Archive of Our Own

I Think I’m Gonna Like It Here

“It’s okay,” Sam said to Dean – not Dean-Dean, but the Dean in his head, the one who was the part of himself that wanted to fight to live. “It’s what I want.”

He patted not-Dean on the cheek, and the construct, which had said everything Sam knew the real Dean would have said, disappeared. Sam took a moment to catch his breath, and then turned towards the cabin.

Lucifer stood in front of him, arms crossed. “And it’s all about what you want, isn’t it, Sam?”

Sam stared at him, looking pained. “Look, I…”

“Forgot all about me, didn’t you?” Lucifer snapped.

“No, I didn’t. I swear. I just – “

“Twelve hours ago you promised me – AND your brother – that you weren’t going to die!”

“I said I’d stop the trials,” Sam said wearily. “I tried not to die.”

“But now it’s time to throw in the towel, huh?”

“I’ve been fighting for so long,” Sam said. “I’m just…I’m so tired. You have no idea.”

“Oh, boo hoo,” Lucifer shot back. “Thirty-something years and it’s all just too much? I’ve been alive since – ”

“Since time began; yeah, I know,” Sam replied. “Don’t…don’t you ever get tired?”

“Nice try, but you’re not getting me on board with your little murder-suicide plan.”

Sam was quiet for a long moment. “I know,” he said. “I know what this means for you. And I wish there was some other way – “

“Oh, do you?”

“Yeah, I do,” Sam said defensively. “I wish I could die without taking you with me. But I can’t. And it’s still my life, and I’m dying. I have the right to let it end. I’ve already cheated death so many times.”

Lucifer glared at him. “Fuck you very much, Sam Winchester.”

Sam sighed, and tried to move past him, towards the cabin. Lucifer kept getting in his way, and finally shoved him back.

“Damn it, let me go!” Sam shouted. “Don’t make me do this!”

“I’m not making you do anything, you selfish bitch,” Lucifer spat.

Sam stared at him for a minute, blinking back the tears that had sprung up in his eyes. Finally he squeezed the scar on his hand, and Lucifer disappeared.

Sam made his way towards the cabin.

***

“If I go with you,” Sam said to Death, some time later, “can you promise that this time it’ll be final? That if I’m dead, I stay dead. Nobody can reverse it, nobody can deal it away…and nobody else can get hurt because of me.”

“I can promise that,” Death replied.

There was a loud snort from the corner of the cabin. Sam and Death looked over to see Lucifer leaning against a wall, his arms folded.

“Maybe just one other person,” he said. “Although I imagine I don’t count.”

Death looked at Sam with a raised eyebrow. Sam shrugged.

“He’s not really Lucifer,” he said.

“Yes,” Death said, his tone somehow so patient that it implied a deep and dangerous lack of patience. “I know.”

“He, um, came into existence when Castiel took down the wall you put up in my head,” Sam explained. “To keep away my memories of Hell.”

“I told you not to scratch the wall,” Death murmured. He examined Lucifer. “As coping mechanisms go, this isn’t a bad one.”

“I did used to torture him,” Lucifer said brightly. “And I’m really regretting now that I didn’t get some more fun in.”

“He’s my friend,” Sam said.

“Was,” Lucifer corrected him. Sam looked sad.

“Is there any way – “ He hesitated, as Death looked back at him. “That is to say…I know it’s asking a lot. But is there anywhere you could take him? Instead of killing him along with me, I mean.”

Death considered this. “No,” he said finally. “He’s a product of your mind, sustained by your soul. You’re too linked. He doesn’t exist without you.”

“Geez, kick a guy when he’s down,” Lucifer muttered. “I’m going to die and you have to remind me that I’m not even real.”

Death looked at him again. “That’s not what I said.” Lucifer stared back at him, his expression unreadable.

“I would apologize for being unable to help you,” Death continued, “but I must admit I still bear something of a grudge for when you bound me to your service during your attempt to bring on the Apocalypse.”

“Technically, I didn’t do that. The other Lucifer did.”

Death raised an eyebrow. “Then I suppose, technically, I’m sorry.” He stood up. “It’s time, Sam. Shall we?” Sam rose.

“Hold on,” said Dean, appearing suddenly in the cabin.

“I knew it,” Lucifer said under his breath. He listened as Sam and Dean talked, and finally, Dean got a “yes” out of Sam. And then Dean turned into an angel.

“Sam – ” Lucifer yelled, but it was too late. White light filled the room, and Sam, and Dean, and Death, were all gone.

***

After a moment, the light faded. Lucifer was still in the cabin, and so was Gadreel.

“Hello, brother,” Lucifer drawled. “Long time.”

Gadreel turned around, looking shocked and confused. “Who are you?” he said blankly.

“Come on, you know who I sort of am,” Lucifer said. “Didn’t they show you pinups of my first vessel, or something?

“What?”

Lucifer gave a long-suffering sigh. “In most of the ways that matter, I’m your older brother.” He paused. “Your oldest brother, minus that insufferable windbag, Michael.”

Gadreel blinked at him. “Lucifer? But you’re not – you can’t be – you’re in the Cage!”

“Look, all you really need to know is that I’m a product of Sam’s idiot brain, but I share a lot of the other Lucifer’s memories. I don’t have his powers, but you might as well treat me like I’m him. Also, I guess we’re roommates now!” He smirked. “You want top or bottom bunk? I prefer top.”

Gadreel strode forward and shoved Lucifer against a wall, pinning him there with an arm across his chest. “All right, all right, we can take turns,” Lucifer said.

“You tricked me,” Gadreel seethed. Lucifer rolled his eyes.

“Come on, you don’t want to dredge up all that ancient history, do you?”

“You tricked me into letting you into the Garden! The Fall, demons, the Apocalypse – all of it came from that one moment!”

“The Apocalypse was a bust,” Lucifer said. “Anyway, I didn’t do any of that.”

“You said to treat you like you’re him.” Gadreel’s blade appeared in his hand, and he held it to Lucifer’s throat.

“I’ve gotta commend you on your ability to hold a grudge,” Lucifer said. “It rivals mine. But you don’t want to kill me. I don’t know if you even could.”

“I’d be happy to try,” Gadreel said, pressing the blade a little more firmly against Lucifer’s neck.

“Sam’ll notice if I’m gone,” Lucifer said.

Gadreel frowned. “He knows you’re here?”

“Oh, we’ve become BFFs over the past couple years,” Lucifer said. “You’re going to need me to stick around if you don’t want to arouse his suspicions.”

Gadreel hesitated, then reluctantly released Lucifer and stepped back. “You’ve guessed that he doesn’t know I’m here.”

“Yeah, your little trick with Dean made it pretty obvious.” Lucifer wagged a finger at Gadreel. “That’s very poor consent, you know. They’re gonna make you take a seminar. So, what’s the plan?”

