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Donghyuck confuses Mark.
It’s not that Donghyuck is a confusing person, it’s just that Mark can’t seem to wrap his head around the younger boy.
They’ve been best friends for years, but recently Mark has been thinking more and more about the other boy, and he’s not sure if it’s a good or bad thing.
It all started last summer. Their friend group decided to have a thank-god-school-is-over bonfire, because who doesn’t want to light past assignments that made them almost cry from stress on fire.
The night started fine, he talked to Jeno about their upcoming dance practice schedule, “We’re going to be dead by the time school starts!” asked Renjun how his latest art project is going, “I crave death.” and ruffles Jisungs hair, which the younger does not seem to enjoy. He hears a laugh coming from his right, a laugh that he knows better than his own mother’s voice.
“When did you get here Hyuckie?” he asks, turning to face the shorter boy. The other smiles at him and Mark swears time stops.
This is what Mark likes to call incident #1
Mark’s smile falters, which Donghyuck picks up on and sends him a confused glance. “Like two seconds ago, shouldn’t you know better than to touch our dear Jisungies hair? We all know Chenle’s the only one allowed to do that.” the redhead says, walking over to pull Jisung into his arms. “It’s okay Sungie. The weird man won’t hurt you any longer.” Jisung pulls away at that, scrunching his nose and mumbling about weird hyungs.
“I’m glad you’re admitting that I’m a man now.” he walks past Donghyuck noticing his smile drop.
He crosses his arms, “It was a joke, you’re still an annoying 12 year old in my eyes.” Donghyuck says while pouting. Mark laughs and drops the subject. his inability to argue with a pouting Donghyuck is quite well known around their friend group, and they never fail to make fun of him for it.
“Alright, lovebirds let’s get this party started!” Jaemin exclaims, waving a piece of wood while Renjun looks at him in concern. The two boys learned a long time ago that arguing with their friends about them being “love birds” was futile, so they just shake their heads while sitting down around the makeshift campfire.
The next hour goes all right; they haven’t accidentally caused Jaemins house to burn down which is a plus, it’s not until Mark looks over to Donghyuck things start going wrong.
Donghyuck’s laughing at some joke Chenle made, head thrown back and eyes closed, the fire illuminates his skin in the most beautiful way possible, making his already tan skin glow in a way Mark has never seen before. He calms down from his small laughing fit, only giggling here and there, eyes now open and once again Mark feels like time stops.
Donghyuck is beautiful. No, beautiful doesn’t seem right, pretty either, they somehow aren’t enough.
Breathtaking his brain supplies, Donghyuck is breathtaking .
Now, Mark’s always thought that Donghyuck was, for lack of a better word, cute, but his almost annoying personality prohibited him from using a more heavy word, but this, in Na Jaemins backyard no less, is not something he’s ever thought before.
He shakes out of his train of thought when he feels a hand on his thigh. Donghyuck’s looking at him with a concerned curiosity in his eyes, and he can’t help but smile back.
Mark tries to act normal the rest of the night, though Donghyuck seems to see right through his act. He pushes the younger away at the end of the night when he attempts to ask Mark if he’s alright, and he pretends not to see the hurt in Donghyuck’s eyes.
If Mark stays awake all night thinking about golden skin and Donghyuck’s laughter nobody needs to know.
Incident #2 doesn’t happen for a while, Mark successfully pushed away his weird feelings for the younger for another year until the next summer rolls around, and yet again they come back like vicious weeds wrapping around him, making Mark unable to think about anything other than Donghyuck, Donghyuck, Donghyuck.
This time Mark’s alone in his room, he’s sitting at his desk attempting to get some work done when he gets a text. Incoming is all it says, and Mark sighs, knowing exactly what’s coming. He hears a tap on his window and turns around in his desk chair.
Donghyuck’s crouched on his balcony like he just jumped down from the banister, which he did. He’s smiling at Mark, the one that’s a mix between mischievous and shy, an odd combination, but Donghyuck makes it work.
Mark doesn’t know when this whole thing started, Donghyuck climbing up to his room and coming in through the balcony instead of the front door like a normal person, he doesn’t even remember when he got used to it, but it’s a normal part of his life, so Mark’s decided to stop questioning it.
