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Objectively, Changyoon thinks he's a pretty good person to kiss. He's never heard a word of complaint from the three (3) people he's kissed and he managed to get to third base with a trainee last year, so clearly he must've been doing something right.
As skilled as he may or not be in the realm of kissing, Changyoon could not have anticipated that he would be the one Yuto might approach in the kitchen and ask if Changyoon could practice kissing with him. Because it's Mizuguchi Yuto, who is a baby and because it's Mizuguchi Yuto, who Changyoon was convinced until about five seconds ago secretly hated him. Or not so secretly, depending on the day, and it's not like kissing and hating are exactly mutually exclusive anyway, but the point—it's Yuto, hiding behind his sheepdog bangs, asking Changyoon to kiss him. For science.
Changyoon says, "Um."
In the time it takes for Changyoon to finally spit out a single syllable, Yuto's face has shifted from uncharacteristically apprehensive to a familiar scowl. "If you don't want to-"
"No," Changyoon says quickly, perhaps too quickly. "I just. I wasn't expecting this. Why me?"
"Who else would I ask?" Yuto points out.
"Fair enough," Changyoon says, even though it wasn't really an answer. His fingertips are pruning under the sudsy water and there's still a sponge gripped in his hand. "Why do you need to practice it?"
Yuto half-shrugs, shoulders slumping. "Everyone else my age has experience. Even Minseok has-"
"Our Minseok?" Changyoon whispers. "Who has kissed our-"
"But I've never kissed anyone," Yuto says, speaking over Changyoon's disbelief. "And I don't want to debut without ever, you know."
It occurs to Changyoon that they're in the kitchen, that anyone could walk by and hear them talking about kissing, about kissing each? other? If Jaeyoung heard, he would string Changyoon up by his toes for even thinking about violating Yuto's innocence. But when Changyoon yanks his hands out of the water so he can properly evaluate Yuto, the way he's worrying his lip between his teeth makes Changyoon feel like he'd be more of a jerk to say no.
"I'll think about it," Changyoon says, and takes advantage of the bathroom door opening to flee, calling out next shower! without looking back.
See, the thing is—Changyoon would like to kiss Yuto, unprompted or otherwise.
It wasn't an immediate thing. Mizuguchi Yuto was a big deal to the company, the first foreign trainee at WM. He'd trained at JYP before, so his Korean wasn't totally hopeless, just basic, and a little rough around the edges. He bowed to them after the introduction from their manager, nearly folding himself in half as he said, "Please take care of me."
Immediately, it was clear that Yuto was a better dancer than any of them. When he performed for them that first day, just a minute of choreography was enough to impress everyone. Seungjoon had asked him, eyes bulging, "Where did you come from?"
"I was," Yuto said, feeling around for the words. "Backup dancer?"
Later, he showed them videos. A tiny (tinier) Yuto wearing an oversized concert t-shirt at a crowded dance practice next to other children. He couldn't have been more than eleven.
Yuto was barely seventeen when he joined WM, the same age as Minseok. He had a baby face then and now, with soft, mochi cheeks, but there has always been a certain maturity in the way he carries himself. Even when he's nervous, the glint in his eyes that says I belong here never seems to fade. Maybe this is why Changyoon forgets, sometimes, just how young Yuto is.
When Minseok is off at school, Yuto gets to spend the time practicing. He has Korean lessons in the morning while Changyoon, Hyojin, and Minkyun work with the vocal coach. In the afternoon, Jaeyoung sometimes has to drag him out of the practice room for lunch. If it was up to Yuto, he'd keep working right through it. In the evening, they work on choreography as a team until their legs feel like jelly and Changyoon contemplates, for the hundredth time, why he chose this career path. Seungjoon and Jaeyoung are good at teaching dances too, but when Changyoon can't get a sequence of steps right or his gestures feel awkward, it's Yuto that he turns to first.
In the dorm, Yuto is conscientious and tidy. He keeps his bedding neatly folded, wipes down the counter after he washes his face, and hangs his laundry up as soon as it's dry without having to be reminded. He's the dead opposite of Changyoon, who could fall asleep with a sheet mask packet and pile of dirty clothes on his bed and not even notice them.
