Work Text:
Moving into the dorm rooms at U.A. has been a blessing, to say the least. Shouto’s household , because calling it ‘home’ just sounds wrong, is one of his least favorite places to be. There’s never a calm atmosphere. Every word he says needs to be thought out. Every step is calculated. He can’t relax in that house. It’s like he’s constantly holding his breath.
The dorms have allowed Shouto to exhale. He’s surrounded by not only his classmates, but his friends. It makes him feel at ease for once in his life.
Well, most of the time.
Shouto is a virgin in the social interactions department. The last time Shouto has had any sort of feelings towards another person, not including family, that wasn’t either annoyance or neutral, was probably in a past life. Just having friends is a completely different world to him. He still hasn’t gotten used to that.
So, the fact that his heart seems to beat a little faster, or that his cheeks become a little hotter whenever a certain someone is near, gives Shouto a migraine. When it first started, maybe a week or so after everyone had gotten settled in the dorms, he just assumed he was sick.
But, it’s been an entire year. He’s pretty sure a simple cold doesn’t drag on this long.
“Good morning, Todoroki-kun!”
Ah. There it is, Shouto thinks when his stomach flutters. There’s that insufferable feeling again.
“Good morning, Midoriya,” Shouto answers, keeping his voice as steady as possible.
“Morning, friends!” Uraraka hops over with Iida trailing behind. “Here, Deku-kun!” She shoves a granola bar in his face. “Gotcha something on the way here, since I know you’re famous for skipping breakfast.”
Midoriya grabs the breakfast snack gratefully. “A-Ah, you didn’t—” Uraraka puts up a hand, her eyes narrowing into a glare. Midoriya gulps, already seeing that he’s fighting a losing battle. “Th-thank you, Uraraka-san.”
Uraraka beams. “Not a problem! It was actually Iida-kun’s idea,” she says, bumping his hip with hers playfully. “Always such a ‘dad’.” She snickers.
“I’m just looking out for my friends!” Iida waves a hand robotically before gesturing at Midoriya. “You need to take better care of yourself!”
As Midoriya waves them off, denying that he’s an absolute failure at keeping himself in check, Shouto reverts his attention to his pencil and twiddles it with his fingers. Should I have brought Midoriya something for breakfast?
“Ah, Todoroki-kun!” Shouto looks up at the sound of Uraraka’s voice, only to be met face-to-face with an apple. “You’re no better.” She winks, nudging the apple closer to his face.
Shouto knits his eyebrows together. “What do you want me to do with it?”
Uraraka snorts, Midoriya smothering a giggle behind his hand next to her. “I got it for you, idiot.” She places the apple on Shouto’s desk. “I want you to eat it.”
Shouto’s eyes widen in realization as he shifts his gaze to the shiny red fruit. “Oh,” he says lamely. “Thank you.”
“It’s no trouble!” Iida assures. “Health comes first!” He pumps a fist in the air, as if he’s making some kind of mind-blowing declaration.
“I don’t know how either of you survive without eating breakfast,” Uraraka says, sitting on top of Shouto’s desk. He grabs the apple before it can roll off.
Midoriya shrugs. “I don’t usually wake up hungry first thing in the morning, but then it settles in as soon as I—” As if on cue, Midoriya’s stomach produces a loud gurgling noise that doesn’t even sound like it came from a human. He flushes in embarrassment, which only makes Uraraka throw her head back in laughter. “As soon as class starts…” he finishes as his fingers tear open the wrapper.
Shouto has learned something about his green-haired friend over the past year or so. Midoriya makes everything he does look cute. Shouto isn’t sure how he does it, but he does. Everything he does, like the way he’s biting into his granola bar right now, is just so oddly endearing.
When he wakes up in the morning and drags his feet to the common room, he rubs his eyes with his fists and stretches his arms up to the ceiling, giving Shouto a small peek at the skin covering his hip bone. He still mutters, and Shouto has now come to notice that he always grabs at his chin when he does, hunching slightly forward. Izuku bites his bottom lip and either scratches his cheek with his pointer finger or rubs the back of his neck when he’s anxious or embarrassed. Whenever he—
Oh God, Shouto needs to pull himself together.