Donghyuck’s pounding on the door now, yelling at him to fucking open the door already . The younger’s always had a bit of a potty mouth, which, when Mark thinks about it, is probably the only thing about Donghyuck he genuinely dislikes. He can stand the other’s strong personality, all the insults thrown his way seemingly without a second thought, but when Donghyuck calls him an asshole or bitch or sends a loud, high-pitch whore! Jaemin’s way it leaves a weird feeling in his stomach.
When he finally shakes out of his thoughts and lets Donghyuck in, he immediately barrels towards Mark’s bed, and for the remainder of the younger’s visit, the bed is his now. “So,” he starts, stretching himself across Mark’s bed like a cat, the afternoon sun streaming in through the window making him look beautiful and calm, not a combination he often sees on Donghyuck, “There’s a party tonight.”
Mark winces, parties aren’t really his favorite thing on this Earth, they’re too loud, and he’s too awkward to fit in in that sort of environment. “Hyuck, do I have to go?” he tries his best to give Donghyuck some persuasive puppy dog eyes but judging by the disappointed look on the other’s face they’re not working.
“Mark, you never go to parties! Please, just this once, for me?” Donghyuck’s pouting, not in the cute, please give me a kiss Markie way but the I’m three seconds away from crying way, and Mark feels his resolve crumble.
Not enough though, “Donghyuck, I have too much to do tonight.”
Donghyuck gets up from the bed as he turns away, aiming to clean off his desk so he can get some more work done, he grabs onto Mark’s arm, “Mark…” he drags the syllables, stomping his feet, acting like a toddler throwing a tantrum.
“Donghyuck, I said no,” his words stopping Donghyuck in his tracks.
He scoffs, turning around to sit back down on the bed, “ I forgot, you don’t like to have fun” he mumbles, clearly not wanting Mark to hear, but he does, and it makes his chest ache.
Mark inhales quickly, the hot burn of shame growing in his chest. He knows he’s, for the lack of a better word, lame, Donghyuck’s done well in drilling that into his head, but to have the younger say it almost behind his back is embarrassing.
Donghyuck lifts his head to look at him, and his eyes widen upon seeing his face flushed red from shame, “Hey, wait,” he pauses, searching for the eighth words to say, “you may be a nerd, but you’re my nerd.” He smiles at Mark after he says it, almost bashfully, and Mark feels his chest lighten when he sees it.
Summer work can wait, especially when Donghyuck’s involved.
Mark’s head hurts. Maybe it’s the pounding bass of whatever song is currently blaring throughout whoever’s house he’s in, or maybe it’s because he was dragged to this party by Donghyuck, who then promptly ditched him the moment they walked in the door. How fun.
He’s wandering around the kitchen when he finally spots him, yelling to get his attention. Donghyuck jumps, eyes widening but then smiling when he sees Mark. He bounces over, pressing a kiss to his cheek before Mark can process it.
“I think I’m gonna make out with Jeno tonight,” Donghyuck says, swaying on his feet, a smirk on his annoyingly pretty face.
It takes a second for Mark to process what he said, “What?” Donghyuck winks at him before walking away, turning back for a moment to yell at him to find Jaemin or Renjun or whoever, he doesn’t care. Mark makes it a few steps towards the living room when he finally grasps what Donghyuck said to him. The image of Donghyuck and Jeno kissing makes his stomach twist; he stumbles at the feeling, confused as to why it bothers him.
The loud music makes it impossible for Mark to think, so he busies himself with finding Renjun. He stumbles down the stairs to the basement, spotting Renjun in the corner of the room tucked into Jaemin’s side on the couch.
“Donghyuck ditched me to make out with Jeno,” Mark says instead of an actual greeting, not being able to help the way he spits out the words.
Jaemin looks up at him, “Someone sounds bitter.”
“I’m not bitter,” Renjun and Jaemin stare at him pointedly, “Ok I am, but not because he’s kissing Jeno, it’s because he ditched me.”
Renjun has a look on his face that screams trouble, “Why would you be jealous of Jeno?”
