Chapter Text
Charlotte’s heart broke at Lucifer’s accusation and at seeing him so terrified. "Lucifer! You’re not in Hell anymore. It all happened eons ago. Don’t you remember? You’re not burning, Lucifer, but you’re badly hurt."
He narrowed his eyes in confusion, looking around to assert his surroundings. Nothing made sense to him but the overwhelming pain he was in. He brought a hand to his head and winced in pain. He was still not convinced. It did feel like Hell, and his brain was all jumbled up. The only clear memory he had was that of his Mother looking down at him impassively as Michael threw him over the edge of Heaven to Fall irremediably towards Hell and its burning fires.
"How could you?" He asked again in a broken whisper.
The Goddess stayed silent for a few seconds, fighting the tears that threatened to spill out of her eyes. He apparently didn’t remember them having already had that conversation months ago. She had told him the truth back then, but not all of it. Maybe it was time to tell him the whole truth and share her greatest remorse and regrets. Hopefully he wouldn’t remember any of it afterwards anyway. It might even do her good to talk about it after keeping it to herself for so long.
"I thought I was doing the right thing at the time. Your Father was so furious. He would have killed you right on the spot if I hadn’t suggested that He sent you to Hell. That’s the only solution that came to me at the time. But maybe… maybe I could have thought of a smoother punishment, like banishing you to Earth for eternity. Anything really, but Hell. He might have accepted at that moment. You didn’t deserve what happened to you." She shook her head sadly at the memory of everything Lucifer went through down there. "Hell was never your place, Son. I’m so sorry!" She placed a soft kiss on his forehead and lingered there a moment.
His Mom’s apology sounded so genuine. Lucifer tried to clear the fog in his brain. If he wasn’t in Hell then where was he? He couldn’t tell. Everything was so confused. And was he dying? It sure felt like it. Breathing had become a challenge of every instant and the pain he was in was almost blinding. If he died, which was looking more and more probable, then he would go straight back to Hell…
The thought made his guts tighten in fear. "I don’t wanna go back there, Mom! I don’t want to be alone again!" He knew he sounded desperate, pathetic even, but didn’t care in the least. He didn’t remember much about Hell at the moment, aside from how he felt at the beginning, but he remembered enough to know that he didn’t want to go back.
"I won’t leave you Lucifer! I didn’t let you go down there alone the first time around, I certainly won’t let you face it alone this time." She said with determination.
Lucifer tried to understand the meaning of her words. Slowly, the memories came back of his days in Hell. The way he remembered it was very different than how his Mom painted it.
"What are you talking about Mom? Dad sent you down there as a punishment. You never even bothered visiting me before that."
His Mother sighed in defeat. She had never been able to admit that truth to him before. In part because she feared he would think that she was bearing him grudge for it, and also because deep down she was ashamed of what she had done back then. But chances for her to have another heart-to-heart with her son like right now were very slim. It was now or never.
She started hesitantly, unable to look at him in the eye. "I might not have told you everything that happened after you Fell." She stroked his hair absentmindedly, like she used to do back when he was a young boy. "Seeing you Fall was the worst moment of my existence. After that day, I relentlessly begged your Father to come back on his decision, but he wouldn’t listen. After a while, I couldn’t live with myself anymore knowing that I had been a party to your suffering. So I asked Him to send me to Hell, to be by your side." she finally looked at him with pain in her eyes. "But he refused."
Lucifer knew that his Mother could lie as easily as she breathed, but there was no way he could doubt her in that moment. She was baring her heart to him.
"There was only one solution left to me after His refusal. If He would not send me to Hell willingly, then I would just have to force His hand. So I started to lash out at what He loved most after His children; humanity. I proceeded to wreak havoc on Earth, with plagues, deluges, famines, and such." She smiled sheepishly at the recollection. "It did work in the end. For after a time, He brought me down to Hell himself and locked me up in a cell. At last, I had gotten what I desired most. But you never came to visit me…" Her voice shook at the recollection. "I never had the chance to stand by your side to help lessen your ordeal. In the end, all I had done had been for nothing." She laughed humorlessly. "At least that’s what I thought at the time. Until I escaped and came up here to find you. The short time I spent on Earth with you have made my entire suffering in Hell worth it, and it secured me in my knowledge that I had been right all along; you never deserved Hell, Lucifer!"
