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They immediately scheduled another session for the following week which made Jungkook feel a sense of relief, he had been worried the therapy session would go wrong and the members would be against therapy altogether. Jungkook was just happy they were all getting help.
"I think we should call it a day for now." Mr. Kim said as he closed his notepad.
"Okay." Jungkook agreed as he wiped at his eyes and tossed the tissue in the trash bin. Both he and Mr. Kim stood, Jungkook grabbed his backpack from the floor.
"So the next group session is tomorrow," Mr. Kim said. "How have you been since the last session?"
"Confused," Jungkook replied honestly. "There was so much they were keeping from me and I still don't understand why."
"Do you think this session will help?" Mr. Kim asked.
Jungkook nodded.
"We've been avoiding the subject but I think its because we need a space like this." Jungkook explained.
"That makes sense." Mr. Kim replied. "There's a stigma regarding therapy but, I'm glad you and your friends are taking this approach to getting help. Not a lot of people do that."
"I know," Jungkook said. "If it wasn't for Taehyung, I don't think I would've gotten the help I needed."
"It can be hard." Mr. Kim said. "But that's why people like me are here, to help and support those who need it."
Jungkook nodded as Mr. Kim went to open the office door.
"Alright, we'll talk more during the next session, I think my wife and Taehyung should be done with dinner by now."
"Yeah, that sounds good."
❧
The ride back to Jungkook's house was fairly quiet aside from the music playing from the radio and Taehyung softly humming along to it. The sun was just starting to set, the sky filled with beautiful shades of pink and orange.
"So how was today's session?" Taehyung asked.
"Good." Jungkook replied and Taehyung hummed. "Actually, can I ask you something?"
"Of course. You know you can talk to me about anything."
"At the group therapy the other day," Jungkook started and he realized this was the first time any of them had brought it up since then. "You and Jimin said you were getting help..."
"We've been seeing therapists." Taehyung replied, keeping his eyes on the road. "Like my dad said, therpists don't treat family members so I've been seeing a different therapist to talk about my nightmares. It got bad to the point where I was prescribed on sleeping medications but I've been getting better. Jiminie's also been seeing a different doctors, nutritionists mostly. He's had body issues that he's been dealing with and he'll fall back onto bad habits, but yeah we've been getting help. Why do you ask?"
Jungkook bit his lip. He'd probably be opening a can of worms, and could always just ask tomorrow...
"What about the others?" Jungkook decided to ask. "Are the others getting help?"
Taehyung paused for a moment, Jungkook could see his grip on the steering wheel tighten just slightly. They got to a red light and Taehyung slumped back against his seat, sighing softly and letting his hands fall from the steering wheel.
"I don't know if they want you to know and I don't want to worry you, but my dad's right," Taehyung said turning to look at Jungkook. "We have to be more open and honest with each other if we want this to work."
Jungkook nodded in agreement. Taehyung looked back at the street and took hold of the steering wheel again at the light turned green.
"Do you remember Dr. Choi?" Taehyung asked.
"Yeah," Jungkook replied. "She was the doctor who treated me."
"She used to treat Seokjin hyung too. He used to have a lot of panic attacks when he was a kid but they stopped as he got older, the one he had at the hospital was the first one he's had in years but he doesn't think it was serious." Taehyung explained. "Dr. Choi has been trying to talk to him about it but he doesn't think he needs help."
"Hoseok hyung's been struggling with anxiety since he was kid, but he's never been properly treated for it." Taehyung continued. "His parents are against it, you know how his dad is pretty famous in the music industry and his mom works for the school board, they can't risk getting it out that their son has a disorder. It'd cause a scandal against his dad and ruin the reputation of having a perfect son, so they act like he's fine."
Taehyung sighed.
"He sees my dad from time to time, but that's all he can do. Since he's not an official patient he can't get the perscriptions for the right medications and get proper treatment."
"That's terrible." Jungkook said, shocked to hear about Hoseok's parents.
"I know, but he's trying to get better." Taehyung said. "And he's been trying to help Yoongi hyung. He's been smoking cigarettes again."
"I know, I caught him in the bathroom the other day." Jungkook said and Taehyung tutted his tongue.
"It's not as bad as before." Taehyung added. "He used to smoke constantly before quitting, and now he's relapsed. He only smokes maybe two of them a day to take off the edge but...It's bad for his health."
"I hope he quits soon."
"Me too." Taehyung said as they neared Jungkook's house.
"What about Namjoon hyung?" Jungkook asked.
Taehyung didn't reply as he parked the car in front of Jungkook's house. Taehyung shut the car off and sat back in his seat, the car now silent with radio shut off. He kept his eyes in front of him on the dashboard.
"Namjoon hyung's the one I worry about the most." Taehyung said in such a low voice as if he was telling a secret. "He...There's things about him that aren't my place tell you about and he thinks he has to deal with them alone."
