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Jaebum was ten years old when he first met Park Jinyoung. For as long as he could remember, his entire life probably, his mother always had a best friend, so close that he would always call her Auntie, even though she wasn't really his Aunt. His Auntie had always wanted to have kids, but she couldn't, and Jaebum never really understood why, or how the science of it all worked. All he knew was that she just couldn't, and that made her sad, so often enough she would focus her attention on Jaebum (who was also the only child) and spoil him. But then, his Auntie had found a way to have kids, by adopting them.

Jaebum didn't really know much about that either.

All he could gather about it is that those kids were in this system of sorts because they can't be with their real parents, either because they were dead or because they were deemed too unfit. So because of that, they went into this system to find new parents. He didn't really mind that his Auntie was going to be getting a child, in fact, he was more than excited. Jaebum was now going to have the chance to not only be the caring older brother that he never could be (since they let it slip that Jaebum was older), but he was going to have a new friend, because his parents had made sure that they were not going to have any more kids.

It was a long process, but Jaebum could never forget the day that it was official, and how his Auntie cried with joy, which all lead to this: his Auntie coming over, with Park Jinyoung, so that they could all meet. While waiting, he was practically jumping with joy, but his mother made sure to hold his arm gently and lean down in front of him, "Jaebum, I want you to know that the world isn't always a good place. Bad things happen to people, and sometimes those things can really hurt a person." The mini speech really didn't make much sense, of course he knew that, he wasn't a dumb child anymore, didn't his mother know about that? "People are different, and that's okay. Don't judge Jinyoung, alright?"

At first, Jaebum didn't get it. He didn't really end up getting it until about fifteen minutes after meeting Jinyoung. Jinyoung was shorter than him by several inches, and he was skinnier too. Throughout the most part of the introductions he had been hiding behind Auntie's legs, clinging onto her for dear life. He had big ears, a pouty mouth, and chubby cheeks that made Jaebum want to squeeze them like how his Auntie and mother used to (and sometimes still will) do to him.

Him, his mother, and his Auntie all talked, there was the introductions, and all Jinyoung did was give a small wave, as he still hid behind her legs. It was soon after that, that Jaebum had finally realized what his mother had been talking about, and why she had given him that speech beforehand, about why Jinyoung was different. He was mute, or well, selectively mute as they called it. Selectively mute meaning that he chose not to talk, and that he wasn't always 'like this'. That there had been a time where he could talk, but not anymore. And all Jaebum got as to why was that the would wasn't always a good place, and bad things happen to people. Jaebum was curious, and he wanted to know what had happened to make Jinyoung chose to be silent, but the greater part of him didn't want to know.

But Jaebum also didn't mind that Jinyoung didn't speak, he understood why. When his mother suggested that he take Jinyoung up to his room, he only smiled wide and nodded in excitement as he grabbed Jinyoung's left hand and dragged him up to his bed room ready to show it off. He is very proud about it after all. Now that his age was in the double digits, he had recently decided to change his room to make it seem much more mature.

The walls of his room were still blue, they always has been for as long as he could remember, and gone were most of his toys besides a select few that he couldn't bear with parting. "So this is my room," he pointed out the space and fell back onto his bed.

He had been expecting Jinyoung to follow him, but he didn't, so Jaebum strained his neck to see that Jinyoung was still standing near the door, hardly even in his room, as he fiddled with his hands, his head still lowered down, as he peeked at the room through his eyelashes. "You can come in," Jaebum pointed out.

Jinyoung looked up and made eye contact with him, and did end up taking a few tentative steps in, but still seemed shy about it all. That was, until his eyes landed on the desk right next to Jaebum's bed, and to the book that was sitting there. It was a book of poetry- Shel Silverstein to be exact. Eyes focused on that now, he walked over and looked at the book, letting his hand run down the cover, and the spine as he inspected it. After several seconds, he turned to look at Jaebum again, and he could only assume that he wanted permission to look at it, so Jaebum nodded in response.

Jinyoung picked up the book, and began to read the poems, so Jaebum had been right. At some point, with the book still in his grasp, he was sitting on the edge of Jaebum's bed as he read the pages, and Jaebum laid there and watched him read. "You can keep that book, think of it as a welcome present."

Turning towards him, Jinyoung gave him a giant goofy grin, the corners of his eyes scrunched. There was no doubt in Jaebum's mind that they were going to end up being the best of friends.

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Jaebum was lying on the floor on his belly, head in his hands as he looked up at Jinyoung who was sitting on his bed fiddling with a toy. It was a stuffed animal, a zebra to be exactly, and he kept looking at it with a frown. He had gotten the zebra just hours ago, he won it at the little arcade inside of the store that they all went to. Jaebum knew that he had been trying to think of a name for his new toy, because he learned that Jinyoung took the act very seriously.

"How about Harvey?" Jaebum suggested as he rolled onto his back.

There was no response, not that Jaebum was expecting there to be one, but there was no grunt or piece of paper being passed to him. Rolling back around, he looked up at Jinyoung to see if he had missed him shaking his head in response. Jinyoung was sitting there, the toy zebra dropping to the floor, his eyes focused out in an almost distant like trance as his hand started shaking.

