Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Knock knock, a gentle sound rapped at the door of Sanae's room. Sanae, after another lecture on taking care of yourself from Kanako, as well as some warm bowls of soup and rice, had been urged to return to her room and take it easy.

"Come in." Sanae meekly responded, making herself sit up neatly. "Sorry for the mess, I've just been using the futon.”

"Excuse me." came a polite, familiar voice, as Kasen entered the room. The pink-haired woman briefly scanned Sanae's room - it certainly didn't look like the room of someone who had overworked herself to the brink of tears.

Everything, including the futon Sanae had been resting on, was immaculately clean. Almost unnaturally so. Books that must have come from the Outside World were arranged by alphabetically, but with pages that appeared a little bent - indicating Sanae still regularly read them and cleaned them back away. Posters of colourful characters and people Kasen didn’t recognise lined the walls, surprisingly crinkle and dust-free despite their age.

Even her bedding looked fresh... but Kasen supposed that made sense. The other goddesses had been pampering the poor fledgling goddess a little this evening, after all.

"It's been a while, Sanae. Oh, thank you." the woman awkwardly but delicately knelt on a cushion near the low table that Sanae had gestured towards. Kasen continued, "I heard the New Year event went very well indeed!"

"It did, thank you..." Sanae trailed off slightly and tilted her head, confused.  "Why... why are you here, Miss Kasen?"

Kasen smiled sheepishly and tilted her own head. "Erm... well, a bunch of Kajika frogs suddenly came to my house, pleading me to come speak with you. If I didn’t, they said Lady Suwako had threatened to double their singing practise..."

Sanae's eyes lidded in disbelief as Kanako gently strolled in with a tray of tea. She poured a cup for Kasen, then for Sanae, and set them on the low table to the side of Sanae's futon.

"Oh, thank you Lady Kanako." Kasen blinked, seeming a little taken aback by the god's hospitality. Sanae was too, she was used to being the one who waited on visitors.

"A word of advice..." Kanako's deep voice invited their attention as she stood up again. "As tempting as it can be to lie to protect someone's feelings sometimes, I don't think that sort of thing will help anyone today." Kanako smiled warmly, gently sliding the door behind her as she left. Kasen sighed and rubbed her forehead; she had seemingly understood what Kanako was getting at.

The two took quiet sips of tea... it was delicious. After eating and lying down with her thoughts for a while, the flavours infused in the tea sent an exquisitely energising and satisfying warmth rushing through every corner of Sanae's scalp. She breathed in deeply... then out.

"I think Lady Suwako wanted me to come here because she knows how I like to nose in on peoples' issues, so... I'll be direct." Kasen set her cup down and shut her eyes in thought for a moment. "Sanae, what's going on with you and Reimu?"

"Why, are you worried?"

"Concerned, would be a better way to put it." Kasen held her cold hand around her hot cup as she spoke. "It's difficult not to root for you two as a couple, but Reimu has been acting very strangely since the end of last year... and now I hear you've been off yourself."

Sanae stared down at the table between them, pouting. After thinking for a little while, she felt... stupid. But Kasen hadn't come all the way here to hear Sanae say 'everything's fine' either. Her expression became serious as she took a sharp breath in and spoke.

"I took Moriya Shrine's New Years event very seriously and, to be blunt, it sounds like Reimu didn't. At all. I've been mad about that, so I haven't wanted to see her."

"Mm?" Kasen crossed her arms and tapped her finger on her elbow in thought. "Is that why your attitude at the end of last year was so insulting? To invoke some sort of competitive spirit in Reimu?"

'Insulting'? Sanae couldn't help but bite her lip at Kasen's candid honesty. "Erm." her eyes darted around awkwardly. "I had hoped some competitiveness would motivate her, yes... b-but..." she sighed, her stomach tying itself in knots as she replayed the scene in her mind yet again. "M-my attitude wasn't an intentional part of that. I'm, uh... sorry..."

Kasen tilted her head and nodded to herself, as if things were fitting into place in her head. "I'm going to be honest, your attitude that day made me finally understand, after almost a decade of knowing you both, why Reimu used to complain about your 'business persona' so much. It even got under Marisa's skin this time."

"Wh-wh..." Sanae almost knocked her teacup over as she fumbled her words, her face going red. "W-was I really that bad!?"

Kasen nodded, smiling sheepishly. Sanae looked down again and quietened, gripping her cup meekly. "A-and... 'used to'? She doesn't anymore?"

The hermit's smile warmed at Sanae's showing of sincerity. "Not nearly as often. Since a few years ago, actually... but," her smile became more of an irritated smirk as she stared Sanae in the face. "We all got so irritated by you at the end of the year that we decided to work together to come up with ways to beat the Moriya Shrine. So in a way, your taunting worked! In a way. Not that I’d recommend doing it again."

Sanae raised a curious eyebrow, now even more confused. "Wait, wait... If that's what happened, why did no one visit Hakurei Shrine in the end? And the 'Hakurei Land' theme park thing, was that a lie?"

"Uhh..." Kasen's eyelids awkwardly lidded as she fiddled restlessly with her teacup. Her face actually reddened slightly, and it wasn't every day the usually-sensible hermit got embarrassed. "Regrettably, 'Hakurei Land' was a real thing, yes. We uh... seemed to get so excited and caught up in our ideas that we didn't actually think them through."

