Work Text:
Sirius twirled his wand between his fingers, what on earth was his happiest memory? Did he have happy memories? Was that a sad question to ask? Surely he had plenty of happy memories at Hogwarts. But why were they all coming through so muddled. They were flying through his mind at full speed. Sirius couldn’t settle on one memory, good or bad.
He huffed a breath as he watched James who was able to cast his patronus nearly right away. Of course it was a bloody stag and he kept doing it over and over again because he was bloody brilliant. He was James Potter. He could do shite like that. He could do wandless, wordless magic without much though. He was powerful. Meanwhile, Sirius Black, the perpetual let down, couldn’t do shite (okay, he was good at things but he was busy feeling sorry for himself). Even bloody Peter got a fucking rat.
Remus hadn’t done it yet either. Sirius wondered if it was because he saw that the Marauder’s patronuses were their animagus form. He probably wondered if a werewolf would be his. Not that it was animagus but it was the animal part of him. Again, not that he wanted it to be a part of him. Sirius wondered what his animal would be if Moony became an animagus. Probably a cat, he liked sleeping and lounging about in the sun enough to be one. Or a horse, strong and beautiful.
Beautiful? Sirius made a face at his own thoughts as James came over to him. He had to stop thinking that way. “What’s the matter?”
“I can’t bloody get this thing.”
“Maybe take a break? You’re overthinking things as you do.” James offered with a smile. “Did you see Lily’s is a doe?”
Sirius let out a groan. “You two are going to be the fucking death of me. You’ve been all loved up lately. Now hers matches yours. Sickening. You may as well be walking down the aisle tomorrow.”
“They say that can happen. Or your patronus can take the same form as someone you love. Maybe yours will take the same form as Moony’s.” James dropped his voiced, leaning close to Sirius’ ear.
He felt himself go white hot. It wasn’t as if anyone heard but he hated being reminded that other people knew his feelings. Lily had been the one who figured it out the other month. It being Sirius Black was pinning away for a certain handsome werewolf. It had been well nearly a year and a half since Moony showed up all tall and handsome to catch the train to Hogwarts. Sirius thought he did a good job of not showing it. He nearly got out of school without anyone saying a word. But then Evans came along and just saw right through everything. She had to share her findings with her boyfriend because that’s what couples do. The bloody woman.
Now James was mildly obsessed with the idea of seeing two of his best mates become an item. He probably fantasied about double dates to Hogsmeade or some horrible mundane James’ fantasy. Sirius knew it’d never happen. There was no way that someone as lovely as their Moony could love someone as horrible as Sirius. Plus, that fifth year stunt still haunted him. He worried if Remus actually liked him or was just putting on a front until they finished Hogwarts this year. Then Remus would go off and never speak to Sirius again. Only when forced to by James during Christmas and birthdays.
“Prongs, I’m going to murder you. No one will know. I’ll make sure your remains are never found. You won’t even have remains for that matter. I’m sure I’ve some dark magic just galloping through my veins.”
James just raised an eyebrow. “Just tell him, mate.”
“Now is not the time nor the place for this conversation.” Sirius said looking over at Remus who was talking in hush tones to Evans. “Why hasn’t he casted his yet? He’s the best at stuff like this. Complete pants at potions but give him a wand and he’s a genius. I’m sure he studied up on it all night too.”
“No clue.”
“Mmm.”
“Maybe you should meet with him later and give it a try.” James suggested. “If anything, he’d probably be able to help. Like you said, he’s the best at the shite.”
Sirius sighed loudly as class came to an end. He watched Remus and Lily disappear into the crowd leaving the classroom. He was fucked.
***
Remus could cast a patronus. He had done it on his own time the other day after doing the reading. It was a wolf. Or a dog. He wasn’t sure. Either one embarrassing for different reasons. If it were a wolf then people might draw conclusions finally. They were in the seventh year and surely more than just his mates (Marauders and the girls included) could finally piece all the evidence together. Or it would give Snape an excuse to finally open his fat mouth. The dog one… well…
“Are you having trouble, Remus?” Lily asked after she casted her’s. Which was a doe, because of course it was a doe. That made him want to gouge out his eyes with his wand. From the look on Sirius’ face, he felt the same way.
“No, I’m fine. I did it on my own before. It’s a wolf. I think. I’ll show it to the professor later. I just rather not do it in front of everyone.”
“A wolf, you think?” Lily furrowed her brow. “What else would it be.”
He glared at her. Lily had figured out Remus had fancied Sirius for just over a year. After he had got over the fucking prank pulled on Severus, nearly ruining Remus’ life, Remus had come to terms with the fact that his feelings were far more than platonic. Lily caught on right away after she saw him starting at Sirius too much during — well, everything.
“A dog? Like a big old black dog that could be mistaken for a wolf in the wrong lighting?” She said in a harsh whisper.