Jungkook watched as Taehyung bit his lip, trying to keep his breathing steady.
"He's carries so many burdens and refuses help whenever we offer. He has great leadership and takes charge whenever necessary...I look up to him a lot, we all do, but its like he over works himself to the point of self destruction."
"We try to talk to him but he closes himself off sometimes. We try to tell him he doesn't need to do things alone and that we can support him but...he hates being seen as weak."
"Why?" Jungkook asked, voice quiet afraid that if he spoke any louder the atmosphere could come crashing down.
"I don't know." Taehyung replied honestly. "I wish he'd let us in but...something's holding him back."
They were both quiet after that. Their breathing was the only sound in the car. Jungkook watched as the sky changed to pinks and purples as the sun was setting, the clouds drifting so slowly that Jungkook could only see them move now from how still he was sitting. He tried processing everything Taehyung told him, slowly coming to an understand as to why they had kept him in the dark about it. At this point Jungkook could care less about being hurt about that, now he was just sorry he didn't find out sooner, couldn't try to help them when they needed it.
"I'm sorry." Taehyung suddenly said.
Jungkook turned and saw Taehyung looking back at him. Taehyung was leaning his head back against the seat, hair tousled and tears slowly running down his slightly flushed cheeks.
"It's a lot, I know, but you deserve to know." Taehyung said.
"No, it's okay, Tae." Jungkook said reaching over to wipe his thumb over Taehyung's cheek.
Taehyuhg closed his eyes and sighed softly as Jungkook cupped his cheek, leaning into his touch. Jungkook gently stroked Taehyung's cheek, fingers scratching softly at the hair on the back of his neck.
"Thank you for telling me." Jungkook said, voice low and soft. "It must've been hard for you to tell me, but it means a lot."
"I don't want to keep anything from you." Taehyung said opening his eyes. "I don't want to keep any more secrets between us."
Jungkook nodded before leaning forward and pressing his lips to Taehyung's. Taehyung sighed softly into the kiss, bringing his hands to rest on Jungkook's waist as best as he could in the cramped car. They kissed slowly, just molding their lips together gently for a moment before Jungkook was pulling away. Jungkook was holding Taehyung's face with both hands now, leaning up to press a soft kiss to Taehyung's forehead as he wiped on the tears on his cheeks with his thumbs. Jungkook then pressed his lips to Taehyung's nose making him giggle, then his lips. Jungkook rested his forehead against Taehyung's, closing his eyes and listening to their breathing.
"Jungkook," Taehyung said after a moment, voice more stable now as he placed his hand over Jungkook's. "Its late."
"I don't want to go yet." Jungkook whined making Taehyung giggle again.
"I know, I don't want you to go either." Taehyung said pulling back. Jungkook opened his eyes as he let Taehyung move his hands from his face, the stinging red slowly fading from the whites of his eyes. "But its almost past your curfew."
Jungkook sighed dramatically, "Alright."
Taehyung giggled at Jungkook's pout before pressing another chaste kiss.
"I'll see you tomorrow." Taehyung said.
"Okay." Jungkook said as he grabbed his backpack to step out of the car.
"Tomorrow."
❧
The day felt like it went on forever. Jungkook kept bouncing his leg during class, he could barley focus on the lecture. Although they were acting normal, Jungkook could tell the rest of the members were anticipating the upcoming therapy appointment.
Seokjin was still laughing at his own jokes but it was much less prominent. Yoongi was still engaging in conversation but much more observant, especially with the maknaes. Jungkook would catch his eye ever now and then. Hoseok was much more happy and smiling more, much to Jungkook's relief, but he was also keeping a tentative eye. Mostly on Yoongi.
Jungkook could see Yoongi's fingers twitching, fingers tapping and drumming on the table. Hoseok would reach over and take Yoongi's hand in his, giving it a firm comforting squeeze before letting go or ruffle his hair before rubbing his neck soothingly. That seemed enough to calm Yoongi, he'd give Hoseok's hand a squeeze or lean into his touch.
Taehyung and Jimin were trying their best to keep to mood up it seemed. They were going on with their usual antics, screeching and joking around with the rest of the members. They were also being more touchy then usual, giving their hyungs back hugs and clinging on longer than necessary. It seemed to help, they melted into the hugs and smiled.
Namjoon also seemed to be doing well. He was smiling and laughing, letting the maknas cling to him as much as they wanted. He was talking and listening to anything the other members had to say.
He seemed fine.
Jungkook wondered, however, what was he really thinking. After the first therapy session and what Taehyung had told him, Jungkook couldn't help worrying about Namjoon. Jungkook wanted to know how Namjoon felt about...everything.
"Jungkook?"
Jungkook turned and saw the rest of the group staring at him with a worried gaze.
"Sorry, I wasn't paying attention." Jungkook admitted.