“I heal Sam, as I heal myself,” Gadreel replied. “When I’m done, I’ll leave him.”

Lucifer narrowed his eyes at him. “Just like that? A nice, cozy vessel like this?”

“I am trying to atone for what I did,” Gadreel said heatedly. “What you made me do.” Lucifer shrugged, smirking. “Will you keep my secret?”

“Why shouldn’t I? That stupid jerk was trying to kill himself, which by the way, would have killed me in the process. Fuck it.” Lucifer plopped down on a nearby chair. “And, I guess I do kind of owe you, even though technically I owe you nothing.”

“Are you certain? I heard you try to warn Sam, at the moment I took him over. I thought it was Death, but this makes more sense…as much as this makes sense.”

“Which is to say, very little. But yes, for the millionth time, I get it. Mum’s the word.”

“There is something else,” Gadreel said. “I told Dean that I am…someone else.”

“Why?”

“The Winchesters know Castiel. They often see other angels. If they found out who I am – ”

“Ohhhhh, yeah,” Lucifer said. “Suddenly Dean doesn’t trust you inside his precious baby brother, and the jig is up. So, who did you say you are?”

Gadreel was silent for a beat. “Ezekiel,” he said.

Lucifer burst out laughing. “Ezekiel?” he repeated. “So, pretty much your polar opposite?”

Gadreel glared at him. “I could have been like him,” he said. “I was, until you.”

Lucifer smirked. “Fun times. Okay, fine. You’re ‘Ezekiel.’ Congratulations.”

Gadreel nodded. “I should begin healing Sam. He’s not yet well enough to be conscious.”

“Knock yourself out.” Gadreel started to disappear. “Hey, do you like air hockey?” Lucifer shouted, but Gadreel was gone.

***

Dean sat by Sam’s hospital bed, clasped hands at his mouth, waiting. Watching Sam like a hawk, as though if he looked away, his brother was done for. He’d been sitting there for almost half an hour when suddenly Sam sat up, back ramrod straight.

“Sammy?” Dean said. Sam’s head turned towards him, but it wasn’t Sam.

“It is Ezekiel,” the thing wearing Sam’s body said. “I have healed him to the point where he can walk.”

Dean got Sam’s clothes. In a blink of an eye, Sam – Ezekiel – was dressed.

It wasn’t until they were outside the hospital that Dean found the courage to ask, “So? How’s it look in there?”

“Not good. There is much work to be done.”

“Yeah, but he’s gonna wake up, right?”

“He will.”

“So – what, is he going to feel you inside, triaging his spleen?”

“He will not feel me, no. There is no reason for Sam to know I’m in here at all.”

Dean was aghast. “You’re joking. No – this is too big.”

“And what will he do, if you do tell him he is possessed by an angel?”

“Well, he’ll have to understand.”

“And if he does not? Without his acceptance, Sam can eject me at any time, especially with me so weak. And if Sam does eject me, he will die.”

Dean was silent for a long moment.

“I know neither of us wants darling Sammy to die,” said Sam’s body, in a very different tone. Dean’s head whipped towards him. Not Ezekiel, certainly not Sam –

“Lucifer,” Dean said. “You know about Ezekiel?”

“Kinda hard to miss,” Lucifer replied. “This is the most that’s happened in months. Do you know how dull your brother’s brain is? It’s not like I get Netflix.”

Dean pursed his lips. “What do you think about all this?” he asked.

“All what?”

“This whole plan. Ezekiel in Sam, keeping it a secret.”

“You want to know what I think?”

“Jesus, I’m asking, aren’t I?” Dean said irritably. “Do you trust Ezekiel?”

For a moment, there was no response. “He’s fine,” Lucifer said finally. “And it’s not like we have a better offer.”

Dean sighed. “Then we keep it a secret for now,” he said. “Or until Sam’s well enough that he doesn’t need an angelic pacemaker. Or I find a way to tell him. As for him being in a hospital, I’ll have to figure something out.”

“I can erase it all, if you like.” Flat tone; Ezekiel again. “He will not remember any of this.”

“He’s like a fucking clown car,” Dean muttered. “All right. Fine. I guess that’ll make it easier.”

“There’s no way this is going to come back to bite us all on the ass,” Lucifer said cheerfully.

***

 After he’d woken up, and spoken with Dean, Sam cast about in his mind.

“Lucifer?” he said, in his head. There was no response, and after a minute, Sam called his name again, louder.

“What do you want?” Lucifer snapped, appearing in the backseat of the Impala.

“Um,” Sam said, taken aback at Lucifer’s tone. “Uh, I just wanted to…make sure you were okay, I guess.”

“Oh, now you care,” Lucifer muttered.

Sam bit his lip. “I know,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry. I started to wonder if I was going to die at the end of the trials, before I even started the third. I should have talked to you about it. I…I guess I didn’t know how.”

Lucifer said nothing.

“It just seemed like I had to, you know? To close the gates of Hell…it would have been worth it. But I did stop, when you and Dean asked me to. And it looks like I’m going to be okay.”

“What if you weren’t?” Lucifer asked.

“What?”

“If it looked like you were going to die anyway. Would you just throw in the towel?”

Sam frowned. “I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it. What does it matter?”

“It doesn’t. So, you’re feeling all right, then?” Lucifer still sounded angry.

“Yeah,” Sam replied. “I mean, still weak and kind of off and groggy. But okay. Not like before.”

“Great,” Lucifer said. “Laterz.” He disappeared, and Sam heard the faint slamming of a door in his head. He blinked.

“What was that?” he asked, but there was no response.

Sam shook his head, and Dean looked over at him with a worried expression.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Sam said aloud. “I think Lucifer’s still pissed that I was willing to die to close the gates of Hell. I mean, I get it. It would’ve killed him, too. But I did stop…”

“I’m sure he’s just in a mood,” Dean said. “I wouldn’t read too much into it.”

Sam raised his eyebrows. “How would you know? And since when are you on board with me talking about him again?”

“Since he helped save your life,” Dean said. “Helped talk you out of finishing the trials.” He shrugged, not looking at Sam. “Not saying we’re getting friendship bracelets or anything, but as long as he’s helping keep you alive, then…whatever.”

“Okay,” Sam said. “Good. That’s good.”

***

Interlude

Lucifer wandered around the cabin, which was still present in Sam’s head, grimacing. “Why do hunters all live like masochists?” he muttered. “Ugh. Begone.” He waved his hand at the uncomfortable-looking sofa, which vanished. Lucifer snapped his fingers, and in the space where it had been was a dark blue, squishy couch. He threw himself down on it and grinned.

“Much better,” he said. He looked around the cabin from his new angle.