"S-so..." Sanae's bewildered expression fixed on Kasen as she gripped her teacup tightly. "It... wasn't Reimu's fault? Even you were partially responsible!?"

"Ahaha..." Kasen rubbed her temple and awkwardly sipped at her tea. "We all eventually realised on New Years Day that our ideas were terrible..."

"Reimu..." Sanae frowned, increasingly ashamed of how far she had let her misunderstanding lose sight of reality. "I'm sorry, I-I... I've been thinking such terrible things about her... A-all that anger I misdirected at her... ugh..."

Kasen held a hand over the table and reassuringly rubbed Sanae's arm, before taking another sip of tea and huffing a gentle laugh. "It's funny though... a Hakurei God who prefers to stay unknown? Those involved with the shrine seemingly cursed with bad ideas or poor financial sense? Sometimes, it feels as if the Hakurei Shrine itself is rejecting the idea of turning a profit."

...

Before Kasen left, she had briefly asked Sanae if anything else had been bothering her. Hesitantly, Sanae mentioned being frustrated at Moriya Shrine's mysteriously dwindling visitor-count - and Kasen reacted by raising a confused eyebrow.

"You really haven't heard? It's been a popular topic in the Human Village for the past week or so..." she gave Sanae a knowing smile. "Either way, you shouldn't put off visiting Reimu much longer. When you do, I imagine you'll figure everything out."

Being confused and restless didn't help Sanae get out of her curfew though; her elders still insisted that she get a full night's sleep no matter what. It did, however, give her the drive to finally visit Reimu the next day.

Instead of lying awake with her heart angrily and obsessively beating at her head's conjured-up narrative, her heartache was a lot simpler and quieter.

She just... missed Reimu. She missed her girlfriend so much.

'I've been so stupid...'

Fondly imagining Reimu's earnest efforts and mistakes, remembering the magnetic chemistry they shared whenever they let they relaxed around each other... Her smile. How she smelled of Hakurei Shrine. The sound of her heartbeat. The way her hands held Sanae’s so tightly. How she gripped the backs of Sanae’s clothing when they hugged.

“Reimu... Reimu...”

Sanae smiled weakly as her fatigued eyelids fell shut, and she slept heavily.

One good night's sleep wasn't enough to clean the evident exhaustion from her eyes of course, but Sanae did her best to pretty herself up regardless: she was going to see her girlfriend after all! She once again adorned her winter-cutest, her yellow scarf tied into a smart-yet-adorable yellow ribbon.

Kanako and Suwako had insisted on taking care of Moriya Shrine's visitors themselves, but it was already late-morning by the time they had finished pampering Sanae enough to allow her to set off.

Sanae's heart was thumping with uncertainty and questions as she finally headed up the steps to Hakurei Shrine.

But when she reached the top... everything seemed to click into place.

There were... visitors. Not a huge number, but more than Sanae had seen at Hakurei Shrine for quite some time. Some of Moriya Shrine's regulars were even among them.

As she slowly looked around the shrine grounds, other things slowly began to make more sense too. The path to the shrine had been diligently cleared of snow, there were flyers on display advertising some kind of evangelical performance due to be held in the Human Village later in the week.

Reimu was standing to side of the shrine grounds. She seemed to be having a little spat with Aunn about something, but something about her seemed a little more... radiant. Despite the cold weather, Reimu's cheeks were pink and full of life, her posture firm. Even her recognisable red ribbon seemed like it was being taken better care of...

Seeing Hakurei Shrine like this immediately filled Sanae's heart with a strange relief. Sure her rival was seemingly sapping her visitors, but Sanae had to admit that there was this wonderful, humble vibe here today. One that made her rethink how obsessive she had been about making Moriya Shrine appear immaculate and flawless.

Sanae shut her eyes and took a deep breath in, enjoying the holy-feeling air. Her shoulders relaxed and the anxious knots in her chest felt as if they were loosening. All this made it a little bit easier for Sanae to wear the confident mask she needed to finally approach Reimu.

All right... here goes nothing! Reimu had worked hard, she deserved to be praised for it!

"No! You're wrong!" Aunn was passionately shouting back at Reimu about something, "Slow and steady wins the race!"

Sanae had barely heard what they were talking about, she was too busy soaking in the shrine’s heartfelt atmosphere as she approached them. "Wow..." she mumbled, finally turning to Reimu. "It feels a little different here."

"You think?" Reimu still seemed a little grumpy about whatever she had been talking with Aunn about, but her eyes subconsciously lit up as she noticed Sanae.

Sanae smiled gently at the reaction, as she stood herself next to Reimu and looked out at the shrine grounds. "How do I put this...? It's less flashy, but more like a shrine now."

'Even compared to my shrine... this feels like how a shrine should feel.' Sanae thought. Her face lit up in surprise that Reimu had once again been a source of inspiration for her, in a weird roundabout way. "I mean, it's amazing!" she beamed at Reimu, a ray of sincerity shining through her plastic mask of confidence.

"O-oh, uh," Reimu's face went beet-red at Sanae's sudden compliment. “...Is it really?”

Sanae's face also suddenly seemed very close to Reimu's. Reimu usually had no problem remaining annoyed with Sanae’s ‘business persona’, but her closeness, her compliment... and the fact that things had been weird between them on top of all that? It made Reimu’s heart race. It filled Reimu with a warmth... but a warmth tinged in an uneasy anxiety.