"Jinyoung?" he frowned in concern as he pushed himself up onto his hands, watching as Jinyoung's chest started to fall up and down in an erratic and fast pace. "Jinyoungie?" By the time he got in front of Jinyoung, hand reaching out to touch his shoulder. Finally, Jinyoung came around because he outright flinched and began crying. "Calm down please," Jaebum began to panic, not knowing what to do. "It's okay," he promised. "I'm going to go get Auntie."

Pushing back off of the bed, Jaebum practically ran out of Jinyoung's bedroom, and down the stairs until he was skidding into the kitchen.

"Jaebum don't do that," his Auntie spoke as she clutched her chest and placed down the knife she was holding. "You scared me."

"It's Jinyoung, I-I don't know what's going on. I told him to name his zebra Harvey and then he started to shake and cry."

"Shit," she cursed, and it was the first time that Jaebum had ever heard her swear. Throwing down the cloth she was holding she rushed out of the room.

Jaebum's first reaction was to follow her, to see what was going on with Jinyoung, but his mom grabbed his arm gently. "Mom!" he protested as he tried to pull away. "I need to see how Jinyoungie is. I can't just leave him crying like that."

"It's fine sweetie," she smiled. "But you need to let Auntie handle it okay? Here come sit with me," she grabbed his hand to lead him to the couch. "And I'll explain to you."

Reluctantly, Jaebum agreed, "Okay."

Once they were situated on the couch, his mom started speaking again, "What Jinyoung is having is called a panic attack."

"A... panic attack?" Jaebum repeated as he cocked his head to the side. "He was panicking? Why?"

For a second, his mom hesitated, before finally speaking again. "Panic attacks are when something triggers you, and it makes you panic. It can do all sorts of things, like making you shake, makes your vision messed up, and it can make you cry." she paused again, as if she was choosing her words carefully. "Something triggered Jinyoung into having one."

Nodding along to her words as he took in the new information he looked down at his knees and picked at the fabric of his worn out jeans. "Mommy, did I trigger him?"

"Oh no sweetie," she cooed. "It wasn't your fault, and it wasn't his either."

"Will Jinyoungie be okay?"

"Of course he will be," she smiled reassuringly as she petted his hair out of his face. "He's dealt with them before, and it's something he will probably always have to deal with."

Jaebum let his mom pull him into a side hug as he stared outside the window that was across from them. All of this was new information, but it made sense, and it made him feel bad, it made him feel bad for Jinyoung. The fact that Jinyoung had to deal with all of this, that he was hurting like this, that he may always hurt like this. "How do you help him?" he sat up a bit more, before relaxing again. "If it's going to happen to him, and if I'm his best friend, shouldn't I know how to help him with it? Auntie isn't always going to be there."

With wide eyes, she nodded her head, mentally applauded how mature her Jaebum was. "You're absolutely right. I think first and foremost is to never touch him without his permission. Always speaking quietly and softly, don't yell, that could make things worse. Ask him some easy questions, like how many fingers you're holding up. I'm sorry, your Auntie would be better to ask, maybe you can get better advice from her when she comes back down."

Twenty minutes later, his Auntie did come back, by herself. She apologized to Jaebum and told him that Jinyoung was taking a quick nap before dinner. He was still worried, but since she reassured him that Jinyoung was alright, he decided that he could help them cook dinner.

All throughout preparing the meal, Jaebum kept asking her question after question, all in hopes of being able to get more information so that he could be more prepared to be a better friend for Jinyoung, and she answered each and every single one of the questions he asked. By the time that the food was all put in the oven, he felt like he had learned a significant amount of information to make him a better friend.

"Can you go wake Jinyoung up and tell him that dinners done?"

Before she could even finish her sentence, Jaebum was heading back up the stairs to head to his room. Knocking on the door as warning, Jaebum walked in, noticing that the curtain was drawn. On his bed, Jinyoung was curled up into a ball, the blanket wrapped around him, almost like a little burrito, and Jaebum also noticed that the zebra was nowhere in sight.

"Jinyoungie," he called softly as he padded closer to his bed. "Wake up," he whispered louder, singing the words. "Rise and shine cutie."

At that, Jinyoung's eyes blinked awake, and Jaebum couldn't fight off the smile that spread across his face at seeing Jinyoung tired, and wrapped up in blankets.

"Good morning star shine, the earth says hello. Dinners done, I helped make it, so that means you have to eat it."

Yawning, Jinyoung got up stretching as he pushed the blanket off of him. After hopping off of the bed, he cocked his head to the side as he frowned at Jaebum, the realization and embarrassment of what happened earlier finally hitting him.

But if Jaebum thought of him any differently, he didn't say anything. He just offered his hand out to Jinyoung and lead him down stairs, talking about the process it took to make the dinner. Before he knew it, he was smiling at Jaebum's back wondering what he did to deserve a friend like him.

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One of the benefits of living where Jaebum did was the fact that he lived right by the park, and another bonus of growing up and being in the fifth grade, was that his mother was now trusting him to go to the park without her. But now, Jaebum had somebody to go with him, he could take Jinyoung with him.

