Archive of Our Own ^beta

Morning in the Tam house had a certain rhythm to it. In the spring breakfast was always in the solarium. In addition to seasonal fruit and zhou, everyone had their hot caffeinated beverage of preference. Regan was crazy about coffee, Gabriel believed in the powers of a steeped pot of tea to both stimulate and sooth the mind. Usually each read the news or reviewed their daily schedule, but not on that day.

River watched her parents watch Simon as he entered and chose tea. He dearly wanted its claimed powers of serenity, but that wasn't possible, not that day.

"So, son, have you made your decision?" asked Gabriel

Simon took a deep breath. "Yes. And I'm already second and third guessing my choice of medical schools. It would be so much easier if I knew what my future held."

River sighed. Sometimes her brother could be so linear.

"River, we've spoken of this before. Sighing – and eye rolling – are not acceptable ways of communicating in this family," Regan chided. "Is there something you would like to add to the conversation?"

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Each day is filled with a multitude of choices, both those we control and those others make. When those choices are then combined in near infinite combinations, the result is an infinite number of futures."

"Is that supposed to comfort me, mei mei?" asked Simon, his face slightly bemused but mostly panicked.

She supposed she could do better at reassuring her big brother. "While there are infinite futures, you are healer, Simon, no matter what the degree or where. As for me, while my current interests indicate a high probability of becoming a physicist, it is also possibly I'll meet the captain of a pirate vessel and take up a life of crime."

"And he'll sweep you off your feet," asked Simon, his eyes dancing.

"No, I'll sweep him off his," she answered primly, causing him to laugh, just as she had wanted.

~~~

Thinking back, River wonders at her younger self, even as she marvels at her other self, the one that sent this rugged, sun-kissed maverick to her.

Mal gives a wide berth to the machine, as if it were a mule that might kick out when least expected. "How you feeling 'bout this contraption of yours, darling?"

River Tam's 'contraption' is a time machine. A rather elegant one at that, with beams that curve like a dancer's body. No reason, in her opinion, it can't have form as well as function.

Truth be told, time travel doesn't require a physical machine. This is what she concluded after significant trial and error. However, for those who find holding all the maths in their minds unwieldy, the machine embodies the necessities.

"She'll fly you true," River tells him, and can see he's remembering the future again. Well, his past and her future.

He stops his circuit of the machine, as close to her as possible without touching, his eyes fixed on the object scheduled to separate them in the hopes they can come back to each other properly. "Reckon it's more'n a mite unfair. In nary an eye's blink I'll be back in my time and either you'll be by my side on my ship or wherever you are in the 'verse I'll be allowed to find you as quick as a lamb's shake. Whereas you, you'll need to wait near on a year and some 'for we can meet up."

"You waited a year for me," she reminds him.

The other River's time machine landed him back in 2513, well over a year out from when she would be invited to attend the Academy. A decision with so many unexpected consequences that her future self that Mal would volunteer to go back in time to make sure it didn't happen. How bad off was her other self that she'd go against every law of time? (Even if they mainly came from science fiction.)

Once he got his bearings, he'd realized 2513 was 'a mite too soon." She was too young, the invitation attend the Academy didn't exist. The Academy didn't exist. Too many risks in how she'd react. So he'd bided his time.

Mal always redirected her inquiries to what he'd done during that year, but deduction told her certain things. He'd had to stay far away from any place he might meet himself or his friends. Or enemies for that matter, which were not in short supply. And worst, far away from his true home, Serenity.

"Woulda waited a score more, iffen I'd needed."

Even after finding her, he's had to wait in world that isn't his until she could build another time machine. How did he manage it? Being constantly surrounded by the types of people he'd always avoided. The rich, the powerful, those who had supported unification. People like her family. Yet he tamped down his revulsion somehow, least most days. And he did it for her. Her. Not just for her that would be and was, but her own self in the now. It was almost as difficult to wrap her head around as the equations for time travel.

In all the time she's known him (862 days), she can count on one hand the number of times he's touched her. And she's respected his need for that boundary. But today's different. So she reaches out, twining her fingers in his.

They stand together for what feels both eternal and fleeting. With a squeeze her of hand, he says, "Guess I better be getting' myself ready."

"Yes." Her fingers tingle. Her mind says it's the adrenaline kicking in for this unprecedented scientific moment (for this version of herself at least); that adrenaline is pulling the blood to her core, away from her extremities. But her heart knows elsewise. That truth that his touch has always done this to her, no matter which River she is.

He returns in clothes she's never seen before. Red shirt, tan pants with suspenders, gun belt and holster, scarred boots, and, of course, a brown long coat, scarred and supple – like him. There's a set to his shoulders, a rightness to his stride that she's rarely glimpsed. This is Malcolm Reynolds. Even if the government wasn't pressing for information on her project, she would need to let him go. Return him to not just to his time, but his place in it.

He kneels to adjust the laces on his boots. "Now Zoe, she's not one for fuss and frills, not in the everyday. But Wash figured her birthday weren't everyday, and being a man desperate to court a woman who was set on staying beyond his reach, he set his cap on giving her Persephone for her birthday. She was so flustered – in her own stoic way – we made it an annual affair."

Looking up and meeting her eyes he says, "Her day is near about this time of year. Dong ma?"

She grins in answer. Standing, he responds with that lop-sided smile she could never forget, no matter when.

He tips he head toward the machine. "All set?"

"Yes," she whispers.

With a nod, he strides toward the entrance.

"Now might be a good time to tell me the first rule of flying."

He stops at the threshold. "Pretty sure you know by now."

"Yes. But I want – I need to hear you say it."

"Love." Then he steps through, and is gone.