“Hey, do you think we should put up drapes?” he said loudly.

There was no answer.

“Come on, Gadreel, I know you can hear me.”

Silence.

Lucifer snapped his fingers again, and a large boom box appeared on the coffee table. It was playing “Bohemian Rhapsody.” Lucifer turned it all the way up and sang along. At about the four minute mark, the cabin filled with white light and a high-pitched humming.

“Turn that down,” it said.

“What?” Lucifer shouted. “I can’t hear you over the music.”

The music turned off. Lucifer snapped it back on. It turned off again.

“I am trying to heal Sam,” the light said.

“Would you just appear as your old vessel again?” Lucifer said. “You’re giving me a migraine.”

The light and noise vanished, replaced by Gadreel as Lucifer had first seen him.

“Angels do not get migraines,” he said.

“It was just a figure of speech. What were you doing like that, anyway? You looked like this before.”

“I was fresh from this vessel before,” Gadreel said. “I still felt an affinity with it.”

Lucifer smirked. “You like him,” he said, sing-song. He frowned suspiciously. “Wait, you liked him. Why did you leave him for this one?”

“I am trying to help,” Gadreel replied. “And, as is plain from my appearance earlier, I do not feel bound to stay in this shape. It is easier to heal Sam the other way.” He glared at Lucifer. “Which is what I was trying to do, before you distracted me.”

“Look, now that we’re roomies, we’re going to have to talk about fixing up this dump,” Lucifer said. “Please tell me you don’t like modernist furniture, because we’re not doing that.”

“Do whatever you like,” Gadreel said. “I will be healing Sam.”

“You can’t do that every second.”

“Of course I can.”

“Even angels need to rest sometimes,” Lucifer said impatiently. “Or you’ll just burn the both of you out.” Gadreel hesitated, and Lucifer pressed his advantage. “You know I’m right! Besides, I gave you your own room.” He waved a hand towards the back of the cabin, and one of the doors creaked open.

Frowning, Gadreel walked back and looked in. There were a couple windows, which provided a view of the woods outside. The room was sparsely furnished, but it had a neat brass four-poster bed with a bright quilt, and a bedside table and desk in warm, matching cherry wood.

Gadreel looked back at Lucifer. “I don’t sleep,” he said, puzzled.

Lucifer rolled his eyes and jumped up from the couch. “It’s really more about the symbolism,” he said. Gadreel blinked at him, and he shrugged. “Human thing. You’ll get used to it. Anyway, you don’t like it, change it. Do whatever you want. Or don’t use it at all.” He folded his arms and leaned against the wall a few feet from Gadreel, head resting back. “All I know is, now that I figured out how to make things in this moosebrain, I’m going to enjoy it. When I was going for the Apocalypse, I didn’t care about any of this stuff. And before that…”

“You were in the Cage,” Gadreel said. “Imprisoned. As was I.”

“Bingo.” Lucifer still wasn’t looking at him.

Gadreel looked into the room that was his again for a moment. “Thank you,” he said finally. “I like it.”

“What about drapes?” Lucifer asked.

Gadreel frowned. “Drapes?”

“Yeah, should we have ‘em? If so, what color?”

Gadreel nodded slowly. “I think we should,” he said. “As for color…I have become rather fond of purple since my arrival on Earth.”

Lucifer stared at him, then burst out laughing. “Oh, for Dad’s sake,” he said. He waved at Gadreel dismissively. “Get back to healing Sam, would you? Leave the decorating to me.”

“What is it?” Gadreel demanded, but Lucifer only shook his head, still laughing. Gadreel made an irritated noise and disappeared.

Lucifer surveyed the room, hands on his hips. “Purple drapes,” he mumbled. “Looks like it’s up to me.”

***

Devil May Care

One of the demons threw Sam into a wall and he collapsed, unconscious.

“GADREEL!” Lucifer yelled.

“I know,” Gadreel said testily. He opened Sam’s eyes, and the abandoned diner filled with light.

“Don’t smite them, you idiot!” Lucifer said.

Gadreel paused. “Sam is in danger.”

“Yeah, and you don’t think he’ll be a little suspicious if he wakes up and their eyes are all burned out?”

“I have to kill them.”

“In Sam’s jacket pocket is a knife that will do the job. Use that, dumbass.”

Their exchange had taken place at the speed of thought, and so Gadreel barely paused before pulling out the knife and dispatching the demons.

Dean came in as Gadreel pulled the knife out of the last demon.

“They were going to kill him, Dean,” Gadreel said.

“Ezekiel? The hell did you do?”

“I was protecting your brother. I thought that was what you wanted.”

“Right, yeah, I’m sorry. I'm just still getting used to this whole thing.”

“As am I.”

“Me too,” Lucifer said cheerfully, aloud. “Dean, Ezekiel here wanted to put up purple drapes. Purple!”

Dean shut his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m not getting involved in your weird domestic disputes. Is Sam okay?”

“He was knocked unconscious. In a way, he still is. Sam will not remember any of this,” Gadreel said.

“So what the hell am I supposed to tell him when he comes to?”

“That's why I used the knife.”

“My idea,” Lucifer said quickly. “He was all set to burn them out.”

Dean sighed. “Right. Smart,” he said grudgingly.

“Thanks!”

“You are troubled, still,” Gadreel said.

“Yeah, it's just that...this is on me,” Dean said. “I was the one who talked Sam out of boarding up Hell. So every demon deal, every kill that they make...well, you're looking at the person who let it happen.”

“Well, I sure appreciate their sacrifice,” Lucifer said. Dean rolled his eyes.

“You were protecting your brother,” Gadreel said. “I am in Sam's head. Everything he knows, I know. And I know that what you did, you did out of love.”

“Yeah, look, Zeke—I'm gonna call you Zeke—I'm not really down with the whole, uh, love, and...love.”

“Oh, please,” Lucifer snorted. “I heard you back in the cabin. ‘There ain’t no me if there ain’t no you.’ You loooooove your baby brother.”

“Can’t you shut him up, Zeke?” Dean asked.

“I could,” Gadreel said. “But you do love Sam. That is why I agreed to help you.”

“Yeah,” Dean said. “And if that goes sideways, that's on me too.”

“That's not going to happen.”

Dean shook his head. “This is nuts. You're Sam, but you're not Sam – I mean, neither of you is Sam – and normally he's the one I'd be talking to about all this stuff.” He sighed. “I'm trusting you, Zeke. I just gotta hope that you're one of the good guys.”

“You and me both,” Lucifer said.

“I am,” Gadreel said. “But I suppose that is what a bad guy would say…Dean Winchester, you are doing the right thing.”

“He’d fucking better be,” Lucifer said, so only Gadreel could hear.

***

After Sam came to and they were in the Impala on the way back to the bunker, Sam called out to Lucifer in his mind.

