Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It is a cold Friday afternoon when it dawns on Tsugumi that she’s the odd one out. It’s an unsettling chill in her stomach that matches the weather outside, and she almost succeeds in ignoring it.

There’s no need to feel like this. You’re not being left behind. Chin up, Tsugu!

And certainly it is just a coincidence that she’s the only one without plans. The members of Afterglow are tight-knit, but that doesn’t mean that they break off once in a while, right? Himari and Tomoe have left already, arm in arm, Himari talking excitedly about a movie they’re going to watch later tonight and Tomoe smiling and nodding appropriately. Ran and Moca are doing... whatever it is they do when they’re together, and she waves goodbye as the studio door shuts behind them.

No one’s leaving you behind, she repeats to herself.

But no matter how she looks at it, that leaves her, Tsugu, packing up her music as neatly as she can in her bag, taking special care with each individual sheet. Each minute inside the practice room is a minute she doesn’t have to spend aimlessly walking outside alone with nothing to do.

It’s best not to dwell on it, she tells herself, putting aside insecurities as long-lived as the friendships themselves and presenting a determined front to the world outside the studio. Setting forth in the opposite direction of her home, she decides on a brief outing to the mall.

She can figure out what she’s looking for when she gets there.

When she reaches the station, Sayo from Roselia is there, scanning the timetable. Tsugumi wonders if she should call out to her and decides against it. Sayo-san seems occupied, she thinks, and it’s not like they’ve talked since the time they got baking supplies together.

It had been a very enjoyable experience, and it seemed to Tsugumi like the usually stoic Sayo had also had a good time. True, there was never a dull moment with her friends, but guiding Sayo through the process of baking had been an interesting respite from their group dynamic. But school, practice, and the march of daily life had once again come into focus, and neither of them had reached out afterwards.

She seems like someone I’d really like to get to know better, though.

Sayo looks back, and before Tsugumi can snap out of her reverie enough to instinctively look in the other direction and pretend she hasn’t noticed, their eyes meet. Tsugumi grits her teeth as a sudden wave of nervousness overtakes her, but Sayo tilts her head in recognition, raises her hand, and walks towards the bench.

“Good afternoon, Hazawa-san. Are you usually at the station at this time?”

Sayo sits next to her with a ghostly grace, her green eyes piercing through shades of blue. A few stray thoughts enter Tsugumi’s mind—she’s so put together, and... she has a really pretty face. Her outfits are always blues and purples, they really bring out her eyes. Is that a weird thing to notice about someone else? I think it is. And then—she’s sitting really close. Well, it makes sense, we’re on the same bench, but our faces are so close to each other. Is this normal?

Tsugumi settles on looking ahead at the rails to avoid staring and realizes she forgot to answer the question.

“U-uh, hello Sayo-san. Normally I spend time with the band after practice, but today I thought I’d go into town for a bit! And what about you?”

Point: Tsugumi. Good recovery, Tsugu!

“The other members of Roselia will usually insist upon me accompanying them to some café or restaurant on a day like this. However, it seems like I’m enjoying a quiet afternoon today,” she says, with a shadow of a smile. Or perhaps it’s a regular Sayo smile?

“Oh!” Tsugumi says with a start. “I’m sorry, did you not want any company today?”

“Of course not, Hazawa-san. Your company is always welcome,” Sayo says quickly.

I really should have asked Sayo-san to spend more time with me earlier, she thinks, and resolves to do just that in the future, thanking this fortunate coincidence.

But Sayo is not one for animated conversation, and they sit in companionable silence for a short time until the train arrives.

They both stand up, look at each other, and Sayo says, “Oh, is this one yours too?”

“Yes, I’m taking a trip to the mall today.”

Another small smile from Sayo, and then she says, “As am I. Shall we go together, then?”

Yes! I’d love to!

“Yes, I’d love to,” Tsugumi says, calm as can be, giving herself another point.

They ride the train together and arrive in the heart of the city. Despite it being later in the day, it is warmer than it was on the way to the station. Tsugumi imagines that it could be a sign that the day is looking up, and wonders if Sayo would scoff at her if she said anything to that effect.

“It seems like the sun’s come out a bit, Sayo-san! Perhaps it’s a sign?” She looks at Sayo carefully.

To her pleasant surprise, Sayo laughs softly, and Tsugumi’s heart skips a little bit (just nerves?) .

“So it seems. We’d better get going, then. Who knows when the clouds might come back to darken our day?”

Tsugumi thinks that she was probably being a little bit ridiculous to be so timid. Behind all of that sternness and seriousness and poise, is a person just like her, and it would do Sayo a disservice to fear her like she didn’t have feelings. Maybe Sayo is just more careful with showing them, just like how Tsugumi hides all of her Afterglow-brand wackiness behind layers of good cheer and nervous politeness.

After all, it’s not like normal people kept a tally of successful social interactions in their head. Perhaps she should stop doing that? Are some people just born awkward? Or does everyone learn how to not be awkward and she just missed that day of school? Maybe if she really gave her full attention to the people she was with instead of trying to keep track of how good she was at socializing, she’d be a little better at socializing. But then there would be more points to keep track of… but wait, she just said she wouldn’t-

“Hazawa-san?”

“Y-yes! Sorry, what were you saying?” Okay, that’s a point off for sure, she thinks, face burning.

“I was just wondering, did you have any place in mind?”

Tsugumi’s mind fires on all cylinders as she tries to figure out a place to go, cursing her past self for leaving it up until now to decide.

She comes up blank, and says, “Ummm, not really. I don’t actually have any plans right now, it just felt a little weird because all the other band members are doing stuff with each other. I guess normally that’s okay but I was feeling, um, a little off, and I didn’t want to go... straight... home...”

