Chapter Text
Deku inhales through his nose. He’s been on a no-panic streak for a good few weeks now, and it’d be a shame if he were to break it now. He can imagine All Might’s disappointed face in his mind’s eye and makes his guts rearrange. “One more time.”
Kirishima softly rocks in his seat. There’s gotta be some joke to be said about rocks rocking- but right now the concept is all punchline and no build up. A rock rocking out on a rocking chair? I’ll never be as funny as Todoroki but I can do it better that , Midoriya scolds himself. Plus Ultra.
The tips of Kirishima’s ears have caught a blooming red color. “I like Ashido.”
“You like Ashido.”
“...And I can’t tell her.”
“You can’t tell her because you’re scared?”
“Because she’s… she… i mean, probably, she won’t like me back. She’s all… that . And I’m…” He gestures to himself. “You know what I mean?”
Deku doesn’t, but nods all the same.
The greenette taps his calloused fingers on the side of his coffee. “I want to help you, Kirishima, but… how do I that?” words form around the rim of his cup.
His classmate smiles shyly, “I just kinda wanted someone to talk to, man. Some advice. I’m sure you of all people have experience about that, yeah?”
Midoriya hacks up into his cup. “Hu-HUH?!”
Kirishima moves forward to catch his coffee before it jostles out of his hands. “Midoriya!”
“Kiri- hack! ” He thumps his chest as if to make a sick beat over the tune of his suffocation. He coughs in lieu of a high hat.
“I mean! Hey, you really don’t have to share if you don’t want to! It’s really not a problem, bro. I can- I mean I can manage on my own, I’m sure-!”
“Kirishima, I’m- You can- Um. Sit back down. I’m okay- I’m okay now!” Although initially dubious, Kirishima moves to crawl backward off the table and sit back down. He nods apologetically to the adjacent group looking their way with alarm.
“...I really didn’t mean to pry, Midoriya. Please don’t be upset?”
“I can’t be upset about you prying when I don’t know what you’re prying into.” Deku scratches the back of his head awkwardly. “What exactly do you think you’re prying into?”
Kirishima puts his attention into a very interesting spot on the floor.
“Pry...ing… what a weird word, isn’t it? Doesn’t even sound like a real word anymore. Do you get that sometimes? Pr...y...ing… Wow.”
“Kirishima, please focus." Deku resists the urge to roll his eyes. It'd be rude. "What are you prying into?”
“I mean… you know… it’s not like you’re very discreet.”
“...?”
“...”
“We can do this song and dance all day, Kirishima.”
Eijirou slumps into his seat. “You know…” He rolls his wrist around in the air in circles. It reminds Deku about the way this conversation is going.
“I wish I did.” Midoriya allows the the laughter bubbling up to release into the atmosphere. “I think you’re mistaken, Kirishima. I don’t have any dating experience! I really can’t help the way you think I could.”
“Yeah, but, maybe you could tell me about the things you do when you’re hurting really hard for someone? Like, do you pick up any hobbies? Like, uh, puzzles or spelunking?”
Midoriya scrunches up his nose. “If you want to talk about words that don’t sound like words, then we should be talking about ‘spelunking’.”
He eyes Kirishima warily, going on full-mumble mode “And I’m not pining for anyone. I mean, not right now. Uraraka… I mean, it never really got super bad at the time. And there was no bad blood when she got together with Iida. So I never really developed any routines to address those… those kinds of feelings. I’ve never needed to.”
Deku watches Kirishima’s red pupils run back and forth. The coffee is finished. He’s suckling an empty cup to fill the void of noise. Awkward. The silence is louder than millenials at the bar when Mr. Brightside by The Killers is on. Fucking deafening.
“...What is it?”
“Aren’t you… I mean, it seems surprising, Midoriya… It’s like common knowledge that you have a thing going on with Bakugou.”
Now Deku- he would be vehemently denying that accusation, you see. He would be correcting that misinformation had he not accidentally sucked the straw into his windpipe in surprise.
The table tips over when Kirishima jumps on it to get to Midoriya before he turns any more blue.
