Chapter Text
The first kiss is special and who wouldn't have it with one's crush? Heart beats fast, butterflys fly in the belly and lips meet each other for the first time. So many feelings in one moment. So incredibly beautiful and especially. It's only difficult if your crush doesn't feel like you or either not allowed to feel like you. That's Shotas problem. He has a crush to his teacher since the first day and he would do anything to get his first kiss from Hiroshi Tanahashi. Like every day in his lessons, Shota hang on his lips by every word the older man talked. His trying to get his attention ended up in being the best, only to see his smile if Shota give a right answer and made him proud. This year he even got him in Biology and English so he saw the beautiful man three times in the week for the next year. Dream come true. This could only being better if Shota see him every day, also at the weekend. But thats really a dream, which never come true. The handsome man was probably married or had a girlfriend, Shota wasn't sure about it, because his teacher didn't talk much about his private life. Not like Shota wanted. He wanted to knew what Tanahashi do if the schoolsday end. The older man was trained so Shota imagined him during training. Sweaty trained body from his teacher, too bad he hid this under so much clothes. The young boy sighs dreamily. "Whats up, Shota?", whispered his seatmate and good friend Ren. "You sound like a schoolgirl in love." His friend grinned, because he knew about Shotas crush on his teacher. Only him knew it and thats actually someone too much. But Shota couldn't keep his secret from him, because Ren knews him better than anyone else. "Shut up, dumbass. You're just jealous about it.", He grinned back and his words doesn't sound nasty. Ren rolled his eyes and slapped him lightly against the shoulder. The two boys laughed softly, but their teacher heard them. "If the class bores you, you're welcome to join in to make it more entertaining, Mr. Umino and Mr. Narita." They both pulled in their heads and murmured an apology. Shota blushed under Tanahashi's gaze and he bit his lip. That was so embarrassing. The stern look was not what he wished to see but he knew he deserved it. The last thing he wanted was to disappoint Tanahashi. "Now I got your full attention, we can continue with the topic." He gave each of them an intense look and he could imagine, but did Tanahashi look at him longer? The young boy feel soft tingle in his belly by this thoughts. The rest of the Biology lesson, he watched what Tanahashi said.
The bells rings and finished the classes. "Toa asked if we would eat together. Are you going? Or do you do rather continue gaze adoringly at the teacher?" Ren grabbed his stuff, grinned and dodged a blow to the arm. "You such an idiot, Ren. Did you know that?", Shota moaned annoyed and looked at him warningly. Sometimes Ren exaggerated it, even if he didn't mean it. "I know you love me." winked the younger to him and they left the room. In the front of the door Shota smiled at Tanahashi and was happy when he replyed it. The older man had a small dimple if he smiled and it looks so fantastic when he's smiled at him. There was a lot going on in the schoolyard when they entered. Their friends sat under a tree at the left side of the yard and Toa waved to them. They was a motley group of people from different classes. Shota and Ren where the youngest of the group but this was their second Highschool year. The other guys like Toa and Oka were seniors and would graduate next summer. "Hey guys, whats up?" Shota sank onto the bench and sought his breakfast out of his bag. "What do you think? Toa the loudmouth rubs me again under the nose that he has already received the collage." Oka sounds exasperated, but Toa laughed. "I told you send the applications early! Thats not my fold if you're lazy", he defended himself and Oka shakes his head. "I keep the deadlines, so shut the fuck up. I'm not lazy." Shota only listened at the edge, while his thoughts were by a completely different place. They would write a English test tomorrow, so he would've a new opportunity to prove his knowledge. Everytime Tanahashi gives him his test back there was a proud expression in his eyes. This view made his heart full of admiration. "Hey Umino!", something hit him on the head. "Aua…", complained the young boy and rubbed about where he was hit. "We talked with you, jerk.", Toa laughed and shaked his head. "Where are you with your thoughts?" Ren grinnend by this question, because he knew where Shotas thoughts were, but he promised to keep Shotas secret. "Is none of your business", he growled. "So what's going on?", Shota asked early befor they could continue to drill. "I asked you about you're college selection. Mean next year it's your turn." Shota stopped eating. "I don't know… theres some interesting….but I doesn't chose anyone.", he pressed around without a clear answer. The thought itself to made his graduate and go to college was enough that he lost his appetite. He wouldn't see Tanahashi again. Deep sadness spread in him. There was so much he wanted to tell him, but Shota knews the rules. No relationship between teachers and students. The break ends but the day was over for Shota. The hole time were there the thoughts, that he had to go sometime.
