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There’s three times that Jin wipes Hoseok’s tears for him.
The first time, it’s unexpected.
Hoseok… is just sitting there crying, in the middle of the empty dressing room.
He’d just lost a practice match. Not just him, of course, but his team.
He’s the captain of the football team and they are all relying on him. But he’s pretty sure his advice is shit. He was voted captain largely for his enthusiasm for the sport. But he knew he was lacking in strategy. Strategy that everyone expected him to innately know and teach to his teammates.
And now he’d completely failed them all and they lost their first practice match of the year against another college.
Everyone had left to go home already, and even though they didn’t send him judging gazes, he felt like they were upset with him.
Hot tears rolled down his cheeks. This was more stressful than he’d thought. More upsetting than he thought. He felt like he carried the weight of the whole team and it --
“What’s wrong?” a voice echoes into the empty locker room.
Hoseok’s eyes snap up to the doorway, where Kim Seokjin is standing with a concerned expression. He hurriedly wipes his eyes, trying not to sniffle.
Jin was a bro, they’d been friends for years. He was one of the guys he could share stupid jokes with, but also just go and hug when he was really drunk at parties because he wouldn’t judge him.
“Nothing,” Hoseok says, as normal as he can muster.
“Right,” Jin rolls his eyes, walking closer. “And the sky is pink.”
Hoseok frowns.
“It doesn’t matter, it’s done now anyway.”
“Is this about the match today?” Jin sits down on the bench beside him, and the whole thing creaks under the weight of the two as they stare at each other in silence. Hoseok is debating. Debating just telling Jin everything, just for the simple reason that he’d asked him.
“...If I tell you something, will you listen?” Hoseok asks. He wants to share his fears with… with SOMEONE at least. And Jin puts him at ease. He’s sure he won’t tell anyone.
Jin stares at him for a moment, expression unreadable, before nodding.
“Yeah… of course. My helmet is off now so I can actually hear things again!” Jin jokes. Hoseok appreciates that he’s trying to bring up the mood.
He takes a deep breath.
“I… I’m sorry we lost today,” Hoseok mumbles. He feels tears prick at his eyes again as he desperately tries to hold them back.
“Ehhh it’s fine,” Jin shrugs. “It’s just a practice match.”
“My advice is shit,” Hoseok’s voice cracks.
“No, it’s not,” Jin frowns. “Just cause we lost the game doesn’t mean it’s your fault?”
“I should have directed you guys better, it IS my fault,” he’s crying again now, and Jin is going to reject him, he’s going to tell him to quit, that he failed, that he --
“Then just get better?” he says instead..
“What?”
Hoseok turns with confusion to the older male, only to find that Jin’s thumbs are suddenly wiping away the tears on his face, with gentle care he’d never really seen exhibited by the older. It should be embarrassing, but it’s almost the opposite. Hoseok is left with an odd sense of comfort from his actions.
“It’s okay to not be perfect,” Jin says. “I mean, I wouldn’t know, since I’m a perfect being, but I think I can forgive any mishaps you might have made in your attempt to get better.”
Hoseok allows himself a small laugh, despite how scratchy his eyes are and how generally gross he feels, and the fact that what he said wasn’t really all that funny, but in comparison to his detrimental thoughts...
“I mean, as long as you’re trying to get better?” Jin asks, perfect eyebrow raised. Hoseok realizes that despite his awful sense of humour, he was actually concerned, actually trying to make him feel better.
His teammates shouldn’t be concerned for their captains well being.
“I… I am,” Hoseok answers, as truthfully as he feels in that moment. He was going to try harder, be better. He wouldn’t show his weakness again. Jin gives him a few nods framed with sarcasm before he stands up to leave again.
“I just came to grab my headphones,” he says, headed to his locker and pulling them out. “But you can come to me if you’re ever in the need to chat. You must be stressed.”
Hoseok sighs after he leaves, despite still believing he failed, he does feel a bit better.
-
The second time Jin wipes Hoseok’s tears for him, he thinks he might have made a mistake.
It starts at practice a few weeks later.
Jin was the kind of person who tried hard, Hoseok would give him that.
He was awkwardly tall but he used his height to his advantage. He worked out hard and practiced even harder. He knew he wasn’t the best at football but put in the effort he needed to stick with the team.