~~~

The same day she sets an audition with the Persephone Ballet Company, throwing herself into near constant practice. She decides it best to reach fait accompli before telling her parents, but she can't hold out on Simon. Not when he's helping her dismantle and disguise her work, risking so much with so few questions.

"Their medical facilities are quite sound."

She sticks her tongue out at him. "'Break a leg' is a figure of speech."

His smile is shy, almost uncertain. "Where you go, I go, mei mei."

How could she not love him completely?

Simon doesn't even wait for the results of her audition before submitting his vita. Though they share an apartment, she rarely sees him. His days, and often evenings filled with patients. Soon rehearsals and performances fill her waking hours. Every night, even when she's so tired she has no energy to pull of her sweat soaked leotard, she does. Then pulls his shirt over her head, the one left behind. The one that still carries his scent. Closing her eyes, she wraps her arms around herself, imagining they are his. And her dreams are filled with flying lessons.

~~~

Things began to go sideways even before Mal returns.

She and Simon are sharing a rare breakfast together. She has just rolled off the shell off a hard cooked egg when he slides a box across the table.

"Do you think she'll like it?" he asks.

Her horror could not have been greater if she was opening Pandora's box. Inside is a lavender diamond of exquisite beauty. Kaylee would love it, but he hasn't met her yet, let alone fallen in love. And if not, her, who?

"Is that an engagement ring?" she asks, postponing an answer to the original question.

He looks turn to uncertainty. "Is it too soon?"

Yes, she wants to scream, but she can't tell him about their future that isn't, exactly. Finally she remembers. Diana. The woman he 'happened' to meet at the soiree given by friends of their parents. They'd been so insistent that they (particularly Simon) attend that it was unsurprising when her brother was introduced to a woman with whom he was decently matched in status, education, and personality.

Looking back, River scolded herself for not paying closer attention. Given her brother's dedication to his work, not to mention his ability to put his foot in his mouth, she had assumed this relationship would crash and burn in its own time. In time for them both to join Serenity.

River pulls herself back to the now. "Have you talked of marriage?"

"Not talked, as much as Diana has dropped a couple of hints."

Given Simon's frequent obtuseness, those dropped hints must have been seismic booms.

She tips her head, as if it will help her see him better. "And you? Do you feel ready to marry?" She can't even bring herself to say Diana's name.

He doesn't answer right away, but as he always had, gives full consideration to her question. His eyes go dreamy as he thinks of Diana. "Very nearly."

An answer that both relives and frightens her. "Seems to me," she says slowly, "that kind of commitment requires an absolute certainty."

He nods. "River, for someone who never has time to even date, you do understand love."

She can't help but think of Mal and how he'd put him complete faith in her.

The box is closed and its contents tucked away. For now. Until its contents fly out again.

