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One month. It had been one month since Viktor found out his secret. One month since his fiancé had promised to help him. One month since he felt the first bit of hope for getting better he had experienced in years. And it felt like it had all been for nothing.
Yuuri had, after his and Viktor's little 'discussion', started doing much better on the ice. It had felt as if all his stress had just evaporated away, and he finally managed to complete his new sequence without falling five times in a row! But, now, he was struggling with the next part of his routine and felt miserable. He wasn't tripping over himself or falling or anything, but his form wasn't perfect. Nowhere close. At least not to him.
"Great job, Yuuri! That one was much better than the last one!" Viktor called as the raven gave a smooth landing from his Quadruple Axel, then smiled at the Russian.
"Thanks!" "But it wasn't perfect."
Yuuri glared when he was facing away from Viktor. He had to try it again and get it right! If he didn't, he knew he would start getting that urge again, and he was not looking forward to a trip over Viktor's knee if he did and gave in. With that, he tried another Quadruple Axel, fumbling a bit when his skates left the ice and stumbling upon the landing. "Dammit!"
Viktor frowned and motioned him over, but he hesitated.
"Yuuri, please come here." he said gently.
The man huffed a bit and went over to him. "Yes?"
"Are you getting that feeling again? You promised to tell me if you did."
Yuuri shook his head. "No, I don't have it. I'm just a little frustrated." he said honestly. It wasn't technically a lie, he really was frustrated and he didn't have that urge.
Viktor sighed quietly and nodded, giving him a quick kiss. "Alright. Just don't worry about messing up a little, okay? It's not worth stressing over."
-
For a few days, that phrase had helped Yuuri keep trying and hold his head up when he didn't execute a jump perfectly. He would mentally repeat that phrase when he messed up and it kept him going. For a few days.
On the fifth day, he tried to do a combination consisting of a Double Toe Loop, a Double Axel, and another Double Toe Loop, and he fell during the Axel twice already. He was starting to feel like a failure again, but he was determined to get such a simple combination right. So, he tried it a third time.
And like the other attempts, he fell during the Double Axel, but this time he landed on his left shoulder.
"OW! Fuck!"
Viktor was almost instantly at his side and getting him on his feet, then quickly led him off the ice. "Okay, okay, let's take a quick break and get you calmed down, sakharok."
Yuuri didn't fight, he just looked down as he was gently sat on the closest bench.
"Yuuri, I want you to be completely honest with me. Are you getting those feelings again?" the Russian asked.
He hesitated for a moment, eyes starting to water before he finally nodded.
"Yes...It started when I fell the second time... I thought it would go away if I could get it right on the third try, but I messed that one up too...That's the only reason I didn't say anything right away..."
Viktor gently cupped his cheek. "It's okay, you did very well. You tried to find a way to get rid of the feelings without hurting yourself, and that makes me feel proud."
Yuuri let himself give a tiny smile. "Thanks..."
"Now, let's go on home and we'll take care of this, okay? There are others here today, and I assume you'd rather do this privately."
The younger man blushed and nodded, taking off his skates and putting them away. Once he was ready, they headed back to the onsen and were enthusiastically greeted by Makkachin when they walked inside. "Hey, girl! Sorry, we can't play right now. Later, okay?" Yuuri said, scratching behind her ear.
"Go put your bag away and change, then wait for me in my room. I need to check something."
The raven swallowed hard and nodded, quickly doing as told. He knelt in the center of the room, his fingers drumming nervously on his thighs while he waited.
"What could he have possibly needed to check? He doesn't usually feed Makkachin when we get back, or take her for a walk...Maybe he's seeing who's home so we know how quiet we need to be?"
He couldn't keep still as his nerves went crazy. Why was Viktor taking so long? Where was he?
Right as he was about to get up and start pacing, the door opened and Viktor stepped inside carrying an armless chair.
"Sorry about that, I had to find this and was making sure we're alone. Your parents left a note, they and your sister won't be back until around dinner time."
Yuuri nodded, eying the chair warily as it was set down a few feet away from him. Viktor crouched in front of him.
"Yuuri, look at me."
He complied.
"Do you understand why I'm going to spank you?" "Because I want to cut myself..."
The Russian stroked his cheek.
"Technically, yes. I'm going to spank you to give you the same release as you would get from cutting yourself so you don't have to hurt yourself. But it's also because you feel like you're failing me, and I want that to stop. If you were failing me, I would tell you as much. I love you, Yuuri, and I can't think of a better way to show it than helping you with whatever you need, anyway I can. Do you understand?"
