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"Goodnight Shiro," Keith mumbled nestling closer to Shiro's side.
"Goodnight Keith."
It was a simple exchange. One they'd picked up back on Earth before they were ever together. Shiro had started it as part of a "daily check-in" that he'd started doing after Keith's third fight with the other cadets. He would call or stop over to see the younger man and ask about his day. Whether or not it was actually near the time either of them went to bed that was always was Shiro would say before leaving or hanging up. He'd wondered why at first even going so far as to comment that it was only seven o'clock one time.
"In my family, it always helped me sleep knowing I'd told everyone goodnight," Shiro had said with a shrug.
After that Keith found himself starting the exchange more and more until it was more normal to hear him start their goodbyes than Shiro. At the time, he'd thought it was the least he could do for how much the other went out of his way for him.
As classes and training moved on and Shiro and Keith distinguished themselves as capable pilots they found themselves looking to the stars. Of course, Shiro always had while Keith had been more focused on what was in front of him.
"That one there, do you see the cross there?" Shiro pointed at an arrangement of stars that Keith had struggled to pick out from the blanket of light and dark.
"Uh, that one?" He pointed and gave a small huff when Shiro repositioned his arm to the correct bearing. "What about it?"
"That one's Cygnus. It's sometimes called the Northern Cross," Shiro explained.
"Yeah?"
"Just off its right wing is Kerberos," Shiro smiled softly. His eyes were already going distant as he, no doubt, thought about how soon he'd have the chance to live his dream.
"Oh...yeah..." Keith lowered his arm slowly. They'd talked about it. How it was such a great chance for Shiro. He'd even told him how he couldn't possibly turn it down and how happy he was for him when he got the spot on the mission, but he hated that it would take away his closest friend for a year. "I shouldn't be acting so stupid about this. Adam was even on board with the idea...it's not like he'd stay for me, and if he would I'd be taking this away from him," he chided himself working instead to focus on the contented look on Shiro's face.
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It was time. Keith's stomach flipped. He could have sworn his chest was so tight with...whatever this feeling was, "anxiety?" that he was afraid that he wouldn't be able to breathe to say goodbye. The days had flown by too quickly, and now he was going to be alone. Of course, he'd told Shiro that he would keep Adam company, but he was pretty sure that Shiro's boyfriend disliked him. There would likely only be one or two obligatory visits before he "forgot to keep in touch." He'd catch some teasing for it later, but that would be fine.
Shiro's expression changed rapidly from excitement to something resembling sadness as he looked from the rocket to Keith before he pulled a winning smile. Keith was almost sure he'd imagined the look from Shiro before the smile.
"Looks like it's time. I'll see you soon," Shiro pulled the smaller man into a tight hug, "Goodnight Keith," he whispered.
"Night Shiro," Keith replied automatically feeling his eyes burn, "Stay safe."
Shiro held on a moment longer and Keith wished he could stop everything. Could stop him from going up the ramp to the ship. Could convince him to stay. Instead, he held up a hand to wave as Shiro looked back to wave before ducking into the craft. Keith let his hand fall to his side. Watched the teams go through their final checks, and watched the skies long after he couldn't see any trace of the spacecraft. His insides still felt twisted up, and he told himself it wasn't because he'd been too afraid to tell Shiro everything.
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The first night Keith could not get comfortable or settle down. His mind kept replaying the day. Shiro in his uniform. Shiro promising that he'd come by the same day he got back. Shiro and him standing back from the launch site together absorbing that it was actually happening. Him pretending that he didn't feel like his world was falling out from beneath him. Realizing that he had fallen for someone who already belonged to someone else. Shiro ducking into the ship and out of sight.
Keith heaved himself out of bed with a sigh and pulled on his jacket. Sure it was past curfew, but that hadn't ever stopped him before. He padded through the garrison halls with practiced ease and slipped out the door and onto the grounds. He didn't have a destination in mind. The evening desert breeze was cool against his skin, and he was glad he'd remembered his jacket. The grounds of the garrison were still and quiet compared to during the day where students came and went. He made a turn near the P.E. track and came up short when he realized he was nearing the spot that he and Shiro had come to so often to watch the stars.
"Figures..."
Keith sat down heavily and looked up. The sky felt too big and empty to look at without Shiro there. Keith groaned in frustration and flopped back into the grass. His eyes roamed across stars picking out different constellations. Shiro had taught him most of them he realized and closed his eyes. His mind instantly conjured up the familiar image of Shiro sitting on the hill beside him.
"That one right there," his brain-Shiro said pointing.
Keith opened his eyes and followed where Shiro had pointed.
"Cygnus..." he breathed. He could feel the tears he'd forced away earlier prickle in his eyes. He swiped them away angrily and followed the dots to the right wing. Shiro was out there. Out there so far he couldn't reach him. He smiled bitterly and reached for his phone. Before he'd left Shiro had recorded something for him. He'd already watched it over twelve times today. He pulled up the recording and hit play as he lifted the phone to his ear never taking his gaze from the empty space near the swan's right wing.