~~~

The susurrus of low voices fills the auditorium. It is a sound that both soothes and excites River, counting closer to the call of "Places!"

As she dances, she feels eyes upon her, but is illogical, as a thousand eyes are fixed on her. But the weight of this is different. For a mere fraction she fears it is Official Authorities, then chides herself. What she feels is not the weight of darkness, but of... light. Of… life. Of… love.

Mal.

She knows to the very marrow of his bones that he is there. She can defy everything, including gravity, and she flies.

~~~

She races through her post-show pattern, or at least she tries to because all she can think of is finding Mal. But everyone wants to talk to her, tonight of all nights! Not just talk to her, but go on and on about her performance. Her cheeks flame more than once because she had forgotten there was anyone there but Mal. She really hadn't meant to show her heart like that.

Finally, she shakes of the endless well-wishers. Reaching her dressing room, she darts inside, firmly locking the door behind her. And there he is, his eyes so blue, so deep she could drown in them. Before thought can catch up with her, she runs to him, wrapping arms and legs around him, something akin to a sob pressing out of her.

"'Salright, Little One," clutching her nearly at tight. "I'm here."

~~~

River pulls Mal with her into the apartment. "Simon? Are you home? You better be home. I have news!"

From around the corner, in the living room she hears his voice. "So do we!"

She's not sure which of them is the most shocked. Simon seeing her with a stranger. A strange stranger by their family's standards. Or herself, seeing Simon and Diana together. Arms wrapped around one another, grinning as if they'd swum in champagne.

"Who is your friend, River?" His voice carries father's cool tones and they chill her heart.

Before she can answer, Diana pipes in, nearly bouncing. "Tell them, Simon, before I explode."

But he doesn't need to say anything with Diana holding out her hand, flashing the diamond. She tries to look happy and not horrified, particularly with what she learns.

Simon complies, saying, "We were at the ballet and your performance was—"

"—poignant," offers Diana. "Which is completely insufficient for what it did to me." She looks to Simon. "To us."

Simon gazes back at her, transfixed. "Suddenly I was more certain of Diana, of us, than I've been of anything in my life."

"Oh, that's… I didn't realize… Simon." It's miserably incoherent. But better than what would have been said, if she finishes any of those sentences.

Mal steps forward, releasing her hand for he can offer it to Simon. "Well, then let me be the first outside the family to offer my congratulations."

This sets off the melee of this-calls-for-a-celebration. Including champagne and waving first Diana's parents then the Tams, even though it is a ridiculous hour of the night. In the distractions of the engagement, Mal slips away. River knows it's best, since he's still playing hopscotch with what's legal and not quite so legal.

He doesn't say goodbye, but instead whispers Serenity's docking coordinates in her ear. It calms her. If he can so calmly hold true to the course they've charted, then so can she. Nothing in the 'verse will stop them. Even if Simon never joins the crew.

She reminds herself of the truths she knows. The patterns of those in their socio-economic status and class standing suggest that even siblings follow divergent interests and grow apart, particularly as they create their own nuclear families. She had hoped, if irrationally, Simon would join her. But her calculations had told her there were few and finite futures where they would stay close. Even if she had sabotaged his relationship with Diana. She isn't good enough for her brother (but is anyone), but Diana is neither cruel nor catty, which is no small feat in their circles. And to the best of River's intensive investigation, genuinely cares for Simon.

It should make it easier to separate, knowing he's not alone, but it still breaks her heart. Particularly when he tries to dissuade her.

"River, this is lunacy. Your art hasn't even begun to peak. You have so much untapped potential. Look at last night's performance."

"Mal is what made last night possible."

"That's ridiculous."

"Love makes the ridiculous possible." She thought that would at least give him pause, but it doesn't.

"You're being childish!"

It's like a slap and he knows it, if belatedly.

