Chapter Text
“No matter what, we’re in this together”
The Funeral
Tessa watches the coffin being lowered into the ground. She doesn’t know if she should feel sadness or some sort of relief. He’s no longer suffering, but he’s gone. Forever.
She bounces Owen gently on her hip to keep him quiet. A crying baby at a funeral, while somewhat appropriate, is just not what she wants to deal with right now. Her head is not in the right mind space for handling all of this.
Why did this happen? It was so fast. I should have had more time with him.
Tessa accepts the red rose that was handed to her and holds it up to her nose. She commits the familiar scent to memory. Roses will now remind her of him, a haunting reminder. She considers for a moment what to do with the rose as she watches others place their rose on top of the partially lowered coffin.
If I keep the rose and dry it, I will forever have a piece of him. A physical piece of this day, not just a memory.
Owen swats at the rose playfully with his chubby fingers. Tessa holds the rose up to his nose. He’ll never remember this day. He’ll never remember the smell. He’ll never remember him.
Tessa bends down and places the rose on the coffin with the others.
“Good-bye,” she whispers.
12 days earlier
“Scott? That’s my phone, can you grab it please? It’s my mom’s ringtone,” Tessa voice floated softly out of from the boys’ bedroom.
“I got it, T.”
“Hi Kate”
“I’m not sure, she’s just with the boys. Hang on, I’ll check.”
“Tessa?” Scott walked towards the twins’ bedroom as Tessa stepped out of the room and quietly closed the door behind her.
“I just put them down for a nap.”
“Your mom,” Scott held out the phone for Tessa. “She wants to talk to you, seems important.”
Tessa gave Scott a confused look. Normally her mom would talk to her in person if there was anything important to discuss.
“Hi Mom”
“Hi baby girl. I’m still in Calgary with Jordan, but I thought you should know this immediately.”
Tessa felt her stomach drop. This can’t be good news. She pulled the phone away from her head and quickly pressed the speaker button.
“Okay, you’re on speaker, Mom. Scott’s with me.”
Tessa started to shake as she held the phone out to Scott. He took it and led Tessa by the elbow to the chair in their bedroom. She sat down as she heard her mom take a deep breath.
“I’m so sorry Tessa. It’s your Dad. Denise called me earlier today…he’s…he’s in the hospital.”
Tessa gasped and brought her hands up to cover her mouth. She wasn’t exactly on speaking terms with her dad and his other wife, but he was still her father.
“She said he tripped and fell in the parking lot at work. He has internal bleeding and they can’t seem to stop it. You…you should go, Tessa. Say good-bye to him. He doesn’t have long Denise said.”
“What?!” Tessa whispered in disbelief. She felt Scott’s hand on her shoulder.
“I’m going to fly home tonight with Jordan. She’s bringing the kids, Mike is out of town until next week and can’t make it back. I’ve already called the boys. They said they would go see him today.”
“Okay,” Tessa said softly as she looked up at Scott. He had tears in his eyes, but they had not fallen. Tessa had no emotion. She didn’t know how to feel about all of this. She didn’t know how to process this information.
“Tess?”
“Yeah, Mom?”
“You need to forgive him, baby. Make peace with him before—” Kate’s voice cracked and she stopped talking. Tessa knew she was crying on the other end of the phone.
Tessa had no tears.
“I’m sorry, Mom.”
“Me too, sweetie. Just go see him, okay? I’m sure he’d like to see the kids too.”
“Oh, Mom…I don’t know if that’s a good idea…”
“Tess, he is their grandfather. He should meet them at least once.”
Tessa shook her head.
“I’ll try to talk her into it, Kate. Do you need me to do anything for you here? Make any arrangements?” Scott asked, always thinking of everyone else.
“Thanks Scott. No, nothing at the moment. My car is parked at the airport, so I’ll drive us back to my place when we get in. Just make sure she goes. I know this is going to be hard for her.”
*
How do you say good-bye to someone, knowing it’s the last time you will ever see them on this earth? What do you say? Good-bye doesn’t seem to cover it. How do you say hello to someone you have not spoken to in years? How much do you tell them? Does it even matter what you say? How do you find the words?
“Tess? Are you ready to go in?” Scott asked softly as he placed his hand on Tessa’s shoulder.
She shook her head. “I’m not ready.”
Scott turned around in his seat to look at the little faces in the back of their SUV.
“What are we doing here, Daddy?” Henry asked, he couldn’t read yet, but he knew the sign with the H like in his name, meant Hospital.
Scott cleared his throat to buy himself a few seconds of time. He turned back to look at Tessa. She closed her eyes and nodded slowly.
“We’re going to go visit your other grandpa. Your Mommy’s daddy. Okay, Buddy? We need to be quiet while we’re inside, no running and no loud voices.”
“Did we visit him before?”
“Not yet, Buddy. First time.”
And probably last.
“Okay, I like saying hello to people.”
Tessa smiled a little as she looked up to the roof of the car, willing the tears to stay in her eyes as she blinked quickly. My sweet little boy.
She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Okay, let’s do this.”
Scott and Tessa got out of the car and unbuckled Henry and Nora from their car seats. They each took a car seat filled with one twin and looped the handle in the crook of their elbow. Henry and Nora held hands and skipped as they walked on the sidewalk in front of Scott and Tessa. Such innocense.
Tessa paused before entering the building.
Scott sensed she was no longer beside him. He turned around and held out his hand for Tessa. “Together?”
She nodded and grabbed onto his hand tightly. “No matter what, we’re in this together.”