Chapter Text
“N-no, get away!” you screamed, your throat burning with every breath you took. Your legs were jelly, but you kept running. This was life or death.
The animal snarled as it slowly prodded toward you. These were the dreaded cats you had heard about. It was one of the hazards of having to borrow materials outside. Why did you have to be a city borrower? Why couldn’t you live in a nice farm house?
Suddenly, the cat pounced, and you took a chance and dove to the side, sinking into a bouncy plastic bag with your hands over your head.
But there was no noise that followed. No growl, no cat breath. You slowly turned around, almost certain you were going to be met face-to-face with a cat face, but you weren’t. Instead, you heard something else.
“Shoo, shoo, you insufferable beast!”
The cat started hissing at a new target, you looked up, but couldn’t make out the figure in the low light of the alley.
“Oh, come here, you misunderstood furball,” the figure said, bending down and picking the cat up. You gazed up in amazement.
The cat hissed and sunk his teeth into the hand of the figure, who didn’t even let out a yelp.
“Well, that’s not very nice!” he said. He cocked his arm and tossed the cat over his shoulder. It slammed into some trash cans before scampering off toward the street.
You sighed in relief, thankful that this passerby distracted the feline before it could eat you. Pushing against the stretchy plastic, you began to slide your way back to the ground. You had to make it back to the comfort of your home before you almost died. But suddenly, a black boot stepped down in front of you and you shrieked, falling backwards and hitting your head on the ground.
The human was looking right down at you.
Your breath picked up as you got back on your feet. Where could you run to? He was blocking your way. Before you could even take a step, a black hand reached down and scooped you up. You cried out, desperately trying to jump off before he could get you. But you were too high up now.
The human took their other hand, index finger pointed up, and pinned it down on your chest to keep you in place. Your breaths became staggered.
“Well, well, well, what do we have here?”
You craned your neck up, trying to get a good look at your captor. His skin was covered in red leather, with strips of black in places. He had two poles sticking out from his back and his eyes were little white dots.
Oh, shit.
Deadpool suddenly whipped his head around. Sirens were blaring in the distance.
“Well, I should probably get the fuck out of here!” he said cheerfully. Closing the hand containing you, you could only hold your breath as he jumped around, presumably going to a hiding spot. After what felt like forever, his fingers uncurled and light flooded in. You closed your eyes for a moment, but only a moment. You looked around– you were on a rooftop.
Deadpool bent down. This was the guy who killed people for breakfast. Your mind was racing, a million thoughts telling you all the terrible things that were about to happen.
“W-what are you g-going to-to do with m-me?” you stammer. You doubt he would tell you.
“What am I going to do with you? Ohh, how I love that question,” Deadpool sighed. His masked fingers suddenly pinched your ankle and he pulled you up, dangling you upside down.
“Well, hun, I could eat-cha right up, right now!” he said, lowering you down.
You screamed and thrashed around, trying to break his grip. Suddenly, he stopped.
“HA! I’m just kiddinggg!” he sang. He pointed to where his mouth should be. “I can’t even eat you with this mask on! But I’ve never been one for cannibalism,” he said, tsking at himself. “Too far, too far.”
You were shaking so much you thought you were going to fall anyway. Deadpool could feel it, too.
“Aww, darling, you’re shaking so hard!” he said, bringing you back down to his palm and pulling you close. “Am I… am I scaring you?” he gasped. You weren’t sure if he was being sarcastic or genuine.
You raised an eyebrow, trying to read the expression of a face under a mask. But you’ve heard of Deadpool before. You knew he was Wade Wilson; the Merc with a Mouth; mentally unstable. You knew he could switch from A to B just like that. The last thing you wanted to do, though, was offend him.
“I-I mean… I just…”
“I’m not going to hurt you! I mean, that’s not my intention. If I do end up hurting you, well. Collateral damage, right?”
He saw your horrified expression and cleared his throat.
“No guarantees.”
You could barely muster up what to say. “I’ve never been… caught by a human before.”
“Caught? Darling, I saved you. You know how nasty those cats can be. I mean, look at you. You’re tiny. How many times a day do you almost die?”
You took a moment to answer. Wade gasped dramatically.
“As many times as me?”
You shrugged. “On a good day… probably, uh, five times.”
Wade put his hand to his mouth. “You must be terrified. All the time! How do you do it?”
He flipped to his stomach and kicked his legs up behind him, placing you down in front of his face. You still haven’t stopped shaking. He was absolutely massive. And unpredictable.
He poked you with his finger, multiple times, trying to knock you down. You kept stumbling backwards, but you stayed on your feet.
“Can you–” poke “PLEASE–” poke “Stop doing that!” you shout, finally falling to the ground.
“Ugh, you’re just so cute!” Deadpool cooed. “You know, I’ve heard of tiny people before, but I never thought they were real. Yet here you are!” He laughed. “I mean, my fingers are bigger than your entire body!” He took two fingers and put them down next to you, moving them around like legs. He even struck a few little poses, which you actually found quite enjoyable.
“Ah! Is that a smile I see on your face, little guy?” he gushed.
You rolled your eyes, still smiling.
“Man, I’ve always wanted a pet. And now I have one! Holy shit, this is going to be so much fun. I can take you everywhere!”
You gulped. A pet? Hell no.
“Y-you can’t– I-I’m not–” you tried, but he was too busy talking to hear you.
“Everybody always gets sick of me after, like, five minutes. And yeah, I get it. But this is the best fucking thing to ever happen to me! Ha! Oh, you don’t even have a choice!”
Okay, yep. You were screwed.
“If I had pockets, you would definitely be in one right now,” he said.
You furrowed your brows. “W-well, I’ve actually always thought of pockets as…”
He turned down to you, actually listening to what you were saying.
“…suffocating,” you continued. “I-I’m kind of glad you–”
Suddenly, he picked you back up, sitting up and dangling his feet off the ledge. “Well, let’s try it!”
“Wait, what?!”
But before you knew it, you were down to his waist. He flipped open one of the brown pouches that was resting on his belt and plopped you in, buttoning it up. You tried to gather yourself, but he was moving so much you began to get sick.
“Get cozy! We’re going for a ride!”
Deadpool flung himself off the building, loving the way the wind howled around him.
“ISN’T THIS FUN?” he yelled, tapping the pouch you were in.
You were so, so going to die.