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‘ Deep breaths,’ he thought. ‘This can’t last forever,’ he told himself. The room was silent, with the only background noise being Bakugou’s own heavy breathing. Crackling palms, shaking hands, and nightmares had been plaguing him since Class 1-A moved into their new dorms two days back.
Limbs shaking, he slowly sat up and leaned himself against the wall. His eyelids threatened to close, but the blonde knew that if they closed again, the nightmares would inevitably come back. A salty combination of both tears and sweat cascaded down his cheeks, and he mentally cursed himself for letting this one incident affect him so much.
‘ Pro Heros deal with much greater issues, and I can’t even deal with this ,’ Bakugou inwardly spat at himself. ‘ Pathetic. Get a hold of yourself,’ the voice in his head demanded as his palms crackled once more. Bakugou slowly rose from his bed, trudging to the bathroom. He looked up, and pensively gaped at his reflection. Disheveled hair, pallid skin, and dull eyes with horrendous dark circles underneath them. Whenever he managed to sleep, the sleep wasn’t restful, and the effects have really started to show.
With shaky hands, Bakugou reached to the sink faucet, turning the knob. He splashed cold water on his face, and a gasp escaped his lips as it slid down his forehead and cheeks. He continued to breathe heavily as the water dripped from his chin and into the sink. After hovering by the sink for a few seconds, he turned off the water and dried his face off with a towel.
Climbing back into bed, the blonde sighed heavily, his dull and drowsy eyes glued to the ceiling. He reached a shaky hand toward his bedside table, grabbing his phone to check the time.
03:42.
He groaned, setting his phone back onto the table and rolling onto his side to face the wall. Deep down, Bakugou knew he needed to go back to sleep, or at least try to, but he couldn’t. He didn’t want to. Huffing in irritation, he rolled over onto his opposite side.
He felt like a toddler, staying awake to put off having another nightmare. It felt childish to him. But every time he tried to sleep, he’d wake up from feeling like he was falling just a few minutes later; any time he tried to sleep, his eyelids would just snap right open again.
This was going to be a long rest of the night.
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Bakugou was still staring at the ceiling when his alarm went off for class that morning. Without looking away, he grabbed his phone and shut it off. Rubbing his face, he swung his feet over the edge of the bed. He ran his hands through his hair as he shakily stood up, mentally preparing to get ready for the day. Simply getting out of bed took more energy than he had. Today was going to be a long day.
Bakugou trudged into class, avoiding eye contact with anyone and everyone. Kirishima glanced in his friend’s - and under the radar crush’s - direction as he sat down. Bakugou looked his direction and their eyes met briefly. The redhead had to fight back a gasp; Bakugou looked awful. The blonde didn’t even have enough energy to angrily ‘tsk’ as he looked away. Kirishima sighed and looked back at him with concern once more before turning back to the front of the room.
An empty worksheet sat on Bakugou’s desk. Everyone had one on their desks, and seemed to be going through it without problem. Bakugou glanced around the room, huffing and looking back to his desk. He irritably tapped his pencil on his desk, his eyebrows knitted together as he struggled to concentrate.
Kirishima saw Bakugou’s pencil out of the corner of his eye, and looked his direction. The blonde slowly began filling out the answers one by one, but he was way behind everybody else. He eventually resorted to guessing and circling random letters he hadn’t picked in awhile just so he didn’t have to waste what little energy he had thinking about it. Bakugou rested his chin in his arms on his desk and heavily sighed, looking down. Kirishima sighed as well, looking back to his worksheet. Somebody began tapping his shoulder, and he turned to the direction the sensation was coming from.
“What’s his problem?” Kaminari whispered, nodding his head in Bakugou’s direction. Kirishima looked to his friend again, sighing at his drained expression.
“I have no idea,” Kirishima replied quietly, his voice laced with concern. Kaminari tsked before speaking again.
“He looks awful,” Kaminari mumbled, eyebrows knitted together in pity and worry. Kirishima nodded once and hummed in agreement, his heart aching in his chest. He so badly wanted to help Bakugou, but had no idea how to approach the situation.
