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When Kuroo came home after a long day of work, dejected, tired and sluggish, Kenma could tell at first glance that something was wrong. He could barely summon his characteristic grin when Kenma greeted him at the front door and the version he mustered was more than just a poor imitation. His suit jacket was dragging behind him until he heaved it onto the nearest surface.
Kenma frowned and spoke in a soft voice. “Dinner is ready in the kitchen. Eat, I’ll get the bath ready.”
The former setter left his boyfriend in the hallway, convinced he would follow his badly disguised order without a complaint. In the bathroom he filled up the tub, patiently waiting for the water to warm up until it was almost burning. Kuroo always liked the feel of water that was a little bit too hot. Made him feel a little more alive, he’d say. Plus, he could stay in longer without getting cold.
Kenma wondered if he should add bathing oil and decided in its favor. Soon, the smell of sandalwood filled the steamy air.
The job done, Kenma entered the kitchen again. Kuroo was already finishing up his meal, gathering the dishes. The raven looked up to his boyfriend with a tired smile. Kenma could tell he was going to apologize for his mood again. It was a bad habit of his, feeling sorry for dragging other people down or something comparably stupid like that. Kenma would not hear of it.
“Don’t say anything. It’s alright, I don’t mind.” He stretched his hand out gingerly to reach out for Kuroo. “Come, the bath is ready.”
He grabbed his boyfriend by the hand and lead him to the bathroom. Kuroo followed without protest. Arriving in the bathroom, he let go of Kenma, avoiding facing the mirror even though the steam of warm water made it impossible to recognize anything anyway.
Kenma waited for Kuroo to start undressing. When the raven did not move, however, he stepped up conscientiously. Fingers glided from his boyfriend’s shoulder blades to the buttons of his shirt. Kuroo was avoiding looking at him, too. The dress shirt slid down, pooled at his feet and it took some effort for Kuroo to lift his arm so Kenma could help remove the shirt he had been wearing underneath. Pants and socks as well as his boxers followed soon after.
Completely undressed, Tetsurou stood in the middle of the room looking completely lost, shoulder’s drawn. Carefully, Kenma turned on the shower and guided his boyfriend into the stall. Watching his boyfriend under the continuous stray of water, his mouth spread into a wistful smile. He seemed a little bit broken. The calming smell in the air steadied Kenma’s heart. He was so painfully in love with this idiot after all.
He, too, undressed quickly to avoid his clothes from getting wet and stepped in behind Kuroo to help him wash. When the water hit him, he startled. It was still cold. And Tetsurou had made no move to adjust the temperature. Kenma did for him, then. After the water had warmed up considerably, the former blonde grabbed a washcloth and soap.
Covering Tetsurou’s back in a foamy layer first, he could already feel the knots tightening his muscles. This had been building up. With concentration he made sure to not forget a single spot, smoothing every line from his shoulder blades to the swell of his behind. Tetsurou was still looking down, leaving Kenma unable to make out his expression. He was sure it would not tell him much anyway. Tetsurou had a habit to close in on himself when he got like this.
Exchanging the soap for the cloth, Kenma started to retrace the path he had taken on Tetsurou’s back. Scrubbing and applying gentle pressure where his muscles were protesting. Remembering past occurrences like this. It didn’t happen often, but when it did, it came with no warning at all. Despite of Kenma’s ongoing pleas to not keep bottling everything up, this was something Tetsurou was still bad at after all these years.
The atmosphere was different from the times they cleaned up together after a thorough love-making. Where usually they exchanged blissed out smiles and hushed jokes, the silence now was stifling. Even the sound of tippling water did not change anything. Kenma did not mind it too badly. Sure, he’d prefer for Tetsurou to always be happy, but he accepted him being like this all the same. It was gratifying to some extent, being able to pay back his lover for all the care he always received with gentle ease.
Like that, he continued working slowly, calmly. Moving from his back to repeat the same routine on Tetsurou’s arms, his legs, his front. Tetsurou was still avoiding his gaze.
Pulling Tetsurou down to be able to reach, he washed his hair next. Lingering and massaging his scalp, scratching behind his ear the way he enjoyed when the two of them were relaxing on their couch. Nonetheless, Tetsurou made no sound.
Rinsing him of the suds, Kenma slid his hands down Tetsurou’s back. Head coming to rest between his shoulder blades, he engulfed his boyfriend in a loose hug. Despite everything, he still felt the other’s warmth, chest rising with each toned-down breath in, dropping again after. Just a little bit too fast. This was still the Tetsurou he knew. Everything would be okay. His arms around his boyfriend tightened, hoping to convey exactly those thoughts. I’m here for you. You are here with me.
Breathing in against his back, he wanted the other to feel he was there. He let go reluctantly after a moment. Stepping back only to grab Tetsurou’s hand again, he did not like the idea of them not touching even for the shortest second. Exiting the shower, Kenma lead him to sit down in the tub, the water still the slightest bit too hot but bearable.
