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That Don’t Impress Me Much
There were many things that Y/n loved about her job. She got to sing and dance every night to some of her favorite songs. The food and drinks were amazing. Plus there was a hot bartender for her to oggle whenever she got the urge. No, Y/n loved her job. What she didn’t like was a certain group of monsters that came in every night.
“You’re on in five my lucky charm,” A smoky voice whispered into her ear.
Y/n shivered as the words slid over her skin. Setting down the mascara she’d been applying Y/n turned to face her boss. And current lover.
“You call me lucky but we both know if it weren’t for your drinks no one would come here,” Y/n replied as she looked up at the fire monster.
“Oh I can think of a few who’d still come, if only to see you,” Grillby replied his purple flames dancing with amusement.
“They’re here again aren’t they?” Y/n asked in a resigned tone.
“Of course, they have yet to miss one of your shows my charm,” Grillby responded as she turned back around with a pout, “Now don’t be like that they are very important guests after all.”
“I know, they’re all very important monsters who have very important jobs working with the King and Queen,” Y/n said rolling her eyes as she recited each word.
“It is true my dear, and I would hate to see you get fired over something as small as upsetting one of them,” Grillby purred resting his hands on your shoulders.
“You know you’d miss me, or at least you’d miss the way I stand up to you unlike the rest of your staff,” Y/n said shooting the fire man a smirk in the mirror.
“That is true, it is refreshing to find someone not afraid to stand up to me. I quality I find quite arousing in a woman these days,” Another shiver went down her back as he said that word, “I hope to never find out how much I’d miss you if you had to leave.”
“Right, I’ll do what I can but if that small one puts his hands on me again all bets are off.”
“Let me deal with Sans, I do hate it when people touch my things.”
“Can’t really blame him if he doesn’t know,” Y/n pointed out.
Despite the fact they were together no one else knew. Y/n had been the one to suggest it. She knew how many women came in hoping to have a shot with the fiery bartender. It was the same for her, Y/n never ended a night without receiving no less than ten propositions from single (and sometimes married) men and monsters. It irked her slightly to see woman fawn over Grillby but right now this was for the best.
“It does not matter, you are mine until I say otherwise,” Grillby growled pressing his mouth into her shoulder.
“Mmm that goes both ways sailor,” Y/n moaned as he mouthed her skin, “You’d better stop before you leave a mark.”
“I shall have to settle for marking you elsewhere later tonight my dear. Until then you have a show to preform and monsters to entertain,” Grillby said pulling back.
“Then you’d better get out so I can finish getting ready. I know better then to play with fire when it’ll end with me getting burned,” Y/n winked causing Grillby to chuckle lowly.
“Very well, until later my lucky charm.”
With that Grillby left, his eyes never leaving Y/n’s in the mirror until the door closed behind him. Letting out a sigh Y/n finished her makeup and gave herself a final glance over. The dress she was wearing that night was in her favorite color. It had a sweetheart neckline and a slit that ran up one side and it fit perfectly. Honestly Y/n wished that she made enough to hire Muffet to make all her clothes not just her stage ones. The spider knew her way around a needle and thread alright.
Satisfied with her look Y/n pulled on her heels and headed for the door. At the last minute she turned back around, heading back to her dresser to snatch something off the top. It was a choker that held a single flame at the very end. Grillby had given it to her one night. No explanation just slid it onto her neck as they lay on his bed. At first she’d been hesitant to wear it but now she wore it for every show. Y/n couldn’t say the flame man was hers out loud but at least when she wore the choker she knew he was hers.
“One minute Ms. L/n!” Someone called through her door.
“Coming!” Y/n called back putting the necklace on.
With that she headed out the door ready to face whatever the night held for her.
-
Or so she thought. By the end of her second song Y/n was ready to storm out of the building. The group she’d been worrying about before was causing more trouble than usual tonight. No matter what anyone said or did nothing they did was right. Already three glasses had been broken and more then one waitress traumatised. Unfortunately there was little anyone, except Grillby, could do considering the group was made up of : The royal scientist, Captain of the Royal Guard, The Judge, and The World's Favorite (though not hers) Killer Robot.