“I wouldn’t! That’s why I’m saying I’m not!”
Jaemin groans and Renjun rolls his eyes, “Mark, you do realize you’re in love with Donghyuck right?”
Mark scoffs, “What are you talking about. He’s my best friend.”
“Are you sure about that? You’re not jealous at all that he’s going to make out with Jeno?” Renjun says, clearly trying to instigate something.
“He makes out with Jeno all the time, right? Why would I be jealous?” Mark’s not in the mood for this conversation, and the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach.
Jaemin smirks, “Maybe because you want to make out with him?”
Mark squints, how in the world Jaemin came to that conclusion he doesn’t know, but Renjun’s looking at him with that I’m-right-and-you-know-it look on his face and it confuses him. Whatever Renjun thinks he’s right about he has to be wrong, Mark knows his feelings, he and Donghyuck are best friends, nothing more nothing less.
Suddenly he feels like a party is the last place he wants to be, “Uh, I’m gonna head home now.”
Renjun looks at him quizzically, “Why? I thought you came to hang out with Hyuck?”
“I think he’s too busy shoving his tongue down Jeno’s throat, I can hang out with him tomorrow or something,” Mark says, getting up from the floor.
Jaemin and Renjun say their goodbyes, albeit a little disappointedly, while Mark shoves his hands into his pockets. He makes his way through the hordes of bodies dancing and having fun, living their life to the fullest, and he feels an ache in his chest.
Mark wishes he could be like that, carefree, like Donghyuck, then maybe the younger would view him as something other than his lame best friend. He can be fun, at least Mark thinks he can, but maybe not if being fun means getting wasted every weekend at parties.
He thinks about it on the way home, he used to never be concerned with what Donghyuck thought about him, so why all of a sudden does he want him to think he’s cool?
Mark sighs when he makes it to his room, quickly changing into sweats and a random shirt, Jaemin’s words from earlier echoing in his head.
“Maybe because you want to make out with him?”
Mark’s first thought is that Jaemin’s wrong, Donghyuck is his best friend, best friends don’t want to kiss each other. But then his brain zeroes in on Donghyuck’s lips, flipping through memories of him staring at the younger’s lips as he talks, and vague recollections of wondering what they’d feel like against his own.
Oh, okay, he sits up in bed, staring at the pictures of the both of them hung up above his desk, maybe he has thought about kissing Donghyuck before. That doesn’t mean he likes him though, right? He just craves that sort of connection with someone, and Donghyuck as the closest person to him he projected those feelings onto the younger, he rationalizes.
Mark falls asleep clinging to the thought that he doesn’t like Donghyuck, he’s just lonely, not allowing himself to consider anything else.
Donghyuck invites himself over the next day when Mark sets out to finish the summer work he oh so nicely put to the side to go to the party with the younger and got ditched within five minutes. He’s smiling when he walks into the room, throwing out a high-pitched hello, laying himself across Mark’s bed.
Mark just turns back around to start working again, he’s not going to let Donghyuck distract him like he did yesterday, it was a rookie mistake, and he’s mad at himself for letting the younger talk him into going.
He can hear Donghyuck asking him questions, but he refuses to respond. Mark knows how much it’ll annoy the younger, but maybe he’s feeling a bit petty because of last night.
“Is this because I ditched you? I’m sorry about that Markie.” Oh god, he’s probably pouting right now, Mark definitely can’t look at him now, or else he’d give in.
Donghyuck huffs at the lack of attention he’s getting, getting up from the bed and jumping slightly to sit on Mark’s desk. Mark pays him no attention until Donghyuck starts to poke him in the bicep.
Mark turns his head a little bit to glare at the younger, to which Donghyuck only shrugs, “I’m not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention.”
He sighs, setting his pencil down and pulling Donghyuck off the desk, “C’mere. You can sit on my lap until I’m done working.”
Donghyuck pauses before shrugging, setting himself down onto Mark’s lap, getting comfortable. He lays his head against Mark’s chest, curling himself into the elder. Mark can see the blush on Donghyuck’s cheeks when he looks down at him, and he’s pretty sure Donghyuck’s able to hear his heart beating impossibly loud.
