Chapter Text
“I’m sorry, Ryou,” were the first words that Kuramochi said to his best friend after they lost to Inashiro. “We weren’t strong enough to bring you to nationals.” He was bowing and his face was stricken with tears, which started falling again when he was alone with Ryou. It was his responsibility to bring Ryousuke to nationals and to let him play once again.
Ryousuke was in his third year, it was their last chance to go to nationals together because starting next week Ryou will no longer be on the team.
Kuramochi swallowed hard looking at Ryou’s ankle – now bandaged – and felt guilty. Guilty, that he let Ryousuke play with an injury even though it could have made his condition worse. He knew Ryou more than anyone else didn’t want to come off the field like that. At least he got to play in his last game at Seido but not till the end, not as he should have.
“You don’t have to be sorry. We did all we could,” Ryousuke replied, but his face was dejected like other players’, although few people besides Kuramochi would have noticed. “Now you have to concentrate on your training and avenge us during next tournament,” Ryou added, giving Kuramochi light punch on the arm to lighten his mood.
“I promise you, we’ll get to nationals,” Kuramochi said firmly, looking at Ryou with resolve.
“Good. Now pull yourself together. We should probably go and cheer on first years, and you can’t show yourself to them in this state,” Ryousuke added with a smirk.
It hurt Kuramochi that he had to be the one consoled. He knew how much Ryou-san cared, he wanted to play with him longer.
He nodded and whipped the tears off his face.
“Yeah, we should go.”
It rained the whole next day. The weather mirrored perfectly everyone’s mood. People at the dorms were unusually quiet, even the training grounds were silent though there were people there.
The rain didn’t stop the day after.
The sky was dark and the rain was constantly falling, but luckily it was only a drizzle. At least this day.
The third day after the match the sky was heavy and Kuramochi could feel the incoming storm.
Third years will have to move out of the dorms by the end of the week.
The wind outside got stronger and the rhythmic thumping of raindrops turned into a constant hum when the rain got stronger. The wind was hauling making the door and the window make a clattering noise, which reminded Kuramochi of the horror movies.
He just laid in his bed, staring at the ceiling without anything better to do. He couldn’t concentrate, not after constantly seeing everybody’s faces after they lost the game in his dreams. The image was haunting him. He saw million possibilities, ways in which he could have changed this game.
It was his curse.
He couldn’t stop thinking that maybe if he tried even harder the outcome could’ve been different. There were so many situations, so many things he would’ve improved, but he couldn’t. It was over now. The only thing left was to get to nationals next time. He would have given a lot to play with the third years once again, especially with Ryou. Ryousuke was the best playing partner he could’ve imagined and he wanted to play with him more to see how far they could get together.
Now he was being left alone and their long awaited dream disappeared. It was unnerving.
He was alone in the room. Sawamura rarely showed up here since the match. He either trained or was watching the recording from the faithful day. Masuko went to eat but Kuramochi wasn’t hungry, he just wanted to rest and get his head around the thought that starting next week the team will be different.
Kuramochi heard the knocking and pulled himself to his elbows to look at the door. It was pouring outside, nobody in their right mind would come here in this weather. He climbed down the ladder and went to open up when he heard a second knock.
He opened the door and, to his surprise, Ryousuke was standing outside - his clothes drenched. The water was falling from his wet hair.
“Ryou? What are you doing here?” he asked. The wind that hit him chilled him to the bones – it was pretty cold considering this time of the year.
“Can I come in?” Ryou asked, and Kuramochi immediately stood aside, making place for Ryou-san to get inside.
Ryousuke was wearing only their school uniform and so his white shirt, now soaked, was see-through and sticking to his body.
“I’ll bring you a towel, wait a bit.” He quickly rummaged through his things and then handed a towel to Ryousuke who started drying his hair.
“Why did you come in such a bad weather?” Kuramochi asked, seeing the puddle of water on the floor, which was slowly growing. Ryou put the towel down, looking at Kuramochi with calm expression. His hair looked funny, the front was stuck to his face and the rest was dishevelled. Normally he would have probably laughed but he didn’t feel like laughing these days.
“I didn't want to have any more regrets,” Ryousuke answered truthfully.
He raised his brows questioningly.
“What regrets?” he asked, watching Ryou’s face for any clues.
“You know, I regret not being able to go with this team to nationals,” Ryousuke started, and Kuramochi clenched his hand, being reminded of the reality. He swallowed and nodded. “But I want it to be my only regret.” Ryousuke fell silent for a moment but Kuramochi didn’t say anything. He was going to let Ryou say whatever was bothering him, that’s what friends were for, right?
“I don’t want you to turn into my regret.”
“Me?” Kuramochi asked, surprise evident in his voice. Why would he of all people be Ryou’s regret? It didn’t make any sense.
“Yeah, you are my friend and the best partner I could have ever dreamt of. Don’t let it get to your head though,” Ryousuke joked, and Kuramochi smiled. Ryou-san was one of a few people who could make him smile when he was feeling down.