“Busy,” he heard faintly in response. Frowning, he closed his eyes and concentrated on the source of the sound, realizing he could sense Lucifer’s presence in his head. He focused harder, and found himself standing outside Rufus’ cabin.

“What the…”

Sam walked up the steps and entered the cabin. Lucifer was standing in the middle of the living room area, looking at a book of fabric swatches.

“What is it?” Lucifer said, not looking up.

“What…what is this?” Sam asked.

“It’s not Interior Decorating 101, so get out,” Lucifer snapped.

“I mean – why is this cabin here? How?”

Lucifer finally looked up. “Well, I figured out how to create stuff here, kind of, and I thought it would be nice to have somewhere to hang out when you hand-scar me away, instead of a formless void.”

Sam swallowed. “You went to a void before?”

“That’s what I just said.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“You never bothered to ask,” Lucifer said, sounding bored. He walked to a window and held up one of the swatches against the frame.

“I – I’m sorry,” Sam said.

Lucifer didn’t say anything.

“So, why the cabin?” Sam asked, after a moment.

“What?”

“You said you can make anything here now. Why this place?”

“I didn’t say I can make anything. Details seem to be easier if you remember it well. You haven’t lived that many places, and this seemed like a better choice than ‘endless parade of tacky, depressing motel rooms.’”

“Why not the bunker?”

“Well, after countless millennia in the Cage, I kinda like a little sunlight every now and again.”

“Oh,” Sam said. “Right.” He looked around. “You’re doing a good job. This looks way better than the actual cabin.”

“Low bar, but thanks,” Lucifer muttered. Sam walked to the back, peeking in the bedrooms. One was covered with human conceptions of the devil – paintings, pop art, album covers; a couple statues in the corners; even a bobble-head on the bedside table. The other bedroom was pretty bare, but neat and appealing.

“What’s this other one for?” Sam asked.

Lucifer stalked back towards him. “What are you even talking about?”

Sam pointed. “The Satan room is yours, I assume.” He glanced in the other one. “What’s this one for? It doesn’t look like it does in the real cabin, so you must have fixed it up.” He cocked his head, trying to suppress a smile. “Is it for me?”

“No,” Lucifer practically shouted, sounding suddenly so angry that Sam took a half step back in surprise and alarm. “It’s a guest room.”

“Guest room? For who?”

“Well, Sammy, I don’t know when you might go crazy and end up with another imaginary friend, and if you do, I want to be prepared to entertain.” He folded his arms and glared at Sam. “Now, if you’re done with the interrogation, I’m pretty busy making this shithole habitable. So leave me alone.”

Sam glared back at him, hurt and bewildered. “What’s up with you lately? Why are you so mad at me? I just wanted to talk.”

“I’m not mad, I’m busy,” Lucifer spat.

“Fine,” Sam huffed. He opened his physical eyes and stared out the Impala’s window, resolutely keeping his attention on the roadside.

***

I’m No Angel

“I can’t believe you made Dean kick Castiel out of the bunker,” Lucifer said. “It’s like kicking a puppy.” He and Gadreel were in the living room in the cabin. Lucifer had been reading the fifth book in the Vampire Chronicles. Gadreel had been looking out the window, at the woods.

Gadreel turned to him, frowning. “You feel sympathy for him?”

Lucifer blinked innocently. “What are you talking about? I meant that it was hilarious.” He smirked.

Gadreel rolled his eyes, and started to turn back to the window.

“Seriously, though, it seems like a little much.”

“His presence means danger to me,” Gadreel said. “And therefore to Sam. And, therefore, to you.”

“It’s dangerous this way, too. It’s going to raise a huge red flag for Sam. You heard him – he’s already suspicious about how Dean found Castiel.”

“You are hardly helping in that regard,” Gadreel shot back.

“What? I haven’t said a word.”

“I have heard you talk to him lately. You let your anger show. He doesn’t remember accepting death, but he knows you are not behaving like yourself.”

Lucifer glared at him. “Stop eavesdropping.”

“Stop acting angry at Sam.”

“You’re not here to be a relationship counselor,” Lucifer snapped. “You’re here to fix Sam and get gone.”

“And I will not be able to do that if your behavior leads him to discover my presence.”

Lucifer huffed and went back to his book. Gadreel kept looking at him.

“I do not think you are as angry as you act,” Gadreel said quietly, after a moment. “Not anymore.”

Lucifer slammed his book shut. “Oh, good, please mansplain my own feelings to me.”

Gadreel’s gaze was steady. “You feel guilty.”

“Oh, really. What do I have to feel guilty for?”

“Keeping me a secret, perhaps?”

Lucifer glared daggers at Gadreel, who looked back at him without expression. After a moment, Lucifer groaned and put his head back.

“I hate you,” he said. He paused, and swallowed. “Thing is, I tortured Sam for a long time. Not even counting the Cage stuff that wasn’t really me…When I was first in his head, I just fucked with it as much as I could.”

“But not anymore,” Gadreel said quietly.

Lucifer shrugged. “I somehow ended up friends with that idiot. Can you believe that?”

“Yes,” Gadreel said. “From what I can tell, Sam Winchester is a very good man.”

“Yeah! Exactly! What the hell am I doing being friends with a good man? Or a human? Or anyone?”

“You are very different from what I remembered,” Gadreel said. “I think Sam has been a good influence on you.”

Lucifer groaned again. “That’s the most depressing thing I’ve ever heard.”

Gadreel smiled slightly. “I know this situation is challenging for us all. But I believe – and, more importantly, you and Dean believe – that this is what is best for Sam. Forgive yourself, for the necessary falsehoods. And forgive Sam.” He rose. “I think I am ready to continue healing him, now.” He disappeared.

“Oh, yeah, because we can all just dispense forgiveness like Pez,” Lucifer muttered.

***

Slumber Party

“Find the girls,” Sam and Dean, possessed by the Wicked Witch, said in unison. “Kill them both.”

“Oh, what the actual fuck,” Lucifer said. “Lady, we’re full up in here!”

Gadreel, who had collapsed on the couch in the cabin after resurrecting Charlie, struggled to sit up. “I will take this enchantment off him.”

Lucifer easily pushed him back down. “You couldn’t take the enchantment off a fruit fly, little bro,” he said. “Don’t worry. I’m sure the girls will find some way to save Frick and Frack out there.”

“And if they do not?”

“Then you can try. But seriously, hunters are ridiculously stubborn. They defeated me. Me! Crazy, right?”

Gadreel rolled his eyes.

***

Later that night, Lucifer appeared in the library, standing behind an armchair, where Sam sat reading a book on angel lore. Lucifer leaned his forearms on the back of the chair and rested his chin on them, peering over Sam’s shoulder.