He works as best as he can with a, albeit very tiny, boy on his lap. It’s kind of hard, but he’d do anything for Donghyuck, though that doesn’t seem to land him in very enjoyable experiences. Donghyuck nuzzles into Mark’s chest, breath puffing out against him. Okay, this is a very enjoyable experience.
Donghyuck falls asleep two pages into Mark’s assigned reading. Mark sighs, making a split second decision to push his chair away from the desk, carefully lifting Donghyuck up to bring him over to the bed.
Mark tucks the younger in, brushing the hair away from his forehead, stopping himself before he leans down to press a kiss to it. Donghyuck grabs his arm when he turns away, “You need a break,” He pauses for a moment, considering what to say next, “please don’t leave me.”
His words are soft and vulnerable, barely above a whisper. Mark feels himself melt at how precious he sounds, and before he knows it, he’s shutting off his desk lamp and the light in his room, and settling in next to Donghyuck.
Donghyuck moves closer once he gets under the covers, laying his head on Mark’s chest again. He feels so warm on top of Mark, and calming in a way he never thought the younger could be. Mark falls asleep almost immediately.
Mark wakes to his phone buzzing on his nightstand. He blearily grabs for both his phone and glasses, knocking the latter to the ground in the process. Grumbling, he almost falls out of bed trying to grab them. His phone reads 2:29 am and below that is a text from Donghyuck.
Incoming
He sighs, throwing the blankets off himself, making his way to his closet to pull on a hoodie and some shoes. Mark heads downstairs as quietly as he can, planning on meeting Donghyuck before he attempts to climb the side of his house.
Mark spots Donghyuck once he reaches the driveway, he has his head bent, wearing one of Mark’s hoodies with the hood up, hands tucked into the pocket in the front. He stops in front of Mark, not bothering to lift his head, “Can we go for a walk?”
Donghyuck sounds like he’s a few seconds away from completely breaking down, so Mark just follows him when he spins on his heel and walks away. It’s not a good day for Donghyuck, he can tell, but he’s been with Donghyuck through enough of his bad days to know how to deal with them.
They walk in silence, for once Donghyuck isn’t running his mouth, and Mark misses it. He doesn’t like seeing the younger sad; it’s such a juxtaposition to his normal persona, Mark wants to hear him go off about whatever dumb tangent he’s always going on.
Donghyuck’s hood falls down after a couple of minutes, but he doesn’t bother to pull it back up. His eyes are dull, mouth set in a frown, and Mark desperately wants him to smile again.
He stops in his tracks, and Mark stops too, watching him closely. Donghyuck swallows, “C-can I hold your hand?”
Mark doesn’t say anything, just grabs Donghyuck’s hand, slowly intertwining their fingers. Donghyuck’s eyes are closed, and Mark looks at him, squeezing his hand. Donghyuck slowly opens his eyes, blinking at him, before giving him a small smile and squeezing back.
They hold hands all the way back to Mark’s house, up the stairs, and don’t even let go as they fall asleep.
Unsurprisingly, Mark wakes up before Donghyuck. Their hands are still intertwined, and Mark flushes when he sees them. His eyes move up from their hands to Donghyuck’s face.
Donghyuck looks so peaceful when he sleeps; the morning sun is shining on his face, making him look like he’s glowing. Mark slides his eyes down his face until he reaches his lips. They look so pretty, and plump and Mark forgets how to breathe.
He lays back down, staring up at the ceiling, here he goes again with Donghyuck’s lips. They’re just lips! There’s nothing special about them! Expect the fact that they make Mark hot all over and unable to think about anything else.
Oh god, he wants to kiss Donghyuck, really badly, in a totally not platonic way. Does this mean he also wants to be with him in a totally not platonic way? He lifts his head to check the time on his phone, 8:36 am, it’s way too early for this.
Mark is, if not anything, weak, especially for Donghyuck. That’s why he goes through all five steps of grief in less than ten minutes.
Denial, he’s been in this for over a year, maybe longer. He can’t like Donghyuck, not like that, they’re best friends, and they’ll always just be best friends. Loving Donghyuck was not in his life plan, at least not like that.
