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It was a long time ago when he first heard them. The memories of that day were vague and distant, but he remembers being barely a teenager and getting lost in the woods with Carver. His younger brother – so small back then – had hurt himself falling down a cliff. He tried shouting for help, but they were all alone. Carver was crying, scared and clinging to his older brother’s neck; blood and dirt smudging his face, hands and knees. Garrett was supposed to protect him, he was the older one, the responsible one and yet, he let this happen.
He tried to carry him all the way back home, but at that age he was more bone than muscle. He begged the Maker for help, begged for the strength to take his little brother out of those woods, to fix his wounds; he begged for the wild animals to stay far away. When exhaustion finally became too much for his weak legs, he dropped to his knees with Carver still in his arms. He saw light and he was answered.
***
All day Fenris had been silent, tense, distant. Not only that, something was off with him physically. More than a few times, Hawke caught glimpses of the elf twitching, holding his breath, fingers closed into a fist. When the mage asked what it was he was feeling, Fenris only told him not to worry. But of course he worried and that’s why he decided to pay him a visit late that evening. He let himself in, like many times before, but to his surprise and concern, the place was nothing but darkness.
“Fenris?”, he called quietly, to no response. He searched almost blindly for the lamp by the doorway and used magic to light it. There was no sign of anyone in the house, but something was telling him not to leave. With one more hand gesture, all the torches in the walls lit up as he made his way up the stairs towards the bedroom.
The door was shut, but there was light coming from the small space between the door and the floor. He raised his hand ready to knock, but before he could, Fenris’ weak voice came from the inside: “Go away Hawke!”
Something was definitely wrong; he could tell by the strain in his voice that Fenris was making a huge effort to even speak. A sharp pain grew in his insides as fear crawled into his mind. Ignoring the request, Hawke opened the door with a loud noise, eyes dashing across the room in search for the elf.
Fenris was sitting on the floor next to his bed, holding his own knees. Head down and face hidden by all the white hair. The blue glow of the lyrium came in waves that made him flinch eachtime.
“Fenris, what’s wrong?”, Hawke tried to keep his voice as calm as his nerves allowed. As he stepped closer he saw the way the elf was shaking, his nails digging deep into the flesh of his own arms, drawing blood.
“Leave! There’s nothing you can do!”, he ordered through clenched teeth and all Hawke heard was the pain in his words.
“If you’re hurt I can-“
“Heal me? I am not injured!”
The mage’s mind rushed to remember every spell he had ever learned - all of them useless. He kneeled in front of Fenris, trying to find any way to comfort him. Fenris never looked as frail as he did then, back pressed against the cold wall, heavy breathes and whimpers of pain. All Garrett wanted to do was to hold him and make him feel better. But there was nothing he could do. He couldn’t protect his father, his sister, his brother and now he couldn’t protect Fenris either…
The distant memory of that day in the woods came flashing back… That day he heard the spirits of the Fade answer his prayers, giving him the power to heal Carver and himself so they could get home safe. But that power was too little… Still, he closed his eyes and focused, opening his mind to the Fade and gathering energy in his hands. He prayed and all sound disappeared.
***
He heard the familiar voices… No, those weren’t really voices, but sound waves resonating all around. Echos taking shape of words.
We hear
your plead
what Is it That You seek?
“I want him to stop hurting… I’m not strong enough. If this magic I have can only destroy, I’d rather not have it!”
The air became warmer and a tingling sensation started from his fingertips, travelling across his arms and chest towards his heart.
“If there is any way for me to heal his pain, then please…”
Not Many would chose
Restoration over ruin
But we hear Your Heart’s desire
Allow us
To share
Our Blessings
***
A pleasant fire lit inside his chest, calming him and enhancing his focus. It grew and spread to the rest of his body, until the warmth and him became as one. Sound came back to his ears, bringing his senses back to reality. When he opened his eyes, his vision was blurred by white light. He could see Fenris’ silhouette and he too was surrounded by the light. As his vision returned, he noticed Fenris starting to relax, his eyes staring at his own body and then at Hawke in awe and confusion.
After the magic was finally done, Hawke let his whole body drop completely to the ground, asking in breathless relief “Did it work?”
It took him a moment to react, but eventually Fenris stretched his back against the wall, checking his arms and neck. “The pain is gone if that’s what you are referring to.”
When he sat back up, Hawke moved to sit next to him, leaning his head against the wall. The cloth of his shirt brushing against Fenris' naked arm. “This happens often?”
“It never felt this intense before.”
“You could have told me earlier, before it got this bad.”
“I didn’t want to add to your problems. I know you have too many already.” A tired smile crossed his lips before he continued to speak. “I do not fully understand these powers myself. Neither did Danarius. These markings he put on me were nothing but an experiment... He was as surprised by my abilities as I was when I first discovered them.” He looked down at his hands, closing them in a fist. “The lyrium gives my body unusual resistance, but I feel pain like any other. And the more powerful I become, the more it demands of my body.”
“We do get dragged into a lot of trouble, huh?”, the mage joked with a shy smile as he bumped his own shoulder against the elf’s.
“Mostly you.” Fenris said in a voice so sweet, it made Garrett blush. He smiled and his eyes lingered on Hawke when the mage laughed.
The way those piercing green eyes made him feel… He wanted that forever. Just seeing Fenris smile again felt like a blessing itself and Hawke mentally thanked the spirits for their help. "Well, I'm here now, and I won't let you hurt any longer"