Chapter Text
"Look at the sunflowers, mom! Aren't they beautiful?" The little boy tugs at his mom's sweater that earns a soft questioning look from her.
"Oh, Cheollie. They are. Do you want one?"
The idea of taking home one of those pretty flowers is so overwhelming for him. It's the first time that he saw it in real life and now he gets to have one? That's brilliant!
He nods with the cutest smile he can portray to let his mom know that he is indeed interested in her offer.
Everyone is in a hurry, moving in the fastest way possible. All nurses and paramedics are busy assisting a patient here and there. More and more patients are coming in and it can only mean one thing, he needs to do his job.
There's too much blood in every single patient being taken inside and he couldn't help but wonder what is the cause of this sudden swarm of patients in the hospital.
His questions are answered as a rushing Wendy approaches him, "Choi, we need an orthopaedic in the Operating Room. There's a road accident nearby and there are 25 cars and about 20 pedestrians involved."
That's a lot of people. This isn't any ordinary accident.
Seungcheol nods and makes his way towards the operating room.
He's about to take hold of one of the flowers when his mom swats his hands away.
"No, Cheollie. We are not picking any of those."
Confusion becomes evident on his face, if his mom wants him to have a flower, why would she stop him?
"But why?"
It was such a struggle to get to his destination but after a couple of dodges he did from people getting on his way, he's finally here.
"Dr. Choi, I don't think you should be here," That's what welcomes him as he enters the room.
"Wendy told me that an orthopaedic surgeon is needed here. Why not? Let's just hurry," He takes a short glimpse of the body laying on the table, "The patient's losing so much blood already."
"No, Dr. Choi, you can't be here."
"But why?"
"Those aren't yours. You should grow your own. Give me your hand."
A few seeds with black and white stripes lands on his hands as his mom smiles brightly at him.
"Once we get home, we're going to plant those and wait until they grow into beautiful flowers like these," She points at the field of bright yellow flowers in front of them.
For a small kid like Seungcheol, he's a bit different. Unlike most kids his age, he's patient and understanding. Whining won't take him anywhere and he have learned that long ago. He knows how things aren't always going to be how he wants them to be. And so, he understands why he shouldn't just take away some of the flowers. He understands why he should be the one to grow it on his own.
A smile as bright as the flowers beside him forms on his lips and he hugs his mom, "Thank you, mom! I loved your gift!"
Everything he gets is a gift for him. No matter how small or big it may be. It will always be a gift.
"Just please Dr. Choi, you may now leave. We already have two surgeons in here. And besides, there are also other patients waiting outside."
Seungcheol frowns and gets more curious as to why this nurse is so persistent in making him leave. Without any words spoken, he walks towards the patient while the nurse tries to tell him not to.
This can't be.
This ain't it.
Before he can even process what's going on, he's already being assisted towards the exit of the room by one of the heads of the hospital and Mingyu.
"I need to be there. I'm doing the surgery," He pulls away from Mingyu's hold of him but to no avail since the taller man pulls him again to his side.
"No, Cheol. That's prohibited. You can't do that. Just rest here. We'll take care of everything."
It just doesn't add up. Why is it even prohibited to operate on your own family? It's his goddamn mom inside that operating room. He can't just sit here and wait when he knows he can do something.
"Gyu, that's my mom! My mom! Do you hear me?!" At this point, he doesn't even care about the stares of the people around them. He can't just trust anyone with his mother's life.
"It'll be sensitive for you. You can't operate on her, Cheol," Mingyu tries to calm him down.
A thought suddenly passes through his mind. If his mother is in there, then where's his father and his brother? The last time he checked, they are all together and they even borrowed his pickup truck to go shopping.
He ran all the way to the other emergency rooms as Mingyu tries to catch up with him. His mind is in such a mess and all that matters right now is his family.
But it's too late. He's already too late.
"We're sorry, Cheol."
The first few tears that left his eyes were wiped away by the back of his hand. But as soon as he got closer to the bodies lying there lifelessly, tears started to flow again endlessly.
"No, this can't be! Tell me this isn't true! Are you all pranking on me? Well, get up now, dad! This isn't funny anymore!" He grips on the metal bar next to their bodies for support, he feels weak and any minute now, he might pass out and fall, "Dad, wake up! Is this a prank? It's not funny!"
