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Can We Hold On?

Summary:

Their memories were erased. They don't know of each other anymore.
But it didn't stop them from doing the right choice.
Together.
(Alternate version of what happened during Kokoro's pregnancy realization)

Notes:

seriously, a very good anime for me.
this is an alternate version of what happened after kokoro was announced to be pregnant, transferred to the hospital and mitsuru went on a shitty craze dunno haha but yeah, the plot starts from there. this has some failed angst, because i don't usually write angst. well anyway please enjoy!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

(The setting occurs after Kokoro and Mitsuru’s memories were fabricated, and pregnancy realization.)

Right after Miku explained to her all of what happened at the lapses of her memories, Kokoro wished to be alone for a few days. She has been thankful for the encouragements given to her by her teammates, not that she has known of them being this closed since she has been aware of, but this warmth given by her friends is pretty nice. All except one, of course.

One man has been fairly keeping his distance, if it was not too obvious at all. M-Mitsu---ru-

A pain stroke her head.

Right. She shouldn’t even think of the name. Since there paired battle against the gigantic klaxosaur, calling his name only gives her so much pain. She is quite certain he was the new person in the bunch, since her mind doesn’t ever recall of encountering Mitsu- him -ever, but the man strongly countered, insisting she was the new one. Well, whatever, how on earth did someone like him become her partner, anyway?

“-ro-chan? “

One more thing would be this round thing currently occupying her fourth finger, wondering why couldn’t she throw this away before, it’s too tight and quite annoying as well.

“ –Koro-cha-”

Nana has proclaimed her pregnant. What on earth would pregnant even mean? They didn’t clarify it to her. What is a baby? At her belly? How did it enter her body? She has a lot of questions that need answers. And apparently only the adults can tell her about it, but they’re keeping mum of anything about it. Nana keeps on asking her, days after her first diagnose, of when she would like to dispose the t-thing? But these swarming gaps on her head are preventing her from thinking straight.

What have I been doing anyway?

W-Who am I again?

“Kokoro-chan!”

Red hair intervened her vision, halting her from her ministrations. “ A-Ah yes? Miku-chan? “

Said person sat down at the edge of the bed. Kokoro, after being observed for her rather ‘uncommon’ condition was immediately subjected to tests and transferred to a private room in the city hospital for herself. “ You’ve been spacing out a lot since our talk. Are you sure nothing’s bothering you?

Kokoro laughed. “ No, not at all. “ Lies. They were the case of her headaches lately. “ By the way, I’ve been wondering what were you doing outside?”

“ Oh! The books called them planting. We’re planting crops for food. “

“ Planting? That sounds fun. “

“ Well it is!” The red-haired pistil laughed. “ Only though after all those work, my body always ends up getting sore. “

The pregnant friend, solemnly focused on her sheets. “ I’m sorry, I couldn’t be of any use. “

Her hands tightly clasped in frustration, were covered with another pair. “Kokoro-chan, please don’t think like that. We understand your situation completely, okay? More importantly, what you need is rest until you decide when to dispose. “

“ Dispose?” The pregnant lost her composure for a sudden. “ I- I don’t – I haven’t even thought of disposing this- this thing, Miku-chan. Why are you- wait- are people expecting- “

Miku faced her friend, her head tilted in wonderment and as well as a deep confusion. “ Eh? But Nana said it’s bad for us to have a baby! We lose our capability to ride a FRANXX if we don’t get rid of it. “

“ I- I know that, Miku-chan, but- ACK!” Kokoro’s head chose to throb harder than before, now that she’s trying to access the reason of the immense heavy guilt she was feeling, surely this kind of thinking, it couldn’t be an act of rebellion right? One throb made her wince loudly and faced down the pillow while clasping her head tight. She hasn’t even heard at the background of Miku calling for help.

The pain was starting to invade her senses, losing her touch and awareness of her surroundings, she couldn’t hear and then- her vision blackened out.

There was a ring. And then everything faded, inaudible, and she went back to nothingness.

Kokoro-san!

 

 

 

Kokoro woke up to voices. “ Ah-“ She started, and gasps erupted.

“ Kokoro!” She heard the distressed call of their captain at her left, but her eyes were not responding to her command. She knows her team was there, but her visions kept her focused at the plain ceiling.

“ What-“ She tried again.

“ Do you hear us, Kokoro? Why aren’t you moving? “ That was Zorome.

Then a loud smack. “ Dumbass, she just woke up, of course her body’s still adjusting!”

“ The hell would I-“

“ Ko-Kokoro- san? “

/Bizzzz

A wave of consciousness forced the Genista pistil to sat up and gasp for air. The team was shocked at her abrupt movement and quickly voiced their concerns once Kokoro’s breathing returned in regular pattern with the help of Ichigo.

