Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Q was omnipotent to begin with - and to end with, and at all points in between. It is this one thing you must remember, or all that follows will seem wonderful, and that would be giving Q entirely too much credit. His head is already swollen quite enough - I should know, I've been putting up with his shenanigans for as long as I care to remember, and that's a very long time.

Where was I? Ah, yes, Q was omnipotent to begin with. Annoying, mischievous, and besotted by a human woman, red-haired and stubborn as Q himself. Honestly, I tried to convince him he was wasting his time with her - again and again I made him watch as the human woman and another man were stranded on a planet together, and she broke the man's heart. I tried to convince Q that she would do the same to him if he tried to woo her.

In the end, I thought I succeeded, and for a time Q and I were happy with q. We were so happy, in fact, that Q decided that his human red-head was in need of similar happiness. Which is how he dragged me into this mess.

If I could kill him, I would.

'I swear, Chakotay, if I see one more Christmas tree or candy cane appear in the mess hall, I'll send Neelix to the brig. And I'll turn off the heating; he can freeze to death for all I care!'

'Humbug?' said Chakotay, holding out a dish of striped candy.

'Thanks,' replied Kathryn, taking one. 'He gets to celebrate Prixin and hold parties when the dilithium crystals are re-charged - why does he need to have a Christmas party as well?' Kathryn continued her complaint, flinging padds across her desk as she did so.

'Because it's months since Prixin and the dilithium crystals haven't been recharged in a year. The crew needs a chance to celebrate - something, anything! A chance to let off steam. To live, rather than just endlessly sleep, repair systems, eat, and sleep again.'

'It's a waste of resources, Chakotay. Resources we don't have. Besides - we've got holodecks. They can let off steam there, without the trouble of a big celebration.'

'Since when did you turn into Ebeneezer Scrooge?'

'Who?' Kathryn finally looked up from the piles of work on her desk, and made eye contact with Chakotay for a second or two.

'Ebeneezer Scrooge - a character in an old Earth story who hated Christmas. You should read it. I'm sure it will be on the database.'

'I don't have the time to read stories at the moment, Chakotay,' said Kathryn, going back to searching through the padds on her desk.

'Pity. I think you'd enjoy it. In fact, I'm surprised you haven't heard of it. Charles Dickens was one of the greatest writers of his day.'

'Why should that mean that I know of him?' asked Kathryn, without really paying any attention.

'He wrote around the same time as that holonovel you love so much.'

'Just a minute,' said Kathryn, placing a padd on top of a precarious pile, and looking up at Chakotay without taking another padd to begin working on. 'Charles Dickens? Of course I've heard of him. Why were you asking?'

Chakotay sighed. 'Did you hear a word of what I've been saying for the past few minutes?'

'Umm...something about Christmas carols?' she replied, smiling at him.

Chakotay shrugged. 'Something like that. What are all those padds?'

'Reports I have to check off; B'Elanna's latest theories for incorporating Borg technology; Seven's objections to said theories,' said Kathryn, pointing to each pile, 'Oh, and Neelix's requisitions for resources for his ridiculous Christmas party idea.'

'Kathryn, you need a break from all this. That Christmas party might be just what you need.'

'No. Not a Christmas party. Prixin I can cope with. Not Christmas.' She picked up another padd from B'Elanna's pile. 'You take Neelix's requests if you want the party to go ahead. I really don't want anything more to do with it.'

'Fine,' said Chakotay, lifting the pile. 'I'll have a look at this in the morning. It's late - I'm off to get some sleep.'

'Goodnight,' replied Kathryn, off-hand, as she heard the readyroom doors close. She saw the small dish of candies still on the desk - 'Chakotay!' She didn't bother calling a second time. He was long gone by now, and if he was silly enough to leave candies with her, he shouldn't be surprised if she ate them. She picked one up and popped it into her mouth. 'Hmm - humbug,' she said thoughtfully, as she turned back to B'Elanna's report.

Q and I watched this conversation. At various points, Q had nudged me and whispered, 'See what I mean, he's perfect for her! Well, not quite as good as I would have been...' He didn't have a chance to say more than that due to a sudden pain in his ribs. But in the end, I agreed. Janeway was stressed, and probably lonely. And she was my son's godmother. She had been isolated from the rest of this crew for their entire journey - six years - and only once had she thought of herself before thinking of the crew. And even then, she had merely ended more lonely than ever.

Besides, the human male had reminded us of something...

There was something sharp digging into her cheek. Her neck hurt. All in all, she was very uncomfortable.

With a start, Kathryn sat up, knocking two padds to the floor in the process. She'd fallen asleep at her desk - no wonder she was so uncomfortable.

'Computer, time?'

'The time is 1230 hours.'

Late. Not so late that she couldn't go back to her own quarters to sleep, but then she would find it hard to come back here early in the morning as she should. Kathryn stood up and took a blanket and pillow from a cupboard near her desk. It wouldn't be the first time she had slept on her readyroom sofa. It wasn't entirely comfortable, but it was better than the floor, and it was certainly better than sitting in the chair with her head on the desk.

'Computer, set wake up call for 0500 hours.'

'Wake up call set.'

Kathryn lay down, covering herself with the blanket. 'Lights off.'

Though her eyes were closed, she thought there was a flash of light in the room. But when she opened her eyes, the readyroom was in darkness, the light from the stars outside the viewports insufficient to illuminate the room much. Satisfied, she closed her eyes again.

'Kathy, Kathy, Kathy,' said a voice in the darkness.

Kathryn would have known that voice anywhere. She sat up. 'Q. Computer, lights.'

'Aw, Kathy, why spoil the fun?' said Q, who was perched on Kathryn's desk, tossing something up and down in his hand.

'Get off my ship!' Kathryn flung the blanket aside and walked over to him, hands on her hips.

'I repeat, why spoil all the fun?' said Q.

'I'm not having any fun,' said Kathryn, 'and you are leaving.'

'Hmm,' said Q to himself. 'Obviously this wasn't the right approach. Let's see...' and the omnipotent assumed a thoughtful expression, studying Kathryn carefully.

'What do you want, Q?'

'Nothing but to help you, Kathy.'

'Right,' she responded doubtfully.

Q stared at some point above Kathryn's head and spoke to the air. 'Are you sure this was the right way to do this? No knee-breeches, holly, carollers - no Chuckles freezing in the corner?' He paused, then nodded reluctantly. 'Oh, all right then. But I'm sure you're wrong.' He turned back to Kathryn, who was more than accustomed to Q, even if she would rather he never turned up again. 'Listen carefully to me, my dear,' he said, as though speaking to a child, and ignoring the dangerous spark in her eyes. 'You will be visited three times over the next three nights. Your visitors have been sent to...enlighten...you. To give you a chance at happiness'

'What are you talking about, Q? I'm happy.'

'Really? I don't think so.'

'Then stop thinking, and get off my ship.'

'You have a real attitude problem, Kathy.'

Given such an opening, Kathryn couldn't help but try out a line she'd heard B'Elanna use to Seven the week before. 'I don't have an attitude problem - you have a perception problem.'

Q's eyes narrowed, then he went back to staring above Kathryn's head. 'We have our work cut out for us here.' Then his focus shifted back to Kathryn. 'Without these visits,' said Q, 'you cannot hope ever to attain true happiness. Expect the first tonight.'

'Obviously I'm not going to get rid of you easily,' said Kathryn. 'Couldn't they all visit at once, and have it over, Q?'

'Sorry, Kathy. Expect the next tomorrow night, and the third, at midnight on the next night. No doubt you'll still be up and working. Now, go back to bed, and get some sleep. You'll need it in the next few days. Believe me.'

Kathryn did not intend to be cosseted. 'Why should I believe you, Q?'

'Because I'm omnipotent and you're not.'

'And your point is...?' But despite her snappy comeback, Kathryn was beginning to feel very, very tired, which was about the only reason she let Q lead her over to the sofa and tuck the blanket around her.

'Sweet dreams, Kathy,' he said, and the lights went out. 'Expect the first bell when the Q tolls one,' said Q's voice, echoing around the readyroom.

'What?' said Kathryn. 'Oh, never mind,' she said, and pulled the blanket up to her shoulders and tried to go back to sleep.

* * *

For an omnipotent, he has a lousy memory. It took enough coaching for him to get it right the first time. You'd think the line would have stuck for a measly five hundred years.

Chapter Text

'ONE!' boomed a voice, loud enough to wake Kathryn from her sleep.

'What? What?' she asked, as she jumped up from the sofa. There was a gentle tinkling noise as something fell to the floor.

'Computer, lights.'

The first thing Kathryn saw was the tiny gold bell lying on the floor. The second thing she saw was a figure in a Starfleet cadet uniform. It was a strange figure - like a child; yet not so like a child as like an old man, viewed through some supernatural medium, which gave it the appearance of having receded from the view, and being diminished to a child's proportions. Its hair, which hung about its neck and down its back, was white, as if with age; and yet the face had not a wrinkle in it, and the tenderest bloom was on the skin.