He cries there, all the while Mingyu is there watching him as he breaks into million pieces. Turning to Mingyu, he asks him, "Gyu, is this true? Am I dreaming? Tell me this isn't true, wake them up, Gyu!"
His friend can only give him a tight embrace to comfort him as they both start to cry right then and there. All emotions that he feels right at that moment is draining him. But he can't lose hope. There's one more person that might stay with him.
Just as he was about to pull away from the hug, Mingyu speaks, "Cheol, I'm very sorry to say this but I just got the news."
Mingyu moves away to look at him straight in the eyes, "Your mom. S-She's d-dead. I'm so sorry, Cheol."
And with those words, his whole world crumbled. Everything tuned out and there's only silence he can hear. Everything went all black.
"Anything for you, my sweet Cheollie!"
Five?
Six?
Ten?
Twenty?
In all honesty, he doesn't even know how much beer he already had today. It's not like he needs to keep track of it, anyway. But the blurry vision and the dizziness he feels is so much for him to handle that it made him decide to end tonight's beer session.
It's been like this for three months. Eating when he wants to, sleeping all day and chugging down beer bottles like it's just water until he can no longer see clearly and his legs are already shaky. A daily routine he had, a bad excuse for a coping up mechanism. His mourning period isn't really just a period. Because it's a huge part of him that he lost. It'll forever be something that he'll miss.
All throughout that time, Mingyu keeps on checking up on him. He moved to Daegu after the incident and ever since, none of his friends have known where exactly he is. He didn't change his number, though for the sole reason of pitying the worried Mingyu left in Seoul.
Seungcheol didn't want any human interactions. He didn't want to go out. He didn't want to work. He has enough money to last him for a few years or less. Maybe he'd like it better it if it runs out faster.
For as long as he has enough food to eat, enough beer to drink and air to breathe, he's fine. Mingyu doesn't even need to worry about him. He's a grown man and he knows what to do and what not to do.
The thing is, no matter how strong depression pushes him off the edge, suicide will never be an option for him.
Sure, he's barely even holding on with his life. He doesn't even have a clue of what to do with his life anymore. But ending his life isn't just sounding right.
Aside from the fact that it's morally wrong, the thing is, he's scared of death.
Ever since he had wider knowledge of the world, his mind got into the business of asking unnecessary questions in his mind. Like, "Is there really an afterlife?", "If I die, would I just lose control of my body? And I'll forever see darkness and nothingness?" All these kind of questions built up his fears.
But no, he's pretty sure it isn't much like a phobia. More like, something he just doesn't want to face too soon in his life.
The cold air creeps onto his skin and his gaze averts to the moving curtains of his living room. Closing the window, he sighs.
What's more to life, Cheol?
Getting groceries is such a pain in the ass.
No, the process of picking up the things you need to buy isn't really annoying him. What's getting to his nerves is that he needs to go out. And getting out means human interaction. And human interaction means that he needs to put up a facade of him being alright. Because apparently, this world only wants positivity and nothing else, negativity be damned. Why address the issue, right? There's no harm in trying. But no, they only want happiness, it's what they see as normal.
And Seungcheol is not having any of that bullshit. Call him an overthinker but that's just the way it is.
But if he wants to have food and some basic stuff for his hygiene, he needs to do this. To be fair, this is the first time he went out to buy them in three whole months.
Entering the facility, he notices how no one even greeted him. Thanks to the ungodly hour that he chose, he thinks. Well, it's a 24/7 store after all. And he's a customer who gets to choose when he wants to buy his stuff.
First off, the cereal section. His feet always takes him in this part of the section first. A habit that he earned from his mother. His mother buys stuff according to the times when it's needed. And at the tops of the list is the breakfast, that's why cereal sections are always the priority place and everything follows through.
After a few couple of seconds of choosing between the common and the new chocolate cereal, he gives up and tosses both onto his cart. Trying both won't harm him.
As he was about to turn in the corner towards where the meat is, he sees a figure sitting on one of the display couches that has a huge sign that says: "Please don't sit or lie down on here. Thank you."
"People can't read now, huh?" He whispers that to himself but he must've said it louder than he thought because the figure turns to him and makes eye contact with him.
He raises an eyebrow when he sees the surprised face of the stranger. What's with him?