"Good-bye, Simon." Brushing a kiss across his cheek, she leaves, her steps increasing in speed until her feet fly beneath her.

~~~

Transcendent is the word more than one reviewer described her art that night. A declaration of love in her every moment, down to the tip of her head and the sweep of her lashes. If that didn't electrified the ballet world sufficiently, the next weekend's news overwhelms circuits. Like those gothic tales from Earth-that-was, Mlle River Tam is gone. Not just from the ballet company, but there was no trace of her anywhere planetside.

~~~

During the various stops and stalls of rehearsal, River had studied the specs for the Serenity class, as well as the basic science of flight. But knowing wasn't the same as being. As she steps onto the bridge, she knows what home is.

"Hey! There you are," says Wash, spinning around and out of his seat, shaking her hand. "River, right? Pleasure to meet you. Your performance was amazing. I thought Zoe was going to pop out our little one then and there."

"You were there?" she asks in wonder.

"You shoulda seen the look Zoe gave the Captain when he said we were all—"

"—that's enough, Wash. Why don't you check on my fist mate while I finish giving River her tour."

"Aye, Captain." Wash looks between herself and Mal more than once before leaving, clearly fighting the desire to say something more. He smiles and offers, "I'll give you a primer on all of Zoe's looks later. It's like a whole second language she speaks. Or possibly it's her first language."

Mal puts more stare in his stare.

"I'm gone, I'm gone," promises Wash, then calls over his shoulder, "Good to meet you!"

In the vacuum of quiet left by Wash's departure, River finds herself shy. Not just of Mal, though is the most familiar-yet-not person in her new world. She's also she around Serenity. "Hello," she offered, as she ran her fingers along the edge of the consol. "It's good to finally meet."

"Iffen the other past is any indicator, the two of you will get on like peas in a pod."

She gathers her courage and turns to him. "And what about you and me?"

He looks like her as if he's reading her soul and expects she can do likewise. "Iffen that brother of yours were here, I'd be asking his permission to court you."

Her cheeks pink with pleasure and she smiles to the curl of her toes. "Really."

Somehow, even with the fan of laugh lines around his eyes, he looks boyish as he grins back at her. Then the mischief is back in his eyes. "No. 'Cuz iffen he were here, he'd be crew. And a Captain doesn't ask anyone in his crew for permission, not even your brother. Or mayhaps especially not your brother."

River laughs with him, and it helps ease the separation. "Tweaking Simon is rather hard to resist."

"But that don't mean I ain't gonna court you, Miss River Tam. Slow like, giving us both a chance to find our footing."

~~~

River's on the bridge with Wash when the claxon goes off.

"Kaylee," Mal calls over the intercom, "what's wrong with my boat?"

"I'm looking Cap'n!" Then Kaylee screams.

"Kaylee!" Mal shouts.

River swallows, trying to sort out what to do. "I better go help," she says, sounding far more tentative than she means to.

Wash nods. "Not that you'll have much luck, but try to keep my wife from doing anything too heroically stupid."

She runs through the corridor, mapping in her head the quickest route. She's about to slide down a ladder when Mal's voice booms out again.

"River, get to the infirmary. Try to find whatever will help burns. Steam burns."

With a dash to the comp box, she replies, "Aye, Captain."

She makes it to the infirmary and begins rooting around. Painkillers are a given. There's dema regen, but that's not right away. Her hands are just on the foam pack when Mal sweeps in with Kaylee, placing her quick and easy on the table.

She's mostly unconscious and that's a gift, but even in that state, her moans make River's stomach quiver. River tosses him the hypo and he tags it to her neck, and the stiffness leaves Kaylee's body and the moans subside.

With a knife from somewhere, he cuts off Kaylee's shirt and River pulls at the pieces imbedded in the skin, so thankful for the tranq.

"I found the burn foam. It's got disinfectant in it too. So once the foreign matter's out of the way, I think we just spray it on," River says, feeling like her own voice is a million miles away.

"Good," he grunts, his eyes never leaving Kaylee.

Zoe joins them, reporting that the engine room is alright for now, then taking over as field medic. River gladly lets her, stumbling from the infirmary, not even sure where she's going. In the lounge, she doesn't have the energy to reach the couch, just sliding down a wall until she can bury her head in her knees.

Her only thought is wishing Simon were here like he should be.