Hoseok should probably dislike the guy. Jin fumbles his catches and flinches when the whistle is blown, but if you manage to get the ball in his hand he’ll outrun the whole other team whilst beaming the whole time and--
He should really stop staring at Jin.
He peels his eyes away, focusing on the rest of the team. They are trying to run drills today, focusing on teamwork. Jin’s role in the play they were working on was to catch the football and score a touchdown. One of the most straightforward roles.
You’d think with his long legs it would be easy, and it would be, if he could catch the damn ball.
He sighs as Jin drops yet another throw, football bounding away from him like it had a mind of its own. Dancing its own cruel little game.
Hoseok blows the whistle.
“That’s enough of this one for today guys, we’ll revisit it next practice.”
Everyone groans, it’s not the easiest of drills and requires everyone to be on top of their game. Jin included, who has the audacity to look happy in that moment, relieved. A few people send a glare his way but are disarmed by his glaring smile. Or maybe that was just Hoseok.
“Hey hey hey!” he says, trying to maintain morale, nobody needed to be upset about some extra practice. “Don’t be like that! Our other plays are great, and they didn’t all start out easy, right?”
Hoseok is satisfied when some of the guys start nodding in agreement.
“We can get there, we just need to keep working at it!” He tacks on a smile. In reality, he’s the stress again, his team relies on him, relies on him holding them together. Relies on him to keep up morale, to perfect the plays, to practice the right things with the right people. To win games, real games, not just the practice ones.He didn’t want to show that stress on his face, lest something happen like with Jin before. He needed his members to be in their best headspace, even if that meant he wasn’t. They couldn’t spend time worrying about him.
“Okay team, let’s finish up with some more intervals today! Let’s try to beat last weeks record!”
After running, they start to disperse, heading back to the changerooms to shower and leave.
Jin comes over and leans on Hoseok, sighing.
“I’m tired,” he says, quietly wrapping his arms around him.
“Ah, you’re getting clingy again,” Hoseok gives him a clap on the back and pinches his cheek so he’ll let go.
Jin gives him a small, sarcastic pout, and the two walk back to the shower rooms together, taking their time.
They are the last ones to shower, everyone else seemed to have gotten it over with quickly and already left, and it’s… comfortable. Hoseok picks a shower further away from Jin, because picking the one right next to him would be weird, and they finish around the same time.
Jin comes out with a towel wrapped around his torso, and although Hoseok has seen it before, he’s appreciative of how hard Jin works, and it’s showing, as he has toned arms and abs - much like Hoseok himself.
Jin smiles at him, and Hobi allows a smile back, pretending they weren’t just mutually admiring each other’s bodies.
“You still stressed?” Jin asks after they have changed back into their regular clothes. They are sitting beside each other on the bench in the middle of the change room, and Hoseok is staring a hole into the floor. The whole situation feels entirely too familiar, yet…
He feels like he can talk to Jin. Talk to him about his performance. Bring up maybe extra catching practice with Hoseok or something, spending more time togeth-- oh.
Hoseok takes a deep breath. Here goes.
And then he chickens out. This was pathetic, he was the captain for goodness sake! He should be able to tell his teammates these things! Especially one who he’d been on the team with for more than a while! Someone he knew!
He feels tears pricking at his eyes, and feels like an absolute child, a total wreck, because of course he’s crying again . What kind of captain needs to get consoled multiple times by his teammate?
Hoseok takes a second breath. He’s nervous. He can yell at people all he wants while the practice is happening and the adrenaline is running through his veins, but here? In a quite change room, in a private conversation? This was much harder.
“I can tell you anything, right?” Hoseok says finally. because he isn’t too sure how to say what he wants to say, he wants Jin to be better, to be his best. For the team, of course. Yup.
“Yeah, of course,” Jin swipes his thumbs under Hoseok’s eyes, noticing the tears building there. And he’s entirely too close, but his hand is warm and comforting and Hoseok is able to hold back his tears for a moment. “You shouldn’t be stressed all by yourself. You shouldn’t hide it. We’re a team.”
“This… this is kinda hard to say,” Hoseok says, purposefully avoiding Jin’s eyes. The older is staring a little too intensely and that was really making the whole thing more awkward, and with his hand on his face…
“Well,” Jin says, unexpectedly. “In that case, I’ll go first. I love you too.”
“Huh?” Hoseok’s brain comes to a halt. “Wait, what?”
“What?”
“What?”
