Chapter Text
“Sometimes we can spent years without live at all and suddenly all our life its concentrate in just one instant”
- Oscar Wilde –
Life, Vida, Vita. In pure and finite state. Beautiful and contradictory. Sometimes fair, other times not so much and generally not fair at all. Sometimes the lifetime is a blink in the universe, sometimes is 110 times the earth rotating around the sun, but finite, Finitus. An endless sea of opportunities for whoever wants to believe it. There’re those who choose to be happy no matter how hard the things can get, and there’re the ones who prefers just to be miserable souls for the rest of their lives because one time life turned out to be not exactly what they expected and when it gives them a second chance, they’re so busy playing victims of their own luck that they don’t see it. Or… don’t want to see it.
Forever and ever these are the impressions that Xabier collects from life, see it through human eyes. Humans. Xabier thinks that they don’t have the courtesy to at least appreciate their own faculties, given it by Ela. She is too much generous with them, Xabier honestly believe. They don’t have a clue of how immensely fortunate they’re. The fact that they can breathe, feel the air fill their lungs, taste and smell the coffee in the mornings, eat, feel their own heartbeat the proof of life, the tenderness of a caress on the cheek, heat, cold, feel angriness and sadness, happiness, cry, laugh… have a motive for smile.
Emotions, sensations, things for which Xabier would resign to his immortality, to his gifts, to be a protector and a guide to whom they possess the greatest treasure of the universe: Free will, be human and have a choice.
Humans are the most fascinating specie that Ela could have created. Even for her, they’re a mystery. She can’t predict how they can act or what decisions they would make. And these were her intentions when she created them. When she designed “mother nature” (to her own resemble), she planned everything in some way that nothing would be out of a system and more importantly, with a reason to exists. But she wondered: what could happen if I left something flows to an unknown course? If it could choose its own destiny, its purpose in this world? And then she created that imperfect-perfect machine called human, because in the imperfection lies a strange beauty that end it being captivating.
We’re angels Xabier, we were created to protect and guide the human race. That’s why we exist, that’s our purpose in this world… words that repeatedly Mikel, his colleague, says to him anytime he can. He’s the only being to whom Xabier has confessed his inquisitiveness with human nature. Mikel for Xabier is like their protégées would say… his friend. There are so many things that angels know, in theory, because to the closeness with humans. Through the reading, art, science and the power to mingling between people without being seeing, angels domain really good the hominid existence. After all, they also have the gift of listen human’s thoughts, their fears, their wishes and see their manifestations of love, hate, sadness and joy. Ela only give them the senses of see and listen, with that is more than enough to do their duties with the living ones. Whisper in the dreams of those who are feeling lost, hear their prays, their petitions. Sow hope; kiss the eyelashes of those who are in the beginning of their eternal rest. Xabier has always done his part; he has been a good server to Ela, but, as more he hears every thought and sees the expressions of feelings, Xabier wants… wish to be human.
Say that Ela knows exactly what’s happening to her angel is a bit of an understatement, though she can’t elude the feeling of disappointment... why you Xabier? Why you this time? Also Xabier can’t deny that he has the knowledge that his creator knows exactly what he started to want and feel. The certainty of these new curiosities is for Ela’s domain, because he doesn’t have the capacity of know it. And Ela can’t take part and disrupt the course of the future events that she absolutely can expect and see like a spectator when the time comes, because the true is, she doesn’t want to avoid it, and more importantly… she can’t.
Xabier will not stop to being a heavenly messenger for Ela because that’s his mission, to what he was created for and not matter what is happening to him, he will not resign to his existence like an angel and to his duties. But in other times, when this rare case happened before between her good servers, when one of them walks on the earth like human, it is always for the same reason.
Ela knows she can’t expect anything different with Xabier.
***
“I have a smile
Stretched from ear to ear
To see you walking down the road”
***
“Today is definitely NOT my day”
The phrase resounds in Steven’s brain like a mantra. Since he waked up this morning he was convinced that today it was going to be a shitty day. Period. Just as simple as that. And what else he was going to think once he put his feet on the wet carpet, thanks to the sink’s broken pipe that probably last night renounced to be a functioning pipe and of course he doesn’t noticed because he was unconsciously slept?. The little incident cost it 300 pounds and not counting with the cleaning and drying of the carpet because now the room smell like ugh… there goes another 300… Steven is making a mental check on remove the fucking carpet before I ended up burning it on his list of pendent issues while he’s finally getting out of his apartment and starts the traverse to the most miserable part of his life… his damn job.