Almost at the moment when Kathryn had taken in all these details, the figure itself changed slightly. The hair darkened and shortened, and the figure spoke. 'Good morning, Aunt Kathy.'

'q. Well,' said Kathryn without much enthusiasm, 'haven't you grown?'

'Yes, Godmother, I have. It tends to happen.'

'Nice to see you - can I go back to sleep?'

'Sorry, Aunt Kathy,' said q. 'Come, walk with me. We're going for a little trip.' He reached out a hand, and Kathryn, slightly doubtful still, took it. Immediately there was a flash of light. Kathryn blinked her eyes in confusion.

'q - we're still in my readyroom. Are you sure your powers are up to this?'

q frowned. 'Aunty...I know what I'm doing. Look.' He pointed to the desk. Behind it sat Kathryn - a Kathryn six years younger, with longish hair pulled up severely into a bun at the back of her head. One thing certainly hadn't changed - the look of stress on each Kathryn's face matched almost exactly.

'When is this - where is this?' asked Kathryn - the Kathryn with q.

'Just watch, Aunt Kathy,' said q. 'I'm sure you'll work it out.'

The Kathryn from years gone by switched off her desk console, picked up her cup of coffee, and moved to sit down on the sofa under the readyroom window and stared out at the stars. The doorchime rang, and she called out, 'Come in.'

The door opened and a younger Chakotay came into the room. It was before he had begun 'regenerating' his hair, so there were distinguished touches of gray at his temples - and Kathryn thought, dispassionately, that he really had been a bit better looking then. Then Chakotay began to speak to the other Kathryn, and she stopped studying his appearance, and started paying attention to what he was saying.

'Captain,' he began, 'I've brought the next list of "recruits" for Lieutenant Tuvok's Academy classes.' He finished the sentence with a grin.

The other Kathryn inclined her head to invite him to sit down on the sofa. He sat on the other side of the coffee table, and shook his head when she offered him some coffee from the antique pot on the table. She stretched out her hand for the padd he carried, and he gave it to her.

'I hear our first class survived, more or less,' she said, taking a sip of her coffee.

Chakotay grinned and nodded. 'I have a feeling Chell is never going to look me in the eye again.'

'Well - who is the next lucky group?' As they discussed Tuvok's Academy, the q turned to his Godmother.

'Well?'

'Our first Christmas in the Alpha Quadrant. Considering we'd been out here for months, I guess we were pretty happy. There'd been problems with Chakotay's people...'

'But?' prompted q.

Kathryn sighed and watched her younger self. 'He was already becoming my best friend.' She smiled, watching as Chakotay got up from the sofa and headed toward the door. As he reached it, he turned.

'Merry Christmas, Captain,' he said, his smile showing his dimples.

The younger Kathryn smiled back. 'Merry Christmas, Chakotay.'

There was a flash of light, and this time the scenery changed. 'Let's look at another Christmas, Aunt Kathy,' said the q. 'Of course, we don't have many to choose from...'

The light around them faded, and Kathryn looked around at a barren landscape, a volcano erupting in the distance. At q's second comment she turned toward him. 'What are you talking about?'

'Don't worry. Just show me where we're going around here. I've been given less than useful instructions for this part.'

Kathryn gave her godson a Look, but he'd obviously been well trained by his parents. The young omnipotent quailed, but stood his ground. Kathryn led him almost unerringly to the caves where the Starfleet personnel had made camp. 'Do you have any idea what's going on here, q, or were your "instructions" hazy on that, too?'

'Your crew was marooned here by the Kazon and an ex-crew member, Seska. Father said he never met her, but she struck him as a particularly "dastardly" example of an Alpha Quadrant inhabitant.'

'"Dastardly"' mused Kathryn. 'One of the better descriptions of Seska I've heard. That's pretty much right. Now, if I'm correct, my counterpart ought to be...here,' she finished, stopping outside the entrance.

'Well, what are you waiting for?' said q, moving past Kathryn and into the cave. Reluctantly, Kathryn followed him.

As before, the Kathryn of this time was alone. Again, her hair was styled differently. In fact, styled is the wrong word - it was actually hacked off at all different lengths, and looked extremely un-Captainlike. She was crouched over a fire, stirring something in a bowl, stopping occasionally to taste it. She sat back on her heels and brushed back the uneven strands of hair.

'I was exhausted,' said Kathryn under her breath. 'I never imagined this was going to be the happiest Christmas I'd have in years.'

q put an arm around her shoulders and hugged her. 'Poor Aunt Kathy,' he said kindly. Kathryn smiled and leaned her head on his shoulder for a moment. But when Chakotay came into the cave, holding a parcel behind his back, she straightened again. They both watched quietly as the 'gifts' were exchanged - hairclips for a woman who didn't have enough hair left to use them, and mushroom soup, all Kathryn had been able to think of to give Chakotay. At the end of the meal, Chakotay leant across to kiss Kathryn on the cheek, but Kathryn heard a noise outside the cave and turned her head. In a scene that Kathryn the elder would have found amusing if it hadn't been her younger self involved, Chakotay's kiss instead brushed the younger Kathryn's lips. Both stopped in shock, and then as the yells from outside the cave increased, they both gratefully got up, and without looking at each other, rushed out of the cave.

The elder Kathryn was biting her lower lip.

'What's wrong, Aunt Kathy?' asked q.

'It wasn't supposed to happen that way,' said Kathryn, more to herself than to her godson.

q didn't ask any questions, but looked at his Godmother quietly. Then he raised his arm and light flashed around the pair.

He has more sense than I give him credit for, that boy. Then again, he is my son. At least half of his make up is far above the average Q.

Kathryn and q reappeared in a set of darkened crew quarters.

'My quarters,' Kathryn said softly.

'Do you know what we're going to find here, Aunt Kathy?'

Kathryn nodded. 'A very depressed, very tired, very unhappy version of me. This was Christmas, three, no two years ago, q. In the Void. Darkness, no stars, no anomalies.'

'Wouldn't this be a perfect time for a Christmas party?' asked q.

'Oh, they're having one,' said Kathryn, her voice dull. 'They invited me - I refused to come. I was having too good a time enjoying being miserable.'

By this time their eyes had adjusted to the lack of light, and Kathryn could make out a figure huddled in the chair, staring out the viewport. A mug of coffee stood next to her, still full, and she had wrapped herself up in a Starfleet issue blanket. There were tearstains on her face, which caught what little light there was.

'Get up, Janeway,' Kathryn said sternly to her younger self. Kathryn stood directly in front of the woman in the chair, and hands on her hips, ordered herself to go to the Christmas party. 'It will do you a world of good. It's only what any decent counsellor on board this ship would tell you. You'll only make things worse by staying here all by yourself,' Kathryn finished.

'She can't hear you,' said q.

'I know that, thank you,' said Kathryn, 'but I hoped I might get through to her.'

q's eyes took on the unfocussed look that Q's had earlier in the ready room. Then he looked back at Kathryn. 'Sorry, but at this stage, we can't allow you to do anything to alter the timeline. Besides, say she does what you tell her to now. I might not have had to come to visit you, then.'

'I'm not convinced that's a bad thing.'

'Please, Aunty, just play along.'

Kathryn's face softened at her godson's plea. 'All right, q - for you, and certainly NOT for your father's sake. Where to next?'

'We haven't finished here yet,' he replied.

The doorchime rang, and the Kathryn in the armchair started. 'Just a minute,' she said, her voice, so long unused, croaking slightly. She reached up to brush away the last traces of tears, then told the computer to open the door. She didn't get out of her chair.

'Kathryn,' said Chakotay, scolding her gently. 'You're missing Neelix's Christmas Party.'

'No,' she replied firmly, 'YOU are missing Neelix's Christmas Party. I never intended to come.'

'Are you all right?' asked Chakotay, moving into the room to stand in front of her chair.

The older Kathryn shook her head in disbelief. 'He can be so thick sometimes,' she said to q.

'I'm fine, Chakotay. I'm just not in the mood for Christmas - or parties.'

'We all miss you. Come on - it would be good for you to get out and see people. It would do you a world of good. Staying in here will only make things worse in the long run.'

The older Kathryn grinned. 'Okay, so maybe he's not that thick.'

But the younger Kathryn shook her head vehemently. 'Go back to the party, Chakotay. Make my apologies - tell them I'm busy on a special project.'

'One of these days they'll demand to know what's going on.'

'Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof,' returned Kathryn without any emotion in her voice. 'Now, go.'

'Aye, Captain.'

Chakotay turned back into the room as the door opened. 'Merry Christmas, Kathryn.' He waited for a reply, but there was none.

Talk about your sledgehammer tactics. But this was Kathryn Janeway we were dealing with. She has been known, on occasion, to use sledgehammer tactics herself, and nothing less would have an impact on her.

Everything little q threw at her, she had an answer for. She could see that two years ago, she had been depressed and lonely, but the way she saw it, she was fine then and there. She hadn't been shutting herself away in her quarters, ignoring her work. She'd been working harder than ever.

So I told q there would be a slight change in the itinerary.

From the moment the light faded around her, Kathryn knew where she was. She could smell it in the air.

