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Your name is Rose Lalonde. You are a human 20 year old Seer of Light, and a woman who is happy with her lot in life. You are married to the love of your life, one Kanaya Maryam, the Troll Rainbow Drinker Maid of Space and Caretaker of the Mother Grub. Said wife is currently taking care of the Mother Grub back home and awaiting the arrival of Jade to pick up a package as you have solo business elsewhere.
You are not quite sure why, but lately your Seer Powers have revealed that you need to be at a certain location and you must not bring anyone with you. It is quite vexing, as you usually know why your Seer Powers would lead you down a path. Not that you’d listen to it much nowadays. You’d much rather give up your Seer of Light abilities and any reminder of that godawful game behind you and live in the now, with your wife, a collection of good books, some writing implements, and a comfortable bed. Also, some wine (discreetly hidden away where no pesky significant other can confiscate).
Anyway, you can vaguely sense that it’s very important, but the lack of details frustrates you all the same. Especially since the more you ignore the feeling the more it presses on your mind. It was a splitting headache one morning that finally roused you from your happily ever after and somehow managed to convince Kanaya that you had to go do this alone.
Still, you’ve prepared for this. You spent a few hours each day to, as Strider would say, not be a grumpy old retired war veteran that gets too comfy in his ass couch to blow up a few more enemies and their helpless mooks and accidentally blow themselves up. By sheer coincidence, you actually did almost blast yourself when you tried using your wands and Light powers again. You will take that secret to your grave however.
Regardless, whatever is awaiting you at your destination, you are ready to face it alone. But just in case, you have Jade on speed dial in case things go south fast. You soar lower from the sky, clear the trees, and land in the opening between the trees. All things considered, it’s quite a peaceful place. It could be a pretty good place to get away from it all and get some much needed privacy to finish up one of your writing projects. As you wait for whatever it is you are waiting for, you take note that you’re somewhere in the human Kingdom, and if memory serves, it’s not that far from-
Suddenly you feel yourself being pushed by a gust of wind, and you brace yourself. Looking towards the source, you vaguely see what appears to be a shining gap between the trees… no, space. As wind continues to pour out of the gap, you can hear a high pitched noise as well as a vague silhouette coming from it.
You draw your wands from your Strife Specibus, ready for whatever curveball Skaia wants you to face on your own. As you get ready to blast the intruder, you can’t help but feel the sound sounds increasingly familiar and the formless blob starts taking a humanoid shape…
With a cry of “-aaaaAAAAHHHHHH!!!”, a figure barreled out of the Tear in Space, and straight into the trees. Steadying yourself from the lack of wind now, you can see the Tear has closed up. Turning in the other direction, you cautiously approach the groaning figure of-
“John?” You ask as you stand over the curled up body of your friend in his godtier outfit, still groaning. “What are you doing out here?”
Instantly the figure stood up, facing away from you, and you know something’s wrong. You haven’t met John in a while, but he seemed bigger than the last time you saw him. You’re also pretty damn certain he wasn’t transparent. Well, most of him is see-through anyway, for some reason his right arm is solid. He turns towards you, allowing you to see a rather ridiculous mustache on his face (and yet, it fits him) before catching you in the biggest hug you ever had in your life and starts peppering you with kisses.
what
WHAT?
You struggle against his immovable arms (curse his Mangrit!), as you feel a weird sensation on your back. Meanwhile, Not John says “Rose!” Over and over again, as he kisses you all over the face, except for… oh hell he’s looking right at your lips now. Better break the news fast.
“JohnIAmNotYourRose.”
“What?” He laughs, as he stops puckering up and stares at you with a grin. “Yes you are! You’re still only this high,” your eyes twitch but you let him continue, “you've still got the prettiest eyes this side of the universe, and hair that I sometimes blow with my windy powers without you knowing. Oh, is this one of your attempts at a joke Rose? Hahaha. You’re getting better!” Dammit, you’re going to have to turn that frown right side up.
“John, put me down for a moment and look at me.”
Not John obediently did as you ask and gave you a quick look. Then he gave you a long hard stare that frankly was starting to embarrass you a little. Damn his blue eyes! Then he pointed at your hand and said, “Rose… why aren’t you wearing our betrothal ring? Is that a wedding ring?”
“Because, John, I am A Rose Lalonde, but not your Rose. I am married to Kanaya.” Betrothed? Interesting. You have no idea what possible permutation of events lead to this particular outcome from one of your sessions, but all things considered, you could do a lot worse as you look up this alternate John up and- okay shouldn’t have had that quick sip before you left this morning. Alcohol is clouding your judgement and making you think things you shouldn’t think.