Lucifer stared at her, paralyzed by the whole revelation. It had always been a mystery to him why his Mother had turned out so badly, to the point of becoming unrecognizable to the people who had loved and cherished her. With time, he had come to terms, mostly, with what happened to him, since he could only blame himself for the punishment he had to face, aside from blaming his Father of course. But to know that his Mother’s fate had been darken because of him… How could he ever forgive himself for that?
"Mom…" He breathed, totally distraught.
"Stop that right now, Lucifer!" She admonished him. "I am not telling you this for you to feel guilty. I make my own choices and I’m always ready to face the consequences of my actions. If I’m telling you now, it’s only so you can at last really know how I feel about you, and about my involvement with your going to Hell. You, are my Son! Created from my light and very soul, and I cannot watch you suffer without doing everything I can to save you, even if that kills me…"
For as long as he could recall, he didn’t remember his Mother ever crying before. Even with his memory all blurred out, he was pretty sure it never happened in his presence. She was crying now, without any restraint. He could feel her body shaking with her quiet sobbing. Unable to find words to convey all the love and gratitude he felt for her in that instant, he just circled his arms around her and buried his head in the crook of her neck. He joined her with his silent sobbing. He cried for her, for what she had gone through because of his own choices. He cried for what could have been if he’d never rebelled. And he cried for the Mother he was now accepting like he had never accepted her before since the time of his Fall.
Chloe had stopped working on the rubbles half way through Lucifer’s and Charlotte’s conversation. Her mind was reeling. She had a hard time believing all she was hearing. It would have been easier to dismiss everything as being the talk of deranged minds, but how to explain that Charlotte Richards, a woman without any known history of mental illness, was sharing the same exact delusion as her partner? It was just plain impossible. And the complexity of their conjoint story was just too great for it to have been made up in the spur of the moment. But how to believe that Lucifer could be a Fallen angel, the Devil himself, and that Charlotte was apparently a Goddess, in the same way as Lucifer’s Father had to be God? And yet, it was getting harder and harder to simply discard the possibility that it could all be true.
Beside her, Daniel and Phillips were sending strange looks towards the duo on the ground while continuing to dig through the remnants. The noise they were doing with their work probably didn’t leave them the opportunity to hear everything properly though. Still, they clearly heard enough, if their distress was any indication. Phillips was looking like a man who didn’t quite understand what he had gotten himself into, while Daniel’s distraught eyes told her that he too, was considering the possibility of Lucifer having told them the truth all along.
She had absolutely no idea how she was supposed to feel about it herself. All that was certain in her mind, in her heart, was that she was not ready to lose Lucifer, whatever, or whoever he was.
Daniel’s hand on her shoulder took her out of her disturbing thoughts.
"We are there!" He said softly.
"What?" She focussed on him, trying to understand what he was talking about.
He waved a hand in front of them to direct her gaze. They had done it. The way was clear to pass into the other room. She could see Detective Williams on the other side, waiting for them. She answered Dan with a small smile of renewed hope. Now they could focus on getting out of the building.
She turned back to look at her partner who was still holding Charlotte in his arms. He would have to remain here while they worked at finding a way out of the basement. What if he died while she were away? What if it was the last time she saw him alive? She wasn’t even sure he could recognise her in his state, but she could not leave without at least telling him that she was doing everything she could to save his life.
She walked to the pair and crouched in front of them. They both were dimly lit by the flashlight that Charlotte had set down beside them.
"Lucifer…" She breathed softly to get his attention.