'Indiana,' she said, breathlessly. Leaving q behind entirely, she started walking along the road.

'Where are you going?' he asked.

'Home,' she replied. 'It's just around the corner. I'd swear I know every tree,' she said, reaching her hands out to brush the frosted leaves. 'When is this, q? How long ago?'

'I'm sure you can work that out,' said q. 'Father says you're intelligent - for a human.'

Kathryn tried the Look again - this time q actually shrank back a little. Satisfied, Kathryn kept walking down the road until she turned into the yard of a pretty white farmhouse. It was a modern design, and because of that, managed to blend into the general landscape quite well. Being white, it blended in almost too well with the snow, but as every window was lined with tiny coloured lights, there was no question of missing the house. In the yard in front of the house was -

'A snow Klingon!' exclaimed q, reverting to childhood - literally. 'Oh, Aunty Kathy, how cute!' q was now about eight years old in appearance, and was capering around, kicking the snow and turning cartwheels, oblivious to the fact that his hands, buried in the snow, were bare.. Kathryn smiled, until q began gathering snow for a snowball and hurled it at her.

'q!'

'Oh, come on, Aunt,' q said in his more grown up voice. 'It can't hurt. It's just a little snow fight.'

As if on cue, two little girls came around the corner of the house, bundled up in winter gear, including woollen mittens on strings around their necks. The smaller girl lagged behind the older one, and was quickly gathering some snow into a ball. 'Kadi!' she called out. The older girl turned and was hit squarely in the face.

'I'll get you for that, Bibi.'

Soon the snowballs were flying. One errant snowball hit the window instead of its target, and within a minute, the door to the house slid open, framing a woman whose resemblance to Kathryn was startling. She had the same blue eyes, and the same rusty-red coloured hair, and was only a little stouter, and a little older.

'Girls! Come on - you've had your fun. It's time to come in and clean up. Your cousins will be here soon.'

Kathryn and q followed the little girls into the house. As soon as they were inside, their senses were bombarded with things Christmasy. The smell of a real spruce tree, the spicy smells of Christmas baking, carols playing over the computer. The light from candles on the dining room table, and the sight of pine branches and holly wound over the banisters. The two girls had pulled off their coats and hats and mittens and ran upstairs. The younger one was blond and blue-eyed, the older one had bright red-brown hair with those same blue eyes. Their mother stood at the foot of the stairs and called up to them, 'Put on those new dresses we just made, then come down to help me with the table.'

q leaned toward Kathryn. 'Let's go forward in time a little.'

There was no flash of light this time - the scene around them just shimmered a little, and then cleared. Kathryn and q turned around to watch the family farewell their guests. The little girls were in almost identical dresses - the only difference was the colour. The red-head was dressed in blue, the blond girl in red. Both dresses were trimmed at the neck, waist, cuffs and hem with white lace. As soon as they had waved the guests goodbye, the girls ran to sit beside the Christmas tree. Their parents followed more slowly, the father's arm around the mother's waist. They smiled contentedly as they sat down together.

'All right, Phoebe, you can hand out the gifts now.'

The blond girl dove under the tree to bring out the first present. She handed them out with great ceremony, and her older sister became impatient.

'Mom, she's too slow! Let me do it.'

'Kathryn, you know it's Phoebe's turn this year,' said her father.

'But she'll take forever!' said the little Kathryn, standing up and putting her hands on her hips. 'I'd do it much better. I'd be efficient!'

'Kathryn, it's Christmas,' said her mother. 'No scenes.'

The little Kathryn dropped down onto the floor and sulked for a minute. Phoebe dropped a present in her lap. 'Happy Chris'mas, Kadi,' she said, smiling sweetly.

"Kadi" smiled reluctantly, then reached over and hugged her sister. 'Happy Christmas, Bibi.'

'Kadi and Bibi - how cute!' said q, who had finally reverted to his Cadet-aged self.

Kathryn laughed. 'Until Phoebe was five she had dreadful trouble with my name. Kadi was easier to say. I got revenge by calling her Bibi, though. She still hates it when I call her that.'

q looked at Kathryn with a little envy. 'I wish I had a little brother or sister. It looks fun.'

Kathryn looked back at him. 'Don't mention that to your parents. I don't want to go through all that again.'

'All what?'

'Never mind.'

Phoebe had finished handing out the presents and the family had begun to open them. The mother opened a long flat box. 'Oh, Edward,' she said breathlessly, picking up the strands of pearls. 'It's beautiful! But when do I ever wear something like this?'

'That doesn't matter,' he replied. 'I wanted you to have it.' He leaned over and kissed her.

Kadi watched her parents with a smile on her face. So did Kathryn, but there were tears in her eyes. 'I miss him so much,' she said shakily. 'And Mom, and Phoebe. Why did any of this ever happen?'

Light flashed around them and they were back in Kathryn's readyroom, complete with the blanket and pillow, lying on the sofa.

'These are just the shadows of things that have been, Aunt Kathy. That they are what they are, do not blame me. I know you miss them. I'm so sorry for you.'

But Kathryn wasn't in a mood to talk. 'Please, q, leave me.'

q bent down and kissed his godmother on the cheek. 'I'll come back and visit sometime.' In a flash of light, he disappeared.

Kathryn sank down on the sofa, her head in her hands. The sound of her father's voice flooded back into her mind, and her shoulders heaved, though no tears fell.

'No,' she said to herself. 'I can't bear it.'

Poor q. He was so upset - he had tried everything he could to keep her from crying. She held the tears off, I will admit, but she was closer to actual weeping than she'd been in a long time. q and I watched her, just to make sure she didn't do anything silly. Eventually she lay back down on the sofa, wrapped the blanket around her, and went to sleep.

A few moments of temporal tinkering later, it was time for phase two.

Chapter Text

'TWO!'

'Oh, no, not again,' said Kathryn, pulling her blanket over her head and burrowing into the sofa. However, apart from the voice intoning the either the time or perhaps the number of the next visitor, nothing happened. Kathryn was quite used to the ways of Q, and despite the blanket over her head, was really quite prepared for a good broad field of strange appearances, and nothing between a Borg baby and a Vulcan Sehlat would have astonished her very much. This was Q she was dealing with, after all.

Being prepared for almost anything, she was not by any means prepared for nothing; and consequently, when the echo of the voice had faded, and she had taken the blanket from her head, and still nothing had appeared, she grew worried. Five minutes, ten minutes, a quarter of an hour went by, yet nothing came. There was, however, a brighter light than usual visible in the crack under the door to the bridge. When Kathryn thought hard about it, there shouldn't have been a crack under the door. Starfleet engineering and construction was better than that. Kathryn got up, and leaving the blanket tangled on the floor, moved toward the door.

The moment she was within range of the sensors, a voice called her name from the other side of the door, and asked her to come in. She obeyed.

It was her own readyroom. There was no doubt about that. But it had undergone a surprising transformation. The walls were hung with the crisp leaves of holly, mistletoe and ivy, which reflected the light back as if so many mirrors had been hung there. Heaped up on the floor, to form a kind of throne, were coffee beans, and Kathryn's chin dropped open - partially in surprise and partially to drool at the sight of all that coffee. Balanced easily on this precarious couch was q's mother, dressed in the uniform of a Starfleet Commodore.

'Come in!' said Q, 'Come in, and know me better, Kathryn. Oh, and by the way - catch!' She tossed a tiny gold bell, identical to the one Kathryn had been brought by q, in Kathryn's direction. Kathryn caught it, and looking around this version of her readyroom, saw that the first bell was still sitting next to her desk console. Not knowing what else to do, she placed the second one next to it. Then she turned back to Q, who was lounging in the coffee beans as though she were Cleopatra on a silken couch.

'How lovely to see you here, Q,' said Kathryn, not bothering to disguise her sarcasm.

'Charmed, I'm sure,' replied Q. 'Here, something else for you.' A steaming cup of coffee appeared in Kathryn's hand. At the same time, the coffee bean couch disappeared, and Q stood by Kathryn's own sofa, arms crossed and obviously impatient.

'Drink up,' said Q. 'I know you won't be able to function properly without it, and you and I have a lot to do.'

'What are you, my mother?'

'No, dear - I am delighted to tell you that you have no Q ancestry, thank goodness. By the way - you upset my son.'

'Well, he upset me.'

'Tit for tat - what a childish concept.'

'Put up with it. You've woken me up at what - two in the morning? You can't expect me to be polite.'

'I don't expect, I demand.'

'Fine!' Kathryn went back to drinking her coffee. 'Mmm, this is really good! I haven't had coffee this good since...well, since I last had real coffee, six years ago.'

'You don't say! Hold on to your mug - you can finish that on the way.'

Holly, mistletoe, berries, all vanished instantly. So did the room, desk, bells, and viewports, and they stood in the corridor outside the messhall on Christmas morning. From inside the messhall came noises of childish joy. Q led Kathryn inside to see Naomi and Mezoti decorating the walls of the messhall with paper chains. At one of the tables sat Samantha Wildman and Neelix, chatting over a cup of one of Neelix's coffee substitutes. Samantha was cutting coloured paper into strips ready for the two girls. Neelix was forming tiny balls from some bright pink mixture, and shoving little brown sticks into them. Icheb was in the kitchen, mixing a batch of cookie dough while keeping an eye on Rebi and Azan, who were speedily plaiting Danish heart baskets.