“There are like ten things wrong on that page alone,” he said.

Sam smiled and closed the book. “Good to see you,” he said. “You missed some crazy stuff earlier.”

“Oh, I saw the flying monkeys.”

“Did you happen to notice me getting possessed by the Wicked Witch of the West?”

“Yeah. You have weird taste in who you let inside you, Sam.”

“No kidding,” Sam said drily. He was quiet for a second. “Something else happened.”

“Oh?”

“I thought I heard Dean say some guy’s name, right before the witch got the drop on me. I swear he said ‘Zeke.’”

“Sometimes things just pop out in the throes of passion, Sammy. I’m sure your brother still loves you best.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “I just…Dean’s been acting strange, lately. It was so weird how Cas left, and Dean keeps acting like…I don’t know. I’m afraid he might be keeping something from me.”

“Or, you’re paranoid from everything that’s ever happened to you in your whole life,” Lucifer said.

Sam sighed. “Yeah. Yeah, maybe it’s nothing.”

Lucifer patted his hair. “Go back to your wildly inaccurate book and don’t worry your pretty little head about it.”

Sam huffed a little laugh. “Yeah, okay,” he said, opening his book again. Lucifer returned to the cabin.

“That was well done,” Gadreel said from the couch, where he was still recovering.

Lucifer plopped down in an armchair. “Yeah,” he said morosely. “Felt great. I’m really out of the habit of lying.”

“Well, you were always very good at it.”

Lucifer heaved a sigh. “Is it time to have this out?”

“We have become friends, I feel. I thought you might be willing to talk about it with me. The Garden.”

“Not technically me,” Lucifer reminded him.

“The real Lucifer – ”

“We call him the other Lucifer. I’m real. Death even said so.”

Gadreel exhaled impatiently. “Very well. The other Lucifer is not available. And you share many of his memories, do you not? You remember them as if they were your own?”

“Yeeeeees,” Lucifer said reluctantly.

“And you remember the Garden?”

“Yeah. All right. What do you want to know?”

Gadreel was silent for a moment. “Only…why? Why did you do it?”

Lucifer shrugged. “I was a jealous kid. Dad brought home a new baby and I wanted to cut off all its hair so he loved me best again. I had to get through the babysitter. AKA, you.”

“You doomed me,” Gadreel said. “I was locked up for countless millennia, reviled and disgraced – ”

“Join the club,” Lucifer snapped.

“At least you were imprisoned for your own crimes. I served my time for yours.”

“Well, you did let me in,” Lucifer said. “After Dad said not to.”

“I loved humanity,” Gadreel said quietly. “I convinced myself that I had done right, letting you in. That I had freed them…But I am not always so certain.” He looked at Lucifer. “Do you regret it? At all?”

Lucifer shrugged. “I don’t like wasting time with regrets.” He was silent for a moment, frowning. “But I guess…if it makes you feel any better, which it won’t, and if it makes living together any easier, which maybe it will…I guess I’m kind of…a little bit…sorry.” He said the last word so quietly it was nearly inaudible.

Gadreel blinked. “Did you just apologize to me?” he said, astonishment painted across his features.

“Maybe. Sort of. Don’t expect it to happen again.” Lucifer stood up abruptly. “I’m going to my room to play with fire.” He stomped down the hall.

***

Dog Dean Afternoon

“That was pretty fucking obvious, Gadreel,” Lucifer said. “Just taking Sam over out of nowhere to heal him.”

“Would you have preferred I let him bleed to death?” Gadreel demanded. “Those gashes in his neck could have been fatal.”

Lucifer shrugged. “Just saying…Oh, and now he’s unconscious.”

“Should I – ”

“Leave him, at least for now. If the lights stay out too long, you can drive.”

Five or ten minutes later, they heard Dean’s voice.

“For the love of god, Sammy! Hey, Sammy!” A brief pause. “Zeke?”

“I should speak to him,” Gadreel said.

Lucifer held up a hand. “Allow me. You keep resting.”

“Don’t make me lick your damn face,” Dean was saying.

Lucifer opened Sam’s eyes. “Ew! What the hell is wrong with you?” he demanded. “You know you two are brothers, right?”

“Lucifer?”

“No, it’s the Queen of England,” Lucifer said. “Address me as ‘Your Majesty.’” He winced at the pain in Sam’s head.

“Where’s Sam? Is he all right?”

“I think so, but listen, you have to be careful.”

“Careful of what?”

“Calling out for Ezekiel all the time, dumbass! Sam’s suspicious enough as it is. It’s a full-time job, trying to convince him nothing’s going on. And I don’t even get benefits.”

Dean sighed and rubbed his jaw. “I’m trying.”

“Well, try harder.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Dean hesitated. “Listen, dude…thanks.”

“For what?”

“For all this. Helping look out for Sam. It says a lot about you that you’re protecting him like this.” Dean tried to smile. “After this is all over, I owe you a piece of pie. Or, uh – what was it you liked? Honey Nut Cheerios?”

Lucifer blinked. “Uh…yeah, I do.” He sensed Sam beginning to stir. “Gotta go. Try not to get us killed.” He shut Sam’s eyes.

A second later Sam’s eyes opened again.

“Sammy?” Dean said.

“Yeah…” Sam blinked up at him. “Were you talking to Lucifer?”

“Uh…yeah. I guess he doesn’t go unconscious when you do.”

“Why did he say not to get us killed?”

“Oh, who knows. Self-preservation, I guess.” Dean gave Sam his hand to help him to his feet. “Come on.”

***

Bad Boys

“Dean…thank you,” Sam said.

“For what?”

“For always being there, for – having my back. Look, I know it hasn’t always been easy…”

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”

Dean started the car, and the Impala roared off into the night.

“Tell your brother to just take the fucking compliment,” Lucifer said, from the backseat.

Sam smiled slightly, shrugging.

“Tell him what I said!”

Sam raised his eyebrows, and turned to Dean. “Uh, Lucifer says – ”

“Oh, just let him talk to me his damn self,” Dean said.

“Really?”

Dean glanced at him and shrugged. After a moment, Sam’s posture changed, and Lucifer gave Dean an annoyed look.

“Why can’t you just say ‘you’re welcome’ to your stupid little brother?”

“What the hell business of it is yours?” Dean shot back, though he didn’t sound really angry.

“I know from shitty, absentee fathers. And I can tell you, Sam wouldn’t be even the semi-functional person he is today if it weren’t for you.” Lucifer glared at him. “If Michael had kept caring about me after the Fall even one-tenth as much as you are obsessed with Sam’s wellbeing after all you two have been through, maybe I wouldn’t have tried to end the world.”

Dean glanced at him, surprised. “Are you kidding?”

