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todd hates waking up in the morning. it's his constant reminder that he's alive and kicking right now. even holding this desk set his parents sent for his birthday, it's a reminder that he's nothing like his brother and he will never be because his parents couldn't even remember this already delivered present. it sucks and this old realization is not a new pain to todd's stomach. it's dull and burns as the numbing cold flies through his hair.
"todd?" the sound of neil's voice cuts through his thoughts and suddenly, everything feels better. "hey," the boy calls out as he walks up to todd. "hey."
"what's going on?" neil towers over him, hands in pockets as the breeze blows through. todd forces a smile as he breathes out a 'nothing'. when he looks up, he feels compelled to tell his roommate the truth. "today is my birthday."
the boy in front of him tilts his head and congratulates him. "what'd you get?" the truth snakes from his lips and lands in his lap, cold and bitter- "my parents gave me this." when neil gets bitten by the truth, pity envelopes his expression. an exchange of 'ohs' pass between them and todd feels like absolute fucking shit.
"maybe they thought you needed another one," neil suggests, awkward chuckles being carried by the wind. "maybe they weren't thinking at all."
"todd, i think you're underestimating the value of this desk set," neil picks up the set and begins smiling deviously. "i mean, who would want a football, or a baseball or...?" todd continues "or a car..." "or a car if they could have a desk set as wonderful as this one? i mean, if i were going to buy a desk set twice, i would probably buy this one both times." todd grins, feeling the laughter bubble up in his chest as neil continues to admire the set.
"in fact... it's shape is..." he lifts it up to eye level and smirks before putting it down and thinking off into space, the same smile on his face. "it's rather aerodynamic, isn't it?" neil walks over to the edge of the little bridge, todd completely mesmerized by the other. "i can feel it. this desk set wants to fly..." todd stands up, hands cold yet brimming with a newfound thrill, looking at his roommate with a smile that stretches across his face. "todd?" neil passes the set over, his own smile lighting up the entire night. "the world's first unmanned flying desk set."
and he hurls it off the bridge, papers drifting in the wind as the sound of metal clinks against brick. the two head to their room, pride swelling in todd's chest as neil holds his hand all the way back. when they arrive, todd begins to undress, wanting to put on something warmer before heading back out at midnight. just as he's about to grab a sweater from his wardrobe, neil hands him one of his own long-sleeves.
after both boys have changed, it's the brunette that moves first to hug todd. "happy birthday," are the first words that are exchanged in this moment. neither boy lets go. it's... warm in neil's arms, oddly filling the gap that was left in his chest. just as they're about to part, todd dives back into his roommate's arms, tears welling in his eyes.
"thank you."
---
they hug at every spare moment together, lips pressing into hair and skin, giggles becoming the melody of all of their encounters. it's familiar and comforting whenever todd can crawl into neil's arms without question, tight arms around his waist and whispers stagnant in the air between them. no expectations, no harsh words. just the blooming of poetry dripping from todd's lips and planted in neil's mouth.
so how bitter it is that todd cannot hug neil this way anymore. he can only embrace the snow and the oncoming screams that turn his throat raw. so how bitter it is when he returns to his room, expecting neil to be at his desk, glasses slipping on the bridge of his nose and a knowing smile on his lips. except there is no neil, just a stripped mattress and an empty space. when todd cries alone on this mattress, he imagines the other's arms wrapped around him.
"it's okay," he'd probably whisper. "i'm right here."