When Sayo turns to face her, Tsugumi trails off, trying to figure out why she just said all of that.

For a few seconds Sayo’s expression is unreadable, but after a while she says, “I’m kind of amazed, to be honest with you. I’m... actually doing the same thing.” She looks away, uncharacteristically embarrassed.

Tsugumi has no idea what to make of that, but after that exchange it feels like they’re walking a little closer together.

Despite the winter weather, they settle on ice cream, partly out of a lack of anything else to do. Tsugumi works her way through strawberry, while Sayo drenches her vanilla scoop in chocolate syrup, which Tsugumi thinks is cute (wait, cute?) because she doesn’t seem like the kind of person who’d indulge in anything overly sweet. She feels almost lucky that Sayo is showing this side to her, even if it’s in the smallest of ways.

“Umm, Sayo-san?” Tsugumi ventures, as they walk from store to store, and Sayo sticks her spoon in her ice cream, pausing her chocolate attack. “Sorry if you don’t want to talk about it, but do you mind if I ask what you meant when you were doing the same thing as me?”

Sayo closes her eyes, frowning a little bit in thought. “It just didn’t feel quite right going straight home after practice. Minato-san and Imai-san are doing something together today, as are Udagawa-san and Shirokane-san. I could have, should have, perhaps, practiced a little more, but I felt...”

“Yeah,” Tsugumi nods, almost frantically. “Like it would be even weirder practicing alone when all the other band members are out having fun? With each other? I don’t know. M-maybe you don’t feel that way-”

But Sayo murmurs agreement, and it feels liberating to know that someone else feels the same way she does. Maybe Sayo, too, feels like an outsider in her own band sometimes, or worries about being inadequate or forgettable. Maybe she wonders whether or not her closest friends really care about her but does her best not to show it.

The sun is low in the sky when they get back to the station, and Tsugumi has to shield her eyes from the glare. Her elbow brushes against Sayo’s arm every so often, and it seems like neither of them mind all that much, so she doesn’t make any attempt to move away.

She’s so... real. And earnest. It’s so refreshing to see the ways she expresses her feelings. It’s never exaggerated, always genuine.

A train arrives, and Sayo double-checks the schedule, standing up to leave.

“This is mine,” Sayo says. “Are you good getting home?”

Tsugumi nods. “I’m pretty close to the station. Thank you for asking.”

Sayo gives her a small wave and turns towards the approaching train.

“Sayo-san!” She says, a little louder to be heard over the noise of the station (and perhaps a little bit too enthusiastically in her haste to capitalize on her sudden resolve, judging from Sayo’s stifled exclamation).  “Are you, by any chance, it’s okay if not, I mean are you busy next week, perhaps, um, Friday again?”

Oh my god, Tsugu. That’s, I don’t know, let’s say minus a thousand points and call it a day-

“I’d love to meet with you next Friday, Hazawa-san.”

“You can call me Tsugumi, if you like.” she says, “Tsugu, even. If you want to, that is.”

When Sayo turns around and smiles, Tsugumi doesn’t worry about what Sayo might have thought, doesn’t try and take it back or stammer an apology, and doesn’t spare a thought towards how many points that could be worth.

After all, she doesn’t need to.

Chapter Text

When practice ends the next week, Moca comes over to where Tsugumi is at the keyboard and flops over it.

“Tsugu...” she says, drawing out the name. “We’re getting something to eat. Where do you wanna go?”

Tsugumi gently pushes her off the keyboard, which is wobbling dangerously, and starts packing up.

“Sorry, Moca-chan. Normally I’d love to, but I’ve got... I can’t today.”

Part of her chides herself for not being more forthcoming about her friendship with Sayo. But it feels like their own private world, an exciting, hidden gem amidst the busy lives and schedules of their respective bands. Something unexpected and secret. Tsugumi feels a little guilty about it but wants to keep it that way, at least for a little while.

“Ehhh? You’ve got what? A secret lover?”

“W-what?”

“Tall and smooth, coming in all cool with his leather jacket and motorcycle? I’ve got it exactly on the nose, I’ll bet. Can you introduce me? Moca-chan wants to meet him...”

Normally Tsugumi would laugh, or scold Moca for her playful antics, but this time she turns away, slightly pink, images of Sayo in her mind.

I mean, Sayo is quite tall. And... cool, right? Certainly more smooth than I am. She’d probably never ride a motorcycle, though, she thinks, giggling internally. They’re not practical enough.

Tsugumi fails miserably at hiding her facial expressions, and Moca squints at her, suspicious.

“So you do have one! Hm... I’ll let you off the hook today, but one day you better have him meet the family~”

It’s weird, Tsugumi muses on her way to the station, to imagine herself running away with some handsome and manly motorcyclist. She’d never entertained the idea before and doesn’t find it particularly appealing.

Laughing to herself at the idea that Moca suspects that she has a secret boyfriend, she cuts a brisk path through the streets, excited to spend time with Sayo again. It would be nice to be able to meet every Friday, she thinks, hoping that Sayo would agree. Like something concrete to look forward to every week.

When she arrives she’s greeted by Sayo, already sitting at the bench.

“Good afternoon, Sayo! I’m sorry, did I keep you waiting long?” she says, sitting next to her.

“Not at all,” she responds, simply—they’ve both arrived early.

Today they’re headed towards the park at Tsugumi’s suggestion. Ignoring the fact that it might be too early for dinner, Tsugumi has two rice balls freshly homemade before practice, tucked away in her bag.

On the train she notices that Sayo is moving her fingers in a repetitive pattern. She watches as they twitch and dance along her bag. Eventually, Sayo notices her staring and crosses her arms sheepishly.