“NO. You two might be terrifyingly co-dependent, but at least you make Sam feel like someone gives a shit about him. Just feel your stupid human feelings and give him a single tear of manly emotion or something.”

Sam shifted again as Lucifer vacated the driver’s seat. For a moment, the car was silent.

“Well, you’re welcome, I guess,” Dean said. “You knew that’s basically what I meant anyway, right?”

“Yeah.” Sam smiled slightly. “So, when did you and Lucifer get all buddy-buddy?”

“What? I don’t know. We’re not.”

“It just seems like you got comfortable with him really fast after the angels fell.”

Dean shrugged. “I told you. He had my back about stopping the trials.”

“And it really doesn’t bother you anymore when he drives?”

“Nah,” Dean said. “It’s fine.” He turned on the radio, and Sam knew he wasn’t going to get anything else out of him.

***

Interlude

Sam was dreaming. There was a bright white light, and it made his exhausted body feel just a little bit better. But there was someone in it, too; an alien consciousness. It felt benign, yet there was something about it that made Sam afraid. Something restless, sad, maybe even desperate; something that was capable of evil, in its desire to do good.

Sam recognized the being with a jolt of panic. Angel.

No! he tried to shout, but he couldn’t find his voice. Its attention was suddenly on him –

He woke in his bed in the bunker, sitting up quickly. He was covered with sweat and his heart was pounding.

“Lucifer,” Sam said.

“WHAAAAAAT,” Lucifer said, appearing to sit in the desk chair in Sam’s room. “It’s early.” He gave a huge yawn and an exaggerated stretch of his arms.

“You don’t sleep,” Sam said. He frowned. “Do you?”

“No. Well, sometimes, for novelty. What do you want?”

Sam shivered, not only because of the chill air on his clammy skin. “I had a nightmare.”

“Oh, did you want me to bring you some water and a teddy bear and tuck you back in?”

“The thing is, it didn’t really feel like a dream…It was an angel.”

“Huh. Was it me?”

Sam shook his head. “It didn’t feel like you, or like the other Lucifer. When I have nightmares about him, I always know it’s him.”

Lucifer looked at him strangely. “You still have nightmares about him?”

“Yeah.”

Lucifer shrugged. “So, your brain decided to try something new. What do you want from me?”

“Do you…do you think something’s wrong with me?”

“Sam, we don’t have time to go through that whole list.”

“I mean…inside. Does anything ever…feel weird to you? Off, somehow?”

“All the time. I could definitely do without your digestion.” Lucifer shuddered. “Not like you mean, though.”

Sam sighed, and lay back down. “Okay.”

There was a long silence. “I’m sure it was just a dream, you king-sized baby,” Lucifer said.

“Yeah,” Sam replied. “Probably that’s all it was.”

***

Rock and a Hard Place

Sam was telling Dean how he felt like something might be really wrong with him. Finally, Dean couldn’t take it anymore.

“Listen to me,” Dean said. “It’s not you, Sam.”

Sam’s eyes glowed. “I wouldn’t do that, Dean,” Gadreel said.

“He deserves to know.”

“Your brother is not ready. If he ejects me, he will not make it.”

“Damn it, Zeke! How much longer do we have to keep playing this?”

“Not much longer. I promise you that.”

Gadreel reappeared in the cabin. Lucifer frowned at him.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this or would ever even think it, but I agree with Dean. Sam’s suspicious as hell. We have to tell him.”

“No.”

Lucifer rolled his eyes. “Come on. Listen – I’ll tell him. He knows I don’t want him to die, out of self-preservation, if nothing else. I think he’s over his deathwish, anyway. I’ll explain that you’re trustworthy, Dean will confirm all the stuff you’ve done, and – ”

“No!” Gadreel looked angry. “He will eject me, and he will die. And so will you.”

Lucifer crossed his arms, frowning. “What is it with you? Are you trying to prove something to somebody? Dad? I mean, he does have an inexplicable love for the Winchesters – ”

“I have only Sam’s best interests at heart,” Gadreel snapped. “And my desire to be able to heal myself. I cannot do that, and I cannot help Sam – or Dean, or Castiel, all of whom I have assisted – if Sam ejects me. Telling him of my presence is not an option.” He disappeared.

“And people say I’m the dramatic one in the family,” Lucifer muttered.

***

Holy Terror

“You can’t possibly be considering listening to Metatron,” Lucifer shouted from the living room of the cabin.

There was no response.

“I know you can hear me, you fucker! Listen: he’s a weasel. You’d be an idiot to even think about following him.”

Nothing.

Lucifer stamped his foot and screamed at the top of his lungs until Gadreel finally appeared, looking furious.

“He is a weasel? You are not exactly trustworthy, yourself.”

“Fine, but it takes one to know one. That smarmy little shit thinks he can be God?! The secretary is going to be your new stepdad?”

“He wants to make changes in Heaven,” Gadreel said stubbornly.

“Oh, yeah, I’m sure that’s going to go well. Anyway, this is all a moot point because this is not the agreement you made with Dean! What about Sam?”

“I will continue to heal Sam.”

“While you run around doing Metatron’s dirty work? How long will that take? Also, you’re only supposed to drive Sam when you really have to – ”

“This is my opportunity to redeem myself!” Gadreel shouted. “After countless millennia imprisoned and hated – because of you – ”

“I thought we hugged that out!” Lucifer screeched. “But it doesn’t matter either way, because you can’t do this to Sam – ”

Gadreel looked down. “It is unfortunate, the timing,” he said. “But I must do this. When I’m sure Sam is healed, I will see if I can retake my old vessel.”

He disappeared. Lucifer snarled.

“Sam – ”

I cannot let you do that, Gadreel’s voice said. Lucifer could feel his mental hail to Sam bouncing off the walls of the cabin. He ran to the door, but it was sealed shut. The windows were similarly impregnable.

“YOU DESERVED EVERYTHING YOU GOT,” Lucifer shouted. “WEAK, PATHETIC ASS-KISSER!”

***

Gadreel looked down at the yellow card in his hand. Kevin Tran.

“I fucking told you so,” Lucifer said.

Gadreel sighed. He’d been unable to stop Lucifer from seeing what went on with the vessel, or shut out his voice. He could only block him from communicating with Sam.

Perhaps, Gadreel thought, he hadn’t truly wanted to stop talking to Lucifer.

“Tell me you’re not going to do it,” Lucifer continued. He didn’t sound like he had much hope.

“I wish I could,” Gadreel replied. “But I must prove my loyalty to Metatron.”

“All you’re proving is that you’re a world-class idiot.” Lucifer glared at him. “When Sam wakes up again – and he will, probably before you want him to, because you have no idea how creepily determined the Winchesters are to save each other – this is going to fucking kill him. But you couldn’t care less, could you? Or about the Propheteer.”

“I do care,” Gadreel said quietly. “I wish there was another way.”

