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“Iwa-chan, I have news.”
Iwaizumi, as a general rule, didn’t take Oikawa seriously. The boy was devious, slightly manipulative and had some serious character issues that needed to be worked out. Overall, he was a pretty shitty guy.
Regardless, Iwaizumi still loved him. He always had, in a way, but it had changed since they’d started dating. The love felt more intense; more real. Suddenly, they didn’t have to pretend like they didn’t want to throw each other up against a wall. They could just do it. But it also meant that they could cuddle in the same bed, their legs intertwined and their hearts beating in synch. Those were the soft moments that Iwaizumi treasured more than anything else in his and Oikawa’s relationship.
However, when Iwaizumi turned around and saw Oikawa standing there, looking beautiful as always, but also sporting a very rotund protrusion around his stomach due to a volleyball being shoved under his shirt, Iwaizumi was almost certain he was going to actually want to kill Oikawa. Rather than jump to extremes, he just crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows.
“What’s your news?” He asked, taking care to maintain eye contact with his boyfriend rather than stare at the faux-pregnancy on his stomach. Oikawa just sighed, placing a hand over his stomach like a mother would.
“I’m pregnant, Iwa-chan,” he said, his face completely straight. Iwaizumi was fighting to keep his the same.
“Oh?” He responded, unsure he could say more without laughing or punching Oikawa.
“And it’s yours,” Oikawa finished, reaching up to brush an imaginary tear from his cheek. For the first time, Iwaizumi noticed Matsukawa and Hanamaki watching the interaction from a few yards away. They were both covering each other’s mouths while trying not to laugh. Iwaizumi wished he felt the same way, but all he really wanted to do was smack that stupid volleyball out of Oikawa’s shirt. So that’s what he did, or at least that’s what he tried to do.
Oikawa turned away at the last second, gasping and clutching onto his stomach like there was a real child inside. “Iwa-chan! You’ll hurt the baby!”
“Shittykawa, you have five seconds before you and the baby are getting their asses whooped,” Iwaizumi answered, stalking forward menacingly towards Oikawa.
Oikawa merely screeched, bracing a hand under his stomach and moving away from Iwaizumi and towards Matsukawa, trying to hide behind his body.
“Iwa-chan, don’t do this! He already has a name!” Oikawa said, moving in tandem with Matsukawa to make sure he and his baby stayed safe.
“You named it? What the hell did you name our fake child?” Iwaizumi yelled, trying to maneuver around to take another swipe at Oikawa but coming up short as the setter sprinted away from both Matsukawa and Iwaizumi, holding up his hands in surrender.
“Ok, ok, but you can’t hit me while I tell you!” Oikawa said, and Iwaizumi paused in his pursuit. Narrowing his eyes, he made it clear that he was not placated, but wanted to hear the name. What would Oikawa name a baby? Probably something stupid. He might name it Tobio, just out of spite and wanting to make a Tobio that was better than the real one. Or Oikawa would be such a brat as to name it after himself. Regardless, Iwaizumi was prepared for murder.
Oikawa took a deep breath, looking up from his stomach dramatically to make eye contact with Iwaizumi. For a moment, Iwaizumi was genuinely speechless because Oikawa looked beautiful backlit by the light from the windows, with such a fond look on his face. Then, in complete seriousness, Oikawa spoke.
“His name Jeff.”
There was a moment of dead silence in the gym, and then all hell broke loose. Matsukawa and Hanamaki broke down into a fit of laughter, both of them falling down onto the floor to hold onto their stomachs and they convulsed with laughter. Iwaizumi gave Oikawa a severe look, even though there was a ghost of a smile on the ace’s lips.
“You have five seconds,” Iwaizumi said.
“Iwa-chan, the baby-”
“5.”
“You can’t do this!”
“4.”
“I’m reporting you for child abuse!”
“3.”
“You’re not gonna do it!”
“2.”
“He’s only a child!”
“1.”
“IWA-CHAN, NO!”
With that, Oikawa set off running as Iwaizumi sprinted behind him. The chase was meaningless; there was only so far Oikawa could go within the gym. Within mere moments, Iwaizumi had grabbed his boyfriend around the waist and pulled him into a firm hold with Oikawa’s back pressed against Iwaizumi’s chest, both of them heaving and trying to suck in breaths.
“Ooo, from behind,” Oikawa said between pants. “This is how I got pregnant to begin with.”
Iwaizumi smiled, squeezing tighter on Oikawa’s waist. Then, he moved one arm up above the volleyball in Oikawa’s stomach, and with a firm tap sent the ball bouncing to the gym floor.
Oikawa gasped, using all of his weight to drop to his knees, cradling the ball in his arms. Looking up at Iwaizumi, he stuck his bottom lip out.
“Our child!” He said. “He looks just like you.”
Iwaizumi gave Oikawa a disapproving glare, but it was betrayed by the smile that was playing over his lips. Reaching down, he grabbed the ball from Oikawa. Matsukawa and Hanamaki had migrated over to them, standing over the still kneeling Oikawa.
So, Iwaizumi, with all of his force, took the opportunity to throw the ball in the air and serve it across the gym where it hit the opposite wall with a resounding smack. In the moments that followed, no one spoke. Then-
“Well,” Oikawa said, standing up and putting an arm around Iwaizumi. “There lies Jeff.”
“He lived a good life,” Hanamaki added.
“He will be missed,” Matsukawa agreed. Iwaizumi only nodded, a small smile still on his lips.
“I can’t afford a child,” he finally said, causing snickers from his friends.
“Well, if we ever have real children,” Oikawa said. “You can’t do that. The adoption agency would be disturbed.”
Iwaizumi turned to blink up at his boyfriend because Oikawa had just insinuated that they might adopt a child together someday. Oikawa just looked back down, a smug smile on his face.
“Of course, dumbass,” Iwaizumi finally said, pulling down Oikawa for a quick, rough kiss before stalking to pick up the rest of the balls to put away. Oikawa smiled as he left.
“Aw, Iwa-chan!” He called, getting Iwaizumi’s attention as he picked up random balls.
“What?” The ace asked.
Oikawa paused. “I just wanted to tell you to be careful with Jeff.”
Iwaizumi narrowed his eyes at Oikawa.
“Five seconds.”