Chapter Text
“I’m sorry-“
It only lasted a matter of moments, but in those fleeting moments Tony felt himself lose just a little more of himself- and it broke him.
He knew he cared for the kid, he knew that ever since Berlin, ever since the kid fought for everything he was worth, for him- the “genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist”, that was all he was. He wanted the kid to be better, a better person than he will ever be- and he became just that. Tony was proud- he would never admit it to Peter though, that kid would never have let it go.
But now, what was he? A memory? The ashes that he disintegrated into just to dance away from him?
Tony had grown attached to the teenager from Queens- Tony had grown attached to, yet again, be broken. It was a bad habit he submersed to so quickly. Tony couldn’t hold to anyone in this world, and he especially couldn’t hold onto the boy that vanished from his grasp so quickly.
“He did it.”
He slowly uncoiled from the ball he had wrapped himself into to glance around the planet known as Titan, noticing that he wasn’t the only one left. In one mannerism, he was relieved- he wasn’t particularly keen on being alone in this situation. The person he was never even acquainted with was not looking at him, but merely glaring at the dusty, desolate ground. She looked devastated, in remorse- he found himself studying her, the way she looked so cold and how her dark eyes burned with hatred and a distant look gleamed in them. It wasn’t until they were pouring into his did he finally see something he dreaded- a reflection of the look he bore in his own eyes. It wasn’t until then did he have the courage to look away.
He slowly uncoiled himself and stood up, sniffling slightly and feeling the familiar burn of tears linger in his eyes as tears clouded his irises. Brushing his clothes ever so slightly, he faced the person again to see her unwavering gaze still latched onto him.
Clearing his throat slightly, he uttered some sarcasm that was always his mechanism in situations, the person has probably seen him whimpering and crying over the kid, he didn’t want her to see him as weak as he actually was.
“You know, there’s this thing called blinking. It’s to- you know, make the other person less uncomfortable.”
She rolled her eyes slightly as she began to move towards some fragmented metal, “We need to get out of here.”
He found himself feeling at the remains of his suit- he knows that he wouldn’t be able to repair the suit to its former glory, there’s simply nothing there. Swallowing back some anxiety, he began to walk towards the ship that he presumed was hers,
“We can use your ship over there-“
“It’s broken.” She snapped harshly, glaring at the unfamiliar man.
He merely shrugged, “I can fix it.”
-
He found himself working on the ship, feeling weaker as more dread and anxiety clambered into his mind like parasites onto a host. He hated the silence, he hated to be alone in his thoughts- and this person wasn’t exactly talkative. Yet, that didn’t stop him from trying to talk to her.
“I don’t mean to be rude, but why exactly are you here?”
She let out a huff of annoyance before turning to him, he would never shut up. But at the same time, she was beginning to hate the deafening silence too. “Revenge- Thanos, my father-“
Tony paused with his tinkering as he shot up, feeling himself heat over the name that he’s learnt to dread and fear so much. He knew that it wasn’t her fault about what happened, but he couldn’t help but feel some resentment. Instead, he carried on and nodded- hinting at her to continue.
“as a child he would make my sister and I battle against each other in training. Every time my sister prevailed, my father would replace a piece of me with machinery- claiming he wanted to be ‘her equal’” she sneered out, as if the words were venom in her mouth. “But she won- again and again and again, never once refraining. So, I planned to murder my sister but- she wasn’t the one who caused any of this. It was my father who did what he did to me- and I wanted to kill him. Slowly, piece by piece-“ she stopped as she felt herself spiral down the dark tunnel.
Tony simply stared at her with sympathy, “Sounds like real daddy issues, huh?” he joked slightly in a failed attempt to lighten the mood. She simply spared a blank glance as she sat down across from where he was repairing some foundations for the ship.