"I know you're probably sick of hearing this by now, but make sure you remember to eat. I know how you get when you're focused on something. Try not to let Iverson get to you. You've got a good head for this. I believe in you, and you can do anything you set your mind to. I'll be back before you know it, and we'll all go get some ice cream or something," a pause he was already growing used to, "I'm gonna say this now so you can hear it because I'll still be saying it out there, but goodnight Keith." Shiro's voice stopped and the phone went silent.
"Night Shiro," he answered. He lingered on the hill for a while longer before returning to his room and falling asleep.
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It had become a routine. Wake up, go to classes, enjoy his free time, exercise, shower, go out and listen to Shiro's message, wish him a good night, and go to bed. Somewhere in the second month, Keith realized he didn't know anything about the bird in the stars he was looking at night after night. He stopped by the garrison library and checked out a book on birds. The librarian quirked an eyebrow at him and rang the book out. He'd never checked out a book in the three years he'd been at the garrison.
Instead of going for a walk like he usually did Keith stayed in and curled up in his bed while he thumbed through the index to find the section about swans. He learned that they were considered symbols of grace, love, and beauty. That there were different types of swans, some of which were pretty ill-tempered, and that they mate for life. He spent nearly an hour reading and re-reading the information until it stuck. He couldn't think of a time when he'd actually seen a swan in real life, but looking at the pictures now he did have to admit that they were beautiful and that they were positively fearless when it came to protecting each other or their young. It seemed fitting somehow that Shiro was in space somewhere flying towards a swan.
His heart throbbed. After the first week, he'd managed to stop listening to the message throughout the day and only listen to it at night. He ran a hand over the full page image of two swans in the water. He reached for his phone and lifted it to his ear today. He promised himself that when Shiro came back that he would sit down with the man and talk about how confused his feelings were.
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One night four months after Shiro had gone to the stars Keith sat listening to Shiro's message. He didn't have to actually listen. He knew it by heart, but he took comfort in hearing Shiro's voice on the other end of the phone.
"...gonna say this now so you can hear it because I'll still be saying it out there, but goodnight Keith."
Keith smiled in spite of himself as he looked at the sky.
"Night Shiro, I love you." Keith paused as what he said sank in. Was that what it really was? Still? His brow furrowed as he sat up and looked at the spot where Shiro would normally sit. He hadn't gone to see Adam. Wasn't sure how the other man was taking Shiro's absence. He frowned. He would have to be honest with Shiro, but he didn't want to hurt his friend's relationship either. He'd have to move beyond these feelings. Keith pulled his knees to his chest and rested his head on his knees. He didn't sleep that night.
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The year without Shiro was halfway through. Keith realized that the team ought to be on Kerberos now. He made a dash to the cafeteria and settled in to hear the news, but it didn't come at lunch or at dinner. Maybe the higher-ups had to keep some of it out for now and they would play it tomorrow? He kept that thought close as he went out to watch the stars for the night.
The next day there was no news.
It was the same the following day too.
On the fourth day, Keith was tense. The first few updates had been a day or two behind, but this seemed too long. He paced his room and couldn't bring himself to attend his classes. Instead, he spent the entire day hunkered down in the cafeteria doing his best to blend in while he watched the news channels that always played. He dozed off but came to when the sound of everyone pouring in for lunch grew from a whisper to a constant murmur playing at the edges of his sleep. He stretched, but he didn't get up to get food.
He took stock of how many other cadets were there to pass some time when he realized that everyone seemed to be looking at the televisions.
"-beros Expedition Team has gone missing. It is assumed that they crashed..." Keith's ears started to ring and he only caught snatches, "more to be investigated....missed their last three check-ins...situation ruled as pilot error." The room seemed to wobble as Keith moved. He wasn't sure when he'd gotten to his feet. Everything was blurry. He needed air. He couldn't breathe. He felt himself bump into someone.
"-ey watch it," came a voice. He tried to see who it was, but they were just a mass of orange, white, and brown.
"Sorry," he choked out moving to step around them.
"You okay?" they seemed concerned, and it only made his head spin. The only person who'd been concerned before was missing.
Keith got around whoever the other man was and broke into a run. He needed to get outside. This didn't make sense. Needed something to clear his head. He hit the double doors to the grounds hard as he misjudged the distance and stumbled as he made it outside. He ran until it felt like his lungs would collapse and he tumbled to the ground gasping for air.
As his breathing slowly eased Keith realized that he didn't know where he'd run. He wasn't on the garrison grounds anymore. He was on some sort of jogging path in the woods nearby from the looks of it. How far away was that again? Two miles? Three? It had only felt like he'd been running for a few minutes. It was still here. Quiet. Everything seemed to be normal. Keith pushed himself to his feet and sat against a tree a bit off the path and pulled out his phone.
"I know you're probably sick of hearing this by now."
"Never."
"...but make sure you remember to eat."
Keith wasn't sure he felt anything, much less hunger right now.
"I know how you get when you're focused on something."