“I… no I.. that’s not what I?” Hoseok isn’t sure why, but his heart is hammering in his chest. Was this a joke? Was this another one of Jin’s terrible jokes? Was he… serious?
“Can we just... pretend that I didn’t just say that?” Jin pulls away awkwardly, laughing it off. “It… was a joke, I was just trying to break the tension. I didn’t expect you to take it seriously,”
“I, uh…” Hoseok nods, right. Of course, that’s what he was trying to do. “Sure, y-yeah.”
He wasn’t sure what to do with the vague feeling of disappointment that was left behind... along with an awkward silence. Hoseok isn’t sure what just happens but finally feels bold enough to revisit the original topic.
“I...uh. Anyways… I wanted to say that... I can’t pretend that I don’t notice everyone hating on you Jin, your performance has been... a bit stressful? For me? I was thinking maybe you and I could---”
“Great, so you just want to tell me that everyone hates me?” Jin scowls deeply, hurt etched into his face, more than Hoseok expected.
“What?” Hoseok had said that but… he wasn’t finished his sentence. He immediately regrets not thinking through his wording more carefully.
“Does that include you? Do you hate me now?” he stops to laugh, but it’s a pain filled laugh, not joyful at all. “Are you just so great and amazing at football that you never drop a throw? You just carry the whole team don’t you?”
Jin grabs his bag and heads towards the exit.
“HEY! Wait! What are you doing? Why are you leaving?!” Hoseok wasn’t done talking. This was a misunderstanding.
“Surprise, I have feelings and you just hurt them!” Jin shouts, face contorted as if he were holding back tears. He storms out, door slamming behind him.
Hoseok is left in the empty changing room.
“I just… wanted to practice alone with you,” he mumbled to himself, tears stinging his eyes for the second time that day. Except this time Jin isn’t there to wipe them away.
-
The next practice, Jin shows up late. Hoseok has half a mind to scold him. But he knows it’s his fault. He’s shocked he shows up at all. They don’t address each other, and Jin doesn’t even look at him even when Hoseok is giving instructions to the team.
He manages to somehow get worse at football, and ends up leaving the practice early.
And then he does it the next practice.
And the next.
Two weeks later, he doesn’t even show up.
“Ugh, I swear, if he wants to stay on the team Jin needs to actually come to practice, he sucks!” one of the linesmen is complaining. Hoseok turns to him.
“Listen,” he says, trying not to let anger seep into his voice, anger at his teammates, yes, but also at himself. This is his fault, and he’s been too scared to apologize. “He’s going through stuff that you have no idea about, and we are all supposed to be a team here. You can’t go bashing your teammates behind their backs!”
The boy stares at him, baffled.
“I have stuff going on and I’m still here,” he says, finally. Others around chime in and agree, nodding and looking at Hoseok like he should have all the answers.
“I’ll… I’m the captain, I’ll talk to him,” Hoseok sighs. “Just focus on yourselves for now.”
Hoseok tells them to leave early that day.
And then he just sits in the field by himself, staring at the grass from the edge of it all, debating on calling Jin.
He doesn’t expect the man himself to walk onto the field.
Hoseok panics because he doesn’t know what to do. He hides under a bleacher, like the coward he is, and watches him.
But suddenly, he’s curious. Because what could Jin possibly be doing here? Practice was long over, even by normal standards, so he couldn’t just be late.
Hoseok watches in silence as Jin begins running intervals. Back and forth across the field. And Hoseok realizes. He’s training. He’s training on his own. He wasn’t abandoning the team at all! He wanted to work hard on his own.
His heart swells, and he stands up. Jin doesn’t notice him right away, but he makes his way over to where he’s running, and when Jin turns around he nearly falls over.
“H-Hoseok!” he exclaims, panting. “I… I’m... I can explain! I mean I…”
“You’re practicing all by yourself?” Hoseok asks, smiling wide and stepping closer. Jin sputters, looking anywhere but his face. He waits for Jin’s response though, because he owes him that.
“I… didn’t want to disappoint anyone,” he finally mutters, and Hobi pulls him into a hug. “Especially not you.”
He feels Jin start to shake, and warm tears spill onto his shoulder. Hoseok is finally the one comforting Jin.
“You don’t disappoint me, Jin,” Hoseok pulls back, looking Jin in the eye. “You’re one of the hardest working people I know. Maybe you don’t have the same precision as some of the other guys, but you run faster and harder than all of them when we do drills. You always come early to practice, and you’re always staying last to go over things with me.”