“Midoriya, baby~ To what do I owe this pleasant surprise?” Mina pressed her hip into the doorframe.
“H-Hi Ashido…! I’m sorry for stumbling on you like this.” Midoriya bows a perfect 90 degrees.
“Stumbling? There’s no stumbling. You texted me like 2 minutes before!” She waves her hot pink phone in the air. “Geez, did you think had to pencil in an appointment 5-8 business days in advanced?” Mina sweetly cackles at the idea of a high school student having a personal assistant.
Deku doesn’t raise his head, instead remaining transfixed on Mina’s bare feet. “It’s just… um, it’s a very strange thing. A thing I need to talk to you about- well… I don’t- I don’t have to because it’s not necessarily your problem. But it- you should… it will make sense, just give me a minute.”
Trying to catch his breath, it’s occured to Izuku that he’s a fucking hypocrite. He had pointedly instructed Kirishima not to be weird around Ashido about this- that they should remain civil, despite this pining thing going on. “Approach this in a calm and rational manner”, he had advised.
Well, it’s to be expected. Midoriya’s always been known to give good advice, but never actually take it himself. It’s on brand for him.
Ashido’s eyebrows raise and her face turns playfully scandalized. She beckons Deku to follow her behind her door with flowy come-hither gestures that make Deku’s face turn hot.
To be invited inside a woman’s room like this…!
Midoriya coughs into his hand as he passes through the threshold, being embraced by sporty perfume that smells like beach volleyball and skid marks on a track field.
“Pour us the tea, Mido!” Ashido sits on her comforter, squeezing a heart-shaped pillow in her arms.
“It’s just like…” What even is it like just? “I have a friend.”
Mina nods enthusiastically. She motions for him to sit. He decides to remain standing. “Um, this uh… this friend of mine, he… likes someone.”
The pink-skinned student’s entire posture lights up. She’s buzzing harder than Sero was when Kaminari sneezed extremely hard against him. “Like… like-like or like- like like?”
“Like, uh… I guess… the other one?”
Mina gasps behind her manicured cuticles.
“He likes someone from middle school.” He racks his brain for neutral information that won’t clue Mina in- at least not immediately. To be fair, should have practiced for this part, instead of practicing how to properly ask invitation to enter a girl’s room.
Deku thinks back to the way Kirishima spun poetry about Mina: something about her hair and her battle stance and her special chopsticks and then something about penmanship or whatever. Kirishima was gripping his thighs so tight as if it was the only thing keeping him contained both physically and emotionally.
“He thinks that they’re… amazing. Super cool. Too cool for him! And they’re scared. Really scared. Because the person they like is-”
“ IS BAKUGOU! ”
Deku blinks. “Uh.”’
On one hand, Kirishima definitely has a really homoerotic relationship going on with Kacchan since their high school careers began; he gets it. But up unless Bakugou is the one sporting “super cute purple crop tops”, Midoriya really doubts that he was the one Kirishima was referring to in his lovestruck monologue.
His lips move to correct her, but Mina… Mina looks like she’s on the verge of tears. Before Deku can start panicking about the waterworks, she releases a pitched squeal that could cancel out Jirou’s deep bassy notes.
“Yes! Yes!” She pushes herself off her bed to scoop up Deku in her surprisingly toned pink arms. “Is it happening? Really? For true?!”
“Ashido?!” Deku cries, his mouth muffled with pink curls.
“Midoriya…! You’re confessing to Bakugou!”
Deku spits the hair out from between his teeth, “I AM?!”
“I’m so proud!”
“Ashido-”
“Thank you for sharing this with me!” Mina sets Deku back down to her fluffy carpet, but doesn’t release him from her hold. Despite already being pink, her face turns a darker shade
“This isn’t what you think it is!” Deku pleads.
Honestly, what the heck is going on with his classmates assuming there’s something going on between him and Kacchan? Deku can feel himself turn hot under the collar.
Realistically speaking, the only commitment that Deku foresees between Bakugou and himself is a crime being committed- namely, his homicide. His mother would weep. It would definitely be a murder though. He guarantees it. Yet Bakugou is so meticulous and intelligent, he’d find a way to make it seem like an accident because he’s just that good.