He still didn't feel better the next day. Shota lay awake half the night in bed thinking about his feelings and what he could do. Even repeating the class was very seductive for a moment, but that wouldn't please his father. Besides, he would also have to get worse in Tanahashi's classroom and thats wasn't a option. The first lessions passed him without his knowing. In the third lession they would write the exam and when it rang for a break Shota still stayed at his seat. Ren tried to talk with him but at least he gives up after Shota doesn't react. The young boy stares out of the window dreams about a endless day together with Tanahashi. In his mind they sat in a café talked and Shota listend Tanas wonderful voice. As he always did in class but with the difference that he learned more about the older man. What movies he likes, his favorite color, just everything. Shota sighted softly. These daydreams just make it harder for him but it was the only thing he had. "Mr. Umino, why are you not in the break?" Without realizing it, his favorite teacher had come into the room. Shotas heart jumped and beats faster. He shyly smiled and for a second he forgets to breathe. "I need some rest. Doesn't had much sleep last night.", explanatory means and noticed the worried look from his teacher. Tanahashi put down his bag and walked to his student. "Because of the test or does something else concern you? If it's because of the test, I'm not worried that my best student will pass it with flying colors." The taller man smiled and under normal circumstances, these words would fill him with joy. So Shota only thought about that he must go sometime. The attempt to swallow the lump failed so he lowered his eyes. "No not the test.", he murmured and Shota asked himself how he could explain that without lying. "It's just…there is…I…", Shota sighted deep and Tanahashi noticed that he couldn't talk about it. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want. It's just a option." Shota felt a warm strength hand on his shoulder and raised his eyes. Tana stood right next to him and there was a warmth in his eyes that made the butterflies in his belly fly again. "If you want to talk, I'll be there." The student nodded slightly as all gloomy thoughts disappeared and only the touch of Tanahashi mattered. It felt so good and all he wanted that it never ends. But it happened. Tanahashi nodded and turned away to went back to his place in front of the class. "Sir…", Shota bit on his bottom lip and hesitated to talk. The elder turned to him and looked questioningly. The break was almost over, now or never. "I am… in love with you…" The words spluttered out of his mouth and in the end he was getting quieter. No matter what his teacher thought, he couldn't recognized it. Despair was drawn in Shotas eyes with every second passed. Shota started to regret having said anything. "Shota..", the bell interrupted Tanahashis sentence. Didn't take long and the others students entered the class. This was the first time Tana called him by his name. Little piece of hope grew up in Shotas stomach. "For the exam, you have two lessons available. If you have a question raises your hand and I come to you.", Tanahashi explained after everyone sat at their seat and then distributed the documents. Ren looked at him questioningly. "You look like you've seen a ghost. Everything alright? Did you speak with me again?", he asked quietly and sounds amused. Tanahashi came to their table. "Please postpone your talks to the break, Mr. Narita." the teacher reproved him and Shotas hope disappeared as Tana didn't look at him. Shota wished he just wouldn't have said anything to Tana. His his eyes were fixed on the paper and only with great difficulty did he suppress the tears. He bit his lips so strong that he tasted his own blood. Why had he said that?
Time passed and not once did Shota look up. He also doesn't wrote the test, that's not important no more. Time passed and the bell rings again. "Please submit your exams. Next week you will get the results. Have a nice lunch and Mr. Umino please stay a moment. I have to talk with you." Shota swallowed hard because he feared the worst. "Should I stay with you?", Ren had noticed Shota's reaction and something was wrong. Shota appreciated the gesture, but it was something that he had to stand alone. Maybe he could called his father so he picked Shota up. At home he would crawl into his bed and never get up again. "It's okey, Ren. I'll follow you soon. Keep me a seat in the canteen." His friend nodded and left the room. Shota stayed at his seat und watched like Tana closed the door. "Shota… what you said puts me in a difficult situation. I'm your teacher and significantly older. But I also know that you are a smart boy.", Shota listened every word he said and watched how Tanahashi gets closer. The beautiful man leaned back at the table in front of his young student and his eyes were on him. "And I think you know exactly what you said." Shota couldn't speak, all he wanted was to hear what Tana wanted to say and then he could leave. How could he think it would do anything? Shota just wanted to cry, but not in front of Tana. "I should actually report it to the Headmaster.", he muttered to himself. "But I think that would change nothing." "Sir... I'm sorry", Shota started softly without a view against Tana. He couldn't watch him, if he said the next words. "I.. I fell in love with you two years ago….and I knew the rules… but… next year I'll take my graduation and going to college..." Shota stopped and lowered his head. "I see. But tell me why did you say it now? That you made your graduate you don't know since today." The young boy took a deep breathe. "My friends asked me yesterday about my college selection." He still couldn't look at Tana. "Thats the reason why you stay awake last night." noticed the older man and Shota nodded again. "Yes" For a moment, they both fell silent. "Well… how did you imagine?" Shota lifted his head and looked at Tanas eyes. Did he really asked that? The older man's eyes were calm, without annoyance and Shota was overwhelmed for a moment. He had expected a different reaction. "I… I don't know", he blushed and stuttered and was looking for a quick answer. "I want to know more about you. What you like and dislike. Maybe we could…. I mean… maybe we'll go on a date?" Shota wasn't sure about his answer but Tana didn't look upset. He hadn't felt so uncertain for a long time. While he waited, he swallowed nervously and bit his lip again. Somehow he expected the answer from Tana, he risked his job and that he had no interest at him. That was logical. "I think that isn't a good idea. You're my student.You shouldn't want this. You should focus on your achievements and your youth.There's nothing more to say about that. Go out and take your lunch. See you next week again." Shota knew it. There was the answer he suspected. And it hurts. It hurts really bad in his chest. But he nodded. "I understood..", he pressed out this words and stand up. Tanahashi didn't look happy but he didn't say anything anymore. Shots leaves the room, rather he run away. His path took him to the toilets, where Shots locked himself in one of the cabins and just let the tears run.