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For all the times this had happened before, dying still felt new, and weird. This time was going to be different, though. This time, Dean was already gone.
Not by long. Dean’s body was still warm on the pyre next to Sam. Castiel had protested this aspect of Sam’s plan. “I’m more than strong enough to carry you from your bed to the pyre, wherever you build it. Why not let yourself be comfortable while you wait?”
“Dying’s not comfortable, Cas,” Sam whispered, voice rasping through the thickness in his throat. “You’ve yelled at me how many times for never thinking of myself, focusing on making things easier for everyone else even over my own needs? Why are you surprised that I’m choosing to go out that way?”
Castiel huffed a soft laugh. “I shouldn’t be, I suppose. Sam, if there is ever a time for you to be selfish, then this is it. You are dying.”
“Last chance to make an impression on Heaven and convince them I deserve to be let in, right?”
“Sam…”
“I know, I know, I’m heading there and if Dean’s not there waiting for me it’s because he convinced his Reaper to stick around a few hours and wait for me to come along, I don’t need to impress anyone or convince anyone that I belong in Heaven. I know all that. And yet…”
Castiel brushed Sam’s hair back. “You wouldn’t be you if you didn’t think of it like that. I love you, Sam. How can I help you?”
“Can you keep holding my hand, please? I’m not afraid to die, but I don’t want to be separated from you and Dean any more than necessary. I can’t believe he gave me this much time.” Sam looked over at his brother’s corpse, which he and Castiel had carefully placed on the pyre beside Sam. “How much time do I have, anyway?”
“That will depend, but not more than a few hours,” Castiel promised. He laced his fingers through Sam’s. “If you can shut down your instinct to fight, it will be quicker. There’s no reason to fight this. Dean is waiting for you, I’ll be up as soon as I make sure your bodies are properly burned, Jack’s already up there making sure your Heaven is working properly and connected to Ash’s Roadhouse, and the time has passed for the world to rely on you to save it.”
Sam closed his eyes briefly, letting it sink in that, this time, he was well and truly done. No one would bring him back – not Dean in his codependent need for Sam, not Heaven or Hell or anyone in between to use him in yet another power play. He and Dean hadn’t made it to the rocking chairs together, but this was good enough for Sam.
Of all the ways Sam had gone out, he had to say, this was his favorite. He’d been shot, struck by lightning, ripped apart by vampires… who would have predicted that the one that would finally take would be mistranslating an ancient label on a jar? Instead of being greeted with thousands-of-years-old alcohol, he and Dean had been greeted by a nasty gas that had poisoned them both.
Castiel came immediately, but Dean had stopped him from healing them right off. “Hey, wait up, let’s think about this.”
“You’re dying. What’s to think about?” Castiel said.
Dean looked at Sam. “You and me, man, we’ve given everything for this world time and again. Naomi’s said we’re welcome in Heaven, Billie will find a way to lock us in, Cas and Jack can be up there with us as easily as they can be down here with us. The two of us, going out together quietly… I think maybe this is our time. We should take it.”
Castiel closed his eyes, but he opened them to look over to Sam. “Are you in agreement?”
Sam hugged Castiel, holding his angel close to him. “He’s right, Cas. We have to die eventually; this way, we go together, nobody left behind. How long do we have, if you leave us to die?”
Castiel closed his eyes and let his head rest against Sam’s shoulder. “You’ll see tomorrow morning, but not tomorrow night. I’m sorry I can’t be more precise than that.”
“That gives us tonight to arrange what needs arranging – you’ll burn our bodies? I’ve got a message recorded for Claire, letting her know where to find the Bunker and everything else we have to pass on to her and her family. I’ll make sure that gets sent.”
Dean had worked through the night, building a double pyre for himself and Sam, and managed to finish before collapsing beside it. There were a few convulsions, and then he was done. Sam found his body when he went out to offer Dean a last cup of coffee.
It was nearly noon, now, and Sam felt tired. He squeezed Castiel’s hand. “Not much longer. Thank you for staying with me through this.”
“Of course, Sam.” Castiel bent over to kiss Sam one last time on Earth. “Are you in pain at all? I can take that from you. Make it easier.”
“I’m not in pain. As deaths go, this one’s comfortable. I’m just weak, and tired, and I love you.” Sam’s eyes closed. He was done.
It wasn’t immediate when Billie showed up for him. “Thank goodness. I’m glad you’re here. Now Dean will shut up and get on with it. Won’t you, Dean?”
“Yep. Just waiting for Sammy.” Dean reached for Sam’s hand. “Come on. Let’s go to Heaven.”