“You said everyone hated me…” Jin frowns, and he’s still clearly hurt by the comment.
“I misspoke, and I’m sorry about that. Nobody hates you. It was just for the one play,” Hoseok tries to give him a reassuring smile, but he’s stressed again because he made a mistake as a leader and hurt the one person who tried to help him. “I wanted to ask if we could practice together separately. I tried to last time, you know? But it came out all wrong.”
“You... just wanted to practice more with me?” Jin furrows his brows. “I… didn’t get that at all…”
“I was nervous,” Hoseok said. “I feel like everything I do makes me fail as a leader, even asking you for help.”
“I’m… we’re close Hoseok, it’s not failing to have me help you…” Jin sighs, face scrunching up as he holds back more tears. “I thought I was getting rejected. I… I thought you were just doing it in an indirect way, making it about my performance or something.”
“Rejected?” Hoseok tilts his head. “What? Like from the team? I wouldn’t kick you off, Jin. You’re too integral to our plays, and you work far too hard for me to ever do that to you.”
“N-no, that’s…” Jin laughs through the tears in his eyes. “What? Why are we not on the same page here?”
“I’m not sure what page you’re referring to at all.”
“I… I basically confessed to you last time, did you forget?” Jin raises his voice a bit, mildly panicked.
“Wait, what? That was serious?” Hoseok feels his whole body flush. “I thought that was a joke!”
“No!” Jin shouts, but there’s almost a laugh on his tear-stained face. “I just tried to play it off like one! I thought you were going to confess to me!”
“Wait, you thought… what!” if his face wasn’t already beet red, it was now. “I wasn’t trying to confess!”
“I know that now …!” Jin emphasizes. “But at the time it was… we’d just seen each other half-naked, you were sitting so close to me, struggling to say something… I just thought you liked me!”
“So you tried to confess first ?” Hoseok says incredulously.
“Hobi, please, I’ve liked you for years. I couldn’t be the one to get confessed to, I had to say it first!”
Hoseok’s memories take him back to their first meetings, and how they clicked with their over-enthusiastic jokes. Their touchy-feely sessions at parties when they had 'being drunk' as an excuse to be overly clingy. How they always searched for each other while out on the field.
“I mean, I like you too but, years ??? Really?”
“Well it was -- wait what?” Jin freezes. “What did you just say?”
And Hoseok suddenly realizes. He’d thrown the truth right in Jin’s face. A truth he wasn’t even sure he’d been entirely aware of. The comforted feeling he had around Jin, how proud he was when he worked so hard, how much he admired his toned arms and…
It was stuff he didn’t pay attention to on anyone else.
“I… you heard me!” Hoseok covers his face. He’s so embarrassed he thinks he could cry. Again.
Jin suddenly pulls him into a tight embrace. He thinks that there’s probably nobody else he would rather cry with than him. He’s the big tough football captain who cries into his crush’s arms when things get tough.
And, he’s pretty okay with that.
“I’m so happy,” Jin says into his ear. “I thought… you would never like me.”
He pulls away to look into Hoseok’s tear-stained eyes. Fucking hell, he swears he doesn’t usually cry this much. Jin just, does things to him.
“I was going to just watch you from the sidelines forever, Hoseok. I never… I mean…” Jin pulls him back into a hug. “I love you so much.”
“Wow,” Hoseok feels a tear roll down his face. “I… I might cry… I’m--”
“You can cry?” Jin smiles at him. “I thought your only emotions were hunger and vague dissatisfaction with everything I do?”
Hoseok fakes a frown, then laughs through his tears.
“Wow rude,” he says, feeling more at home than he had in a while. Happier than before. “You know that I’m occasionally satisfied with you too.”
“Awww, thanks babe!” Jin laughs, and it’s probably the most charming thing Hoseok has ever heard.
“It’s a RARE thing, but I do try.”
“Ouch,” Jin says, but is still laughing. And then tears start to stream down Hoseok’s face, because what can he say? He’s a dramatic person. He’s a happy, dramatic person who doesn’t really know how to deal with his emotions, and so finally, they all just pour out at the most inopportune of times. Like the moment where you finally confess to the person you liked by accident, and instead of laughing with them you’re crying. Again.
It’s the third time that Jin is wiping Hoseok’s tears for him.
Except, unlike the last time, he lets Jin kiss him too.