~~~

River ducks below a pipe as she returns to where Kaylee's reclining, her whole right side still too tender for work, but refusing to be kept down. The least River can do is be her hands and feet. "Water valve is closed, and the excess siphoned back."

"Good! See that wrench there?" Kaylee asks, pointing with the same said tool.

River picks it up, pleased to finally be able to select it without excessive consideration.

Kaylee toes a towel toward. "You'll need this too. Can't figure why they put that pipe so high up. No decent way to get a catch bucket under it."

"There's already some water pooling here," River reports.

"Can ya feel if the pipe's wet?"

River runs her fingers along the underside, nodding in the affirmative.

"Makes it near a certainty we found the right one. Now ya just need to loosen those connecting part on each side."

It's tight, which makes sense, otherwise that would be the source of the leak. Leverage, River reminds herself.

"I sure can't wait for Zoe 'n Wash to have their baby," Kaylee babbles. "Babies just make everyone happy."

River tries to remember the last time she saw a baby. She had always around children older than herself and neither of her previous careers were baby friendly. Has she ever held a baby?

"'Sides the joy of a baby, it'll be nice to have Zoe back on jobs. Been kinda lean with only taking ones that don't require shooting. Not that the Cap'n ever wants shooting jobs, but somehow they seem to turn out that way a lot. Jayne's a good shot and all, but without Zoe in the mix? It's like the Cap'n don't have his right arm. Okay, that's good."

Wasn't until the accident that River had given any thought to how the crew was comprised, realizing how extraneous she was. Sure, she'd learned to fly, but so could Wash, Zoe, and Mal. She couldn't fight or shoot and couldn't repair parts or people. But at least some of that she could change. With a last grunt, the joint came free.

"Kept hoping when the Cap'n started making noises about adding crew in preparation for the baby that mayhaps he'd happen to find a fella to fill in." Kaylee grins wickedly. "Mayhaps fill in more than one way."

River can't help but smile back, if not quite to wickedly. "Sorry to be such a disappointment."

"Shoot, you can't help having girl parts and liking boys… boys like the Cap'n."

River feels herself blush. She's never had a friend, not one like Kaylee who will share her heart and offer to care for yours too. "There's no one quite like him."

"And the way he looks at you?" Kaylee's whole face glows. "If a fella ever looked that way at me, I'd orgasm right then 'n there."

"I've seen plenty of guys look at you," River says, half pretending she didn't hear what Kaylee just said.

"Not like that."

~~~

"How many different guns do you have?" River asks Jayne as they share galley clean-up.

"Come down to my bunk and I'll show you. Even show you my big gun," he says, thrusting his hips forward and leering.

She rolls her eyes at him. "I realize that you're hardwired to make a sexual pass at anything female, so now that you've got that out of your system, can we try again? I want to learn to shoot. Will you teach me?"

"Pofu," he mutters.

"Merc," she mutters back, mimicking his tone.

That garners a smile. "You're asking me cuz I'm the best shot." He's got a cock-sure leer again, but it's about pride and not sex.

"With Zoe's center of gravity temporarily altered, you've moved up in the rankings."

"Gorram right," he says. Then is brow creases up in the thinking look. "Hey…"

It's wrong to tease when he's at least three steps behind, so she redirects. "You've definitely got the best collection of guns, from what I hear. And I'd like to be proficient at a variety of weapons."

"I do. And why not? Be less a liability, iffen you could shoot."

She'd be offended, if it wasn't close to her own conclusion.

"Just don't get no ideas about touching Vera."

"I'd never get between you and your dance partner."

~~~

River can't wait to find Mal. The afternoon's tutorial went better than she'd hoped. She shrugs another gun over her left shoulder to balance it with the ones on her right. "Are these things rabbits? Swear they multiplied on the field."

"Shit, wouldn't that beat all iffen guns bred? Save me all kinds of coin," says Jayne.

They're still laughing about it as they climb the gangplank onto Serenity. Until they see Mal standing on the plank, cold anger drifting off him.

"Hey, Mal," Jayne calls out. "Something go south?"

"Got the parts fine." Mal stares at River. "Just some specs laid out different than they ought."