“Cry me a fucking river,” Lucifer snapped.

“Brother – ”

“I’m not your brother. I never really was.”

“But we were friends,” Gadreel said. “Try to understand – ”

“Were friends,” Lucifer said. “Emphasis on the implied ‘never again.’”

***

“There is no more Sam,” Gadreel said, standing over Kevin’s body. Dean looked horrified. “But, I played him convincingly, I thought.”

Incandescent with rage, Lucifer threw himself at the cabin walls and felt something give. Suddenly, he was driving.

“Not bad; four stars,” he gasped, aloud. “Not that it’s a difficult part.”

“Lucifer?” Dean said. “Is Sam really – ”

“Of course not,” Lucifer snapped. “Get this asshole out of here and get your brother back.”

Dean frowned. “Did you know?” he demanded. “Did you know it wasn’t Ezekiel?”

“Obviously,” Lucifer said.

“What the hell, man?” Dean asked angrily.

Lucifer’s face dropped. “I’m sorry. I thought he was cool.”

Dean sighed and rubbed his face. “Yeah. I get it. You didn’t really do anything I didn’t do.”

“Phew, I’m so relieved our bromance is still on.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Look, can you hold on? Keep control until we can figure out how to kick out – whoever it is?”

Lucifer shook Sam’s head, looking strained. “I – ”

He felt like a truck hit him. His body slammed down on the floor of the cabin. He felt completely drained.

Naptime. Should be fun, he thought, before blackness overtook him.

***

Road Trip

“You want to be my second in command?” Metatron said. “Prove you’re ready. Prove you’re loyal. Or, don’t. Walk away. Go back to being Gadreel the traitor. The sap. Heaven’s longest-running joke.”

Gadreel stared down at the name on the napkin.

“I’m sorry, damn it,” Lucifer said. “Again. I mean it. I was an asshole back then and I shouldn’t have tricked you. And they shouldn’t have imprisoned and tortured you for so long. But being Metatron’s bitch isn’t going to help anything. Trust me.”

“This is my chance. I cannot squander it.”

“Look, I’ll keep the cabin clean. I’ll do your dishes for a month. Forever!”

“We don’t eat.”

Lucifer threw up his hands. “Fine, I’ll do whatever you want. Just please stop killing people with the moosebody.”

Gadreel shook his head. He looked determined. “No,” he said. “I have to do this. And I can’t let you distract me anymore.”

Lucifer found himself back in the cabin, blind and deaf to what was going on with the vessel, and still unable to leave or contact Sam. He gave an inarticulate cry of anger, and, conjuring a baseball bat, went to Gadreel’s room and began smashing.

When the glass was broken and the furniture had been reduced to kindling, Lucifer stomped out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him.

***

Hours later, Lucifer faintly heard voices.

“What’s taking so long?” Dean demanded.

“Other than the fact that I’m trying to unravel a living, multidimensional knot of pure energy, not much.” Crowley. Lucifer would recognize that smug tone anywhere.

They were doing something to Gadreel. Which meant, maybe…

Lucifer strained hard, and suddenly he was driving again. He gasped at the pain in Sam’s head.

“Sammy?” Dean said.

“Guess again,” Lucifer said. “Oh for Dad’s sake, what are you doing to us?”

Crowley was frowning at him. “That’s Gadreel?”

“It’s Lucifer,” Dean said.

“Excuse me, I think I must have gotten a little crazy in my ear, because it sounded like you just said that Lucifer is possessing Samantha.”

“Heh. Samantha. I like that,” Lucifer said.

“He’s not the real Lucifer,” Castiel said.

“Fuck you very much, trench coat,” Lucifer said.

“It’s a long story, but he’s not the original Lucifer,” Dean said quickly. “He has some of his memories and stuff, but he’s like…Sam’s imaginary friend version of Lucifer.”

“I’m not imaginary!”

“I’m just trying to explain it fast!” Dean said.

“Friend?” Crowley asked, dubiously.

“Weirdly, yeah,” Dean said.

“Wait…I heard him before. Last year, in the church, during the trial. I thought it was a hallucination from the blood injections.”

Dean nodded. “He helped me stop Sam, so you have him to thank that you’re not human and Hell’s still open for business.”

Crowley pursed his lips. “Fine.” He looked at Lucifer. “So. What can you do to help?”

“Again I ask, what the hell are you doing to us?”

“We are trying to locate Sam, so that he can eject Gadreel,” Castiel said. “Do you know where he is?”

Lucifer shook Sam’s head. “Gadreel’s got me locked up tight.” He heard a high-pitched ringing. “Oh, fuck.”

“What – ”

Lucifer was back in the cabin again. “You are such a douchenozzle, Gadreel!” he shouted.

***

A couple minutes later, Crowley appeared in the cabin. Lucifer jumped up from the couch.

“What depressing, rustic hellscape is this?” Crowley asked, staring around.

“Hey, I’ve been working hard on fixing up this depressing hellscape!” Lucifer said. He pointed at a window. “DRAPES!”

“Gold star for effort,” Crowley said. “Where’s the moose?”

“I told you, I don’t know,” Lucifer said morosely.

“Gadreel said he had him thinking he was working some case with Squirrel.”

“Well, then he’d probably be in the Men of Letters library, researching.” Lucifer rolled his eyes. “He has a giant boner for research.”

“Sounds about right. How do we get out of here?”

“We can’t. Or at least, I can’t. Gadreel has me on time out, too.”

Crowley went to the door and rattled the handle, then started pushing against the door. “Make yourself useful,” he commanded. “Come help me.”

“I’m your king! Show a little respect,” Lucifer said automatically.

Crowley glared. “No, you’re not. I’m King of Hell. Now help me open the bloody door so I can save the stupid damsel in distress!”

Lucifer stared at him. “Oh my Dad, you actually like darling Sammy,” he said.

“From what I hear, you’re besties, so stop throwing stones and get over here.”

Lucifer snickered and took the door at a run. Under the strength of their combined efforts, it gave way, and they were outside.

“Good,” Crowley said, and vanished.

“You were supposed to take me with you, asshole,” Lucifer yelled.

***

Lucifer followed the sound of a gunshot and arrived at Sam’s mental version of the Men of Letters library just in time to see Sam with his foot on Gadreel’s neck.

“I said get…the hell…out!” Sam shouted. Lucifer whooped, jumping up in the air with a fist raised. There was a blinding flash of light.

“And stay out!” Lucifer added.

Gadreel was gone. Sam looked at Lucifer.

“Where have you been?” he demanded.

“That asshole had me locked away.” Lucifer grimaced. “It was so boring.”

“But you knew,” Sam said, voice low.

