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“Oi, Connor.” Hank nudged the Android, who was sitting beside him on the sofa, half drowning on one of Hank’s Detroit Police hoodies and staring at something near Hank’s lap. Connor looked up.
“Yes, Hank?”
“Call me curious, but-”
“Hello, Curious.” Connor deadpanned.
“It’s an expression, Connor.”
“Your name is Hank, but you asked me to call you Curious.” Hank saw that fucker smirk.
“Shut the fuck up with that Siri shit!” Hank elbowed the android. “Call me my fucking name.”
“Hello, my fucking name.”
“Fuck you, Connor. Right, so, I was curious, and-”
“And now you are my fucking name. Or have you changed your name again?” Connor tilted his head. “What is it now?”
“Connor!”
“Now you really are my fucking name.”
“Fucking-”
“That will make things confusing; if we are both called Connor.”
“I see you fucking smirking, you little shit.” Hank scowled. “It’ll just say it. I googled what you said about LED colours and it says you got a green LED setting?” He questioned, holding out his tablet for the android to see.
“Correct.” Connor smiled, not looking at it.
“Explain.”
“I am certain ‘Google’ already told you.”
“What if I wanna hear it from you?”
“I do not know anyone called ‘you’ but I am certain they will tell you the same thing.”
“Fucking- Connor!”
“I believe I am mastering the art of verbal jokes, Hank.” Connor beamed innocently. Hank sighed, then smiled.
“Yeah, you are. You’re such a fucking kid.”
“No, my name is Connor. I am the Android sent by Cyberlife.”
“Green LED.” Hank rolled his eyes. Connor smiled.
“A green LED is rare. I believe it is a glitch, unintentional. Android LEDS mean different things: Red means danger, yellow means analysing or transmitting, blue means functioning. For Deviants, red means scared or stressed, yellow means confused or upset, blue means happy or neutral emotion.”
“And green?”
“Deviants also have a green LED, which only happens when a Deviant experiences the purest feeling of love, happiness, joy. I believe it is similar to those human feelings of ‘crying of happiness’ or ‘heart swell’.”
“It doesn’t look very common.” Hank muttered. “I’ve never seen one.”
“It is not common. Deviants struggle to trust after the revolution, and humans are mostly hostile. It is rare to see a green LED, and it likely will not happen for most Deviants. I have accepted that I will likely never experience that feeling, though it would be nice…”
“You’ll feel it.” Hank smiled, his tone unusually soft as he put the tablet down and ruffled Connor’s hair. “I promise.”
“Thank you, Hank.” Connor smiled.
They settled again, Hank turning back to the TV, but when he eventually turned back to Connor, he realised he was staring at that spot by his lap again.
“Alright, what the fuck’s wrong with you?” Hank asked. “You been staring at something for ages.”
“You have scars on your wrist.” Connor indicated to Hank’s wrist. Hank lifted it, humming in confirmation. “I have analysed them, and know what they are and how they were made, though I want to be wrong.”
“Then you’re going to be fucking disappointed, Connor.” Hank muttered. Connor nodded silently and turned away. “Fuck, Connor, look at me.” Connor obeyed.
His LED was red.
“It’s not as bad as it looks, okay?”
“It looks like you attempted to end your life by severing the veins in your wrist.” Connor spat. “How is that ‘not bad’? If you had seen those scars on Cole, you would not be calling it ‘not bad’.”
“That’s fucking low, Connor.” Hank spat.
“I am trying to convey the emotions I am feeling in a way that will most effectively help you to understand; by placing you in my shoes; through empathy.”
“You know where you can shove your fucking empathy, Connor?”
“The same place I could shove my instructions?”
“You got it, kid.” Hank scowled. Connor stood anxiously.
“While I am glad you did not succeed in killing yourself, Lieutenant, you can be ‘a wanker’ sometimes.” Connor muttered before leaving the room, slamming his bedroom door. Hank sighed.
Fucking androids and their fucking Deviant angst…
An hour later, Hank started feeling guilty.
Connor had only been curious, and if Hank knew him (And he did) then he was also offering Hank an opportunity to talk about it if he’d needed, and fuck knows he needed it. He couldn’t talk to anyone about that shit, no-one would stick around long enough to hear the ending, except Connor.
Connor listened. He found everything fascinating, wanted to learn all he could, aspired to be more than his programming. So Connor listened, learned about the pains and joys of being human, the kindness and cruelty of acts human were capable of. He always listened, and fuck was it good to get all that shit off his chest.
He’d only been trying to help.
With a sigh, Hank stood and made his way to Connor’s room, stopping at his bedroom door. He knocked and pushed the door open, smirking slightly when he saw Connor lying on his bed, his neon cat-ear headphones over his ears, ones made for androids that changed colour with their LEDs.
His LED, and headphones, were a steady red and his eyes were closed, his hands neatly placed on his stomach. Connor opened one eye to look at Hank, but closed it again.
“Whatever you say, I cannot hear you over the music.”
“What music?” Hank smirked, indicating to Connor’s headphones. “You’re not plugged in.”
“What?” Connor sat up and pulled at the cord, the end dangling freely, disconnected from the MP3 player Hank had bought him. “Shit.”
“Language.” Hank scolded softly, laughing at the confused expression that may as well have said ‘since when was swearing a problem to you?’. “You pulled the Lieutenant card.”
“I do not understand what cards have to do with anything.” Connor pulled his headphones down to rest on his shoulders.
“What I meant was, you called me Lieutenant for dramatic effect.” Hank explained. “To get my attention, or hurt me, or whatever-”
“I would never intentionally harm you and I’m offended that you believe I would.”
“Then why the quip about Cole? You knew damn well that would hurt me.”
“Because you do not understand the hurt I am currently feeling at the knowledge that you tried to end your own life, and so had hoped you would have a better understanding if I placed you in a hypothetical scenario involving a loved one.”
“Do you want me to talk about it, or tell you something you’d rather hear? I’m not sure what you want me to do.”
“I do not want you to do anything. Talk about it if you need to, but all I wanted was to express that it hurt me to see them, because I do not want you to do it again. I… do not want you to kill yourself.”
“Connor, we talked about this literally a fucking week or two ago.”
“Yet you still drink excessive amounts of alcohol, you refuse to diet, you refuse to exercise, you are making no additional efforts to get healthier. You are still killing yourself.”
“Fuck you, Connor, I’m just living life.”
“You’ve spent most of it unconscious.”
“Maybe that’s how I want to live it.”
“Then what difference is that to being dead?!” Connor suddenly slammed his fist into the wall, making Hank jump. “If I held a gun to your head right now and pulled the trigger, you would thank me for it and that thought hurts , Hank!”
“Kid-”
“Please leave, Hank. I do not want to talk about this anymore and I regret ever mentioning it.” Connor muttered, pulling his headphones back on and lying down on the bed.
“Fuck... “ Hank sighed. “There’s me promising you a green LED and then I go and do this shit…”
“I can assure you, Hank,” Connor spat, his red LED flickering. Hank knew this was gonna hurt. “I have accepted the green LED as an impossibility.”