Going to the park with Jinyoung was always fun, Jaebum would push Jinyoung on the merry-go-round and in return Jinyoung would push him on the swings.

Jaebum was trying to get across the monkey bars when he saw it. Jinyoung was by the slide, hands shaking and he was crying, the one kid and mother by him telling him to stop being such a crybaby.

Letting go and dropping down from the monkey bars, Jaebum booked it over to Jinyoung. "Hey," he made sure to speak quietly, remembering his mother and his Auntie's words. "Do you want a hug?"

Jinyoung shook his head in response, so Jaebum kept talking, "Come on, let's get over to the trees."

Despite not wanting to be hugged, Jinyoung held his hand out to Jaebum and let Jaebum walk him over to the trees. They sat down in the shade, slightly away from the rest of the people, and Jaebum sat directly in front of Jinyoung. He racked his brain for what they told him to do, and remembered that they said breathing exercises help. "Jinyoungie, can you breathe with my counts? In one, two, three, four. Out, one, two, three, four."

The two of them continued on like that, until Jinyoung wasn't crying anymore and he wasn't shaking. After a few, Jaebum stopped talking, positive that Jinyoung was coming around, and he didn't want to over crowd him. After a few more minutes of Jinyoung breathing and rubbing at his face, both his eyes and his nose, he opened his arms and made grabbing hands.

Smiling, Jaebum wrapped Jinyoung up in a hug. "Wanna get going home? We should go get lunch anyways."

Knowing that Jinyoung was prone to either eating a ton, or taking at least a twenty minute nap after his attacks, Jinyoung nodded eagerly and followed Jaebum back to his house.

Once they got back to Jaebum's house, and were sitting at his kitchen table eating their lunch together, Jaebum looked down to the napkin that was being pushed his way. On it, written in messy writing (since writing on napkins was very hard, he knew this) was:

Thank you.

And if Jaebum made sure to carefully fold the note and put it into his pocket, Jinyoung pretended not to notice.

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Subs were equally the best and the worst thing to happen to a classroom. If you got a laid back sub, it was a blast, but if you got a sub that though this was the military, it was surely going to be a long period.

It seemed like it was going to be an okay period, albeit a boring one. They were handed a practice sheet to do, since the sub couldn't teach the math class, and were told to keep quiet and do their work. Usually they would be able to change seats, but the sub wouldn't let them, which once again, not cool, but not the end of the world.

Jinyoung wouldn't lie, math was probably his worst subject. He passed all of his other classes with A's, but somehow if he managed to get a B in maths, it was a miracle. And it didn't take him long to get stumped. Usually, at that point, it is when he would turn to Jaebum or go up to to teacher, but since neither of those would work today...

Out of his notebook, he ripped out a piece of paper and began writing his note,

Hey Jaebum, do you know what I'm doing wrong on number twelve?

and underneath he added his work.

Making sure to fold it up nice, and write Jaebum's name on it again, he tapped the shoulder of the person in front of him, Taehyung, and pointed over to Jaebum. Taehyung gave him a smile and passed the note along, pointing to Jaebum again, and the process repeated, student to student until it got to Jaebum.

Just as Jaebum was about to open up the note, the piece of paper was snatched by his hand. "Passing notes?" she questioned as she opened the paper to look at what the note contained. "Who wrote it?"

Glancing around, Jinyoung sank back into his seat as he rose his hand, gaining the subs attention.

She gave him a look before looking back down at the paper, "No talking includes notes. And shouldn't you know how to do this? If you have a question, you should have just asked, I told the class when I handed out the sheets that the answer guide is right up here for you all to check."

"Leave him alone," Jaebum snapped as he looked at her dead in the eyes.

"And you," she turned her attention over to Jaebum. "Shouldn't you know better than to be passing notes? You guys aren't elementary kids anymore."

"He's mute, so stop making him feel bad about it. Stop picking on students."

At that, the sub went straight, getting a sour look across her face. "I will not accept back talk, or students not listening to what I say. Out of class, both of you."

Without hesitating, Jaebum get's out of seat, his chair making a screeching sound, but on the other hand Jinyoung got up much more cautiously. Grumbling underneath his breathe the entire time, Jaebum grabbed Jinyoung's hand and pulled him out of the classroom and down the hallway towards the office.

Jinyoung would never get why Jaebum would get himself in trouble just for the sake of defending Jinyoung. It wasn't as if he wasn't grateful for it, he just didn't get it. Was it worth it? Was going to the office and probably getting written up and getting a detention worth yelling at a sub on his behalf? The entire way, Jaebum had been ranting about it as well, getting so worked up about all of it, when it didn't even bother Jinyoung anymore. There was days it would suck, majorly, but sometimes he was used to people's ignorance.

When he stopped in his tracks, it made Jaebum stop and turn around to look at him. Using his free hand, he used one of the simple phrases he had learned at therapy, the sign for 'thank you.'

The recognization flashed across Jaebum's face and he squeezed Jinyoung's hand, "Always. I'm never gonna let anyone say mean things to you, no matter who they are." 

All Jinyoung could do was smile.

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Group work was something that Jinyoung didn't loathe, unlike every other student. Maybe it was because he knew that he would always have Jaebum guaranteed with him in a group, or maybe he just didn't hate people as much. Either way, when in their science class they were told that they were going to be doing their first project, Jinyoung was excited.