"That's unfortunate," she offers, unable to understand why that would have him so… hard. Now no longer seems the time to tell him about target practice. It can wait until he's cleared up whatever's troubling him. From the start she's never pushed him, knowing he'd share when ready and appropriate. Besides, now comes the lesson on cleaning one's weapons.

"Thought you were still off your kilter, Mal, when you recruited this one," Jayne says, nodding toward her. "But damn if she ain't a natural. Got the steadiest hands a man could want."

Quicker than a marsh rattler, Mal's fist connected with Jayne's jaw, causing him to stumble backwards and trip off the gangplank, his head barely missing the metal edge.

"Jayne!" she screams. The guns drop with a clatter as she moves toward him.

But Jayne's already back up, fists tight and charging like a bull. "Ta ma de hun dan!"

And Mal's on the balls of his feet, ready to meet him. River's about to jump between them when she's yanked backward by the collar. It's Zoe.

"Best just let them duke it out."

"But he—"

"—don't matter what you or me think either he did. Or didn't do, for that matter. Let 'em grapple out some of the stupid first."

River quivers with the desire to do something, though she doubts a fouette rond de jambe en tournant will do any good.

Kaylee clatters down a ladder. Part of River's mind realizes she's healing up alright, even if there will be some angry scars. If only.

"Oh my. What did Jayne go and do now?" Kaylee asks.

Zoe shrugs, raising her voice. "Musta been good 'n foolish."

The initial punching moves to grappling and rolling. And this is what she left Persephone for? Irked, River says, "I don't know when, as Jayne's been with me all afternoon."

Both of them look at her, disbelief writ large.

"Voluntarily?" Zoe asks.

River suddenly feels defensive. "All we did was shoot at targets."

"What?" asks Mal, he head whipping toward her – right as Jayne clocks him. Mal's eyes roll back and he sprawls boneless on top of Jayne.

"Oof. A little help here?" Jayne calls out.

Even eight odd months pregnant, Zoe pulls Mal off and over in one smooth movement.

"I'll go get some of them chemical ice packs," Kaylee says.

"You able to get yourself upright?" Zoe asks Jayne.

Swiping blood from his mouth, Jayne mutters, "Gorram zhan dou de yi kuai rou."

"Uh huh," Zoe says. "Time to walk it off."

It's suddenly quiet in the cargo hold. River grabs Mal's torn shirt sleeve and gives it a good yank, freeing it. After dribbling water from a tank, she kneels next to him, tenderly wiping the blood from his face. Unconscious, his face loses its strain; she wonders if he looks like this when sleeping, then pushes that thought and its friends away, focusing on now. What had gotten into him?

He lids flutter and he groans. "I'm getting too old for this."

"Humph." Gentle becomes less so, as the pieces begin to come together.

Mal pushes himself to sitting. "I was defending your honor, iffen that gentles your thoughts toward me."

Eyes narrowed, she asks, "What, exactly, do you think Jayne and I were doing?"

He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out, though his color rises high in his cheeks.

"Did you think we were…" She doesn't even know how to finish the sentence without choking. But if he's going to be this much of an ass, then she'll give him no quarter. "… having sex?"

"Well, sayin' it like that, it sounds a mite foolish, don't it?"

Kaylee scoots back in, calling out, "Got that chem pack."