The suddenness of all these mixed feelings left Reimu staring awkwardly at her girlfriend for a few moments, her face still red.

Sanae nodded enthusiastically and gave Reimu's hand a small, reassuring squeeze. Reimu's eyes virtually lit up, as she suddenly remembered what they were actually talking about. "Y-yes! That's right! I feel like I'd forgotten something important!" Reimu thrust her finger to the sky, grasping at the remaining slivers of her composure, "They say that faith is only achieved through hard work!" sweat beaded on her face as Sanae and Aunn giggled at her awkward attempt at preaching.

The green-head approached Reimu again and nodded. While Reimu seemed to be faking it a little, Sanae... knew how that felt. In spite of everything, she was really, weirdly proud of how much Reimu had turned around her shrine's image in just a few weeks. "Mhm! Good for you!"

In an almost Pavlovian response, Reimu stuck out her chest proudly and stood with her hands on her hips.

'So cute...' Sanae thought. She had really, really missed Reimu's adorable expressions of pride and fluster. She smirked, taken over by an urge to tease the red-white shrine maiden even more, and flung her arms around Reimu's neck. "That's my rival~." she giggled teasingly, before planting her lips comfortably into Reimu's cheek and squeezing her tightly.

As Sanae had hoped, Reimu's face went an adorable bright red and rewarded the green-head with a flustered squeak. Finally things felt... mostly right. A warm relief spread through Sanae’s veins as she scrunched her eyes shut and squeezed Reimu. Resting her head in her girlfriend’s shoulder, she felt Reimu squeeze her back... she felt Reimu’s nose briefly snuggle into her cheek....

‘Reimu... My Reimu...’ Sanae sighed to herself deeply, relaxing as Reimu gently pulled away from the hug.

*SMACK*

“A-ah... ah...?” Sanae lumbered backwards and held her hand to her cheek. Her cheek began to feel hot... really hot. It started to sting. It was much too cold for this kind of sore heat... “R-...Reimu...?”

She stared, wide-eyed, at her girlfriend. The red-white’s expression really put the ‘furious’ in ‘blushing furiously’. A broad frown was spread across Reimu’s face, her red palm outstretched from hitting Sanae.

Suddenly, Sanae’s fake confidence seemed... useless. Reimu’s unexpected reaction had completely undermined it, causing her tense, delicate barriers to topple over and crumble into dust. How could she react? All she could do was stare, her mouth hung open, her hand on her stinging cheek.

“Ugh...” Reimu grumbled. She shook her hand slightly, which actually looked like it may be stinging from how hard it whacked Sanae. “What’s with you?” she said, “You think you can just smooth things over and act like nothing’s happened? You think you can use that plastic smile of yours to snake your way past my defences!? No. No! That’s not fair!!”

Unlike Sanae, who was really struggling to maintain eye-contact amid how ashamed she felt, Reimu effortlessly stared her down, a genuine confidence in her steadfast frown.

Oh, yeah... confrontation was something Reimu was pretty good at. Sanae had almost forgotten.

Sanae opened her mouth to say something, but only a confused squeak made its way out. Her eyes began to dart around in a panic, noticing that many of the shrine’s visitors were now staring at them. Some stared intensely, some nervously, shying away their children.

Aunn tilted her head curiously and poked Reimu from the side. “Uhm... Miss Reimu? Your visitors...”

“Heh.” Reimu’s frown quickly became a grin, her posture straightening to the most confident Sanae had seen her in... a surprisingly long time, actually. “Perfect! Nothing boosts faith quite like the spectacle of danmaku!” she put her hands on her head, shooting a competitive glare at Sanae.

“Wh-what...?” Sanae’s eyes widened in confusion. She tried to stand herself straight and edged towards Reimu. “Reimu... Y-you want to fight me?”

Reimu began to pace around the green-head, eyeing up her prey. “Hmmm... I considered just talking it out like we usually do. But part of me thought I’d still be upset even if you explained everything to me. I want to get what the hell you’re thinking, and I want you to understand me. And what better way to understand one another than with a spell card duel?” she grinned and winked at Sanae, “’Cus that’s Gensokyo common sense.”

The red-white approached her bewildered counterpart and whipped out a thick pile of talisman, passing them to her. “You’ll fight me with these.”

“These are...” Sanae took the pile, getting completely caught up in Reimu’s assertive pace.

“My old homing amulets, the kind I used on the day we first met.” Reimu’s stern expression softened slightly into an awkward smile. “They were gonna be a peace offering gift for you, c-cus I missed you and stuff... but, this feels appropriate.”

A faint blush spread across Sanae’s face at Reimu’s gesture, but her mouth quickly wobbled back into an uncertain panic. “W-wait, but that gives you an unfair handicap!! I don’t know how to use your old amulets!? A-and my own peace offering isn’t anything like-...” she clasped her hands to her mouth.

Reimu smiled and pat Sanae on the back. “Don’t worry, I’ve imbued them with plenty of spiritual power. And they are homing, a shrine maiden of your skill should be able to pick them up pretty quickly. I won’t use homing ofuda myself, so just try to hit me.” she turned away from Sanae and put some space between them, “Prove to me that you deserve them, that I was right to trust your love for me.”