Bakugou felt his chest grow tight, and his heart began to pound in his chest. He felt dizzy and lightheaded. All he wanted was to go back into his dorm, lay down, and take a nap. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them again. ‘ Snap out of it, dumbass,’ he cursed at himself.
Class dragged on, and Bakugou faded in and out of focus every few minutes. Whenever Aizawa-sensei would look his direction, he would act like he was thinking or writing something down. Simply being awake robbed him of the energy he didn’t even have, but needed so badly. The day wasn’t even halfway through, and Bakugou was already out for the count, waving a white flag. He just needed a break.
That day, when classes ended, he made a beeline for the door and rushed to his dorm, not wanting to be bothered by anybody. He just wanted to take a nap, and if that wasn’t possible, at the very least, he just wanted to be alone.
He tossed his bag onto the floor, closed the door, and sighed heavily as he collapsed onto his bed. At this point, Bakugou didn’t really care if he woke up to another panic attack from another nightmare. He just wanted whatever little sleep he could manage to get his hands on.
Sleep came and went, with fuzzy nightmares and fits of terror scattered in between. The sleep wasn’t restful, but it was better than nothing. Bakugou didn’t even get his homework done that night; he just kept fading in and out of disturbed sleep until the next day came. His eyes peeled open, and exhaustion filled him yet again as the same mundane routine was done over.
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After some classwork, class 1-A went out for some combat training with their special moves. Everybody else was enthusiastic, and rushed to practice using their quirks. Bakugou’s limbs screamed at the effort of simply walking, so he had no clue how he was gonna get through combat training. Making a small explosion took his breath away, and he was sweating and panting as he attempted to figure out how he was going to gather the energy to do anything more.
He survived, somehow, and was visibly exhausted and relieved when they got back into school uniforms and started to head back to the classroom. Bakugou was more excited to sit down than anything else; his whole body ached at the effort of standing. The blonde was lagging behind everybody else, which caused a few students, Kirishima especially, to glance behind them in worry every once in a while. Bakugou looked at him, and their eyes met. Kirishima’s eyes were filled with concern, and Bakugou felt his face fall just a little. The blonde just tsked and looked at the ground, shoving his hands into his pockets.
Just like the previous day, Bakugou made a beeline for the door once the final class was over. He rushed to his dorm with his head down. He heard some concerned mutters as he shuffled out of the doorway, but he didn’t care. Bakugou felt his palms fizzle in anger as he tsked, getting into the elevator alone. He didn’t want their pity. He didn’t want anyone’s pity, ever .
What little of his usual tough composure he had left began to crumble as the elevator ascended. The doors opened, and he straightened up a little as he walked past Kirishima, Sero, and Kaminari, trying to avoid looking their direction. Kirishima paused and turned around, watching his friend saunter off. He frowned and turned back around once he was out of sight.
Bakugou shut his dorm room door, threw his bag into the corner, and flopped down onto his bed. His eyes were glued on the ceiling. Every blink was growing slower than the last, and he felt his enervated body sink into the mattress. With every passing second, Bakugou felt his consciousness fading. Before his anxieties about the inevitable nightmares and panic to come stopped him, he slipped away into sleep.
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Kirishima walked from the lounge to the elevator, pressing the button for the fourth floor. He planned on simply inviting his crush to sit with him at dinner so he wasn’t by himself, and to make sure he wasn’t forgetting to eat. His heart pounded in his chest as he anxiously tapped his foot. A deep breath filled his lungs as the elevator stopped. The doors opened and Kirishima stepped out. He sighed anxiously as he made his way down the hall.
A sudden explosion made him freeze. Activating his quirk subconsciously, his arm stiffened. A few other small explosions followed, along with a thump and a sharp cry. Kirishima approached Bakugou’s door with caution and concern, and prepared to knock. Another series of small explosions sounded from within the four walls of the blonde’s room, along with a muffled whimper. Kirishima could have sworn he heard crying. Without any hesitation, Kirishima knocked on Bakugou’s door, dinner plans no longer on his mind.