She extends it to River, but instead of taking it, River flows to her fit and steps away. "Given his thick head, it looks like he'll live."

~~~

Knees pulled to her chest, she stares out, unseeing. Was she wearing rose-colored glasses? Had she only seen him through a child's eyes? Too much like the stories where the unknown princess is found by the questing knight? Solid and stoic, brave and bold.

When he steps onto the bridge he's in fresh clothes, though his eye sports quite a shiner. River turns away, looking back out toward the horizon and it bleeds into twilight.

"Just finished apologizing to Jayne," he says. "And there's words I never dreamt would trip across my tongue."

That makes her smile, though she keeps her head turned enough he can't see.

"Now I'm here to make amends with you."

She can't look at him. It hurts too much and even so she can barely push the words out, "How, Mal? After everything, how could even think that?"

His arms brace against the back of her chair, careful not to touch her, only his words tumbling down upon her.

"Had in mind to take you out proper this afternoon, maybe a picnic, just the two of us. 'Cept I couldn't find you nowheres. Jayne neither. And I started stewing. Ain't no logic to it, none at all. Felt like I'd been stood up."

"You have to ask a girl out before she can stand you up."

"There you go, being all logical. I'm sorry, River. I'm a foolish, ornery… fool."

She doesn't know what to say to that other than to agree. And wonder if he wasn't the only fool.

"Lots of times in life I could have fallen into the deep of crazy-making myself. After Shadow burned. In the camps after the war. Being 'round you. It's so gorram hard not to compare you to my River. To remember what she and I shared, not push those assumptions on you." The chair creaks under the tightness of his grasp. "To wonder why River Tam, full right in mind and the 'verse her oyster would want a man, such as I am."

The doubts drop away and her heart aches in all new ways for him. Leaning her head back, she looks up at him, feeling upside down and backward. "If addle-brained me weren't interested in Jayne, why would think the supposed sane me would be?"

There's a tiny twitch at the corner, of his mouth. She wants to kiss that corner, make his solemn face flush anew.

"There you go again, thinking all logical like."

She crosses her ankles, then twists around as she stands. Being on the chair, she's in the unusual place of his looking up at her. "You were all I was thinking about on the way back. I couldn't wait to tell show you my bull's eye. To show you I was worth keeping around."

He looks at her. Just looks at her. She's seen that look before – on Zoe when she's watching Wash and thinks no one's around. It's unsettling. "Mal, you know I can't read minds."

He smiles. "Never thought I'd miss that. Come on," he says, swinging her down. "show me that target."

"It's out there."

"Alright."

"But it's getting dark."

"Pretty near sure there ain't any carnivorous night critters round here."

She leads him all the way out to were the dummy is set up before can see it. While there's a score of random looking shots, there's also that bull's eye.

He leans in, running his finger along the hole. His voice is by her ear. "Nice 'n clean. And after only one day's lessons."

"Imagine what I could do with practice."

"I am," Mal said, his voice going husky. "I'd tell you I'm not a jealous man, but when I imagine you out here, my mind sees him flush against your back…" Now he was flush against her back. "His hands around your hands, as hold them out straight..." Mal's large, calloused hands circle her wrists as he pulls them up into a shooting stance, his shoulders curving snugly around her own. "Might make a man understandably crazy."

Her breathing grew shallow. "Mal." It is all she can say and it is a plead and a prayer.

He raises her arms up, until they are over her head, then turns her around, like a pirouette. Her hands drift over his head, linking behind his neck. One of his arms wraps around her waist, again pulling her in tight; the other cups her cheek, his thumb skimming her lips. The tingling zips straight through her core.

"Mal," she whispers again, pushing up on her toes, trying to reach him.

He bends in toward her, eyes dark as an ocean storm.

"Cap'n! Cap'n, you out there? Come quick. We got a wave from Book."

~~~

Even on the screen, Book's pain is obvious. "It acts like Mine Pox, but we've all been vaccinated for that. Least that's what we thought."

"Ya tested it?" Mal asks, crossing his arms.

Book smiles, "You know where this is going, don't you, son? Was watered down to the point we would have been better off without it. Now it's mutated."

"We'll round up a new batch. Be there day after tomorrow," Mal promises.

"I appreciate the thought, but there's nothing more to be done. Quarantine."

"I don't give a good gorram 'bout Alliance blockades."

"I know," Book says. "That's why I waved. Need to wring a promise out of you that you won't come."

"That's a hard kind of promise."

No one says anything, Mal and Book just stare at one another. Kaylee begins to cry and River wraps her arms around her.