Shouto might be new to all of this, but he isn’t an idiot. He knows the things he feels can’t be platonic — there’s just no way. His pulse doesn’t throb in his throat when he’s around anyone else. He doesn’t become hyper aware of his breathing patterns, and his stomach doesn’t do cartwheels with anyone aside from Midoriya. All these little things occur when and only when Midoriya is near.
Shouto rubs the back of his neck, exhaling heavily. He’s so fucked.
“Oh, Todoroki-kun,” Midoriya says, swallowing down the rest of his granola bar. Shouto feels his face burn, and casually maneuvers his hand to rest on his cheek, decreasing the temperature in his palm as a tactic to cool the heated skin. “I wasn’t here yesterday, so would it be okay if I stopped by tonight to copy down the notes?”
Midoriya’s worrying his bottom lip and scratching his cheek with his pointer finger. Shouto’s lip curves up without consent. “Sure,” he answers simply.
“Thank you so much!” Midoriya bows his head, and before he can think, Shouto reaches out and pushes Midoriya’s forehead up. Widened eyes stare back at him, blinking once.
“You don’t have to bow your head,” Shouto says quickly as he retracts his hand. What the hell did I just do?
Midoriya rubs the spot where Shouto’s hand had just been. “R-right.” A shade of pink dusts over his cheeks. The door slides open, a sleep-deprived Aizawa standing in the entrance. “Ah, class is starting.” Midoriya leans down and tilts his head, a smile as bright as the sun shining in Shouto’s face. “We’ll talk at lunch, yeah?”
Shouto gives him a small nod as Midoriya scurries to his desk. Aizawa starts the lesson, but it’s nothing but white noise in Shouto’s ears. He’s too busy staring at the back of Midoriya’s head, studying each curl and how it intertwines with another.
Yaoyorozu clears her throat next to him. He startles, just a bit, and looks at her with a raised eyebrow. She’s hiding her obvious smile with the tips of her fingers, giving him a small wave of dismissal before averting her attention back to the lesson.
A sigh leaves him as he tries to force himself to pay attention to Aizawa, but then Midoriya starts chewing at the end of his pen in concentration and it’s way more adorable than it should be. Shouto can’t see Midoriya’s face, but he doesn’t need to to know what he looks like right now. Eyebrows furrowed together, lips in the shape of a thoughtful pout, scarred fingers grabbing at his chin.
Shouto runs his hand down his face and bites back a groan. He’s a mess.
There’s a knock at his door. Shouto pushes himself off the futon and pads over, twisting the knob and bracing himself before pulling it open. Midoriya looks up at him with that blindingly bright smile and holds up his notebook. He’s wearing one of his All Might shirts that’s probably a decade old because it’s approximately two sizes too small for Midoriya’s newly defined body. The fabric hugs each and every curve, emphasizing the dips and hills of his muscles.
This is it, Shouto thinks. This is how I’m going to die.
He steps to the side to let Midoriya in and shuts the door gently behind him. He inhales through his nose, running his fingers through his hair. Breathe, Shouto. Calm down.
Midoriya sits down on Shouto’s futon and opens up his notebook. Shouto follows, opening his own book to yesterday’s notes and handing it over to Midoriya. He accepts it gratefully, their fingers brushing as he takes it from him.
“Thank you, Todoroki-kun!” He beams.
Shouto leans back and onto his hands, watching Midoriya in awe as he copies down the notes, occasionally praising Shouto for how neat and organized he is. Shouto’s lips quirk up as he stares up at the ceiling.
Whenever Midoriya is in front of him, smiling like that, he can’t help but remember how different his face looked when they had faced off at the first sports festival. His face was twisted in agony from his broken bones, but he still forced himself to curl his finger and send another wave of immense power in Shouto’s direction. There was blood leaking from his limbs, but he didn’t even seem to care. He didn’t even seem to notice.