Yuuri sniffled and nodded. "Yes, Viktor..."
Viktor kissed his forehead and stood up, offering him a hand to get up which he took. Yuuri looked up at him, freezing when he finally noticed the wooden spoon his fiancé was holding.
"W-What is that for?" he asked nervously. "In case you can't behave yourself. A wooden spoon can be quite the motivator!"
Yuuri paled. "You're going to spank me with that thing?!" he squeaked.
"Only if you don't behave, Yuuri. Calm down, I'm quite sure you can behave yourself just fine like you did last time, so there's no need to worry."
The Japanese man still looked a bit horrified at the thought, but he didn't fight when Viktor sat down and eased him across his lap. The spoon was held in the hand pressing down on his back to keep him in place as a silent warning to behave.
"Are you ready?" "As I can be, I guess..."
The first swat caught Yuuri by surprise, making him jerk a bit before the pace was quickly set and he tried to remain still. Not that it was easy.
It didn't take long before he started shifting uncomfortably over Viktor's knees. The Russian wasn't really holding back at all, and Yuuri knew it. He let out a quiet whine and tried to shift into a more comfortable position.
"Try to be still, Yuuri. I know it hurts, I do, but this will go a lot faster if you can hold still, okay?" "Y-Yes, Viktor!"
Viktor switched to his thighs, making him yelp loudly and grab the leg of his fiance's pants tightly. He shut his eyes and tried to take slow, deep breaths to remain calm.
"Very good, Yuuri! Keeping your breathing controlled really helps in this type of situation! Are you ready to move on to the next part?"
Yuuri whimpered, going a bit stiff. "D-Do you mean the spoon, or pulling my pants down?" "Pants. I told you I wouldn't use the spoon unless you couldn't behave."
With another whimper, he nodded and felt his pants being slowly moved down to his knees. Viktor's hand suddenly came down hard.
"OW!"
He quickly settled back into his original pace, though he was spanking a bit harder now. Yuuri whined and held his pants leg even tighter.
"It's alright, sakharok." "I-It hurts a lot more!" "I know."
Yuuri bit his lip hard, eyes shut tight. "Be still, he told you to and he thinks you can handle this! Don't let him down!" he thought.
He cried out and his eyes started watering when a few swats landed on his undercurve. He couldn't stop himself from kicking his legs a bit in an attempt to not squirm. Luckily for him, Viktor chose to ignore it.
"Almost done, okay?"
The raven gave a slight nod before crying out at his thighs being slapped. A few more spanks to them, and the tears slipped out. Viktor kept his focus on them and increased the pressure used to hold him down slightly.
"I-I'm sorry, V-Vitya! Ple-ease stop!" he suddenly wailed, going limp and just sobbing over Viktor's lap.
Viktor gave his undercurve a few extra swats before stopping and starting to gently rub his back.
"Ssshhh, it's okay, it's over."
He let Yuuri cry for a minute before helping him up and pulling his pants back into place, then stood as well and cupped his cheeks.
"Do you feel better now, sakharok?"
Yuuri hiccuped and nodded, rubbing his eyes. Viktor pulled him into a gentle hug and resumed gently rubbing his back. After a few minutes, the Japanese man was reduced to sniffles and nuzzled into his shoulder.
"That's it, ssshhh. You're okay, my little Yuuri, I'm right here."
He hesitantly pulled away and wiped his eyes. Viktor cupped his cheeks again and kissed his forehead, then his nose, and finally gave him a sweet peck on the lips.
"There we go. Do you want to lay down with me, maybe take a nap?" "P-Please..." Viktor smiled.
"Alright, I'll go put these away and meet you in your room in a minute, da?"
Yuuri nodded and gave him a tiny smile, heading to his room while Viktor returned the chair and spoon to where he found them before joining him.
Yuuri had laid down on his stomach to wait, still sniffling and trying to dry his eyes. The Russian laid on his side next to him and laid his arm across his waist.
"I'm proud of you, Yuuri. You came to me for help like you promised you would! I know it wasn't easy, but you did take a step in the right direction."
Yuuri smiled a bit and carefully moved onto his side to face Viktor, tucking his head under the Russians chin and wrapping his arms around his waist.
"Thank you, Viktor..."
The Russian gently kissed his forehead. "U menya k tebe chustva."
He smiled and gave a quiet giggle.
"Watashi wa onajiyōni kanjiru, Viktor."