"I love you, Kaylee," Book says. "I love all of you. God bless."

~~~

The cortex is on fire with reports of Mine Pox, on places as far as from Haven in location and conditions as New Melbourne. They just make land on Persephone before its borders close. Zoe's already in labor as they rush to the hospital.

This gives River far too much time to consider all the possibilities in the universe. She finds Mal outside, sitting on a bench. Joining him, she too watches a pool of koi.

Finally she says, "If Simon were here, Kaylee wouldn't have her scars. Might have kept her ear."

"Mayhaps. Wouldn'ta foreseen that pipe burst." He places a finger under her chin until she looks him in the eyes. "You did good that day. Don't know that even your brother coulda done better."

She smiles. "You're pretty even when you lie."

"I prefer ruggedly handsome, myself."

She'd laugh but she knows she'll cry, so she returns to staring at the koi. "If Simon were here, they would have been vaccinated properly," she says. It isn't a question.

"Yes. But they would've been murdered another way."

"What about others? Would what killed them have spread off planet?"

He doesn't say anything for a long while. "No, fact is Alliance woulda had some comeuppance."

"This isn't how it's meant to be."

"But it's what is."

"Not if we put it to rights."

"You want to build another time machine?"

She straddles the bench to face him again. "Don't need one."

"How's that?" he asks, swinging his own leg over so their knees touch.

She shrugs and puts on her most enigmatic smile. "Maths."

"Humph." He takes her hand, drawing circles on the back of it with his thumb, and she can't help but think of their almost kiss. "When?"

"Soon. Before it's impossible to let you go."

It doesn't take mind reading abilities to know he's thinking of the other her. The one they broke, the one that almost mended. And even as she knows what's between them, she knows he misses her.

"What if I told you that in the other timeline, Wash didn't survive? That they never had a chance for a baby Washburn?"

"Oh." She hadn't realized that. "But Simon and Kaylee, they never meet."

"Diana's not a bad sort." He sighs. "But 'sides making Kaylee over the moon, I think he was a better man for it all."

He pulls her to her feet and they walk, fingers twined. They walk the whole garden, until they reach a hedge with a plaque declaring it a labyrinth.

"Mal! River!" Jayne's shout from the far side. "They won't tell us what it is 'til we're all accounted for."

"Be right in," Mal shouts back, waving him off.

Jayne shrugs and disappears back inside.

"Can't stop you, can I?" he asks.

She shakes her head, not trusting her voice.

"Iffen you don't think it'll make a bigger mess, I 'spose you could pass on that when Wash crashes my boat, he better get his ass out of that pilot's seat like it's on fire."

She tips her head, considering. "Should work. I'm also going to tell her that on the other side of the bad you'll be waiting for her."

"Think that'll help?" His voice doesn't change, but she feels the surge of possible go through him.

"It's my second rule of flying," she says.

"And that is?"

"Hope."

Just has she's about to pull him to her, his arms go around her. He lifts her from the ground, kissing her and she kisses back. It's yes and welcome. All that is and was and could be and could be again.

It takes her a moment to realize he's set her down again. And before they can do anything as foolish as say good bye, she runs into labyrinth and back to who she was, before she met him.

~~~

River was on her way to ballet when she realized the woman wasn't just next to her on the sidewalk, but walking with her.

"Hello," the woman said.

"Hello," said River, stopping as she tried to identify why she was so familiar. "Do I know you?"

"Like your own reflection," the woman said.

Her eyes went wide. It couldn't be herself – an older self – could it? That broke several laws of physics.

"May I finish walking you to class?"

"Sure," River said. It was rather hard to be afraid of one's self.

"You've got a remember something, well two and a half things. Tuck them away in a corner of your mind until you need them. Dong ma?"

"Shi shi," River responded automatically.

"First, you are going to go through some terrible things. I wish I could change it, but I can't, not ever for you. However, Simon will come for you. Know that."

River nodded. Simon could be a pain, but she didn't doubt he'd help her if she got in trouble.

"Later, you'll meet a man named Wash. Tell him this exactly, 'After you crash the boat, get out of the pilot's seat like your ass is on fire.'"

River giggled at that, looking to see if the woman – if she – really meant it.

The other her smiled. "Yes, I do really mean it."

River felt her eyes go even wider.

They'd reached the studio's door and the woman knelt so they were eye to eye. The other her's eyes were so very sad. "But after the terrible, horrible part?"

River swallowed hard. "Yeah?"

The other her grinned with delight. "You are going to meet a pirate captain and sweep him off his feet."