Archive of Our Own ^beta

Octavia waited until they finished their clandestine meeting of what to do with the last of the human race. She tried not to be too hurt by being shut out of the discussion. But no matter how much she tried to justify their decision to not include her, it never made her feel any better about it. She had been a leader for a time. And she had been their friend once. For whatever good that did her. Maybe she had a lot to atone for, but she figured that so did they. At least, in her book.

So she waited, rather impatiently, for the decision to be made without her. As the door opened and her former friends piled out one by one, she waited once more. Until it was just Bellamy, Clarke and Madi left.

“So, what’s the verdict.” She tried to comment as casually as possible.

“It seems that cryo-freeze is the only real option. Since there’s no way to feed and support over four hundred people for ten years.” Clarke answered.

Octavia nodded, because it did make sense.

“And then what? Revisit everything ten years from now.” She leaned against the wall as her eyes searched her brother, then Madi and finally settled on Clarke.

Clarke shrugged. “I don’t like it either. We’re going to wake up with the same problems as we have now. Nothing has been solved. We have a lot of trust to rebuilt…” She glanced at Bellamy before her eyes settled on Octavia again. “And there’s the matter of the prisoners….Diyoza and Graveyard’s people...and there’s Diyoza’s pregnancy and my mom’s addiction. And Kane and Gaia. So many things could go wrong still.”

“And yet, it is the best option we have.” Madi stated. “You heard Raven talk about the technology behind it, and you agreed that it would be the most viable solution. The rest of the problems aren’t today’s problems.”

Octavia rolled her eyes. “Right. Ten years. We won’t be any wiser then. Or even older.”

Bellamy huffed. “And what would you have us do?”

She raised her hands in surrender. “Hey, I don’t disagree with your decision. I just understand Clarke’s aversion to it. We’ll wake up with what’s left of humanity and go back to what’s left of Earth...and nothing will really have changed at all. There will still be hatred, and betrayal, and sickness and addiction and possible food shortages. Same problems different year.”

“Every single survivor knows how close we’ve come to extinction for the second or third time. We know what’s at stake. We understand what our hatred and anger and selfishness has done to us in the past...I’d hope that everyone would be more willing to hope for peace in the future.” Bellamy argued.

Clarke sighed as she reached for Madi and held her close to her. “I think that peace starts with forgiveness, Bellamy. You offered that forgiveness to me, don’t you think Octavia deserves the same?”

Octavia’s eyes widened as she stared at Clarke. It wasn’t long ago that the blonde had tried to kill her. And then she responded in kind. They had a long way to go to get to where they were, and Octavia hadn’t realized that Clarke had already started on the road to redemption.

When Bellamy didn’t respond, Clarke continued.

“I forgive you, Bellamy. For betraying me and making Madi the commander. I forgive you for putting me in a position where I had to choose between my friends and my family. And I forgive you for blaming me for making you leave Earth without me six years ago.” She touched Bellamy’s arm as she spoke. Then she turned toward Octavia. She was further away from her so she didn’t reach out to her, but her words were soft and sincere. “I forgive you for trying to kill me and Madi. And I forgive you for what you had to do in the bunker to survive...it isn’t my place to judge, and my mom told me what happened. I know you don’t need my forgiveness for that, because I wasn’t there and you don’t owe me anything...but I wanted you to know that I don’t blame you and that you are allowed to forgive yourself, Octavia.”

Octavia took a ragged breath as she willed herself not to cry.

“Also, I want to say that I am sorry to both of you. For betraying you. I know we all had our reasons to do what we did, and that to us they were all justified. So it’s important that we put the hurt and betrayal and all that anger and sadness aside...because if we’re going to get through this...we need to do it together. It’s always been the three of us. It needs to be that way again. I’ll do my part to make it right with Monty and Raven and the others as well. I owe them that.”

Clarke detangled herself from Madi and walked toward Octavia, then she hugged her tightly. “And thank you, for making sure my mom got on the ship. I can’t tell you what it means to me...just...thank you.”

Octavia let herself relax in Clarke’s embrace. It had been so long since anyone touched her out of kindness and concern. She couldn’t remember the last time she had human contact in any meaningful way at all and it took all she had not to crumble at the significance of it.

“I…” She stuttered and took a calming breath before continuing. “I’m sorry...for so many things. I’m sorry for…”

She trailed off because she didn’t know how to put into words what she really meant to say. Sorry that I held a grudge about TonDC and about Lexa and Polis and everything that I blamed you for. I’m sorry I never understood how heavy the burden of leadership truly was. I’m sorry I didn’t realize the pain that came with those decisions. The haunting and nightmares you must be plagued with because I know I am. I’m sorry that I never really knew just how similar we are and that I thought I could do better and still failed.

Clarke’s grip tightened around her as if she heard all of Octavia’s thoughts and

accepted the eternal plea of forgiveness. Before she could sink further into Clarke’s arms, the blonde stepped away. She glanced at Bellamy and then at Octavia again.

“I’m going to help the others spread the word and then assist Raven with the process.” She took Madi’s hand in her own and they started to walk away.

“Wait.” Bellamy announced into the silence of the room.

They paused as a unit, so in sync.

“I'm sorry I betrayed you. And I'm sorry I risked Madi's life to do it." His eyes bore into hers. "And thank you, Clarke. For not making me leave without the others. I wouldn’t have been able to survive doing that again...I’m sorry I left you. I didn’t want to...I….”

Clarke smiled sadly. “I know, Bellamy. You did what I would have done...what I wanted you to do. I never blamed you for leaving me. And I’m glad we got to save the others.”

Then she left. Octavia watched them walk away until they were out of sight, then she turned her attention onto her big brother. He wiped tears from his eyes, but the tracks left behind streaked down his cheeks. She knew better than to mention it. Crying wasn’t weakness. It was human. And they needed all the humanity they had left to endure what was to come.

“I…” He looked panicked. Or maybe just at a loss for words. “We have both hurt each other so much and we have a long way to go to get back to where we were. I tried to understand where you were coming from...what made you do the things you did...but the truth is...I can’t understand because I wasn’t there. And I’m sorry for that. Not that I think things would have been better if I was there, but because I hate that you went through so much alone. I don’t understand and someday maybe you can help me. But I don’t need to understand to know that I have no justification to judge you. I wasn’t there and you were. I can’t keep holding that against you, and I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry that I put you in the pits to die.”

“I’m sorry I poisoned you.”

“I’m sorry that I made you feel that it was the only choice.”

“I’m sorry I ever considered it a choice.”

Octavia smirked darkly. “I’m sorry I hated your girlfriend.”

He raised an eyebrow.” Past tense.”

“She proved her worth, and her loyalty.”

He smiled slightly. “I’m sorry Clarke and I killed your... friend.”

Her mouth dropped. “Cooper and I weren’t...she…”

“You and Niylah then…”

“No.” She raised an eyebrow at his line of questioning. “Did you know that Clarke and Niylah were a thing once?”

This time his smirk dropped and his eyebrows flew skyward. “Really? Huh.”

“That’s all you have to say?”

“It’s just...I kind of figured that Clarke and Lexa were...you know...exclusive. When was she with Niylah?”

She shook her head and raised a teasing brow. “Jealous?”

“No. I just…”

“You’re just curious.”

He nodded then his head tilted curiously as he studied her. “Why were you and Niylah talking about Clarke?”

She figured that she couldn’t hide the crimson that must have been painting her cheeks, and she didn’t trust her voice to remain steady, so she sighed loudly and shook her head. Then she cleared her throat as she turned away from him.

“We should see what needs to be done yet. I’m sure they could use the help.” She told him as she started to walk down the hallway.

He jogged to keep up with her. “You’re really trying to curb this conversation for the next ten years?”

She shrugged. “Figured when we wake up in ten years, you will have forgotten.”

“Right.”

“Look, six years is a long time. Okay. And a lot of things happened...but there was also a lot of down time to think. About everything that had gotten me to where I was. To miss you all. Time to grieve Lincoln. To wonder about peace and love and a happy ending. Time to dwell on so many mistakes even before the dark year. So, yeah, Niylah and I talked. I learned a lot.”

“A lot…” He raised his voice at the end tauntingly.

“Not like that. I told you, Niylah and I never...did that.”

“But Niylah did that...with Clarke.”

She didn’t want to dignify that with a response.

“I wonder...now that the war is done and Clarke is no longer Mama Bear crazy...if they’ll revisit... that .” Bellamy wondered out loud.

It made Octavia stop in her tracks. “You know...watching Clarke with Madi...I know we all gave her hell for the things she’s done since this whole thing started. And I know that she regrets a lot of the things she’s done as well. But when you see those two together, when you watch them. The love that they have for each other is so pure. Think about it, Bell. You and I are the only ones that know what it’s like to have a sibling. No one else gets it. They will never understand our connection. But the next generations, they will be able to have that. Madi will be able to have siblings, maybe. Or in the very least, your kids will. And Monty’s and Harper’s. And God forbid, Murphy and Emori." The last sentence was said with a teasing smirk. "Kids will be born for the first time since we got to Earth the first time...we will actually get to repopulate the Earth. We will get to start all over again...be better this time. We can be better this time. Not just for us. But for kids like Madi and everyone who comes afterward.”

Bellamy’s whole face softened and his eyes lit up with an emotion that she hadn’t seen there in a while. Adoration maybe. Love. Hope. Happiness. Maybe it was all of them or none of them. Maybe what she saw was a reflection of what she was feeling. Because she felt those things herself. Almost. And the thought that it was possible to feel anything at all again was startling to her. She hadn’t lied when she told him that she was already dead. But in this moment, she had started to feel alive again. She started to believe again.

“Better.” He he repeated as he smiled with his cockeyed grin that she used to associate with cockiness. Today it meant forgiveness. And that was infinitely better. “I like the sound of that. Clean slates. For us all.”

She shook her head. “Not a full clean slate. Sure, everyone gets a free pass to prove that we were worth saving. But the slate isn’t clean. We carry with us the sins of our past and the knowledge and wisdom that comes with those mistakes.”

“See...you’re already sounding wiser, and it didn’t take ten years in cryo-freeze to get there.”

“And now you’re just being a dick.” She spat out at him petulantly.

He chuckled and the sound brought a smile to her face.

“Speaking of Madi though, she truly is a good kid. She’s already a great leader. We may have been upset with Clarke’s motivations these past weeks, but she has done right by Madi. And yeah, a lot of it may be the Commanders in her head, but I know that just as much comes from Clarke and the things she taught her.”  Bellamy told her fondly. “I think, ten years from now, even if we have a lot of rebuilding to do, that we will all be okay.” His fond smile turned to that of concern. “Are you okay with giving up the role of Commander? Now that all is said and done...do you regret it?”

She shook her head. “I regret a lot of things. But bowing to Madi isn’t one of them. You’re right about her. She’s the best of both worlds. She possesses the wisdom and foresight of all the Commanders. But the heart and compassion of Clarke.”

“Then we will be in good hands, I think. And you, me, and Clarke can finally just...be. I’m sick of fighting and leading and saving the whole of mankind. I hate having to decide to who lives and who dies. I hate having to live with the consequences of it.”

“Me too.”

“And perhaps, more than either of us...Clarke deserves a break to just live.”

“Madi told me...she mentioned that in Clarke’s stories to her…” Octavia closed her eyes to gather her thoughts. Her words weren’t coming out right. “Clarke told her that living had to be more than just surviving. And I think I’m ready for that.”

He nodded wordlessly in agreement. Then Bellamy started to walk again. So Octavia followed him.

It didn’t take long to get everyone on board with their latest plan for survival. And soon, almost everyone was in their cryo-chambers and safely asleep. Octavia watched

as Clarke hugged Madi and kissed her on the forehead before she pushed the button and froze Madi.