"We were just wondering if you wanted to ride with us to Taehyungie's house today?" Jimin asked.
"Oh," Jungkook said glancing over at Namjoon, expression unreadable. "Sure. It'll be easier this way since we have class together."
"Okay!" Jimin smiled.
Jungkook smiled back and glanced back over at Namjoon. He was talking to Hoseok, the same unreadable expression still on his face. Jungkook was sure that Namjoon would make a comment about not riding with him but he seemed unbothered. Jungkook felt a bit hurt, he hated that Namjoon was being so passive. After what Taehyung had told him, Jungkook knew this was just Namjoon trying to be strong and guarded but...this isn't him.
❧
"Are you okay?"
Jungkook turned to see Jimin staring back at him, forehead creased and lips tugged down into a frown.
"You've been really quiet today." Jimin said.
"Is it because of the therapy session?" Jungkook heard Taehyung ask. He was sitting to his left as Taehyung's chauffeur drove them to his house. "I could tell my dad to cancel if you want."
"No, don't. That's not it." Jungkook quickly replied. "It's just...I'm just overthinking things again."
Jimin and Taehyung shared a look but before they could say anything the limo was pulling up to Taehyung's house.
"We've arrived, Taehyung." The chauffeur said as he waited for the gates to open.
"Okay, thanks." Taehyung replied and glanced back at Jimin before sitting back in his seat.
They stepped out of the limo as Taehyung stepped up to the front door, unlocking it and leading them inside.
"I'm home!" Taehyung called out as he closed the door behind him.
"I'll be right there!" They heard Mr. Kim call back.
"Jungkook," Taehyung said turning back to him. "We could still cancel if you want, its not too late."
Jungkook shook his head.
"Really, its fine." Jungkook replied.
Taehyung bit his lip, still looking unconvinced but nodding.
"Alright." He said as Mr. Kim stepped down the stairs.
"Afternoon boys." He greeted.
"Where's mom?" Taehyung asked.
"She's meeting with her editor, but she'll be back in time for dinner." Mr. Kim replied. "How was class?" He asked the three of them.
"Fine." Taehyung replied.
Jungkook honestly wasn't sure if it was, the day went by in such a blur that he hardly remembers anything.
"Did you eat lunch?" Mr. Kim asked Jimin.
Jimin nodded, "I had a sandwhich."
Mr. Kim glanced over at Taehyung who nodded before turning back to Jimin.
"That's good." He said. "Alright, how about we wait for the others upstairs?" Mr. Kim said.
"Sure." Taehyung replied as the three of them followed Mr. Kim up the stairs to his office.
The three of them sat at the couch in the same order as last time, Jungkook sat in the middle with Jimin and Tae at his sides. There were seven mugs on the coffee table in front of them.
"Unfortunately, Taehyung's mother wasn't able to make the hot chocolate before she left so you'll have to settle for the tea I've made instead." Mr. Kim said chuckling as he looked through desk.
"That's okay, dad." Taehyung said grabbing one of the mugs and taking a sip.
Jungkook fiddled with his thumbs nervously as a silence grew. Mr. Kim sat in his seat, his notepad and pen in hand.
"You seem a bit bothered today, Jungkook." Mr. Kim said and Jungkook froze his hands. God, was he really that obvious? "Do you not feel well?"
"I just have a lot on my mind," Jungkook replied.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Jimin asked.
Jungkook turned to him and pondered on the question before shaking his head.
"I'd rather wait." He said but Jimin didn't look convinced.
God, Jungkook hated that he made everyone worry about him. Yes it was true that he went through something horrible, but Jungkook wasn't the only one who was having a difficult time. He'd wish the others would look after themselves the way they looked after him. Jungkoom was just being selfish, he thought, but not anymore. Not after today.
As if on cue, the doorbell rang downstairs. Mr. Kim stood, placing his notepad and pen on the coffee table.
"That must be the rest of the boys." He said walking towards the door. "I'll go let them in."
"Jungkook," Taehyung said as soon as his father had left, taking Jungkook's hand. "Are you sure you're okay? I'm sure the others would understand if we cancelled."
"I'm sure, Tae." Jungkook replied squeezing Taehyung's hand. "It's okay."
Taehyung looked at Jungkook, looking for any sign of hesitation before nodding just as his father stepped back into the room with the others following behind.
"Alright." Taehyung said before letting go of Jungkook's hand.
The rest of the members sat at the couch next to the maknaes. They shifted and fiddled until they were comfortable, waiting for Mr. Kim to start the session.
"So how is everyone doing?" Mr. Kim asked as he sat down.
Everyone just shrugged their shoulders, mumbling out short "fine"s. Mr. Kim nodded.
"Before we start," He said asjusting his glasses. "I know I've said this before but I would like to make it clear that this about your support, you all have a say on what is and isn't discussed and everything said will remain confidential."
The members all nodded in agreement.