“I realised that if I didn’t tell you I would’ve regretted it till the end of my life,” he continued, and Kuramochi listened with curiosity and confusion - he had no idea what Ryou was going on about. The whole situation was really strange if he had to be honest. Ryousuke wasn’t the kind of person to make dramatic entrances without a very serious reason.
“I’ve feelings for you,” Ryou said. “To be more precise, I think I‘ve fallen in love with you quite some time ago.” Kuramochi just stared at Ryousuke, trying to process his words. “Would you go out with me?” Ryou added, with his usual smile.
Kuramochi might have blushed, he wasn’t sure, his mind went blank for a moment.
“I’ve always wanted to tell you this so now you have it. No more regrets on my side.”
It was visible that Ryousuke was waiting for Kuramochi’s reply. He swallowed.
“Listen, Ryou,” he started, and cursed himself for sounding so cliché. Every bad news started with those words and that was just pathetic. “I don’t really know what to say.”
“Wow, that’s a first,” Ryou answered jokingly.
Kuramochi knew Ryousuke was trying to look as if it wasn’t a serious matter, but after knowing him for such a long time he knew it was just a bluff. Right now he was trying to hide the fact that he cared and was waiting impatiently at Kuramochi’s reply. Ryou was serious about the confession, no doubt about it.
The storm got stronger and it was getting darker outside with every passing minute. Kuramochi felt chill going through his body.
Was it always so cold inside?
“Ryou,” Kuramochi said, his voice stern. “I know you are serious so stop joking about it.”
Ryousuke’s smile fell and his expression turned into neutral one, making it hard for Kuramochi to read his emotions. It was unusual to see Ryousuke shutting himself from Kuramochi. It made him a little sad.
“It’s just so sudden,” he continued, ruffling his hair distractedly.
How was he to know whether he wanted to date Ryou or was in love with him when he never stopped to think about it properly? They were always close but did he feel any kind of attraction towards him?
“I know, that’s why you don’t have to give me your answer today, I can wait,” Ryousuke responded, rubbing off a raindrop on his cheek with a towel.
“Sorry, yes, I will have to think about it,” Kuramochi replied, and hesitated for a moment but then added: “But, well, I don’t think I feel opposed to the idea of going out, I think,” he said, because it was the truth. He couldn’t find a reason not to date Ryou. They were really close and enjoyed each other’s company and he was sure that even if it didn’t turn out right, they would certainly stay friends. And it’s not like he didn’t feel anything towards Ryou it could just be that he didn’t realise the feelings he had for him were the feelings of love.
You don’t usually think about your best friend as a potential lover, so you never wonder whether the closeness and trust you share is something more. It was true especially in their case where they had to have a total trust in each other as partners on the field.
“But yeah, I’ve to wrap my head around this. I won’t jump into a relationship with half-assed feelings. It would be unfair towards you.”
Ryousuke nodded.
“It’s better than nothing,” he said. “Now I’ll just have to work hard to make you fall in love with me.”
Kuramochi gaped and burst into laughter. He expected nothing less from his friend.
“May I kiss you?” Ryousuke said suddenly, and Kuramochi’s laughter abruptly stopped and he felt his face getting hot.
“You’re quite pushy aren’t you?” he spoke after a moment, and smiled broadly.
“’course I am. You should know this best,” Ryousuke added, his lips curling into a smile. “Treat it as a consolation fee.”
“For what?” Kuramochi asked, laughing.
“I don’t know,” Ryousuke started, pretending to be thinking hard about it. “I’m leaving the team, I could use some good consolation right now.” Ryou’s words totally didn’t match the smug look on his face.
Kuramochi didn’t say anything more just laughed and then gulped and nodded lightly. He was a little nervous but he was also curious.
It felt kind of awkward seeing Ryou getting closer when Kuramochi knew what he was about to do.
Ryousuke cupped his face in his hands and pulled Kuramochi lower so he could reach him. His lips were a bit cold, probably because of the weather outside. He caught the scent of rain and wind coming from Ryou, and also something sweet he couldn’t really describe.
Ryou’s kiss was chaste and tender, and it made Kuramochi go warm inside. He didn’t feel repulsed or wrong, he just felt warm.
“Do things always go your way?” Kuramochi asked, when Ryou pulled away and took his hands back. It was funny how, for a split second, he missed the warmth of Ryou’s hands.
“Most of the time, yes,” Ryousuke answered, with a mischievous smile.
“Yeah, thought so. I’ll borrow you some clothes, you must be cold,” Kuramochi added, eyeing Ryousuke’s wet clothes and wondering how was he not shivering yet when the temperature dropped so quickly.
“It would be nice to get out of these, yes,” Ryou agreed, pulling at his shirt.
Kuramochi rummaged through his things and found a clean pair of trousers and a t-shirt. He turned and stopped in his tracks when he noticed Ryousuke was in the middle of taking his shirt off. It wasn’t like he never saw Ryou naked, they always had to change after practice so Kuramochi has seen him almost naked every day, but he never really looked at him.