Changyoon would like to think that these differences make them a good pairing, that his superior sense of humor compliments Yuto's seriousness, but what it actually means in practice is Changyoon never being able to tell if Yuto likes him. It's not like Changyoon is asking for a lot, not best friends or anything, just no more questioning if the glare Yuto shoots him after Changyoon takes a joke too far is meant to be affectionate. Because Changyoon does like Yuto. His talent, his maturity beyond his years, the confused look he gets on his face when he's trying to understand something in Korean and his delighted laugh when he gets a joke without someone having to explain it. Changyoon hadn't realized that his friendship-like was mutating into like-like until it was too late, when he looked over at Yuto after doing something stupid to find Yuto smiling at him and thought, instinctively, that he wanted to kiss Yuto. In this initial moment of panic, Changyoon did something even more stupid that resulted in Seungjoon forcing a hand over Changyoon's mouth and Yuto looking away, scoffing. A preferable alternative to Changyoon grabbing Yuto's cheeks and planting one on him in the practice room. Changyoon, of course, did nothing with this new information. He buried the feelings down deep, right next to all the insecurities he'd spent years trying to keep at bay.
If left alone, he was sure, the feelings would go away on their own.
They don't get a free weekend for another month, but as soon as the door closes behind Hyojin and it's just the two of them. It occurs to Changyoon that this may be the first time since their kitchen talk that they've been alone together, albeit in different rooms.
It's early in the day. Changyoon has never been able to sleep through the sounds of everyone else getting up and gathering their things to go home. Now that the dorm is quiet, Changyoon could go back to sleep, or watch some of the drama he's been meaning to catch up on, or he could go stand awkwardly by Yuto's bed until Yuto acknowledges him, at which point he could say, "So, I've decided that I am willing to teach you how to kiss" and see how Yuto reacts.
Changyoon goes for option #1. The next time he rouses, it's lunchtime and his stomach is rumbling insistently. He can hear the TV from the living area, which means that he's not the only one awake. He messages Yuto instead of getting up, let's order chicken?, clinging to the last shreds of sleep.
"Are you texting me from your bed?" Yuto asks, appearing in the doorway a few seconds after the unread notification blinks away from the chat window.
"I'm asleep," Changyoon says.
"Yeah, you look asleep."
"Do you still want me to kiss you?" It's not what Changyoon intended to say when he opened his mouth, but his subconscious has always been a traitor. He watches Yuto's eyes go wide and adds, "For practice." As though the clarification is needed.
"If you want to?" Yuto says.
"We should probably eat first," Changyoon says, getting to his feet. There is a twinge of pain in his lower back when he stands. He needs to ask Jaeyoung to show him some exercises for his waist. "Do you want garlic or chili sauce? We could get half and half. Though, I guess if we're going to be kissing, garlic isn't the best choice."
Yuto is squinting at him.
"You can't have a good kiss if you're thinking about food," Changyoon explains. He is not stalling, because he is the one who brought it up and that means he has no right to stall. It's just that if he's going to do it, he might as well do it right. Besides, this is Yuto, who Changyoon witnessed run into a glass door face first last week. He is not intimidating.
"Okay," Yuto says with a sigh. "Can we get honey too?"
They watch the newest Spiderman while they wait for the food. Action movies are easier for Yuto to keep up with, because you don't need to follow the subtitles to make sense of fight scenes and shooting spiderwebs. When the food comes, Changyoon carefully rations out diet-approved portions for the both of them and they continue watching, silent except for the few times where Yuto needs Changyoon to explain something.
Yuto is the first to get up and throw away their trash. When he returns to the TV, he stands over Changyoon, peering down at him. "Can we practice now?"
Changyoon wipes his palms on his sweatpants and stands. This is stupid, he can do this.
"Don't be nervous," Changyoon says. "I'm going to kiss you now."
"Hyung, stop talking and just-"
Changyoon cuts him off, pressing his mouth against Yuto's. Because Yuto is mid-syllable, his lips are weirdly parted and the kiss lands a little off-center, Changyoon catching the corner of Yuto's mouth.
Yuto makes an annoyed grunt when he pulls back. "That was terrible," he complains.
"You're terrible," Changyoon says reflexively. "Anyway, you were talking. You have to be in the proper position for kissing."
Before Yuto can ask him what the proper position for kissing is, Changyoon is reaching for his wrists, tugging Yuto closer so that they're standing toe to toe. He positions Yuto's hands on his hips and Changyoon's surprised by how warm they are, that he can feel it through his shirt. He puts his own hands on Yuto's shoulders and then, realizing that the set-up feels much too close to an awkward slow dance, scoots them up, so his fingers are curling around Yuto's neck. "This is proper posture," Changyoon says. His mouth feels inexplicably dry, so he licks his lips. "Are you ready this time?"