"That being said, however," Mr. Kim continued. "This group session is still conducted by Jungkook, so the discussion will still go in whatever direction he chooses. So Jungkook, you said you had a lot on your mind today so what would you to talk about?"
Jungkook could feel the members look at him and he couldn't help but fidget in his seat from the sudden attention.
"I," He started. "I wanted to talk about some things Taehyung told me yesterday."
"And what did Taehyung tell you?" Mr. Kim asked.
"He told me some things about the members." Jungkook replied. "Things that I feel like I should've known about."
"You mean the things that were brought up at the last session?" Mr. Kim asked and Jungkook nodded.
"I know you all meant well, but it hurts that no one was telling me what was going on." Jungkook explained. "I know there wasn't much I could've done to help but..."
"If you don't mind me asking," Mr. Kim spoke up. "Who's idea was it not to tell Jungkook about these things?"
"It was mine." Namjoon quickly answered making all the members turn to him. "It was a bad decision but I take full responsibility for it."
"Namjoon you know it wasn't just your idea." Yoongi spoke up. "We all agreed not to tell him."
"And why did you all decide not to tell Jungkook?" Mr. Kim asked.
"We knew he needed space after what had happened." Seokjin explained "But we were planning on telling him eventually after he had gotten better."
"I see," Mr. Kim replied. "And how did that make you feel Jungkook?"
"It bothered me a lot, to be honest." Jungkook answered. "I feel like I was lied to. It made me feel like an outsider."
"We didn't mean to lie to you, Jungkookie." Hoseok said turning towards him. "We really were planning on telling you, we just wanted to wait."
"I know, hyung." Jungkook said and looked back at Hoseok. "I know you were, I just feel like I should've been there. You guys were there for me, I should have done the same. I just want to prove to you guys that I'm strong enough to handle these kinds of things. I want to be able to help you when you need it. I just...I want to be your equal."
"You already are, Jungkook." Namjoon spoke up. "You don't have to prove anything, you're already one of us. It was a mistake to keep all of that from, but I promise you we will be nothing less than honest with you."
"Really?" Jungkook asked a bit shocked at Namjoon's words.
Ever since he joined Bangtan, Jungkook had never truly felt like a real member. Even though they never said anything, Jungkook couldn't help but feel like he was just a charity case, like Namjoon only took him in because he felt sorry for him. But to hear Namjoon and the rest of them say otherwise, it almost felt unreal.
"Yes," Namjoon said. "I want to make things right again between us. All of us."
The members all hummed and nodded in agreement. Mr. Kim wrote some things down in his notepad before speaking up again.
"Its good to hear that you're all willing to make this work." He said. "I know what you've all been through can make things..complicated, so Jungkook was there anything else you'd like to talk about today?"
Jungkook nodded and took a deep breath.
"I...I want all of us to get help," Jungkook said turning to Seokjin. "Hyung, I really think you should talk to Dr. Choi about your panic attack."
"Jungkook, it only happened once. I haven't had a panic attack in years." Seokjin said. "I don't need to see Dr. Choi again-"
"Hyung," Yoongi spoke up. "We said no secrets."
"Yoongi-ah, not now." Seokjin retorted. "This isn't about me, we're here to help Jungkook."
"What's going on?" Hoseok asked looking between them. "What are you guys talking about."
The group looked at them confused. Jungkook turned to Namjoon and even he seemed to have no idea.
"Seokjin hyung had another panic attack." Yoongi finally said making Seokjin glare at him. "It was after Jungkook had gotten discharged from the hospital. You'd been avoiding us then and Seokjin hyung was so worried about you and he got so stressed and had a panic attack. It happened during class but I was able to help him through it."
"Why didn't you tell us?" Namjoon asked.
"I made him promise not to tell." Seokjin said sighing. "Look, its not a big deal and I really don't need to see Dr. Choi again. I'm fine."
"Seokjin, I think Jungkook and Yoongi are right." Mr. Kim said. "If these panic attacks are happening more frequent and are affecting you, I think you do need to seek help."
"It only happened twice." Seokjin repeated. "I don't need to get help."
"And what will you do if it happens a third time?" Mr. Kim asked. "Yoongi won't always be there to help."
Seokjin looked down at his lap and fidgeted in his seat.
"Seokjin," Mr. Kim said, his voice softer than before. "I'm not here to scold you or antagonize you, I'm here to help in anyway I can. From what I'm hearing, I really think you need to seek more professional help, especially if you've had a history of struggling with panic attacks."
"I know." Seokjin mumbled. "But my dad...I know Dr. Choi wouldn't tell him but I don't want him to know."
There was a moment of silence as Seokjin sighed and ran a hand through his hair before looking back up at Mr. Kim.
"I'll set up an appointment with Dr. Choi tomorrow." He said and Mr. Kim nodded.
