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Everyone grieves in their own way, she told herself.
Everyone grieves in their own way, so it wasn’t her place to intervene, she told herself.
But Wynonna grieved in dangerous ways. Wynonna grieved with cheap liquor and bruised fists, with avoiding her family and running away. She would on a brave face, held Waverly tight and told her it would all be okay, but everyone knew she needed to hear that the most. Wynonna was on a dangerous path, and everyone knew it. But no one knew how to help her.
Nicole knew better than to try to change her ways, knew that Wynonna Earp wouldn’t listen no matter how many times she tried. She knew that even Waverly wasn’t enough to bring her out of her funk, at least not now, but they didn’t have the time to wait. Nicole felt restless, always on edge, as if any moment that fucking douchebag could reappear out of nowhere and take someone else she loved. It was only because she knew it was an inevitability. Nicole might not have known who he was, or why he decided to attack them, but she did know that there was no reason for him to be satisfied with just one of them. He’d want more. He’d want Jeremy, or Doc, or Wynonna, or god forbid-
She didn’t let herself think like that. She couldn’t afford to. She had bigger things to worry about right now, specifically finding out where the fuck Wynonna ran off to this time. There were at least four bars she could think of, and she’d have to check each and every one to find her. It didn’t take long, only two or three hours, until she finally found what she was looking for.
“Hey.” She didn’t waste time on fluffing up the situation with pretty words or made up apologies, sitting down on the stool next to her and ordering a shot of their strongest brew. Wynonna stayed silent, which all things considering, was a pretty good thing. It meant she wasn’t going to cuss and storm off just yet. It meant that Nicole had a chance to help.
She knew better than to waste this opportunity on meaningless condolences. “Come back to my place with me. This beer here tastes pretty shitty.” Nicole downed her glass in a quick, fluid motion before continuing, “I’ve got an expensive bottle at home. I was saving it for a night when I’d really need it.” Wynonna looked at her, gulped down the rest of her glass, and stood. Nicole knew better than to ask her if she had heard her, instead leading her to her car.
The ride was silent, but it wasn’t awkward. It was comfortable. It was the kind of silence only lovers could enjoy together- the kind that relied on trust and understanding to pull off. Neither one of them forced conversation where it wasn’t to be had, and it was nice.
Nicole knew better than to open the door for Wynonna. She was out of the car before she was, fishing the spare key from under the mat and unlocking the door. “It’s on top of the fridge. Pour me a glass too.” Nicole took her time heading inside.
Soon enough, the two were sitting side by side, Wynonna’s head resting on Nicole’s shoulder as she drank from an oversized mug. Nicole had been lying about the booze- it was cheap dollar store shit, but Wynonna knew that from the start. Nicole was always a terrible liar.
“Isn’t this better from some trashy bar?” Nicole asked, not really expecting an answer, just trying to fill the silence. It was less comfortable now. Nicole had led Wynonna here, had lied just to make her follow, only to find herself speechless once Wynonna was actually home. She felt as if she had to say something now, had to give a reason to her actions. “Dolls always hated when I went to that place.” Wynonna sighed, staring blankly into her glass. “Sometimes he’d follow me inside, but he never tried to stop me. He knew better.”
Nicole poured herself a second glass. “Yeah. He was like that.” It felt weird to be talking about Dolls with her now, felt weird to be recalling memories as if he really was gone. “But you know what’s funny?” Wynonna let out a dry chuckle as she spoke. “He didn’t try to stop me because he knew he didn’t have to. All it took was his stern dad voice, and I was gone. Damn, he would have made such a good dad.”
Nicole knew better than to question her statement, no matter what implications it held. “Yeah. He would have.” Neither one spoke again for a while, and though it was comfortable again, Nicole had to say one more thing.
“His middle name really was Pamela, by the way.”
Wynonna cracked a little smile. “I knew it.”
The two fell asleep fairly soon after, with Wynonna’s head still propped on Nicole’s shoulder. When they woke up, they went back to their normal lives, each one slightly better than they were before. Wynonna still hid in bars, Nicole still had to search for her and drag her out, but she knew better than to give up. Nicole knew that she couldn’t stop Wynonna from being Wynonna. But, with Dolls gone, someone had to make sure Wynonna was being Wynonna safely. And she guessed that duty fell on her shoulders.
Dolls must have known better, known that there would be someone to keep Wynonna safe in his absence.