He just clicks his tongue and shakes his head as turns away, leaving the still-surprised stranger sitting on the display couch.
Alright, so another dilemma is what kind of meat to buy. But then again, how would he know which one he's better at cooking with if he won't ever try it all?
While he puts back the excess packs of meat on the designated places, he feels a figure standing behind him.
Out of instinct, he looks back and almost jumped out of shock when he sees the man from a while ago, standing there with amusement in his eyes.
This man can't be serious right now, he thinks.
"I'm sorry sir, but can you please move aside so I can go to my cart?"
The stranger won't even budge and if anything, the amusement in his eyes is now more clear when Seungcheol started speaking. Weird.
"I'm sorry but are you deaf?" Sounds rude but Seungcheol just really wants to finish this task at hand and go home and sleep. The big dark bags under his eyes needs to calm down.
The stranger points at himself and nods a bit, "Y-You can s-see me?"
What a dumb question.
"Why? Are you a ghost or something?"
A sarcastic grin flashes on his face and he swiftly moves away towards his cart. Again, he leaves the weird stranger behind without even looking back.
The worker at the cashier is a bit too fast and lively for his job at this hour that's why it only took Seungcheol five minutes in the counter. He even wondered how is that even possible.
Carrying all his bought groceries, he walks towards his parking spot quickly because the air is really too cold for him. And the wind. Oh god, the wind is so strong. Why is it so strong? Seungcheol tries to remember if he heard the forecast right that it's definitely going to be warm all day even in the night. It's summer, after all.
He puts his paper bags in the back seat of his car. His pickup truck was wrecked so bad in the accident and even if it wasn't, he wouldn't be able to drive it anymore. It just reminds him of everything.
While driving, he feels a heavy feeling again. Just like the one when someone's behind him. So he takes a glance on his rearview mirror to look what was it that bothers him.
A hard and strong step on the brakes of his car was made when he saw a very much familiar face smiling behind him. And he'd lie so bad if he'll say he wasn't scared right at the moment.
"How the fuck did you get in? If you're robbing me then I'm telling you now, I don't have my money with me."
He hears a series of laugh echo through his car coming from the stranger. What's so funny about robbing someone?
"I'm sorry, were you scared? I'm no theft, Seungcheol," The stranger laughs again and is clearly unbothered that he just broke into Seungcheol's car. Wow, the audacity.
"Hell yes, I was! And how in the fresh hell did you know my name? Are you stalking me?"
The stranger stops from laughing and just smiles. It's a creepy one. Well, at least for Seungcheol.
"Sorry. I just thought you won't take me with you if I ask you so I just took the opportunity while you were busy rummaging your stuff to get in your car," Sounds apologetic but Seungcheol isn't dumb to just accept it.
"Why would you get inside my car? I don't even know you! You know what? I'm taking you to the police."
The stranger wouldn't even budge at the statement.
"Geez. Are you an addict? Will you please just get out of my damn car."
Seungcheol opens the lock of the doors of his car and the stranger silently goes out.
He drives away again, and this time he looked at him while moving away.
"He's in the middle of the highway, wow a brave soul ind- What the-"
He was caught off guard. The stranger just got hit by a truck while waving at him. With wide eyes, he goes back to the spot where he left him. He's seriously not going to be able to contain the conscience if ever the man died.
Seungcheol quickly moves not minding the cold air seeping through his clothes and into his skin. To his surprise, there's nothing on the road.
He looked everywhere and again, none.
Did the truck took the body with it? Was it dragged?
He can't even imagine what it might look like.
His hands are already shaky and it doesn't help that the cold is making him even more trembling. Seungcheol moves to the side of the road.
Fishing his phone in his pocket, he quickly dials 911. While waiting for the other line to answer, he runs his hand through his hair. He's already on the verge of tears when he feels something poking his back.
"Hello? 911, what's your emergency?"
The words went inside one ear and went out the other. Seungcheol's mouth is hanging open while he stares at the stranger smiling brightly at him.
At that moment, he didn't know what else to do but hug the man.
But no, he wasn't able to do that. His body just passed through the man. He didn't understand. What did just happen?
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't expect you'd do that. Here, let's try again," With that, the stranger hugs him but he can't even find the strength to hug back.
He's just so confused.
Was he drugged?