"That's good to hear." He said. "I don't want you to feel like I'm forcing you to do anything but its also important that I give you the proper advice and resources you need to get better."
Seokjin nodded and Yoongi patted his shoulder.
"I'll go with you tomorrow if you want me to." He said and Seokjin nodded.
"Yeah, please." Seokjin replied.
Jungkook cleared his throat making the members turn to him.
"Taehyung told me that Hoseok hasn't been getting help either." He said making Hoseok sigh.
"Tae, we've talked about this." Hoseok said. "You know I can't see anyone."
"Hyung, you need to see someone." Taehyung replied. "You're anxiety will just get worse."
"I have to agree with Taehyung on this." Mr. Kim said. "Hoseok, I know you have a difficult time getting treatment with your restrictions, but I really think you need to see someone."
"Aren't therapy sessions with you enough?" Hoseok asked. "Besides my parents would never let me get medication."
"I know, and therapy sessions are helpful but it won't be enough." Mr. Kim replied. "You need to take action in order to get better."
"I know that, but my parents have control of all my fundings." Hoseok explained. "Please, I'll keep going to the therapy sessions but once I graduate I'll get the help I need. Can we please just drop this?"
Mr. Kim turned to Jungkook. He didn't want to drop it, Jungkook understood that Hoseok's parents wouldn't allow him to get the proper treatment but that didn't mean he shouldn't get help. Jungkook looked at Hoseok and could see how frustrated he looked. It wasn't fair but Jungkook nodded.
"Alright," Mr. Kim said sighing. "Was there anything else you wanted to talk about Jungkook?"
Jungkook glanced over at Namjoon and bit his lip. He thought back to the conversation he had with Taehyung, trying to figure out how to ask the question that's been stuck in his head ever since.
"Taehyung told me...he told me some things about Namjoon hyung." He said and Namjoon quickly turned to Taehyung.
"How much did you tell him?" He asked, eyes sharp and tone firm.
"I didn't tell him anything," Taehyung replied. "Its not my place to tell him."
Namjoon's shoulders sank and he let out a breath as he looked away from Taehyung to stare at the wall.
"Good." He mumbled.
"But, hyung," Jungkook spoke up. "I know you don't have to tell me anything, but Taehyung's right. Its not good to keep in your emotions like this. You have to let us help when you need it."
"Jungkook, its not-" Namjoon sighed before turning to Jungkook. "Its not that I don't want you guys helping me, I just...I don't need it."
"Namjoon, that's bullshit and you know it." Yoongi said sounding a bit irritated.
"Yah! Don't curse!" Seokjin called out as he lightly swatted at Yoongi's shoulder.
"Sorry." He muttered as he rubbed his shoulder.
"Its fine, you can curse if you want to." Mr. Kim said. "Like I said you don't have to censor yourself so I don't mind."
Yoongi looked back at Seokjin with a smug smirk on his face. Seokjin just rolled his eyes.
"That being said," Mr. Kim continued. "What makes you think what Namjoon saying is bullshit?"
"We tell Namjoonie all the time that he can come to us for anything." Yoongi explained. "Seokjin hyung and I tell him that we take as much responsibility for the maknaes as he does and he doesn't need to take on this leadership on his own."
"Would you say you all agree with what Yoongi is saying?" Mr. Kim asked and all the members nodded.
"I know that Namjoon has does a lot for us and he works hard to keep everything in control, but its like he doesn't know how to relax anymore." Hoseok explained. "We worry about him a lot."
"Is that true, Namjoon?" Mr. Kim asked. "Do you tend to overwork yourself?"
"I do the best I can." Namjoon said, his voice almost monotone.
"Hm," Mr. Kim hummed. "Let me ask you this, why do you feel like you need to take full responsibility for the group?"
Namjoon stiffened in his seat as all the members turned to him. They'd all had that same question in their heads for months, years even, they just wanted Namjoon to be more...open. But right now, it seemed like Namjoon was choked up. The tension in the room was suffocating and Jungkook almost regretted bringing it up.
"Because I have to." Namjoon finally answered.
Jungkook glanced at the members confused bu it seemed like none of them had a response to that.
"Everything is my fault." Namjoon continued. "Everyone is suffering because I made bad decisions. Jungkook got hurt because I was too reckless. Bangtan only exists because of me."
Namjoon let out a shaky breath, his eyes watering.
"If I hadn't beaten that kid years ago we all would have had a regular life at the academy. Its bad enough the pressure we're put under by our parents, but now we have the whole academy watching our every move. You all have such a hard time and its all because of me. I have to take responsibility for that and make sure you're all happy and safe, its the least I could do for everything I've out you all through."
Namjoon sighed out as tears ran down his face. He wiped his face with the back of his hand as a silence grew in the room. It was so quiet that Jungkook could hear the hand of the clock on the wall turning.
"Namjoon.." He whispered.
"Namjoon hyung that- why-" Jungkook stuttered out.