“What.” Not John said flatly. Then he looked around. Then looked all over again before turning his attention back to you. “... by any chance are we in the garden part of a spaceship?”
“I’m not sure what you’re referring to but no. This is the planet where my friends and I live.” You slowly approach this alternate John. He seems to be… if not exactly harmless, at least docile enough. “Why don’t you sit down over there on the log, and tell me how you got here.”
“I… I’m not… sure.” He began, as you lead him towards the your chosen seating area. “I… remember something urgent. We were in a spaceship. I remember a hand.” You note that Not John is unconsciously rubbing his neck and touching his chest. “Big hand.” Not John looked at his left hand, and straightened his hand and slowly extended his left arm forward. After examining his transparent arm, he looked down at his transparent body, before slowly turning towards you, his smile gone.
“Rose, I think… I think I’m dead.”
You let out the breathe that you didn’t realize you were holding. Alright, so now that he knows he’s dead, best to lighten the mood until… well until this is over. “You’re taking it rather well, all things considered. But yes, I surmised as much. Do you remember how it happened?”
“I remember getting choked and stabbed.” Not John said as he patted his chest. “Just pushed his hand through my chest like it was a sword or something. Man, I knew a Lord was powerful, but not THAT powerful.”
Interesting, this John apparently died to Lord English. While your curiosity is dying to know how that came about, you decide to comfort him before he fades completely away. “John, while it is regrettable that your life was cut short, there is no shame in standing up to a monster.” You say as you pat him on the back. Good, at least you can still touch him.
“Oh god, I don’t think I even said goodbye to you- well, not you, my you. My Rose I mean.” He says as he stares at you pitifully. Oh dear, that look is triggering your motherly instincts again.
“I’m sorry that you couldn’t say goodbye to her John.” You say as you scooch closer to him. “For what it’s worth, I’m sure your Rose knows you love her.” For an instant, you imagined what you would do had Kanaya died in front of you. Probably charge right in with no plan whatsoever and probably get stabbed or whatever. Better not tell him that.
“I just hope everyone’s okay without me,” he said quietly, looking more down than before, “this was our final chance.”
“I’m sure they will be John.” You lie, as you continue to look at his mostly transparent body. “It’s you I’m worried about.”
“Oh, right, the dead thing. I guess I’m going to fade away soon huh.” He turns towards you. “I’m just thankful I could see your face again before it’s over. Well, not your face. I mean a face just like my Rose. I guess that’s why I’m here, as I was stabbed I just wished I could see her again.”
“It’s alright John, I know what you mean. So let’s just wait it out until you… well… you know.”
“Yeah.”
You both stop talking as you stare at nothing, enjoying the forest sounds. Was this it? You were led here to comfort a Doomed Timeline John? You were expecting a fight against… oh… say… Jack Noir or something. But you wouldn’t say that comforting an alternate version of your Friend was a waste of time.
… that got you thinking about your John. How it’s been awhile since you last saw him. Heck, it’s been awhile you Snapchat with him. Maybe you should chat-
“Thanks Rose.”
You snap out of your thoughts. “For what?”
“For keeping me company. I’m not your John, and we’re not lovers, but even if we’re just acquaintances here, I’m still the luckiest guy in the multiverse.” He smiled at you, unaware of the pang of guilt you feel at his words. That’s it, you’re definitely chatting your John after you’re done here.
“Well, even if you are just a Doomed Timeline version of my friend who is out of his Dream Bubble, it’s still the least that I could do.” You say, looking away for a moment before looking back. Why is he looking at you like you just grew tentacles out of your head?
“Rose, are you going grimdark again or something?”
You frown, and tersely said “No I’m done with that business. Besides, I’m not talking in tongues anymore.”
“Well, because I’m not sure I understood what you just said. Doomed Timeline? Dream Bubble?”
You’re definitely confused now. Does this John not know about those things? “Yes, Doomed Timeline and Dream Bubbles. Dream Bubbles are where your ghost is supposed to end up once you die a final death, and Doomed Timeline means since obviously you’re not my John, so you probably came from a different timeline where you fought Lord English and lost.”
He’s still staring, but now he’s frowning. “No… the Dead Zone is where our souls go when we’re dead. Also, there’s more than different timelines? And also, we didn’t lose to the Dark Lord English. We beat him.”
Now you’re the one confused. “I’m sorry, you BEAT Caliborn, the Cherubim Lord of Time?”