He was even more excited once he found out the other member of his group, Choi Youngjae.

Luckily enough, the group all clicked together, which Jinyoung was more than thankful for.

They had all decided to do their presentation on why Willow Trees were considered weeds, and all decided to meet up at Jaebum's house to work on the project that weekend.

By the time the weekend came, the boys spent the day working on the assignment, getting a progress done.

Little did they know that they were all going to stay friends after this project.

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Getting gifts for Jinyoung had always been one of the easiest and yet one of the hardest things that Jaebum has had to deal with while being Jinyoung's friend. It was easy, because he knew everything that Jinyoung liked, what he wanted, so picking out gifts was easy enough. But there was always something in Jaebum that just wanted to give Jinyoung more, he wanted to give him the world.

Obviously he couldn't, so he settled for other things Jinyoung liked, such as books, and movies, and pretty antiques Jaebum see's when he goes and spends time with his grandparents.

This year, he had gotten Jinyoung a beautiful crystal necklace he had found on one of his trips, knowing that Jinyoung would love it.

Despite having had made friends, Jinyoung still wasn't a fan of having a big birthday party, or really a celebration at all. What they had all begun to do is just spend the day (or afternoon and night) and his house, watching movies, playing games, and then always going out to eat.

They were sitting in Jinyoung's room, waiting for their mother's to get ready. They were suppose to be getting ready too, but for them it was changing clothes and then they were ready to go.

Jinyoung was standing at his mirror and Jaebum clutched the necklace that was in his pocket. Biting down on his lip, and finally getting the courage, he stood up and walked over behind Jinyoung.

Jaebum didn't notice the slight flinch as Jinyoung's eyes meat his through the mirror. Doing his best to give a reassuring smile, he pulled the necklace out. "Happy birthday Jinyoungie." He moved forward to get the necklace around his throat, and closed it for him, making sure to keep it at the level of tightness Jinyoung prefers.

Looking down at the necklace, Jinyoung tentatively grabs it to examine it, a smile on his face as he looks back up to Jaebum.

"You look good," Jaebum states as he looks at Jinyoung.

At that, Jinyoung turned around to wrap his arms around Jaebum and pull him into a hug.

Later that night, after dinner, and after their  bellies were stuffed, they lied next to each other in Jinyoung's bed. He had thought that Jinyoung had already fallen asleep and Jaebum spoke anyways, his hand going to grab Jinyoung's, "I hope you had a good birthday. I love you." 

The hand in his palm moved to interlace their hands together and squeezed. Jaebum didn't need paper, a hand movement, or even words to understand the message.

I love you too.

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Nervously, Jinyoung held the package in his hand as paced in front of Jaebum's locker. He just wanted to open his locker, put the gift in there, and leave it like that, but there was something stopping him. The fear of doing it.

But he didn't want to chicken out again, he had already did that twice before.

Ever since Jaebum had told him that he loved him, Jinyoung's wanted to return it the best way he could. Which would be writing it out. He had wrote it what had seemed like a thousand times already, but they always stayed in his pocket, or ended up in the trash. First, he was aiming for Christmas, but then he got too scared to. And then there was Jaebum's birthday, but Jinyoung didn't do it then.

So he wanted to do it for Valentine's Day.

Looking down at the themed red paper, he walked forward, opening the door of Jaebum's locker (they had both shared their combs to each other even though they technically weren't suppose to).

Before he could think about it too much, Jinyoung slammed the locker close and walked away before he could change his mind again.

Later that day, he waited outside for Jaebum to meet him so that they could walk home. He was nervous as he fittled with his hands.

When he spotted Jaebum coming out of the doors, he noticed the open box that was in his hands. Jinyoung didn't get him anything too crazy, just some sea salt caramel chocolate, and then he wrote a note wishing him a happy valentine's day and that he loves him.

Jaebum approached him, and then the grin broke out on his face, "Come on. We got some chocolate to eat before we get home and my mom finds out we ate it without eating anything healthy with it."

Nodding and grabbing his hand, Jinyoung got up and walked with him eternally laughing at himself for ever being nervous.

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They were spending the day at Jaebum's house, all hanging out. It had been summer, and the group of friends (minus Jaebum and Jinyoung) haven't seen each other since school ended. For awhile, they played games, but then they all sat around watching t.v. and Youngjae picked to watch a crime show, specifically Law and Order: Special Victims Unit.

Things were fine, until they weren't anymore.

It hit too close to home, the episode. And it made Jinyoung's hands clench, and sweat.

From the other side of the couch, Jaebum was sitting next to Mark watching the show. Looking away from the screen, he looked over to Jinyoung (something he admittedly did often). He noticed the way that Jinyoung's hands were clenched, and his posture in general, he recognized it. Sometimes that's how he would look before he had an attack (something that neither Youngjae or Mark had yet witnessed.)

"Do you guys want something to eat? Jaebum suddenly asked, turning to look at Mark and Youngjae.

Mark nodded, while Youngjae answered with a, "That would be great hyung!"