Bellamy had said his goodbye to Echo and just moments ago, came to give Octavia a hug and tell her he loved her. He was currently frozen in a peaceful slumber now as well. Besides Octavia, only Clarke, Monty and Harper remained. Octavia took a deep breath and climbed on her cold slab of a bed. As she lay down she couldn’t help the panic that overtook her body and she started to breathe irregularly. Before she could calm herself down, Clarke was at her side.

“Are you okay?”

Octavia shook her head frantically and sat up as she tried to catch her breath. She felt Clarke rub calming circles on her back. Then she focused on the warmth of Clarke’s other hand on her thigh. After slowly counting up to fifty and back down to one, she started to feel herself calm. It was then that she noticed that Clarke was humming some kind of lullaby to her and she let it wash over her.

“I don’t think I can do it again.” She admitted quietly several minutes later.

Clarke frowned and looked at her in confusion. “Do what again?”

“It’s like...under the floor. And then...under the ground. I can’t get locked up again, Clarke. I can’t.”

Clarke’s eyes widened in recognition and she squeezed Octavia’s leg with her hand. It was meant to be comforting, but it also brought so many other things to the surface. So many things that Octavia also wasn’t ready for. Wasn’t sure she could do again.

“Do you want me to wake Bellamy?”

“No.”

“I…” Clarke looked pained. “I can stay with you.”

“But you don’t want to.” Octavia surmised.

“It’s not you, Octavia.” She sighed. “I spent six years with only one person in the entire world, and it’s hard. It nearly broke me. That’s why I told her so many stories about all of you. To keep you alive...to not feel as alone as I really was. And in the end, Madi became everything to me. But now, she isn’t just mine anymore….as the Commander, she belongs to all of us. And I…”

“You can’t do it again.” Octavia basically repeated her own words.

Clarke released a broken laugh. “We’re quite the pair, aren’t we? Do you think we’re too far lost to be saved?”

Octavia shook her head. “I can’t think that. I need to believe that there’s hope for us.” She rested her hand on top of Clarke’s. “You have always been one of the best people I have ever known, Clarke. I know a lot has changed...but that hasn’t. We may have been lost in the darkness...but there is a light.”

“Madi?”

“Her. And each other. And our friends. We didn’t lose all of our humanity, Clarke. We we close. But...we’re on a ship with our enemies, because we chose the survival of mankind over our own fear and hatred. We may have destroyed the valley...but we were able to save ourselves. And that’s something.”

“Hey...what’s up? Why aren’t you guys asleep yet?” Monty asked as he approached them.

Harper followed closely behind. They didn’t look like either of them had any indication to go into cryo-freeze. Octavia narrowed her eyes at them.

“Why aren’t you?”

They shared a look with each other, but Harper was the one who replied. “We...ten years from now...things won’t be so different, you know? And maybe we’ll go right back to being at war with each other as soon as we all get back to Earth. We just...we wanted to enjoy some time together, in peace. Before it all ends.”

She couldn’t help smirking. “You really are like real life Adam and Eve, aren’t you?”

They held hands.

Monty didn’t smile back; his tone was determined and full of contentment. “We simply found something worth living for. Not just fighting for.”

“I’m scared.” Octavia admitted. “I...enclosed places…I….”

Maybe it was the first time in forever that she let herself feel vulnerable, but it didn’t make her feel as weak as she would have assumed. And her quiet admittance made both Monty and Harper soften toward her.

“I’m sorry I destroyed your farm, Monty. And that I ruined Eden for you.” She told him honestly.

She wanted to also explain things to him. Explain how she needed to escape the darkness. The ghosts that haunted her dreams and her waking moments. How ' all of me for all of you' literally destroyed her. Because she did give all of herself to save them. Not only had they survived the dark year because she sold her soul, but people still died and she still couldn’t save them. And she didn’t want to live in that place any more, even if they had rebuilt the farm and could survive on it. Because the ghosts still dwelt there. And the horrible, ' what ifs?' plagued her mind. What if it had all been for nothing? What if the farm was destroyed again? Could she go back to ordering her people to eat the dead? No, she couldn’t. She knew that.

“And yet...you want to survive for the next several years on my algae?” He asked curiously.

“I...I know that I told you that farmers wouldn’t save the world...but the truth is, you and Harper were the only ones in this whole mess that never once lost yourselves. You...you saved the world and you don’t even know it.”

His brows furrowed. “How?”

“You reminded the rest of us that it is better to live for something than to die for it. That maintaining your dignity in the face of death is more noble and brave than dying heroically for a lost cause. I realized that...in the end. When I...I tried to sacrifice myself for what was left of my people. I was ready to do the right thing. And not to be a hero or anything...but because I thought that they deserved to live far more than I did.”

Clarke turned her hand over and weaved her fingers through Octavia’s as their linked hands rested on Octavia’s thigh. The brunette glanced down at their hands and smiled to herself. It felt right. Strangely and scarily right.

“I’m glad you lived.” Clarke whispered quietly.

“Me too.” Harper admitted.

“Me too.” Monty added with a small smile.

“If you don’t mind being a third wheel to Adam and Eve, you are welcome to join us in the land of the living.” Harper told her.

Octavia glanced at Clarke. She knew it was selfish to ask. And she didn’t want to make Clarke feel obligated. But she would be lying if she said she didn’t want Clarke to join her. The thought of spending the next several years with just these three was rather enticing. Three of her favorite people. Three of the kindest people. The three who would be most likely to help her restore her soul. It would be all she could ever ask for. So she knew that she would never ask it.

“What do you plan to do with yourselves for the next ten years?” Clarke asked with a raised eyebrow.

Harper blushed and Monty coughed awkwardly. Octavia’s eyes widened. Well, if that were the case, then she definitely would prefer Clarke to join her. Then a wholly indecent image crossed her mind and she flushed as well.

“You could also use some of that time, to draft up a possible contingency plan for when we get to Earth. Or maybe...we could find a different….more hospitable planet that we didn’t have to wait ten years for.” Clarke suggested in a way that made it sound like she planned to be part of that process.

“You mean...beyond our solar system?” Monty asked with wide eyes. “That’s brilliant, actually. We wouldn’t have to wait ten years if we found something sooner.”

“Can you imagine...a whole new world? One of our own creating?” Harper beamed. But then her smile dimmed. “What if we destroy that world, too. I’d hate to be responsible for the destruction of two worlds.”

“Technically, we destroyed one world twice. So…” Clarke mused.

“That’s why we’d make this one better. We’d be better. Clarke’s right, we need a contingency plan. Our own Declaration of Independence as it were. We’ve each experienced the end of the world. I know I played my own part in ensuring it come to past.” She replied gravely. “Who better to hammer out the mistakes that we don’t want to repeat. One who survived underground, two who survived in the sky, and one who

survived on the ground. We each have very different and very important things to share.” Octavia stated.

Monty and Harper nodded.

“Should we wake Madi, too? The insight of every single Commander would be good to have. As well as the fact that she is the chosen Commander now.” Clarke offered.

Octavia considered it. “How about we find the habitable place first? Then we wake her so she can help us draft our plan for the new world.” She held Clarke’s gaze. “And afterwards, we all step back and let it be. We’ve been forced to lead for far too long. Let’s do it this one last time and then...just live.”

The other three nodded in unison. Octavia tried not to be giddy about the fact that Clarke had, in essence, decided to join her and stay awake. She had a chance to spend time with Clarke. To relearn her. To get Clarke to understand what she now knew to be true...that they had so much to teach each other. To learn from each other. To discuss with each other. She had time to get Clarke to realize that Octavia wholeheartedly forgave her. To get her to see how similar they truly were. Octavia had realized somewhere along the way, that she had blamed Clarke for all the wrong reasons. She had had time to think about what Clarke truly meant to her. And what that could mean for them. Because in all of the days under the ground, that is what she dwelt on. And now she understood why. And now, she had time to get Clarke to see it, too.

The first week alone on the ship was a bit awkward as the four of them got re-acquainted with each other. Octavia wasn’t the only one who did damage to her friendships. Clarke had done a pretty hefty number on her own as well. So the days were strained. They talked about the task at hand and little else at first. They did, however, always eat dinner together: Monty’s algae. It wasn’t Octavia’s favorite thing in the world, but she also ate human flesh before so who was she to judge?

The second week went a bit smoother. At dinner time, on the fourth day, they actually attempted actual conversation with each other.

“So...if we actually find a new planet...what are we going to name it?” Monty asked conversationally.

“You can pick the name...I want to name the moon or the sun.” Octavia told him with excitement. “So many possibilities….”

“I get to name the city we establish then.” Harper commented.

“What about you, Clarke? What do you want to name?” Monty asked her.

“I never got to say this before...but I...I missed you guys.” Clarke stated calmly as she completely upended the conversation. “I know that you thought I was dead, but I...I never stopped thinking about you guys. I radioed every single day for six years. And...Octavia...I also tried to dig down to you guys. I...I never forgot you.”

“Oh, Clarke….” Harper cooed as she rushed to Clarke’s side and held her.

Octavia wrapped her arm around Clarke and held her from the other side.

“We never forgot about you either, Clarke. We...part of mine and Monty’s desire to choose peace and love and live rather than merely survive was because we wanted to be worthy of your sacrifice. We wanted to do what you were never able to do.”

Octavia felt sick to her stomach realizing that Abby had been right all those years ago; that Clarke had been trying to get in. She had forgotten about that moment, so many things had happened since. But she remembered it now, and it nearly broke her all over again.

They sat in silence for awhile. Maybe all of them were reliving something. Or remembering something. Or trying to forget something.

“I would like to name...I don’t know, the first body of water we see. Or the first mountain.” Clarke said after a long time.

“You can name them all, Clarke. Whatever you want.” Harper whispered through a smile.

The rest of dinner went by with amicable chatter, and Octavia sensed that the other three had felt instantly lighter as well. She only hoped that she could, too. But she had trouble sleeping that night, so she went out to wander the ship. As she stood by the window and took in the view of the remnants of Earth, she felt a warm presence beside her. Although she refused to tear her eyes away from the sight.

“I think it might actually take the entire ten years to feel whole again.” Clarke’s voice was beside her. “I think tonight was a good start though. There is so much that we all left unsaid, I’m sick of misunderstandings and unspoken truths. Wouldn’t it be best to clear the air now instead of weeks or months from now?”

Octavia felt her chest get heavy. What was there to say? So much? But did she have enough words?

“I thought a lot about a lot of things.” Octavia started quietly as she turned to face Clarke, but she couldn’t look her in the eye yet. “You were one of the first people I’d ever meant that didn’t treat me like some fragile thing or dirty secret...or criminal or outcast...or whatever I felt like for the first sixteen years of my life. And you...the way you took charge and people actually listened to you. I always admired you, Clarke. You saved Lincoln and Jasper and so many people….I think I got so used to you saving us all, that when you couldn’t...I...I blamed you. You fell off of this impossible pedestal I kept you on, and it was never fair to you.”

She steadied her breath and raised her eyes to meet Clarke’s. It momentarily startled her when she saw unshed tears maring the blue eyes that stared back at her.

“I blamed you when what I was really upset with was that I felt betrayed by you and hurt, really hurt, by you. You were going to let me die. And I understand why. I get it. I do. But it hurt. And then, you also chose Lexa. The one who betrayed us...the one who was going to let us all die. The one who made you make that impossible choice at Mount  

Weather, and then when you couldn’t deal with the consequences--you left us. You left me. And the next time I saw you again...you were with her.”

She was rambling and she knew it. She doubted any of it made sense to anyone other than her.

“And I get it. I know you loved her. I don’t know why. But I don’t need to. Love is love and it’s not like you can choose who you love. I mean, why else would Bell choose Echo?”

Clarke let out a watery breath that was somewhere between a sigh and a laugh.