“No, we beat Caliborn the Human Lich Dark Lord. And he wasn’t the Lord of Time, he was the Prince of Time.”
“Wait, wait, wait, I thought you said you died to a Lord?”
“Well yeah, to Lord Paradox, the Lord of Space.”
You feel the blood chill in your veins. There’s more than one of them. You’re having trouble breathing. You feel a hand rubbing your back before you hear a voice saying “Hey, Rose, what’s wrong, are you ok?”
You turn to look at him, his left arm moving back and forth, and now that you notice, his eyes still have their pupils even after realizing he’s dead. “Yes I’m fine thank you.” Here you are, getting comforted by a ghost from… Well you don’t know where now. “I don’t understand John, how did our timelines diverge so much?”
“You tell me. This is the first I’ve heard of timelines. I just assumed you were a Rose from a different Genesis Frog.”
“Different..? OH!” You say, louder than you intended and surprising this John. “You’re from a completely different multiverse!!”
“Well yeah, that’s what I assumed you were.”
Intriguing, that means in different Genesis Frogs, there can be instances of you with a completely different background. Which reminds you of something. “John, if you don’t mind me asking, have you ever lived on a planet called Earth before?”
“No, I’ve lived in Skaia all my life. I live- well lived in the kingdom of Crockerland. I’m the next king.”
Fascinating. “If you don’t mind my asking, what was I in your universe?”
“You were a Seer from the house of Lalonde, and you- well, she is my fiancé.” He says, showing off his ring. “But now I’m curious, what are we in this universe?”
You pause. What are you? Before all this mess began you would have said friend in a heartbeat, but these past few years…
No. You’re still friends. You’ll prove it.
“Friends. We’re nothing special like you or her, just normal kids living in the United States before the SBURB game started.”
“SBURB… oh! Just like the SRITE ritual we had back home.” He said, before frowning again. “Geez Skaia is everywhere.”
“Tell me about it,” you mutter, idly kicking your feet, “just when I thought it was over it turns out there’s another Lord out there.”
“Yeah, Lord Paradox is a jerk. Now you’re telling me there’s a Lord of Time too? Eesh. My Lord’s been invading Genesis Frogs all over, all in the name of his shitty ‘art’ masterpiece.” John says as he makes a silly face while air quoting art. You can’t help but smile at his antics. Even if he’s from a different universe, there’s still shades of John in there. “Why can’t he just take up painting instead of going around stabbing people and scattering them across the multiverse?”
Wait, what was that last bit? “Scatter across the multiverse?”
“Yeah, when he stabbed me, he said something like ‘I will tear your very existence across the multiverse, and nothing shall remain of you in this one.’ before lights flashed before my eyes and I woke up here. Dead, and fading away.”
“Well, not completely fading away.”
“Huh?”
“Your right arm is still solid for some reason.”
This John stared down at his right arm, before he suddenly stood up and shouted “OH MY GOD I FORGOT ABOUT THIS!”
“You… forgot about your right arm?”
“No, Rose, see, I touched Lord Paradox’s sacred treasure! Why are you giving me that look- oh, NO NOT THAT TREASURE! Anyway, long story short, touching it with my right hand gave me the ability to teleport any distance, and it gave me the power to jump between different Genesis Frogs! Or Lilypads. I don’t know, Vriska was debating about it with Kanaya when I just touched it.”
You massage your temples as this John rambled on. This is so familiar it hurts. “So… are you saying you can return home?”
“Yeah! All I need to do is this!” Not John said as his arm suddenly disappeared, seemingly into thin air. The end point where his arm disappeared is covered by a weird light, much like the tear you saw him appear from. “Rose, thank you for keeping me company, but I’ve got to return to my friends. Bye!” With that, John moved forward and disappeared in a flash of light.
Well.
That’s that, you guess.
You sit around awkwardly for a few moments, wondering whether you can go about your business now. Perhaps your powers led you here so you can learn about the Lord of Paradox Space, and prepare for the worst. Just as you stand up to leave, another flash of light appeared and Not John returned, looking rather sheepish.
“Did you forget something?”
“Umm… no…” Not John said, as he scratched the back of his head and shifted awkwardly in place. “It’s just… I thought my Genesis Frog was the next Lilypad over.” He looked back in the direction he appeared from, then turned back to you. “Did you know this Genesis Frog is surrounded by nothing but dead ones?”
“I seem to recall that in our session there were at least two dead ones. Are you saying you’re lost?”