'How are those baskets going, boys?' asked Neelix. 'These sugar plums are almost ready. How do they look?' he asked, turning to Samantha.

'Good, Neelix,' she replied, picking one up and popping it in her mouth. 'Yum,' she said, in raptures. 'Considering all the substitutions you've had to make to the ingredients, these are fantastic.'

Naomi ran to their table. 'Mom - can Mezoti and I have some?'

'Just one each. We have to leave enough for everyone who comes to the party.'

Naomi bit into hers, and her eyes grew wide. 'They're JUST like Grandma made them.'

'Well, thank you, Naomi. What do you think, Mezoti?'

The young Borg child was chewing methodically. 'It is very pleasant,' she said at last. 'What do you call them? Sugar prunes?'

Samantha laughed. 'No - sugar plums. They're made out of marzipan.'

'Mom?' asked Naomi.

'What, honey?' asked Samantha.

'Do you think the Captain will do her sugar plum dance for us at the party?'

'How does Naomi know about my ballet?' Kathryn asked Q.

'The dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy? I don't know,' said Samantha. 'Have you asked her?'

'No,' said Naomi.

'Well, how will she know that you'd like to see her dance if you don't ask her?'

'But I haven't seen her for days!' said Naomi. 'All she does is work and work and work.'

'It's true,' said Neelix. 'Captain Janeway has been working entirely too hard recently.'

'Has anyone seen her?' asked Icheb, from the kitchen. 'I know Seven hasn't.'

'She does her usual bridge shift,' said Samantha, 'but afterwards she always goes back to her readyroom and works.'

'I haven't had an RSVP about the Christmas party yet,' said Neelix. 'And it's on tonight. Mr Chakotay said that he was going to do the approvals.'

'Christmas is a hard time for a lot of us, Neelix,' said Sam, putting a hand on his. 'The Captain probably has a lot of memories of family Christmases - and holidays with her fiance - that don't make this time of year easy. Maybe the best way she can deal with that grief is through working too hard, and ignoring Christmas altogether.'

'How do you deal with it, Sam?' Neelix asked.

Naomi and Mezoti had gone back to their decorating. Icheb was still listening, almost as intently as Kathryn and Q were.

'By making Christmas as happy as possible for my daughter, and for the other children. They're only just learning about Christmas. There's no reason for them to be burdened by the sad side of Christmas. It's still magic to them.'

'Does the magic die?' asked Icheb.

'Yes, it does,' said Kathryn. Q looked at her sharply.

'Yes, it does,' said Samantha, sadly. 'But the magic comes back again when you have children to prepare for. And if the magic doesn't quite come back, the joy and excitement certainly do.'

Icheb left the kitchen and sat down with Neelix and Samantha. 'I was thinking I should get presents for the children,' he said in an undertone.

'That's wonderful!' said Neelix. 'The more presents under the tree tonight the better this party will be.'

'Do you have any ideas?' asked Sam.

'Come,' said Q, before Kathryn could hear Icheb's ideas. 'We have much yet to do and see.'

As Q led the way to the door, Kathryn reached out a hand to one of the sugar plums abandoned by Rebi and Azan, but her fingers passed straight through it. Kathryn sighed.

'Don't worry, my dear,' said Q. 'There will be plenty at the party.' Kathryn followed her through the door into the corridor - except that they ended up back in the mess hall, in the middle of Neelix's Christmas party.

Well, it was time to beard the lion in its den - or rather, insist that Kathryn do so. This particular lion was handsome, I will admit. Exceedingly handsome. With a dimpled, surprised-looking, capital face; a ripe little mouth, that seemed made to be kissed - as no doubt it would have been, had Kathryn ever come to her senses; all kinds of good little dots about his chin, that melted into one another when he laughed; and the choclatiest pair of eyes you ever saw in any little human creature's head. Altogether he was what would have called provoking, you know; but satisfactory, too. Oh, perfectly satisfactory.

Get a hold of yourself, Q, you're married, and mother of a young child!

Kathryn hadn't seen this many happy faces on Voyager for quite some time. Neelix had outdone himself this time, and Kathryn was divided between feeling sorry that she was missing her chance to attend this party bodily, and being grateful that she could at least attend it this way.

It was a strange feeling to be at a party and yet not be at a party. It gave you tremendous freedom to eavesdrop, Kathryn discovered. As usual for this type of social occasion, the Doctor and Seven were standing to one side, not quite part of the jollity, yet enjoying their observations. Seven was dressed for the occasion in a new holly-green jumpsuit, and pinned to her shoulder was a concoction of red, green and silver paper.

'Your corsage is impressive, Seven,' said the Doctor.

'It is a gift from Mezoti and Naomi - it is intended to represent an earth flower - a poinsettia, I believe.'

'The terrible two have done a good job. You are lucky to be given presents,' said the Doctor.

'You do not expect any gifts today?' asked Seven.

'No,' said the Doctor. 'I do not believe the crew value me to the extent of giving me gifts.'

'You may be "in for a surprise",' said Seven. When the Doctor looked at her quizzically, she shrugged. 'A phrase Ensign Wildman introduced me to,' she said.

Kathryn smiled at this sign of Seven's growing ability to converse normally, and moved on. A huge Christmas tree stood in the far corner of the room, covered with decorations. Neelix was standing next to it, directing newcomers where to place their gifts; though the tree had been placed on an antigrav unit to allow presents to be piled under it as well as around it, the parcels that were already there threatened to disrupt the antigrav field, and Neelix was having to find more space. The children, watched over by Icheb, were huddled around the tree, examining every gift as it was placed on the floor. They could only look at them, but Mezoti, Rebi and Azan's remaining Borg abilities meant that their guesses as to weight and material were surprisingly accurate. Tom Paris and Harry Kim looked almost as excited as the children.

'Children make Christmas so much more special,' said B'Elanna from behind Kathryn. Kathryn turned around to see her Chief Engineer and her First Officer sitting at a table, each with a cup of eggnog. 'And I think Tom is the biggest kid of them all,' B'Elanna finished, smiling.

Chakotay didn't smile, and in fact didn't seem to have heard.

'Chakotay? Hey - are you listening?'

'Sure,' he replied, after a moment's hesitation. 'Tom's the biggest kid on board Voyager.'

'I don't think that took too much listening,' said B'Elanna. 'What's up?'

Kathryn looked around the room for Q, didn't see her, and then sat down on a conveniently placed chair to listen to this conversation. After all, she reasoned, there seemed to have been a bit of a bias in Chakotay's direction in the Christmases q had shown her, so she may as well assume that it was Chakotay she was supposed to observe here and now.

'I'm worried about Kathryn,' he said. What did I tell me? mused Kathryn to herself.

'Because she's been working so hard? That's natural for her. After six years out here, we all know that.'

'She's shutting herself away from everyone. Again.'

'Well, at least there's still stars outside the viewports this Christmas.'

'But other than that, what's changed?' asked Chakotay. 'I'm worrying myself sick over her, but she couldn't care less. This can't be good. Six years cannot be good.'

B'Elanna regarded her old Maquis friend thoughtfully. 'You're not just talking about us being out here, are you?' She sighed. 'Of all the times you pick to finally admit how you feel about her, it would have to be in a crowded messhall with who knows who listening in.'

Kathryn grimaced slightly as she thought that B'Elanna could not possibly guess just how apt that last statement was.

'Oh, I know my timing stinks, but what about this whole deal doesn't stink? You've got the whole Maquis/Starfleet thing, not to mention ranks...'

'Do you really want the entire crew to know?' said B'Elanna sharply.

Chakotay lowered his voice, but went on. 'Plus the fact that she's already rejected me three or four times. This can't be healthy, B'Elanna.'

'No, I don't think it is. Look, you two are friends. You're probably the two closest friends there are on this ship, other than the terrible two over there,' she added, nodding at Naomi and Mezoti, 'or possibly Kit and Tilly. I think they'd run you two a close second,' B'Elanna mused. 'Anyway, can you be satisfied with just friendship? A really good quality, caring friendship?'

'I have been for this long, haven't I?' asked Chakotay, bitterly.

Kathryn felt a strange longing, or maybe it was regret, at the thought of she and Chakotay really being "just good friends." She chided herself - that was what she'd wanted all along, wasn't it? Platonic friendship - no romance at all?

B'Elanna shrugged. 'Look, this isn't the time or the place. We'll talk about it later, all right? But I think you'd better lay off the eggnog. Neelix dug up a vintage bottle of Saurian brandy from someone's stash. The stuff packs a good wallop - and you do not need to get drunk.'

'Oh, all right,' said Chakotay, pushing his cup away. They both stood up.

B'Elanna laid a hand on his arm. 'Perk up - in the Captain's absence, you're the ranking officer at this party. You've got to set the example.'