All were difficult, demanding, and crude. Some nights they came alone. Those were the better ones. (Most of the time) When they all came together, like tonight, they were nearly impossible to deal with. Y/n could tell that even Grillby was getting annoyed by their behavior. Normally she stayed as far away from the group as possible. (None of them had made any attempt to hide the fact they all wanted her) Tonight however Y/n couldn’t help but feel a trace amount of pity for everyone who had to deal with them. Which left only one option..
“You boys causing trouble tonight?” Y/n asked as she approached the table they sat at.
“HARDLY, IT IS NOT OUR FAULT IF A FEW HUMANS CANNOT REMEMBER A SIMPLE BATCH OF ORDERS,” Papyrus replied hauntily glaring at her.
Papyrus. When it came down to it he was her favorite out of the group. Which wasn’t saying much, considering the only reason he was first had to do with how little trouble he actually caused her. A tall skeleton monster, Y/n could admit he was handsome in a bad boy kind of way. If it weren’t for his ego (which was the size of Mt. Ebott) she might have considered taking him up on one of his offers. As captain of the royal guard he demanded respect and attention everywhere he went. Something that Y/n didn’t find attractive in the slightest which seemed to endlessly urk him.
“Good I’d hate to see some of my favorite people get kicked out,” Y/n said winking at the captain and causing him to turn red.
“Oh darling we would never dream of such a thing, if I couldn’t see such a beautiful creature like yourself I would simply turn to dust,” Mettaton said pretending to faint by pressing two of his hands against his forehead.
‘And wouldn’t that be a shame,’ Y/n thought before turning to face the robot.
Mettaton. Out of all the monsters in the world he was by far the most recognizable. So far his face could be seen splashed across nearly everyone surface known to man. Y/n was sure that if he had his way Mettaton would plaster his face across the moon as well. The ghost turned robot was the most annoying out of the group. Mettaton acted as if the he was a king and everything in the world should be his. Which included her. Needless to say Y/n hated putting up with the monster. The only time she liked seeing him was when he was in a group. Alone he was a nightmare, with others he was a little more manageable considering there were other people to fawn over him.
“I wouldn’t know what to do if I couldn’t see you either handsome,” Y/n grinned despite her annoyance, “Let’s not find out shall we?”
“Anything for you darling,” Mettaton replied reaching out to snag one of Y/n wrists and kiss her hand.
Y/n mentally rolled her eyes, even as she coyly slid her hand out of the robots grip. Turning she noticed the two other occupants of the table watching her closely. One with a cold stare, and the other with an expression that screamed indecent thoughts. These two were the ones she had the hardest time dealing with. The fact that they were skeleton monsters like Papyrus did little to calm her. In fact these two were the complete opposite of the captain. At least he was honest in his actions most of the time, even if she didn’t appreciate his gestures.
“Something on your mind Doctor? You’ve been awfully quiet tonight,” Y/n questioned turning to gaze at the taller of the two skeletons.
“Not at all dear. Simply admiring the view, though I’m sure such a lovely creature like yourself knows quite well the effect she has on men,” Gaster replied in his whispery voice.
Gaster. He was by far the creepiest of the bunch. The way he looked at her, as if he was dissecting her with his gaze alone, was unnerving. His comments often veered into the stalker category as he would bring up her favorite restaurants or movies in discussion. Y/n never really trusted the Royal Scientist, no matter how much of a “nice guy” act he put on.
Internally shuddering Y/n only smirked seductively and leaned over the table so the doctor now had a full view of her chest.
“Well I must say it affects your son well enough,” Y/n commented before pulling back.
“you can say that again doll,” Sans replied already drooling.
And last but not least Sans. He currently held the record in her book as having used the worst pick up line ever the night they met. (“you a match doll because you’re on fire,”) Y/n never understood how such a monster as Sans could be the Judge. He was always drooling over her, always wore the same clothing (which he never seemed to wash), and harassed all the female staff. Out of the four he was the only one who still prepositioned her every night.