His cries fall on deaf ears.
“This is amazing! It feels like my son going off to get hitched. Is this what motherhood feels like?” Mina presses a palm under her navel. “I think my body just started ovulating in preparation for more children. Oh my god, Midoriya! I’m so excited!”
She presses her possibly-ovulating body against Deku’s, and he realizes that he better put a cap on this as soon as he can.
“I’m not… This isn’t… There’s nothing going on between Kacchan and I!” He grips her biceps, urging her to look him square in the face.
Mina’s expression turns soft. “Don’t be like that, Midoriya. I believe in you!” She pumps her fist in the air. “And by the way? There’s no way that Bakugou doesn’t feel a little something for you too. Not by the way he looks you up and down.”
“You’ve misunderstood! Listen, I-” Deku blinks. “What was that last part again?”
Ashido flips the script and grips his biceps instead, “No, you listen to me , you little cutie…! From this day forward I will stop at nothing to help you be with the person you love!” She presses her forehead against his. “I promise!”
“Ashido… you’ve got to slow down…” Deku avoids her headstrong gaze- black sclera attempting to consume him.
Never let it be said that Deku wasn’t easily impressed by a strong declaration of will. But this one in particular… this one is missing it’s mark by quite a few inches- lightyears, almost.
“You’re right, you’re right. What’s the game plan?” Ashido scrunches up her face as if she’s just tasted something really sour. “What kind of strategies should we use…?”
“None! No strategies! No tactics or gameplans or anything! Ashido…! You’ve misunderstood all of this. I don’t- I’m not the one with the crush.”
“But who else could it be? Silly Mido.” She brushes a wisp of green hair behind his ear. “Middle school attraction blooming into something more? No one has the kind of tenacity to hold onto something as flimsy as a crush from- what? 2 or 3 years ago, is it? No regular person holds on to those kinds of things, and if someone would- then it would be you!”
Two things. First of all, Midoriya isn’t quite sure if he’s been complimented or insulted- but he supposes Mina is best described as an overflowing champagne glass- effervescence pouring out the rim. It’s better than being dishonest, he digresses.
The other thing- well… “You can’t think of anyone else that could, y’know, get some sort of middle school crush on someone else…? Nobody at all?”
Ashido smiles as if she’s just been asked a trick question. “Who else is there?”
The other thing is that Kirishima- at least the one from middle school- doesn't seem to have registered even the slightest to Mina. This could get… difficult.
“Game plan time!” Ashido hollers, pushing Midoriya to sit down on her pink-and-black comforter. “We need some way to get through to Mr. Explosion Boy… Hm… We can’t push all this to him so soon, I’m sure you know.”
Midoriya doesn’t. He’s not even sure what “all this” refers to. Clearly the black and gold eyes aren’t just for aesthetics, because Mina definitely is seeing things that simply aren’t there.
Said eyes squint thoughtfully before widening in realization.
“What if… Oh! Ah! Kirishima!”
Deku gasps. Did she remember? “Y...You got it?” Would you look at that: maybe there’s hope for this yet. He won’t have to be the one to confront Kirishima on Ashido is completely clueless towards their origin story.
Luck is on his side!
“Yes! Kirishima is super close to Bakuboy? He can definitely help us out.”
Oh.
Nevermind.
Looks like luck decided to flip him the bird and spit on his shoes and call him a cuck.
He doesn’t disagree, though. Objectively speaking, Ashido and Kirishima as high-grade extroverts. There’s some satisfaction at the thought of them flexing on each other with their social prowess.
“Is it alright? You can totally trust Kirishima, I promise! I’ve known him for a very long time, but I get it if you want to keep this between you and I.” She motions between them as she moves to kneel.
Pause.
Rewind.
“You trust Kirishima… a lot, then? You like him that much?”
Mina hits her chest with her fist. “There’s no one I look up to more!” She flushes softly. “And it’s not just that he’s my friend- I’ve always known he was a great person. We can totally depend on him for this too! Hashtag-BringBakuAndMidoTogether!"
“That’s great and all, but this really has nothing to do about me…! Ashido, please!”
