Chapter Text
“What do you mean you’re not looking?”
“How can you say that?!”
“Do you want to be alone forever?”
This. This was why Jazz didn’t like it when this subject came up. “Look, guys, I appreciate your concern,” he said, trying not to sigh too obviously. They’d only misinterpret his frustration. “It’s not that I’m not looking, I’m just not looking, you know?”
Tracks fixed him with a look across the table. “That doesn’t make any sense,” he said. “Finding your sparkmate is the best thing in the world.”
“Yeah!” Bumblebee agreed brightly. “That’s why I want to find mine as soon as possible! Everything’s better once you find the other half of your spark.”
“It’s true,” Nautica said, brandishing her stylus. “There’s scientific proof that bonded pairs have heightened awareness and senses.”
“And that’s great,” Jazz said. “I’m not against finding my sparkmate. I’m just not in any rush, either.”
“But why not?” Bumblebee asked, all-too-familiar confusion in his optics. “Why wouldn’t you want to spend as much time with your sparkmate as possible?”
“Because if I spent all my time and energy looking for my sparkmate, I’d miss out on everything else,” Jazz said, not expecting them to understand. “I don’t like the idea that life’s not worth living without your sparkmate, because it’s just not true. You don’t need heightened senses or the presence of that one special someone to appreciate the world or the people around you.”
“Maybe not,” Nautica said, “but why wouldn’t you want them when it’s possible to have them?”
“Sounds like you’re just trying to sound noble about deliberately handicapping yourself,” Tracks snorted.
That angle again. Jazz’s plating pulled in tight, closing him off. “I’m really not,” he said, pushing back his chair to stand. “But I’m not going to waste my time explaining myself to people who don’t want to listen. Excuse me.” Then, taking advantage of the moment of stunned silence, he left.
He’d almost made it out of the room when he heard someone running after him. “Jazz! Wait,” Bumblebee said, his short legs working so he could catch up. “I’m sorry. Please don’t go away mad.”
“I’m not mad,” Jazz said, this time not bothering to hide the sigh. “It’s just… I’m not in the mood for this conversation today.”
“Because of what Tracks said?”
“Because it’s always the same thing.” Bumblebee was walking beside him now, determinedly following him out into the hall, so Jazz went ahead and elaborated. “Everyone always tries to convince me I’m wrong, and I’m tired of being told I’m wasting my time. Or worse, being accused of wasting my sparkmate’s time. When I say I’m not looking, that doesn’t mean I’m hiding or trying to avoid them altogether.” Which some people actually did, so it wasn’t like those assumptions came out of nowhere, but still. “But I’m not going to pass up a night out with my friends because I could be searching for my sparkmate instead. I’m not going to turn down a chance to visit Crystal City because I’ve already been there and I’m more likely to find my sparkmate somewhere I haven’t been yet. And I’m not going to feel sorry for myself for ‘not really living’ until I find them. Not having your sparkmate doesn’t make you handicapped.”
“But if you had any other handicap— I just want to understand,” Bumblebee said, hands going up quickly at Jazz’s frown. “I’m not saying not having your sparkmate is a handicap, but if you were, I don’t know, unable to transform or something, you’d do something about it. Wouldn’t you?”
“Oh?” A wry smile spread across Jazz’s face. “And what if, when I went to a medic, they said my t-cog couldn’t be fixed?”
“Then you could get a scooter or something,” Bumblebee said. “It wouldn’t mean you had to walk everywhere.”
“Hmm. So not finding my sparkmate means I’m choosing to walk everywhere when I could be driving?”
“Kind… of?” To his credit, Bumblebee seemed to sense there was something wrong with the analogy. “Is that bad?”
“Only if you think the only worthwhile way to get anywhere is driving.” Jazz gestured down to their feet. “We’re walking right now, aren’t we?”
“Because we’re indoors,” Bumblebee said. “And we’re not going very far. If we were going to the gardens, we’d drive there.”
“We could drive there,” Jazz said, emphasizing the word. “But we could also walk. It would take longer, sure, but we’d still get there.”
“We’d have less time there before they closed.”
“Yes. We would.” It wasn’t like Jazz was unaware of the consequences of his actions. But that was just it; he was aware, and it was a conscious decision. “And if you want to drive to the garden so you can spend more time there, that’s your choice. Just like if I want to walk, to take in the city skyline instead of watching the road, to chat with the other pedestrians along the way and maybe stop for a snack at that amazing cafe under the overpass, that’s my choice. Is it too much to ask that people respect it, rather than telling me I’m an idiot for not driving?”
“Oh.” Bumblebee’s optics brightened with comprehension, then dimmed again with sadness. “But what if you never make it to the garden?”
Jazz shrugged. “Not everyone does. Not even the ones who try to get there by driving.” Sometimes people tried to drive too fast and wound up crashing and burning. “I hope that I make it. But like I said: I’m not in a rush.”
They walked together in silence as Bumblebee thought that over. Jazz saw him absently rubbing his thumb over the dull half-glyph on his wrist, the one that would light up in completion when he found his sparkmate.
After a long, quiet moment, he looked up and asked, “Is it okay if I walk with you for a while?”
Jazz smiled. “Absolutely. How about we head for the gardens?”
“Only if we can stop under the overpass on the way,” Bumblebee grinned. “They really do make the best oilcakes in town. Plus, I’ve heard their new barista’s really good.”
“Yeah?” Jazz held the door open for Bee and they stepped outside into the sun. “What’s his name?”
“Wheeljack said his name was Prowl.”
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tbc