“Yeah… it looks that way.” Not John looked back at his body, patting it experimentally. “I think Lord Paradox really did do what he threatened me with.”
“Spread you across the multiverse? Interesting. I think that would explain why you’re transparent.”
“How do you mean?”
“This is just a guess, but I think due to a combination of your Godtier powers as an Heir of Breath,” you glance at John, who nodded to confirm that he is, “and your space jumping power allowed you to stay conscious despite being spread all over space.”
“Huh, I guess that kinda makes sense.” Not John said, glancing at his left arm again. “So I guess I need to… jump across every Genesis Frog until I meet up with my other split parts?”
“That seems inadvisable. For one thing, you have no idea how many of you were made when Lord Paradox split you apart. Second, even after you find all of, well, you, I’m not sure if you can combine again, and I’m not sure how long you can last as you currently are, and your other yous will probably be jumping all over the multiverse as well. Lastly, let’s say you managed to become one again… how will you return home? Can you tell when you’ve arrived at your Genesis Frog?”
“Oh. Uhh. Well… well I’ve got to do something Rose! I can’t just sit around here and do nothing! Rose and my friends are waiting for me! Oh god they’re still fighting Lord Paradox, I’ve got get back to them NOW!”
“John, calm down,” you start, as you reach for his right arm to rub it and soothe him. What happened instead was you suddenly feeling fatigued like you just went on a marathon, or one of Dave and Terezi’s crazy training sessions.
“Oh geez, Rose sorry!” Not John said as he immediately distanced himself from you. You feel much better. “Sorry, I forgot to mention, touching the treasure also gave me a side effect of draining someone’s Skaian powers. I don’t know what’s happening though, it wasn’t supposed to drain without me doing it.”
“What the hell kind of treasure is- why are you glowing?” Not John is glowing now, and he fell to his knees clutching his head.
“Uugghh, words… somebody’s trying to communicate with me.” You carefully position yourself so you can hold John without touching his right arm. “Coming… together… need destination? Images… so many of me… so many of you- oh hey neat one of you has tentacles for legs. Another has a beard? Ow, they really insist on a destination.”
Destination? You look at Not John, still grimacing and rubbing his head. You assist and give him a massage as you let your mind wonder… you look at his right arm again.
You finally understand why you’re here.
“John, I think this is going to hurt both of us, but trust me.” You say as you reach for his right hand and grasp it tight. Images and words flood your mind, as you see multiple versions of yourself and John. John looks the same as the one you’re holding, but your alternate selves… most of them look somewhat like you at various ages, though some are of different body types and even race. You’re pretty sure you saw a few animal yous and a few you’re not sure what you’re looking at. An energy based life form? All the while, words such as WHERE, DESTINATION, FIND IT keep ringing inside your head.
Focus, you berate yourself. You let your Seer of Light flow to you, as you the images fly by and the words drown themselves out. Focus, find the best location for them to gather- THERE!
You found it. You quickly zoom in, at first it looked like a giant pond. Zoom in, a group of Genesis Frogs sitting on lily pads. Zoom, a Genesis Frog that was previously hidden by Void powers. Zoom, into the eye and into a Universe. Zoom further, into a galaxy, into a solar system, past it and onto a spaceship. Zoom even further, into a particular part of it, the bridge you think. One final zoom, and you see her… this John’s Rose. She’s flat on the ground, her godtier Seer of Lights stained by blood here and there, and you can see wounds all over her. But her eyes are open, and looking with a blaze in her eyes towards… you risk a glance before returning to focus on Rose. Something big and tall turned to look towards you when you tried to look at whatever this Rose was looking at.
“John, I found it.” You tap Not John’s shoulder. “The destination. Focus on my mind, can you see her?”
“Yeah, I see her! I see her Rose!”
“Good, just keep her image in your mind, and focus on returning to her side. Can you do that?”
“Yes!”
“Excellent. Goodbye John of Crockerland, it’s been… confusing, but good luck.”
“Thank you Rose of… umm… Earth!” He turns his head towards you, and to your embarrassment you can see tears in his blue eyes. Oh dear, you’re still no good with these public displays of affection. “I don’t know how to repay you! No wait, find your John and make him do something to make you happy.”
“I- John my version of you and I haven’t been exactly been on friendly terms.” You blurt out. Dammit, why did you say that?
“What?” He turns to you, his hands dropping to the side. “Was it me? Did I do something stupid? Did I say something wrong? Did I prank you after you asked me to stop?”
“We just… sort of… drifted apart.” You finished lamely.