Charlotte lifted her head to stare at her, clearly frustrated by the interruption. Thankfully, she didn’t try to hold Chloe away from him and just kept quiet to let her say what she needed to. Lucifer’s gaze settled on her with a questioning look on his face. He narrowed his eyes and tilted his head as if trying to decipher a complicate riddle. He looked to have a hard time keeping his eyes open.
Her suspicions were painfully materialising. He didn’t seem to recognize her.
She took a shuddering breathe and tried to push aside her fear and deception to concentrate on his needs.
She spoke softly in a calming voice. "Lucifer, I know you must feel confused, and scared, but I’m here for you." She hesitantly cupped his bloodied cheek to make him keep his heavy eyes on her.
He didn’t answer anything at first, instead staring at her in wonder. Then he lifted a hand to grab a stray lock of her hair and place it behind her ear. The motion seemed to steer his memory, then his whole features suddenly lightened up.
"Chloeee!" He said in awe. The sight of her was like seeing the sun piercing through the fog in his mind.
The wonderful smile she gave him warmed his heart and calmed his inner turmoil. He remembered. Even if he didn’t know where he was or what happened to them, he remembered her, and knew that to him, she was the most important thing in the world.
"Yeah! It’s me Lucifer." She stroked his cheek tenderly with her thumb. "I won’t let you die down here. You just hold on in there until I can find a way out and come back to get you. Okay?"
"I don’t plan on going anywhere, Love!" He said kiddingly.
She chuckled in spite of the situation. The sweet way he was looking at her was so overwhelming that she had to restrain herself from kissing him senseless. She swallowed hard and started withdrawing her hand.
Lucifer caught her hand with his own to hold it against his cheek before he would lose her warmth. The look in her eyes was scaring him. At first tender, it had turned into something tormented, as if she was seeing him for the last time ever. He knew his injuries were serious, and now that he really focussed on them, he understood that he was indeed slowly slipping away towards the underworld. She was right, it could very well be the last time they saw each other.
He felt a sudden urgency to tell her everything he had always wanted to say, but had been too afraid to voice. She deserved to know the truth. Unfortunately, there was too much that should be said, and not enough time for it all. He could at least tell her some of the truth, to lighten her heart and his own.
"Chloeee…" He breathed in a tone close to desperation.
The use of her first name and his tone of voice effectively caught her attention. He could already see the wetness start building in her eyes, like he could feel it building in his own.
"I never meant to hurt you…" He whispered in a trembling voice. "Everything I did was only to insure your happiness. You have to believe me! You, are the most beautiful thing that ever came into my life. I just wish I could have accepted the wonderful gift that you are. But circumstances have made that impossible…"
He could see her lower lip trembling now. She obviously was doing her best not to burst into tears.
"I’m sorry Chloe! For not being able to stay away from you, and for bringing sadness into your life. I’m only a selfish bastard who can’t live without you." In spite of all his restraints, his voice finally cracked on the last words.
Chloe lost all her composure and embraced him forcefully, burying her face into his neck. She sobbed against him in a torrent of tears.
"Lucifer…," is the only thing she managed to say in a strangled voice.
He held her close to him, reaching into his last strengths to keep his arms around her.
After a moment, she finally drew slightly away only to kiss his temple before resting her forehead against his. She tried to smile through her tears. He knew he had to look as much a mess as she did, with his face bathed in tears of his own.
It took her a few tries to get the words out. "You, have brought way more light into my life than sorrow. Be sure of it! And this is not over Lucifer. You’ll get better, and when you do, we’ll have a long conversation about all of this. Okay?" She asked hopefully.
Lucifer forced a smile on his face. "Sure!"
She nodded wordlessly against his forehead and braced herself to leave him. "Ok, I’m gonna go now. But I’ll be back soon. You just have to hold on a little bit longer."
He just smiled in answer, not wanting to lie to her.
She kissed his forehead tenderly then rose up. With one last sweet smile directed at him, she turned away and walked towards the darkness that swallowed her. He had no real hope of ever seeing her again.