Turning his head to Jinyoung again, he inclined his head to point towards the kitchen, "Come on and help me Jinyoungie."

Without any hesitation, Jinyoung got up and followed Jaebum to the kitchen. Once in the kitchen, they grabbed popcorn, and Jinyoung grabbed some fruit  snacks. Standing there, Jinyoung looked at Jaebum who was watching the popcorn in the microwave, and he had to fight back a smile. He knew what was going on right now, Jaebum had noticed. And he took care of it, in the way that Jaebum always did. He helped him, without making a big deal. Jaebum never treated him like he was fragile glass like some other people, yet he somehow also always seemed to know Jinyoung's limits.

Jaebum turned around from looking at the popcorn to meet Jinyoung's eyes, and Jinyoung finally let himself smile.

What would he ever do without Im Jaebum in his life?

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It was 8th grade the first time that anyone ever confessed to Jinyoung.

He had been sitting at lunch, with Jaebum, Mark, and Youngjae, when a girl a year younger them walked up to Jinyoung, timidly. She approached the table and quietly called, "Excuse me?" which had gained the entire tables attention.

Jaebum was looking at her, his arms crossed over his chest, and an eyebrow raised, which was almost enough to make her back out. But Jinyoung was looking up at her with a warm smile, and she had found the courage again.

"I'm Kim Seohyun and I was wondering if you'd like to hang out some time?"

It was quiet.

Mark and Youngjae stuck to themselves, digging into their food as if the situation wasn't happening, while Seohyun stood there, nervously fidgeting with her hands. Jaebum was still there, eyebrows raised and glaring at her, while Jinyoung just sat there shocked.

He didn't know what to tell her.

It was something he was struggling with for awhile now, that he had been questioning. But at the same time he didn't want to disappoint her, she seemed to nervous and had to be brave for following through with it.

Sighing he grabbed a piece of paper and wrote down a note, explaining that he wasn't interested in dating right now, because that was all he could think of off the top of his head. He had thought that would be the end of it.

Of course, it wasn't.

Over a week later, they were laying on Jaebum's bed, Jinyoung a book in hand, when Jaebum turned to him. "Jinyoung? Why did you turn that girl down? Seohyun? She was pretty."

Closing the book, Jinyoung looked at Jaebum for a few seconds, contemplating if he was ready to tell him. But then he realized, this is Im Jaebum he is thinking about, his best friend. Grabbing a piece of paper he wrote down those three words

I like boys

Jaebum read the piece of paper once, twice, and then a third time before looking at Jinyoung. Finally he settled with saying, "Yeah, fair enough. That's a pretty valid for turning her down." The words I think I do too stuck in his throat.

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It was his first year in high school when Jinyoung met him. He had been walking through the hallway, when out of a nowhere a blonde kid walked up to him. "Hi, I'm Jackson Wang, I just moved here. Do you know how to get to D-105?"

Jinyoung nodded, his locker was in the D hall. He pointed down the hallway to right right, and then gestured to the hallway stemming off of it.

"Thanks! Uh..what's your name?"

Reaching into his pocket, Jinyoung grabbed his school idea and showed it to Jackson.

Squinting to read it, Jackson leaned in, "Park... Jinyoung. Jinyoung? Thanks for showing me the way, I hope you have a great day!"

It was about ten minutes later when Jinyoung was sitting in his next class that he realized something. Jackson never questioned why he wasn't talking.

At lunch, Jinyoung was once again sat down with Mark, Youngjae, and Jaebum. But about five minutes into lunch, he heard a loud voice shouting, "Hey Jinyoung!" Turning his head, he noticed the blonde jogging over with a food tray in his hand. Once Jackson reached the edge of the table he asked, "Mind if I sit with you?"

At Jinyoung's nod, Jackson's smile grew as he sat down at the table.

And it became a daily thing.

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Jaebum wished he was more observant.

He was leaning on his free hand, a pencil in the other as he scribbled doodles on a scrap piece of paper. This lesson was a hard one to listen to, it wasn't as if he didn't care about what Mr. Han was saying. He didn't notice the way that Jinyoung was so tense next to him.

Mr. Han then began to give a lecture on consent, and Jaebum was only finally pulled out of his thoughts by Jinyoung getting up and walking out of the class. Frowning, Mr. Han paused his speech and watched Jinyoung walk out, and only sighed and kept going, talking over the several other students that were snickering and whispering to one another.

Leaning back, Jaebum look at the empty seat next to him. Should he go after Jinyoung? He had known the boy long enough to know that he was upset, and also knew that sometimes Jinyoung hated being crowded when he was upset. So Jaebum sat there, tuning out the rest of the lecture, as he stared at Jinyoung's seat, occasionally looking at the clock on the wall, willing for the time to quickly pass.

The second the bell rung, Jaebum was the first on out of the door as he made his way into the flooded hallway. With a frown, he walked into every bathroom in search for Jinyoung. Just when he was about to lose hope, he saw the familiar pants behind the last closed stall.

"Jinyoungie?" he called as he lightly tapped on the door to see that it was open. He nudged it open, and closed it behind him as he took in the sight of Jinyoung in front of him. Jinyoung was gripping the side railing of the stall, eyes screwed shut tight, his body shaking as he let out a sob and hung his head. "Do you want a hug?"