“I had a bit of trouble today. There’s a particularly hard part in my solo, I’m going to try and get it perfect when I get home." Sayo looks down. “My apologies. I just don’t feel quite comfortable unless I know I can get it right.”

“You’re really determined,” Tsugumi responds.

She sighs and stares out the window on the other side of the train, and Tsugumi is left wondering if she said the wrong thing.

They reach their stop a short time thereafter, and as they walk Tsugumi breaks the silence and asks, “What do you think of motorcycles?”

“What?”

Embarrassed, Tsugumi repeats, “You know, motorcycles.” She punctuates it with a half-hearted revving motion.

Amused, Sayo says, “They’re dangerous. And unnecessary. What makes you ask?”

Tsugumi giggles. “Moca-chan said something today that made me think about you riding on a motorcycle. And I couldn’t help but think that you would never be caught dead on one. Glad I was right,” she says, swinging her bag.

Sayo looks like she’s about to ask another question, but then looks away, brow furrowed in thought.

They decide on a spot out of the way from the busiest area of the park. Tsugumi pulls out the rice balls, handing one to Sayo. When Sayo eyes the rice, Tsugumi nudges her.

“Surprised it’s not cookies or something? I don’t live off of baked goods, you know.”

Sayo looks up, startled. “Huh? No, I mean, that’s not-”

Tsugumi grins, pleased at being able to fluster the usually composed girl, and decides that getting Sayo to stumble and stutter for once is definitely worth a point.

They eat, making idle conversation, when all of a sudden Sayo turns to her.

“May I ask you a question?”

“Hm?"

“You say I’m determined, right? What’s the point if it’s never good enough? What’s the point if I practice but there are always people more talented than me?”

Sayo’s eyes hide exhaustion and frustration. “Sometimes I even feel like I alienate the other members of my band. I just get so caught up in wanting to do better. Just... wanting to match my own expectations. I worry a lot that they see me as someone who only cares about that and that they’ll get tired of it. And of me. But I don’t care about just that. I have... grown to care about them a lot.”

It doesn’t look like she slept well, Tsugumi thinks, realizing that her own perceived imperfections probably bother her a lot more than she lets on. She seems like the kind of person who can’t rest if she goes to bed leaving something unfinished. Sayo isn’t cold or emotionless like other people might think, it seems to her. And Tsugumi considers it a shame that people do think that, because Sayo, in all of her carefully thought-out sentences and subtle considerations and dark rings around her eyes, cares a whole awful lot about a whole awful lot of things.

“I apologize for dumping all of this on you, Tsugumi,” she continues. “I didn’t want to bring the mood down. I shouldn’t deprive us of this nice afternoon.”

“No, it’s not... Please, keep going.”

Sayo sighs. “You know Hina, yes? My sister?”

Tsugumi nods.

“She can just take in a song and play it, if that makes sense. She can feel the energy and match it without having to think about it. She can get the notes and chords without having to play them over and over again. How am I supposed to compete with that?”

For a moment, they don’t say anything, but then Tsugumi suddenly takes Sayo’s hands in hers. They are calloused, toughened from countless hours of dedication. She looks at Sayo, seeking her approval, and Sayo squeezes back weakly.

Tsugumi slowly learns the feel of her hands. They are at once stern and soft, strong and delicate.

“If you only had to play anything once,” she says, half to herself, tracing the roughness in Sayo’s fingers, “they wouldn’t feel like this.”

“What do you mean?”

“I guess I don’t really think music is about that,” Tsugumi says, pausing to formulate her thoughts.  “Each time you practice,” she says, “you put a little bit of yourself into the music, don’t you think? Struggling is... kind of like refining your sound. And, maybe you might see all the times you couldn’t get it quite right, and because you worked on it for so long, that’s the only thing you can think about. But in the end, when people hear you play, you know, they get to hear the unique way that you got there. If you played perfectly from the start, would you really feel connected to the music in the way that you do now?”

“I... I never thought of it like that.”

Sayo pulls Tsugumi’s hands ever so slightly closer to her, and they feel each other’s warmth, keeping it close between them amidst the chilly winter air.

“Sayo,” she murmurs, looking at their hands. “Sometimes I feel the same way you do. Like I don’t fit in with my own friends. And I try to tell myself that it’s all in my head but when it really gets bad that’s just not enough, you know?”

She nods in understanding.

“And I feel like I constantly have to practice twice as hard just to keep up with everyone. Sometimes, I even cry. One time, I’m not even kidding, I almost passed out from practicing so much. Isn’t that so dumb? Just, I can get so frustrated. But I love it. I love music. And I, I love playing.”

She speaks a little louder. “I hope you enjoy playing. I hope that even when you mess up or have a rough day at practice, you can always come back to it the next day, because you like it.”

“Yes,” Sayo says, and she looks so unguarded, shining green eyes filled with emotion, that Tsugumi wishes she could take a picture in her head and save it forever.

They walk back to the station, and wait for their trains.

“Thank you for today. I’m sorry, you brought rice balls and all I brought was my emotional problems,” Sayo says, and at first Tsugumi doesn’t believe that Sayo would be one for self-deprecating humor, but she has a wry smile on her face.

Sayo clears her throat. “Are you perhaps also available next week? We could do Friday again.”

“Of course.”

Tsugumi almost feels like dancing with happiness at hearing her unspoken thoughts voiced by the other girl. Another week, another Friday. Six more days — the countdown begins now! Instead she settles for rubbing her hands together absently, fighting the cold of the early winter evening.

All of a sudden, a hand grasps hers clumsily, and Sayo mutters, “For warmth?”

It’s barely audible, and Tsugumi’s not completely sure that she heard it right. But Sayo is looking forward at the other side of the tracks, resolutely avoiding eye contact, and Tsugumi is reminded of herself trying not to stare at her when they met last week.