The ache has returned, at the same time Kokoro noticed all of her teammates surrounded and her partner, who was similarly clutching his head, at the far corner with Futoshi huddled beside him in support.

Why are you even here. I thought you want out to anything in relation to my being?
She very much understood that when he fell on his knees after hearing Nana’s declaration that his genes in particular were detected and reported to partook in creating the ‘thing’ inside her belly.

“ I don’t understand this. “ It was the first time Ikuno spoke her concern after all the madness. “ What must be causing this effect on you? Is this one of the so-called pregnancy symptoms? “

Somehow, Kokoro’s consciousness was telling her to disagree but of what reason exactly is it wrong? She has nothing to fill in that blank.

The nurse came in time again, which Kokoro wished not to in the moment. They might inject something again to her, which could harm the ba- wait what am I-

“ Ah!” Kokoro screamed in agony.

“ Her body is starting to build immunity to the drug. We might induce a slightly higher dose. Code 556, you have to decide the date as soon as possible or else the increasing dose might also affect your control over Genista. “

After hearing the devastating outcome, Miku and Ichigo were the first to approach her and insisted. “ Kokoro, I suggest you do it earlier. We will be there for you at the whole process. “ Ichigo reassured her.

“ But I . . . “ The trust she was receiving from the team were slowly giving her the confidence that she could pass the whole process and come back in good condition, but. . . once her eyes traveled at the far back and met his, there was a different message. Kokoro blinked, and about to voice her concern when-

“ Anou.” Mitsuru spoke ahead of her, and Kokoro welcomed the turning backs of everyone, and joined in focusing her attention to her stamen partner who resented in looking down, now that the interest is on him. “ I think. . . I mean, maybe we should give Ko- ah- we should give her space to decide on her own. “

“Space? “ Zorome asked. “ But it’s spacious enough here. “

“ What code 326 meant was to give the patient time to calmly think in her room. Alone. “ The nurse supplied.

Miku, Futoshi, and Zorome’s actions were far from accepting the suggestion, but Goro pushed them to the door, followed by Ikuno and Ichigo.  The latter pistil hesitated on allowing Mitsuru to stay would be a wise choice at the moment, since enclosing the two Genista pilots in meter range causes only pain on both sides, but let them anyway when Goro went back and pulled her out of the door.

“ I’d like to be alone please. “ Kokoro spoke lowly as soon as her teammates and the nurse are out of earshot, noticing that her partner has no plan of exiting the room. She didn’t mean it to be forceful in tone, but every time she sees his face and remembers the unwanted expression on his face the day she recognized she is pregnant, she can’t help but be a little bitter about it.

“ I understand. “ Mitsuru replied, the first ever decent conversation they probably had with each other, without passing mock glances. “ But can I have a word? “

The pregnant pilot paused from finger-combing her locks. “ Uhm.. Go ahead? “

“ I- I have- I mean-“  The stamen started yet fidgeted. “ I have been thinking as well. Not that my decision even matters because I know it is hard on your part- “

“ It’s okay. “ Kokoro cut his ramblings, understanding how hard it might be for the other to share his thoughts, even with the way his body practically showcased how nervous he was. “ I am listening. “

Mitsuru looked at her direction for a moment, but never leveling with her eyesight, then let out a loud sigh and forced a step forward.

Once Mitsuru escaped from his position at the dark corner and light hovered over to both of them, Kokoro realized a foreign pain painting his face. Mitsuru does not meet her eyes to see the wondering look the pregnant pilot was shooting to him, but he continued anyway. “ I don’t know what I’m doing exactly. My conscience is telling me that the baby is not a mistake. “

“ Not. . . a mistake? “ Kokoro couldn’t keep the softness at her words from escaping, especially talking at him. “ What do you mean? “

“ I don’t know either. I just- I know I did something to push this huge responsibility on your hands, but I don’t know why, and I can’t justify further what I don’t know, but please if you can- “

“ Responsibility? How is this your responsibility? As far as I can remember, you were too egoistic of yourself to confront me into having a talk about this. “ The tension in the air rose.

Mitsuru bit his lip. She was right, the first thing he did was chicken out, leaving her in the dark to accept everything on her own. “ I admit it was heavy to take in before, but I recollected everything and it was a huge mistake on my part to think of it that way. Kokoro-san, but I- ah!” He winced and clutched his head. “But I-“

“ No. “ Kokoro interrupted. “ I think I will consider your option, but I need to think for myself too. My purpose is to pilot, and I wish for it to stay as it is. Please, Mitsuru-kun- “ Another wince on her part, but she dealt with it momentarily. “ – Please leave me alone for now. I… I appreciate your concern but, please leave.

When the pregnant pilot lied back to the bed and turned her back to him, Mitsuru was deduced into a mere shadow, and he quietly retreated back, sparing a last glance at Kokoro’s heaving form before exiting painfully.

 

Notes:

i'll try to make it into two-shots only.