Not John stared at you for a few seconds before standing up, set his left arm on your shoulder, and stared directly into your eyes. You curse your easily swooned self as you feel your cheeks heating up.
“Rose, if this John is anything like myself, please don’t leave him alone.” He said in a serious tone. “Please don’t give up on me. I know I’m asking a lot from someone I just met, and you just did me the biggest favor a stranger ever gave me, but please don’t give up on our friendship.”
You look into his eyes. It’s like you can feel him trying to transfer some of his determination into you. “Of course John.” You smile at him. “I won’t give up a friend, much less my friendleader.”
“Heh, looks like we have something in common after all.” He smiled back. Then he moved away and looked away, waving his arm around. As you look on, you see that the arm seems to glow more in a certain direction. It seems that’s the way home. “Alright Rose, this is goodbye for real. Thank you for everything you’ve done, I have no idea how to repay you.”
“Don’t worry John, you’ve already repaid the favor.”
“I did? How?”
“You reminded me of what I almost lost.”
He looked confused for a second, before realization dawned on him and he flashed that goofy grin that always fit John Egbert. Even if this one has a mustache. “Glad I could help. Don’t worry about Lord Paradox, me and my friends will take care of it. I’m coming ROOoossee…”
With that final cry, Not John disappeared. You realize you’ve been waving your arm all this time, and lower it. You wait a bit just in case there’s something else, but the feeling you’ve had has disappeared. Your task is finally complete. Unless you’re mistaken and missed something else, you just received a reminder to rekindle your friendship with one of your oldest and dearest friends, and perhaps saved all of Paradox Space from a jerkass Lord. Again. Not bad for a day’s work that basically amounted to a therapy session. Speaking of the day...
You glance at your phone’s clock. Good, there’s still time. You levitate from the ground, and fly towards your new destination. Your fatigue has disappeared, with a new sense of determination replacing it.
“Don’t worry John.” you say, as the countryside zooms past you. “I won’t miss your Birthday.”
Along the way, you wonder where you can get some fake tentacles and beards.
Your name is Rose Lalonde, and you’re off to reconnect with an old friend of yours.
————
Your name is Rose Lalonde, Lord of Space, and you just had a weird occurrence. Just now, what seemed to be an adult alternate universe version of Jhon- sorry, John Egbert, suddenly appeared in front of you. He’s so much like your old John it kind of hurts to talk to him. He seemed to have an adverse reaction when you revealed that you were a Lord of Space, though he calmed down soon enough. Strange arm, it even managed to drain some of your powers. For what it’s worth, you’re glad that you could be of help, using your space powers to connect all of the John’s together. You were amused to learn that there were versions of yourself that were Seers of Mind and Light, if the voices and visions in your head were any indication. But now that the distraction is gone, it’s time to get back to business.
Your name is Rose Lalonde, and you have a corruption to take care of.
————
Your name is Rose Joestar, and you thought one John Egbert suddenly appearing in your life was strange. Just now, a second one appeared, though this one seems to be older. Just as suddenly as he appeared, he disappeared, but not before you had sometime to talk. He seemed amused that he’s not the first intruder to this universe, much less being a second alternate universe John. He was confused as to why you’re on a quest to kill Jade Harley, but in the end he accepted that alternate universe shenanigans are afoot and circumstances vary wildly. He was particularly interested in Stands, and much like his counterpart, was very disappointed that it’s very unlikely that he’ll develop one.
As for yourself, you find yourself fascinated as he regaled you of his tale of Skaia and the adventures he had when he was alive. Which it turns out he still was. Honestly you’re a bit confused towards the end, but he seemed happy when he said his farewells before disappearing. You are concerned that this John also displayed an almost… eager disposition towards sacrificing himself and proving his worth. Do all Johns have this much need to show their value?
Oh, speak of the devil, here comes your John.
“Hey Rose! I just finished flying over the city and boy are my arms tired!”
“Ha. Ha.” You roll your eyes at his joke. “So how did it go?”
“Nothing. I didn’t see any signs of a Stand User. Nobody tried to attack me or anything.”
“John, your suicidal tendencies truly worries me. It even transcends universes.”
“Roooooooose me volunteering to scout out enemies because I’m effectively immortal is not suicidal! And what do you mean transcends universe? Is it because I came from the alpha timeline?”
“Oh it’s nothing. So, we’ve still got time until our meetup with Eridan and the others, why don’t we walk around and see if there’s anything interesting around here?”
“Wait, really?” John stopped floating around in front of you to turn towards you. “No going straight to Egypt to get this over with?”