“Echo isn’t so bad. She’s...scary and intense. But she's good at what she does and she is loyal, which is amazing when she’s on your side. She could give you a good run for the money in combat…”

“Hey now. That’s a sore subject. She tossed me off a cliff and left me for dead, in case you forgot.”

Clarke’s eyes widened briefly. “Right, sorry.” She smiled in a way that turned sardonically dark. “And...I mean, she is hot. She does that that going for her.”

Octavia rolled her eyes. “I think you have a type. Hot brunette, traitor grounders.”

Clarke pointed at her. “See, you admit that she’s hot.”

“I have eyes, Clarke.”

“You do. And you also have a type. Hot, misunderstood broody men.”

“Lincoln wasn’t broody.”

“Okay, the strong silent type then.”

“Besides, Niylah isn’t brunette. Nor was she a traitor.” Clarke challenged.

“No, she is one of the good ones.” Octavia admitted. “When we wake everyone else up...when we have a real shot at peace for the first time ever...are you going to try to work things out with Niylah. She still cares about you.”

Clarke shook her head. “Pretty sure that her feelings have changed. I let a lot of people down. I know that I disappointed her as well.”

“I think...you could fix things if you wanted to. You didn’t screw up as badly as you think.”

Clarke glared at her. “Right.”

“I just meant...look, I spoke to Diyosa briefly. She...isn’t actually so horrible and I wish I had listened to you about making peace with her. I wished I listened about a lot of things actually. Anyway, I told her that Eden didn’t stand a chance with two serpents vying for the garden. And it’s true...we destroyed the valley just like you warned me I would. And I...maybe I’m not the devil, but I'm also not a saint. I know you and a lot of people have a lot of reasons to hate me…”

“I don’t hate you.”

Octavia playfully growled at her to let her know that she wanted to finish her speech.

“I also told Bellamy once...when he said that he poisoned me because he tried to save me from myself...I told him that I was already dead. If you feel about yourself half as badly as I feel about myself...then I wanted to tell you, that you're not the monster you think you are. We both have a lot to be sorry for. A lot to fix and a lot to forgive. But…”

She took Clarke’s hand in hers. “Bellamy said you left after the attack on Mount Weather because you couldn’t look at the faces of the people everyday, knowing what you did to keep them alive. I feel that way, too...about my people. About Wonkru. I get it. And he told you that if you needed permission to forgive yourself...that he forgave you. Well, I forgive you, Clarke. I forgive you for all the things you think you’ve done and for all the things I blamed you for that you didn’t do wrong.”

Clarke squeezed her hand. “We really aren’t so different, are we? You and I. I think we clashed so much because we both had impossibly high standards for ourselves and for each other.”

“We didn’t clash that much. Only when you did something epically stupid.” Octavia gave her a cheeky grin.

Clarke bit her lip to try to contain her own smile. “I always did like it better when we were on the same side. I lead with my heart and Bellamy led with his head. And then we sort of switched positions a few times. But you...you never wavered. You were the moral compass. I...I want to explain a few things to you. So you understand. I tried to save people at TonDC, I wanted to save people. I wanted to...but then I saw my mom and we argued and then...it happened so fast and....”

“Ok, I…” She saw the plea in Clarke’s eyes. “I understand.”

“And Lexa...I...when you told me to choose….that if I didn’t meet you and go save our people that I wasn’t the person you thought I was...I did choose our people. I said goodbye to Lexa...we...well, in all honestly, we slept together. We admitted our feelings for each other. And then, I still planned to go with you and save our people. But she got shot, trying to help me. And I couldn’t save her and then it was too late and….”

She now truly understood. Did the knowledge make her feel any better? Not really. And she didn’t dare admit to knowing why. She wasn’t that brave yet. Not even if she would only be admitting it to herself.

“I always hated that you looked at me differently after that. That you thought I wasn’t the person you thought I was. And ever since then...I kept making mistakes when it came to you. At least, in your opinion. First with the conclave and Skaikru’s coup. I tried to make things better...to be better with Madi. But...I don’t like the person I've become, Octavia. The things I was willing to do to save her. The people I was willing to let die to save her.”

“I’ve seen the way you are with her. You raised her well, Clarke. You may think you screwed everything up, but you didn’t. Not with her.”

Clarke swallowed thickly and nodded curtly.

“When you and Bell came down from the sky...to save us...to take us out of the rubble. It was a reminder of how far I knew I had fallen. You came into the darkness and shined a light on all of my sins and it was hard to face. The things we had done...that I had to do...I know that you think you weren’t the person I thought you were and that you let me down….but I was scared of the same thing. I was scared of all that we had done being laid bare to you and my brother and...I was scared of the way you would look at me if you knew.”

“I have to admit, when mom first told me...it...I didn’t handle it well. But Madi...she understood. She...you’re still her favorite, you know. I think she likes you more than me at this point. Anyway...she helped me see that you took their choice so that they didn’t have to live with that burden. You bore it so they didn’t have to, and the truth is, I can’t say that I wouldn’t have done the same thing in your place, Octavia.”

Octavia hadn’t realized how much she longed to hear those words. To not get absolution from her perceived sins, but to be understood. She hadn’t dared to hope for it. And now that the words came out of Clarke’s mouth, she let them wash over her. They cleansed her to her soul. Perhaps she wasn’t a monster. Perhaps, she wasn’t the villain or broken or even beyond forgiveness. Perhaps, she was simply a human who made mistakes and tried to survive. And just maybe, it was okay to be imperfect.

She chanced at glance at Clarke and sighed in relief when she saw nothing but understanding and admiration in her eyes. No revolution or hatred or anything she had previously feared. And that was when she felt hope grow inside of her. That was when she allowed herself to believe not just in a better world, but in love and peace and happiness for herself within that new world.

They stood in silence for Octavia didn’t know how long. Sometime along the way, they had closed the gap between them and they stood in a tight embrace. Clarke’s arms wrapped securely around Octavia’s waist felt like home in a way she hadn’t imagined before. And as she rested her cheek on Clarke’s shoulder, she sighed with contentment.

“This is how I should have greeted you weeks ago. Because, believe it or not, I really was happy to see you, Clarke.” Octavia breathed out against Clarke’s neck and caused the other girl to shiver.

“So...we weren’t intending to eavesdrop, I swear.” Monty’s voice startled them out of their reverie and Octavia was surprised to realize it was morning now. “We noticed your beds were already empty, so we came to check on you.”

Harper rushed in to join them in a group hug. “And we may have heard most of the conversation...but we’re so glad we did. I didn’t realize what it was like for either of you. This whole time. Not just the last six years...but since we landed on Earth the first time.”

Monty approached them warily. “I have to admit, I was worried about what peace would look like for you guys, because you’ve had to do nothing but fight and kill for

years. And I get it now, I think you want peace even more than me and Harper. And I know that if you guys feel that way, after all we’ve been through...so will the others. I think for the first time in a long time, I really believe that things will be okay. Like more than okay. I think we can get what you talked about, Octavia. The better world. I can’t wait to start this new world with you.”

“Speaking of new world...I’ve been waiting to announce this because none of us were in a good place and I was scared to admit the truth...but I’m not scared anymore.” Harper smiled. “I’m pretty sure that I’m pregnant.”

“What?!” Clarke and Octavia screamed together with excitement.

Octavia slapped at Monty playfully. “Way to go, stud.”

Clarke laughed as did Harper. Monty blushed and ducked his head.

“Congratulations. Truly. I can’t think of better people in the entire universe who are more deserving of a child.” Clarke told them happily. “Madi will get to have a little cousin. Or something, right? Like...I get to be Aunt Clarke.”

Harper smiled. “Yes. Aunt Clarke and Aunt Octavia. And Aunt Raven, god, I can’t wait to tell Raven!”

“Madi and little baby Green won’t be all that far about, age-wise, by the time we wake everyone up. They will get to grow up together. That’s so cool.” Octavia commented. “I know I keep teasing you guys, but I really am happy you have each other. It’s the one great thing that came out of everything. At least someone deserves a happy ending.”

Harper shared a look with Octavia that made the brunette realize that even if she didn’t admit anything to herself yet, that she wasn’t the best at being subtle about certain things. Apparently. Harper’s eyes met hers then flitted to Clarke with a smirk. Octavia glared at her; which only caused the look on Harper’s face to grow more mischievous.

“So, I say we have a good seven months to figure everything out because after that...no planning world domination or plotting courses to unknown worlds...after our baby is born, we live. Okay? And hopefully, we have a good few years to raise them before we decide to wake everyone up.” Harper told them. “So...that means that now that the two of you have hashed things out...you have seven months to forgive yourselves. Because when you hold my baby...I don’t want any of that darkness left, okay? I want them to only know love and peace. For as long as possible. Capiche?”

Octavia and Clarke nodded. And just as quickly as they appeared, Monty and Harper were gone.

“Well, that got interesting.” Clarke chuckled as she awkwardly stepped away from Octavia.

“I adore Harper, but I fear for our lives when her pregnancy hormones are in full swing.” Octavia grumbled.

“It’s exciting though, don’t you think? Our first baby...like the first one since we’ve

all been to Earth. Crazy to think, huh.”

“I can’t believe that it’s true, but...we’ve been at war pretty much since we landed so no one had time to hope for a family and a quiet life. I love that it’s Monty and Harper that get to be the first. No one deserves it more. Like you said.”

Clarke smiled at her. Then she took her hand in hers and laced their fingers together. “I know it's morning, but I'm tired. You think you can go to sleep now?”

Octavia nodded numbly. She was acutely aware of the way Clarke’s hand felt in hers. And now that Harper saw something that she shouldn’t have in Octavia’s face, she figured it wasn’t worth denying to herself anymore. She cared about Clarke, she always had. But she was willing to admit now that what she felt for Clarke didn't stop at friendship. She squeezed Clarke’s hand and when the blonde looked up and smiled at her, she was a goner. Yup. She was definitely feeling more than friendly things toward Clarke Griffin. And she wasn’t even scared about it anymore. Mostly.

Month 3

Octavia wasn’t sure how it happened, because neither of them had discussed it. But, somehow, a week or two ago, she and Clarke started sharing a bed. She figured that Clarke didn’t want to be alone any more than she did. But whatever the reason, she wasn’t about to complain.

Their proximity made her feel safe. And Clarke’s warmth left a sense of hope fluttering in her chest. She wasn’t strong enough or brave enough to squash that hope yet--so instead, she burrowed further into Clarke and let that hope simmer within her. Let it grow into a spark of...something.

Her movement spurred a reaction from the other girl as the blonde’s arms tightened around her.

“You seem to be just as deprived of human contact as I’ve been.” Octavia mused into the tranquil silence of the dark room.

“Moreso...maybe.” Clarke’s breath hit the shell of Octavia’s ear and caused her to shiver violently.

Clarke responded by further tightening her grip, and Octavia fought the urge to smile.

“How long have you been awake?” She ventured a conversation that wasn’t a debate on which of them was lonelier or had been more broken.

“I usually have trouble sleeping.” Clarke replied, then unnecessarily added, “Nightmares.”

Octavia understood. She had her own demons to fend off. And she had heard Clarke scream in her sleep before. Often since Mount Weather. Her own nightmares had gotten better recently, and she knew why. She thought Clarke’s seemed to as well. Maybe she was wrong.

“It’s been better. I promise.” Clarke assured as if she had read Octavia’s mind again.

“And tonight?”

“I was just thinking. I think I figured it out.”

“What?”

“You.”

Octavia rolled over to face Clarke.

As their eyes locked, she asked, “What do you mean?”

She felt safe enough in the shadows to let her eyes drift to Clarke’s lips momentarily before she caught blue eyes with her own again.

“You figured something out...about me?” She repeated hopefully.