“Selfless as ever, aren’t you? You and Bakugou would balance each other perfectly! Everyone would agree!”
“No! No one agrees! Especially not Kacchan!” He pauses, but only to mull over his options.
To be fair, Kirishima was suddenly injected into the narrative without Deku even trying- it was all Ashido. There was space in her brain for him- and if it’s true that the mind and the heart are interconnected, then maybe there’s space in Mina’s heart for Eijirou afterall.
There is hope! Not a lot of hope. Barely a fraction of hope…
But hope nonetheless!
And growing up a quirkless recluse with dreams bigger than the empty space in his wallet from collecting All Might merchandise, Midoriya knows a thing or two about not being able to let things go.
The gap just had to be bridged: the gap between dependable classmate to long-time admirer and potential lover. High risk, but high rewards, Deku rationalizes. The worst that can happen is… well, absolute fucking chaos.
Ashdio knocks on his head. “Mido, you dummy! You don’t need to mumble so anxiously! You just have to leave it all to me and talk to Kiri about it, alright? Leave it to us, okay?”
“...Okay. You and Kirishima. I leave it to you.”
The text warned him something about clarifying… something… and Bakugou…. Something…
In Kirishima’s defense, the header was “Ashido is going to talk to you in a while and you have to[...]”. So could you really blame him for being a shortsighted guy?
Suddenly, there’s a hand pulling at his sleeve and a quick “I’ll return him in a bit, Sero!” before he’s pulled off the couch and the controller once in his hands drops to the floor.
“Kirishima…!” Ashido whisper-yells, her shoulders shaking with excitement. She’s got a big dumb blinding smile on her face as she tugs him through the corridors.
“Um, Ashido!” He says in lieu of anything actually cohesive to say.
They stop at the dead end of the first floor women’s wing. Mina’s eyes dart to Uraraka’s dorm room, as if expecting it to open. When it seems like no one would be interrupting them, she removes her hands off Kirishima.
“So Midoriya told you?”
“Sure.” He blinks, trying to salvage any information he can about what it was he was supposed to have been told.
Ashido softy squeals, fists clenched to her chin. “It’s so exciting! Love is amazing, isn’t it?”
???
?????What the fuck?????
???
Midoriya said he was gonna be a primer! Not the judge-jury-executioner! Was that what that text was about?? He had told her already? Everything? SO SOON??
His life flashed before his eyes.
You would think Shindo Yo was just around the corner, with how intensely his knees have gone weak and started to shake. “Ashido…!” His voice comes out pathetically weak. Speechless.
And Mina, she’s still beaming at him, swaying side to side with happiness; perfect little hips swinging to and fro.
Fuck.
He left his index cards in his room. Half of the words on those were already scratched out, too! He should have prepared for this more intensely. He should have prepared for this, period.
Why would Midoriya betray him in this way? Minus 20 manly points, for sure, he thinks grimly.
“Ashido… I didn’t… I mean, I wanted to be the one to say it! I’m sorry that I didn’t! B-But I-”
“Oh? So you were the one who wanted me to be involved?” Mina’s arms drop to her side. “Ah, I appreciate it! You knew I would love to do this, didn't you? You know me so well!” She grasps his sweaty, shaking hands in between her’s.
“You… You wanna do… this…? With me?” Kirishima peers behind his shoulder, just to make perfectly sure that he’s the one Ashido is talking to.
His pulse rate could outrun Iida at this point, no problem. Nevermind, +200 manly points to Izuku Midoriya.
“I can’t imagine anyone I’d rather do this with, honestly.”
Correction: +2 million manly points.
He steels himself, intertwining their fingers together. Her fingertips are rough- hard-edged from enduring her caustic quirk. “R-Really? Mina, I-!”
“I mean, who else is as close to Bakugou and you?”
Kirishima slips his hands out of her’s. “What?”
Mina didn’t seem to notice at all. “Midoriya and Bakugou, can you believe it? It’s finally going to happen!”
“Um.”
“And you and I are gonna be the ones to do it!”
“We are?”
“We are! I already cleared it with Mido.” Mina twirls, arms out and curls bouncing around her face.