“Bakugou, what’s going on?” Kirishima demanded, his voice filled with alarm. All noise ceased, but there was no verbal response.
“It’s just me, tell me what’s going on, please,” Kirishima pleaded as he pressed his cheek against the wood, knocking on the door again. After a few seconds of silence, he heard a sniffle and a shuddering breath.
“If you don’t open this door right now, I won’t hesitate to break it down,” Kirishima threatened, worry pitching his voice higher. He heard a heavy sigh and some footsteps. The doorknob jiggled and Kirishima stepped back. The door slowly opened, and Bakugou stepped almost entirely behind it, hiding himself. He sluggishly motioned for Kirishima to enter. The redhead raised his eyebrows in surprise, but went inside, turning to face the blonde as he closed the door. His whole body seemed to strain at the effort it took. Kirishima knew that if Bakugou had been well rested and in a better state of mind, he would’ve had to try a whole lot harder to get in, which worried him more. Just how bad was whatever was happening?
“What’s going on?” Kirishima echoed, his voice firm but worried. Bakugou turned around, his lethargic eyes meeting Kirishima’s. The redhead’s face scrunched from one of concern to great worry as Bakugou trudged towards his bed. His whole body relaxed once he sat down, and he looked up to Kirishima.
Kirishima felt his heart ache. Never had he seen Bakugou in such a state before. His skin was pale, and there were tear stains on his cheeks. His face was uncharacteristically tired and dull. His eyes were dim and sunken in, and overall he looked almost lifeless. Seeing the redhead’s expression, Bakugou clasped his hands together and leaned forward, hiding his face. His palms crackled a little, causing him to separate his hands and shake them off. He sighed shakily before connecting them again.
“I don’t want your pity,” Bakugou grumbled, his voice monotonous. “I’m getting enough of that shit from everyone else.”
“I’m not pitying you,” Kirishima replied, his eyebrows knitted in distress as he sat down next to him. “I’m worried about you. There’s a huge difference.” Bakugou tsked and sat up straight, his eyes not moving from whatever he was looking at on the floor.
“Please, tell me what’s going on,” Kirishima begged. Bakugou said nothing in response. His brows furrowed and his eyes darted to the door, almost like he was searching for an escape.
“I swear on my life that whatever you tell me will stay between us,” Kirishima assured firmly, his voice laced with desperation. Bakugou seemed to give in a little at hearing this.
“It’s stupid, you’ll just laugh,” Bakugou grumbled, his composure softening a little.
“I don’t care, and I swear I won’t laugh. Tell me.” Kirishima demanded. Bakugou tensed again, and looked up at the redhead with doubtful eyes.
“When have I ever judged you for anything?” Kirishima questioned rhetorically. “I’m your friend , for crying out loud. Just please tell me what’s wrong.”
“I care about you so much, Bakugou,” Kirishima began, sounding strained and hurt. Bakugou looked up after hearing this, letting his tired eyes meet Kirishima’s worried ones.
“ Please , can’t you just tell me what’s going on?” Kirishima questioned, his voice softer than before. Bakugou’s hands shook as he moved himself against the wall. The blonde sighed, giving up. He didn’t have the energy to lie anymore, and he trusted Kirishima; he held him to his word that whatever he said in here stayed between the two of them.
“Ever since we moved into the dorms,” Bakugou began. Kirishima stayed completely silent, urging him to continue.
“I’ve been having nightmares about…” He faltered. “You know what.” The second part of that sentence sounded uncharacteristically soft, and almost scared.
“Seeing and hearing everybody screaming and then… just fading away,” The blonde strained, his palms fizzing at the thought of it. Kirishima didn’t budge, and gave him the silence he didn’t know if he needed.
“My quirk always wakes me up from them,” Bakugou muttered, glancing to his crackling palms. He clenched his hands shut, hoping to stop them.
“My chest gets all tight, and I can’t breathe,” Bakugou continues, growing more animated and agitated as he recalls the sleepless nights. Kirishima falters, preparing to intervene. “I’m crying and freaking out like a fucking baby, and-”
“Hey,” The redhead interrupted calmly, placing a delicate hand on Bakugou’s shoulder. His body tensed greatly, but he didn’t swat Kirishima’s hand away.