Yuto nods and Changyoon watches his eyes flit downwards for a second, then immediately back up to meet Changyoon's gaze. "I'm ready."
This time, Changyoon is concentrating enough to focus on the pout of Yuto's mouth, the slight forward jut of his chin from his overbite that gives him the impression of being ready for a fight. Changyoon kisses him softly, carefully. Yuto shifts a half a centimeter closer and kisses back, lips pushing against Changyoon's with tentative pressure. The kiss is tame, downright sweet, but something warm blooms inside Changyoon's chest, the heat rising up to his cheeks. When he takes a step back, Changyoon knows his face must be red.
"How was that?" Changyoon asks. He has to suppress the urge to smile smugly when he watches Yuto lift his index finger to his mouth.
"Better," Yuto says. "Than the previous one."
Changyoon reaches out and claps a hand awkwardly against Yuto's shoulder. "Well, there you go. You've had practice." He jerks a thumb in the direction of the bathroom. "I'm going to go shower."
He realizes, about thirteen seconds after he closes the bathroom door behind him, that this is the same excuse he used to escape the awkward situation last time. He wonders if Yuto noticed.
When he emerges from the bathroom, Seungjoon has arrived back at the dorm, armed with plastic containers of his mother's pork stew and kimbap, God bless. Changyoon nods in greeting, flicks his wet strands of hair in Seungjoon's direction.
"So, what did you and maknae do today?" Seungjoon asks later, once Changyoon has clothes on.
Changyoon maintains a pretty good poker face, if only because he has a sheet mask on and can't move too many facial muscles without it slipping out of place. "We thought about how much we missed you," he says, at the same time Yuto replies, "We watched a movie." When Changyoon looks at Yuto, his expression reveals nothing.
"You guys are boring," Seungjoon complains.
"Next time we'll rob a bank for you," Changyoon says.
Seungjoon beams. "That's more like it."
Maybe, Changyoon reasons, a chaste kiss exchanged between friends is nothing. There wasn't even tongue—Changyoon has had unwanted kisses planted on his cheeks by aunties with more saliva than the one he'd given Yuto. And if this normal, no biggie, then there should be no reason for Changyoon to still be thinking about it.
Except he is. At lunch the next day, he spends a solid thirty seconds watching a stray fleck of green onion stuck to Yuto's bottom lip until Hyojin asks him a question and Changyoon looks up, startled.
"What?"
"What was the name of that song Crush and Zion.T did together?"
"Just," Changyoon answers. He doesn't have to think about it. "Just, Just, Just-"
Hyojin rolls his eyes. "I heard you the first time."
When Changyoon looks back at Yuto, the green onion is gone and Yuto is peering at him now. His expression is somewhere between why are you looking at me? and something else that Changyoon can't place that makes an errant butterfly go flitting around in his stomach.
This is stupid, Changyoon decides, and he turns to Minkyun. "What's the song you're working on now?"
Two more weeks pass until they get another weekend alone. Minseok offers to let them come home with him—"My mom loves guests!"—and Changyoon adores Minseok's mom, but being around other people's families only makes him miss his more. They'll get time off soon anyway. Yuto declines as well, saying he's just planning on resting his knee.
It doesn't register with Changyoon that this might be an excuse and not an explanation until the door closes behind Seungjoon and Yuto says, wasting no time, "I think we should kiss again."
Changyoon promptly chokes on his water. "Can you, like, warn me next time?"
"Warn?" Yuto repeats.
"You know, give me a signal? Caution?" Changyoon shakes his head. "Nevermind. You want me to kiss you again?"
"I feel like I need more practice," Yuto says.
"Is there someone you need to practice for?" Changyoon wants to ask, but he's not sure he wants the answer. Instead, he asks, "What kind of practice?"
Yuto shrugs his shoulders. "Like, lying down?"
So, he wants to make out. Changyoon considers this. It's as much a bad idea as it was the first time, probably an even worse idea, but then again, the only real change after the first kiss was on Changyoon's end. If Yuto felt awkward, then he hadn't let it show. Maybe Changyoon is the immature one here.
"Fine," Changyoon says, setting down his water cup. "Let's do it."
They end up in Yuto's bed. Changyoon kicks off a stuffed animal trying to fit into the space and it lands on its back, gazing up at them from the floor with wide, glossy eyes. "My Pikachu," Yuto says sadly.
"It's okay, it's better that he doesn't see this," Changyoon says, which makes Yuto laugh and the mood lighten just a little bit.
