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They said Kogane would stay in the hospital for a month. Head trauma, broken ribs, bruises all over the fucking place. And here James was, right in front of the door into the hospital room, shaking and a half assed bouquet in hand.
The Voltron pilots had been placed in a separate ward from the regular Garrison patients. Something about giving them all a quieter area for recovery, he overheard. They really needed it, especially since the Voltron pilots went through hell and back just fighting off one enemy’s force. Last thing on their minds was to sate all their budding fans on top of healing. He finally stopped the shaking in his unsteady hands and wised up to finally enter the room.
Kogane’s room was quiet and barren of visitors. He had ordered it so, only allowing higher up Garrison officials and fellow paladins. There were other bouquets and cards decorating the side table. Someone even managed to bring in balloons. James only felt slightly self conscious about his hand-picked flowers. Kogane had been looking out the window but he turned to face James. There wasn’t a smile on Kogane’s face, not that he was expecting any but he didn’t look like the picture of hell when the paladins were initially helped out of their mechs. So, it was definitely an improvement.
The bruises have begun to lighten, and the swelling went down from Kogane’s face, it was a slow process. Those purple eyes had a shine to them, James felt like it was analyzing his intentions right from the start.
“Hey, long time no see.” It was so casual, very Keith. He probably doesn’t want anyone worrying too much.
“Hey.”
James hated the sound of his own voice, too chalky from mentally preparing himself to see Kogane for a week. He tried to make it sound like there was a smile in his voice behind all guards and tact he built in over the years. Keith, on the other hand, sounded like he lowered those walls.God he had to make up for that horrible intro.
“I know it’s tacky but, the team thought it’d be nice to get you some flowers.” He said, lifting the flowers up to Keith.
Bullshit. It was all his own resolve, but Kogane smiled and that made a crack in his wavering chill. He actually smiled and James couldn't help returning it.
"They're lilacs," he continued and handed him the small arrangement of flowers. Kogane adjusted himself to sit up more comfortably before taking them. Purple eyes scanning the lavender flora, fingers lightly grazing the petals, the stem.
"Thanks, they're beautiful. Didn’t think you were a flower kinda guy."
James snorted, "they're nothing compared to all of those." He regarded the large bunch of roses.
Kogane gave a dry laugh, "those are just for show. Too tacky, I can tell you actually gave a shit." He had a sly smile when he said that. Despite the whole scare the Garrison had with recovering the Voltron pilots, they were almost at 100%. That fact gave James much needed relief.
"You and the other MFE pilots saved our asses you know? You didn't even sign up for this shit and you guys kept going. I-we really appreciate it.”
He stayed silent, there was a quiet fire in Keith's eyes as he didn't break eye contact. James willed up his voice.
"Never thought I’d be here either, but I had to protect my home, whether it be from aliens or not."
"Didn't think I'd be leading in an alien war myself."
There was a pause. Eye contact lost. James went back to scanning the room, to peeking at Keith once again regarding the flowers in his lap. Then the bandage around his head, the scar on his face. There were probably others he couldn't see either, ones that he’d never know about.
Fucking Voltron, fucking Galra empire. The Keith he remembered seemed so far away, ages ago completely unlike 4 years ago. That boy was gone yet still here, and now he could disappear again. James balled up his fists and took a shaky breath.
"You're an amazing pilot. An amazing leader. Just. Take more care of yourself."
James knew Keith was looking at him again but he couldn't look back.
"Don't get yourself hurt like this again."
"I'll be fine. I'm not alone."
"Keith, I thought you died when they pulled you guys out of there. You guys were more banged up than the MFEs."
"Look, I know. But some things are worth the risk-"
That's it. Anger, grief, love all climbing its way back up. James stepped closer to the hospital bed, into Keith's space.
"I know there are things only Voltron can do but you have more than enough allies to avoid getting this fucked up again. The Blades, rebels, Atlas, and the MFE pilots. And if you're trying to put the mission over your life again you have no idea how fucked up that is. For your friends and especially for me."
He was shaking again and he couldn't stop. Breathing heavy from talking and letting all that shit out for once. Kinkade said he always blew up far after anything stressful. He was always right. Keith was looking at him, unreadable expression but stunned.
"James, I-"
His eyes shot back up at Keith's face. His body moving before his mind, leaning over the bed reaching for Keith's face, who now looked more shocked than anything. James pressed his lips against Keith's, too clumsy and guarded to even be called a kiss. Breaking away only for a split second to kiss him again, much softer and Keith was less in shock, more receptive.
James separated from Keith. His mind finally caught up with the rest of his body. With what he done
"Fuck," he stepped away from the bed. Keith started to look less bewildered and oddly more calm than himself. A pale hand reaching out to him.
"James wait, you didn't do anything wrong. We can-"
He was about to freak out and he has to leave. He couldn't stay here. Everything he put in place to hide that feeling, that emotion, slipped away.
"I'm so sorry Keith, that wasn't- I didn't mean to," He stumbled away, wondering how the fuck was he going to calm down. "I have to leave." He harshly turned away, not even allowing himself to look back. The door hissed open and he practically ran out. Turning the corner out of the paladin's quarters and pressing the ever-loving shit out of the button for the elevator.
"Come on, come on." He said, anxiously tapped his foot, the elevator was dinging slowly as it ascended to his floor.
The elevator whooshed open with a ding, revealing its passenger: Captain Shirogane.
"C-captain," James did what he considered the sorriest salute since he enrolled.
Captain Shirogane nodded but waved the salute away; he still wasn't used to the formalities, he was pretty sure Shirogane hated it actually. James dropped his salute with relief. He slipped past Shirogane and into the elevator down.