Shouto looks back over at the present Midoriya. His teeth are piercing his bottom lip, eyebrows scrunched to meet the midline of his face. His mangled fingers with whitening scars laced around them grip tightly onto his pencil as incoherent mutters escape his mouth. He pauses and peeks up at Shouto through his eyelashes.
“What is it?” he asks with a soft smile.
Shouto shakes his head in dismissal. Midoriya looks unconvinced, but goes back to the notes anyway. Shouto continues to watch him.
He isn’t sure when he started searching for Midoriya in the crowds. He isn’t sure when he began craving Midoriya’s smile and touch. He isn’t sure when saying goodnight became bittersweet, only going to bed so he can speed up to the ‘good morning’. He isn’t sure when his feelings towards Midoriya went from being platonic to romantic.
He isn’t sure when he fell in love with Midoriya.
Looking back, it probably started right around their encounter with Stain. Him and Midoriya had barely had any interaction with each other aside from the sports festival, but Shouto should’ve known he was already falling when he received that notification on his phone. Midoriya’s name had popped up with nothing more than a location, but Shouto’s heart still jumped into his throat. It wasn’t a normal reaction, like had it been Iida or Yaoyorozu’s name to show up on his phone. Shouto felt fear pool at the pit of his stomach, suffocated by dread and anxiety. The only thing on his mind was that he had to keep Midoriya safe. Midoriya only sending his location without any other message made the back of Shouto’s neck pearl with sweat. His legs were already moving before he decided he needed to find him.
They stood next to each other, claiming to protect the others. He remembers the look on Midoriya’s face when Shouto had said that they’d protect them, the unspoken ‘together’ sitting heavily in the air. Midoriya had given him a determined smile, and Shouto had never felt more alive.
But Midoriya is good, and Shouto is damaged. Midoriya has done so much for him, and continues to help him every single day without even trying. Midoriya is the sunshine in the dark sky that is Shouto’s life. He deserves someone who’s just as bright as him; someone who will enhance his radiance. Midoriya shouldn’t have to feel obligated to pick up someone else’s broken pieces and try to tape everything back together. He deserves more than that. With all the baggage Shouto has, he could never—
“Todoroki-kun?”
Shouto blinks, flinching when he feels a stream of water trace his cheek and drip off his chin. He wants to look away from Midoriya’s big, round, concerned eyes; but, he can’t. Shouto doesn’t even move to wipe away the salty tear, too invested in Midoriya’s face inching closer by the second. He’s so close that Shouto can feel his breath fanning across his cheeks.
Midoriya has him under hypnosis, his scarred fingers reaching out, stopping just before they touch Shouto’s face. Shouto’s pulse rings in his ears, his breaths shallow. The skin covering his body is starting to become too warm for comfort.
Shouto uses what feels like all of his energy to tear his eyes away. The back of his throat aches. “Sorry,” he chokes.
“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” Midoriya replies as he hesitantly retracts his hand back to his side. “It’s just, um.” He focuses his attention on his hands, his thumb running across his calloused palm. “This might sound weird…”
“It’s fine.”
Midoriya inhales and exhales through his nose. He moves the notes to the side and scoots closer to Shouto. Shouto straightens his spine, taking his weight off of his hands.
“I hope you know how important you are to me, Todoroki-kun.” Shouto has to strain his ears to make out the mumbled words. “Since the time we first met to now, I think we’re a lot um, closer. Now.” He coughs into his fist before he moves his hand to scratch the back of his neck.
Shouto can’t fight the small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “I’d like to think we are.”
Midoriya returns the smile. “So, that means you can tell me if something is bothering you. You don’t have to or anything, but you can. It won’t… I’d never find anything you do bothersome, Todoroki-kun. You’ll never be a burden.”
The ache in Shouto’s throat intensifies, making it hard to breathe. He parts his lips as if to speak, but no words come out.
His heart is begging to tell Midoriya how he feels. He’s locked up these feelings for what feels like a century, and they rattle the bars of their cage everyday. Shouto is exhausted, but he never forgets the reason for chaining them down in the first place. He stares back into pools of emerald, his stomach rolling and churning as he desperately tries to swallow back the feelings that are dying to escape.