If Clarke said it, then she wouldn’t have to.

“When you were Bloodreina…”

Octavia closed her eyes. She didn’t like where this conversation was already headed. When she felt Clarke’s palm on her cheek, softly caressing the skin there, she sighed breathlessly.

“Octavia, please...look at me.”

She couldn’t help obeying. Clarke’s eyes were filled with determination, but also...adoration? No, that was probably wishful thinking.

“You worked so hard to be strong enough for your people. You let yourself appear uncaring. Unmoving. Unaffected. You let yourself believe that love was weakness. That you were empty inside. Dead inside. You made everyone around you think you were cold and hard-hearted...but you kept the truth deep inside for so many years. To protect it. To guard it.”

Clarke’s thumb grazed her lips and then she turned her hand over and used her knuckles to wipe at tears that Octavia hadn’t realized had fallen.

“But I know the truth now. I think I always had. You weren’t unfeeling...you felt too much. Their hurt was your hurt. Their loss was your loss. You didn’t just bare the burden...you gave them something to fear. Someone to hate, so they didn’t hate themselves. You had to keep it all inside though, in order to survive. But you don’t have to hide anymore, Octavia. Especially from me.”

Clarke finished her observation with a whispered reverence.

“Clarke…”

“All this time you’ve been beating yourself up because of that part of you...the monster you see inside. But that was never you, Octavia. It was the persona you created to withstand it all. A shell that you can shed now.”

“A snake skin.” Octavia smiled wryly. “Two snakes in the valley…”

“Huh?”

Octavia shook her head. “Nothing.”

They stared at each other in the dark, and the comfort of their silence enveloped them. It was like being wrapped in a warm blanket on a cool fall day.

“So…” Octavia was the first to break. “That revelation of yours was worth the loss of sleep?”

Clarke chuckled and rolled her eyes. “ You and your healing are always worth it.”

She said it as if it were easy. Maybe it was. Then she placed a kiss to Octavia’s forehead and let her lips linger there. When she pulled away, all pretenses of a mask had been wiped away and Clarke suddenly looked vulnerable herself.

“I’m trying just as hard to understand how far I fell and it helps when I try to understand the motivations of others. I thought I was right even though everyone I cared about was on the opposite side as me. How did I not see that?”

“Love is only weakness when it blinds you, Clarke. You let your love for Madi stop you from seeing what was always right in front of you.”

Clarke nodded. “Madi even told me that we were on the wrong side. That what was the point of surviving if we had to live with ourselves afterward.”

Octavia bit her lip and furrowed her brows. “She really is the best of us, isn’t she?” Then she smiled proudly at the blonde. “You did good with her, Clarke. I know you think you didn’t. But you did. And I’ll keep saying it until  you believe it.”

Clarke closed her eyes and exhaled shakily. Octavia dared to reach for her. She placed one hand on Clarke’s cheek like the blonde had done for her, and she reached down to intertwine the fingers of her other hand with Clarke’s.

“Thank you.” Clarke whispered as her eyes bore into Octavia’s.

“The way I see it...the only way for each of us to heal, is if we do it together.”

“Together.” Clarke repeated softly.

Octavia watched her as her breathing evened out and her lips curled into a lazy smile. She kept watching the other girl even when she was sure that sleep had claimed her. Eventually, she fell into a peaceful slumber of her own. And unsurprisingly, that night, and all that followed were terror free. She just hoped Clarke’s dreams held the same fate.

Month 5

Clarke rushed into their shared room, flushed with wide eyes as she slammed the door and locked it behind her.

“Don’t ever let Harper and Monty tell you they shower together to conserve water.”

She adorably used finger quotes on the last two words. Octavia burst out laughing at the implication of Clarke’s words.

“Those horny bastards.” She grinned darkly, perversely proud of the two.

Clarke leaned against the door and a smile overtook her features. “Lucky bastards is what they are.” She sighed and walked toward Octavia. “I don’t know why I overreacted. I use the shower for...similar things.”

Octavia’s eyebrows rose to her hairline and her mouth dropped open. Her entire body heated up at the image of Clarke masturbating naked in the shower. She cleared her throat and shook her head of the vivid pictures that were sure to imprint in her mind.

“Who's the prude now, Octavia?” Clarke clicked her tongue disapprovingly.

“I’m not a prude!” The brunette argued.

“Good. Because it is a healthy and perfectly natural thing to do.” Clarke told her haughtily.

It was as if she was scared that Octavia might try to slut shame her, which well--with her own very indecent thoughts was the last thing on the brunette’s mind.

She raised a teasing eyebrow. “Well, Dr. Griffin...are you ordering me to masturbate then?”

Clarke chewed on her lip as her gaze avoided Octavia’s and the blonde blushed beautifully. Just another image Octavia would commit to memory...for later.

“I...ah…” She sputtered shyly and coughed loudly. “Just a point of fact is all.”

Octavia nodded exaggeratingly. “Right...I’ll get right on that.”

Clarke’s blush deepened as she shifted awkwardly from foot to foot.

“I need a haircut!” The blonde blurted out.

Octavia frowned at the swift and awkward change in conversation. She had rather enjoyed flirting with Clarke.

“What?”

Clarke nodded slowly and sighed. “That’s what started this whole…” She gestured wildly. “Anyway, I tried to find Harper to ask if she’d cut my hair because she always does a great job with Monty and…”

“And they were otherwise engaged.” Octavia concluded with a small smile. “I could cut your hair for you. If you want.”

“Really?”

Octavia nodded.

“Great.” Clarke declared as she grabbed a knife that was attached to her belt and handed it to Octavia.

Then she took off her shirt and tossed it on the bed beside the brunette. Octavia stared wide eyed and stunned as Clarke approached her nonchalantly with only her tight jeans and a bra on. She eased Octavia’s legs apart and sat on the floor in the space between them. It took a great deal of effort for Octavia to regain any motor function after that display of unassuming confidence.

She slowed her breathing and hoped the action would simultaneously steady her hands. Then she gingerly placed one trembling hand on Clarke’s shoulder--the warmth of the other girl’s bare skin elicited a rush of warmth to her own core.

“So...just a trim or do you want it chopped off above your shoulders again?” Octavia prayed her voice was at least as strong as her lust. “If you don’t mind my saying, it looks really good shorter.”

She felt Clarke’s shoulders rise as she dispelled a deep breath from below her.

“Short is fine.” Her voice was terse. Clarke glanced at Octavia with a dark, sly smile. “Better for conserving water....”

Octavia choked out a laugh as she slapped Clarke playfully, then she pushed her head away from her so that Clarke was facing forward again.

“Prude.” Clarke chuckled lightly.

“Teasing the girl with scissors might not be the smartest thing you’ve ever done, Princess. ”

She was proud of herself for the call back to the old nickname. And her heart clenched at the memories of a time that seemed forever ago. When not all of their innocence had been lost yet.

“I trust you.”

The simple utterance brought peace to Octavia in a way she had yet to experience. Warmth of a different kind overwhelmed her body.

She cut Clarke’s hair in a comfortable silence; intense concentration on the task at hand. She took special care to get it right. When it was short enough, she felt a sense of pride at doing a good job on it. After she took a moment to study Clarke’s bare skin without being scrutinized, she brushed the remnants of hair off the blonde’s shoulders until she was sure she hadn’t missed a spot. Clarke stood up and shook her hair out, then she ran her hands through the shortened locks. Eventually, she turned toward Octavia with a smile.

“Thanks.”

Octavia scoffed at her. “Don’t thank me yet. You haven’t seen it.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “I still have hair left, I’ll count that as a win.”

“Please. You’d look beautiful regardless.”

The words came out unbidden and she was too proud to take them back. Clarke regarded her strangely, but said nothing in reply. Instead, she brushed off her arms, and ducked down toward Octavia to grab her shirt off the bed. The action gave Octavia an unimpeded view of her bra clad and very ample breasts. She swallowed thickly and averted her eyes...eventually.

“Why don’t you go check if the shower is free. I’ll clean up in here.” Octavia told her.

Clarke stared at her carefully until she silently nodded and put her shirt on just as she left the room. As Octavia swept up the blonde hair, she couldn’t keep her mind from wandering. Clarke was in the shower. Naked. And she was now well aware of the things Clarke did to herself in the shower. Not in detail, unfortunately. But enough to guarantee that sleep would be hard to come by tonight, for entirely different reasons than usual.

Month 6

Things had grown lighter and more playful after the day Octavia cut Clarke’s hair. It was as if something had shifted between them even if it had yet to be defined. They weren’t friends again, not like they used to be. Because they were never playful--they always had the weight of human survival on their hands.

Maybe this is who they would have been, had they met under different circumstances. Had she not been the girl under the floor. Had both not been criminals and sent down as an experiment for those in charge of the human race and its impending doom. This might have been who they’d be if there was no us or them. No grounders or skaikru. This was simply just Clarke Griffin and Octavia Blake. Just two girls. And she had to admit, she liked it. She became addicted to the easy camaraderie between them.

Every shared and pretend look of disgust as they watched Monty fawn over Harper’s growing stomach and the promise of their first child. She relished the more frequent touching. The easy way they sought each other out for innocent contact. A hug. Holding hands. Cuddles at night. Sometimes a fond kiss to the cheek or the temple. She cherished every inside joke between the two of them and oftentimes, the four of them.

Soon she began to crave those tender moments. She enjoyed their shared dinners with her friends as they discussed baby names and gardening and trivial things. She adored the laughter that often overtook them as they all re-learned each other. As they grew together. As their bond strengthened, even stronger than before. On sad days, she thought about how this must have been what Bellamy and the group had achieved for those six years together. It made her a bit jealous. But it also made her understand his devotion to them. How they had become his family. Not a replacement, but an addition. Because it had only been a few months and she was halfway to feeling that way herself. She already knew she’d do anything for these people. And the realization that she wouldn’t have to die for them made her epiphany even more poignant.

“You look lost in thought….want to talk about it or do you want some space?” Clarke’s soft whisper interrupted her thoughts as the blonde stood halfway through the doorway of their room.

Their room. She liked that distinction.

“I wouldn’t mind the company.” She told her.

Clarke made her way across the room and sat beside their on the bed. Then she wrapped her in a one armed hug and let her head fall on Octavia’s shoulder. They sat in silence. Octavia was content in that moment. Well, mostly content.

“I miss Bellamy.”

She felt Clarke’s head nod against her shoulder and her grip around her waist tighten.

“Yeah. I miss Madi. And my mom.” Clarke admitted.

Her whisper, but a breath, hot on Octavia’s exposed neck. She withheld a shiver.

“Do you ever think about waking them up?”

“Often.” Clarke nodded again. “But we’re no closer to a solution. Our ideas for when we reach land are solid, but we still don’t have a place to land yet. We’ve run the calculations every way we could think of. If we were to wake anyone, it should be Raven. She’d know what to do next.”

Octavia swallowed. “Then why haven’t we?”

She knew her answer. And she could guess at Harper’s and Monty’s. But she wanted to hear Clarke’s.

The blonde pulled away from her. Then Clarke brought her legs up on the bed and folded them as she situated herself to face Octavia more fully.

“I’m pretty sure Harper and Monty want to spend at least a few years alone with their baby before we have tough decisions to make again. And honestly…” She sighed. “I like the version of myself I am able to be here...with no one else looking or judging. I feel like it’s allowing me to properly heal. So I can be better for Madi and my mom when it comes time to wake them up.”

Octavia nodded. She figured as much anyway. And she felt the same way.

“It might be selfish on my part, but the thing I’m most looking forward to with little baby Green is having someone who loves me without condition and knows nothing about my past. Only who I’ve become because of it.”

Octavia pulled her legs up to her chest and rested her chin on her knees, then she crossed her hands at her ankles and held them as she listened to Clarke talk.