Tsugumi would laugh at how adorable and awkward it was if she weren’t also concentrating ferociously on keeping her breathing even.

Sayo is doing the motions of her part on the guitar again, and Tsugumi can feel the pressure of rough fingers wrapped around hers, tapping ever so slightly against the back of her hand.

Warmth indeed, she thinks, as her heart jumps in every direction, doing somersaults and tumbles in her chest, not daring to wonder if Sayo’s heart is beating the same way, not daring to wonder if this is friendship or love.

Chapter Text

Tsugumi walks in the studio to see Tomoe in the back, setting up the drum kit at her usual spot.

“Hey, Tomoe-chan,” she says in greeting, walking over to the keyboard. “Why did you want to start ten minutes early today?”

“I didn’t. I only told you that.” Tomoe gestures at her with her drumsticks and grins.

“What? What do you mean?”

“So,” she says, walking over to Tsugumi and ignoring the question. “Sayo-san, huh? When were you going to tell us? Come on, I want to know all the juicy details.”

How did she know? And what juicy details is she talking about?

“I don’t know what you’re saying. We’ve been spending some time together, but that’s it. And how did you even find out?”

Tomoe puts a finger to her lips, giving Tsugumi a cheeky grin. “Girl’s got her secrets.”

She sits on the bench next to her, playing a soundless scale on the unplugged keyboard. “So just friends, huh? What’s she like? Is she mean? I feel like I’ve never even seen her crack a smile, you know?”

Tsugumi huffs. “You only see her when she’s practicing or performing with Roselia. Just because she takes her music seriously doesn’t mean she never smiles.”

She turns away, slightly red. “Also, just because Sayo’s quieter than most people doesn’t mean she isn’t nice, okay? It’s really unfair to think that about her. She’s always trying to consider other people’s feelings. She’s nice. Really, really nice, and really pretty-”

Tomoe’s grin widens when Tsugumi abruptly stops talking.

“I-I mean, not like- I don’t mean that... I mean, she is, but- come on, you know what I’m saying-”

Tomoe pulls her into a one armed side-hug. “Sorry, sorry. I didn’t mean it like that, Tsugu, yeah? Come on, stop pouting, I won’t ask you anything else. Just know... whatever happens, I’ve got your back, okay?”

“Thanks,” she says. “Um, is it okay if you didn’t tell the others that I’m friends with Sayo? Not yet. I’ll tell them, but I want to have this to myself. Just for a little bit.”

As if summoned, Ran and Moca walk in, followed shortly by Himari.

“Hi Tomoe, hi Tsugu!” Himari says cheerfully. “You got here early today!”

“Guess we did,” Tomoe says, giving Tsugumi a conspiratorial wink and a thumbs up.

Tsugumi plays clumsily for the first few songs, distracted with wondering how Tomoe found out about her clandestine Friday meetings. Gradually, however, she begins to drop her worries, focusing on the music and letting everything else melt away.

“Good session,” Ran says, taking a large sip of water. “Tsugumi, you really got into it today. Keep it up.”

“Same as always,” Tsugumi responds, and Ran laughs and shakes her head.

They go over some notes on new songs and discuss improvements to old songs. After a while, Tsugumi checks the time and realizes with a start that she has to leave.

“Bye, everyone! I’ll see you this weekend!”

The band had made plans to go out for dinner tomorrow to celebrate Tsugumi’s birthday, which had happened a couple days ago. Tsugumi had cautiously asked Sayo if she wanted to come, and had been sorely disappointed—Roselia had a small show on Saturday and she had said she was unable to make it.

“I’ve been wondering, Tsugu,” Ran says, “where do you go on Fridays? Do you have another club or something? Or is it something the student council just started doing?”

Tsugumi stops on her way out the door, unsure of what to say.

“If you’re running late, you can tell us later,” Tomoe supplies helpfully, with a meaningful look in her direction.

Tomoe with the assist! Points to both of us!

“Yes! Sorry, but I really have to go! I’ll tell you about it later!”

She stops again, feeling a little bad for doubting her friends. “A-and, sorry if I’ve been distant lately. I just wasn’t in a great place, and, you know. But thanks, everyone. You’re the best friends I could hope for.”

“We love you, Tsugu!” Himari makes a heart over her head with her arms, and it feels like a weight has lifted from Tsugumi’s chest.

She walks quickly, praying that she’ll be there in time. When she arrives at the station, Sayo is once again already there. She spots Tsugumi, stands up, and waves.

“Sorry,” Tsugumi begins, despite still managing to get there early, smoothing out her clothes.

“I just got here,” Sayo finishes for her, smiling.

And to think that Tomoe’s never seen that smile. She’s missing out on one of the Seven Wonders of the Modern World.

A thought enters her mind, and Tsugumi counts the benches to her left and right out of curiosity.

Does she sit at the same bench every time? Is there something she likes about this one?

“Are you looking for something?”

“No. Well, not exactly.”

Sayo furrows her brow. “Now I’m curious.”

“Promise you won’t laugh?” She asks, and Sayo nods.

“I was wondering if we sat at the same bench every time. Because if we did, that would be kind of special, wouldn’t it? It would be our bench. So I was counting them to see, so there are five to the left of us-”

“And five to the right,” Sayo says, without needing to count herself. “It feels nice to try and sit in the middle of the station, especially when it’s at a less busy time. So I can confirm your suspicions. We’ve always sat at this bench.”

Amazing, Tsugumi thinks. It's nice to know that Sayo has her own little quirks. It’s so endearing.

“It would be kind of nice if we could mark this bench somehow, just so we can remember it,” she says, but Sayo frowns at the prospect of defacing public property. “Not like carving into it! But, maybe like a sticker or something?”

