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Phil walked, one foot in front of the other, focusing his mind on the crunch of the sticks beneath his feet. He hadn't planned out what he was going to say, and he found it a bit too late now. He was only a few minutes walk from Dan's family's camp site.
He could have said something years ago, but the prospect of really being together was so scary back then, when they were young and dumb and lived hours away with no real hope of meeting apart from this one weekend every August Bank Holiday. No, they couldn't have made it work back then. But they were grown now. They had lives of their own and they could direct them however they wanted. If they wanted to be together, god damn it, they could.
Phil didn't know if Dan really wanted that. They'd never talked about it, apart from whispered promises of someday, spoken in warm breaths against sweat-slick chests. Last year, Dan had even told Phil he loved him before swallowing him down. It could have been the summer heat.
Dan was setting up a tent when Phil arrived, bent over and focused. Phil had to shake his head against the thoughts racing through his brain.
"Dan!" he called, and waved his hand until he acknowledged him with the widest smile. Dan dropped the stakes where he was and ran over to join him.
"Rec center?" Dan asked with a quirk in his lips.
"Rec center," Phil confirmed.
They both knew 'rec center' was code for their hide away, and Dan followed at Phil's heels as he walked the trail away from the camp grounds, weaving until the path narrowed and they ducked away between the trees until all that was left was the faint smell of smoke.
Immediately, Dan met Phil with a shove against a tree and needy lips. Phil took a moment to appreciate the curl of his hair, the particular pattern of it, wild and free after years of Dan taming it with flat irons and insecurity. He'd grown so much in the six years they'd known each other, in more ways than height. He caressed Dan's broad shoulders before gently pushing them back, giving himself space to breathe, to think.
"Dan, I" he started, unsure where it would lead. "I want you."
"You have me, baby," he said as he nipped at Phil's neck just below the ear.
"Wait, I'm not finished," he said. Dan paused at this and looked Phil in the eyes. The lust dropped out of his face and was replaced with concern. "We've been saying 'someday' for six years now. I don't know how much you meant it."
Phil dropped his hands to his sides, scanning Dan's face for any signs he could find. Dan just looked blank, confused.
"There's a flat to rent in Manchester. It's a two bedroom. It's mine if I want it," he reached for Dan's hands, throwing subtlety aside. "Come with me."
Dan's hands were shaking. He drew his lip between his teeth, biting down softly. Phil braced himself for rejection, which was only right.
"I'm gonna be leaving everything behind," Dan responded, a light returning to his eyes.
"I know, I know it's horrible of me to ask you to- Wait." Phil watched Dan nod his head furiously, the waves of his hair bouncing weightlessly. He wrapped his arms underneath Dan's, circling him tightly as Dan clung to his neck. Phil lifted him off the ground, just briefly. Just enough to turn him around so that Dan's back was pushed into the bark of the tree. He pressed their foreheads together and closed his eyes in peace.
"It doesn't even have to be like we're living together living together. We can just be roommates who go on dates and shag sometimes and-"
"Phil," Dan said as he caught his lips smoothly, "shut up and kiss me."