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His therapists apologizes for how hot it is. Despite it being a new building the aircon isn’t working. They say that they’re getting someone to fix it but it’s been delayed by a bit. The summer heat wave is taking no prisoners and Dan is fine for the most part, it’s not that bad but it’s a long sleeve shirt kind of day. When his therapists asks about that he doesn’t know what to really say other than the fact he feels protected, like no one can touch him when he’s got a long sleeve on. They’ll just nod, write something down, and Dan thinks that it may also be a sense of security blanket but they don’t have to dive too into it right now.
Despite the spikes of anxiety and the feeling of something looming over him here and there, it’s been a good week but also a long week. He doesn’t know how to explain.
“Maybe it’s the transition from spring to summer,” they say, with a small smile, encouraging him to keep talking.
So he does, and his forehead drips from the sweat and his hair starts to curl a little, and he worries about that. It’s just hair, he says, shaking his head, and wiping his sweaty palms on his pants.
“But it’s important to you,” they say, and he nods. It is important. He doesn’t know why.
Dan stares out the window, London is a beautiful city in the summer, the possibilities of what to do are endless. He just wishes he could get out of his fear and comfort zone and enjoy it.
“What do you think is holding that back?” His therapists asks and he looks like he’s about to say something but he stops himself.
This is a safe place.
“I’m afraid of being stopped. By our audience.”
His therapist says he can always say no to pictures, and Dan knows that they’re just saying that as an option but it’s not one that he really gives himself. He goes on explaining how they’ve given him (and Phil) everything, and he’d feel the guilt later if he said no.
They have more to work on, but Dan’s time is up.
“I want to see you next week.”
Dan nods in agreement.
“I’m sorry about the lack of aircon,” Dan smiles, it’s not their fault.
“Remember, if you can’t take it by hour take it by minute,” It’s the parting line that they always tell Dan but it always helps.
*
Dan finds Phil sitting on one of the couches in the lobby on his phone. He looks up to see him and smiles.
“I’m pretty sure my ass left a sweat stain,” Phil says under his breath and it makes Dan snort.
“Did you know it’s one the hottest days of the year?” Phil puts his phone in his pocket and reaches out to interlock his matching sweaty palm with Dan’s.
“I believe it.” Dan says with a small smile giving his hand a squeeze.
*
On their way home Dan suggests that they get ice cream.
Dan tries a new flavour while Phil gets a sorbet. They walk and eat at the same time, Dan claims that it’s not something Phil is very good at which earns him a gentle push to the arm.
Phil asks how therapy goes and sometimes Dan doesn’t know what to tell him other than that he feels lighter. He doesn’t always have to say something profound about therapy other than that it helps.
Phil understands that and smiles, taking another bite of his ice cream.
*
Later when the heat feels like it’s at its worst they find themselves back in their bathroom like that very first night in London after all the moving and building of closets and other things.
Dan plays music to drown out the sirens that their busy street brings, and they’re not saying anything, just enjoying the other’s silence. It’s too hot for words and actions, but being in the same space as the other was good enough.
“I still feel sticky after the ice cream,” Phil says after a while raising his blue sorbet stained hands.
Dan snorts. “We can take a cold shower if you want?”
It doesn’t take Phil less of a second to say, “I’m in.”