“Sometimes, I regret telling Madi everything.”

“Why?”

Octavia reached one hand out and took Clarke’s fidgeting hand in her own as she laced their fingers together smoothly.

Clarke shrugged half-heartedly. “I told her the stories to remember all of you. To feel less alone. I made sure you were all the heroes in those stories and I kept a lot about myself out of them. And she called me out on it….but even then...even when I got to rebuild history and tell my story...I was still scared that she’d see me as a monster.”

“You were never a monster, Clarke.” Octavia squeezed her hand as if to emphasize her declaration.

“I couldn’t risk it. Having the only other person on Earth hate me…”

“So you glorified the rest of us.” Octavia bit her lip. “She hero worshipped us, Clarke. I can’t imagine how badly we all let her down when she finally met us. We all tried to kill each other. Her heroes became the villains.”

“Yeah, well..they say you should never meet your heroes.” Clarke rolled her eyes self-deprecating as she laughed humorlessly. “Honestly, I doubted I’d ever see any of you again. So I gave her something to believe in. I hoped to instill virtue and a moral compass. I didn’t think it’d matter that good always triumphed over evil in the stories; even though it can be untrue in real life. I also gave her a clear cut lesson on right and wrong with no room for gray. I didn’t think she’d need it. I prayed she wouldn’t need it.”

“And yet...you trained her. To hunt. To fight.” Octavia stated. Not in judgement, but more as a question as to why.

“Hope for the best...prepare for the worst?” Clarke shrugged. “But really it was to make Madi happy. She heard all of those stories and she’s a kid who wanted to act it out. You were a warrior...so...she wanted to be one, too. She wanted to be like you. Ironically, I was stuck playing all the villains anyway.”

Octavia grinned. “I really was her favorite.”

“Are.” Clarke corrected.

Octavia bounced almost excitedly on the bed. And Clarke rolled her eyes at her in faux exasperation.

“It was rather annoying sometimes.”

“And the other times?” Octavia breathed out anxiously. Quietly.

“The other times...most of the time...it was nice talking about you. Remembering you. It was nice to think of us when he had been friends instead of what we had become in the end.”

Octavia shooted closer to Clarke, re-adjusted her legs so that they fell off the side of the bed again and gave her the opportunity to pull Clarke closer to her.

“We were always friends, Clarke. I always cared a great deal about you. That’s why it always hurt so much.”

Clarke nodded. She let herself fall into Octavia’s embrace. Once again, her head rested on the brunette’s shoulder.

“Plus, any mistakes you believe you made with Madi...just don’t repeat them next time.”

Clarke’s eyes widened as she lifted her head from Octavia’s shoulder and gazed at her with fascination.

“Next time?”

Octavia realized the reason for Clarke’s alarm. But she nodded anyway. She liked to imagine Clarke raising children. She already proved good at it. And the thought of a little Clarke running around in their new world...it was exhilarating. A precocious child full of questions and eyes alight with wonder. It was almost easier to imagine a little Clarke than it was to imagine a small version of herself. Although, that image wasn’t altogether unappealing. She just hadn’t had a lot of practice with Madi, the way Clarke had, on account of having tried to kill her and all. Perhaps, baby Green would be her chance to practice. To try it out before…

Before what? She didn’t dare conceptualize it. But the thought took root in her mind and she knew she’d likely revisit it often.

“Octavia? Who in this god forsaken world do you envision me having kids with?” Clarke asked playfully, but with some amount of interest.

And in that moment, she never rooted for Bellamy and Echo’s enduring happiness harder. Because, she was finally ready to admit that she possibly wanted Clarke for herself. Maybe.

“John Murphy. Of course.” Octavia teased back.

“ God. Float me now.” Clarke groaned.

Octavia laughed.

“He really isn’t that bad. I mean...he’s like some sort of infectious disease that doesn’t go away but eventually...you learn to live with it.” Clarke stated with a fond smile that caused Octavia to laugh harder.

“Oh, I know.” Clarke snapped her fingers as her eyes lit up with mirth. “He’s a hemorrhoid. A literal pain in the ass.” Clarke continued clearly amused by her own diatribe.

“I know you kind of admire the guy. He is Madi’s second favorite after all.” Octavia told her when she recovered enough from her laughing fit.  Her smile remained firmly in place though.

“Urgh. I think that was her rebellious phase. Girls love bad boys after all. Even smart and independent girls.” Clarke admitted wryly.

‘You really do have a type, Clarke. You like the same kind of girls as you do boys.”

“And what type is that again?”

“Not so much unattainable as...impractical.” She frowned. “That’s still not the word. What I’m trying to say...Finn...was a cheater. My brother is an ass.”

“I was never with your brother.” Clarke corrected.

Octavia ignored her as she continued. “Niylah was a distraction. A way to connect with your humanity again.”

Clarke stiffened. Whether it was due to Octavia’s depiction of her relationship with Niylah or the anticipation of her description of Clarke’s relationship with Lexa, Octavia couldn’t be sure.

“I’m not judging. I did the same thing with Ilian. After Lincoln.” Octavia clarified.

“And Lexa...what was she?”

“I’m not trying to be glib or condescending. And I have no desire to belittle any of your relationships. I also know that you loved her and I don’t doubt that she loved you. It’s just...you were as doomed with her as I was with Lincoln.” She paused and shook her head. “You and I really are more alike that I ever wanted to believe.” She bit her lip and forced a smile as she continued. “It wasn’t because opposites can’t attract, or that they are bad for each other. It’s that you just happened to be born on different sides of a war you couldn’t control or prevent.”

Clarke released the breath she had been holding.

“So what you’re saying is that you and I both such at finding love.” Clarke concluded with a frown.

“Not at all. I think that without a war looming on the horizon or without only instincts of survival...we both will be more free to really experience and understand what love means. How special it is. We had a taste of it once, we know what it’s like. And that it’s worth it, despite everything. But we lost it. We lost them. And I think we both lost ourselves for a while. But we’re both healing and growing and we’re both better than we were then. And next time...we’ll both get it right.” She explained.

She hoped Clarke understood. She hoped Clarke felt the same way. She hoped she was strong enough to be ready for it if she did.

Clarke was silent for a long moment. “Just so you know...whatever guy you end up with...he better deserve you. I’m talking Lincoln standards. He’s got big shoes to fill.”

Octavia stared at her wordlessly. Then she took a deep steadying breath. As she released it slowly, she made sure she maintained eye contact with Clarke’s sincere and kind, blue eyes.

“It doesn’t have to be a boy.” She whispered quietly. “I mean, it isn’t a prerequisite or anything.”

Clarke’s eyes widened. She swallowed harshly. Loudly. “Good to know.” A look Octavia couldn’t define crossed Clarke’s features when she added, “My threat remains. Whoever they are. They have to be worthy.”

And Octavia couldn’t help but silently add a ‘you are’ in her head.

They never mentioned the subject of Octavia’s sexuality again. Clarke didn’t question her on it. Or make a big deal about it. Or wonder when it had changed. Why it had changed. How it had changed. Or whether it even changed at all. And Clarke’s easy acceptance of who she was...it was just another thing she came to love about the girl who had quickly (but not really) stolen her heart.

Month 7

“I swear! It’s not that bad, Monty. Clarke’s just being picky. And Harper’s pregnant. Her hormones are probably all out of whack.” Octavia defended the boy she adored more than any other.

Clarke rolled her eyes and smirked at her. “But...do we really want to trust your food preferences?”

Octavia’s mouth dropped open and her eyes widened. “You’re...teasing me...about that?”

Clarke shrugged. “Too soon?”

Octavia thought about it. About how light hearted Clarke was being. How rather than judge or scorn her for it, it became just another thing to tease her about. And when she saw the look on Clarke’s face, she realized that Clarke knew what she was doing. She was giving Octavia the option to tell the others. To secure the last piece of healing she required...to feel redeemed by their forgiveness and understood by her closest friends.

“Sure...tease the cannibal.” Octavia muttered mockingly as she watched Harper and Monty for a reaction.

Monty nodded. “I figured it had to be something like that when your hydrofarm went down.”

Harper smiled sympathetically but not out of disgust or pity. “We’d never hold that against you, Octavia. I’m sure if any of us had died in space...Murphy would have been the first to carve us open.”

“I don’t know why he hates my algae so much.” Monty frowned. “It’s not that bad.”

Clarke swallowed her mouthful forcefully and cringed at the taste.

“Yeah, it’s actually really great.” She said overly cheerful, like a cheerleader high on the very best drugs.

Then she forced an exaggerated smile that caused Harper to laugh out loud and Octavia to smirk as well. Monty shook his head but he was smiling, too.

Octavia felt so much later after that day. Like she had finally shed the skin of Bloodreina as Clarke had described months ago. She finally was simply Octavia again.

A few days later, she found Clarke wandering alone and went to talk to her.

“I never got to thank you.” She told her as she approached her.

“For what?” Clarke asked with confusion.

“For helping me feel normal again. Maybe better than normal.”

Clarke smiled. “The time’s over for Wanheda and Bloodreina. We get to be us again. And the best part is that we are the ones who get to decide who we want to be this time.”

“For the record, I did like most versions of you.” Octavia admitted.

Clarke nodded. “I liked most versions of you, too.”

Octavia smiled at that, but it morphed into a sly smirk almost immediately. “I know which version of me you liked best.”

She taunted with her most sardonic, yet lopsided grin as if to challenge Clarke to deny her accusation. Clarke titled her head and studied her until her eyes widened in surprise.

“You knew?!”

Octavia’s smile turned from teasing to genuine because she hadn’t known for sure. She had only hoped. Of course, she had noticed the way Clarke stared at her that day all those years ago. She had revelled in the attention.

“Okay, yes. When we first got down to Earth...I may have had a... slight. ..crush on you. Especially, after you went swimming that time. I didn’t mean to...and I’m not sure if you noticed, but you are hot. Like gorgeous. And I have eyes. And a pulse.”

“And a libido, apparently.” Octavia licked her lips as she watched Clarke blush and stumble through her explanation and apology adoringly.

Clarke seemed oblivious to Octavia’s growing attraction and arousal.

“Anyway, I’m sorry if I ever made you feel uncomfortable about it.” Clarke told her with sincerity.

Rather than take pity on the poor girl, Octavia replied with a breathless, “You had a crush on me.”

She was determined to test the validity of the girl’s statement. Had? As if she didn’t have a crush anymore. Octavia needed to know if it was true still.

Clarke rolled her eyes. “You already know I have a type.”

Although it wasn’t the answer Octavia craved, she still smirked at Clarke’s retort. Octavia dared to think that Clarke shared at least some of her feelings. She saw the way Clarke watched her sometimes; when she thought Octavia wasn’t paying attention. She also knew that she wasn’t the only one who initiated contact. Or who grew braver with the tender kisses that no longer were confined to a friendly one on the cheek. They were still chaste. As close to the mouth as possible without being the first to crack and give in to their apparent mutual desire.

She thought maybe she’d break first. Give in. Not because she was the weaker of the two. But because, perhaps, she was the bravest. Someone had to test the unspoken truths between them. Someone had to make a move. It might as well be Octavia. Then they could both have what they wanted. And what they likely needed.

“I always figured you’d end up with my brother. Back when I let myself think of such things.” Octavia admitted. Because it was true. She hadn’t let herself think about a possibility with Clarke because she always assumed Bellamy would end up with her. Or for a little while, Lexa. “I used to picture us. You and Bell. Me and Lincoln. Our kids growing up together. Us all growing old together.”

And maybe she wasn’t as brave as she thought she was. Because she didn’t admit that recently those fantasies morphed into her and Clarke together, raising a family. Having their kids grow up with Bellamy and Echo’s and Harper and Monty’s. Even Diyosa’s, if she was feeling generous that day.