“You better not be looking down on me...” Sanae pouted, awkwardly staring at Reimu out the top of her eyes.

Reimu shook her head and shrugged nonchalantly. “A handicap for you, a handicap for me. I know I sound overconfident but I usually use homing ofuda of some kind, so...”

Sanae’s eyebrow twitched. Reimu was enjoying this way too much. “B-but, since when am I the only bad guy anyway!? What abou-”

“Save it! If you think I’m wrong, you’ll just have to fight me harder!” Reimu held her arms out and floated into the air, setting ofuda up in a thorough pattern around her. “Give me everything you’ve got! Or do you want to give these worshippers the idea that you’d have lost if you took part in the religious wars back then?”

Taunting. Taunting. Reimu was completely, utterly in her element.

Sanae had been taunting Reimu about shrine work so often since they had met that she had almost forgotten how terrifying it was to actually go up against Reimu Hakurei, the incident resolver. Reimu Hakurei, the force of nature. Reimu Hakurei, the hero. The fact that Sanae’s image of Reimu had risen so significantly since back then, too... Sanae was actually much more scared of Reimu’s power now than she had been a decade ago.

Sanae snatched up some of Reimu’s homing amulets and flew up in the air, forcing herself to smile awkwardly. ‘If it’s for an audience...’ she reminded herself, finding it a little easier to fill herself with confidence that way. She flung her arm out, assembling a set of amulets around her. “All right, Reimu... ready when you are.”

Within a fraction of a second, Reimu had the forefingers of her right hand outstretched and Sanae’s head had subconsciously darted to the right, a slip of ofuda grazing her cheek.

Reimu was really taking this seriously, and this subconsciously made familiar frustrations bubble up in Sanae’s heart. Sanae kept moving to the side, beginning to easily dodge Reimu’s onslaught of direct ofuda attacks, and threw a set of amulets back in Reimu’s direction. “Why is that you’re suddenly good at acting serious when you’re in a fight, but when it comes to the shrine it’s so hard to tell!? I got so mad when I thought you weren’t taking Hakurei Shrine seriously... and when I thought you had intentionally ignored my pleads for help...!” Sanae began to shout as her blood started to pump and her movements slowly became less stringent.

Feeling the adrenaline make its way down her cold arm, Sanae threw one of Reimu’s amulet’s much faster than the other sets, catching Reimu off guard and scraping her shoulder. “And you’re mad at me now, even though you could have come to see me all this time but you never did!?” Sanae continued.

Reimu scoffed as her own movements became quicker. “Huh, you were serious about asking for help? I genuinely couldn’t tell through your condescending attitude. It felt more like you’d come all the way just to laugh at how much better than me you were!” Reimu darted a slip to Sanae’s right “And then you did it again,” a quicker ofuda to Sanae’s left “and again.” a lightning-fast attack narrowly missed the top of Sanae’s head “And now you want to blame me for doubting you’d actually have been happy to see me if I came and visited you!?

Dream Sign: Evil-Sealing Circle!!” she shouted relentlessly at the end of her rant, as a barrage of bullets, amulets and ofuda shot out from her in a perfect sphere that would have looked almost like a self-generating firework to any onlookers.

Sanae had seen this move many times before and almost instinctively began to look for familiar holes in the pattern. “I-I didn’t go to laugh at you!” Sanae defensively argued back. “Maybe I went a bit too far, but I got so frustrated seeing you not taking this seriously, jealous that you can just relax and still get by, while I’ve had to work so hard almost all by myself!”

“Quite an assumption to make.” Reimu’s hair stood on end as she shot ofuda through the gaps in her Dream Sign spell, briefly catching her girlfriend off-guard and snagging the left sleeve of her clothing. “I did take it seriously! Did you seriously not notice how stressed I was when you came to see me at the end of last year!? Or were you too wrapped up in ‘Gensokyo according to Moriya Shrine’, no thought for how I worry about my own shrine, no concern for the fact I’ve had to do this literally by myself for most of my life. No komainu, no gods, no nothing.”

Sanae winced as a particularly fast barrage of ofuda engulfed her, grazing her cheek again and even her ear. She peered over to Reimu at the centre of her spell card, noticing her rival's fists were shaking, her breaths stuttered.

She had been bottling up this frustration for quite some time.

“I-I-...” Sanae darted through the gaps in Reimu’s attack, trying to get closer.

Reimu grimaced “I’m sorry you had a tough time dealing with such a big crowd almost by yourself. I am. But you have to understand, I’ve never seen even half that level of success on any New Years shrine visit since I became the Hakurei shrine maiden. Not once! Do you have any idea how that, combined with your snooty attitude, makes me feel!?”

Reimu’s attacks increased in ferocity, but her words were what made it difficult for Sanae to avoid them. Sanae couldn’t help but feel defensive, but she looked at the red-white and could only see that she was hurting too. Sanae shut her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to make herself relax.

She wanted to make a path to Reimu. They had to understand one another.

“Sea Opening: The Day the Sea Split!” Sanae called out her spell card in a clear voice, as what appeared to be waves made up of ocean-blue lasers crashed through Reimu’s spell card while Sanae shot spells directly to her front, piercing an opening in Reimu’s defences and charging through.

“I’m sorry!!” Sanae shouted through to Reimu. “I got so wrapped up in work, too caught up in the idea of competition! And I was so upset by the thought you weren’t taking it seriously, then even more upset when you just kept ignoring me every time I came to visit again after that!”