“Your sister, she around still?” he asked as he continued to tinker with the ship’s mechanics. He didn’t notice the way the girl tensed at his words and the gleam in her eyes that wasn’t there a moment ago. It wasn’t until the silence answered for itself did he look up to see something he didn’t want to see, himself. She was mourning, and it didn’t take long to put the pieces together. It was Gamora, the girl Quill went crazy about- one of the reasons that caused a butterfly effect that cost him everything. She was the one who put the pieces together- if only she didn’t. Then maybe-
“What about you?” she found herself asking.
He felt himself pause, yet he still answered, “I found myself in New York, fighting against ‘Thanos’ children’ and going to space on an alien spaceship over a guy who wouldn’t discard a necklace.”
“And the child?”
He felt tears sting to his eyes, yet he refused to let them fall as he let out a strangled, “Hm?”
“The child you mourn for. Is he your own?”
“N-No, he- um. I mentored him, he- he always wanted to be an avenger… I, uh, told him to go home but he didn’t listen. H-He never listens.” He eventually got out.
She found herself nodding until asking, “Avenger?”
Laughing humourlessly, “It was a name we used to give ourselves. A group of remarkable people to come together when the world needed us to. ‘Earths Mightiest Heroes’, fighting the battles they couldn’t.”
“Used to?”
“Yeah, we disassembled a while back. I can only imagine that we’re scattered. ‘Earths Mightiest Heroes’. What a fucking joke that was.” He scowled.
“Well, I must say- you didn’t do a particularly good job at saving the universe.” She sniggered slightly.
He felt himself feel a wave of cold over him as everything sunk in again, half the universe was gone. He wondered who remained- was Bruce okay? Was Pepper- oh god. If anything had happened he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself. And Steve. The god-damn super solider that had left all that time ago, he wondered whether he was just ash embedded into the dirt or whether he still lived in the remains of whatever was left. As much as Tony refused to admit it, he wanted him to be okay. As much as hatred consumed him, he could never hate the man his father would praise so highly, not anymore.
But he could try.
“Yeah- I guess this was a battle that even we couldn’t fight.” He simply uttered, ignoring the unwavering gaze that remained on his skin.
The silence remained until Tony felt somewhat calm again. “I never caught your name?”
“Nebula.”
“Tony Stark, a pleasure.”
With the silence that followed, he spent numerous hours of desperate attempts to repair the ship that kept him sane at the moment- it wasn’t until the burning glow of the sun dimmed over the horizon did Nebula decide to disturb him to insist that he called it a day and begin again in morning. She too was desperate to leave the planet- it brought back way too many bad memories. But she knew that he couldn’t work on the ship through darkness and exhaustion.
So, slumping down in the leather-furnished pilot and co-pilot seat, the two found themselves squeezing their eyes shut in a desperate attempt to entice a dream-less night to take themselves away from the nightmare that was their reality.
But one of them couldn’t have that luxury.
The first night after the snap was the worst- even Tony knew that his night terrors couldn’t suppress the nightmare that had happened when he was awake. He struggled to sleep- however the assassin seemed to easily welcome it. He guessed that she’d been through worse. The leather from the seat wasn’t exactly uncomfortable, but as much as he tried- he just couldn’t. Because behind his eyes was always the boy, the boy he didn’t save.
So, he left the- somewhat comfort of the ship to sit outside. He sat on the end of the ship, his legs dangling down the side and his feet barely a foot from the surface of Titan. Tony found himself wondering what he would be doing right now if he was back on earth, if alcohol was around, he imagined that he would have been drowning in the familiar liquor. He craved it almost, he wanted to engrave himself within it so he couldn’t tell where he was or what he lost- but even that poison couldn’t make him forget what happened. He wished that there was some form of it around- it would be a desperate attempt to numb the pain. He was so desperate- but Tony Stark knew that no matter how much he could consume, it would never be enough. He hated facing reality- he had failed. And it hurt like hell.
“Mr Stark, are you crying?”
He froze and snapped his neck towards the direction of the voice. There he was- standing in the iron spider suit that he had created, looking towards the man with tears coating his withering face with a confused expression lingering on his features.
“Peter?”