Work Text:
Now, as you might know, I recently sat down with your brother, Dean, and he told us some very interesting things about you.
SW: [snorts] Yeah, I heard you did.
Oh?
SW: He told me he hung me out to dry, so to speak.
Well, Sam, I have good news.
SW: I can save a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico?
No, better. It's your turn.
SW: Oh. Awesome. Well, what do you want to know?
Anything and everything.
SW: Well, he does it all the time, for starters.
All the time?
SW: Yeah. It's kind of ridiculous. I thought I did it a lot, but man, he's got the stamina of a horny sixteen-year-old. And he has all these really weird...things that he does, too.
Like what?
SW: Well, sometimes, I'll be sleeping, you know, and I'll hear him mumbling in the next bed and I'll turn over and he'll stop, but once he thinks I'm asleep, he'll go back to the mumbling and sometimes he makes these weird primal growly sounds in the back of his throat, and it sounds like he's dying or something.
Wow. That must be...awkward.
SW: Nah, it's okay. I honestly think he knows I'm still awake, so he's trying to impress me or something. Because no one comes for that long, man. Not even porn stars come for that long. And trust me, I've seen my share of porn.
Indeed.
SW: And he'll do it in the most random places, too.
Oh? Like where?
SW: He'll probably kill me for saying this, but this one time when we stopped for gas, he sent me inside to get food and soda and stuff, and when I came back out and got in the car, he had the most obvious hard-on ever. Like, I couldn't not see it. And then for the next fifty miles or so, he had his hand on his thigh and his ring kept glinting in the sun and I kept looking down and bam! there it was. And then, when we got to whatever town we were going to, when he thought I wasn't looking, he buttoned his fly. I mean, honestly, who goes fifty miles with his fly unbuttoned?
Dean, apparently.
SW: Apparently. But more importantly, that's not the only time he was jerking off in that car.
Oh?
SW: He loves that car, dude. He calls it "baby" and everything.
Wow.
SW: Yeah. And anyway, so this one time, I woke up in the middle of the night and he was nowhere to be found, so I got up and looked around the room, in the bathroom, and then I went outside and the windows of the car where all fogged up and the whole frame was shaking and then there was that stupid primal growl--I could hear it outside. But, like, who gets up in the middle of the night and goes into his car to jerk off?
Dean, apparently.
SW: Apparently. He's done it at least three times since I've been on the road with him. After that, I just assumed.
Now that's got to be awkward.
SW: Not really. He's--Dean's very special.
Apparently.