“I do rather like that idea. In any case, let’s go.”

Tsugumi considers asking where Sayo plans to take them, but decides that it would be more fun to leave it as a surprise, and looks around as they walk out of the busiest parts of the city.

“I haven’t thanked you properly for last week, Tsugumi,” Sayo begins. “I’ve found that I’ve been a little more relaxed at practice. I ended up trying to focus less on the technique and more on enjoying and exploring the kind of sound I produce. I... really appreciate the perspective you gave me.”

“I’m really happy to hear that. I think your concert is going to be the best!”

Sayo hums. “I hope so.”

“Speaking of, Roselia is having another small live show, and it’s going to be after school next Friday. I know you probably have practice, and normally I would never advocate for anyone to skip something like that.” She pauses.

“If you... If you have the time and want to, I would really like it if you came. I can get you tickets and everything, and I just want to show you that I really do love playing music.”

“Yes,” Tsugumi says, breathing out. “Yes, definitely.”

Sayo navigates with practiced ease, and shortly thereafter convenience stores and bustling city streets fall away to houses and apartment buildings. She turns onto a walkway leading to one such apartment, and Tsugumi follows her up the stairs until they stop at one of the many identical doors.

Sayo pulls a key out of her bag and turns it in the lock.

“Hina, we’re home,” she calls out, and the sister in question appears in the hallway, sliding across the hardwood floor on her socks.

“Onee-chan! You said Tsugumi was gonna be here, too, right—oh, Tsugu-chan! Hey! How are you? Are you guys staying long? Are you staying for dinner?”

Sayo winces briefly at the barrage of questions. “Would you be alright with having dinner here?”

“That would be lovely. Thanks,” Tsugumi says.

Sayo checks to make sure that Hina is safely out of the room, and picks up a simply decorated box sitting on the counter.

“I wanted to do something for you to make up for not being able to celebrate your birthday on Saturday, so I asked Udagawa-san to ask her sister for designs that you might like. She said that you liked the night sky and the stars, so I made you this.”

So that’s how Tomoe-chan found out. Tsugumi opens the box, and gasps when she looks inside.

Cookies, of all kinds—all cut to the same five pointed shape, but immaculately decorated with different colored icing, and each graced with unique dotted and swirled designs.

Her first thought is wow, she’s improved a lot, these look really great, and her second thought is the icing is all light blues and purples and greens, they’re like Sayo’s colors. Then it hits her, the amount of effort that must have gone into these, and when she thinks of Sayo making the icing and carefully, gently decorating each star, Tsugumi’s vision gets blurry, and she sets the box down and pulls Sayo into a tight hug-

“Thank you, thank you so much,” she says, choked with emotion.

Sayo awkwardly hugs her back. “Please don’t cry, Tsugu, don’t cry,” she says, a little panicked.

Tsugumi laughs, teary-eyed. “I’m sorry, I’m such a mess, I hugged you without even asking, I just thought about how much time you must have put in and got overwhelmed.”

“Also, that’s the first time you’ve called me Tsugu,” she says, pointing it out between sniffles.

“No... I’m really glad. And so it is,” she mumbles.

Hina peeks out of her room and smiles to herself at the sight of Sayo, who is very out of her element, holding a very emotional Tsugumi.

Sayo and Hina’s parents eventually come home, and dinner is a calmer affair. They ask her questions about school and her band, and she responds politely, doing her best to come off as well as possible.

Afterwards, Tsugumi says her goodbyes and thank yous, and Sayo follows her outside.

“Please let me know when you get home. Also, I think they like you,” Sayo says, much to Tsugumi’s relief.

Tsugumi looks left and right, then settles on setting the box carefully down on the hallway outside (“I didn’t want to take it to school because I wanted to make sure the stacks were still neat, I organized them by the color of the icing,” she had said), and hugs her again.

“Thank you again. This means so much to me.”

“I had a nice experience making it. And I wanted it to be special... I suppose. For you,” Sayo says, quietly.

Tsugumi buries her head in Sayo’s shoulder, and they hold each other in the hallway, frozen in time, and then Tsugumi pulls away.

“Goodbye, Sayo.”

“Friday,” she says in response.

When she opens the door to the outside air, Hina follows from behind, catching up to her.

“Hey,” she says, breathless.

“I just wanted to say thanks. Maybe I’m imagining it, but my sister’s been, I don’t know how to describe it, but I feel like it’s because of you.”

Hina looks down. “I know how she can feel about me sometimes. But I think... I think it’s been the best week we’ve had, in a long time. She’s never been this open with me before.”

Tsugumi doesn’t quite know what to say. “I’m... glad? I hope it stays that way.”

Hina pats her on the shoulder playfully. “She talks about you a lot, you know. More than anyone else. Maybe more than anyone else combined.”

“Really?”

“Yeah! She’s like, Tsugumi said this, and Tsugumi is doing that, and I want to marry my dearest darling Tsugumi-“

At this, Tsugumi blushes furiously and Hina laughs.

“Only joking. Uh, don’t tell her I said that last thing. Catch you later!”

With that, the front door closes with a click.

Tsugumi walks back to the station, and once again opens the box, half expecting it to be empty, and for her to wake up from the most wonderful dream. But the stars are still there, twinkling in shades of Sayo.

She can't even imagine what these colors meant to her before Sayo arrived, suddenly and in full force, into her life. Graceful, beautiful colors, both muted and intense. Tsugumi looks at those colors and dares to bite into them.

She savors the sweet, light taste of the cookie, and she confirms that they are, in fact, real. Again, she imagines Sayo working carefully to decorate each one, thinking about how each star was made for her and her alone.

