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It had been the usual. He had seen her from across the common room, a timid 5th year from Ravenclaw whom he had never really spoken to but had seen throughout the castle from time to time. He saw her between classes and in the great hall and when their eyes locked she would smile then blush and immediately look away. He had to say it wasn’t completely out of the ordinary for him to have this effect on girls but it was an ego boost nevertheless.
When he’d seen her that night he’d had nothing on the agenda. None of the girls that he had seen took his fancy and those that did he tended to have a sticky past with so he figured it was best not to approach. She’d stood by the portrait hole with a friend that he didn’t recognise and with a quick look at his appearance in the reflection of a goblet he was ready to lay on his best moves. He sauntered over his boots clomping authoritatively across the concrete floor as he moved to force the sea of people to part ways. She’d been deep in conversation with her friend and this never noticed his approach until a pair of jean-clad legs appeared in her sight line catching her attention. She looked up and found him there stood before her a crooked smile on his handsome face as tendrils of his hair swept down across his ashy grey eyes.
‘Hey,’ he stayed with a voice as smooth as butter.
‘Um hi,’ she said looking down at the ground shyly.
‘Great party, huh?’ he said as she looked up. Sensing an end to their conversation her friend muttered her goodbyes and headed away from them allowing Sirius to move into her place near the fireplace where he rested his elbow on the mantle, looking at her with wonder.
‘Yeah, really good.’
‘Glad you came. I’ve never really seen you around here. It’s Y/N, right?’
‘Erm yeah,’ she said, with a simple smile.
‘I’m Sirius.’
‘Erm yeah, I know.’
And the rest, as they say, was history. Well, not exactly. The two of them had talked most of the night and Sirius had used his best lines. As the crowd thinned out they moved to the couches where they discussed almost everything. Sirius figured he had her hook line and sinker so by the low firelight and the gentle murmur of 70s rock he was bold and leant across and placed a kiss on her lips. She allowed him to but as he moved into it she didn’t respond and he could feel something wrong. As if it were a dance he was leading and she didn’t know the steps. Sirius pulled back and whispered softly,’ something wrong darling?’
‘No, it’s just. I’ve got to go,’ she said hastening to stand up,’ it’s late and I just.’
He tried to make an excuse to bring her around to talking to him about what was happening but there was no time. She was up and out of the door in record time and Sirius was left there stunned as to what he had done. She seemed to be on his wavelength. He thought she liked him. Maybe he had come on too strong, he didn’t know.
He saw her frequently after that. Either he hadn’t noticed how much she seemed to be in his life before or the universe was playing a cruel joke on him and was deliberately forcing them into each other’s paths. She didn’t say anything when they did meet, she merely smiled weakly and blushed crimson before scurrying away with her group of friends in a fit of giggles. Sirius attempted to speak to her, honestly, he did, but she was too hard to reach. She was too encapsulated in a gaggle of girls that he could never get her alone which was a fact he resented and so he went on the offensive and deliberately went out of his way to avoid her.
He didn’t know why but she got under his skin. Sirius knew girls. Since he grew a foot taller and lost his baby fat he’d been flocked to, with several of his female peers taking immediate notice and with his boyish charm and confidence he could wrap a girl around his little finger in a night. So why was she different? The more he quelled it over in his mind the more annoyed he got. It couldn’t be him. It must be something to do with her. She was uptight. Boring. Frigid.
That must have been it. It was only when he started to share his thoughts aloud with his friends that his opinions had become an issue. They had taken root like a fire and spread through the years at Hogwarts just as fast. He hadn’t meant to but he couldn’t help it. It was only on the night of the Halloween feast he found out the damage he had done. Like every Halloween, the great hall was flowing with food and decoration and everyone was filled with merriment. Sirius tried to enjoy himself though he couldn’t help but allow his eye to trace the Ravenclaw table for that familiar face he found himself searching for at every meal. Except it wasn’t there. Muttering some vague excuse for his exit from the table to his friends he moseyed over to where her friends were sitting and casually asked about her whereabouts only to be met with steely glares.
‘What’s it to you?’ sneered a redhead he didn’t recognise.
‘Yeah, haven’t seen enough sadness? Want to see it first hand,’ chipped in another.
‘What are you talking about?’ Sirius asked confused.
‘Everyone’s talking about her. Saying she’s frigid making up rumours all because of you and your big mouth. She’s locked away in her room crying. Hope you’re happy.’
‘I didn’t mean to-’ he started but her friends turned their heads away and ignored his pleas. Seeing how fruitless his efforts were he gave up and headed to the Ravenclaw common room in hopes of righting his wrong. He didn’t have to go far though as when he reached the entrance hall he found her upon the steps to the castle trying to draw up enough nerve to walk inside knowing that heads would inevitably turn to stare at her.
‘Y/N,’ he said catching her attention in an instant. She looked as if she were a deer in headlights and feeling the blood rush to her feet leaving her brain incapable of all thought she felt herself flee up the stairs before he could say anything further, ‘Y/N, please! Please don’t go! Wait up.’
She was fast, he gave her that, but his legs were longer and he was able to stride up the stairs quickly cutting her route of escape off. She sighed and looked at him trying to muster the will not to cry. Her eyes were red and puffy, her jumper splattered with small damp patches from the tears she’d spilled earlier after Kathy Leary had taunted her with the idea that it would be ludicrous for her to turn anyone away and she was lucky to have someone like that interested in her so she shouldn’t be such an Ice Queen.