Her own spell card finally coming to an end, Reimu was forced to quickly escape to the side from Sanae’s direct bullets, a few of them scraping her heel. “You of all people know how it feels to be defensive, right!?” Reimu shouted. “When I thought you were only coming to taunt again, being competitive and confident about our plans was the best way for me to stay positive myself! When in reality all I wanted was for you to just apologise!”

Reimu focused the aim of her shots at Sanae again, reading her movements more carefully as Sanae made her approach.

“I-I really look up to you, Reimu…! And Hakurei Shrine’s role in Gensokyo is amazing… s-so when I heard about 'Hakurei Land’ I just uh…” Sanae laughed awkwardly as she zipped from side to side, nimbly evading Reimu’s attacks to close the space between them while throwing off homing amulets to throw off Reimu’s aim. “I got mad. I didn’t want to see you, I thought you were treating this all like some kind of joke...”

Reimu tilted her head and frowned. “The 'Hakurei Land’ thing was, uh…”

“I-I know.” Sanae continued, trying apologetically to smile sweetly. “Miss Kasen came and told me. I know now that I was wrong, b-but I...”

“Right.” Reimu glared, ramping up her merciless barrage and once again pressuring Sanae further away. “So even after you found out you had been wrong, you still waltzed over here today and acted like nothing happened, even though you must have found out how much your disdainful attitude hurt me? Do you really look back on the past month and think to yourself 'Reimu was totally fine! No sleepless nights, no anxiety for her shrine’s future, no wondering if her asshole girlfriend even gave a shit about her’!?” 

Reimu had maintained eye-contact the entire time, but tears were evidently forming in her red eyes as she spoke, her voice cracking slightly towards the end.

Sanae’s heart fell into her stomach, her lip trembling slightly. Immobilised by shame, she had barely even noticed as ofuda grazed cuts into her cheeks and shoulders one after the other.

She remembered how relieved she was to hear from Aunn that Reimu still loved her, but Reimu never once got that kind of reassurance, did she…? 

“I’m sorry… I was stupid, I took you for granted even though I love you so much, I-…” Sanae mumbled, her attacks notably weakening in intensity.

“I don’t want to hear you calling yourself stupid. You really think I wanna hear my loved ones insulting themselves? You think that’ll fix things!?” Reimu cut her off, keeping the distance between them.

Now more lost for words than ever, Sanae was beginning to tremble slightly herself and hung in the air. “O-okay well, I’m sorry! I’m really, really sorry... I’m sorry for a whole bunch of things! I’m sorry for thinking I was too mature to make mistakes anymore, sorry for convincing myself and everyone around me that my attitude would never hurt anyone...”

“You’re not fighting back, Sanae.” Reimu interrupted and smiled weakly, tears trickling quietly from her eyes. She began to float towards Sanae, firing ofuda off to Sanae’s sides in order to stop her from moving much “I wanna understand what’s going through your head too, but how can I do that if you just roll over and accept defeat? How can we be honest with each other if you’re not gonna be honest with me!?”

Sanae was meekly holding her fists to her face, trying to block Reimu’s ofuda. “Y-you were mad, s-so I...” she focused more on minimising the damage she was taking in a battle she had seemingly given up on. “I just wanted to talk, and now I understand why you’re mad, a-and I’m sorry...”

“You don’t get it! This is a duel!” Reimu’s barrage intensified again as she drew closer to Sanae. “You’re taking all my attacks, trying to understand me, but you’re not trying to make me to understand you! You don’t get to give up because you feel bad for me, where’s all your frustration!? I know you have it, too!”

“I-I’m fine.” Sanae bit her lip, throwing a few clumsy amulets in Reimu’s general direction.

“You’re not fine!” Reimu shouted, “After I slapped you, your mask of confidence snapped like a twig! Your eyes have sickly dark circles, your hair looks weak, your hands are cold and covered in blisters, you’re a complete mess!! You’re not okay at all, are you!?”

“Shut up.” Sanae pouted, tears building in the corners of her eyes. She irritably threw off some other homing amulets, this time directly, yet lazily, in the direction Reimu was flying towards her from. “What do you want from me? I’m here, saying I’m sorry, telling you I messed up. What are you getting out of humiliating me? Do you not believe I’m sorry? Do you want me to make more excuses!? Why can’t you just drop this!?”

“Humiliating you? Aren’t you doing that to yourself? Stand up for yourself! Fight. BACK.”

Sanae was getting irritated. She gripped her head in annoyance, meekly throwing off some amulets again, now clenching her teeth. “I am fighting, the difference in power between us is just too great...!”

“Bullshit.” Reimu grinned. “That’s an excuse! You’re fighting even worse than you did when we first met! Back when you poured all your hopes and frustrations into our fight. Back when you bitterly clutched at the earth when you lost!!”

“These are your ofuda, I can’t use them!!”

“Excuses!! You’re not standing up for yourself!” Reimu bellowed, speeding her attacks further and grazing Sanae’s stomach. “You’re better than that, you’re a shrine maiden! You’re a goddess!!”

“St-stop putting so much pressure on me! Leave me alone!!” Sanae clutched at her noisily thumping head and scowled. “Wh-why are you doing this to me, R-Reimu!? I l-love y-...”