And she looks, one more time, into the box and she finds not the cookies, but her feelings, burning more brightly than anything that could be found in the night sky.

Chapter Text

Tsugumi keeps up with Afterglow’s text messages, but has always preferred calling to texting. So when Tsugumi wants to talk to Tomoe, she obliges, picking up the phone.

“Hey, Tsugu-”

“I’m panicking! I should have asked Sayo for more information but I totally forgot and now it might be weird if I ask now! It’s a concert so I should dress in layers, right? Is this something I need to dress formally for? And do you think this is one of those shows where people bring penlights and stuff? Oh, goodness, I totally forgot, should I bring anything for her? Flowers? No, she wouldn’t like flowers. Or would she-“

Tomoe cuts her off. “Okay, first things first, calm down.”

She hears a few deep breaths over the phone.

“Great. Now. First issue. Clothes, right?”

“Right.”

“Formal clothes probably aren't necessary. It’s just a casual live show. I’d say just wear normal clothes, and a jacket that you can take off if it gets hot.”

A short pause. “Got it.”

“...did you just write that down or something?”

Silence over the phone is all the confirmation she needs, and she laughs.

“Anyway, second issue. Give me one minute.”

Tomoe sets her phone down and runs to Ako’s room.

“Ako! Are you in there?”

Ako opens the door after a second. “Huh?”

“What kind of concert are you putting on tomorrow? Specifically, is this like an event that would require a penlight?”

Her sister thinks about it for a second, then shrugs, grinning. “I didn’t really pay that much attention to stuff like that when we were planning the live.”

“Useless!” She cries, running back to her room in exasperation.

Picking up the phone again, she asks, “Okay. Do you have a penlight?”

“Yes,” Tsugumi says.

“Great. Put it in your bag and you can take it out if you see other people carrying them. Oh, and I don’t think you need to bring flowers. Flowers are for, like, recitals and... stuff of that nature. You don’t need something like that to show your appreciation.”

“Now that I think about it, most of my questions had pretty obvious answers.”

Tomoe snorts with laughter. “Yeah, well, that’s what happens when you can’t think rationally because you’re head over heels in love with-“

Tsugumi hangs up with a click.

Speechless, she looks at her phone. One new message.

Sorry, Tomoe-chan. I hung up so suddenly... guess I wasn’t thinking rationally ^^

“Why, you...”

The day after, Tsugumi goes home immediately after school (“Let’s call it a birthday present,” she had said when asking the band if they could reschedule their usual Friday rehearsal) and changes out of her school uniform.

Jacket, check. Bag, check. Penlight, check. Tsugu, check. She lightly touches everything she needs to bring, then pats herself on the head, giggling at her weird antics.

She gets ready to leave, but suddenly remembers something and goes into her closest. After a bit of rummaging, she pulls out a small box of scrapbooking materials.

She picks out a simply designed heart sticker. Got it!

Tsugumi arrives at the station near her house a mere two minutes early as opposed to her usual ten. She sighs with relief upon seeing the train pull in. The train stops at the station in the city where she meets Sayo every week after rehearsal, and as expected, she is waiting there.

Sayo gets on the train and nods in greeting. “Good afternoon-”

“Hold on,” Tsugumi says, dashing out of the train.

Before Sayo can say anything, Tsugumi takes the sticker on her finger, crouches down, sticks it to the corner of the bench, and runs back in.

“The doors could have closed on you,” Sayo frowns. “There had to have been a better way to do that.”

“I didn’t have time to check to make sure it was the right bench, so I’m counting on your reliability,” Tsugumi says, breathing hard.

Sayo gives her an amused look. “Of course. I didn’t get to see the sticker though, what was it?”

Suddenly self conscious, Tsugumi says, “I suppose you’ll find out eventually.”

When the train stops again they get off, together this time, and walk to the venue, a popular restaurant known for its large outdoor space in the back reserved for live music. Tsugumi follows Sayo to the back, looking idly at the dimly-lit decor.

“Alright,” Sayo stops at a door near the back of the stage area. “This is the dressing room they gave us, so I’m going to go in there and get warmed up with the rest of the band. I know the show doesn’t start for another hour, so I’m very grateful you walked with me.”

“I’d rather walk with you and wait an hour than walk here alone and not have to wait at all,” Tsugumi replies, completely earnest.

Sayo hugs her lightly in appreciation. “I’ll look for you in the audience.”

Despite the time, several seats are already filled. Tsugumi looks around, noting the lack of penlights, and picks a seat in the center of an empty row near the front. She settles in, getting ready for the show, watching as the crowd gradually fills up.

When the lights dim, the members of Roselia come out in costume. They cut striking figures on the stage, dark outfits lit dramatically.

“Thank you for coming to our live show,” Yukina says before introducing herself, and excited whispers travel across the crowd.

Does it bother Sayo that most of these people are probably here for Minato-san? Probably not. She cares most about the performance, right?

Sayo subtly catches her eye and smiles ever so slightly. I bet it makes her happy to know that at least one person is definitely here specifically for her, though.

They begin their set, and Tsugumi is blown away.

The energy is palpable, and Roselia brings a heavy, mature atmosphere to the stage. Ako and Rinko both have no trouble keeping up with the demanding set, glancing at each other and flashing thumbs-ups between songs. Lisa plays with the practiced ease of someone who gets better at her instrument with every show. Yukina sings, filled with emotion, and her powerful voice enraptures the crowd.

But Tsugumi’s eyes fall back to Sayo each time. She is immersed in every song; she looks like she feels it with every bone in her body. Her fingers dance along the frets, her part long since committed to muscle memory. She is smooth and precise, like ice water holding together the fiery intensity of the show.