“It’s not as if sitting around waiting for our comrades to return will be a much better use of our time. This way at least we can see if you missed somebody flying around up there, not to mention some quality time between us.”
“Oh ok, sure. Oh hey, we’ve got to check out this one place I saw! It really looks interesting!” You follow John as he continued to describe your destination (very animatedly) and guide you there.
Your name is Rose Joestar, and while you’re still on a quest to save your mother, it wouldn’t hurt to spend some time with your friend while you wait for the others to get back.
————
Your name is Rose Lalonde, heir and ward to Lord English, but secretly waiting for the right moment to take him and this sick Program of pitting students against students down. You’ve come to expect many things since that godawful ‘game’, betrayal from everyone, threats and attacks in any location, and cruel and unusual methods of ‘training’ from your benefactor.
What you weren’t expecting was the sudden appearance of your dead best friend, John Egbert. For all of your infamy for being cool, calm, and collected at all times, you’d be the first to admit that you lost it when he tried to hug you. You remember screaming into his face “YOU'RE NOT JOHN!” and “HOW FUCKING DARE YOU LOOK LIKE HIM!”, and even tried to kill him. When he kept disappearing and reappearing no matter how you tried to hit him, you basically broke down right there and cried. Not your proudest moment to be sure.
After calming you down, you found out that he was an alternate universe version of your John. You soon got to talking (after making sure that you were alone and that no one was listening in), and you were soon lost in his tales of adventuring in the land of Skaia. You can’t help but imagine yourself taking part in it in place of his Rose. Though you were amused to learn that you and him were more than friends there.
You were reluctant to share your story, but dammit, John always knew how to get you to open up. You could visibly see him getting more and more crestfallen as you continued your story, as your friends died one by one in this student battle royale massacre. When you got to the end where your John sacrificed himself so that you could live and show that he stayed himself despite the hell that was that place, and that you and Roxy were secretly trying to overthrow Lord English, he once again gave you a hug. This time, you accepted it.
After giving you a short speech that went along the lines of “never give up Rose!” And “you’re stronger than you think you are!” And even “Lord English is no match for your awesome eyepatch” (that got you smirking, a very rare occurrence), his arm suddenly started glowing. He quickly said farewell, thanking you for keeping him company, and vanished from sight, as if he were nothing but a very weird daydream. For a moment you thought it was just a hallucination, brought on by too much stress from your duplicitous life.
But no, you decide it was real. Somewhere out there, there is a world where you and your friends are alive and well, where this cruel game doesn’t exist. And dammit, you’re going to make it happen here. It might take you a long time, and Lord English is a very formidable foe, but you’re going to see it through to the end.
Your name is Rose Lalonde, and you close your eye and let yourself remember a time when you and your friends were happy. When you open your eye, your determination to kill Lord English and shut down the Program has never been stronger. This will be a world where any Rose, John, Dave, and Jade will be glad to visit.
————
All of your names are Rose Lalonde. Or, it might be a derivative of it, or it might not be your name at all. You might not look the same, you may not live in the same Genesis Frog, you might not even be the same species. You might be a player of SBURB or a variation of it, or you might not be. What is important is that today, all of you have done something you all agree is for the best. Today, you have all helped a John Egbert return home, no matter how big or small your help was, and some of you might have learned something from this chance encounter.
He is not your John. He is not your husband, your lover, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your friend, your upperclassmen, your leader, your rival, your coworker, your underling, your sworn enemy, your arch nemesis, your previous acquaintance, or your anything.
But he is a Rose Lalonde’s John Egbert.
That is reason enough for all of you to listen, talk, and if possible, help him.
————
All of you are John Egbert, separated into virtually countless bits of yourself by an enemy. But now it’s time to unite once again and become whole. As your different selves fuse into your whole self once again, your one thought is of Rose Lalonde. Your Rose. You fly through space, getting ever closer to your destination, as the lights of Genesis Frogs zoom past you as you return to your universe once again and your other selves merge.
John Egbert of Crockerland is coming home, and you have all of the other Roses to thank.
————
Your name is Rose Lalonde. You and your sister are the last of a long line of Seers, the House of Lalonde. You are (were) betrothed to John Egbert. You and your stalwart companions are currently fighting a gigantic douchebag from beyond your Genesis Frog who has screwed up all of your lives, and this is your last stand. Truth be told you would love nothing more than to return to whatever remained of your home, find a pillow, and wail at how unfair the universe is, but there are far more pressing matters at hand.