Midoriya being in his life at all is a privilege. The fact that he gets to call Midoriya a friend, a close and dear friend, is already more than he could ever ask for.
Midoriya deserves the world and more, and Shouto can’t be selfish when it comes to him.
“Thank you, Midoriya.” Shouto settles on that as he reaches up to touch his scar, quickly realizing what he’s doing and masking it by moving his fingers to his hair, brushing through the mismatched locks. “I appreciate your kindness, but there’s nothing to worry about.” He refuses to make eye contact, knowing how perceptive Midoriya is. He’d be able to catch him in the bluff with a single look.
There’s a beat of silence, and then a groan. Shouto raises his eyebrows, now looking at Midoriya in surprise. Midoriya is running his hands over his face as a strangled sound elicits from his throat.
He groans again. “I can’t do this anymore,” Midoriya whines, voice muffled by his hands. He lets them drop to his lap, eyes hesitantly peering over at Shouto’s face. Midoriya’s eyelashes flutter prettily, and Shouto nearly chokes on his own spit.
“Can’t do what anymore?” Shouto deserves a gold medal for keeping his voice steady. His tongue is heavy in his mouth as the boulder in his chest weighs him further down.
Midoriya moves closer to him and places a cautious hand on Shouto’s knee. His brain nearly short-circuits. Midoriya blinks up at him and gulps. Shouto watches his Adam’s apple bob up and down the length of his neck, shame pooling in his gut when he realizes how attractive he finds it.
“Todoroki-kun, I need to ask you something, and forgive me if I’m wrong and I’m just assuming things or something because I tend to read things wrong and misunderstand things so what I’m about to ask might sound really, really stupid and ridiculous and I don’t want you to be weirded out when—”
Shouto sighs, a hint of a smile finding its way onto his face. “Midoriya.”
Midoriya snaps his jaw shut, a flush of red coloring his freckled cheeks.
“S-sorry…” Midoriya giggles nervously. He sighs and clears his throat, seemingly bracing himself before looking back up into Shouto’s eyes. “Todoroki-kun, do you… do you like me?”
Shouto’s face remains stoic, but internally, he is screaming. “Of course I like you, Midoriya.”
Midoriya huffs out a laugh. “No, no, no, Todoroki-kun. I didn’t mean… I meant do you like me? Like… r-romantically…”
His mouth opens, but no words escape. Nothing but a small, strangled noise slips past his lips as he visibibly searches for an answer. Midoriya’s eyes show curiosity, concern, nervousness, and anticipation. They’re soft and filled with wonder, yet they feel like they’re piercing through Shouto’s soul.
“You don’t um, have to answer,” Midoriya finally says. Shouto feels his heart sink when a flash of hurt taints Midoriya’s features. “It’s just, uh, if I knew how you felt about me and stuff, it’d make this next part a lot easier.” Shouto blinks. Midoriya stares at him and the air is yanked from Shouto’s lungs because Midoriya is looking at him as if he’s something precious.
“Next part…” Shouto drifts off.
Midoriya swallows thickly and Shouto can feel the slight shake in his hand that still rests upon his knee. He wants to put his hand over it and squeeze it in comfort. Shouto watches Midoriya snag his trembling bottom lip between his teeth, and fights off the urge to lean in to kiss him.
“I like you, Todoroki-kun.”
Wait, what? Shouto is starting to grow extremely frustrated with himself and his inability to form proper words. There’s no way I heard that correctly.
“You did,” Midoriya says with a gentle laugh, making Shouto come to the mortifying realization that he’d said that thought aloud. “I like you, um, a lot. Honestly.” Midoriya lets out another laugh, laced with nerves.
Shouto goes stiff. “You… you can’t.” Midoriya looks at him, clearly not expecting the reaction. “No, Midoriya. This… you can’t. That’s not… what’s supposed to happen…” He runs a hand over his face.
“Supposed to happen? What are you talking about?” All of the anxiousness Midoriya had previously felt melted away, being replaced with confusion.