What's with tonight?
He just wanted to buy the damn groceries. This is why he doesn't want to go out. And maybe he wouldn't be able to go out for weeks after this again. This night is just so wild.
The stranger releases him and smiles again. But it soon fades away when he sees Seungcheol's frozen expression.
"Oh, you still haven't realized what's with me?"
Seungcheol blinks rapidly and whispers, "You're a drug pusher... Did you drug me?"
The question earned a very much loud laugh but there's something more to it. The laugh didn't sound normal. And now that he's thinking about it, the voice of the stranger sounds like echoing as well. It's like they are in a dance studio and the laughs are echoing through the soundproof walls.
A hand is offered to him, "I'm Yoon Jeonghan and I've figured you're Choi Seungcheol based from your driver's license. I'm the same age as you and I'm dead."
The last few words sent chills to his spine. Did the stranger just told him he's dead?
"You've got to be kidding me. You drugged me! I'm suing you!"
He tries to pull the stranger's arm but he only passes through it. The stranger, Jeonghan, smiles at him and it's an amused smile.
"You really don't believe me, huh?"
"Why would I? You broke into my car, you got hit by a truck and yet here you are, you know my name and your laugh- oh goodness gracious what's with your laugh and your voice?!"
Silence. He wasn't answered and the only thing he can hear is his own heavy breathing after releasing all of his thoughts in one go. Instead, Jeonghan moved closer to him.
"And you know, the only explanation for all of those is that I'm not alive anymore."
Never did he imagine that he'll see and interact with a ghost. And in all honesty, he's freaking out on the inside right now. He doesn't want to deal with this. Not now, not ever.
"Hey, where are you going? Don't be scared, i won't hurt you. I'm harmless!"
Seungcheol goes inside his car with a mind full of chaotic thoughts. He drives fast but just enough to not hit the limit.
All throughout the trip, he can feel it. He can feel the feeling of having someone behind him. He knows Jeonghan is there but he wouldn't even risk to look at him. Jeonghan doesn't look scary, a very much far cry from how movies describe and show ghosts but just the thought of him being a ghost alone is enough to make Seungcheol be scared.
But he's a grown man. He shouldn't be one to be afraid of Jeonghan, actually. He figures maybe Jeonghan just wants some peace or something.
Eventually, he halts to a stop near the shore of the beach near his apartment. He looks back slowly and finds nothing. His idea to talk to him may be stupid but just like the lead actors in every typical horror movie, he goes for it. He thinks maybe he's going nuts... or just drugged.
"I know you're there, don't hide."
He might sound crazy right now but he doesn't even care.
Jeonghan suddenly appears on the shotgun seat, much to Seungcheol dismay.
"Don't do that! You're freaking me out! Don't you know how much faster my heart rate goes when you do that!"
Jeonghan looks down on his lap and says, "I'm sorry, won't do it again, I guarantee."
Small talk isn't much of a friend of Seungcheol. Initiating one is such a hard task for him. And clearly, he's not fond of the idea of starting something just for it to end eventually. What's the point? Maybe this is the reason why he's only got long-term friends. Anyway, it's a win-win for him.
But tonight, he guesses he needs to be an expertise in it. He sets all his fears aside. Besides, Jeonghan isn't that scary. Here goes nothing.
"So uh, you're actually a ghost?"
A slow nod.
"And I can see you... do you think I have a third-eye?"
It's like Jeonghan heard something new and just realized something. He replies with a soft voice, "I don't really know. You're the first one to see me."
Once again, racing thoughts came into his mind. Maybe he actually has some third eye? Maybe they are related? Or maybe...
"How did you die?" The words went out before he can even ponder about it.
But Jeonghan doesn't seem to be bothered by it, he in fact answered with a nonchalant tone, "I just did. You see, I can't remember anything that happened. I can't even remember half of my life before. I just know my name, my family and some distant memories. Nothing more."
Seungcheol needs more answers. That's not quite enough.
"What happened? How did you know you're dead?"
Jeonghan looks outside, into the sea and thinks deeply on how to word out what happened, "I was in the hospital. I just kind of appeared in the middle of the corridor next to the help desk. I have no idea what was happening that time. Nothing. Mind is blank. Until this nurse who's hurrying passes through me. And then another. And another. I couldn't believe it, I thought I was just dreaming. So I went to all the rooms in the hospital."