Steven George Gerrard. Male, 33 years old, 1.85 of height, blue-ocean eyes, light-brown hair. He owns a faculty that makes him notable amongst the mass of people that are walking on the Liverpool streets with him… his furrowed brow. It seems that Steven is always angry, but to whom? Well, who knows, probably with the life itself.
Steven was predestined to be successful, to be a local hero. At his 13 years old, he was showing his brilliance with a football on the field. Life back then was smiling to him, shining and full of success. He won a scholarship because of football, was part of the youth team of Liverpool FC and he was loved and respected by his team mates. He was a promise. Football became in a way of life and at his 16, Steven could see himself in Anfield playing with the first team, making golden goals and winning impossible matches. To hear “You’ll Never Walk Alone” chanted by 46000 voices and feel the roar through his veins with the crowded choir… life was sweet at 16. Until an instant, it was all that it took, a blink and the motive of Steven’s happy days was cruelly taken by karma.
Now, 17 years later, at 180º from what he visualized for himself in his younger age, Steven is not happy. Do what it left to do because you don’t have another choice, because life turned out a bitch, and fuck it, do what is necessary just to be socially accepted, Steven is convinced that he’s not happy and probably he never will. At least, not in this life.
“Jamie I’ll be there in a while. My flat got wet because of a broken pipe, I had to wait the plumber and the son of a bitch stole me without a gun and I really need caffeine in my system, just give me 30 min” – Steven says goodbye to his boss and best friend Jamie Carragher and gives to the cab’s driver the address of the Café near to his office. Of course the traffic was hell and Steven got trapped in it almost an hour, in a car with a driver who looked alike to those typical Indians drivers in yanks movies, with a turban and his fucking music that it wasn’t helping at all to the nervous system of the already stressed Scouser. And speaking of stereotypes “why this day is determined to be a fucking shitty day??”
Steven climbs off of the taxi in front of the Café, ends up paying the most expensive ride he’s ever paid “Seriously, I’m going to end fucking ruined today” and directs his steps to his precious doses of caffeine in Cappuccino Americano presentation thank you, which he got it after doing a long line of course, and minutes later he feels suffocated by the tied tie and tries to loosen it a bit but he’s busy between the cup of Cappuccino and the useless bag, and now is a fucking battle for the stubborn man who keeps trying with his busy hands unleash his neck from the suppression of the fucking tie, and he’s losing control of the cup but he’s blinded by his fight. Minutes later Steven is cursing, loud… like really loud. Sending to the hell this fucking day, his grey pants impregnated by the light-brow of the coffee and the whipped cream looking literally fucking gorgeous in his new shining black shoes.
Steven wants to cry, lie on the floor and just surrenders to this shitty day. Ironically, what he ends up doing is laugh hysterically, making fun of himself because he feels like there’s no other possible thing to do just recognize that today is his LOSER DAY!.
For a moment on his face is printed a smile, his blue eyes shining with amusement, showing his white teeth and glowing… just glowing. At that exact moment, across the street someone is watching him. Someone who is standing up there unmoved and in a flash thinks that what is happening in front of him, the smile of that man and his bright blue eyes is something that he should see every day, because in that instant Xabier thinks he understands what humans call to be content, complete. And he can’t avoid smile along with him. There are a few things that in his infinite existence has made Xabier smile.
This is the first time he's been caught up by a wish… he wish smile again under the same circumstance.
***
-“I’m sorry ma’am, but the contract was stipulated with this conditions since you signed it”
-“But it just not fair, now can you tell me why I’m paying a life insurance?
-“Mrs. Graham, my apologies but there’s nothing I can do. When you signed the service’s contract with us, it was clear written in it that we only make the refund of the cost of the medical exams if the diagnosis shows the existence of a pathologic disease and luckily for you is not the case”.
-“I can’t consider myself lucky at the moment if not a single pennie of the 450 pounds that I waste in those exams will be repaid. I want to talk with your supervisor; this doesn’t convince me at all, I demand an explanation from your supervisor”.