‘What do you want Sirius?’ she said in a faux-authoritative voice that was lack-lustre as it quivered as she spoke his name.
‘I just wanted to apologise actually.’
‘Well, I’m sure you and-. Wait you want to apologise?’
‘Yeah,’ he said feeling heat creep up his face. He was unsure why he was feeling so nervous, he usually had no trouble speaking to girls. However, it was rare that he apologised so he supposed it could be that too, ‘look I shouldn’t have said what I said about you being cold and standoffish. I just didn’t understand why you didn’t want to kiss me I thought we were having such a good bight and-’
‘We were!’ she interjected.
‘So why didn’t you want to kiss me?’
‘Why do you automatically assume you deserve a kiss?’ she said finding a new wave of bravery as Sirius stood there too flummoxed to speak. She watched as the cogs turned in his mind. He supposed she was right though he’d never come across a girl that didn’t want to kiss him. Determined to get her point across, she continued, ‘so you think that just because you speak to a girl all night and the two go you get along you’re automatically allowed to kiss her? And if she doesn’t want to kiss you back you can spread nasty rumours about her?’
‘Of course, not.’
‘So why did you?’
‘I don’t know. I guess I just wasn’t used to it before. Whenever we have a party like that and I talk to a girl and it goes well once I read the room and get a sense she’s fine I don’t see a problem with trying a kiss.’
‘You didn’t ask. That’s the problem.’
‘What?’
‘Sirius,’ she sighed sinking to sit on the stone steps beneath them with a heavy weight resting on her, ‘you don’t get it. You see a pretty girl and chat her up and maybe at the end of the night, you kiss her or more. It’s not exactly like that for me. I chat with boys and they never really see me or take that much of an interest. If they do it’s rare.’
‘I’m not following.’
‘I’m not frigid or stuck up. Sirius… I’ve never been kissed and while I liked you it wasn’t exactly what I was imagining. You kind of sprung it on me so I freaked out and ran away. I thought I’d have a chance to explain myself but it never came instead I found myself hearing insane rumours about what happened and about me and I had to defend myself for something I had no say in.’
Sirius remained quiet for a moment as he looked at her in awe before he muttered, ‘woah. I’m really sorry I didn’t know. I guess I didn’t think about it like that.’
‘It okay,’ she sighed, ‘I know that you don’t get to pick what your first kiss is like but I wanted a little more romance. If that makes me stupid or an ice queen then so be it.’
‘Nah, I think it’s nice to want that stuff. It’s rare these days, sorry I stole your moment.’
‘I forgive you.’
‘Thanks. And I’m really sorry about what happened after.’
‘Good. Hopefully next time you’ll ask the girl before kissing her,’ she chuckled as she bumped her shoulder against his causing him to sway.
‘I will. And I’ll make it the most romantic thing she’s ever seen.’
‘That’s nice.’
‘Hopefully, she’ll say yes.’
‘I’m sure she will.’
‘Good because I only want to kiss one girl.’
‘Good.’
‘So, Y/N, want to go in a date with me?’ he said watching her with a crooked smile and nervous eyes. Y/N looked at him and smiled, ‘sure.’
That was 6 months ago. Their relationship had blossomed so much since then and Sirius had fallen harder than ever before. He didn’t know what it was about her. He never spent longer than a couple of weeks on a fling or ‘relationship’ but then she wasn’t like any of his other girls. She was totally unique to him and well he loved her. But he wasn’t sure how to go about it. You see, he had heard rumours about her leading guys on. He was sure it wasn’t true but he doubted himself when it came to his feelings. He was sat on the top of the hill that overlooked the Great Lake. The air was bitter and cold against his face but with his leather jacket wrapped around his athletic frame, he was warmed.
‘There you are,’ muttered a familiar voice from behind him causing him to turn around. Y/N appeared, trudging through the grass towards him before she eventually reached his side and dropped onto the ground with a thud as she leant in and gave him a peck on his cold cheek, ‘what are you doing out here? It’s freezing,’ she said wrapping her jacket a little bit tighter around her as she leaned into his side for warmth.
‘Just thinking,’ Sirius murmured.
‘About what?’ she asked.
‘I…’ Sirius started but he found his voice strangled.
‘What is it, baby?’ Y/N said looking up at him with a smile.
‘I just, woah this is hard. I’ve never done this before…but Y/N I think I love you.’
‘Oh Sirius!’ she said with a grin.
‘But I just. I’ve never done this before and I just gotta know how you feel too. You call me baby and my heart sings and I just want to know you feel the same way too because I’m jumping in harder than anything and I couldn’t cope if you don’t feel the same and… I heard that there’s been a couple of guys in your past that like you and you flirted for a bit but then just-’ his words were cut off by a pair of supple lips. He responded but the kiss was cut short as Y/N pulled away looking at him sadly.
‘Sirius Black. You are the dumbest man I’ve ever met. You’re right, there has been a couple of guys in the past but nothing ever happened. I wasn’t really interested in them, that’s not my fault. But you. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I love you, you big goon.’
‘You’re just diving right in there, huh?’
‘Headfirst baby.’