Anger, he doesn’t love Donghyuck, it’s just Renjun and Jaemin’s words confusing him. This is all their fault. He wouldn’t be awake at seven in the morning questioning whether or not he’s in love with his best friend if they hadn’t put the idea in his head.
Wait, where did the word love come from?
Bargaining, this is just some bad dream, right? He’s not even awake right now, and this is Mark’s subconscious messing with him.
Depression, oh god, this is going to ruin their friendship. Mark’s not good at keeping things from Donghyuck, especially something as big as being in love. He’s going to lose Donghyuck because there’s no way he feels the same and his life is going to be empty and dull for the rest of it.
Acceptance. He’s in love with Donghyuck. He has to tell him, even if it will ruin their friendship, there is no other way. Mark isn’t at all okay with this revelation, but he knows it’s the truth, and he can’t keep lying to himself about it.
Donghyuck wakes up as he’s running scenarios in his head about how to confess. He whines, eyes squinted shut because of the sun leaking in through the window, and stretches.
“Morning sleepy head, are you feeling better?” Mark’s trying his best to sound like he didn’t just go through a crisis.
Donghyuck slumps back against his pillow, “Yeah, thank you.” He smiles sheepishly at Mark while rubbing the back of his head.
“It’s okay bro, let’s get some breakfast yeah?”
Mark climbs out of bed as he says it, out of the door by the time he’s finished, but if he weren’t, he would’ve seen the disappointed look on Donghyuck’s face.
Mark’s thought long and hard about everything he discovered that fateful morning a couple of days ago. That was definitely incident #3 on his list of times I realized I was in love with Donghyuck , it’s a great list.
He remembers last summer, Donghyuck’s laugh and how it made him feel weightless. Earlier that month, giving in to Donghyuck when he wanted to go to that party.
He has to confess, he knows he does, but it scares him. Mark likes the relationship Donghyuck and he have, the familiarity of it all, he doesn’t want to lose that. He doesn’t know what he’ll do if things get awkward between them, Mark needs Donghyuck in his life, he realizes belatedly, whether it’s as his best friend or something more.
When Donghyuck shoots him yet another Incoming! text Mark decides that it’s now or never, he might as well do it now before he chickens out.
Donghyuck walks in from the balcony looking like the most beautiful person in the world, but maybe Mark’s just biased.
“Hey,” Mark says nervously, not meeting Donghyuck’s eye.
Donghyuck pauses, confused by Mark’s demeanor, “Hey? What’s wrong?”
“I uh- I have something I need to tell you,” Donghyuck furrows his brow, though he allows Mark to usher him to the bed, sitting down next to him.
“Donghyuck,” Mark starts carefully thinking about the words he’s going to say next, “I like you, like really really like you.”
The younger freezes, clearly not expecting the confession.
“I don’t expect you to feel the same way,” Mark says, hands shaking.
Donghyuck’s eyes widen like he’s just now processed what Mark’s saying, “Oh thank God!”
They both freeze at his sudden outburst.
Mark feels his face grow hot, hands fidgeting in his lap, eyes falling to the floor in embarrassment.
“Oh shit, I didn’t mean that like I don’t love you too! I mean like-“
Mark’s head shoots up, “Who said anything about love?”
“I did! I love you!”
They’re staring at each other now at a loss for words.
Donghyuck stands up and makes his way to the door, “Fuck okay we’re doing this again don’t move.”
Mark grabs his hand before he can walk away, “Hey, hey. You love me?” He sounds hopeful, a small smile making its way onto his face.
“Of course,” Donghyuck whispers like it’s the most obvious thing on Earth.
Mark loosens his grip on Donghyuck’s wrist, sliding his hand down to intertwine their fingers, “I love you too.”
Donghyuck laughs and Mark joins in. They fall onto the bed in a pile of limbs, it’s awkward, but they couldn’t be happier.
Mark is underneath Donghyuck, arms wrapped around his waist, while Donghyuck mouths I love you into his skin. For the first time in a while, Mark feels like he can breathe.
Falling in love with his best friend wasn’t a part of the plan, but he’s so incredibly happy that it happened.