He shakes his head to break him out of his stupor. “B-But Midoriya… he said there wasn't anything going on between them.”
Kirishima recalls Deku’s flushed face in the cafe, swearing on his grave that he was telling the truth. ‘ Sounds fake, but ok’ he thought to himself at the time.
“Pft. And you believed him?” Mina teased. “Who else could he be talking about?”
Kirishima feels a sense of dread fester in his gut. It's disarming. “Ashido, what did Midoriya actually say ?”
“Oh, it was so romantic!” She gushed, holding her face in the palm of her hands.
“He told me that a friend … aka. him, had a crush on someone during middle school! That this "pretend friend "of his had always admired this special someone and finds strength in them! Any fortitude that this friend has is because they push themselves to reach the standards that their crush has helped them realize... They want to be a hero to help others, to be a beacon of hope- just like what their crush is to them! And that maybe someday, they could be together and fight crime and make history together as a super amazing hero duo!”
Mina sighs lovingly, actual hearts in her eyes,
“It’s practically rotting my teeth with how sweet it is! Who else could that be except for those two knuckleheads? Damn, what I would do to have someone feel that way about me...”
Kirishima wants to decompose on the spot.
“But they’re both such idiots about it… not realizing they have feelings for one another…” She tuts, shaking her head with hands on her hips. Mina fixes her gaze on an inwardly-dying Kirishima, a shadow casting over her eyes,
“That’s where we come in.”
Eijiro blinks dumbly at her, mind elsewhere, writing his will. He promised Kaminari at one point that his console would go to him if he were to expire so soon. That sleep-deprived guy from General Studies might finally have a shot at the hero course, then. At least he could be helpful even beyond the grave.
Mina clasps her hands together, the clap unearthing Kirishima from his sad, sad soliloquy.
“Together… I believe they can do incredible things. And I would be honored to help achieve that future.” She looks down. Then she looks up at Kirishima in the eyes. “But I need you.”
Pause.
Rewind.
Bust out of that mental coffin, champ.
“You need me?”
“You’re the only one that can help me. I need you for my plan to work.” She confirms, voice determined and whole-hearted.
It’s a refresher course on Why-To-Love-Ashido-Mina 101.
“We need to set them up in a common place where they can be alone together! I’ll bring Midoriya; you’ll bring Bakugou. We’ll make a motive to have them stay… but make some excuse for us to leave at the same time!”
Kirishima chews on his inner-cheek. “And then where do we go?”
Ashido snaps her fingers, winking, “We’ll be around, making sure their date goes well! We can disguise as a couple ourselves to not raise any suspicion.”
He can feel the skin on his neck turn hot and prickly at the thought. “Just… Just you and I?”
Mina pumps her fist. “Just you and I! The ultimate matchmaking duo!”
He knows, alright? Kirishima knows.
He knows that he shouldn’t meddle with Midoriya’s business like this- that Midoriya didn’t intend for things to turn out this way. He knows that Mina, for all her excitement, is getting ahead of herself. To her benefit, he knows that Bakugou talks about Midoriya way too much to be casual about it, too- that he’s not ready to confront this enemies-to-friends-to-lovers nonsense. Not yet, anyway. But he also knows that Bakugou will target him shortly after he disposes Midoriya’s corpse when he finds out what kind of hijinx he’s being dragged into.
On the other hand, the words “couple”, “we”, “together”, “you and I”, and “duo” sounds so good coming from Mina’s strawberry lips, rolling off her tongue.
And who knows? Maybe Mina can finally get with the program if they were to spend some time together- any time together.
A grand realization.
All he needs is some avenue to prove to her how good of a partner he can be. Consider this matchmaking business a test of true integrity, then- a test of boyfriend material-ness.
If Midoriya and Bakugou end up arriving on common ground too... well that’s just added bonus. It’s hitting two birds with one stone. Right? That makes sense.
High risk maybe… but high rewards.
Mina looks up at him, eyelashes fluttering whether or not she’s aware of it, and the corners of her mouth turned up into a wicked, expectant smile.
And how could he resist?
“I’m in.”