A mere instant later though, Reimu had already completely closed the distance between them. She snatched Sanae’s scarf and collar in her hands and glared her firmly in the eyes, Sanae subconsciously clutching her wrists to try and pry them off her.

“Pressure? You mean all the pressure you put on yourself?” Reimu frowned, her face red from exasperation, “Look at you. You’re barely holding together, but even now when I’m trying to make you scream at me you still insist on pretending you’re okay!!”

“Look. I know I worked too hard this year, I got scolded for it all day yesterday.” Sanae grimaced, tugging at Reimu’s hands, digging her nails into Reimu’s wrists slightly. “So stop worrying about me, I’ll be fine.”

“And when it happens again?” Reimu scowled, pressing her forehead aggressively to Sanae’s. “You never told anyone how much you were struggling, even though I was right there. Even though I wanted to see you all year.”

Sanae scowled back, her face reddening, tears mounting in her eyes, frustrated adrenaline pumping from her head through her arms. “Don’t act like you’re the only one who wanted us to be able to see each other. So what, then? What have I been working so hard for, if people just turn around and tell me I’m working too hard?”

“That’s not the point!” Reimu’s voice escalated again “You’re not supposed to work just for praise! You’re supposed to work for your livelihood, and you’re part of that livelihood!” the red-white’s face neared Sanae’s, her eyes furious with worried tears. “You have to tell someone when you’re not okay, Sanae! You can tell me when you’re not okay!!”

“Aaaaaagggh!!” Sanae screamed, shoving Reimu off her with far more force than she had used so far today as frustration boiled over through the tips of her fingers. “Shut up! Get off my damn case! I’m tired of all the condescending lectures!!”

Reimu grinned, but her smile was quickly interrupted by one of Sanae’s homing amulets knocking her off-guard and thwacking her in the arm from behind.

“Pressure? You wanna know what I think about pressure!? When you come to another world where everything’s different, when everyone you know is a youkai or superhuman or god, when you have divine powers and everyone you know boasts about you,” words began to tumble from Sanae’s throat as she ramped up a flurry of unreadable attacks, “when you have a loving family so you don't feel comfortable complaining to your lonely friends, but a family who’ve been through so much that you don’t want to complain to them either!?

Reimu was being pushed back, her eyes darting in every direction as she tried to anticipate the direction Sanae’s chaotic homing amulets could strike her from next - but her eyes were wide in excitement, and a thrilled smile was spread across her face.

“Esoterica: Gray Thaumaturgy!!“ Sanae yelled, setting another spell card in motion as bullet formations in the shape of huge stars began to scatter in the sky while she kept the pressure on Reimu with her amulets, “A-and yeah! I admit it!! When the one person I thought I could turn to, someone I thought was my kindred spirit, looked like she was taking everything in her stride!? I thought, well! I couldn’t possibly bother her with my selfish crap either, could I!?” tears welled up in Sanae’s eyes as she screamed at Reimu, darting quickly after the red-white to prevent her from escaping her danmaku.

“Even though I’ve lived here ten years, even though I’m surrounded by people who love me, it’s so easy to feel overwhelmed. In the outside world I was special, but now it’s so easy to feel weak. It’s so easy to feel like... in a world where everyone is special, the only thing I have that makes me stand out is when I make myself constantly exceptional.” Sanae managed to narrow Reimu into one of her spell card’s star-patterns, closing her from leaving as homing amulets drew towards her from behind.

“Being told that my workaholic side, my confident persona, is actually harmful not just to myself but to my loved ones... and knowing that the person I love most, the person I look up to most, thinks that too...!?”

Sanae laughed bitterly to herself as she rebounded one homing amulet off another, sending it hurtling towards Reimu’s only potential escape route much faster than Reimu had predicted. “Well... sorry if it’s a tough pill to swallow.”

“Ehehe.” Reimu smiled sheepishly, sweat beading on her forehead, “Yeah, that makes sense.” The red-white’s eyes darted around for another way out. All she could manage was to hold her arms in front of her face though, as Sanae’s direct aimed homing amulets hurtled towards her front, and one of Sanae’s star-shaped bullet patterns closed imminently around her.

...

“Reimu...” Sanae frowned as she bent over, a long lock of her silky green hair awkwardly slipping down her fringe. Her girlfriend was laying on the ground, covered in scrapes. “If you’re playing dead, I’m going to smack you.”

The red-white languidly turned her head to face Sanae, grinning. “No, no! I’m just... ahhaha... wow... you really got my heart racing towards the end, there.” Reimu panted, taking another few heavy breaths. “That was the most fun I’ve had in a spell card duel in... well, a while I guess.”

Sanae pouted, but sheepishly held her hand out. Reimu eagerly clasped onto it, and was pulled to her feet. Feeling their hands tightly gripping each other’s, Reimu eagerly threw her arms around Sanae as she finally came to a stand and pressed her face tightly into Sanae’s cheek. “You’re way better at this than you think you are! That’s my rival!!” Reimu giggled.

The green-head had been marred with a complex flurry of emotions, but her expression finally softened. A warm smile spread across her face as she wrapped her arms receptively around Reimu’s head and heaved a tired sigh to herself. She pulled Reimu tightly into herself, burying her nose in Reimu’s shoulder, not wanting to let go.

As the racing of their hearts and their rapid breaths began to calm, the sounds of faint muttering and clapping became apparent.