He let out a breathe as he saw Jinyoung shake his head. Whenever Jinyoung was crying and in this state, Jaebum learned to always ask him if he wanted a hug before touching him. Sometimes when he gets in this state, he hates being touched and will flinch away or it will make him cry harder, though other times before Jaebum could even ask Jinyoung would be falling into his arms. "You're okay Jinyoungie, just breathe. I'm here, you're alright. Only 45 minutes left of school and then I can take you home alright? We can go to your house and watch a movie and I'll make hot chocolate and popcorn."

For several seconds Jaebum stayed quiet as he just watched Jinyoung shake as he tried to breathe, and let his mind begin to think. Often when Jinyoung would get in this state, it would be at random times, or more often than not, at night. He knew that these episode were like panic/anxiety attacks, he's had them ever since Jaebum had met them, and maybe even longer. He wondered what triggered it, there was almost always a reason as to why they started. In class they were talking about consent, daterape drugs, and what to do. Just like that it was almost like his mind froze. "the world isn't always a good place. Bad things happen to people, and sometimes those things can really hurt a person."  his mothers words rang through his mind from over four years ago. Something horrible happened to make Jinyoung be selectively mute. Trauma.

"Jinyoung," he called out. His tone was shocking enough, that Jinyoung head lifted up and their eyes met. "What Mr. Han was talking about, is...is that what happened?"

He didn't have to specify what he was talking about, they both knew exactly what he meant. He watched as Jinyoung's face turned even redder, and he flinched, fresh tears rolling down his face as he nodded.

It was like everything stopped for Jaebum. It was like his heart sank deep into his stomach, as a deep ache crawled across his chest, embracing him, a sickness choking him. His emotions running wild at the final realization that this is why Jinyoung is how he is, and his mom had known, and that is why she told him that five years ago.

This was why Jinyoung would cry, why he would have these attacks, why he wouldn't want to be touched, because he was raped. He was raped when he was at least 10 years old, if not younger. He was just a kid.

And god- nothing could prepare him for knowing that, no lectures from teachers, or crime television shows to know that such a thing had happened to his best friend. The hurt ran deep through his bones, as the anger seered back through that someone had hurt him so bad, had done this to him, and the sickness clawed at his through, his eyes burning as he shed his own tears.

There was many things Jaebum wanted to do at this moment.

He wanted to tear the person's head off, whatever sentence they got form jail would never be enough. He wanted to cry, he wanted to hold Jinyoung close to his chest and cradle him. But he knew that Jinyoung didn't want to be touched. So he only breathed out as he began to talk to him, "I hope you know that this doesn't change anything Jinyoungie, I don't think of you any differently. You're still my best friend and I love you very much. You're so strong, you know that?"

And when Jaebum skipped his sixth hour, he didn't mind knowing he would get lectured about it later. This was more important.

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Dear Jaebummie,

My therapist said something that has really resonated with me, and has stuck in my mind. She said that she believes one of the reasons that I have gotten so better, compared to how I was like when I was younger, is because of you. And I can't really disagree with that. I think so too.

Growing up, I never really had a friend, but now I have you. And you're the best friend that I could have ever asked or hoped for. You're always there for me, you don't judge me, you're patient.

I don't really know why I'm writing this, I guess just to express to you my gratitude, my appreciation for having you in my life. So thank you Jaebum, I love you.

Love,

Jinyoungie.

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After school that day, Jaebum waited outside of the school, sitting by the flower bed, waiting for Jinyoung to come out. Jinyoung had therapy that day, and both of their moms had to work, and since they both were working, so Jaebum had offered to walk Jinyoung since he knew that Jinyoung didn't like to walk by himself.

When Jinyoung came out, Jaebum smiled and they started to walk down town to the therapy office. The entire time they spent Jaebum was talking about the lesson they learned to day in his history class while Jinyoung nodded along.

Jaebum waited with him inside waiting for his appointment start, and when his therapist came out to get him, he smiled and waved at her as she took Jinyoung back.

When Jinyoung got back out, they were walking again, this time to his house. "How was therapy?"

Jinyoung nodded, meaning that it was a good day. Some days in therapy could go bad, when they went into more of what happened to him. But Jaebum was glad to see that it was one of the easier days.

He wished every day for Jinyoung could be an easy day.

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Lately there's been a thing, some thoughts and feelings he has been wanting to avoid, but as his therapist has said, that's not a good way to cope with things. But how else are you suppose to handle the fact that you have a crush on your best friend of six years, nearly seven years? Besides, Jaebum had never made any hints towards being interested in guys anyways (besides the fact that he hasn't shown any interest in girls either).

Jaebum was looking at him, with an expression that Jinyoung couldn't read, and he could have sworn that Jaebum glanced down to his lips. and then there was the words, "Can I kiss you?"

Turning his head to the side, Jinyoung squinted wondering if he had heard Jaebum correctly. But he licked his lips and slowly nodded. Seconds later Jaebum's hand was cradling his face, and he was leaning in.

They kissed, both of them stopped dancing to the slow beat of the song, and stood there still. After a few seconds away Jaebum pulls away to look at him. "I've wanted to do that for years."

