Chapter Text
Day 1
3:39 am
Lance couldn't breathe.
His throat was raw with pain, the air only barely getting to his lungs which screamed and begged for air as he retched into his toilet, the porcelain cold on his hot and sweating skin as he gripped desperately, digging his nails in so hard he feared his nails would crack under the pressure. Though that was the least of his worries. Tears were squeezed from his eyes, the pain in his chest and throat causing him to grimace at every moment, his eyelashes wet as stray tears fell down his dark skin.
He had done this to himself. He knew that. He'd made himself so stressed with his own thoughts that he'd became ill. The uneasy feeling had been growing in his stomach for weeks, a nervousness, anticipation for something that wouldn't happen. The one thing that kept crossing his mind, pacing back and forth like a hungry tiger, creating footprints on his brain:
Keith.
When he'd gotten this love for the boy, he did not know. He only knew that his love had been growing far too fast for his liking, and his mind couldn't keep up with his heart. In the past week he'd found himself thinking Keith so much it was implausible. He'd thought about his stupid mullet and how it made him look hot, somehow. He'd thought about his incredibly bad fashion sense and how he strangely made it look good. He'd thought about Keith's eyes and how they sparkled in the light when he laughed. Truly laughed. Lance had noticed little things about Keith, and these observations only seemed to make his heart swell more with love for the boy. This is when the uneasiness had started.
It was weird for Lance, to like a boy so undeniably. He wasn't completely gay, he liked girls too, like Allura, but compared to this feeling Lance felt now, his crush on Allura was nothing more than that, a crush. He almost found that funny, the fact that he was bisexual. He couldn't even choose between gay and straight, he could never make definitive decisions, couldn't do anything without confirmation from others, he depended on people too much. He hated this about himself. He had always needed other people to lean on, but they never needed him in the same way. He was replaceable, even in Voltron. They didn't really need him.
Yet, he wanted Keith to need him. Needed Keith to want him.
But he never would.
Keith had never relied on anyone else, the opposite to Lance, completely independent. This is why Lance's thoughts had started scaring him, he was so hopelessly in love with Keith now that, the mere idea that his love would be unrequited scared him incredulously. The weight of that one thought had hit him like a brick, knocking the wind from his lungs and leaving him gasping for air, a crumpled pile of anxiety on his bed. Since then, his mind had not let him rest, depriving him of sleep and leaving him paranoid about what would happen if Keith found out... He would be angry, Lance had convinced himself of this, he believed that he would be laughed at, rejected and tossed to the side without a second thought. He wouldn't let Keith know.
His feelings had remained, even with the attempts at forgetting, drowning them out and even flat out ignoring them. They wouldn't leave him alone. Always there, in the back of his head a photo of Keith was forever burned, and when he dared to let himself think of Keith, the images would burn bright with emotions, letting his heart swell with the idea of the boy before crushing him completely at the realisation that Keith would never return these feelings.
Lance coughed and choked, bile rising in his throat, pain searing in his chest, the heat burning through his entire body making him feel weak, making him tremble and shake even though he felt his skin was on fire. That's when he felt it in his throat, he had violently choked it up along with drops of blood and it had lied in the water of the toilet, staring up at him with such a fear striking aura.
A single petal. Blue, although covered in the bright red of his blood. So obviously blue.
Lance stared at it for a long time, no longer feeling the need to throw up, though the uneasiness was still there. The blood could have been no more than a tablespoon, he dismissed it as just due to the amount of coughing and choking he'd done, thinking it must have just made his throat so raw it bled. The petal though... He stared for so long, confusion spread across his features, through his staring he concluded that, it was indeed a real petal, not fake, from a real plant. How had it gotten in his system?
He pushed his body up slowly from the ground, still weak and shaking from his bodies rejection, shutting the lid of the toilet and pushing the flush down. He pulled a hand through his tangled and sweat covered hair.
"Man, what's Coran been putting in our food." He says quietly to himself in the darkness of his bathroom. He'd woken up so suddenly, feeling the unsteadiness in his body, that he hadn't bothered with lights, just thrown back his covers and stumbled around in the dark to get to where he was.
He reached for the light switch now, turning it on quietly and turning to the sink to wash his face of blood, sweat and tears. He pulled his head up and looked into the mirror, hands on either side of the basin to support his still in shock body. He didn't recognise himself. His hair was slick with sweat and grease, pulled to one side and hanging over one eye, his face was void of colour and despite his dark skin he still looked pale, this only made the bags under his eyes more obvious but most frighteningly, Lance saw his eyes and felt fear. They were void. Nothingness lied there, dull and lifeless. He looked older.