“Might want to wipe that doll, wouldn’t want to ruin Grillby’s clean floors now would we,” Y/n pointed out offering the skeleton a nearby napkin.
“it’d be worth it if it got you to come home with me,” Sans replied.
“Hmm I’ll think about it, in the meantime you boys behave. You wouldn’t want to miss my next performance now would you?” Y/n asked pouting slightly.
She really hated acting like a flirt with these guys. It didn’t help deter them in the slightest and always left her feeling a little slimy.
“Wouldn’t dream of it darling, though I do hope you think of me when you choose your next song,” Mettaton replied posing dramatically.
“Indeed, any one of us would be lucky if you sang with us in your thoughts,” Gaster said his eyes lighting with sadistic glee.
“if anything doll will be thinking bout me right doll?” Sans piped in with a lustful expression on his face.
“OH YOU THREE ARE INSUFFERABLE. AS IT STANDS I THE GREAT PAPYRUS HAVE THE BEST CHANCE OF WOOING THE HUMAN AND WIN-,” Papyrus started to say before Mettaton covered his mouth.
“Never mind him darling, why don’t you go get ready. Many of are dying to see your next performance,” Mettaton said two of his other hands shooing you off.
Y/n only nodded and walked away as she processed everything. The moment she reached her dressing room her anger had reached its peak. Those four had made a bet about her. This wouldn’t be the first time, or the last, that a bet had been made about her. Guys were always throwing themselves at her hoping she’d give them a chance, something that others often took advantage of. It was sickening and downright disrespectful. If it had been anyone else Y/n would have knocked their teeth out and reported them to Grillby. Because of who she was dealing with however she couldn’t do that.
That didn’t mean she wasn’t going to have her revenge.
Opening the door of her dressing room Y/n flagged down a member of the band. In less then a minute she had informed them of the situation and her plan. Thankfully they were more then willing to go along with it. Y/n liked to think it was her persuasive nature that swayed the man. Although the fact that one of the waitresses Sans had harassed was his girlfriend might also have helped.
Ten minutes later Y/n stepped onto her stage decked out in her most jaw dropping dress. Most of the upper half was made out of a sheer blood red fabric. The rest of the dress looked as if it were made out of liquid gold that slid over her body effortlessly. Grillby had once told her she looked liked a goddess in this dress. ‘A beautiful and vengeful goddess,’ as he’d put it.
Which was perfect.
“Hello everyone I hope you’ve been having a wonderful evening,” Y/n said into the mic, aware of the numerous eyes that followed her every movement, “As this will be my last performance of the evening I wanted to do something a little “special” to wrap up the evening.”
Glancing over at Grillby Y/n caught the confused and suspicious look he was giving her. She only responded with a wink before turning her attention to the table where all her current nuisances sat.
“This next song is dedicated to four very special monsters who I’m sure you all know,” Y/n sang as she grabbed the mike and walked off stage, “I thought it was about time I let you all know how I truly feel about you. What do you think?”
They all simply nodded entranced by her appearance to speak.
“Alright then, take it away boys!” Y/n said motioning to the band with her hands.
As soon as the first notes hit the air Y/n turned to Gaster and began to sing.
I’ve known a few guys who thought they were pretty smart.
But you’ve got being right down to an art.
You think you’re a genius-you drive me up the wall.
You’re a regular original, know-it-all.
Oh-oo-oh, you think you’re special.
Oh-oo-oh you think you’re something else.
Y/n leaned over until she was nearly in Gaster’s lap as she sang. Reaching up she let one of her hands trail down his face watching as a his eyelights darkened with lust. That is before she flicked in the space between his eyes with a smirk.
Okay, so you’re the royal scientist.
That don’t impress me much.
So you got the brains but have you got the touch?
Don’t get me wrong, yeah I think you’re alright.
But that won’t keep me warm in the middle of the night.
That don’t impress me much.