-“Ma’am I can assure you, what I’m saying right now, it’ll be the exact same thing you’ll hear from my boss, there’s no need-
-“I SAID THAT I WANT TO SPEAK WITH YOUR SUPERVISOR!!”
-“Absolutely, is the office at the end of the hall fourth door to your left, the Manager is there. Probably he can give you an expected answer, sorry for the trouble”.
Steven doesn’t have time for this, honestly. The giant zombie is about to eat his last flower and he needs more suns to sow more flowers and kill the bastard before it gets to the house and eats all the brains it will surely found. This is the most productive day of the week so far. Steven is on stage 20 of his game “Plants and Zombies”; early in the morning he had to spend almost two hours in a meeting with the rest of the staff and the Corporative Manager discussing over… over things that Steven couldn’t care less. He doesn’t give a flying fuck to the fact that the customers are cancelling accounts with them, that probably it’ll be necessary a personal reduction (sometimes Steven wish a kick in his ass and put an end to this miserable “professional life”) or that is needed a new marketing strategy to attract more clients… bla, bla, bla… the words got lost in Steven’s ears. He only was wishing the end of the meeting so he could go back to his office and continue the kill of zombies (or his second round of Black jack), whatever it gets his attention off the exterior and its existential problems.
An hour after a frustrating session with the zombies and their hungriness for his warrior flowers, Jamie goes to Steven’s office a little upset and protesting why in the hell you send me that crazy lady and her hysterical ramblings.
-“She asked for my supervisor, I was only satisfying a demand from a client”
-“Why you didn't send her to the hell?”
-“Can I do that?” – Steven’s answering with a grin while he’s seeing the screen of his computer and suddenly his wrinkles gets deeper and the smirk falters, because once again he lost his battle with the zombies and he’s stuck in stage 20 and now this is getting personal you twat!
-“Actually no, you can't. And what are you doing that you aren't even looking my face?”
Steven tries a little hurried to shut down the game before Jamie gets to see it, but he was too close and well, he saw frozen zombies and flowers with angry faces and then a not so embarrassed Steven laughing a little shy now.
-“Really Stevie? In the middle of working hours?”
-“Oh come on, like is there something else to do…”
-“Of course there’s a lot to do”
-“You don’t say… like what?”
-“Did you even listened all the things that were said this morning? Were you in the same meeting with me?”
-“Uhm, yeah… I was sitting right next to you… so?”
-“So!!?? What Brendan said didn’t get your attention? About the risk of us losing our jobs and what we can do to preserve our monthly pay and all? Things are not ok Steven”
-“Jamie, I couldn’t care less…”
-“At least you can appreciate the fact that you’re here because of me and try to make me look good before the board?”
-“That’s what I always do. My work is on time, I smile every morning to Miss Roberts, in the meetings I always agree with everything it’s being said”-
-“You only move your head like those nodding dogs for cars! It’s like you aren’t there!”
-“But they don’t know that, right?? So, why don’t you just go to your office and do your thing and let me do whatever it grants me real placer through the rest of the day?”
Jamie is making a mental exercise and tries to remember when it was the last time he saw his friend smiles genuinely. He concludes it was a long time ago and also that he misses the carefree spirit that once he appreciated in his best friend. When Jamie met him in high school, Steven was the sweetest, kind and friendly kid and immediately they became best friends. Their friendship has remained in time and since that incident, in that fateful match, Jamie has witnessed through all this years of how Steven has turned out in a bitter, sarcastic and lonely person.
He’s had some companion, but nothing remotely close to a serious or committed relationship. In fact, in the moment he feels that there’s something odd with his “sentimental” partner, when suddenly his thing is called a “relationship” from the other’s point of view, and suddenly everything seems so routinely and formal, without thinking twice, he ends up breaking any attempt of that sort, finding himself free like a bird again and enjoying his loneliness (if you can call that enjoy, from Jamie’s point of view).
Later that day when they’re in the pub drinking their accustomed 7 o’ clock pint before go home, Jamie tries “for fuck’s sakes” have a normal conversation with Steven, where he tries to change his mind and make him reason about the benefits of having a normal relationship, the chances of feeling good with himself and make that significant person happy.
-“I don’t understand you people, why you still think that your happiness depends on others? Corny way to see life if you ask me!”