Neelix was making his way toward them. Chakotay grinned ruefully. 'You don't know the half of it. Not only do I have to set an example - I have to dress up as Santa Claus.'

B'Elanna stifled a grin. Kathryn had no such limitations and laughed out loud as Neelix led Chakotay away.

'Having fun?' asked Q, appearing at Kathryn's side.

'It's not time to go yet, is it?' asked Kathryn. 'I'd really like to see Chakotay do his Santa Claus act.'

Q nodded gravely. 'We'll stay until that is over. But after that we must go. My time is running short.'

Kathryn mingled for ten minutes or so before Chakotay made his appearance, but her heart wasn't in the party anymore. When "Santa" began to distribute the presents, all Kathryn could do was look at the dimpled face beneath the beard and wonder what it would be like to have his beautiful smile - the one that, even though she didn't like to admit it, she knew was directed solely at her - directed at some other woman. She hadn't liked it when it had been directed at Riley, or last year, at Marla Gilmore. No, she thought. She didn't like that idea one bit.

Both Kathryn and Q were still giggling over the Doctor's reaction to his Christmas presents when the bright light around them faded to show, once again, the Janeway family home in Indiana. There was less snow than there had been on this visit, and somehow, the house didn't seem quite so full of Christmas joy. It was, however, full of people. There was a tree in the corner of the living room, topped with a model of Voyager, and decorated with pictures of the crew, rather than standard Christmas decorations. Slowly, looking around the room, Kathryn began to recognise her mother's guests. Owen Paris was sitting on the arm of an overstuffed chair, his wife Roberta sitting in the chair itself. T'Pel was chatting to Phoebe Janeway, and Sue Nicholetti's brother was looking at photos of Joe and Anne Carey's two boys.

'Owen Paris - find your own chair, please! I won't have my furniture ruined by anyone - not even a four-star Admiral, thank you very much,' said Kathryn's mother, coming into the room from the kitchen.

'Yes, Gretchen,' said Owen, humbly, getting up to search out another seat.

Gretchen placed a trayful of cookies on the table in the middle of the room. 'Now - who wants coffee or tea? Phoebe, honey, can you give me a hand?'

'Sure, Mom,' said Kathryn's sister, jumping to her feet and turning to a group behind her. 'Ricardo - would you like a hot drink?'

'Raktajino, please, Phoebe.'

Kathryn looked at the man in surprise. 'Ricardo?' She turned to Q. 'Is that Ricardo Torres?'

Q nodded. 'It is.'

Phoebe was still taking orders. Jennet Bandera and Sara Hogan each ordered Tarkelian Tea, and Masako Kim asked for Lady Grey.

'Only Twinings will do,' grinned Scott Watson.

Phoebe called over her shoulder, 'Break out the replicator, Mom. These folks are going for the specialty blends!'

Most of the room laughed at that. 'Will you need help programming it, Gretchen, dear?' asked Irving McBride.

'I think I can handle it, Irving, but thank you for the kind offer. Now, let me guess - coffee, black, and strong enough to stand a spoon upright?'

'Exactly right.'

'Six years of Christmases, I ought to know what you like. By the way, I did extra filled Sandbaklese for you,' Gretchen said, indicating the tray of cookies. 'I hope the recipe worked.'

Irving picked up a cookie that looked a little like a fruit mince pie. He bit into it, and went into raptures. 'Gretchen, it's perfect.'

Anne looked at her friend hopefully. 'I don't suppose you managed the Krokaner this year?'

'I did - only broke ten during the icing.' Gretchen raised her voice to address the room in general. 'You all wanted Scandinavian Christmas Cookies, well, I've outdone myself this year, if I do say so myself. So, dig in!'

They did, and until everyone was settled with their drinks and cookies, the atmosphere was quite festive. But once Gretchen and Phoebe returned from the kitchen with the last trays of coffees, a more sombre mood settled over the group. Gretchen sat down, and then raised her mug for a toast.

'Here's to the sixth Family Christmas. May it be the last.' Every other mug in the room went up, and a number of 'hear, hear's were voiced. Silence settled over the room again for a moment. Then Gretchen spoke again, clearly taking on a similar leading role to that of her daughter. 'Jennet, Sara, Karami, Tilat, Megg - we all know that nothing is ever going to be quite the same for you again. But thank you for joining with us this year - even though you must hate us.'

The woman Gretchen had addressed as Megg - a gray haired human whose face was lined with sadness - replied. 'I don't hate you,' she said, as Kathryn realised with a jolt who she was.

'Megg Cavit! It's Cavit's wife.'

Megg continued. 'You're right, Gretchen - life isn't going to be the same. But I've got a lot of friends here that I didn't have before.' Tears welled in her eyes, and Sara Bandera reached over to hug her. 'And if this is the last Family Christmas - and I hope it is - then let's please organise a Family New Year next year, for all of us.'

Megg's suggestion was greeted with cheers.

'Why have you shown me this?' asked Kathryn, trying to fit it into everything else she had been shown by the Qs.

'They care deeply for you. Just as do your own crew.' Q began to lead Kathryn outside.

'Q said this was about happiness, or contentment, or something. I just don't see where this fits in.'

'You shall see,' said Q.

Kathryn walked off the porch and into the front yard, which was lightly dusted with snow. 'Not enough for snowballs this year,' she remarked casually. At that moment, big, fluffy snowflakes began to fall, and she heard churchbells chiming in the distance. Kathryn held out her hands and put her face up to the snow. 'Beautiful,' she said. 'So beautiful.'

Q made no comment, and Kathryn looked behind her, expecting to see Q, arms crossed and eyes blazing, one foot tapping impatiently. Instead, there was nothing. Just the house, and the sound of chatter from within. Then, quietly, she heard the word 'three' echoing around her, and turning again beheld a solemn Phantom, draped and hooded, coming like a mist along the ground towards her.

Now this ought to be fun!

Chapter Text

The phantom slowly, gravely, silently approached. It was shrouded in a deep black garment, which concealed its head, its face, its form and left nothing of it visible, save one outstretched hand. But for this, it would have been difficult to detach its figure from the night, and separate it from the darkness that surrounded it.

Kathryn took a deep breath. 'I'm going to take a guess here,' she said. 'q showed me Christmases in my past, his mother showed me things happening this Christmas...This is just a guess, but that's you under that cloak, isn't it, Q?'

The upper portion of the garment was contracted for an instant in its folds, as if the phantom had inclined its head. That was the only answer she received.

'You're quiet tonight,' said Kathryn. 'Anyway - you're going to show me a Christmas or two in the future. Well, lead on, Q. Lead on - I'm getting tired.'

The Q phantom, for Kathryn was certain it was Q, despite the uncharacteristic silence, moved away as it had come towards her. Kathryn followed in its shadow, which bore her up, she thought, and carried her along.

They scarcely seemed to re-enter the house, rather it seemed to spring up around them, warm and decorated and bathed in the same spicy, sprucy aromas it had held in Kathryn's memory. The silent Q stopped in the hall, and pointed one hand towards the living room. Kathryn looked inside, then stepped into the room. In all respects it looked just as it had on her first visit with q. The tree was topped with a gold star, the decorations that had belonged to her family for generations were placed carefully on its branches. The floor beneath the tree was covered in presents, and next to it, examining each present very carefully, was a little girl in a blue velvet dress with white lace trim. A little girl, five or six years old, with reddish-brown hair and brown eyes.

'Brown eyes?' said Kathryn under her breath.

'Denver, honey,' said Gretchen, coming in from the kitchen, 'Get away from there! You can't touch the presents until after we've finished dinner and recycled everything. And tonight, we have to wash the best china as well.'

'But Gran'ma - it's Christmas!'

Gretchen smiled. 'Your Mom and your Aunty used to try that one on me as well. It won't work, honey. Now, go on, go find your Daddy and tell him it's time to carve the turkey.'

'But Daddy doesn't eat turkey.'

'Just because he doesn't eat it doesn't mean he can't carve it.'

Denver looked at her grandmother suspiciously. 'Are you sure?'

'Quite sure.'

'Okay...' the little girl ran out of the room, through the phantom Q, and up the stairs.

'Is this Bibi's little girl?' asked Kathryn.

True to form, the phantom did not reply, but merely pointed its hand up the stairs. Very soon Denver's feet re-appeared, followed by a pair of much larger feet. 'Slow down, Dee-girl. You don't want your Daddy to go head over heels down the stairs, do you?'

Kathryn's eyes opened wide. 'Chakotay?'

Heedless of the advice she had been given, Denver pulled Chakotay by the hand into the kitchen. Kathryn followed, not caring whether she was supposed to or not. She wanted to be where the action was - and that was going to be where ever her mother, her first officer, and this cute little scamp were headed.

Once they were in the kitchen, Dee let Chakotay go.

'You had me summoned, Gretchen?'

'I most certainly did,' replied Kathryn's mother, with a smile for the little girl. 'Here,' she said, handing Chakotay a carving knife and fork. 'The turkey's over there.' To Kathryn's astonishment, Chakotay took the implements calmly and began to carve up the huge roast bird. Denver was obviously also astonished, and she stared at Chakotay until Gretchen caught her attention.

