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Steven rolls over in his sleep. His eyelids start to flicker and he sinks into dream sleep.
He loves to sleep, but he is no stranger to nightmares. In his twenty one years on Earth, he has seen and experienced many terrifying things, and this means there is no shortage of horrible memories to play as a nightmare. But there is one memory in particular his brain likes to turn into a nightmare.
And that’s the one that gets him tonight.
Standing huddled in the abandoned kindergarten with the Off Colors.
Drones searching for them, trying to destroy him and Lars and the Off Colors.
Terror. Panic. Dread.
Lars sacrificing himself to save the others, jumping onto one of the drones.
An explosion.
Debris raining down.
Lars being flung through the air like a doll, smacking into rock.
Lars slumping to the ground.
Steven screaming.
Lars not moving.
Lars not moving.
Lars not moving.
Rushing over to Lars.
Lars not moving.
Putting his head to Lars’ chest and—
Not feeling a heartbeat.
Lars was dead.
Lars was dead.
Lars was dead.
Tears pouring down his face.
Clinging to his dead friend.
Sobbing, “Lars, please don’t be dead. Please don’t leave me.”
But it not working. Because Lars stays dead.
Losing his friend.
Being captured by Homeworld.
Dying—
“Steven!”
His eyes open, tears leaking down his face. Steven stares up into the eyes of Lars, his boyfriend, as he hovers over him.
“Are you okay?” Lars says. “You were groaning in your sleep and grimacing. Was… was it a nightmare?”
Wiping tears from his face with his sleeves, Steven sits up. His breathing shudders, his heart still racing, and he tries to calm down. He nods his head.
“Yeah.”
“Jeez, are they ever gonna go away?” Lars says, sighing.
“Probably not,” Steven says, humming a tune and singing in his head a few lines of that wonderful song Garnet taught him years ago. “Take a moment to think of just, flexibility, love and trust…”
Steven shuffles closer to his boyfriend, slightly unnerved by Lars’ cold skin and almost complete lack of a heartbeat, because it reminds him all too much of the dream and the memories of Lars’ death. But when he sees Lars’ pink skin, he’s reminded that the dream was nothing like the nightmare, because he saved Lars and he survived and they got out of that horrible situation.
And things were hard and scary and difficult for them all, but Lars eventually got back to Earth. And for the last three years, he and Lars have been dating, Steven having finally admitted his behaviour towards Lars (ending up embarrassing Lars by always wanting to hang around with him) was because he’s always had a crush on him. And to his amazement, they started dating, and have been together ever since.
“It’s not fair,” Lars mutters, and he’s right; even years after the fight with Homeworld ended, the trauma won’t leave them alone.
“I know,” Steven says, used to this conversation. “But it doesn’t matter. We can’t change the past.”
Lars huffs, but he doesn’t argue.
“Can I have a cuddle?” Steven says, shuffling closer to Lars.
Rolling his eyes, Lars says, “Okay, then.”
But Steven knows he’s fine with it. Lars would never have admitted it as a teenager, but these days he’s fine to admit he’s a big softie – but only to Steven.
Sniffing, Steven snuggles up to Lars, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend. They lay back down, arms around each other, and Steven presses his face against Lars’ shoulder, cuddling as close as he can. And even though he’s fighting back tears and thoughts of the nightmare still swirl in his mind, Steven manages to fall back asleep in the arms of his boyfriend.