Ryou was nicely built, considering how much they trained it was nothing surprising really. His skin was pale and Ryousuke slowly dried it with a towel, which he earlier threw at one of the chairs when he was coming for the kiss. It was a pleasant view.
Kuramochi scowled at himself in his mind and walked up to Ryou handing him his clothes, not really knowing where to look. He was definitely too self-conscious right now, and that’s why it felt so weird to think about such things.
“You-chan,” he heard Ryousuke’s voice, and snapped to attention. “You can look all you want, I don’t really mind” Ryou said, sending a smile Kuramochi’s way. Kuramochi was dead sure his cheeks were bright red but he cheekily answered: “I know,” before turning with a plan of making them something hot to drink.
He found the last box of green tea and wrote a note on a piece of paper to buy some more tomorrow. They took breaks for tea during studying in their room much too often but hey, every way to escape studying was good, especially when the subjects were boring.
The world outside was illuminated by the flash of lightning and after a few seconds Kuramochi heard a thunder. The storm outside was gaining on strength.
His hands were shaking a little when he was pouring the tea.
“You know, you don’t have to be so nervous. It’s not like I’m going to jump you,” Ryousuke said, somewhere from behind Kuramochi. “Or maybe you are too eager to touch and that’s why your hands are shaking. I didn’t know you would be so impatient.”
“RYOU,” Kuramochi almost shouted, blushing hard and turning to Ryousuke who was smiling innocently.
“Just joking. Come on, it’s not like anything’s changed. Don’t think too hard about these things, it’ll only make you confused.”
He had a suspicion that from now on he’ll have to get used to this new form of teasing or rather flirting. It was hard to wrap his head around the idea that Ryou actually loved him. He didn’t even know Ryousuke was gay to begin with. Or was he bi?
Kuramochi nodded, and after a moment he asked: “Were you confused? You know, when you… um… realised your feelings for me.”
It felt a bit strange to ask Ryou about such things considering they concerned him.
Wait, did the fact that he didn’t have anything against a guy kissing him meant he was bisexual too?
“Maybe a little,” Ryousuke said, raking fingers through his hair in order to tame them but failing miserably. “With oncoming plays I didn’t really had the time for distractions, so I had to settle things quickly. Once I was sure what I felt it got easier.”
Kuramochi nodded.
“Um, ok. Then since how long were you in love with me?”
He tried to remember any situations or conversations which would give away Ryou’s feelings but there were none. Maybe he wasn’t paying enough attention? He felt so ashamed that he didn’t realise anything while being Ryou’s best friend.
Ryousuke smiled mysteriously.
“Long enough.”
“Oh, come on. Don’t just drop the news and leave me hanging,” Kuramochi scowled. He knew he wasn’t anything special yet Ryou fell in love with him of all people, of course he would be curious about the details.
“One revelation for today is enough. We have time, you can ask me later.” Kuramochi wasn’t satisfied but knew Ryousuke was right. He should probably calm down now and think about everything that was said later on.
“Now I want to get under a blanket because it’s still freezing here.”
Without a word Ryousuke climbed Kuramochi’s bed while he went for the tea. The cups were really hot so he passed them to Ryou carefully and only then joined him on the bed.
Kuramochi grabbed his laptop and put it on the bed in front of them, then threw a blanket around them and took one of the cups from Ryou.
They always ended up like that, wrapped up in a blanket watching some movies when they wanted to sit comfortably or needed a little privacy. Sawamura and Masuko knew perfectly well that when Ryou came by and he settled with Kuramochi in his bed they better be quiet. Usually they left the room, it was like an unspoken rule. Each of them had some way of giving a sign he wanted the room for himself and the rest had to abide. When you lived with two other guys in one room you needed your privacy from time to time.
Ryousuke moved closer to Kuramochi startling him when they arms touched. Ryou’s skin was a bit cold just as he said, and still a little wet. He played some movie and they watched, exchanging comments from time to time.
Kuramochi felt the warmth of the cup in his hands but nothing compared to the heat that he felt inside. The place where Ryou touched him burned and it was a completely new sensation.
The storm outside was hauling and thunders were more intense than before. The centre of the storm was probably near the dorms. But he couldn’t hear the roar of the thunder nor the sound of the rain, the only thing he heard was a sound of his beating heart that was louder and quicker than usually.
He took a sip of his tea, trying to calm himself down, but then he felt Ryou’s eyes on him and when he glanced his way, Ryousuke had this little smile on his face that looked as if he knew what Kuramochi was thinking about.
Kuramochi turned back to the laptop and glued his eyes to the screen. Ryou didn’t say anything, so did Kuramochi. They just sat there as always, watching TV shows side by side, their arms touching.
Kuramochi took another sip of the tea not really feeling any taste anymore.
He had a suspicion that he was probably slowly falling in love.