Keith squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn't tell if the wetness on his face was from sweating or crying.
"Try not to let Iverson get to you. You've got a good head for this."
"This can't be happening. It can't be real."
"I believe in you, and you can do anything you set your mind to."
"I can't...I can't bring you back."
"I'll be back before you know it, and we'll all go get some ice cream or something,"
Keith could feel a scream trapped in his chest.
A pause he knew better than himself. He could almost feel Shiro look away before smiling and saying.
"I'm gonna say this now so you can hear it because I'll still be saying it out there, but goodnight Keith."
"Shiro...no...nonono...don't be gone...," Keith whimpered and he slid to the ground clutching the phone to his ear.
There was only silence... like always.
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Keith couldn't remember much of the next few weeks. Didn't remember attending classes. Didn't see the concerned looks being thrown at him by the people that knew he and Shiro had been friends. Didn't see the boy who had always scowled at him before abort a movement to try to comfort him. He only remembered being so so angry when Iverson said something after he failed a sim.
That man, if you could even call him that, had had the gall, the audacity to say that he needed to get his head straight or he'd "End up like Shirogane."
That had done it. He snapped. He couldn't say what he'd done exactly. Just remembered throwing his uniform jacket off next to Iverson on the floor shouting something, grabbing his bag, and leaving. He didn't know how long it took him to get back to the small shack he'd once lived in before joining the garrison. He certainly couldn't say how many days and nights he spent wrapped in on himself listening to Shiro's message until one day he threw the phone across the room. It hit the wall and the light went out.
He panicked and scrambled to the phone. The screen was cracked, but it still worked. Keith let out a shuddering breath. The panic had snapped him out of his daze at least. He realized that he hadn't changed in days, that he smelled terrible, his hair was a total rat's nest, and that he was so hungry. He looked at the phone in his hand and gently set it on the nightstand. Shiro would give him hell when got back if he found out about this. Part of his brain tried to tell him that Shiro was gone. Dead out there somewhere in space, but he quickly squashed it and spun on his heel to take a shower.
It took more time than he would ever admit getting his hair combed out, but after getting cleaned up and eating he fell asleep.
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One night when he was outside to say goodnight to Shiro he felt a strange sensation. It was almost familiar and seemed to be urging him to follow it. He brushed it off and went in to go to sleep.
It was still there in the morning, and the morning after that, and the next one too until he gave in, packed himself some food and water and got on his hoverbike to check it out.
Over the next months, he discovered caves and tunnels positively littered with pictures of a blue lion. The days blurred together, and he couldn't figure out the mystery of why he was being pulled to these places.
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One night he was doing the dishes when it felt almost like he got an electric shock. He needed to be somewhere else. By this point, he didn't even question it. He snatched his keys and his bag from next to the door and headed out.
He reached the garrison near sundown and leaned back. He wasn't sure why he was out here, but he relaxed and waited to see if the feeling would lead anywhere. As night fell and the stars came out of hiding he watched as Cygnus gained its wings and looked at the familiar spot. His heart ached. Someday.
He sighed and closed his eyes. When he opened them again he could see something streaking out of the sky. He got to his feet and watched as it arced through the horizon before landing a ways off. The pull returned.
"Alright, show me what you want," he said to himself as he swung onto his bike and headed off. He set up what he needed to pull the garrison troops away. Snuck into the tent and...
"Shiro?"
His eyes flicked from Shiro's face to his arm to the straps on the table. First things first.
And then there was someone else. From their age, he guessed that it was a cadet from the garrison. Not without some issues, he and the strange cadets that showed up got out of there. His stomach was flip-flopping and he kept checking to make sure he wasn't dreaming. Shiro was right there. And he was alive.
When they got back he and the others got Shiro shifted into the bed to rest while he did his best to play host to the strangers. When everyone was finally settled Keith caught himself going to the door to go outside. He looked at the bed and a smile played at the corners of his mouth.
"Goodnight Shiro," he said before taking up a spot on the floor next to the bed.
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Things were different now. There was a war to fight, people to save, and a seemingly endless list of ways that things kept going wrong or getting complicated, but that one thing had stayed the same.
After a hard battle.
"Goodnight Shiro."
A close-call.
"Goodnight Keith."
A strange day on an alien planet.
"Goodnight Shiro."
The first night that he finally got the courage to tell Shiro everything.
"Goodnight Keith."
The first time they hadn't gone to their own rooms.
"Goodnight Shiro."
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Shiro shifted beneath him and Keith looked up to meet his lover's eyes.
"Are you okay?" Shiro's brow was creased in concern as he brushed Keith's hair out of his eyes.
"Yeah, I was just thinking." Keith tilted his head up and Shiro met him with a soft kiss before settling back down into the pillows.
"Okay. Goodnight Keith," Shiro said running a hand through Keith's hair before bringing it to rest on the smaller man's side.
"Goodnight Shiro, I love you." Keith adjusted his head so that he wouldn't put Shiro's arm to sleep.
His head bounced slightly as Shiro breathe a chuckle.
"I love you too Keith."