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Raphael needed to talk to someone. Now. Something had been bugging him for weeks, something that was wrong with him. He had a very small list of people he could talk to. His clan would laugh, and most likely tease him for the following decade. That ultimately left him with one choice, and logically the best one.
He decided to go over what he was going to say to Magnus when he arrived at his loft. He could be there in a matter of seconds, thankyou vampire speed, but he decided the walk would be a good way to clear his head, and prepare himself.
Really, he should have no reason to doubt Magnus would be supportive. He knew he was bisexual, he also knew Magnus was like a dad to him, the one who made sure he fed, the one who understood how hard it was too watch his family slowly age from a distance, the one who treated him with such kindness and respect. He knew Magnus would be kind about this. That didn't stop his mind running with all kinds of possible situations. What if this is something Magnus found weird. What if he thought he wasn't a man, or he was...
Stop. He told himself. He didn't know what was wrong with him but he was sure Magnus would know what to do. He felt an odd sense of fear as he knocked on Magnus' door. Why am i so scared? He asked himself. Thankfully, his mind told him, rejection, anger, disgust, loosing a father figure, loosing a good friend, Magnus telling everyone, Magnus...
"Raphael?" Magnus asked again.
Raphael lifted his head, only just realising Magnus had already opened the door, and was looking at him expectantly.
"Can I... Uh.. come in for a minute... I need to talk to you... Please.. if you not busy I mean. You are... Probably are busy it's ok... I'll get... Go! I'll go. Ok" Raphael stuttered out, and that's what caught Magnus attention. For the many years he knew him, he had never stuttered, or tripped over his words.
"Nonsense, my fanged friend, come right in." Magnus said, stepping aside to grant Raphael entry, gesturing elaborately with his hands in true high warlock fashion.
"I... Yea thanks." Raphael said dumbly as he walking into the large open space and flopped down on the couch. A click of fingers and a faint wooshing sound made him look up again, when did he drop his head?, and see Magnus handing him a small glass with a little bit of plasma in it. Magnus must have seen the slightly questioning look on his face as, whilst dramatically falling on the couch next to him, he said "Seems like one of those problems."
Raphael placed the glass down, knowing he wouldn't be able to hold his tongue if he drank all of it at once, and he certainly didn't want to just blurt out about his sex life, or the absence of.
"So, what can I do for you?" Magnus asked smoothly, sipping his cocktail slowly.
"I... Think there's..." Raphael tried, but found his words were failing him. He wanted to tell Magnus everything. About how everyone seemed interested in things he tried to find appealing but just couldn't. About how he wanted so desperately to want things, but just couldn't. It made him so angry, not knowing what was wrong with him and why he had no interest in sex, and was to some extent repulsed at the idea. He should feel something. What the hell was wrong with him? This wasn't normal!
Magnus was concerned when Raphael's voice trailed off and he got lost in his own thoughts, his brows furrowed and lips pressed together in a thin lines. The emotions he was feeling could easily be seen in his dark eyes, and when self-loathing flashed Magnus decided to say something. Whatever it was, he didn't want his dear vampire worried.
"It's ok, Raphael. Whatever it is you can tell me." Magnus said, making sure his voice came across comforting and not mocking, it was rare that Raphael came to him with any personal problems, especially ones that seemed this big, the last thing he wanted was Raphael thinking he would mock an issue of his.
"I don't... I... I don't bloody know!" He screamed. And with that the flood gates just opened. He stood up and started pacing infront of the couch, telling Magnus everything. How everyone would talk about what they liked and how they liked it and who they liked it with and how Raphael would just sit there feeling nothing. He knew he should have felt lust at some point for someone, but as he aged he was yet to feel anything, for anyone, men, women, warlocks, vampires, anyone. He tried to do anything to spark an interest in sex, his search history would probably make a lathario like Magnus blush. He told Magnus everything. When he was finished he looked over at Magnus, then the clock. He did have a clan to be watching, after all. When he saw how much time had passed he almost went paler. 45 minutes. He had been rambling about how he wanted to be interested in sex and have his body respond when someone touched him or whispered in his ear. Oh god! I just detailed about all things relating to mine and my vampires sex lives to Magnus! The one who practically saved him. Shit.