Her face is a picture of calm serenity, somehow both looking out of place and perfectly matched to the rest of the band. There are parts where she tenses her jaw when focusing on a particularly hard section. But her frustrations and her feelings of inadequacy and the dark rings around her eyes are nowhere to be found, demons held at bay by the powerful feelings created by their music.

Tsugumi looks at her, a flawless image upon the stage, and nothing else matters.

She’s beautiful, Tsugumi thinks.

They hit the final chord on the final song and the crowd goes wild, standing up and cheering, and Tsugumi joins them, swept away by the energy of those around her.

After the show she waits by the dressing room, face flushed from the excitement.

“You were indescribable,” Tsugumi says, breathlessly. “I- I don’t even know what to say. I honestly couldn’t even take my eyes off of you.”

“Surely Minato-san was much more the star of the show than I was-”

“No,” Tsugumi shakes her head for emphasis. “You, for sure.”

Sayo looks away, bashful. “It was really because of you. I was going through a rough patch in regards to my playing. And you helped me get out of it. By being here for me.”

She turns towards the dressing room. “I’m going to deal with this costume. And all this makeup.” She grimaces. “Putting on all of this is my least favorite part of doing these shows by far.”

“If it’s worth anything, you looked really pretty on stage,” Tsugumi says. “I mean, not that you don’t look good without makeup! Actually, I thought that it was, um, just the sight of your... passion that made you look beautiful, but I guess the makeup definitely didn’t hurt... and actually, you just always look good!”

She buries her head in her hands. “Never mind.”

But Sayo taps her lightly on her shoulder and murmurs thanks into her ear, and when Tsugumi looks up, she is gone, the dressing room door closing behind her.

Once she reemerges, guitar case in tow, they leave together through the back exit leading out into the street. Sometime during the concert, the sun has set, and Tsugumi looks up, the stars twinkling in the sky.

“I guess you didn’t get the first star tonight?” Sayo says, recalling something Tsugumi had said before.

“No,” Tsugumi says after some thought, poking her. “I definitely did.”

Sayo laughs. “Please. Stop teasing me.”

Tsugumi can’t help but laugh too. If only I could always be that smooth.

“How did it feel?” Tsugumi asks. “Performing tonight.”

Sayo thinks about it.

“Like I was invincible,” she says, and Tsugumi doesn’t need any clarification to understand.

It makes me feel that way too. To let audiences feel what we feel when we perform. To show them our struggles and our insecurities and our journeys. To make them hear us, hear our music.

The streets are quiet, much of the audience having left a while ago. They stand there, shoulder to shoulder, looking at the vast expanse of night, enjoying each other’s company in silence.

“Do you want to know what my favorite part of the whole show was?” Tsugumi eventually whispers, as if trying not to disturb the peace of the quiet background noise of the city.

“Yes,” Sayo says. Her breath comes out visible against the cold of the winter night.

“It was... it was after Minato-san sang without anyone else playing, in that one song, ‘Louder,’ and then the rest of you came back in with your instruments for the rest of the chorus.”

Sayo nods, knowing the part well.

“I was watching you then. Actually, I mainly watched you the whole time,” she says, and they both blush, unbeknownst to the other, faces indiscernible in the dark.

“You took a deep breath, squeezed your eyes shut, and then it felt like you gave it absolutely everything you had. It was really powerful to me. And I think that was… that was when I realized what this feeling was. For sure.”

Tsugumi clenches and unclenches her fists, trying to keep them from shaking.

“What do you mean?” Sayo whispers back, almost inaudible.

Another visible breath punctuates the question, and an eternal second goes by before it vanishes in the air—and Tsugumi turns to look at Sayo. She takes a deep breath, squeezes her eyes shut, gives it absolutely, positively, everything she has, and meets Sayo’s lips with her own.

And for one immeasurable moment, every single point she’s ever awarded herself in her entire life hangs in the balance. Then Sayo is kissing her back, and her soul, unbound by gravity, soars up in the sky and dances, decorated with greens and blues and purples among the stars.

Chapter Text

Tsugumi waits outside the studio where Roselia practices, listening to the muted sounds of their music. When she hears the music stop she opens the door enough to see inside. Upon seeing the band preparing to begin another song she hesitates, wondering if she should continue to wait. But before she can leave, Sayo catches her eye, brightening ever so slightly and giving her a small nod.

So she steps inside, closing the door as quietly as possible. A couple seconds pass, and it strikes her that she has no idea what to do with herself. Ah, there’s no chair... Should I just stand?

Ako leads them in to the next song, and Tsugumi settles on sitting cross-legged on the floor. Occasionally Yukina or Sayo will cut them off and mention something, and they begin again, every member focusing on perfecting their part.

They’re a lot more serious than us, Tsugumi thinks. I can’t even imagine us getting through a practice like that. We’re just too weird sometimes. Like that time when someone said a joke between songs and Himari laughed so hard she started choking. Or the time when Tomoe tried to look cool by throwing her drumsticks in the air and she hit herself on the head. Or the time when Ran got so embarrassed at something Moca said that she just left the room for twenty minutes.

The sounds of instruments being packed up brings her attention away from reminiscing over the antics of her band, so she stands up to greet them.

“Hi, Tsugu-chin!” Ako says from behind the drumset. “Are you here to pick up your girlfriend?”

She emphasizes the last word in a sing-song voice and looks at Sayo a cheeky grin in hopes of provoking a flustered reaction.

Sayo clears her throat softly. “As a matter of fact, she is.”

Ako drops her drumsticks in shock.

“Wait, y-you mean, you’re, you two are actually ...”

“For a couple of weeks,” Tsugumi adds, shyly.