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Jinyoung was standing at his locker, trying to put everything that he needed to take home for the weekend into his bag when he felt a pair of arms wrap around him from behind. There would have been a time he would have freaked out, but now he wouldn't. He knew who it was, it was Jaebum. There was lips pressing against the side of his head and he turned his head around to catch Jaebum's lips in a quick press.

Pulling away he smiled at Jaebum as he turned back to his locker.

"Hey," he could hear the smile in Jaebum's voice as he leaned his head onto Jinyoung's shoulder. "You won't believe it, but I actually passed that test I thought I was going to bomb."

Closing the door behind him, Jinyoung held his thumb up and then high fived Jaebum before holding his hand. While walking out to go to the parking lot, Jaebum felt Jinyoung tugging on his hand and his smiled as he pressed a kissed to his lips again.

It was cute really, every time that Jinyoung wanted a kiss, he would pull on Jaebum's hand, and he loved it.

Jaebum just loves him in general.

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The hands around his waist slid up and Jinyoung let his hands tangle further into Jaebum's hair. The two were pressed tightly together already, they were on Jaebum's couch (his mom was at work) and Jinyoung was on his lap, their mouths moving against each other's in a slow by rhythmical kiss.

When they pulled back for air, Jaebum was smiling up at him and he captured Jinyoung's hands in his. Cocking his head to the side, Jinyoung licked his lips as he watched Jaebum. When he nudged their entwined hands Jaebum just used it to pull him closer. 

Their faces were close together again, and he could feel Jaebum's hot breathe against his mouth. "I love you."

And Jinyoung has heard those words, hundreds of times before from Jaebum. But there was something about this time that was different than all of the other times. Before, they weren't dating.

This time there was the known fact that it wasn't just an I love you, but an I'm in love with you.

He heard Jaebum coo as he pulled his hands out of Jinyoung's hands and he was cupping Jinyoung's cheeks, swiping away a tear, and he blinked, realizing that he had begun to tear up. Moving in he starting kissing Jaebum again.

Jinyoung is in love with him too.

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jaebummie: so have you figured out what college you're going to?

jinyoungie: yeah, i wanted to go to state

jaebummie: for writing?

jinyoungie: yeah

jaebummie: i wanna go there for filmography

jinyoungie: go together?
jinyoungie: but what if one of us doesn't make it

jaebummie: then neither of us go

jinyoungie: ok
jinyoungie: imma go to bed <3 i love you

jaebummie: love you too <3 <3

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When Jaebum got a call he was mildly concerned. Especially when he saw it was from Jinyoung. For as long as he has known Jinyoung, the only times that Jinyoung has ever called him was to do one of the following:

1) wake Jaebum up (like a little personal alarm).

2) when he was sad and wanted to hear Jaebum talk.

And considering that the two of them had been living together the past two years, neither of those happened anymore. Picking it up right away he held the phone to his ear, "Jinyoungie?" he questioned, trying to keep the panic out of his voice, there had to be a logical explanation to this, right?

But he could recognize the sound right away of Jinyoung crying. He would always do the same thing whenever he cried on the phone, he have the phone right next to his ear to hear Jaebum, but would always try to muffle his cries, but Jaebum could always tell. "Babe, breathe for me okay? I'm going to be over in a few, do you want me to stay on the phone with you?"

When he looked down at his phone, he saw that Jinyoung hung up, he took that as a no, he didn't want Jaebum to stay on the phone with him.

Hopping into the car, he tried to think where he went, and then he remembered, Jackson wanted him to come over to a girl's house so that it wasn't awkward, especially since the girl was one of Jinyoung's partners in a project, and she lived on campus in one of the sorority houses.

By the time he pulled up, it wasn't hard to clock the house right away, and beneath his worry for Jinyoung, he was feeling a deep anger towards Jackson. He brought Jinyoung to a party. Getting out of the car he slammed the door shut as he made his way inside, pushing through everyone, trying to find the bathroom, figuring that was the most logical place that Jinyoung would be.

When he finally found it, the door was closed and he tried to turn the knob but the door was locked. Leaning his head against it, he tried to hear over the music if there was anyone in there but he couldn't tell. "Jinyoungie?" he called as he knocked on the door. "It's Jaebum."

A few seconds later, the door was opening and Jinyoung stood in front of him, red eyes and he had toilet paper in his hands. "Come on," he grabbed Jinyoung's hand and started pulling him through the crowd and out to the car, opening the passenger door for him. "I'm going to go back inside to get Jackson, are you going to be okay out here by yourself?"

At Jinyoung's nod, Jaebum closed the door and went back up and into the house. It took him a few more minutes to find Jackson that it did to find Jinyoung, but once he did, Jackson turned to look at him and instantly cringed.

Jaebum looked fucking pissed.

Walking up, Jaebum grabbed his wrist and pulled him away from the group of people he was talking to not even caring.

"Jaebum-" Jackson tried to speak but Jaebum shot him a look and it made him keep his mouth shut.