“It’s okay,” Kirishima whispered simply, hoping to calm him some. Bakugou relaxed a little, but his clenched fists placed on his knees still shook.
“You’re not a baby, you’re having panic attacks,” Kirishima stated, his voice slightly more firm. “You experienced a traumatic event. It’s perfectly normal to have nightmares and panic attacks after something like that.” Bakugou seemed to loosen up at that, and he relaxed his hands.
“They happen every night,” Bakugou continued bitterly. Kirishima continued to listen, nodding every now and again to give him some nonverbal encouragement.
“It got to the point where… whenever a nightmare would wake me up, I wouldn’t want to go back to sleep,” Bakugou exhaled, his voice still gruff, but with a hint of vulnerability.
“So I haven’t really slept much these past few days,” He finished, his voice low and hesitant.
“That’s what’s been going on. You happy now?” Bakugou mumbled bitterly, looking up at Kirishima with dull eyes. He half looked like he expected Kirishima to laugh at him or judge him. But Kirishima sat there, listening to every word without a chuckle.
Without thinking twice, Kirishima rotated himself so he was facing Bakugou, and pulled him in for a hug. Bakugou tensed, but didn’t reject it. Kirishima held on, placing his head in the crook of Bakugou’s neck. After a few seconds, Bakugou began to relax, and he eventually wound his arms around Kirishima’s torso.
“Why?” Bakugou whispered, his breath cascading down Kirishima’s back. It gave him goosebumps.
“I figured you needed it,” Kirishima replied honestly in a comforting voice. After a brief silence, Bakugou completely melted in Kirishima’s embrace. His eyes shut, and his strong arms squeezed the redhead as he searched for comfort. Bakugou’s breath hitched in his throat as tears trailed down his cheeks.
“It’s okay,” Kirishima whispered, his voice almost completely inaudible. Bakugou then completely broke, sobbing into Kirishima’s shoulder. The redhead sighed shakily, feeling his chest ache at Bakugou’s pain. He knew he needed this, though, so he continued to comfort him as best he could.
Bakugou’s crying slowly subsided as he calmed, and the two sat in silence for a while, just enjoying the other’s company. The only sounds for a few minutes were the blonde’s soft sniffles, and both of their breathing. After a good long while, Bakugou inhaled shakly and slowly pulled away from Kirishima, wiping his face in his hands.
“Thank you,” He muttered softly, sniffling. Kirishima could’ve sworn he saw a light shade of pink dusting Bakugou’s cheeks.
“Of course,” Kirishima replied, struggling to keep his voice level as his face grew warm.
“I feel better now,” Bakugou added, his voice unusually small.
“Sometimes you can really use a good cry,” Kirishima chuckled lightly. Bakugou rolled his eyes and pouted a little bit, which usually meant he was hiding a smile.
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Kirishima inquired, his voice gentle. Bakugou’s face - and his walls - fell, and he sighed.
“I thought you’d laugh at me… or say it’s stupid,” He admitted sheepishly.
“C’mon now, are you serious?” Kirishima questioned with a fond laugh. Bakugou did the ‘eye-roll-pout’ thing again.
“You know I’d never judge you, right?” Kirishima drilled for the umpteenth time that evening. Bakugou’s face flushed a light shade of pink as he nodded, turning away slightly.
“Wanna get dinner with me?” Kirishima offered warmly after a short lull in conversation. Bakugou looked at the redhead, his face growing warmer as he nodded.
The two walked to the elevator and headed to the cafeteria together. Bakugou listened to Kirishima talk about anything and everything, and for once didn’t find the constant sound annoying. When the redhead wasn’t looking, the blonde felt a smile tug at his lips. He surprisingly enjoyed Kirishima’s company, and he was grateful that he didn’t judge him.
The thought passed through Bakugou’s mind that maybe - just maybe - he liked Kirishima. And after thinking about it for a few minutes, and hearing him laugh, Bakugou decided that maybe it wasn’t the worst thing in the world.