A scowl replaced the look of desire on his face as she backed away. Some of the bar erupted in laughter as she moved away from the doctor. If the look of anger of his face was anything to go by she was in for a bad time later. Not that Y/n cared, no she had already moved onto her next target. The look on Mettaton’s face as she draped herself over his back was perfect. It got better when he blushed as she started singing right next to his ear.
I never knew a guy who carried a mirror in his pocket.
And a comb up his sleeve-just in case.
And all that extra hold gel in your hair oughta lock it.
‘Cause Heaven forbid it should fall outta place.
Oh-oo-oh you think you’re special.
Oh-oo-oh you think you’re something else
Y/n drew her hand up Mettaton’s chest as she sang causing him to shudder. He was putty in her hands. Which made it all the more fun when she slid that hand into his hair and messed it up before pulling away.
Okay so you’re Mettaton.
That don’t impress me much.
So you got the looks but have you got the touch?
Don’t get me wrong, yeah I think you’re alright.
But that won’t keep me warm in the middle of the night.
That don’t impress me much.
The scandalized expression he shot her was the best. Sticking out her tongue Y/n moved onto Papyrus, barely paying any attention to the glare Mettaton was now shooting her. It seemed like Sans and Papyrus had both figured out this was some sort of prank. Papyrus barely looked at her as she slid onto the table in front of him. Reached out Y/n slid a finger under his jaw and forced him to look at her, which caused a red blush to settle over his cheeks.
You’re one of those guys who likes to show off his skills.
You always make me listen as you brag about your accomplishments.
I can’t believe you kiss your weapons goodnight.
C’mon baby tell me -you must be jokin’ right!
Oh-oo-oh you think you’re special.
Oh-oo-oh you think you’re something else.
Now the blush was more intense as Papyrus glared. Y/n smiled softly for a second before raising a foot and pushing him backwards. He didn’t fall over but it was a near thing though it was enough to allow Y/n to slide off the table. Smirking as she punched him lightly in the shoulder.
Okay so you have a badge.
That don’t impress me much.
So you you got the moves but have you got the touch.
Don’t get me wrong, yeah I think you’re alright.
But that won’t keep me warm in the middle of the night.
With that she turned to her last victim. Sans was sweating as she stepped over to him a nervous grin on his face. Reaching out she grabbed him by his collar and dragged him to his feet.
That don’t impress me much.
You think you’re cool but have you got the touch.
Don’t get me wrong, yeah I think you’re alright.
But that won’t keep me warm on the long, cold, lonely nights.
That don’t impress me much.
Okay, so what do you think you’re Elvis or something?
Whatever.
That don’t impress me.
With that she shoved him back into his seat before flouncing away. Turning to look back she winked at the table that now held four humiliated and angry monsters. The rest of the bar however had loved the performance. Placing the mike back on the stand she bowed before heading back to her dressing room. Or she tried to.
Y/n hadn’t anticipated on a certain elemental monster snagging her before she could make her escape.
“Oh hey there boss, you enjoy my show?” Y/n asked as she turned to face the sure to be angry monster.
“No I did not, I think you should understand why,” He shot back none of his usual playfulness anywhere in his voice.
Y/n sighed knowing that she might have just ruined something good. Opening her mouth to speak she was cut off as Grillby sealed his mouth over hers. Heat rushed through Y/n’s body as she struggled to stay upright. Her arms latched onto his as he dipped her backwards. Only when Y/n was sure she was about to lose her mind did he pull away. Half of her wanted to smack the smirk off his face, the other half wanted to pull him down and kiss him again.
“I did not enjoy letting others see you in all your sinful glory. Do you even know how easily you can drive a sane monster mad with your seductions? No my charm I think I shall keep you to myself from now on,” Grillby purred as he pulled Y/n upright.
“So you’re not mad?” Y/n wondered.
“Oh no you shall be punished later, but I will admit it was arousing watching you put them in their place,” He replied.
“Well then flame boy if you liked it that much maybe I should try it on you,” Y/n grinned wickedly.
“I’d love to see you try love,” Grillby replied before kissing her again in view of the entire bar.
The cries of disappointment and repressed anger were music to Y/n ears.