'Where's your Mom?'

'She's still getting dressed.' She tugged on Gretchen's arm, and Gretchen knelt down to the girl's level. 'Daddy has a special present for Mommy. It's a necklace. Mommy doesn't know anything about it - it's a secret.'

'Is that so?' asked Gretchen. Chakotay caught the look she had given him, and he smiled and shrugged. 'You spoil my daughter, you know, Chakotay.'

'I know,' he dimpled back at her. 'It's my prerogative as her husband.'

'What's your prerogative?' asked a voice from the doorway. Kathryn turned to look.

'To give you presents and spoil you rotten, my love,' said Chakotay, putting down his tools and draping an arm around his wife's waist.

'But that's...' said Kathryn in disbelief as the couple kissed and Denver giggled. '...me,' she finished.

'Took you long enough. I'm disappointed, Kathy.' The Q phantom was a phantom no more. It had flung back its hood, to reveal Q - the Q Starfleet knew all too well, the Q dressed in a Captain's uniform, his black hair carefully in place, and a sardonic expression on his face. 'Anyone else would have guessed it the moment they saw little Dee-girl's hair. Reddish-brown. It's a dead giveaway!'

Kathryn didn't answer. She was still watching the couple kiss, and on her face was a strange expression.

'Hmm,' said Q, studying her, 'part disbelief, part envy, part...well, maybe we won't analyse that any further,' he said. 'So, Kathy - I can assume you like this picture?'

'She's adorable,' said Kathryn. 'She's my daughter?'

'She's Kathryn and Chakotay's daughter,' said Q. 'I don't want to quibble, but this isn't you. Or, at least, it isn't necessarily you. It all depends...'

'On what?'

'On you, on him, on whether your crew manages, in their startling ineptness, to find the right wormhole. But mostly on you.'

'How long can we stay here? I'd like to see them unwrap the presents...'

'Sorry, Kathy. If we don't help to wash the dishes, we can't watch the present part. And,' he said, swiping a hand casually through the carving knife lying on the countertop, 'I don't think we'd be much help.'

Kathryn sighed. 'Where to next?'

I hate to admit it, but we diverged from the original at this point. You see, the sledgehammer we used in the first instance was brutal, I'll admit, and it gave the gentleman in question exactly the fright he needed. But somehow I didn't think that physical death would work quite as well in this situation. Kathryn Janeway, complex and enigmatic, called for something a little more...psychological.

'What an awful cloak! Dingy and dusty and a good five hundred years out of date.' said Q, flinging it into the air, whereupon it disappeared. Or possibly, he and Kathryn disappeared, for suddenly they had left Indiana and were back on board Voyager.

In the middle of yet another Christmas party.

'Q - this is getting tiring!'

'And so was not talking. I have no idea whose idea the 'strong, silent type' was, but it sure wasn't mine.'

'That is blatantly obvious. Neither strong nor silent strike me as good descriptions of you, Q. I'd be more likely to say interfering or loathsome.'

'When I want your opinion, Kathy, I'll give it to you.'

'Now that's more like it,' said Kathryn. 'What a pity.'

'If you've finished with the insults, you might want to do your eavesdropping thing you do so well. There's a lot of interesting people at this party...go, take a look.'

Kathryn did so, wandering through the mess hall, looking closely at faces and listening to conversations. She came face to face with Tom Paris, who was holding a baby in his arms, and smiling down at it with an angelic look. B'Elanna was close by, keeping an eye on both Tom and the baby. Kathryn manoeuvred around to get a better look at the child, and was enchanted to see a little dark face, with the faintest sign of a brow ridge, peeking up at her. Kathryn smiled at the baby, and the baby gurgled back.

'Hey, Miri, you're happy today, aren't you?' said Tom.

Kathryn turned to Q in confusion. 'The baby can see me?' she asked.

Q nodded. 'Quite an intelligent young lady, our Miral Paris. Might grow up to be first officer of this ship one day.'

'The poor thing,' was all Kathryn said. Her attention was caught by a group of young adults standing around Neelix. Slowly, Kathryn recognised each one. 'Naomi...Icheb...and Seven?' she asked, incredulous. 'But Naomi's grown up - and Seven hasn't changed...'

'You honestly expected her to? She's Borg, Kathy. She still has all those little nanoprobes running around in her bloodstream, keeping her perfect and ageless.'

'I suppose.'

'You're wasting time, Kathy. Go over to the tree. That's where the important people are.'

'In that case, I assume I'll find my counterpart there,' said Kathryn, moving towards the tree. She was correct. At one side of the huge holographic Christmas tree was the Captain, her hair a little grayer, her skin a little more lined, helping 'Santa' to give out the presents. Miri Paris was obviously not the only child to have been born on Voyager by this time, as 'Santa' - the holo-emitter on his sleeve clearly proclaiming his true identity - was surrounded by ten or so youngsters. Kathryn studied the children for resemblances to their parents, but nowhere could she see a cute reddish-brown headed scamp.

Another moment showed her why. A young boy, no more than four years old, with a shock of dark hair and chocolatey brown eyes, thanked Santa for his present, and ran to the other side of the tree. 'Mom! Dad! I got a present!' Kathryn followed him, and saw the boy run up to Chakotay and Marla Gilmore, who were sitting together at a table, holding hands.

'Who's it from, Robbie?' Marla asked her son. Robbie studied the tag.

'It's from Captain Kathryn,' he replied, with awe in his voice.

'Open it up and see what it is,' said Chakotay, lifting Robbie up onto his knee. The three made such a perfect picture of a family that Kathryn sighed. Robbie ripped the wrapping paper from his present.

'It's a new holoprogram,' he said. 'A Muppet Christmas Carol,' the boy read carefully. 'What's a muppet?'

'You'll have to run the program, Robbie,' said Marla. 'Now - do you have anything to do?'

Robbie gave his mother an angelic smile, then jumped off his father's lap. 'I've got to got and thank Captain Kathryn,' he said.

As Kathryn turned to follow him, she heard Marla say to Chakotay. 'Poor Kathryn - she's such a good godmother to all the kids. I'll bet she wrote that program herself.'

'Poor Kathryn?' said Kathryn. 'Poor Kathryn?'

Q was at her elbow. 'I'm sure I agree,' he said, and found himself on the receiving end of a glare. 'Oh, not with the "poor Kathryn" part, of course, Kathy. I meant the good godmother part. I'm sure this Kathy's a wonderful babysitter and gift-giver.'

'Spinster aunt, more than godmother,' muttered Kathryn. But she watched her counterpart with the Voyager children, and agreed that she was good with them. But she never quite stopped looking for little Denver to appear. And when the guests all began to take their leave, and Chakotay patted his Captain's shoulder and wished her a Merry Christmas, and then walked out of the messhall with his arm around Marla's waist, Kathryn sighed.

Q put his arm around her shoulders. 'Only one more stop to go, Kathy.'

'Lead on, Q. The sooner we start, the sooner we can finish.'

'That's the attitude, Kathy. I have to say, you're much nicer than the first person we did this for. He was so dour - no sense of humour at all, no chance for amusing banter. Actually,' Q considered, his head on one side, 'he reminded me a little of Jean-Luc. Strange...'

The mess hall was now empty, and Kathryn was looking at the stars out the viewports. 'How far in the future are we, Q? And what about back with my Mom and Denver and... and Chakotay?'

'Eight years. This was your fourteenth Christmas in the Delta Quadrant.'

'And on Earth?'

'The same.'

'And our next stop?'

'The same. These are shadows, Kathy. Shadows of the things which may be to come.'

'So I can do something about the future? I can make it come out a certain way?' she asked, thinking of little Denver, and the Kathryn kissing Chakotay in her mother's kitchen.

'This isn't the time for discussions of temporal mechanics,' said Q. 'Come along, Kathy.' He reached out, touched her sleeve, and light enveloped them.

I almost begin to sympathise with the humanoids who set up those ridiculous Temporal Investigations Bureaux, people like that Braxton. It really can get quite complicated when you start meddling with the timeline...you see, if we wiped Kathryn's memory, the whole exercise would have gone to waste - and besides, even I wanted to see Kathryn happy, at home, and being looked after by that gorgeous husband and that cute scamp of a Denver. Then again, with Kathryn knowing what could be in her future, the decisions she made might be affected. That was the point of the exercise, of course - but how could we be certain she would make the right decisions?

Temporal mechanics give me a headache. Oh, sorry about that supernova over there...I think I'd better go find an Aspirin.

Chapter Text

Blinking her eyes, Kathryn beheld her own readyroom. For a moment she thought that it was all finally over, but then she saw the state of the room. It was a mess - one of the wall consoles had blown out, and the front panel of the replicator was missing. Kathryn looked at the wiring and saw that it had been jury-rigged to bypass the damage. The cushions of the sofa were stained and the fabric was wearing thin. One of the shelves on which she displayed gifts and mementos was broken, the other was covered only sparsely. The pot from an amusing prehensile plant she had once been given stood on a shelf, but was full of padds.