"Magnus... I am so sorry I didn't mean to just say all of that and I get that you're probably weirded out or angry or..." Before he could continue Magnus stood up and walked over to him. Raphael had never been a fan of being in close proximity to people, but he was never scared of what might happen when someone was standing a feet from him. He started to back away and flee. Magnus us wasn't having that.
"Raphael stop." Magnus said, a little high warlock authority slipping into his voice. He intended for the slightly harsher words to stop Raphael backing away, but all he succeeded in was making him tense up and start rambling again, a mix of "sorry Magnus" and " forget it".
Magnus sighed audibly and grabbed hold of Raphael's shoulders, forcing him to look him in the eye's. Despite the empathy roaring in his chest he did everything he could to make sure his voice Saturday firm.
"There is nothing wrong with you Raphael. Nothing you hear me. There is nothing wrong with not wanted to have sex. I know you hate label's and every stereotype that comes with them but I think your asexual."
"What?" Raphael asked dumbly. He didn't think Magnus would be this calm about it. Some deranged part of his mind thought he'd have spells and potions and cures to endure. Magnus made his way back to the couch and Raphael followed suit. Once they were both seated, and after Raphael made no attempt to say anything, he decided to elaborate with his idea, making sure Raphael knew this was all ok.
"You are aware of the LGBTQ+ community, right? Lesbian, gay, bisexual, my sexuality, transgender, and so on. That plus includes alot of things, polysexual, pansexual, transexual, there's loads. One of these is asexual, which, hold the freak out, is what I think your sexuality is." Magnus gave Raphael a moment to digest all this. He knew coming to terms with ones sexuality could be a hard thing, and he wanted to make sure Raphael was comfortable before he continued. The last thing he wanted was to scare his dear friend with too much information and scare him back into the closest.
He reached out and placed a comforting hand on Raphael's arm.
"Are you ok for me to carry on?" Magnus asked calmly, and, after receiving a nod from a more relaxed Raphael, continued.
"Ignoring romantic interests and focusing on sexual interests, to the best of my, let's admit, amazing knowledge..."
Raphael smirked a little at the joke, which made Magnus incredibly proud.
"There are two types of asexuality, I'll describe them both and you can tell me which one you think you identify with ok? And if you don't know that's ok too. It's ok not to know everything, and just admitting your not straight is a huge feet so well done."
Raphael snickered self-deprecatingly. Magnus just wasn't having that.
" I'm serious ok. I am so proud of you." Magnus said sincerely. Raphael gulped and turned his head, but Magnus noticed the wetness of his eyes, and decided not to push it, for which Raphael was glad. After an hour of Magnus discussing flexible and repulsed asexuals, reassuring Raphael the whole time that it wasn't uncommon and wasn't anything to be ashamed of, Raphael finally looked up at Magnus, and said, " Magnus, I'm pretty sure I'm a repulsed asexual."
Magnus shot up to his feet with a clap and a huge grin, and he couldn't help it, Raphael grinned back.
"Welcome, to the LGBTQ+ community" he said with a bow. Magic poured from his hand as he changed both there tops. The noise of suprise from Raphael quietened as he read his top. There was a pirate in the middle with the words
"asexual pirate: not interested in your booty." Laughter bubbled from both of them as Raphael groaned and said
"Pirates are not really my thing" Another snap of his fingers and his top changed to one that read " my sexual preferance is not you" in the ace pride flag colours. After another round of laughter, Raphael pulled Magnus into a hug, shocking him.
"Thankyou Magnus. I mean it, Thankyou"
7 years later
Raphael felt pride rushing through him as he, Magnus and their friends marched down the street with flags painted on their cheeks and t-shirts advising equality. He looked over at his girlfriend, Izzy, who had a 'straight but no hate' top on. He found out he did have a romantic attachment to women, just no sexual interest in them. He looked over to Magnus, who had died purple, pink and blue stripes in his hair, walking hand in hand with his boyfriend, Alec, who had a rainbow painted on his cheek.
He was so happy he spoke to Magnus all those years ago, so much that he was wearing one of the tops Magnus had conjured up.
Later in the evening, he pulled Magnus aside. Alec and Izzy had gone to get food and drinks, whilst they were sent to find a park bench to sit on, so he thought this was the best time to say what he wanted to.
"Magnus?" He said, drawing his attention.
"Yes?"
"Thankyou "