He continued to glare. “I can hide it. I can disguise it as something else either way but I haven’t figured out that bit quite yet. I need another night or two of reading I think.”
“Oh, Moony, no wonder why you don’t want to do it here. What a way to come out with it.” Lily said with a sly grin. “He hasn’t cast his yet, you know.”
“Probably because he’s struggling with the happy memory part. He’s been feeling like shite lately, got a letter from his lovely mother detailing every bad thing Sirius had ever done to her. Wretched bitch.”
Lily shook her head. “You could help him, you know? He could use some one-on-one tutoring.” She nudged him with her elbow.
“Stop,” Remus shook his head as class came to an end. “Mind helping me with potions at some point today?”
“Sure, but I’d prefer you to just snog him and get it over with.”
He just rolled his eyes as he and Lily went off towards dinner. He’d end up helping Sirius because he was his friend above everything. But that did not need it to involve kissing. It would never involve kissing. But sweet Circe, did he want it to involve kissing.
***
At dinner, Sirius caught himself staring at Remus’ long fingers once more. He had apparently zoned out because Remus was asking him a question. “Ah, sorry, what was that?”
Remus looked annoyed. Surely he was always annoyed with Sirius for one reason or another. “James was saying that you need help with your patronus. I could help you. Well, he insisted that I help you because you’re all sour about it.”
“Oh, you don’t have to. You didn’t do yours.”
“Only because his reflected, er, his furry little problem.” James snorted an obnoxious laugh.
Remus flicked James’ ear. “It’s fine, I’m going to figure out how to conceal it. I got it the other night just fine, I’m sure I can figure out how to change it.”
Of course Remus got his. He was so bloody smart. He was probably thinking of his happy little home life. All snuggly in his bed with a book and a cup of tea and probably some pastry his mum made. Sirius wished that he could be all snuggly in Remus’ bed with Remus reading to him as they shared the pastry and tea.
“Well, do you need my help? If not I can spend my night getting some help from Lily and then figuring how to disguise—”
“No, I’ll take the help.” Sirius nodded. He was going to need to figure out how to do it eventually. Remus was a brilliant teacher. If he did cast a wolf then he’d come up with something. Maybe Remus would think it was a dog no matter what.
Anyway, that was how he found himself on top of the Astronomy Tower with Remus after dinner. He was trying so hard to think of something happy. But he brain kept skipping around. Yes, he was happy with the Marauders all the time but he couldn’t pinpoint one. “What if my happy memories don’t work?”
“That’s such bullshite. Your happy memories work. Think of something daft you’ve done with James.”
“I have and it’s not working.” Sirius complained.
“There’s got to be one good memory. Something nice. You have to really feel it, Pads. Like deep in your bones. It just has to fill you up.”
“What was yours?”
Remus shook his head and look up.
“Moony, come on.”
“It just when you showed me that you could change into Padfoot for the first time. You were the first to do it out of them all. Drove Prongs mad, he’s always been the fastest one. But you’re the smartest one. Prongs isn’t far behind there either.”
“You’re rather smart. Just quieter about it than myself and Prongs.” Sirius said as he remembered the night he realized that he could transform. He ran into the dorm and Remus was sitting on his bed. It was just a night after the full so he was exhausted in his oversized jumper and PJ bottoms.
When Sirius changed, Remus nearly jumped out of the bed like he forgot about his pain for the moment. Padfoot ran around the room in excitement before Sirius changed back. Once he did, Remus hugged him. A tight hug. One that made Sirius weak in his knees. He was happy then too. He had done something to help his friend and not hurt him for once in his life. He did something right.
So, that was the memory his used. He closed his eyes, trying his best to fill his whole body up with that happiness.
***
Remus watched as Sirius relaxed into whatever memory he had picked. He began drawing his wand in circles. Remus nearly choked when he saw the dog (WOLF???) in front of him. Whatever it was, was the same as what Remus had cast. He looked at Sirius with wide eyes, feeling panic set in his chest. Sirius put his wand down and looked to Remus, “What is it Moony?”
“Ah, nothing. Good job.” Remus cleared his throat. “Feel better now?”
“Yeah, thanks, ah for that.” Sirius held his wand up again.
“I need to get to the library.” Remus said quickly. “I need to learn how to—” Not have the same bloody patronus as his best mate? Fall out of love with his best mate? Die from embarrassment? The last was probably the easiest option in all honesty. He was nearly there.
“Right, okay. I’ll see you in the Common Room or whatever?”
Remus nodded then headed off to the library, hoping that Lily and Marlene were going to be there like they were saying they would be earlier. Thankfully, they were sitting in the back corner of the library looking as if they were doing anything besides potions. “Oh, hey Remus. You look like shite.”
“Thanks, McKinnon.” He ran a hand through is curls then put his forehead on the table, wishing for the earth to swallow him up right there and then. The sweet release of death from his permanent embarrassing life.