"Before anyone says anything," Mr. Kim said. "I'd like to ask you something, Namjoon. Do you regret standing up for Taehyung that day?"
"No." Namjoon answered quickly and sniffed.
"Do you regret protecting your friends?" Mr. Kim asked and Namjoon shook his head.
"Not at all." Namjoon replied.
"Do you regret saving Jungkook that day?"
"My only regret is that I couldn't save him sooner."
"I have known you for years, Namjoon." Mr. Kim said, tone firm but his expression was soft as he spoke. "You're so strong and selfless and are willing to do anything for your friends. But you're not invincible."
Namjoon let out another shaky breath as the tears kept flowing down his face, his shoulders sinking slightly as he listened to what Mr. Kim had to say.
"Its okay to step down and ask for help. Its okay to let out your feelings and cry. Vulnerability isn't a weakness, its what makes you human."
Namjoon nodded and bit his lip before letting his head drop as he sobbed. Taehyung immediately reached over and wrapped his arms around Namjoon, rubbing his hand over his back. Namjoon kept his head down but leaned against Taehyung, his shoulders shaking as he cried.
The rest of the members found themselves crying as well. They knew Namjoon had been putting on a strong face for all of them, trying to keep everything under control, but they had no idea just how much it had affected Namjoon. Seeing Namjoon cry like this, seeing him open up a little, it reminded them that Namjoon had troubles and needs as well. A sharp pang of guilt built up in Jungkook's chest, he wished he could have been there for Namjoon. He wish he could have been stronger for him too.
"I'm sorry." Namjoon finally said as he lifted his head from Taehyung's shoulder.
Taehyung pulled back and grabbed a tissue from the tissue box on the coffee table, gently dabbing at Namjoon's cheeks. Namjoon huffed out a quiet laugh as he let Taehyung wipe at his tears. Namjoon eventually pulled away from Taehyung.Taehyung dropped his arms from Namjoon as he sat straight up.
"Sorry." He mumbled.
"You don't have to apologize." Mr. Kim said. "I'm proud of you." He grinned and Namjoon grinned back.
Despite his red eyes and flushed cheeks and puffy face, Jungkook thought Namjoon looked as stunning as ever. Thick lips turned up in a genuine smile, his deep dimples peeking out, Jungkook wanted nothing more than to pull Namjoon into a kiss.
"Thank you." Namjoon said.
"I know this is difficult," Mr. Kim said as he rubbed at his forehead. "But do you want to talk about-"
"No." Namjoon quickly said.
"Namjoon-"
"No, please." Namjoon said shaking his head. "I want him to know but I...I can't." He turned to look at Jungkook. "I'm sorry, I want to be more open but..."
"No, hyung, its okay." Jungkook said. "Its okay, I understand."
Namjoon nodded.
"I'm sorry." He whispered.
Before Jungkook could say anything more there was a soft knock on the door and Taehyung's mother was stepping into the room.
"Sorry to interrupt," she said smiling shyly. "I made dinner."
"Alright, we'll be down in a moment." Mr. Kim said.
Taehyung's mother nodded and smiled at the members who awkwardly smiled back before stepping out. Mr Kim sighed deeply, setting down his notepad and removing his glasses.
"I think that's our cue to stop for today." He said.
They nodded, each grabbing a tissue to wipe at their flushed faces.
"I want you all to know that this good. I know it might feel like you're trapped, but you've all made progress. Recovery can be a difficult journey, but you're all willing to work through it and that's what's important."
They all nodded and smiled at Mr. Kim's words.
"Thank you, Mr. Kim." Jungkook said and Mr. Kim grinned.
"So, are you boys hungry?"
❧
Taehyung walked the members out after they had dinner. The sky was dark by the time they had stepped out of Taehyung's house, their session had lasted longer than they had expected. Taehyung's parents stayed inside, giving them a bit if privacy.
"Do you want to sleep over at my house tonight, Jimin-ah?" Yoongi asked afer he called for his driver.
Jimin smiled and nodded eagerly, throwing his arms over Yoongi's neck.
"I'd love that." Jimin said rubbing his nose against Yoongi's. "Thank you, hyung."
Yoongi nodded, placing his hands on Jimin's hips, kissing the tip of Jimin's nose and making him giggle.
"Wanna show you just how beautiful you are." Yoongi whispered and Jimin blushed.
"H-Hyung!" Jimin laughed burying his face in Yoongi's neck.
"Hoseok hyung?" Taehyung said stepping up to him. "Are you...going to see my dad after today?"
Hoseok sighed softly, reaching over to gently ruffle at Taehyung's hair before cupping his cheek.
"Yeah," He said. "I know it might not be enough, but its a start."
Taehyung grinned and nodded as Hoseok leaned forward to kiss him gently.
"Can you stay?" Taehyung asked as he pressed their foreheads together. "Please?'