Lisa claps her hands together. “This is so exciting! I was wondering what had changed. Normally you’re so reluctant for practice to finish, but recently there been a spring in your step when you leave!”

Sayo bites her lip, embarrassed. “I... I practice at home too.”

“Don’t worry,” Lisa laughs, “We all know you’re a hard worker.”

Ako chimes in, having recovered from her initial bout of surprise.

“Yeah, we know you have an image to preserve. We won’t tell the public that a mysterious damsel from a rival band has somehow captured your heart and stolen you away from your devotion to practice-”

Tsugumi stammers out in denial, “I-it’s not like that!”

“Congratulations to you both,” Rinko says. “I hope we can get to know you better, Hazawa-san.”

Yukina has a thoughtful expression on her face and for a moment, Tsugumi is afraid that she won’t approve. She knows how serious Yukina is about her band, and an unwelcome thought flashes into her mind, spurred on by Ako's joke: Will Yukina-senpai think I’m a distraction?

But then she approaches Tsugumi and actually bows to her slightly, and Tsugumi stifles a nervous giggle at the unexpected formality from the older girl.

“Thank you for taking care of Sayo,” she says. “I think you two seem very well matched.”

“I think she mainly takes care of me,” Tsugumi finds herself saying, ears red from the sudden praise.

Sayo finds Tsugumi’s hand with her own and takes hold of it. “Are you ready to go?”

Before leaving, Sayo turns to face the other members of her band.

“I must confess, I was reluctant to tell all of you immediately. I wanted to wait until we had done another show to prove to you that I could still play to our expectations. But... now I see that wasn’t necessary. Thank you for your confidence in me," Sayo gives Tsugumi’s hand a little squeeze, and she squeezes back, "and in our relationship.”

“Thank you, everyone,” Tsugumi echoes.

She realizes that Sayo was right; it really was unnecessary to worry too much over whether Roselia would be anything other than supportive. After all, they’re not just Sayo’s bandmates, or colleagues, or acquaintances.

They’re her friends, or at least they’ve grown to be, and Tsugumi knows it without even having to spend more than ten minutes in Roselia’s practice room. She knows it from the way Ako teases Sayo without fear no matter how many times Sayo glares at her. She knows it from the way Rinko doesn’t stutter or mumble when asking Sayo for advice on how loudly she should play in a certain section. She knows it from the way Lisa can barely contain her excitement when she hugs them goodbye.

She knows it from the way the normally stern, disapproving Yukina actually thinks she’s good for Sayo. When she thinks about it she almost wants to start skipping and swinging Sayo’s hand back and forth in happiness.

And she remembers that feeling, of wondering if her bandmates thought of her as less of a friend, of worrying about being excluded. Sayo once said she felt the same way, many Fridays ago, and Tsugumi thinks about all the small ways that Sayo’s bandmates express their friendship.

And she remembers how her own friends will always support and make time for each other. How they’ll always pick up her phone calls even though she knows they prefer texting. How they’ll always check up on her and encourage her when she’s struggling at practice.

Tsugumi saves every little happy memory in her mind as another reminder of how much her friends really do care.

Together, Sayo and Tsugumi reach the station, talking about their plans for the evening. Tsugumi touches the heart sticker on the bench.

“It’s weird how it’s faded over time, don’t you think? Because my feelings haven’t faded at all.”

“That’s so cheesy,” Sayo says, trying not to laugh and failing.

Sayo takes out a small notebook from a pouch on the front of her guitar case.

“You mentioned yesterday that you wanted to try something new, so I made a list of restaurants near my apartment that you might like to try. I wrote down what kinds of foods they have, do you want to choose from these-”

Tsugumi throws her arms around Sayo.

“I’m so glad I met you. I’m so glad you’re in my life.”

“H-huh? I mean, so am I, but what brought this on?”

“It just makes me really happy to see all the ways that you care,” Tsugumi says.

And it does—Tsugumi loves how Sayo will do her best to remember even the little things that Tsugumi mentions, and how she will always take them seriously.

She loves Sayo’s smile, because of how genuine even the smallest ones are, and how Sayo can’t stop smiling when they’re together.

She loves Sayo’s honesty, because of how every insincerity or conciliatory statement she doesn’t make means that Tsugumi is even more confident in knowing when she really likes something.

Tsugumi knows that it won’t be the first and last time she will struggle with those demons of doubt and insecurity. But she knows that Sayo, in all of her quiet, consistent, earnest ways, can always drive them away.

They pull away from each other, breathing shallowly.

“Was that okay?” Tsugumi whispers, worried now that clarity has returned to her. “I really hope that was okay.”

For a moment, Sayo doesn't say anything. “It was a bit awkward. I felt like I wasn’t mentally prepared enough... and I wasn’t quite sure how to, um. Proceed.”

“Oh.”

“Could we try again?”

Tsugumi barely gets to finish nodding before Sayo is kissing her, and as her brain and heart and every other part of her body explode all over for a second time, she wonders what possible way there would be to mentally prepare for something like this.

Slowly, Sayo pulls away once more, and they stare at each other.

“I...” Tsugumi begins, trailing off when she realizes she can't actually think of anything to say. She can't think of anything but the girl standing in front of her.

“It’s pretty late,” Sayo says, eventually. “If you're okay with it, I can call my parents and ask if you can spend the night with us. That way, you don’t have to find your way home by yourself. I’m sure they’ll say yes, to thank you for accompanying me to the show.”

Tsugumi exhales. “That would be really nice. I'll ask my family too. I guess that means I’d get to see you tomorrow instead of having to wait a whole week.”

“And the day after, if you want.”

“Really?" Tsugumi says. "I'm going to hold you to that.”

“Yes, really. And the day after that,” Sayo says, taking her hand and heading towards the station.