He finally pushed himself away from the mirror and stumbled back into his room to attempt sleep once again.
.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.
7:06 am
He'd tossed and turned for the remainder of the night, and although it wasn't a great time to get up, Lance couldn't just lay there any longer, alone with his thoughts. He needed to do something to occupy his mind. The sickness in his stomach was still there, impatiently chewing away at his insides, trying to get a reaction from the boy. At this time, he was sure the training room would be empty and he could just train alone. He'd been wrong.
The moment the door to the training room had opened, Lance had felt his heart squeeze in his chest, the tightness leaving him short of breath. Still, he pushed himself into the room, unable to remove his eyes from the person there before him.
Keith had finished off his training simulation by swinging round and cutting straight through the body of a robot. The simulation ended and the robot was retracted into the floor, it was now that Keith raised an eyebrow towards Lance as he slotted his blade into the sheath attached to his jeans.
"You're up before midday? That's a first." He remarked, grabbing his towel from the side of the room and tossing it over his shoulder. Lance couldn't help but notice the sweat that covered the other boy's body, making his plain black tshirt cling attractively to his torso.
"Y-Yeah, well... wanted to get some training in. You're up early too." Lance managed to speak with only minimal stuttering, but that isn't to say it wasn't embarrassing. He was usually so cool and collected but lately he couldn't even speak clearly, all because of Keith.
"I always get up at this time," Keith furrowed his eyebrows at him. "You're just never up early enough to know that. I see why now, the morning doesn't treat you well does it, Lance?" He gestured to the boys unkempt appearance, that wasn't due to just one nights lack of sleep, but Lance would never tell Keith the real reason. Lance felt his cheeks heat.
"S-Shut up!"
Keith laughed and took his knife from the sheath again, letting the blade transform into a bigger sword with a smirk on his face.
"Make me." He said simply, his words bearing a challenge. Lance felt his cheeks grow hotter once again.
"W-What..?" Lance stumbled over his words. Kieth rolled his eyes at him.
"It's a training deck. What better way to train than a one on one battle, huh? Unless you're scared you'll loose?" Keith turned on his heal, walking away purposely to rile Lance up, who now had regained some of his moxie.
"Oh, you're on, Kogane." Lance went for his bayard which instantly took the form of his signature sniper rifle, following Keith into the middle to the room.
The countdown started and Lance didn't hesitate to go straight in, he wasn't going to loose to Keith. He had him on defence for while before the tables turned and he had to use his shield to block the hits of Keith's blade, dodging and swinging round to try and get to an advantage. For the first time in a week, Lance had forgotten about his nerves and the churning of his stomach. Lance managed to knock Keith so he almost lost his balance while on defence and took the opportunity to get back on offence, taking a few shots at Keith which he'd barely managed to dodge. This riled Kieth up, giving him an idea. He charged at Lance, sliding through his leg stance to get behind him where he kicked at the boy's back so he fell on his front, his bayard sliding away from him. Lance tried quickly to push himself back up, rolling onto his front, but Keith got to him faster, forcing him back to the ground with a foot on his chest, slamming his blade into the ground next to Lance's head. Lance had flinch but when he opened his eye's he saw Keith above him, his breathing laboured from their long battle. Despite himself, Lance smiled.
"Good fight." Kieth said shortly, ripping his sword to the ground and letting it turn back into the much smaller knife which he pushed back into its pocket sheath. He retracted his foot from Lance's chest and held a hand out to help him up. Lance hesitated for a second, then took it, being pulled up from the ground by Kieth's strong arms.
"Yeah, good fight." Lance agreed absentmindedly, feeling his heart beat hammering on his chest.
"You're not even bothered that I totally kicked your ass?" Keith asked, walking over to his towel once again. Lance, who had been retrieving his bayard, stopped and remembered that usually he would be pissed that Keith beat him, but he didn't even care now.
"Uh- We-Well, yeah obviously! But... it's too early! Ya know?" Lance laughed it off, coming up with an excuse quickly. Keith raised an eyebrow at him uncertainly but said no more. Lance walked over to where Keith was, gulping down water with his towel around his shoulders again. Lance picked up his own towel and wiped away his sweat before clearing his throat in an attempt to voice a question that had occurred to him.
"Hey, Keith?" The boy turned his head towards Lance showing he was listening. "Aren't you supposed to be with The Blade at the moment?"
Keith sighed, screwing the top back onto his bottle. "I was. Yes. The mission got postponed until later this week, so I'll be gone again in a few days." He explained. Lance's chest tightened again, feeling the almost forgotten feeling in his stomach return stronger.
