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Inspired by this post
Our relationship was the kind of fairytale people tell stories about.
We met as freshman in high school. I was the athletic jock while you were the type of girl who made friends with practically everyone. I fell for you the second I saw your eyes meet mine, those pretty lips curl into a smile. That’s all it took. One smile and I was hooked.
We got together late that month and stayed together all through high school. We were the couple everyone looked up to, the couple who never had any scandals, the self-proclaimed ‘It’ couple. We were such a cliche.
You told me you loved me our senior year. I’d told you I loved you almost two years prior, but I’d never pressured you to say it back. We were young. We had time.
We went to college together. I majored in Communications while you didn’t bother to declare. You always said you’d figure it out later. Did you? Did you ever figure out what to do with your life? I did. I’m the Communications Coordinator for the FBI now. My team- they’re all amazing. You would love them, especially Emily. She’s just your type. Or at least, she’s just sophomore year of college you’s type.
College was amazing. Finally we were away from the restrictive setting of home. We were finally free to what we wanted, when we wanted. It was bliss. You were bliss.
And then came the end.
Years later and I still don’t know why you did it. When you fell out of love with me, why you would take her to our spot. Why you couldn’t just end it so I didn’t have to suffer through all of those ‘late-night papers at the library’ and ‘all-nighter shifts at work’. Why you couldn’t just hurt my heart instead of fracturing it completely when I saw you and her kissing at our spot.
I screamed. You screamed. She punched you and then me and then disappeared, leaving us to battle it out at the middle of park at two in the morning. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t breathe because my world was fucking destroyed in front of me because you were kissing her, hands on her ass, her fingers running through your hair.
Do you even realize what you did to me? How suddenly every word you’d ever said to me became acid? How every ‘I love you’ and ‘I’ll love you until we’re old’ and ‘fuck what everyone else says’ was suddenly an elaborate lie you’d kept up for years? You broke my heart.
Or maybe it just felt like you broke it. In reality, you didn’t. You just fractured it. You made me stronger. You made me realize that I deserved more from a partner and that I needed to depend on myself, not you. I glued my heart back together all by myself. I put myself back together and made it through college and got a job at the FBI, where I met the love of my life.
I am writing this letter because I just told Will I loved him for the first time. And I do. I really, really do. That night you said I would never love somebody else like I loved you. Well, I do. And I am happy with him like I don’t think I ever was with you.
I’m still trying to decide whether to send this or not. I don’t think I will, honestly. No need to bring up something from so long ago. I think I just needed some closure. And I’ve finally got that. I hope you do too.
Without Love,
Jennifer Jareau