“It could still happen. Some of it. I’m sorry about Lincoln. I did root for the two of you. Because until Monty and Harper, watching the way you loved each other...it was one of the few good things left in the world. And if you cared about him even half as much as I loved Lexa...I know how hard it can be some days.”

It was nice to hear Clarke attempt to reassure her. But she wasn’t searching for consolement, she was trying to admit her feelings for Clarke and the damn girl was making it increasingly difficult.

“So...you’re saying...you and Bellamy…” She tried again as panic set in.

Clarke’s eyes widened. “What? No! He’s my best friends. He’s like a brother to me. Or how I would imagine having an annoying big brother would be.” Clarke reached toward Octavia before thinking better of it. “I meant that things can be normal between you and Bellamy again. Your kids will still get to grow up together. Your happy ending can still come true, Octavia. And I’ll be by your side no matter who we all end up with.”

Octavia frowned. “You really don’t see it, do you?”

“What?”

“That I love you just as much as I ever loved Lincoln. That half of our fights were for stupids reasons because I didn’t know how to say it or what to do with it or what it all meant.”

Clarke stared at her with pure astonishment painting her features.

“Please, say something. Anything.” Octavia begged.

“I…” Clarke rushed to her and swept her in her arms, holding her tightly against her. “I love you, too, Octavia.”

When their lips met for the first time, Octavia was reminded of home. Not her room under the floor on the Arc. Not Arcadia. Not Polis. And not the bunker under the ground. Because home was people and home was where her heart was. And this was home.

Clarke was home. A future with Clarke. Raising their kids along side Baby Green and the inevitable children that Bellamy and Echo had. The kids Raven may have. And Gaia. And Niylah. And maybe Miller and Jackson. And Emori and Murphy. They were the future and the future was full of brightness and love and peace and happiness and home. Home was all of them. Home was Indra, the proudest Aunt or Godmother and the best one, too. Home was a sober Abby holding her grandchildren. Home was within reach. And it was beautiful.

She rushed to deepen the kiss. Not because she was in a hurry, but because they had already lost so much time. And then, eventually, she slowed the kiss down. She savored it. There would be no more wasted time. They had the rest of their lives to make up for lost time. Today was the start of forever.

Month 15

Over the last several months, Clarke and Octavia took a lot of showers together. Among other things. Octavia knew that Monty and Harper had figured it out early on. It wasn’t like Harper was all that subtle with the looks and the comments she had started giving them. And Octavia found it enduring: the teasing. The shared looks with Monty. They started to regard them slightly differently. In a good way. In the “they found love, too” and “aren’t they cute?” type of way. Clarke pretended to be oblivious to it all. Or maybe she really was that oblivious. Yeah, she probably wasn’t acting at all.

Octavia’s favorite moments lately, had been at night. When they lost sleep for entirely new reasons. As she explored Clarke’s body with her fingers and her mouth, she took her time. She endeavored to memorize her. Worship her. And Clarke seemed to feel the same way. It was when Clarke’s mouth was on her, or her fingers were deep inside her that she realized that she had once again come alive. She was more alive now than perhaps she had ever been. And she reveled in it. But it was also the moments when their breathing had calmed, while they remained naked and tangled up in each other, that she enjoyed just as much as the love making. Because rather than the deep meaningful discussions they used to have that had dwelled in the past as they got to know and understand each other, their new late night talks had started to take a whole new direction. They had detailed conversations that were just as deep and relevant, but these were all about the future. Their shared future.

They talked about what life would be like when they found their new home. When they set down on a brand new planet and started a life together down there. They hoped they wouldn’t be far from a lake that their children could swim and play in. Or a river that they could fish in. They longed for large trees that the kids could climb. Open fields they could run in. A warm, welcoming house that they could play in, run around it, and grow up in. They could be as loud as they wanted, as careless as kids were supposed to be because the world wouldn’t end if they were too loud.

No names were discussed. Nor were the number of little rascals they would have. They didn’t discuss the logistics of any of it. Or where Bellamy’s house would sit. Or Abby’s. They did, however, talk in detail about the neighborhood they would create that would house all of their friends and family (in the city that Harper had already aptly named Eden). So they would never be apart again. So they would never be alone again.

It was those talks, in between stolen kisses and hushed laughter, in the middle of the dead of night that were what truly brought Octavia from the depths of sorrow and despair to where she felt she was now. Healed. Whole in a way she never knew existed. And so full of love that it spilled over. She’s pretty sure that was what Harper and Monty picked up on first. The way she grew even more playful with them. The way she finally and completely let herself go. Let herself be. Let herself live. She was so full of love, that she didn’t want to wait much longer to have those dreams become a reality. She’d start today if she could.

As she let her mind return to the present, she stared adoringly at a napping Clarke. The blonde was laying on their bed with her head in Octavia’s lap as Octavia ran her fingers through the slightly longer than usual locks. And the key to all her recent daydreaming was laying on Clarke’s chest. Baby Jordan Jasper Green was perfect. And he was currently asleep as well. Octavia doubted she’d ever get over looking at him. The miracle of life, truly.

“I’ve seen they way you look at him. At them. When are you and Clarke going to have one of your own?” Harper asked softly from the doorway with a smile etched on her face.

She entered the room and squeezed in next to Octavia on the bed.

The brunette raised an eyebrow. “How do you propose that will happen? Neither Clarke nor I will sleep with Monty.” Her eyes widened. “No offense.”

Harper chuckled and shook her head. “Thanks for the reassurance. I was worried for a minute there.”

“Ha, ha.”

“Clarke’s basically a doctor. You two really haven’t discussed this?”

Octavia frowned. “We talk about kids all the time. Just never the...mechanics of having them.”

Harper nodded and shrugged. “Monty and I discussed it as well. And we are willing to assist if you want us to. Well, Monty, will. It’s not like I’d be all that much help in that aspect.”

Octavia sighed. “Yeah. I still have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Sperm. Octavia. We have all the medical supplies we could ever need on this ship, but as I understand, it really is pretty straight forward. He donates his sperm to you guys and...the two of you can take care of the rest. Decide who will carry the baby and all.” She rested her hand fondly on her sleeping baby and smiled at him as only a proud mother could. “I understand that he might not be your first choice for donor, since it might seem a little...incestuous with how close we all are. And you might even want to wait until we touch down and get established somewhere. I just wanted you to know that the option is there. You can have a little one of your own whenever you want to.”

Octavia stared at her in wonder, then let her eye fall to Jordan and finally settle on Clarke. It would be a dream come true for her. To be like she was now, with Clarke, but have it be their child resting on Clarke’s chest as the blonde slept soundly.

“I want that more than anything.” Octavia admitted.

“And just so you know...Clarke’s not the only one who would make a fabulous mom. Jordan already adores you. And you’re really great with him.”

“I love him.”

Harper’s smile grew wider. “You can’t even fathom how much more you’ll love your own. There is nothing in the world like it.”

Octavia smiled as well. “You just want to be an Aunt.”

“I’d make a damn fine, Aunt.”

“You would.”

They shared a smile and sat in contentment until the baby stirred awake and Clarke followed shortly after. Harper relieved Clarke of Jordan as she swept her baby up in her arms and cooed at him as he smiled at her.

“I’m going to go change him and feed him. Then Monty and I are going to play with him.” Harper announced as she got off the bed and walked out of the room.

Clarke stretched like a cat before she sat up and pecked Octavia’s lips with a quick, chaste kiss. Octavia held her in place and instantly the kiss deepened. As her hands wandered down Clarke’s body, the blonde moaned in her mouth.

Octavia pulled away, brought both hands to Clarke’s face and cupped her cheeks as she stared at Clarke with all the emotion she could muster.

“I want to start our family. Now.” She told her.

Except for the slight widening of her eyes and the lopsided grin that appeared on her lips, Clarke didn’t respond.

“I mean it. I’m ready whenever you are.” Octavia reiterated.

Clarke’s hands covered her own, and she leaned into Octavia to kiss her again. When she pulled back, to hover just a breath away from Octavia’s face the brunette noticed the twinkle in Clarke’s eyes.

“I’m ready, too. Which of us should carry the first one?” Clarke stated.

Octavia grinned. “First one?”

“No child of mine will be an only child.”

“We already have Madi.”

Clarke smiled sadly. “We do.”

“How about...we try it together. Not exactly at the same time. A few months apart. It could be fun. Being pregnant together. Sharing that experience together.”

Month 25

Being pregnant was definitely something to get used to. She was only about three months along, whereas Clarke was nearly seven. And a pregnant Clarke was a sight to behold. She was so damn beautiful. She actually glowed. There was no way to explain it, except that Harper had been right. It was absolutely unthinkable how much she already loved her children and neither of them were even born yet. They were already her whole life. They were everything that mattered in this world. And knowing Clarke was carrying their child made her love for Clarke grow exponentially as well.

Clarke stood at the window on the ship as she stared at the vastness of space.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Octavia mused as she came up behind Clarke and wrapped her hands around her shoulders.

She kissed her on the back of the head, then trailed her hands down Clarke’s body to rest on her rapidly expanding stomach. Octavia held her close for awhile as she admired the view of space as well. She might as well look while as can, because they won’t be on this ship forever. When she had enough of that view, she moved around Clarke to face her.

“Are you okay?” She asked when she realized that Clarke had yet to answer.

“Do you think our family will be mad at us for starting our own without them?” Clarke wondered.

Octavia shrugged. “They’ll get over it. Pretty sure we’ve both done worse to them all.”

Clarke rolled her eyes and kissed Octavia’s smirk off her face. They had healed enough that their past was no longer demons that haunted them but rather fodder to tease each other with. And it was a nice change.

When they finished kissing, Octavia bent down and raised Clarke’s shirt up a little so her pregnant belly was free. She softly kissed the bare skin.

“Good morning, sweet one.” She spoke reverently to her child. “What stories do you want us to tell you today?”

Since they had gotten pregnant, rather than talking about the future and their dreams of a family; their time alone consisted of talking to each other’s stomachs. To their yet unborn babies. They told stories and laughed and sang to them. They wanted them to instinctively recognize their voices. They wanted their kids to know from the start how loved they were. They wanted them to understand where they belonged and that they had a place in this world.

“I thought we could tell them about how their moms fell in love.” Clarke announced thoughtfully.

Octavia raised an eyebrow. “All the sordid details? You want them to know that you lusted after me before you truly knew me?”

Clarke laughed out loud. She rested her hand beside Octavia’s on her stomach.

“Your mom seems to think very highly of herself. But she also isn’t wrong. Let me tell you a story....”

And she did. Octavia stood up, but kept one hand on Clarke’s belly as she rubbed the other hand on her own. She let Clarke’s words wash over all of them. The story of them. She corrected herself in her head. The story of us.

Month 52

Harper, Clarke and Octavia were laying on the ground watching as Monty wrestled with Jordan playfully. The toddler was laughing as he was being tickled mercilessly.

“You can’t really want to hear about Murphy again.” Monty groaned playfully as he watched his son wiggle beneath him.

“But...he’s….my...favorite.” He wheezed out brokenly between giggles.

“How can he be your favorite? What about Raven...she’s cool.” Clarke declared.

“Raven!” Little Lexa Grace yelled as she climbed on Clarke and smooshed her mom’s cheeks together.

Octavia gave birth to the girl nearly two years ago and she couldn’t be more pleased with how much she reminded her of herself. The wicked grin when she got into trouble. Apparently, she was meant to be more advanced that most kids because her terrible two started early. And her long dark hair was usually an unruly mess because she wouldn’t let anyone but Uncle Monty brush it. She also had Octavia’s heart and determination and drive. Which absolutely sucked at both naptime and bedtime. But she did somehow possess Monty’s compassion and patience...when she tried really hard. And just like Octavia, Clarke was Lexa’s favorite person. Hands down.