'My plant?' she said out loud.

'Dead,' replied Q.

Kathryn had found another gap on the shelf. 'My coffee set?'

'Broken. She keeps a piece of the cup in her drawer.'

Most worrying of all was the framed photo on her desk. Even though she couldn't touch it, Kathryn ran her fingers above the frame. It was her photo of Mark and Bear. 'Bear must have died by now,' she said, 'and Mark is married.'

'I never liked him much,' said Q. 'Mark, I mean. Bear, on the other hand...well, if you must have a dog, Bear is a nice dog to have.'

'Glad you think so - but why the photo?'

'You'll see, Kathy. Good things come to those who wait.'

'Why am I not convinced that what's coming is a good thing?' said Kathryn as the readyroom door opened.

The Janeway who came through the door had aged even more than she had in the previous version of the future she had been shown. This Kathryn was haggard and worn out. Her uniform didn't quite fit, and her face and hands showed the signs of injuries that hadn't been fully regenerated.

This Janeway walked into the room, picked up a couple of padds from the plant pot, a few more from the coffee table, and added them to the pile in her arms before sitting down heavily at her desk.

'Computer, do I have enough replicator rations for a cup of coffee?' she asked.

'Negative,' replied the computer.

'Blast,' said Janeway, and picked up the first padd on her pile.

While her counterpart was reading, Kathryn was looking out the viewport at the stars. She bounced once or twice on the balls of her feet, then looked at Q. 'We're travelling at impulse,' she said.

'Yes,' said Q.

'Is that all the ship is capable of?' asked Kathryn.

Q said nothing, and at that moment the door slid open and Chakotay stuck his head into the room.

'Captain? Do you have moment?'

Janeway looked up and sighed. 'The comm system is down again, isn't it?'

'Sorry.'

'No - come in. Pull up a piece of debris,' said Janeway, putting the padd aside and leaning back in her chair, closing her eyes for a moment.

'Computer, do I have enough rations for a cup of coffee?' Chakotay asked tiredly.

'Negative.'

'Do I have enough for half a cup of coffee?'

'Negative.'

'Just as well,' said Chakotay - this Chakotay looking almost as haggard and old as Janeway did - 'A quarter of a cup each wouldn't have been much more than a mouthful.'

'Nice of you to think of it, though,' said Janeway.

'Self preservation, Captain,' said Chakotay. 'I wouldn't have dared order a cup of coffee without sharing it with you.'

'Good to see we haven't gone fifteen years without you learning something, Commander.'

'They're so formal!' said Kathryn.

'Now,' said her counterpart. 'What did you want to see me about?'

'Neelix. He wants to run another Christmas party.'

'No.'

'That's what I told him, but he asked me to bring it to you.'

'We can't do it. We don't have the time to spare or the resources.'

'How bad is it really, Captain?'

Janeway reached for a padd. 'Bad. I don't think it could get much worse. The warp coils have burnt out, and we only have enough power to sustain full impulse for another week at the most. And that's with major restrictions. I'm going to have to tell the crew soon.' She tossed the padd away from her. 'I'm sure they know that something is up, but only you, Seven, Tuvok and I know exactly how close we are to the end of this trip. If we don't find a planet within two weeks, we'll be dead in space.'

Chakotay's face contracted. 'Some of us already are,' he said quietly.

Kathryn went to Chakotay's side. 'What are you talking about? What does he mean?' she asked Q.

Janeway studied her first officer but offered no sympathy. She picked up another padd. 'Tell Nicholetti that if she needs help in engineering, she should send up a runner.'

'Yes, Captain,' said Chakotay, getting to his feet. 'That last message parcel...'

'Yes?'

'It had messages from the families. It said something about them getting together for Christmas again.'

'My mother started it years ago. They do it every year.'

'I'm almost glad we don't have comm capability with Starfleet anymore. This would be the worst Christmas present they could get.'

Janeway looked up, and finally, an expression other than exhaustion registered on her face. 'It's certainly the worst Christmas present we could get,' she said sadly. 'Let's just hope we find an M-class planet. And soon.'

'Amen,' said Chakotay, and left. Q and Kathryn followed the first officer onto the bridge, which looked worse than the readyroom.

Blackened, burnt out consoles were more common than functioning ones. Chakotay took his place on a command level that now had only one chair, and was missing half of its railing. The viewscreen was operating at a quarter of normal size, and every crewmember on the bridge had clearly suffered many injuries, and had seen few nights of sleep. Q and Kathryn, by common consent, walked across the bridge and into the briefing room. Covering one wall was a handwritten Honor Roll. It was a list that began with the names of Commander Cavit and Lieutenant Stadi, and finished, more than a hundred names later, with the names of Marla Gilmore and Robert Kolopak Gilmore. Twenty names above them stood the name of B'Elanna Torres, and above that, Vorik, and Samantha Wildman.

Kathryn simply stared at the list. To her it was an indictment of her failure - not of her counterpart's failure, but her own. Her failure to live up to everyone's expectations, to keep striving towards the goal, to never give up the hope that they would get home, that they would once again be with their families.

'I can't let this happen, Q,' said Kathryn, voicing her desperation. 'Tell me how to avoid it.'

To Kathryn's eyes, which had filled with tears, Q seemed to be fading away. 'Follow your heart, Kathryn,' he said, as he, the briefing room, and the stars crawling along at impulse all faded around Kathryn and finally, disappeared into darkness.

The darkness around Kathryn resolved into her sofa, her pillow, and her blanket, still pulled up over her head. Or was it once again pulled up over her head? Kathryn wasn't entirely sure. Had the Q family really taken her on a journey through all those Christmases - could all those little scenes have just been a dream? Was Denver a dream?

That horrifying thought gave her the impetus to sit up and discard the blanket.

'Computer, time.'

'The time is 0600 hours,' replied the computer.

Time to be up-and-at-'em, then, thought Kathryn, recalling an old phrase of her father's. She washed her face and ordered a cup of coffee from the replicator. When it beeped obligingly, she sighed in relief. At least that part of her - dream - hadn't come true. As she moved towards the replicator, a frond or two of the prehensile plant reached out to her. She stroked a leaf, but maintained her distance from it. She had no time for its antics today, but she was glad that it was alive. She would miss it too much if it died.

When she went to pick up her coffee, lying beside the cup was a tiny gold bell. Kathryn spun around to look at the desk console. Yes, two bells were already lined up there. This was the third.

The Q's visits had been real - all of them! Kathryn wasn't sure exactly how she felt about that revelation. She knew which of the three future scenarios she liked best, but she had no idea of how to go about working towards that particular future.

Sipping on her coffee - and wishing that she could have another cup as good as the one Q had brought her - she sat down at her desk, and placed the third bell next to the first two. Then, instead of immediately going back to the piles of padds that were covering her work area, she called up Voyager's library on her desk console, and requested a list of the works of Charles Dickens. At the end of the list, after the great classics of Bleak House and David Copperfield and Great Expectations, was a second list - Dickens' shorter stories, published in his own weekly magazine. That second list was topped by a story called "A Christmas Carol."

The padds lay unattended on her desk as she read through the story, not stopping between "Marley was dead, to begin with" and "God bless us, every one!" She chuckled at the slightly crazed voice of the narrator, and grinned at the similarities, and the differences, between the visits Dickens described and her own brush with the Q family. And at the end, she turned away from the console and leaned back in her chair, her thoughts whirling, but somehow, feeling very peaceful.

After all, she had been given one of those rare moments of clarity. Her growing doubts about what would face her, and her crew, when they arrived back in the Alpha Quadrant were dispelled, and she knew, once and for all, that the best thing for everyone was to get back home. She loved these people, her crew, they were her family. And they deserved better than limping towards an M-class planet, or dying in space without ever seeing their families again.

And she knew, once and for all, that Chakotay meant more to her than just a friend. As she thought back over the years - not just the Christmases, but their entire six years together - she knew that she would never have survived them without him at her side. And she didn't want to contemplate ever being without him.

'Computer, time,' she suddenly asked, aware that the time had been slipping by her. She hesitated, and then added to her request. 'And what is the date, adjusted for Earth standard?'

'The time is 1000 hours. The date, adjusted for Earth standard, is December 25.'

The day itself, she thought. Only a few hours until the Christmas party, and she had so much to do.

She reached for the piles of padds, beginning to tidy them into neat piles, to be left until tomorrow to be examined. Underneath the last of them, she found a package wrapped in gold paper with a red ribbon tied around it. Curious, she opened it, thinking that perhaps Chakotay had slipped it into the pile to surprise her.

But what was in that parcel could not possibly have come from Chakotay. It was two old fashioned photographs, matted together in one frame. Both were family groupings - the first was of all three Q, all in Starfleet uniform, and smiling at the photographer. Predicatably, q's smile was sweet, and as innocent as a Q could possibly be. His mother's smile was faintly supercilious, while his father's smile promised mischief. Kathryn grinned as she saw the Commordore's pips on the woman's uniform, pleased that Q was suitably outranked.