Shouto bites back a groan. He avoids Midoriya’s eyes like the plague, opting to focus on his hand and the way his fingernails pierce the skin of his palm. He hates this. He hates this, because he doesn’t hate this. His heart is doing somersaults and his chest is filled with so much warmth and he hates that he wants to hear Midoriya say it again.
“You can’t feel that way towards someone like me,” he finally says, voice strained.
“Someone like you?” The genuine confusion in Midoriya’s tone makes Shouto’s heart only crave him more. How unfair. “I don’t understand… what do you mean someone like you?”
Shouto clenches his jaw, teeth pressing down on each other so hard that they might actually shatter. “Someone… broken,” he whispers. “You shouldn’t have to feel obligated to fix something you didn’t break. It isn’t your responsibility, and you deserve someone who will make you happy and—”
An uncharacteristic yelp shoots from Shouto’s mouth when Midoriya slaps his hands on either side of Shouto’s face. His cheeks sting and tingle, but Shouto barely feels it because Midoriya is looking at him with shining eyes and rivers of salty tears outlining his crimson red, freckled cheeks. Shouto holds his breath as broken whimpers pour from Midoriya’s lips.
“You’re so stupid.” Midoriya shakes his head incredulously. “You’re making it sound like you’re some type of project — like you’re a broken machine and I’m a mechanic and like it’s my job or something to fix you.”
“Midoriya—”
“Shut up for a second,” he says, a wobbly smile on his face. “You, Todoroki Shouto, are not a broken toy,” he breathes out, his hands still holding Shouto’s face. His thumb brushes the scarred skin of his left side. Shouto widens his eyes. “You, Todoroki Shouto, are strong. You are a hard worker. You are kind and you are caring. You are incredible.” Midoriya has slowly gotten closer with each statement, his forehead resting on Shouto’s. “You, Todoroki Shouto, are beautiful.”
Shouto has to bite the inside of his cheek to stop the sob clawing its way up his throat. “This isn’t—”
“Don’t,” Midoriya says, his heavy exhale of breath washing over Shouto’s burning cheeks. “Stop acting like you’re the only one that has a say in this.” He presses his forehead further into Shouto’s, their noses bumping each other. “I like you, Todoroki-kun. Do you like me?”
Neither of them speak, the sounds of their pounding hearts and shallow breathing filling the room. The thoughts occupying his mind tumbled together in a tangled mess. Heat spreads through his chest and spills down to the pit of his stomach.
“I do,” he manages to choke out, voice low and coarse.
Dimples pierce Midoriya’s cheeks as a relieved grin grows on his face, and then Midoriya’s lips are slotted against his. Midoriya swallows Shouto’s gasp, hands cradling his face and calloused thumbs brushing across his cheeks.
Shouto’s soul returns back to his body and he pushes his lips further into Midoriya’s. He hums against Shouto’s lips, making Shouto nearly shiver with excitement. He’s never kissed anyone before, and it’s clear Midoriya hasn’t either. Their inexperience shows, but it makes the whole experience more endearing. It’s genuine and overflowing with passion and love and want for each other. The feeling of Midoriya’s lips pressed against his is probably a feeling similar to being high. He’s dizzy, his head spinning and his pulse going into overdrive. It’s new and unfamiliar, but Shouto is already addicted to it. It feels as if he should’ve been kissing Midoriya his whole life.
Reluctantly, Midoriya pulls away to catch his breath. His breaths come and leave in short puffs, emerald eyes as bright as the gem staring into gray and blue. Shouto’s body moves on its own, leaning forward to press a chaste kiss upon Midoriya’s swollen lips.
“That was my first kiss,” Midoriya mumbles, a soft giggle leaving him.
“Mine too.” Shouto’s lips turn up to reveal a small smile.
“I’m glad it was with you,” Midoriya admits, flicking his eyes between the two different colored irises.
“Me too,” he agrees again. “I hope I’m your last,” he says before he can stop himself, clamping his teeth down on his tongue. Oh my God, did I really just—
“Me too,” Midoriya whispers, washing all of Shouto’s insecurities away with two words and a crooked smile. “Me too.”