"B-But, you just got back-" Lance tried to point out but Keith stopped him.
"I know that, Lance!" He said, the bite in his tone all too obvious. He took a breath. "I'm not apart of Voltron anymore, there's no real reason for me to be here... That's why I'm moving to The Blade's base..." He explained a bit calmer now.
"What! Why- When? Have you told the others yet?" Lance couldn't help but let it slip out probably way too panicked. Keith shrugged.
"Next time I go there. So a few days, and no, I haven't told them yet, so I'd appreciate if you left that to me." He spoke calmly but Lance was anything but.
"Keith, we-"
"Why do you care, Lance! It's my decision and it really has nothing to do with you!" Kieth snaps now, throwing the towel off his shoulder, his temper finally reaching it's breaking point. Lance felt the sickness again, prodding at his insides, his chest was tight again and breathing suddenly became harder.
"You're right." Lance said simply, picking up his towel and bayard he left the room as Keith began to train again, anger simmering in him.
Once the door to the training deck had closed it hit him. The searing pain coursing from his lungs into his throat. It felt like his lungs were on fire, like something was forcing it's way into the space in his chest, taking up all the space it could and infesting his body. He took struggling steps, reaching for something to hold him up with a juddering arm, he tried grabbing for the wall and found nothing, his nails ripping down the metal of the castle.
He fell down at the end of a corridor, on his knees, his hands clasping at his throat as he began to choke again, like he had last night, except now his chest had no space for air, he really was choking on something, he felt it in his throat. Violently retching into the empty hall, no sounds escaping his lips, he felt scared, true fear that struck him deep in his heart and made his mind foggy with panic. He doubled over, having to move his hands to support his weight as he gasped for air.
The blood had come first, more than last night, a lot more. Gushing from his cracked lips, staining his mouth and leaving a taste of metal, like coins. The air still wouldn't go to his lungs and he knew it wasn't over. The petals came up with bile and blood, covered in red they floated to the ground. More than last time. There was probably half a dozen that Lance could see in his blurred vision, tears starting to form in his eyes again. They weren't just blue, they were purple as well, but there was one, lone white petal, blood splattered, yes, but white. Whiter than the purest white. It was almost... pretty.
Lance coughed once more, the last of the blood coming up and covering his petals. He could breathe again. He sucked in air like a fish out of water, choking again but this time from the oxygen on the back of his throat.
Down the hall, a door opened and a rather dishevelled looking Pidge darted out, looking for the source of the noise that had woke her up. Her eyes landed on Lance, crumpled on the floor, and the mess of blood in front of him. Her face was taken over by concern as she ran up to him.
"Lance!" She called out, he voice made from worry. "Lance! What's happened?!"
She fell to her knees on the ground next to him, taking his forearm and shoulder in her arms as she attempted to sit him up straight. Lance did not answer, still taking in the air he had so badly missed.
"Is this blood! Lance you have to tell me what's happened! I'll call Allura here-" Pidge talked quickly, clearly distressed with no idea what to do.
"No..." Lance had gasped out between breaths. "...don't... no one... please..."
Pidge looked at him with increasing worry. Lance trusted Pidge but he was scared and didn't know what was happening to his body, he didn't want anyone seeing him like this. So weak and helpless, so in need of help.
"Lance, you need help-"
"Pidge... just you... please..." His breathing had become a little more stable but he was reluctant to speak in fear of losing the oxygen he so dearly needed. Pidge bit her lip in thought but nodded, knowing that she had to help Lance anyway she could.
.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.
8:34 am
Lance was in Pidge's room, staring into space, knowing that there was something wrong with him. The fear of the unknown was creeping into his brain and setting ideas of uncertainty down and watching them grow into scary beasts that trampled in his head, making the already sick feeling in his stomach double, his insides in knots.
Pidge sat on her bed cross-legged, typing frantically on her laptop keyboard, a look of concentration plastered on her face as her glasses slowly fell down her nose. Lance could hear her fingers on the keys but his mind wasn't there, it was far off in the deepest parts of his mind. And even there Keith would pop up. He couldn't escape him, even when he should be worried for his own health, all Lance could really think about was Keith.
Why did he have to leave?
What was Lance going to do? Keith wouldn't be in the castle anymore. Even though he's in The Blade now, he still lives in the castle and that comforted Lance because he knew Keith would have to come back. But if he didn't live in the castle then he wouldn't have to come back, and he probably wouldn't. Would he ever come back? Would Lance ever see him again once he left to live with The Blade?