Oh, yeah...  there had been an audience. That’s right.

“Reimu.” Sanae squeezed her girlfriend’s shoulder. 

“Yeah.” Reimu nodded and let go. “I may not have your public face, but I learnt a thing or two about fighting for performance from those religious wars, remember?”

Sanae giggled. Still holding hands, the two of them faced the crowd and bowed gently, then waved. The number of visitors seemed to have risen even further since the fight had started. Of course, Aunn was among them, probably clapping and cheering the most excitedly out of anyone.

“Thanks!” Reimu shouted as she waved. “And remember, I’ll be in the village later this week for other performances of evangelism! Don’t forget to donate to our shrines, our gods will surely share their power with you!”

Reimu felt a squeeze on her hand and looked to face Sanae, who wore an amused grin. “That was actually pretty good.”

“Mm? Well, my girlfriend’s pretty good at that kinda thing, so I may have picked up a thing or two from her as well.” Reimu smirked confidently as she gently tugged Sanae in the direction of the shrine building. “And speaking of which, I gotta say that probably the worst thing you did to me earlier today was kiss me while still doing that ‘fake confidence’ thing. Now I think I’m developing a crush on the only part of you I used to find really annoying.”

A bright pink flushed across Sanae’s cheeks, a meek surprise shining in her eyes. As she followed after Reimu, she shut her eyes calmly and smiled. “That’s a shame, I guess I’ll just have to keep kissing you to make up for it.”

...

Reimu walked delicately into the living area, a tray of tea and rice snacks cluttering gently in her hands. She set it down on the low table, poured a hot cup of tea for Sanae, and sat herself on a cushion next to the green-head. Sanae affectionately ruffled her girlfriend’s black hair, then took the teapot and poured Reimu’s cup for her.

The couple took quiet sips from their hot tea and sighed contently. Being physically exhausted, covered in scratches and bruises, throats sore from shouting, the tea was almost as satisfying as the tight hug they shared at the end of their battle.

“So... what was that?” Sanae smiled sheepishly, glancing at Reimu out the corner of her eyes.

“Hey, it worked, didn’t it?” Reimu grinned proudly. “I wanted us to let off some steam in a way I knew we wouldn’t achieve just by arguing. Again.” she leaned her weight into Sanae slightly, which surprised the green-head a little as her teacup jittered in her hands. “Plus it was fun! I really missed duelling you.”

Sanae nodded and smiled gently to herself... So that was why Reimu was so bothered that Sanae wasn’t fighting back.

Spell card duels aren’t just a way to peacefully resolve incidents. They’re a way for two people who barely know each other to passionately clash their personalities, their hopes, their frustrations. If one person just isn’t into it, how are they supposed to understand one another?

That’s how it had been when Reimu and Sanae first met.

When a younger, more naive Sanae had put everything she had in trying to prove that Moriya Shrine had a place in Gensokyo, that she had a place in Gensokyo. That was when Reimu had reached her hand out to that lonely, overwhelmed, and frustrated girl for the very first time.

It was actually surreal how relaxed Sanae felt after all that. If Reimu hadn’t been the one to suggest it, Sanae would have felt almost ashamed by how much a little blood-pumping spell card duel had helped her to vent her frustrations and anxieties out.

But it wasn’t as if their tensions had completely dispersed, either. Tired, warm, and eager for more assurance, Reimu and Sanae spent a good while talking things through. Apologising. Understanding each other. It was something they had gotten pretty good at over the years.

Reimu got to have her duel, so Sanae got to have the talk she wanted. It was only fair, yet being prefixed by the battle made them both far less guarded, far more willing to listen.

Before they knew it, the apologies were over and they were talking about everything. They had barely seen each other all year, after all.

One tangent constantly led to another, they had to keep revisiting subjects, interrupting each other, laughing, indulging, reminding each other what they were talking about. It suddenly dawned on both of them that they had a ridiculous amount to catch up on, and the longer they talked without pause the more they felt like they couldn’t wait to share even more, that there was no one they'd rather be talking to.

They took opportunities to stare smitten gazes as they watched the other speak, doting flames kindling away comfortably in their hearts.

‘How has it been so long? How did we ever let it get as bad as it did?’

In the blink of an eye, hours had passed. They had talked about everything from Sanae worrying about overthinking Moriya Shrine, to how Reimu was coping with a komainu as a full-time addition to shrine life, to Sanae’s old ‘kindred spirits’ thing.

Actually, to Sanae’s surprise, Reimu had similar thoughts.

Both of them felt like because the other was in their life, they could stay grounded. Grasp a better idea of who they were, where they were, who they wanted to be.

“Ahh, man.” Reimu suddenly interrupted and shot a look outside - it was already getting dark. She stretched her arms up into the air, pulling on her elbow above her head. “I-it’s getting late, I should probably get some more work done.” she stood up and began to walk towards her boots outside the room.

Sanae blinked, her jaw hung open slightly. Their third or fourth pot of tea had already fallen lukewarm, but she wasn’t used to Reimu being so eager to work.

Then Sanae blinked again as a realisation hit her, “W-wait! Wait!”

“Uh?” Reimu turned back towards Sanae, who was shuffling around with her scarf and her things. She quickly pulled something out and quickly crawled back over the tatami towards Reimu.