"You want me to?" Hoseok asked and Taehyung nodded. "Okay."
"You kids are too much." Seokjin says shaking his head but there's a blush forming on his cheeks.
"Does Seokjinnie hyung feel left out?" Jimin says as he let go Yoongi to wrap his arms around Seokjin instead.
"You could join us if you want." Yoongi says pressing himself behind Jimin, resting his chin on Jimin's shoulder.
Both had wide grins as they blinked up at Seokjin, radiating innocence but Seokjin knew they were anything but.
"Please, hyungie?" Jimin asked and Seokjin scoffed but his neck was flushed.
"Alright." He said making Jimin and Yoongi giggle.
Jungkook smiled at the scene. Despite the emotional session they had, he was glad that everyone was happy and getting along.
"Jungkook?" He heard Namjoon say.
Jungkook turned and saw Namjoon smiling at him.
"I know Taehyung usually takes you home, but I was wondering if you'd like to ride with me today?" He asked rubbing the back of his neck nervously.
Jungkook smiled, he loved the rare moments like these when Namjoon let his guard down. Namjoon wasn't always the cold leader everyone at the academy made him seem to be, and Jungkook was happy he'd got to see and know the real Namjoon.
"Yes," Jungkook nodded. "Yeah, I'd like that."
Namjoon smiled at Jungkook before Hoseok stepped in between them.
"Yah! Let us say goodbye before you take him!" He said and wrapped his arms around Jungkook.
"Hyung!" Jungkook laughed as Hoseok hugged him tightly.
"Our precious Jungkookie!" Hoseok said as he smothered Jungkook's face with kisses. "What would we do without you!"
"Let him breathe!" Seokjin said pulling Hoseok off of Jungkook. Hoseok pouted cutely making Jungkook giggle. "Its my turn!" Seokjin said before he was also kissing Jungkook.
Jungkook just giggled as Seokjin peppered kisses all over Jungkook's face.
"Stop smothering him, hyung." Yoongi said.
"No!" Seokjin said and kissed Jungkook's cheeks. "He's too cute!"
"You're hogging him, we want to say bye too." Yoongi said making Seokjin roll his eyes.
"Okay, okay." Seokjin said before turning to Jungkook. "Bye, Jungkookie." He said pecking his lips.
"Bye, hyung." Jungkook laughed before Seokjin let him go.
"Jungkook-ah," Yoongi said.
"Yes, hyung?" Jungkook asked as Yoongi stood in front of him.
Yoongi sighed softly, reaching a hand up and cupping Jungkook's cheek.
"Get some rest when you get home, okay?" He said and Jungkook nodded.
"Okay." Jungkook said. "And...you have to stop smoking, hyung."
"I know, I will." Yoongi said. "I promise."
Yoongi smiled at Jungkook before kissing him, slow and gently. When Yoongi pulled back, he smirked at Jungkook's flushed face.
"I'll see you at the academy, Jungkook." He said ruffling Jungkook's hair.
"O-Okay. Bye, hyung." Jungkook said as Yoongi stepped aside.
"Jungkookie!" Jimin cried out as he wrapped Jungkook in a tight hug, Taehyung coming up behind him and sandwiching Jungkook between them.
"Jungkook-ah!" Taehyung smiled as he snuggled his face in Jungkook's hair.
"We're going to miss you!" Jimin said dramatically as he buried his face in Jungkook's neck.
"Guys!" Jungkook laughed as they staggered. "I'm just going home, not to war! We'll see each other again at the academy tomorrow!"
"But that's hours away!" Taehyung cried.
"I don't know if I can survive that long!" Jimin said holding Jungkook tighter.
"Come on guys, its time to say bye." Jungkook heard Namjoon say.
"Okay, hyung!" Jimin said as he lifted his head and smiled at Jungkook, a glint in his eyes. "Bye, Jungkook."
Before Jungkook could reply, Jimin tangled his fingers in Jungkook's hair and pressed their lips together firmly. Jungkook hummed in surprise but kissed back, holding onto Jimin's waist to steady them. The kiss quickly turned heated, Jimin nipped at Jungkook's bottom lip before slipping his tongue into his mouth. Jungkook whimpered as he felt Taehyung drag his lips down his neck.
"Yah!" Namjoon said. "That's enough out of you two!"
Jimin pulled back and laughed, throwing his head back.
"Sorry, hyung." Taehyung giggled. "Couldn't help it."
"Okay, bye Kookie!" Jimin said pecking his lips one last time before pulling away from him.
Taehyung reached over and left a sloppy kiss on Jungkook's cheek making him giggle.
"Bye, Jungkook." Taehyung smiled before going back to Hoseok.
"My driver should be here in a few minutes." Namjoon said stepping beside Jungkook. "Its late and we should all head home and get some sleep."
"I don't think they'll be getting much sleep tonight, hyung." Jungkook said as he nodded over to the other members.