“I think there’s a few stories we haven’t told them about our time on the ring. We can tell you about both Raven and Murphy.” Harper compromised.

“Madi.” Lincoln Jacob demanded with an affronted huff.

He was very much Clarke’s kid. The temperament that perhaps got her the original nickname of Princess pulsed proudly through his veins. He had lighter hair than the rest of them did, even more so than the odd blonde steak that was starting to show in Jordan’s hair. He shared Clarke’s smile, and light eyes, and her inquisitiveness. Now that he had started to talk a bit more...everything was “Why?” He loved to learn. He adored Jordan and tried to mimic him. And he would follow his Aunt Harper everywhere. But Octavia knew that just as he held a very sacred place in her heart, she held that same spot in his. He loved her wholly and unconditionally. And she loved him just as much.

He sat between her and Harper, although he was bouncing in his seat in anticipation of storytime. This had become their nightly tradition. The group of them. They spent time alone with their respective families throughout parts of the day. The kids played together as the adults perfected their blueprints of a new form of government and world building that would usher them into their new world...as soon as they found one to inhabit. And then, after a shared dinner, it was the group storytime hour. This was when they all reconnected and this was Octavia’s favorite time of the day.

Lexa finally stopped climbing on Clarke and settled down on her lap, cuddled into her so intensely that she was practically a part of her. Clarke held Lexa firmly with one arm around her while her other hand was holding onto Octavia’s free one. A lifeline. The reminder that a lot in their lives had changed recently, but that the love between them had never faded. It was only made stronger with each day that passed. Octavia squeezed it and smiled softly at the love of her life. Then she directed her attention to Harper, tonight’s storyteller.

Monty had finally stopped picking on Jordan and the two settled down so that they sat facing the rest of the group. And when all was quiet, and the kids’ anticipation could no longer be contained, Harper told her stories.

Month 58

They figured that it was finally time to ask for help. Raven would know the answers. Raven would save them all. And in addition to waking Raven, they decided that perhaps it was almost time to wake Madi as well. They wanted her to meet her brother and sister. And they also had a bit of work to do before they woke the others.

They woke Raven first. Lexa was so excited that she hopped up and down on the balls of her feet as she stood next to the chamber that housed the sleeping woman. When the chamber opened and Raven woke up, she let out an excited squeal that caused Raven to jump so severely that she fell on the floor with a curse.

Jordan and Lincoln giggled.

“She’s really your favorite?” Clarke mused with a chuckle of her own.

“What the hell?” Raven asked from her spot on the floor as she stared in awe of the little girl who peered down at her with a devilish grin.

“Clarke...what the fuck did I miss?”

“Hey…” Octavia instinctually covered Lincoln’s ears, but Lexa was too far out of reach. “Language. There are children in the room.”

She released her hands from Lincoln’s ears and smirked at her friend.

“No shit.” Raven rolled her eyes.

All the kids giggled again. Octavia sighed with exasperation. Clarke and the others shook their heads with amusement.

“I missed you, Raven,” Clarke admitted.

Then she walked over to her and reached down to help the other girl up. When they were both standing again, Raven scanned the room and took in the group of them.

“You didn’t freeze yourselves.” She concluded.

“No.”

“And it looks like you’ve been quite busy. What...did you start your own harem, Monty?” She asked with a smirk.

“Actually…” Octavia stepped forward and laced her fingers through Clarke’s. Then she rested her hand on Lexa’s head.

Raven’s eyes widened. “Well, damn. It’s about time.” She bit her lip when she realized she cussed again. “Sorry. So...tell me everything.”

Octavia and Clarke shared an amused look.

“We’re going to have to go through this with everyone, aren’t we?” Clarke decided.

Raven shook her head. “I say you just let them all figure it out. But me. I put up with so much sh...stuff.” She corrected herself and blushed when she did. “From the two of you over the years that I deserve the whole story.”

So they gave it to her. When they finished with the quick retelling (to which the kids would throw in their own corrections of the story if it wasn’t up to par with what they had been told over the years), it was time to get to work and address the real reason they woke Raven before the others. However, before they did that, both Octavia and Clarke wanted to apologize to their friend. Raven seemed to be over it, but she deserved it anyway.

“Look, I know that things between us are…” Octavia started.

Raven waved her off.

“No, we need to say this. I need to say this.”

Raven’s face softened and she nodded for her to continue.

“I’m sorry. For everything.”

“I forgive you.” Raven told her sincerely.

“And I owe you so much more than a simple apology, Raven. I really screwed everything up and I really am sorry for everything I did to you. The way I betrayed you. Aiming a gun at you…”

“Clarke...you also saved me. Numerous times. I was mad. I was hurt. But I get it okay. I know you’re human. Actually, it was a good reminder. It’s hard to live up to someone who’s unattainably perfect all the time.” She shared a glance with Harper. “We’d talk about you. On the ring. When we thought you were dead--that you died for us. We wanted to be better. For you. To be worthy of your sacrifice. You going a little mental and losing your shi...stuff, was a good trade off to you not being dead. I’m just glad you lived, Clarke. And we have all the time in the world to hear that story as well.”

So they made amends. The few remaining cracks in their skin re-stitched themselves. Mending. Healing.

They filled Raven in on their decision to search for a different habitable planet rather than wait for Earth to be livable again. Then they told her of their problems and miscalculations. What had taken them years, took Raven thirteen days. In thirteen days, they started on their way to a new solar system. And it those thirteen days, Lexa was glued to her side. Raven didn’t seem to mind. As she sat at the computer, Lexa sat on her lap. She regaled the girl with stories that had yet to be heard. Soon, Lincoln and Jordan had perched themselves at her feet and would sit and listen for hours as Raven colorfully and excitedly told them things brand new things.

“I think she just stole our kids.” Clarke mused as she watched the scene.

“I think this bodes well for us. Children have a way of melting the hardest of hearts...this is our way to peace among those who have yet to settle their differences.” Harper commented.

“I think you’re right.” Octavia agreed.

Monty watched it all with a proud smile. “This is the future we’ve been waiting for. That we hoped for. It’s better than I imagined. Because...this is real.”

“See, Monty.” Octavia turned to him. “It is the farmers who saved the world.”

Month 62

They decided to wake Madi up now that they were coming up on their destination. They wanted her to be awake as the settled into orbit so she could be with them to see their new home for the first time.

She opened her eyes slowly and looked around startled, until her eyes fell of Clarke. Octavia watched from afar, and the kids were being occupied by Raven, Monty and Harper so that Clarke could break the news to her. They didn’t want a repeat of what happened with Raven. But Octavia was anxious and couldn’t stay away. Clarke kept trying to reassure her that Madi would be happen for them. Octavia wasn’t so sure.

“Clarke?” Madi asked quietly as she sat up. “Is it time? Ten years already…” She studied Clarke. “You...you look different...what…”

“Shhh….” Clarke rushed to her side. She wrapped her in her arms and kissed the top of her head. “Nothing went wrong...everything is really good, I promise.”

Madi nodded. She glanced over toward Octavia so the older brunette smiled at her and walked further into the room.

“You guys made up. You’re friends again.” Madi stated with a smile.

Octavia and Clarke smiled at each other.

“I’d say we’re more than friends.” Octavia admitted as she sat down beside Madi. “Clarke and I have something to tell you.”

“You and Clarke…” Madi looked from one to another. “How long have I been asleep?”

“Five years or so.”

The young girl nodded. “And you were awake the whole time then?”

The nodded in unison.

“And Earth...is it already habitable?”

They shook their heads in tandem.

“So...you woke me up...because….”

“I missed you, Madi. And a lot has happened in the last few years. But we couldn’t wait any longer to share it all with you.” Clarke explained softly.

“You missed me?” Madi asked hopefully.

“Of course. You will always be my number one. You’re my family Madi.” Clarke assured her. Then she reached across Madi and held Octavia’s hand. “It’s just now our family is bigger.”

It was at that moment that Lincoln came stumbling in the room. Harper chased behind him.

“Sorry. He was just too excited.” Harper told them regrettably as he approached them.

Madi stared at the toddler with wide eyes. “He looks like you, Clarke. Well...darker...but you.”

Octavia smiled proudly as Clarke swept the little boy in her arms and kissed his stomach as he wiggled and giggled around her.

“Madi.” He chuckled out.

Clarke held him out toward Madi until the other girl took him in her arms and bounced him happily on her lap.

“So...he’s ours?” Madi asked fondly.

“Ours.” Octavia repeated with admiration. “He’s your little brother. Lincoln. You have a little sister wandering around here somewhere.” Octavia explained. Then she addressed Harper. “You might as well go grab her.”

Harper nodded and disappeared.

“I have a brother and a sister.” Madi breathed out in awe.

“And they’re perfect.” Clarke concluded. “Just like you.”

Lincoln seemed to be just as enthralled with his big sister as she was with him. He touched her face with his chubby little fingers and pulled a giggle from the young girl. She playfully snapped her mouth at him and he laughed adorably.

Harper re-appeared in the doorway with Lexa in her arms and bent down to release the girl so she could awkwardly stumble her way over to her family.

“Lexa meet your big sister, Madi.” Octavia announced with a smile.

Madi drew her attention from Lincoln toward Lexa. Her eyes widened.

“And she looks like you, Octavia. She has your eyes and your smile.”

Clarke chuckled. “She has Octavia’s smirk. That’s what it is. And it will be the death of you. Just try telling her ‘no’. It’s impossible.”

“Right. Like you ever want to tell either of them no. I swear, it’s like good cop, bad cop with us.” Octavia grunted with her trademark smirk.

“Don’t let Octavia fool you. She might try to put her foot down more than I do. But then she feels bad about it and let’s them get away with twice as much later.” Clarke rolled her eyes good-naturedly.

“You’re worse with Jordan.” Harper teased. “You both spoil him rotten.”

“Hey!” Clarke and Octavia pouted.

Harper strolled into the room. “And I’m just as bad with these two. It’s an Aunt thing, I think.”

Clarke nodded. “Raven and Monty are downright awful. I swear, they make me feel bad when I do try to put my foot down.”

“So you just stopped trying?” Octavia raised an eyebrow.

“Quiet you.” Clarke responded as she playfully pushed at Octavia.

Madi took in the entire scene with wide eyes and a boisterous laugh. She crawled off the chamber bed and crouched down to play with her brother and sister. They seemed to be in their own little world, so the adults in the room just watched them with contentment. Eventually, Raven, Monty and Jordan came into the room.

Jordan wordlessly joined the kids on the floor and was immediately welcomed into their excited nonsensical chatter.

“This is the true Eden.” Monty commented.

“I’m glad I was awake for this.” Raven told them with a smile. Then her entire face lit up with mischief. “I am so glad I’m awake in time for you to tell Bellamy and Abby. They are going to freak!”

Octavia’s eyes widened as big as Clarke’s did. They knew that they were saving those two for last because both were too scared to face the consequences of having done all of this without them.

Madi glanced up at them. “Bellamy and Abby are still asleep?”

Octavia nodded curtly.

“You woke me up first?” Madi asked with reverence.

“We did. And we have one more thing to show you.” Clarke said.

“I doubt anything will beat this.” Madi said happily as she smiled at her siblings.

“We’re not going back to Earth. I found a planet in a new solar system that is habitable.” Raven explained.

“You...what?” Madi stared at her with wide eyes.

Octavia rolled her eyes. “Of course you’d take all the credit for it.”

“I was the one who did it. I found it. It took you guys years and you couldn’t. It took me weeks.” Raven boasted.

“You did find it. And we’re grateful. But could you try gloating just a little less.” Octavia relented.

It was a friendly and well-fraught argument. And both girls enjoyed the back and forth. That’s why Raven kept bragging. Because Octavia would keep calling her out on it.