To be precise, you are losing the fight against Lord Paradox. As you see your companions try to contain him, you wipe the sweat from your brow and spit out the blood in your mouth. Right, time to join the fray again. you think as you unsteadily get on your feet. You wonder where your wand went.
“Rose holy shit stay the fuck down, you just got hit by one of his meteors!” Dave yelled as he gave you a passing glance, which almost cost him dearly as a Beam of energy passed through him. Or where he was anyway. Luckily Jade managed to get to him in time, and Dave quickly flashstepped to your side and helped you stand. Jade immediately continued her efforts to mitigate as much of Paradox’s attacks.
“I’m fine Dave.” You lie, which from his grimace he doesn’t believe. “Besides, you look like you need all the help you can get.” Ahh, now you remember. You stabbed that bastard in his arm with your wands. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now you’re weaponless.
“You’re telling me! Paradouche is taking everything we’re dishing out and giving back harder! It’s like a shitty and slightly more violent version of present one upmanship.” He said, as you both did a no-longer-a-youth roll to evade the slash shockwave sent your way, landing near Kankri and Terezi. By the looks of it, they’re both taxed to the limit to relay commands to everyone and foresee the path of battle.
“Rose you’re finally off of your lazy ass!” Terezi said, as she turned to look at you and missed your location by at least 45 degrees. Kankri helpfully steered her to face you. “Rejoin our link already, we have got to find a way to get that blasted thing off of him.” Terezi pointed towards what you think she meant to be your mutual enemy, but instead is pointing at Kankri. He again moved Terezi so she pointed at Lord Paradox and that ugly thing on his head.
You struggle to remember what it was called, but yes everything went to hell when he wore that thing. It’s taking everything all your mind influencing trolls have just to negate him from dominating your minds, and all your telekinetic trolls to prevent him from just lifting you up and snapping your necks. The Crown of Horns, that’s what it was called. Your Space players already have their hands full preventing and healing the carnage he’s doing without that thing. You’re going to have to do something about it.
“Terezi, Kankri, I’m going to need you guys to hold on for just a bit longer. Dave, follow my lead and cover me.” You say, and without waiting for confirmation you dive right into the fight once more. You dodge and weave as debris of the spaceship’s throne room dart this way and that, and stop as a stray energy beam appeared in front of you before darting onwards towards your goal: the wands you stabbed in his arm. You hear Dave yell as he Sliced through whatever was sent your way and Jade as she reduced the size and speed of a Meteor that was heading towards them. Sollux raised the tile you were on to dodge a beam blast as Calliope undid the space distortion of infinite distance blocking your path. After it’s mended you’re finally within reach of Lord Paradox.
Luckily he is facing away from you, screaming as he blindly attacks. It’s probably because you forced the Horrorterrors to try and possess him. Speaking of… ahh, there’s your wands, still sticking out of his right arm. You turn and gave a signal to Terezi, who hopefully will relay your plan. Nodding, Terezi took on another look of concentration as you notice Jade, Kanaya, Porrim, and Calliope flying your way.
The four Space players concentrated and soon Lord Paradox stopped his erratic movement, though it does little to stop him opening a gate to summon more objects to hit you. Fortunately, Roxy, Equius, and Horuss arrived just in time to help remove the various celestial objects he’s trying to pelt you with as you grasp the wand and pull hard. Goddammit, it’s stuck! Then you notice you can’t move. Uh oh.
With a scream, Lord Paradox was free of whatever was holding him and knocked your four Space players down. With nothing stopping him, he zapped you in front of him and starts choking you. Evidently all your other players are down as well. Dammit, and this was the path your vision sent you down?
“You…” he growled. “I will take great pleasure in killing you. You should have surrendered when you had the chance. You could have been a part of my empire...” You would have said a scathing reply, but he’s literally choking the life out of you. “I will tear your very existence across the multiverse, and nothing shall remain of you in this one.” as Lord Paradox finished, his hands glowing, in repeat of what he did to John.
… John…
You can’t help it. It’s frustrating and humiliating, but you start shedding tears. You don’t know if it’s because it finally hit you that John is gone, or if because in the end you couldn’t avenge him. That’s it. Game Over. Lord Paradox won, and he’ll continue his conquest across the multiverse in the name of his shitty art.
You see Lord Paradox open his mouth and you think he’s laughing, but you can’t hear anything anymore. Your body slowly loses its feelings, as your head starts to hang limply backwards. If this is going to be the end, at least you can be with John again, you think as you stare straight above.