“That time of the month?” Marlene giggled.
Remus didn’t even bother to flip her off over it.
“We’re in the middle of a lunar cycle. What happened?” Lily poked his head. “Come on, Moony. Tell us what’s wrong and we’ll solve it.”
“We sure will! Come on, Moony.” Marlene cooed, patting his arms lightly.
Remus took a deep breath, sitting up straight. “I was helping Sirius with casting his patronus.”
“Oh, it’s finally happened.” Marlene grinned. She had heard Lily talking to Remus about it one day and was now a coconspirator in Lily encouraging him to growing some bollocks and asking Sirius out properly.
“No, it has not happened. Nothing like that has happened.”
“Bugger.” Marlene’s face fell. “Then what’s going on?”
“His patronus was the same as mine.”
“The wolf-dog-maybe wolf-kind of a dog thing?”
Remus nodded. Lily and Marlene looked at each other with wide eyes. “Did you tell him? Did he see yours? Oh my god.”
“It’s probably because we used the same memory.” Remus insisted. That was what he was not hanging on. “Right?”
“Or, he’s in love with you just as much as you’re in love with him?” Lily suggested.
What if she were right? But she couldn’t be, could she?
***
Sirius stood in the same place Remus left him for a solid two minutes. He cast a wolf and Remus freaked out and left. But it looked a bit like a dog. What the hell was that? He groaned before trying it again. He needed to figure that out first before jumping to any conclusions.
After using the same memory, the same dog-ish could be wolf was his patronus. It had to be the memory. But he couldn’t think of any good, solid memory where Remus wasn’t involved. Every single one of his happiest memories, Remus was there. He was normally directly involved too. That was no good.
Sirius sat there for some time trying to figure out what to do or how to feel. He eventually gave up with a groaned and made his way back to the Gryffindor Tower. Sirius found James sitting by the fire. The room was nearly empty, as it was getting late. “Pete still ill?”
“Yeah, I told him he has some sort of barmy rat disease that he caught on our last scouting mission for the map. He’s all freaked out. It’s hilarious.” James laughed loudly. “What’s wrong with you?”
Sirius said down next to his best mate with a grimace. “Moony helped me and I got my patronus.”
“Yeah, and?”
“Well, he buggered off right away after saying he had to study. I think it’s because he thought it was a wolf.”
“Was it?” James furrowed his brow.
“It could have been a dog as well. I don’t know.” Sirius put his hands over his face. “Oh my god, hates me. He probably thinks I’m obsessed with.”
“I mean, you kind of are.”
“You, Potter. You do not get to comment on being obsessed with people!” Sirius exclaimed as he heard a few people coming through the portrait hole. He glanced over his shoulder and saw red hair. “Ah, look your obsession.”
“Yeah, and yours is right behind it. Well, behind Dorcas’.” James said in a soft voice as the girls and Remus came over to them. “Hiya Moony, Lilypad, Marls.”
Remus was looking everywhere but at Sirius. He needed to fix this. This was getting ridiculous. So, he stood up and took a deep breath. But before he could speak Lily was pointing wand at Remus. “Just bloody tell him or I’ll hex your bollocks off! Or his!”
“I am being harassed by your girlfriend Potter!” Remus looked to James helplessly.
“Come off it, Remus. The two of you need to just face it. It’s been a bloody year!”
Sirius’ heart nearly fell to his stomach. Remus’ eyes went wide.
“You — and you all knew?” Sirius looked at his friends, who shrugged.
“It’s obvious to everyone else but the two of you apparently. It’s getting exhausting and we’ve waited long enough. Casting the same patronus should be the end of the line.” Lily said.
“Casting the same…” Sirius’ felt a bit dizzy at that.
“That’s why this twat left you on the astronomy tower. He should have snogged your face off then and there but he got scared. Which is insane because he’s supposedly a Gryffindor.”
“I’m sorry, Sirius.”
“You have the same…”
Remus nodded and reached for his wand. Soon enough the same patronus Sirius cast was in front of them. “Bloody hell. And you fancy me too?”
“Afraid so.” Remus looked uncomfortable.
“Shite.”
“Yeah.” Remus cleared his throat.
“So we’re — can we… date? Be boyfriends?” Sirius tried not to act too excited. He was cool. He needed to be cool.
“If you want that.”
“Of course I bloody want that!” Sirius exclaimed before surging forwarding and kissing Remus. Fuck cool. He didn’t linger too longer as they had an audience. One who were giving wolf-whistles and cat calls at them.
“Is it a wolf or a dog?” Remus asked when Sirius pulled back because of course that would be what Remus would have to say after their first kiss.
“I don’t know.”
“I think it’s a dog.” Marlene said with a scrunched nose.
“It’s a weredog.” Lily gave a nod.
“I think it’s a wolf, mate.”