Work Text:
After a quick visit to the nearest Ikea, Denki and Hanta returned to their new, barely furnished home with a filled car of unbuilt furniture and a few things that looked like it would go well in the house, mostly some fake plants and various cheap plates and silverware. They had tried to keep the furniture in the same colors, but eventually gave in to getting some of the cheaper options with plans of replacing them later once they had more money to spare on furniture again.
The duo spent a fair amount of time putting all the items and boxes inside the home, though they accomplished it pretty quickly and efficiently, wanting to get it over with so they could avoid the heat.
The boxes and smaller items were basically laid out in their entry way as they took off their shoes and put on slippers, carefully moving the boxes into the living area since it had the most space available for them to move around stuff and try to assemble these hell objects that Mina had warned was difficult.
Hanta moved to turn on their fan as Denki got out the toolbox they had purchased alongside the items. Flicking it on, he moved over and went to what seemed to be a simple task: The dining table and wooden chairs they had bought. Hanta pulled them to the center of the room, sitting down as he went to open the box for the chairs, Denki sitting down shortly after and opening the tool box, plugging in the drill to the nearest outlet. “Okay hun, I think we should start off with the chairs because once we build one it should get easier, right?” Hanta asked, looking at Denki for confirmation.
“Yep!” The electric blond exclaimed, moving to help Hanta unpack the first box. Once all the pieces were laid out in a fairly disorganized way, Hanta opened the instructions, remembering Mina said that she had chosen to ignore them and accidentally made her table into a very tall chair.
“Okay so... uh...” Hanta trailed off, setting down the book and picking up the piece he thought it asked for first and checking a few times before setting it down closer to him and grabbing the next piece, comparing it longer. “Does this look like it would be a leg or a backing babe?” He asked, Denki intensely staring at the manual for around a minute of silence, before shrugging.
“I think it is! The other pieces look too short I think, so it has to be this one!” He said, grabbing a couple different screws to compare to the booklet of instructions as Hanta waited for the proper one, eventually managing to put the first leg on. “See? So far so good! I don’t know what Mina was even talking about!” Denki said somewhat arrogantly, flipping his bangs dramatically.
“Let’s not jinx it.” Hanta laughed, jokingly knocking on the floor as he reached for the next leg, managing to put the rest on slightly faster as they turned the chair around so it was now standing on the legs. “Okay, now we need to do the back.” Hanta said, looking at the booklet intensely again as he reached for one of the two longer wooden pieces, concentrating hard as he had a stare down with the instructions, staring at the image for probably far too long before attaching the pieces together with Denki’s help, finishing the chair in a solid 40 minutes, sighing in relief that it didn’t break once they tested it. “You know, thinking back on it, the table is probably like only 4 pieces. We should have started with it.” Hanta commented, looking at the time on his phone with a sigh.
“It’s cool, at least we can probably get these done faster! Let’s split up the work and do 1 each!” Denki suggested, Hanta nodding with a large smile as they went to get the next two boxes, sitting more spaced out now to avoid mixing up their pieces.
Despite having verbally helped each other out throughout the building process of the next two chairs, Hanta and Denki only managed to increase their previous time, finishing the chairs within an hour. “You know... I think three chairs is more than enough right now.” Denki said, Hanta nodding as they moved the three completed ones to the side, going to open the table instead, sighing in relief when it only had a few wooden pieces compared to the chair, but getting a feeling of horror as they noticed that the drill was needed, wondering how hard it would actually be. They carefully put the pieces in a more organized manner, opening the instructions and now staring at them for a solid minute before Denki spoke up. “It’s too simple, something is wrong.” He said, narrowing his eyes as he moved the drill closer, slowly reaching for a screw as if choosing the wrong one would make him explode on the spot. Sweat dripped down his forehead, and his breath hitched as he reached for a screw, quickly checking it with the booklet before he went to screw in first leg’s bottom, now sweating profusely, the tension in the room growing more and more as the drill approached the leg, both Hanta and Denki letting out a sigh of relief once the part was attached and the leg didn’t fall apart.
“Did you accidentally unplug the fan?” Hanta asked, looking over to see the outlet that normally had the fan plugged in now had the drill.
“Oh yea, I did without realizing. Sorry Hanta.” Denki said, wiping his face with his shirt as he went to repeat the step-now with less sweating since Hanta plugged the fan back in-still filled with tension.
After a solid half hour or more of anxious gasping and nervous drilling, they completed the table, carefully moving it into a place they thought looked good, moving the three completed chairs to it and then adding the final 3 boxes of chairs next to it as place holders until they mustered up the courage to complete them later in the day. Hanta glanced at the time, lips pressing into a line as he saw almost 3 hours had passed and they had only completed a few of the things they had, and considering it was getting late soon, he continued throwing in the towel but shook his head, deciding he should power through for Denki’s sake, the poor blond currently sobbing as he looked at the table’s instructional booklet still, Hanta rubbing his back in comfort as he dragged over the box for the coffee table, watching Denki’s expression turn to one of horror as he looked at the weird name and image on the box, screeching as Hanta moved to open it.
“Baby don’t do it! The tables are evil!” He yelled, basically tackling Hanta away from the box. “Can’t we like, put a flower on the couch or something?!” He sobbed, Hanta grunting as he was pinned to the floor, but managing to escape, ripping open the box much to Denki’s chagrin. “It has drawers!”
