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Something woke Amanda out of a sound sleep. She lay in darkness listening and peering into shadows trying to determine the source of the disruption. Nikita was away on a mission so it wasn’t the absence beside her that had alerted her.
There. That excess of light around the door had vanished. It was unnoticeable to her sleep fuddled brain until it disappeared but now she knew the light in the gallery had been on and now was turned off again.
She rose, putting on robe and slippers as she moved to investigate. Normally if Alex needed something she knocked on the bedroom door, but Amanda knew that hadn’t happened because she wouldn’t have slept through that. As she exited the bedroom her concern was pressing, but mild.
In the dim light of the gallery she could see Alex’s open bedroom door but she could also see the bright lights of the downstairs area so she moved in that blazing direction. As she reached the top of the stairs and her eyes adjusted enough to see, she noticed that all of the downstairs lights were on, even the bright overhead ones they almost never used. From her position Amanda could also see Alex huddled on the couch, knees pulled up to her chest, and arms wrapped around them as she stared into the distance. Amanda didn’t need to be closer to her to identify the haunted look she was wearing.
Amanda didn’t even stop to consider the option of going back to bed and letting Alex be alone before she began descending the stairs. She was proud to note that despite the distraction of inner demons, Alex still paid enough attention to her surroundings to see her coming down. The girl had good survival instincts. She’d have to given everything she’d been through.
The look Alex gave her when she reached the bottom of the stairs was wary and while it wasn’t exactly hostile, it wasn’t all that welcoming either. Amanda simply ignored her entirely and proceeded directly to the kitchen with not a single glance in Alex’s direction.
She put the kettle on to boil and began setting up her teapot, taking her time and making every movement smooth and deliberate. Amanda drew comfort from the habits of years and new as Alex was to the ritual even watching from a distance made her relax a tiny fraction as the familiarity of the actions eased some of her internal distress.
And still Amanda ignored her. When the kettle boiled, Amanda poured the hot water over the leaves to steep, her inner sense of time automatically beginning the count as she arranged the pot and two cups on a tray. Once it was all ready she carried everything into the living room where she set it down on the side table that was placed near her armchair for that specific purpose, then walked to the coat closet.
She could feel Alex’s eyes on her, assessing every movement, every motion, every twitch of the body as she had been doing since she first saw Amanda on the stairs. And Amanda felt the wariness in Alex’s gaze shift to surprise when she pulled one of their spare blankets off the shelf in the closet. She didn’t look at Alex as she placed the blanket on the couch on her way back to her armchair. She simply stopped by the couch, continuing to telegraph her movements so Alex could anticipate them, and then placed the blanket over the back of the couch, near enough for Alex to reach if she wanted, but keeping enough distance so that Alex didn’t feel like her space was being invaded.
She returned to her chair and poured tea into the two cups, making the gestures broad and easy to anticipate as she placed one cup of tea in a spot where Alex could easily reach it without moving, and then she retreated fully out of Alex’s space.
She sat down in her armchair and settled, picking up the book she’d been reading before going to bed. Except for placing the blanket and the tea she’d ignored Alex’s presence almost entirely and with book in hand she continued the practice.
At least, she appeared to do so. Oh, she read and if asked later would be able to be conversant about the contents of what she read with excellent comprehension but she also kept her senses on alert for any change on the couch. She knew by the scraping sound and the slight movement seen out of the corner of her eye when Alex picked up the cup of tea. She knew how long Alex held the cup simply for the warmth in her hands by the absence of movement or sound. She heard the shift and the small sounds of swallowing followed by the click when the cup was finally drained and set back down. And she could feel the differences in the way Alex was looking at her.
She knew when Alex went from wary to considering to thoughtful. She could sense the change when exhaustion began to override Alex’s demons and call her back to sleep. The rustle of cloth let her know her offering of the blanket had been accepted as Alex wrapped herself in the soft fabric. It wasn’t until she heard Alex’s breathing even out in sleep that Amanda put her book down and allowed herself to look at Alex.
Now Alex was curled up against the arm of the couch instead of huddled in a tight ball. Not fully relaxed, but not as tightly strung as she’d been before. Sleep eased the haunted look on her face but hadn’t wholly erased it. Only time, distance, and healing could do that and there would always be little traces of it left. Amanda knew that all too well. But Alex didn’t have to do it on her own.
So Amanda left all the bright lights on and read more of her book and when Alex woke up in the early hours of dawn as natural light began filtering in through the windows she found the room still lit and Amanda still there.
They shared a look then, one filled with memories of the past, thoughts of the future, and Alex’s profound gratitude as well as Amanda’s understanding. It was something that could not be verbalized.
“Good morning, Alex,” Amanda said simply. It was all that needed to be said.