"There's no real reason for me to be here"
But there is, Lance thought to himself, I need you here to keep my heart together. It's selfish, but I need you...
He felt his eyes and nose sting, the beginnings of tears starting to form. He blinked them back quickly, glancing over at Pidge still hastily typing away. He hadn't told her, there was no point in it at the moment. Pidge had more than once expressed her thoughts on how much of a waste of time love was, and how she was never, ever, ever, under any circumstance going to 'fall in love'. She wouldn't understand.
Pidge cleared her throat now, grabbing Lance's attention as she pushed her glasses up her nose.
"Lance, I found something that matches your symptoms..." She said glancing at him uncertainly. Lance pulled his head up to show he was listening. "It's called Hanahaki Disease... But I'm not one hundred per cent about it..."
"What is it?" Lance asks curiously, pushing himself up to go look at her laptop.
"It's a disease caused by unrequited love..." She starts cautiously, Lance's face pales. This is because of Keith? "When love is one sided, a flowering plant will start to grow in the 'victim's' lungs, as the plant grows the victim will start to cough up and regurgitate flower petals, often along with blood." She reads, then stops to look at Lance. "Is it Allura?" she asks.
"What! No, no... it's... not..." He shakes his head, looking down at his lap. There's silence for a moment. "It's... Keith..."
Pidge looks shocked for only a second then she looks confused. "I thought you two were, ya know, rivals?"
Lance shrugs. "The world works in strange ways, Pidgeon... How do we fix this then?"
Pidge bites her lip, looking down at her keyboard.
"Well... That's complicated. It says the plant will disappear if or when the other person begin's to... love the 'victim' back... You'd have to confess to him, Lance." Lance attempts to swallows the tightness in his throat, his jaw clenching self consciously. That's the one thing he wanted more than anything, for Keith to love him the way Lance did him, but to tell Keith how he felt? The thought brought a whole new wave of anxiety and fear.
"What are the other ways?" Lance asks, his fingers fidgeting in his lap.
"...The only other way to get rid of the plant is a surgery that will remove it-"
"Okay, good! So where can I get the surgery then?" He asks, feeling a little bit of the dread lifted from his shoulders, although the idea if surgery still scared him a little, it was better than living with the constant shortness of breath and coughing up petals. Pidge's eyes shift.
"Lance, you should know that once the plant is removed, so are the feelings for the person... You wont love Keith anymore." She explains.
Lance's eyes widen slightly, he stares into space once again for moment. The thoughts crashing around his head, cramming themselves in and giving him the beginnings of a headache.
"Pidge, what happens if I don't do anything?" He asks now, knowing the answer in the deepest part of his mind, but not acknowledging it, needing to hear it from someone else to bring it to light. Pidge opens her mouth to speak but closes it again, no sound coming out. She's silent for a moment before she brings herself to speak.
"You'll... The plant will continue to grow and eventually spread to the other parts of your body... You'll... die, Lance."
Lance breathes out slowly, controlling himself as much a possible, letting the words wash over him and soak him in the truth he had no choice in, weighing his options; Confess. Surgery. Die. Confessing could go one of two ways. The surgery would make him better, but at the cost of not loving Keith. Dying was... a last option.
"How long?" He says after a minute. She raises an eyebrow at him in questioning. "How long until I... die?"
"It's different for every person, Lance. It will vary based on the persons circumstances..."
They're quiet for a long time. The silence letting the terrible reality sink in for both of them.
"I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I think you should do the surgery, Lance." Pidge says, shutting the lid to her laptop. Lance stares at her for a second.
"I can't. You probably wont understand this, Pidge, but I love Keith. So much it hurts. So much I didn't even know it was possible to love someone this much. I can't just... throw it away. I'm scared to. I've never loved someone this way before, it's exciting, but terrifying. It's like I need him, to live. I'm scared that if I throw it away I'll never feel like this ever again. Then I'll have to live the rest of my life knowing I could of had something that was so undeniably meant to be, but I was too afraid to even try." Lance's eyes were wild with a passion even Pidge couldn't deny. She sighed, not really happy with Lance's decision but knowing she couldn't change his mind.
"You're going to get Keith to love you back then?" She asked, worried for her friend.
"I'll tell him how I feel. That's the only thing I can do." He shrugs, steadying his breathing as he talked.
"And tell him about the disease?" He shakes his head and Pidge turns to face him fully. "But Lance, what if-"
"It wont make a difference if he knows or not. I can't force him to love me back. Confessing is the best chance I've got." Lance cuts her off, knowing he's already made up his mind. "... So, you'll help me, right?"