“I-I have to...” Hanta said, shedding a single tear as he took out all the pieces, his expression changing to a dead one as he saw the sheer amount of pieces. He choked back a tear as he opened the significantly thicker instructions booklet, reaching for the first piece as Denki let out a loud sob. Hanta breathed intensely as he picked up a connecting piece, carefully creating 1/4 of the first drawer, moving to pick up the next piece. He carefully attached it, moving to assemble the rest of the drawer, slowly picking up the drill as he went to add the drawer bits in horror, hand shaking slightly as the drill neared closer, wincing as it screwed in, completing the drawer after an extremely long period of time, and then promptly sprawling out on the floor and screaming in pain, tears streaming down his face.
Denki crawled over, sobbing even louder now, almost yelling as he shook Hanta. "Don’t you die on me!” Denki screamed, banging his fists on Hanta’s chest as the latter looked like he was ready to let death’s sweet embrace come save him from the abomination he had been forced to assemble.
“We... We gotta... get help...” Hanta said, closing his eyes as a single tear rolled down his face, Denki placing a flower pot they just bought on him as he took out his phone, dialing Eijirou’s number.
The redhead picked up the phone almost immediately, Denki sobbing violently and barely explaining what was going on besides “Send help, they destroyed my best boy.”
After a quick 10 minute drive, Katsuki and Eijirou entered the house with the key under the doormat only to see Denki and Hanta sprawled out on top of each other in the middle of the floor, both in tears.
“What the actual fuck is going on?” Katsuki asked with a scowl as Eijirou ran over and tried to comfort them. “Get the fuck up and clean up this shit, there are screws everywhere.”
“You gotta... take off your shoes...” Denki choked out, Eijirou quickly ripping off his shoes and chucking them at the door without care, almost nailing Katsuki right in the head, who grumbled as he avoided it, taking off his shoes as well and walking over to the pile of idiots.
“Watch it, shitty hair.” Katsuki glared.”Can you two idiots explain what the fuck happened?” He asked, Hanta inhaling sharply.
“Ikea... the furniture... it's too hard...” he said with difficulty, Eijirou trying to help comfort him, though Denki laying on top of Hanta probably wasn’t really helping much.
Katsuki had a blank expression, that slowly turned to one of annoyance. “Are you two fucking serious? I thought something actually bad was happening when Ei told me we had to come quickly, but you can't build a fucking table?” He scolded loudly.
“Katsu, you don’t know what they’ve been through! Mina said she almost died when she tried to make her desk! We gotta help them!” Eijirou exclaimed, Katsu gaining an even more deadpan expression as he blinked.
“It must run in the idiot blood then. I don’t have time for this shit, nor do I care.” He scoffed, turning to put his shoes back on. “Just get one of their employees to build it.”
“See, it's even too hard for Blasty...” Denki sobbed, visual steam emitting from Katsuki as he stormed over, shoving the three stooges out of the way and grabbing the instruction book, plopping down and going to work on the table, unaware that he basically did their work out of spite to prove it wasn’t hard for him.
After an hour of the boys watching Katsuki in awe, he finished up the last piece, standing up the final piece of furniture as he looked over at them. “See it, wasn’t hard for me at a-“ He began, the realization hitting him as he went into the kitchen to get a drink in regretful silence, as Eijirou, Hanta, and Denki trailed behind him cheering.
“Bakubro, you have the most big dick energy I have ever seen in one man!” Denki exclaimed, Hanta nodding vigorously in agreement.
“Never say that shit again. I hate all of you.” He hissed, flicking off the lid of a beer and chugging it with a scowl. “I’m not moving your furniture either. You fuckers have to do it yourselves.”
Hanta shrugged, not really minding having to move it anyway. “Thanks for building it man!” He said with a grin, moving to go adjust the placements already. “Great work!”
“Shut the fuck up, tape face. I’m surprised you didn’t use your stupid ass quirk to shiftily assemble the furniture yourself.”
“That would be dumb of me, Blasty.”
“And crying over a coffee table isn't?”
Hanta gasped, offended. “Coffee tables are a very important part of living rooms! If I messed it up I would be a disgrace to the interior design community!”
Katsuki had an exasperated expression as he pulled out another beer, sitting down on a kitchen counter as he watched Eijirou help dumb and dumber move furniture around for the next hour until Hanta decided it looked good enough. “Are you idiots done yet? I wanted to watch a movie with shitty hair today.” He huffed, crossing his arms.
“Oooh! Katsu, we should totally watch it with Hanta and Denki!” Eijirou smiled innocently as Katsuki mumbled he’d rather die and quickly put on his shoes, running out. “Aww...” Eijirou pouted, getting up as well, orange juice box in hand. “Maybe another day guys, I think Katsu is a bit grumpy and tired today.” He apologized, giving Hanta and Denki a hug before moving to take his leave as well. “See you later!” He said, waving as he exited, running after Katsuki.
After the two had left, Denki turned to Hanta. “Even though Bakubro has the most big dick energy, you have the most big heart energy.” He said with a cheesy grin, setting down his own juice box on the counter as he moved to give Hanta a quick smooch, the latter grinning widely.
“Thanks babe, you have the most big cutie energy though~” He hummed, returning the kiss.
After a few seconds, Hanta spoke up. “I see the strat from first year still works on Katsuki though.”
"It totally does!” Denki grinned.