Taehyung had his arms wrapped around Hoseok's neck, Hoseok holding him by the waist as they pressed their foreheads together, whispering sweet things to each other. Seokjin, Yoongi and Jimin weren't any better. Yoongi had his head buried in Jimin's neck as he sucked bruises on his pale skin. Jimin had his eyes closed as he gripped onto Yoongi's shoulder, Seokjin stood behind him nipping at Jimin's earlobe.
Namjoon shook his head but laughed, "Can't they wait five more minutes."
Jungkook giggled before there was a bright light shining through the gate.
"That's our ride." Namjoon said and turned to Jungkook, extending his hand. "Come on, Jungkook."
Jungkook nodded and took Namjoon's hand, basking in the warmth of his skin against the cold night.
❧
The drive back to Jungkook's house was the most relieved Jungkook had felt in a long time.
Jungkook was sitting back with his head resting on Namjoon's chest, Namjoon had an arm wrapped around him. Jungkook felt safe and secure with Namjoon holding him like this, he could hear Namjoon's heart beating slowly against his chest. Jungkook was sure if Namjoon hadn't spoken up he would have drifted to sleep.
"Today was...intense." He said. "How do you feel?"
"I feel...relieved." Jungkook replied, keeping his head on Namjoon's chest. "I knew you were all going through things and I was worried but now I'm relieved know you're all going to get the help you need."
"I'm sorry we kept that from you." Namjoon said. "We just didn't want you to be worried."
"I know." Jungkook said. "But no more secrets. I want us all to be more open and honest."
"I agree." Namjoon said and there was a short silence.
Jungkook could hear Namjoon's heartbeat quicken before he sighed.
"Jungkook..."
Jungkook lifted his head from Namjoon's shoulder to look at him. Namjoon looked nervous, eyebrows knitted together forming wrinkles on his forehead, his bottom lip pouting out a bit.
"I do want to be more honest and open with you. But there's things about me you don't know. Things I'm not ready to talk about, I don't want to lie to you but I just-I...I can't. Not right now."
"Hyung, its okay." Jungkook said sitting up straight and taking Namjoon's face in his hands.
They had been in this position before but it felt different with Jungkook holding Namjoon and not the other way around. Jungkook gently caressed Namjoon's cheeks with his thumbs, from up close Jungkook could still see the faint trails of dry tears that ran down Namjoon's face.
"Its okay, I get it," Jungkook said and gave Namjoon a small smile. "You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to."
"But I want to tell you. I just...I'm not ready." Namjoon said, his voice low and quiet.
"Its okay, Namjoon." Jungkook said. "We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."
"Okay." Namjoon said closing his eyes and leaning into Jungkook's touch.
Namjoon took a deep breath to calm the tears that were threatening to build up again. Jungkook used one of his hands to smooth down Namjoon's hair. Namjoon hummed softly as he did it.
"Feels nice." He said keeping his eyes closed.
Jungkook smiled, it was nice to see Namjoon like this, soft and relaxed. To say that today had been a lot was an understatement and Jungkook was sure it had taken a toll on Namjoon and the rest of the members. But right now, it felt like nothing could hurt them.
"Are you okay?" Jungkook asked after a minute or two of silence and Namjoon nodded.
"Yeah," He said opening his eyes and placing his hand over Jungkook's where it was still resting on his cheek. "I'm fine."
Namjoon turned his head and kissed the inside of Jungkook's palm as he held his hand. Namjoon lowered their hands as he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Jungkook's. Jungkook sighed softly into the kiss as Namjoon threaded his fingers in his hair and deepened the kiss. Jungkook parted his lips, opening up for Namjoon as he pulled them closer together. The feel of Namjoon's tongue in his mouth made him lightheaded and Jungkook was sure if he wasn't sitting down, his knees would go weak. But suddenly Namjoon was pulling back.
"We're almost home." Namjoon said and Jungkook blinked up at him.
Namjoon chuckled softly at Jungkook's flushed face. He took his hand from Jungkook's hair and caressed his cheek.
"You're so cute when you blush." He said making Jungkook look away in embarrassment, the flush on Jungkook's a deeper shade.
"Not that cute." Jungkook mumbled. Namjoon leaned forward and kissed his cheek.
"You are." He said and took hold of Jungkook's chin to look at him. "Today was a hard day, so when you get home get plenty of rest."
"You too, hyung." Jungkook said. "You work too hard, you need some rest too."
"I know," Namjoon said as the limo pulled up in front of Jungkook's house. "I'll see you at the academy."
"Okay," Jungkook said and grabbed his backpack as he opened the door and stepped out of the limo. "Good night."
"Good night, Jungkook."
And it was. For the first time in months, Jungkook slept through the night. He didn't have any dreams but it felt like his body was finally relaxing, like he could breathe again.
He felt free.