But even when he was seated, the hot water surrounding him, Tetsurou would not relax. Seeing him sit in the bath, completely rigid, legs pulled up and knees to his chest, he seemed so small. It reminded Kenma of the time they still were children. The nights they shared, crying when everything became too much to handle alone after his parents’ divorce, revealing their vulnerabilities only to each other. He felt a pang in his chest. Kenma hated to see the other like this. It hurt.
“Want me to join you?” He asked, voice still steady even if he felt anything but.
Tetsurou did not vocally respond, but years of knowing the raven told Kenma the answer was yes. He could tell from the slight hitch in his breath, the slight adjustment of his body. He requested Tetsurou to scooch up and make space for him with a motion of his hand. Getting in behind him, spreading his legs to encompass the mass of Tetsurou’s body. Kenma’s fingers trailed up his boyfriend’s naked back until he could reach around him, leaving goose bumps in their wake. Then he pulled him in to rest his back against his chest and held him close again, both of them embraced by the warm water, adding another loving layer.
In his arms, for the first time that evening, Kenma felt Tetsurou breath in deeply and suddenly, he was able to breathe in more freely, too. He hadn’t noticed before, but the invisible grip worry had on him suddenly disappeared. It would be fine.
Kenma did not say a word, letting Tetsurou listen to his heartbeat. Even after years of being together and constraint he felt in this situation, it still skipped a beat due to their closeness. Some things just would not change no matter how much time had passed.
From where his hands were resting on Tetsurou’s chest, Kenma could make out the slient thump of the raven’s own heart. Together with the smell of sandalwood that still permeated the air, it was grounding. Kenma sincerely hoped his boyfriend felt the same.
Slowly, he let his fingers wander under the water. Moving down to Tetsurou’s abs, tracing absent-mindedly until he met the hands settled on his stomach. Capturing one of them, Kenma turned the palm to look upward. Intertwining their fingers, stretching his arm and breaking through the barrier of water. Tetsurou’s arms had always been longer than his own even after his sudden growth spurt, leaving them to be angled slightly and Kenma had to raise their hands to be able to see.
The picture of it warmed his heart. He would never admit it out loud, but he loved the way they just fit. There was no other manner to describe it.
Kenma lowered Tetsurou’s hand again, back into the heated water, and smoothed across the all too familiar bumps, roughened from years of playing volleyball, with gentle strokes. Working from the tips of the fingers to the wrist and then back down to the fingers, until he felt the muscles relax.
Then, he flipped the hand over, causing a little bit of water to splash in the process. He massaged Tetsurou’s fingers, slid his thumb over the back of his hand with soft pressure and paying extra attention to the area between his index finger and thumb that felt especially tense. Kenma continued his ministrations, hands sliding up to work on his lower arm next, lead only be the feel of Tetsurou’s body.
At some point, Tetsurou buried his head in the nook of Kenma’s neck, his hair sticking to Kenma’s face weirdly and still not saying anything. The two of them were completely silent. The only sound coming from occasional splashes of water when Kenma broke through the its surface. He felt Tetsurou’s breath, tickling and steaming hot, shivering whenever Kenma was working on a particular stiff patch, sighing in relieve when the tension was eased. Sometimes shivering for no apparent reason. He might’ve been crying. Still, Kenma did not say a word.
The water had cooled down to a pleasant warmth, the oil and scent contributing to helping Tetsurou relax and it did not take long into the ongoing massage that he turned completely lax in Kenma’s arms, breathe evening out. The former setter cradled him closer again, nuzzling into the crown of Tetsurou’s hair, hands still intertwined and not wanting to part. Not only did Tetsurou loosen up physically, but Kenma felt his whole being softening. The walls where finally breaking apart, letting him in.
If he’d urge Tetsurou to look at him now, his face would reveal everything. Instead of doing that, he waited for the raven to search for him instead. Eventually, when he did lift himself up, a crooked, tired grin adorned his face, eyes slightly clouded but grateful and so full of adoration, Kenma couldn’t ignore the twitch in his chest.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Kenma offered, finally, a noise other than the splashes of water and their skin rubbing against each other when one of them moved broke the silence for the first time in ages.
Tetsurou hummed, settling against the former setter again, grabbing Kenma’s hand out of his own initiative. He inspected his hand reminiscent of the way Kenma had massaged Tetsurou’s and feigned to be deep in thought. He was trying to close in on himself again.
But this time, Kenma wouldn’t let him. He grunted in displeasure and Tetsurou faced him again. They shared a long stare, communicating silently. Don’t close yourself off again, Kuro. Not on me, you hear me? Tetsurou snorted. The sound of it so sincere warmed Kenma’s heart.
And for the first time since Tetsurou got back home again, a real smile, honest and full of adoration for the man in front of him, found its way to his face. Finally, he had arrived home.