“I don’t know how to not be awesome, Octavia. Will you teach me?” Raven smirked and wiggled her eyebrows playfully.

Clarke, Harper and Monty chuckled while Madi tried to stifle her own laughter.

“Oh, I’ll teach you a lot of things, Raven. I bet I’m now better with my hands than you are.” Octavia taunted as she wiggled her fingers.

“Okay!” Clarke yelled as she blushed and clamped a hand over Octavia’s mouth.

Raven guffawed at that. “You win this round, Blake. That was good.”

“And she wasn’t even bragging.” Clarke added with a smirk of her own.

Octavia smirked under Clarke’s hand, and then pulled the hand away. She kept the hand in her own though, threading their fingers together.

“Why don’t we all go out and see the view.” Octavia said as she stood up and pulled Clarke with her. “We should be within orbit now. It’s the first time any of us have seen it up close.”

So they all left the room and gathered around the big window waiting for Monty to open the window so they could all see their paradise for the first time. The sight took Octavia’s breath away.

“It’s beautiful.” Raven breathed out.

“There’s two suns.” Clarke stated in awe.

“Home…” Monty smiled with pride.

“Wow…” Madi shook her head in disbelief.

“We did it.” Harper hugged Monty and kissed his cheek.

Octavia agreed with each of their statements, but she didn’t have words of her own. She was speechless. Wonderfully so.

1 year later

Octavia anxiously waited for Bellamy to wake up. They woke Abby up moments earlier and the stunned woman was now currently coddling her grandchildren and staring in awe of the place that would soon be their new home. It had gone well with her. Better than Octavia had dared to hope. She hadn’t said much to her, she let Clarke do the talking. But one look at her grandchildren took away the last of any doubt she might have had about Clarke’s decisions.

Bellamy’s eyes immediately landed on Octavia’s and pulled her from her thoughts.

“Hey little sister.” He smiled at her.

“Hey big brother.”

“Is it time to go back home now?” He asked her. Then he tilted his head as if trying to figure out what was different with her.

She nodded. “About that…”

He sat up more completely. “What happened?”

“We’re not going to Earth. Raven found us a place habitable in a different solar system. We’ve been orbiting it for a year, studying it. There are no signs of human life before us. We won’t be walking into a trap like last time. This will be good for us. It will be ours.”

“A year? Raven? How long have I been asleep? And you’re awake already?” The questions tumbled out in a rapid fire succession.

“I never went to sleep.”

“O…”

She shook her head and waved him off. “I started to freak out. I couldn’t be confined again.”

He shifted nervously. “You were alone...for how long?”

“I wasn’t alone at all, Bell.” She sighed. “Clarke saw my freak out. She stayed awake with me. So did Harper and Monty. That’s how we worked together to decide to look for a new place. It took us five years before we caved in and asked Raven to do it for us. And then the year in orbit.”

“Six years. Again. I missed six years of your life again.” He said sadly.

Octavia bit back a sob and swallowed thickly. She hadn’t thought of it that way.

“I’m sorry, Bell…”

He hugged her tightly in his arms and kissed the top of her head. Then he pulled away and held her at arms length to study her intensely.

“You look good. Happy. Are you happy?” He asked her sincerely.

She nodded and a smile took over her face. “Happier than I’ve ever been.”

He smiled at her. “I’m glad. That’s all I ever wanted for you.”

She rolled her eyes playfully at him. “I know. I was your responsibility.”

He shook his head. “I was wrong. You didn’t need someone to take care of you or keep you safe or out of trouble. You didn’t need me to save you all the time. You just needed me to love you.” He took her hand in both of his own. “And I do. I love you so much.”

“I love you, too, big brother.”

They hugged again.

“There is one more thing you’ll need to know.” She said as she felt safely wrapped in his embrace. “Clarke and I…”

His eyes widened and he pulled away to look at her carefully. “You and Clarke…” A smirk took root on his face. “I knew something was always up with the two of you. She challenges you. She cares about you. She makes you happy.”

“She does. All of those things.” Then she shook her head and rolled her eyes at herself. “She also makes me unbelievable mad sometimes. Drives me crazy.”

“She always did that.” He confirmed.

She nodded. “I just didn’t know what it meant...at the time.”

“So...you love her.”

“More than anything.”

He smiled at her.

“But that wasn’t what I was going to tell you.” She took a steadying breath so she could be strong enough for the part that was to come. “You’re an uncle, Bell. We have two kids, well, three with Madi.”

“Kids.”

“Yes.”

“You had kids…”

“I had one and Clarke did. We have one boy and one girl.” She stood up and held out her hand to him. “I’ll take you to them.”

He took her hand instantly. When they walked out of the room, Clarke caught their eyes and smiled at them. Abby was dancing with the kids and Monty and Harper had joined in already. Raven was laughing at Clarke’s side.

“They’re beautiful, Octavia. And this...you did it.”

“I did. I made my own Eden.”

He smiled at her then rushed to the group. First he hugged Clarke and Raven. Then Monty and Harper. Then shyly we walked over to the kids and picked up Lexa and spun her in a circle which elicited a loud laugh from the little girl. Lincoln instantly raised his arms for a ride of his own, so Abby swept him up and did the same thing. Octavia walked over to them and she did her best to do the same for Jordan. He was getting far too heavy to be so carelessly rough with, but she was not going to let the boy be left out. Madi took Harper’s hand in one of hers and Monty’s in the other and the three of them spun in their own circle as laughter filled the room.

“I’m so glad I was awake for this.” Raven re-iterated as she gallantly bowed and held out a hand for Clarke.

Clarke chuckled, did her best curtsey and took Raven’s offered hand. They playfully slow danced together. No music was playing. It was all to their own imagination, and it didn’t stop them from having the time of their lives. They danced and laughed together the rest of the day. They switched partners often. The kids claimed each of the newly awakened adults first, then made their way to the rest of their family. Monty and Harper got a dance by themselves as did Octavia and Clarke. Bellamy and Octavia danced while Clarke and Abby danced. Raven danced with Bellamy once and with Abby once.

Octavia noticed that when Abby and Raven danced, their was a hushed conversation that happened during it and she made a mental note to ask Raven about it later. It seemed tense at first, but eventually, they seemed at ease and even happy. So maybe she wouldn’t have to ask at all. But she did want to check in on her friend anyway.

Abby made her way over to Octavia eventually.

“You’re not actually going to ask me to dance, are you?” Octavia asked warily. But it wasn’t entirely unplayful.

Abby smiled at her. “I guess not. But can we talk...somewhere else.”

Octavia nodded. She caught Clarke’s worried gaze but smiled to let her know that she was okay. Then she led Abby away, down the corridor and into hers and Clarke’s room.

“I want to first say that I’m sorry you had to find out like this. That you missed some of their childhood. Our intention was never to hurt you...we just enjoyed the time to ourselves.”

“A little too much, I’d say.” Abby quirked her eyebrow intimidatingly.

Octavia’s shoulders fell. “I know. I know you probably think that Clarke deserves better. Better than me. I…”

“Stop. Octavia. I adore you.” She sighed and sat on the bed. “My little girl just laughed and smiled more in the last few hours than I have ever known her to in her entire life. She’s happy, Octavia. And you gave her everything a mother could wish for their child. I promise.”

Octavia swallowed down the choked sob that threatened to escape. The relief was palpable.

“I’ve known you a long time. And I see the way you look at her. The same way she looks at you.” She patted the bed next to her so Octavia joined her. “I know you knew that I was the one that stole the medication back in the bunker....but you accepted Kane’s confession for it. I always wondered why. And then...even after everything...you came back for me. You made sure that I made it safely to the ship, even if it meant saving Kane. I understand now.”

“I couldn’t let anything happen to you. Clarke...even if I never saw her again, I promised myself that I’d keep you safe for her. And I didn’t do the greatest job at it, but I did the best I could. For awhile.”

“You did good, Octavia. Don’t ever doubt that.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t help you...your addiction, I should have done something more.”

“Hey...that was my burden. Not yours. You had enough to worry about.”

Octavia nodded. “I saw you talking with Raven earlier…”

Abby sighed. “I owed her an apology. Addicts do awful things to the people they love. I was awful to you in the end as well. And I alone am responsible for that.”

“How about we both just call it a draw.”

“I’d like that.”

“So, you and Raven patched things up, too?” She ventured curiously.

“Yeah. I know I have work to do to build her trust. To rebuild all of your trust back.” Her sad smile turned proud and happy. “But I have something worth fighting for now. My grandbabies are so precious. They’re perfect.”

Octavia beamed with pride. “Yeah, well, we tried.”

Abby chuckled happily. “And our new home is breathtaking. We have to be better this time. All of us.”

“We will be. We know what’s at stake now.”

“I have never been so proud of a group of criminals in my life.” Abby stated wryly. “Kids...throwaway delinquents saved what was left of humanity.”

“And we only destroyed the world twice to do it.” Octavia teased back.

They both descended into laughter at their shared gallows humor.

“I think of all versions of you, Octavia. Of all the growing and changing you inevitably did over the years...this one suits you best. I like seeing you happy. You deserve it.”

Octavia’s eyes watered as she quickly swiped at them with embarrassment. “Does this mean I have your blessing?”

“To be with Clarke? Or to marry her?”

Octavia smiled. “I want to spent the rest of my life with her. Whether it means a wedding or just us continuing the life we have doesn’t matter to me. I just wanted to make sure that you would be okay with that.”

“I am more than okay with that.”

“Thank you.”

“No. Thank you, Octavia. For taking care of my daughter. For making her happy. For making sure I was alive to see it all.”

Six months later

They were just about settled in on their new planet. Monty chose to name it Camelot. And Octavia got to name two suns and a moon. The suns she named Calypso and Circe. Greek mythological nymphs who tended to be misunderstood. Now they got to be free and dance...shining brightly for all of what was left of humanity. And the moon, she named Aphrodite. Because it was beautiful. And nighttime was still her favorite time of the day.

Clarke, Harper, Gaia, Miller and Bellamy chased Lexa and Lincoln in the large open field, not far from the flowing river they just finished fishing at. Raven, Shaw, Madi, Jackson and Abby discussed something scientific and wholly over Octavia’s head while they sat in the grass picking at the lunch they brought for their special picnic. Niylah, Diyosa, and Indra listened intently while Murphy told them a story that he undoubtedly was either making up or exaggerating if Emori’s eye roll was any indication. Jordan listened with astonishment and delight. Octavia held Diyosa’s daughter, Hope, and watched everyone with contentment as happiness filled her chest.

“Jasper was wrong. We weren’t the problem. We are the good guys.” Monty said fondly as he held his newest addition in his arms.

Little baby Alexander Kane, named for their once leader. The kid’s namesake had succumbed to his wounds after they woke him from the cryo-freeze. At first, Octavia worried that the loss would make Abby spiral downward again. Luckily however, if Octavia read the signs and the lingering glances right, Abby and Raven seemed to be heading toward something. And she was more than happy for both of them.

“This is better than I ever dared to hope for.” Echo said from the other side of Octavia.

She had a baby bump steadily growing and Octavia couldn’t be happier for her and Bellamy. She’d get their dream after all. Hers and Bellamy’s kids would grow up together...free.

“I think the only thing that is stronger than fear is hope. Fear made us monsters. Hope set us free.” Octavia stated.

Echo rested a hand on Octavia’s shoulder. “No, love is the strongest thing there is.”

Octavia nodded her head in silent agreement, and so did Monty.

“Love saved us so that we could all know freedom.” Echo concluded.

And they would all know freedom. And love. And hope. And peace. They would prove that they were all worth saving. That everything they had endured had been worth it in the end. Because this was their reward. This place. These people. Home. Home was their reward. And Octavia had finally found it. She had found the place she truly belonged with the people that were her people.