… well that was fast. You see a bright light directly above you, and you can vaguely see a shape coming towards you. You think up a few teasing lines like “Goodness John, you seem very eager for me to join you in the afterlife”, but really, you’re just glad to see him one last time before the end.
…
Wait, that’s really John. He’s barely more than a blob in the middle of a small spot of light, but that really is him. Somehow, he did it. John Egbert actually found a way to come back from a Heroic Death! You have no idea how he did it, but you’ll be damned if you’re going to let this chance go.
Struggling, you force your body to look at Lord Paradox, and just as you feared, he’s looking up. You’re not sure what he’s saying, but you can barely make out his other hand making the levitating gesture. Sure enough, you can see Jane and Roxy nearby, levitating and choking at the same time. Presumably he’s doing it to everyone else as well. Just a little longer you thought. Just keep looking at the pretty light, and I’ll show you how bright lights can be. You feel his grip on your neck slacken a bit as he raises his hand towards John, and you press the advantage as you grasp your wands and use every last bit of your strength unleash a blast of light right into his arm.
Screaming (or at least you think he’s screaming, you still can’t hear anything), Paradox released his grip on your neck as everyone else dropped to the ground, just as John goddamn Egbert rematerialized and smashed Lord Paradox right in the face. Unfortunately, your last act of defiance took its toll on you, and everything is dimming as you see John fly towards you...
————
Your name is John Egbert and you just had a really weird experience, but there’s no time to elaborate, your friends need you. You can barely make out what lies beyond the exit of this weird tunnel of light you’re in, but it’s clear enough to know that Lord Paradox is choking someone. Even if he appears to have grown like a bajillion horns. As you near the exit however, a blast of light seems to burst out of his arm. ROSE! No time to lose, as soon as you exit the tunnel, you equip your Warhammer Pride of Crockerland. You immediately swing with all your might and scream at the top of your lungs, “STOP HURTING ROSE!”
You channel everything you have into your hammer, focusing all your aspect into the end that’s currently smashing Paradox’s ugly face, until at last your hammer breaks as a mighty burst of wind hits Lord Paradox with all the force you can muster, shattering that weird Hat of Horns he was wearing. Also it apparently shattered his head, since it basically exploded as his blood rained all over his throne room and his body is sent careening towards his throne, destroying it as he continued to smash through the walls to the room behind it.
You quickly fly to Rose, who is closing her eyes as you carefully lift her. “Rose I’m so sorry I worried you, but I’m here now. Please, please wake up.”
“John oh my god you’re back!” You hear your sister Jane as she gives you a quick hug, gives you a quick once over, then shoves you aside to heal Rose. You wanted to ask her if she’s going to be okay, but then you get dogpiled by pretty much everybody. Considering your considerable numbers, that is quite a feat. You can barely hear them say “EGBERT YOU DUMB ASS DON’T YOU EVER MAKE US WORRY LIKE THAT AGAIN!”, and “Goddammit bro, if you could come back from a Heroic Death you should have told us!”, and “Joooooooohn you’re late! Don’t make me worry like that you blockhead!” but there was only one voice that got his full attention.
“Indeed John, you should have told us if you know of a way to further even the odds for us.”
“ROSE!”
You shove Jane aside (unnecessarily but fair is fair) and embrace her. Rose is here. Your Rose. Not one of those other Rose Lalonde (who are lovely people), but your Rose Lalonde, the love of your life, your best friend, and the most important person in your life. “Missed me already John? You were only gone for a few moments.” She teased, though the effect is ruined by her sniffing and the tears streaming down her face. Not that you’re in much better shape, you’re pretty sure you’re spreading tears and snot all over her back.
“Rose, you won’t believe where I’ve been! I met you- well, not you you, but another universe you, and they all helped me come back-”
“Guys, finish up fast, because this isn’t over yet!”
Hearing Jade’s voice, you look to where she’s pointing. Sure enough, you recognize the unmistakable glow that is Godtier Resurrection as Lord Paradox’s body floats in the air and his head regenerates, his glowing eyes seemingly locking onto you.
“Well,” You begin, as you pull out your spare Warhammer, squeezing Rose’s hand, and you smile to her and your friends before turning back towards your enemy. “Time to finish this.”
Your name is John Egbert. You are proud and honored to be the heir to the kingdom of Crockerland, to be betrothed to Rose Lalonde, and to be the Friendking to your merry band of heroes. As you charge towards the still resurrecting body of Lord Paradox with your companions following behind you, you know in your heart that all will be well.