There is some maneuvering, an elbow to Changyoon's windpipe and ankles knocking painfully, like neither of them have ever shared a bed with anyone before. Changyoon ends up on top of Yuto, seated with knees straddling his hips. From this vantage point, Changyoon can see the freckle next to Yuto's eye that he's never noticed before. Yuto's eyelashes are full and dark as he blinks, slowly, watching Changyoon watching him. The conviction that Changyoon held momentarily when he agreed to this faded somewhere between the kitchen and climbing the ladder to Yuto's bed and this position only seems to emphasize the weirdness.
"I'm just gonna," Changyoon says, and leans down, sliding a hand around to cup Yuto's face.
This time, when Changyoon goes in for the kiss, Yuto is ready. His lips press back against Changyoon's, soft and wet and all very innocent until Yuto tilts his head for a better angle. Changyoon can hear Yuto's sharp inhale when their mouths slot together and it eggs him on, gives him the courage needed to graze his teeth along Yuto's lower lip, tongue following the motion.
Changyoon sort of feels like he should say something, but Yuto had asked for practice, not a lecture and Changyoon isn't even sure what he'd say. Only kiss people you like and not weird older bandmates, maybe, but he doesn't want to stop this. He licks at Yuto's lip again and Yuto's lips part obediently, letting Changyoon brush their tongues together. There's a little too much saliva, but it's good anyway. Yuto's hands end up resting on Changyoon's back, drifting lower as they kiss until his fingers are clutching at Changyoon's waistband.
They're reaching dangerous territory and something like a laugh bubbles up in Changyoon's chest. He sputters a little, letting out a wheeze that has Yuto jerking his head back to peer up at him suspiciously. "Are you dying?"
"Rule number one," Changyoon says. "Don't forget to breathe."
"Right," Yuto says. "Breathing is important."
This could be the end of it. Changyoon could sit up, fumble out of the bed and return the stuffed animal back to its proper resting place. This is what Changyoon should do, but Yuto's mouth is so soft and pink looking that Changyoon can't help but lean in again, kissing him with renewed energy. Yuto lets out a noise from the back of his throat, an approval if Changyoon has ever heard one.
He's not sure how long they make out like this, but it's long enough that there's a crick in Changyoon's neck by the time he pulls away, sitting back on his heels. Yuto is looking at him like he expects Changyoon to say something, because Changyoon is rarely not saying something, but he feels like all of his words left him sometime in the first ten minutes of kissing. In the end, he says, "Do you want to order Japanese food?"
Yuto nods. His lips are puffy and there's a sheen of sweat over his cheeks, giving his tan skin a glow. He says, "Sounds good."
On his way out, Changyoon retrieves Pikachu from the ground and tucks it back into place. Somehow, its expression seems more judgmental than it did earlier.
They don't talk about this instance either. A weekend passes with Jaeyoung and Minseok electing to stay at the dorms and Yuto doesn't seem particularly bothered. He even falls asleep with his head in Jaeyoung's lap during One Day, while Jaeyoung cards his fingers through Yuto's long bangs. Changyoon assumes that Yuto has gotten the practice he wanted and there will be no more kissing. He is fine with this. He is a good hyung who helped a dongsaeng in a time of need.
Another week passes without any notable weirdness, so Changyoon isn't expecting it when Yuto appears in the doorway to the practice room where Changyoon is working.
"Need something?" Changyoon asks.
Yuto closes the door behind him. Before Changyoon can react, Yuto has surged forward, hand fisting in Changyoon's shirt as he leans down to kiss him.
Changyoon lets out a dignified yelp in surprise, but his body recovers faster than his mind, curving up to meet Yuto. There is intent behind the kiss. Yuto's mouth is firm, insistent, and he even nips his teeth against Changyoon's lip. It's only when there are footsteps in the hallway outside the room that Yuto takes a step back and wipes his mouth.
"Um," Changyoon says. He wonders what an aneurysm feels like. "Was that more practice?"
"That wasn't practice," Yuto says. He smiles then, eyes crinkling, clearly pleased with himself. Not for the first time, Changyoon thinks that Mizuguchi Yuto may be secretly evil. "But it paid off, don't you think?"
"You could say that."
The glass door is frosted, so theoretically Changyoon could probably get away with pulling Yuto down into his lap and letting him show off more of what he's learned, but he's not that bold. Instead, he reaches for Yuto's hand, squeezing. There's always the weekend to do more.