But the grin died as she looked at the second photo. It had been 'taken' on the Indiana Christmas night when Kathryn had been present. In front of the Christmas trees, sat Kathryn's dream - her family. Chakotay wore a dark green shirt and black pants, Kathryn a silvery gray dress, and a pearl necklace around her throat. Both of them looked as though they had found absolute bliss. In front of them sat little Denver, in her blue dress with white lace trim, grinning out of the photo like an angel.

'Thank you,' murmured Kathryn, assuming that the Q's were still around to hear her. 'I just hope it doesn't disappear.' She took one last look around her ready room, and then left it, frame in hand, the photos carefully turned towards her, hidden from the eyes of the crew.

Harry Kim had command, and he leapt to his feet, startled, when Kathryn entered the bridge.

'At ease, Ensign,' said Kathryn.

Harry relaxed. 'I had no idea you were up here, Captain. I thought you had taken the day off.'

'I've been working,' said Kathryn, 'but I've decided that a day off sounds very nice. I'll see you at the party later?'

'Wouldn't miss it, Captain.'

Kathryn nodded at him, then boarded the turbolift and went straight to her quarters. She put the photo in an inconspicuous place, but somewhere where she could still see it. That task completed, her first item of business was to dig out the costume she wore for the dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy, and to play a recording of it so that she could revise the steps. She wouldn't put it past Naomi Wildman to have been digging in Voyager's library to find out about the dance. Then, Kathryn began to scour her quarters for gifts to give. Most important, of course, was the Doctor. Kathryn knew that the rest of the senior officers had a marvellous surprise in store for him, but she was not included in that, and therefore her name would not be on any present for him. She intended to rectify the situation.

Oddments she found around her quarters would be sufficient for most people; a book of her own she knew B'Elanna would like, a spare meditation taper she knew she would never have the time to use would be appreciated by Tuvok. Those for whom she couldn't find a suitable nik-nak received an IOU - Tom gained a promise that she would play Arachnia for two hours (and two hours only). In the end, only Chakotay was not represented in the growing pile of packages by the door. Finally, Kathryn had an inspiration.

Kathryn's entrance to the Messhall caused a significant stir. Her arms were full of parcels, and Neelix rushed to her side to help her with them.

'Captain! We weren't expecting you!'

'I'm sorry I didn't respond to your invitation, but there was a last minute change of plans. Will you forgive me?' she said, smiling at the Talaxian as he settled her packages under the tree.

'Of course, Captain. Would you like some eggnog?'

'Just a small cup, please,' she replied, remembering B'Elanna's comments about Saurian brandy.

'Uh, Captain,' said Neelix cautiously, 'As you hadn't indicated you would be coming, I've arranged for Commander Chakotay to play the role of Santa Claus. If you would rather, I'm sure the Commander won't mind handing the role over to you.'

Kathryn tried not to laugh. 'No, no, Neelix, don't worry about that. In fact - why don't you ask the Doctor if he'd be willing to play the part? I'm sure he'd find it fascinating.'

'And the costuming will be much easier,' said Neelix, nodding his head. 'I just hope the Commander won't mind,' he said, as he heading in the direction of the Doctor.

Kathryn smiled and headed for the table by the viewport where she knew B'Elanna and Chakotay would be sitting. 'Commander, Lieutenant,' she greeted them.

In his surprise, Chakotay jumped to his feet. 'Kathr...Captain! I thought you weren't coming!'

'Somehow most people seem to have been given that idea,' she replied. 'I can't imagine how. But will you welcome me at your party?'

'Welcome you - of course! No one could be more welcome,' said Chakotay. 'A change of heart?' he asked.

'You could say that,' said Kathryn, thinking of the present that was waiting for him under the tree. 'By the way, Chakotay, you left your candy dish in my readyroom last night. You might want to come along and collect it tomorrow morning.'

'Are there any humbugs left?'

'No, no humbugs. They were delicious, though.' Kathryn took a sip of her eggnog.

'Captain,' said B'Elanna, 'You might want to take it easy on the eggnog...'

'Saurian brandy,' said Kathryn, nodding. 'I know.'

'How...? I'm not going to ask,' finished B'Elanna. 'If you'll excuse me, a certain Ensign or two are acting like children...we've got enough kids around without them.' B'Elanna left Kathryn and Chakotay sitting at the table.

They weren't left alone for long, though, as Neelix soon came hurrying up to them. He nodded respectfully at Kathryn, but spoke directly to Chakotay. 'Commander, I hope you won't be too disappointed,' he said, 'but I've organised for the Doctor to act as Santa Claus in your place. He's quite enthusiastic about the idea.'

Kathryn snuck a look at the Doctor, who was being hustled out of the mess hall by Sam Wildman. He looked exasperated, if anything, and was certainly not "enthusiastic".

'That's fine, Neelix. I don't mind at all,' replied Chakotay. Neelix hurried away, and Chakotay managed to keep from laughing until he was gone. 'I have a horrible feeling I'll owe the Doctor,' he said.

'I'm sure you'll be even after he gets that present,' replied Kathryn.

'How do you know about that?' he asked.

Kathryn answered quickly. 'I'm the Captain - I know everything.'

Chakotay studied Kathryn's face closely, but then smiled and leaned back in his chair. 'Captain's prerogative, huh?'

'Got it in one.'

They began to talk about one of their favourite topics; the crew. A party like this was a marvellous chance to observe the crew and their interactions, but this time Kathryn felt like looking over her shoulder, just to check that the Q's weren't helping someone else to eavesdrop. Then again, she wasn't a four month old Miri Paris - if there was an unseen presence, she wasn't going to detect it.

Voyager's command team were interrupted in their conversation by a very shy looking Naomi Wildman.

'Merry Christmas, Naomi,' said Kathryn.

'Merry Christmas to you too, Captain,' replied the girl seriously. 'Merry Christmas, Commander Chakotay.'

'Merry Christmas, Naomi,' replied Chakotay.

Naomi took a deep breath. 'Captain, I have a request. Mom and Neelix made lots of sugar plums for the party. Would you do your Sugar Plum Fairy dance for us during the party.'

'Certainly, Naomi. Can you wait until after the presents have been distributed?'

'Yes.'

'Good. I'll organise it with Neelix.'

Naomi's face broke into a wide smile. 'Thank you, Captain.'

'That's all right, Naomi,' replied the Captain. Naomi turned around and walked, with dignity, to the side of the tree, where Mezoti, Rebi and Azan were clustered. Once she reached them, her gravity left her, and she bounced excitedly as she whispered to Mezoti.

Watching the children, Chakotay said to Kathryn, 'I'm looking forward to this. You haven't danced in a long time.'

'I may be a bit rusty,' said Kathryn, 'but for Naomi, and at Christmas, there's not much I wouldn't do.' She glanced at Chakotay as she said this, and was gratified to see a shadow cross over his face, as if to say, Only for Naomi? Anything else she would have said was stopped as "Santa" came through the door and settled himself down by the tree, with a few suitably rumbling 'Ho, ho, ho's.' The Doctor spent the next hour distributing gifts, and the senior officers were gratified by the Doctor's surprise at coming across several gifts that were intended for him. The presents Kathryn had scraped together were much appreciated, and by some strange, but welcome, sixth sense, the Doctor delayed Kathryn's gift to Chakotay to the very end.

'Finally,' he said to the room at large, although few people were paying much attention, 'the last gift. Commander Chakotay, this is for you.'

With a look of amazement, Chakotay left the table where he and Kathryn had been sitting throughout the entire process, and went up to collect his gift from "Santa". He read the gift tag on the way back to his seat, and looked up at Kathryn with even more surprise on his face.

'From you? But I didn't get you anything?

'You've given me plenty over the years,' she replied, almost unconsciously holding her breath. 'Now it's time for me to give something back.'

Chakotay unwrapped the gift painstakingly, revealing a single long-stemmed rose.

Almost without thinking, Kathryn spoke. 'Peace roses, yellow roses for friendship - they're all very well, and I've always loved them. But friendship only goes so far, doesn't it, Chakotay?'

'Red,' he said softly, looking straight into her eyes.

'Red,' she confirmed.

'Excuse me, Captain,' said Neelix. 'Would you like to go and get changed for your dance?'

Reluctantly, Kathryn stood up, never taking her eyes from Chakotay's. 'I'll be back,' she said softly, hoping Neelix couldn't hear, but even so, not really caring. 'We have a lot of time together in our future.' She bent down and kissed him briefly on the lips, and broke the contact reluctantly. She felt the eyes of at least half the crew on her as she left the mess hall.

If that didn't give him the message, nothing would.

I knew she'd see sense eventually. Oh, Chakotay, you lucky, lucky man...OW!!

Please excuse him - he's suffering from a chronic lack of intelligence...and a sudden, sharp, pain in his leg - Stiletto heels are so useful. All in all, I think that went pretty well. Something tells me he won't have to drag her to the Christmas party next year.

Now, if you'll excuse us, there's a certain red-headed doctor and a belligerent Starship captain that need our help. Good grief - I'm beginning to enjoy this matchmaking caper. By the way - Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good life. And as q observed, the Q will harass you, every one - whether you want us to or not.