Seungcheol is focusing to each and every word that goes out of Jeonghan's mouth. Sure, they're strangers still but there's really something about his voice that relaxes Seungcheol. Like a storm finally being at peace. And of course, he also wants to know how it went down for Jeonghan.
"And in one of the rooms, room C17, I saw familiar faces crying and gathering around me, my body. I knew that time that I still wasn't dead so I just waited. I went out and there's really something about the grocery store that pulls me inside. It's even more cold inside so I figured I'd wander around."
He hears a soft sniff coming from Jeonghan but didn't make any comment about it.
"And when I came back to the hospital the next day, my body's not there anymore. No more familiar faces. No more traces of my life. And I don't really know where I came from and where to go so the grocery store became my home."
Seungcheol waits for a while. He's taking in everything carefully. It's a sensitive topic and he wouldn't want to add more pain to the poor boy. After all, he's already dead. The least that Seungcheol could do as the only one able to see him is to console him.
"How long has it been?" Seungcheol's voice is so soft that it made the other look into him.
Jeonghan counts inside his head before answering, "A month already. A whole month of misery and loneliness."
He feels sad for Jeonghan. Even he, himself, would be so upset if this is a thing that would happen to him. Dying without anything to know about your life? That's just nonsense. It's completely awful. He's sorry for Jeonghan. He may not know him but he knows that the boy didn't deserve that. Nobody deserves that.
Seungcheol knows he isn't supposed to say this and yet he blurts it out, "You can stay with me."
The face that the other man made is somewhere along shock and utter disbelief.
He figured maybe an explanation would smoothen the creases on Jeonghan's forehead.
"I mean, as the only one who can see you maybe I could help? I'm-I'm alone as well as of the moment. And I really don't have anything to do."
Jeonghan smiles at him, "Now I understand why you're the only persin who can see me..."
Seungcheol raises both his eyebrows, urging for Jeonghan to continue.
"You're nice. You're a good person, I see."
He scoffs at the compliment, "It's only been an hour and you talk like you already know me."
"You know, sometimes it only takes a few words to know someone. And sometimes, the longer you are with them, the less you know about them."
"A poetic ghost, I see."
They both shared laughs after that. As if they're just two normal guys hanging out beside the sea and not a man and a ghost who just knew each other that day.
"I actually thought you drugged me back there."
"Do I look like a druggie to you?" Jeonghan's frowning already.
He can't help but laugh at the question, "No. I was just so confused. And hey, to my defense that's extremely not normal."
Going back to the events of the night, he wonders how he survived such a wild night. It's feels like he just finished a whole surgery at the hospital. That's the most amount of adrenaline he have felt in months.
"May I ask some questions?"
"About what?" Jeonghan is now comfortably sitting on his seat as he looks at Seungcheol with a questioning look. And it's a familiar look. But how? It's the first time he's seen him, right?
"Your whole experience at this," Seungcheol is a grown man, yes. But his inner childish antics wants to know how it feels to be a ghost. How it's actually like.
A yawn.
"Tomorrow, maybe? I want to sleep, Seungcheol."
Ghosts sleep? What in the world?
Seungcheol tilts his head in curiousity before asking, "You sleep? Really?"
Jeonghan just shrugs and answers, "Uh, yes. I get tired too, mister. You can just leave me here in the car, alright?"
He shakes his head and starts the engine of his car. Driving his way back home, he's once again filled with so many questions and thoughts. But maybe tonight's not the right time for that. Jeonghan really looks tired or maybe because that's just how ghosts look like. Tired of this shitty world they used to be in and they'll be stuck in forever.
They reach his apartment building and Jeonghan suddenly moves. And then a thought goes through Seungcheol's mind. He lets it out before he could even forget about it.
"What if tomorrow, when I wake up, I won't be able to see you anymore? Will you be alright?"
"Thanks for the concern but, we'll see. Now, go to sleep. I can already see the sun."
Yes, sleep is all that he needs right now. Maybe he's just hallucinating the whole night. And he's still taking in consideration the fact that he may be just drugged, just in case.
But everything felt real. It felt surreal, even.
And if it's actually true, then he's willing to help. He's willing to do what he said. Because Seungcheol is a man of his words.