-“It’s not like that, and you know it. It's about to share your life with someone who wants to, who wants to be with you”-
-“Ugh here we go again… slow down Jay, I don’t care have a relationship, I sucks for that kind of thing”
-“It’s not healthy to be so alone”
-“I’m not alone. Why you’re saying that? I have my family close; I have you, even if you’re a pain in the ass sometimes, why do I need more? And if it for the sex, there’s always someone who can satisfy your needs in that way without expecting anything in change. God bless those good Samaritans”- a smirking Steven says the last part with a sassy wink followed by a bitter drink and Jamie, feeling defeated again and moving his head in a “No” gesture, changes the subject of their conversation to Liverpool FC, in how Jamie Jr. says Dadda and the boobs of the sexy waitress that smiles to him every morning when he goes to buy his coffee, even that he knows boobs are not exactly a theme for an attractive conversation for Steven, but it’s hilarious the dissertations that his friend can make about it, Jamie always enjoys Steven’s ramblings about tits.
***
Xabier decides that Liverpool is his kind of city. Big cities are always fascinating for him, is overwhelming to see how far humans can go with their great capacity of creation and big cities are an example of it. However, there’s a strange charm that surrounds Liverpool and that’s why Xabier is always tempted to go back there, like he’s attached to it. One of the things that comforts him is how genuinely identified the people are with the city, how you can see the pride in their faces when The Beatles are mentioned, or when they talk about their football club. Xabier thinks that Liverpool FC fans are the most romantic and loyal ones, even if the team is losing or that they don’t figure between the best of Europe, you can see the fans chanting every game like their life depends on it until the final whistle. Always the 46000 souls, crying, laughing, celebrating in one voice. Anfield is one of those places in which Xabier loves to lose himself between the people, and live with them those vibrant 90 minutes.
-“Why you’re so thoughtful angel?”- Xabier seems to come back from wherever he was and turns around to see his friend, who takes a seat next to him on the bank in front of the City's port.
-“I was meditating about something that I saw this this morning”
-“And you have a conclusion?”
-“I want this someone to see me, show me to him. I want him to listen me”
Mikel can’t stop to seem surprised before such a confession. He asks the most logical question that he can think to ask –“How do you know that it is what you want?”
-“Because I can’t stop to thinking about this man that I saw this morning and what I felt in that moment. I’m curious about him”
-“What is this that you suppose you felt?”
-“The urgency of know how someone that can smile like that keeps inside so much bitterness. There’s something that perturbs him and I want to know what it is”
-“You only saw him smile? That is it?”
-“Well basically, and also I saw him fight with his tie and drops his coffee on his pants and shoes. His reaction was to smile because of his own stupidity. It was quite hilarious”- Xabier remembers the image vividly and he can’t avoid smile again, the poor man’s exasperation was very amusing. Or that’s what Xabier thinks.
Mikel finds himself fascinated by his friend’s confession and also a little worried. It’s a certainty that Mikel isn’t excluded to let himself being captivated by humans behaviours and their particular way to live their life. But he’s very clear about what is his mission on earth and his intentions are to honour Ela’s commands. Xabier and Mikel are Ela’s favourite angels. She trusts in them so much, their obedience and dedication has surprised her immensely. And yes, they’re her favourites, she can have that luxury… after all, is very unlikely that her other servers can feel envy or jealousy, since they don’t have that capacity. There’s no need to worry for an inexistent war in her celestial court.
-“I really wish to understand you Xabier, honestly. You’re speaking of something that I can’t share my thoughts with you because I never wanted to be one of them. Probably that fact makes you understand them more than I do”
-“Perhaps you’re right”
-“And how you’re planning to meet this man?”- Xabier turns to Mikel with a perplexed look on his eyes. Mikel smiles and says –“Don’t tell me that you were thinking to say to the poor man Ey my name is Xabier and I’m an angel, I was wondering what makes your life so miserable…”
-“That’s not a bad idea when you come to think about it”
-“I’m talking seriously Xabier”
Xabier pretends that he can breathe and sighs deeply. Of course that he has thought about how to board this man. He has planned some scenarios of what he must to say or how, but human’s incredulity in some things makes Xabier to doubt about how he can carry out this mission. However, his curiosity is commanding his wishes of make possible for this man to have a different motivation for smile and that’s enough reason for him to not care about formalities and simply let the things flows naturally to the course that must be.