Still not saying anything, Jaebum opened the door to his back seat and waited until Jackson got in and then he slammed the door shut behind him before rounding over to the drivers seat. Jinyoung was sat straight, and Jaebum felt his anger simmer down again into worry as he eyed him up and down before driving back to the apartment.

When they got back to the apartment, Jackson followed the two of them in like a lost puppy. Once they were inside, Jackson tried to speak again, "Guys I'm so-"

"Don't," Jaebum growled as he turned away from Jinyoung to turn to Jackson. "I don't want to hear it. What the fuck were you thinking Jackson?"

"I wasn't trying to! I didn't know it would make him freak out like that Jaebum. Do you think I would have done it if I knew that?"

"Don't you think you should, I don't know, ask first? It was suppose to a small gathering, and that was not a small gathering."

Shifting Jackson grabbed his hands, "So I fibbed."

"Exactly!"

"I knew he wouldn't want to come with me if he knew it was a full party."

"That's the fucking point Jackson!" Jaebum grabbed his head as he turned away, seething to himself. When he went to turn around again, he saw that Jinyoung was crouched on the floor, hands over his ears and Jaebum wanted to punch himself in the face then.

He was just yelling and lecturing Jackson for doing that, when he just yelled in front of Jinyoung, knowing that Jinyoung's it. Crouching down on the ground in front of Jinyoung, he watched as Jinyoung made eye contact, "Hey, it's alright. There's not going to be anymore yelling tonight, alright? I'm sorry."

A few minutes later Jinyoung took his hands off of his ears and pointed to the bedroom, and Jaebum nodded understanding what he wanted. He stood back up and offered a hand out to Jinyoung to help him back up and he took it. Jackson stood in the kitchen and Jaebum took Jinyoung back to their bedroom.

After Jinyoung got changed he laid down and Jaebum pressed a quick kiss to Jinyoung's hand, "I'm gonna go talk to Jackson, not yell at him."

By the time Jaebum got back to bed, he smiled seeing Jinyoung asleep. Now that everything was calmed down, he let himself lay in bed and contemplate over the night. He had been so freaking scared earlier, he was about to have a heart attack. And he regrets getting as angry as he did, that Jinyoung had to see that.

The last time Jaebum ever went off like that was fifth grade, when Jinyoung had gotten pantsed at school.

Turning over, he gave Jinyoung one last kiss to the forehead before falling asleep himself.

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They were sitting at the table together, Jaebum going through and editing some shots he had gotten the other day, and Jinyoung sat there watching him, holding his hand and playing around. He would draw words with his finger and just fiddle around. Eventually Jaebum felt a tug on his hand, and even now, it still made him smile knowing that Jinyoung wanted a kiss.

"Jaebum." The voice was soft, and it was quiet, and Jaebum has never turned his head faster in his life.

Jinyoung was looking up at him with wide eyes, "I love you."

And Jaebum knew that, he has known that for years, and years. But hearing those words out loud, hearing Jinyoung speak for the first time in the ten plus years that he has known him. He felt proud, he didn't know how else to describe it. Before he knew it, he felt the tears coming to his eyes, and he was laughing as he wiped the tears away, and Jinyoung was wiping the tears away with him.

"You have a beautiful voice," Jaebum muttered through it all as he watched the beautiful smile take over Jinyoung's face.

After that day, Jinyoung still didn't talk often, and Jaebum wasn't expecting him too. But every little while, Jinyoung would mumble his name, or a tired 'I love you' and every time that he did, Jaebum loved it, his heart always swelling with pride, and it always made him tear up without fail.

He felt so lucky being able to be on this journey with Jinyoung, to see him go from where he was at to now, he made so much progress, and Jaebum was so glad that he was able to witness it. To see Jinyoung grow and blossom into the strong and beautiful person that Jaebum always knew that was there. And he felt so damn lucky to be able to call him his boyfriend.

Maybe one day his husband.

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It was Easter, and Jaebum hid eggs. It had been a long time that he had debating when and how to do this, but it had been Mark who had made the suggestion. Jinyoung was looking all over the apartment for eggs, and Jaebum made sure to hide the one just difficult enough, and when he saw Jinyoung getting close, he stood close behind him.

And then Jinyoung was reaching for it, and Jaebum's heart beat as he kneeled to the floor.

Finally catching the last egg, Jinyoung let out a sigh of relief as he looked at it. Cracking it open like he had with all of the other ones, expecting to see more candy, he was surprised to see a folded piece of paper. Closing the egg and setting it on top of the dresser, Jinyoung unfolded the note, instantly noticing Jaebum's more than familiar scrip that said turn around.

Jaebum was on one knee, a box in his hand as he looked up at Jinyoung. "Park Jinyoung, I was ten years old when I met you, and I remember that I knew we were going to be great friends. In eighth grade, you came out to me as gay, and I remember not being able to put it in words. I think I knew then that I liked you, but I didn't know how to say it. Because it wasn't guys, and it wasn't girls, it was just always you. We were sixteen when we first kissed, and when we became boyfriends, and now we're thirty, and I'm asking if you'll be mine, forever. Will you marry me Park Jinyoung?"

The tears were flowing down Jinyoung's face, and he heard himself say yes and he flew into Jaebum's arms, crashing into him with a hug.

They were going to get married.