“U-uhm...” Sanae scratched her face. “I’m not sure it’s anywhere near as sentimental as the homing amulets you gave to me, but I have my own peace offering.”

The green-head held Reimu’s hand in her free one, and outstretched their palms together. Then, she placed a fairly small, fluffy thing on Reimu’s hand.

It was about the size of a snowball, a round, blue thing with a long tadpole-like tail and a pinky-red nose. Or was it a mouth? By far the most striking thing about it though, was the big black swirl on its belly.

It was a little scruffy, its tail was awkwardly bent and one of its eyes seemed to have some worn stitching. It looked really well-loved.

Reimu looked at Sanae in confusion, holding the thingy in her outstretched palms. Sanae blushed again, but looked Reimu earnestly in the eyes as she spoke. “It’s a plushie of Poliwag, a Pokémon. It’s uhm... from that thing Pikachu is from.”

Some of the confusion in Reimu’s eyes lightened. Just a bit, but it seemed that she at least remembered who Pikachu was from the previous times Sanae had mentioned it over the years.

Sanae continued, “Poliwag is sentimental to me, personally... it’s a tadpole, a baby frog. Lady Suwako doesn’t know much about games... but she learnt about Poliwag and got this for me as a gift when I was a kid.” she giggled “she told me that if I ever doubt myself, I should remember that Poliwag is still a fledgling too, that still has plenty of time to grow...”

“You’re... giving this to me?” Reimu stared at it. “This kinda seems even more sentimental than the homing amulets...” she pouted.

“Oh, it’s okay!” Sanae giggled awkwardly and closed Reimu’s hand over it, sitting down next to her again. “I don’t use it much anymore. Just think of it like I’m entrusting an old piece of my heart, a sign of my love! Or...” Sanae awkwardly rubbed her head, “you can use to remember that your girlfriend can still be a dumb baby tadpole sometimes.”

Reimu snorted a laugh, and Sanae laughed awkwardly with her. The red-white knelt up slightly and fondly stroked Sanae’s hair.

“My girlfriend can be dumb, but I can be dumb too. So... that’s actually kind of relieving sometimes. You’re definitely not a baby though.” she beamed warmly at the green-head. “You’ve grown so much and gotten so strong that the day we met, that I can hardly believe you’re the same person sometimes. You don’t have to overwork yourself, or perform amazing miracles, for me to see you as one of the most exceptional people I’ve ever met.”

“R-Reimu... I love you...” Sanae sighed as her jittery expression calmed, her mouth melting into a wobbly smile and a light pink brushing her cheeks. “You’re kinda different too. You’ve gotten almost too good at being cheesy...”

“Sometimes I feel like I’m going to literally explode from how in love with you I am, Sanae.” Reimu pouted playfully and raised an eyebrow. “It’s a serious problem.”

“Reimu!!” Sanae squealed, her face falling several shades pinker. “Are you trying to make me explode!?”

But Reimu was now staring at the Poliwag doll, grinning. “Actually... I was just thinking I’d miss you when I go out working again, but now I can cuddle this every night while I sleep. Thank you, Sanae.”

“Wh-!?” Sanae blurted out, her face shooting to an even deeper red, “R-Reimu that’s... embarrassing.”

“Hey, you gave it to me, so it’s mine now! My own little piece of Sanae.” Reimu possessively wrapped her arms around the little blue Pokémon plush and turned back away to head outside. A blush spread across her own face as she grinned back at Sanae, “If you don’t like it, we’ll just have to live together, huh?”

Sanae’s mouth wobbled, her cheeks pinked as she wrapped her mind around Reimu’s vague invitation. “W-well, of course I want to, b-but I...” she blubbered as Reimu continued to put her boots on and wrap up warm.

She was still possessively holding the doll.

“H-hey, where are you taking it!?” Sanae scrambled to get her things together and follow after Reimu.

Reimu hummed nonchalantly as she slid open the front door of her shrine and turned back to Sanae again. “It’s gonna help me work hard. Wait ‘til people hear a little piece of Sanae’s heart is working for Hakurei Shrine now!”

“Reimu!!” Sanae exasperatedly scrambled her own boots on. “Y-you don’t need to do that... I’ll just go with you and help you myself!” she awkwardly, but determinedly nodded. “I uh... missed you, after all.”

The red-white shrine maiden stopped and turned around, her playful grin becoming a more shy smile as she looked down at the doll in her arms. “In that case... let’s at least make better use of the ropeway this year and see each other way more often. Promise?”

Sanae’s mind whirred for a few moments as she tried to form an excuse out of habit. No! They could easily see each other at least once a week, maybe even more. She needed to overwork herself less, she needed to see Reimu more. There was really... no good reason to object.

“... Promise.” Sanae nodded, her mouth in a determined v-shape.

Reimu smiled warmly for a moment, before her eyes shot open again. “O-oh, but I really do want to keep the shrine work going while it’s rolling! Come on!”

Sanae smiled sweetly, proudly at her girlfriend. She picked up her things and followed the red-white outside.

‘I’m glad... she’s really taking the shrine thing seriously this year.'

Predictably, Hakurei Shrine was back to the brink of poverty again within a few months.

Still, having a doting girlfriend from a family of doting gods meant that Reimu Hakurei never felt like she had to struggle alone anymore.

In fact, Reimu had never felt more comfort and security in her life as she did now.