“I can see you two have a lot to talk about,” Crowley said. “Don’t want to get in the middle of a lover’s quarrel. You’re welcome, moose. See you on the outside.” He disappeared.

“Sam – ” Lucifer started.

“Not now,” Sam said. “I have to check on Dean.”

He disappeared, and Lucifer could see him gasping awake in his body. Lucifer grumbled and went back to the cabin.

***

After Sam and Castiel had been in Castiel’s car on the way back to the bunker for five or ten silent minutes, Lucifer finally appeared to Sam in the backseat. He could tell Sam knew he was there, but Sam said nothing. After a couple minutes, Lucifer decided enough was enough.

“Sooooooooooo,” he said. “This is awkward.”

“I could use a little more time,” Sam said quietly.

“Come on. I’ve been stuck in the cabin for days. I could use a little company.”

“You had company, didn’t you?” Sam gave a bitter little laugh. “I can’t believe I thought that room was for me. I guess I’m just as stupid as you always say I am.”

Lucifer blinked. This was a new kind of Sam to deal with. “Self-deprecating doesn’t really work on you, Sam. Not your brand.”

“I walked around with an angel riding me for months, and I had no idea,” Sam replied, voice hard. “I’m a fucking moron.”

“Well, me and Dean did conspire and trick you,” Lucifer said cheerfully, watching Sam closely.

Sam shook his head, but didn’t reply.

“Look,” Lucifer said, when he felt that the silence had stretched out more than long enough. “I know it was kind of a bitch-ass move. I really didn’t think Gadreel would end up being like that. And...” He swallowed. “I really, actually, for realsies, am – ”

“Stop,” Sam said, wearily. “I know why you did it. Why Dean did. And for you, I know it was your life on the line, too. I get it. So just…don’t worry about it.”

Lucifer took a moment, trying to parse this. “So…we’re cool, then?”

“Yeah,” Sam said. “We’re cool.”

“Okay.” Lucifer nodded. “Great. So, how about you ask your big brother to turn on the radio or something, cause – ”

“Actually,” Sam interrupted. “I’m pretty tired. I’m just going to try and get some sleep on the way.” He leaned back, shutting his eyes.

“Cool,” Lucifer muttered. “Cool cool cool.”

***

First Born

“Booooooored,” Lucifer said, as he watched Sam and Castiel research. “How do we know that the angelic resonance thing Castiel is sensing isn’t me?”

“We know it because you’re not actually an angel,” Sam said.

“I’ve found something,” Castiel said suddenly. “It’s a detail about when angels leave their vessels…I think it’s Enochian, which can be a bit flowery.”

“No shit. It’s the worst,” Lucifer put in. He tried to say it aloud, so Castiel could gain the benefit of his insight, but Sam frowned and stopped him.

“‘And the departed shall remain, and the remains shall be the departed,’” Castiel read.

“Okay, so when an angel leaves a vessel, they leave behind a piece of themselves. Like…an angelic fingerprint,” Sam said.

“Whatever you want to call it, this piece of the departed contains grace.”

“Wait, so you’re saying there’s angelic grace inside of me?”

“Wouldn’t there already have been, from not-me?” Lucifer said.

“Yes,” Castiel replied to Sam. “But it’s fading each time I heal you.”

“So probably I don’t have any from the other Lucifer,” Sam said, in his mind. “It’d all be gone by now.”

He replied aloud to Castiel, and Lucifer, deciding he was not interested in this conversation that had nothing to do with him, conjured himself a Superball and started throwing it against the wall, tuning them out.

He followed Sam and Castiel to the medical room, still bouncing the ball and paying no attention to what was going on with them. Finally, he looked up when he heard Sam gasp in pain, and saw Castiel pushing a huge needle into Sam’s head. Lucifer let the ball bounce away, blinking at the scene in front of him.

“What the hell medical kink play is this?” he asked finally.

Instead of answering as if he was talking aloud, the way they usually did, Sam sent Lucifer a bundle of thoughts that contained more images and memories than words – extractiongraceforspellfindGadreel; and instantly, Lucifer knew exactly what was happening. It was a more efficient form of communication, but one they didn’t use too often, as the intimacy of it could be a little much.

Lucifer winced; the thoughts had been laced with the pain Sam was feeling. He wandered over to stand by Sam’s side in his mental view, next to Castiel.

“I – I need to push the needle in deeper,” Castiel said. “We need more grace in order to cast the spell.”

“Okay. Do it,” Sam said.

“There’s a ‘deeper’ joke to be made here, during this intense fetish scene,” Lucifer said.

“Sam, if I get too close to – ” Castiel started.

“Damn it, Cas! Just do it,” Sam snapped.

“Don’t be rude to the people trying to help you,” Lucifer scolded him.

“Like you’re one to talk about rudeness! You – ” Sam cried out in pain, and Lucifer could see the images flashing through Sam’s mind: of Gadreel, and of his body breaking down during the trials.

“Calm down,” Lucifer said quickly. “It’s okay. He’s gone. You’re going to be fine.” Sam took a deep, shuddering breath.

Castiel pulled out the needle.

“What the hell was that?” Sam demanded.

“Your body is regressing to the state it was in before Gadreel.”

“Oh, HELL NO,” Lucifer interjected.

“Do we have enough grace for the summoning spell?” Sam asked.

“Sam…” Castiel said.

“Do we or not, Cas?”

“No.”

Sam put his head back again. “Then keep going.”

“I said, hell no!” Lucifer said. Sam ignored him.

Lucifer watched as Sam made Castiel take more and more grace, pushing his limits.

“Why must the Winchesters run towards death?” Castiel said.

“RIGHT?” Lucifer shouted. It came out of Sam’s mouth, and Castiel blinked, but Sam had thrown Lucifer out of the driver’s seat and grabbed Castiel’s hand in an instant.

“No, don’t,” Sam said. “Don’t stop.”

“There’s a time when it’s irresponsible not to safeword out of a scene, Sam,” Lucifer said. But Sam insisted they continue. Finally, Castiel pulled the needle out and healed Sam.

“Thanks be to Dad for you, little bro,” Lucifer said aloud. Sam pushed him out of the driver’s seat again. The mental shove felt angry.

***

Lucifer watched as Sam and Castiel attempted the spell to locate Gadreel. The mixture shimmered and boiled, and then faded away.

“Was that it?” Sam asked.

“I’m afraid there wasn’t enough grace,” Castiel said. “We’ll have to find Gadreel another way. I’m sorry, Sam.”

“It’s all right, Cas,” Sam replied. “You were right about everything.”

He leaned over and hugged Castiel. Lucifer raised his eyebrows.

“Now’s the part where you hug back,” Sam said.

“Oh,” Castiel said. “Right. Uh, sorry.” He hugged Sam. Sam chuckled.

“There you go,” he said. He patted Castiel’s face as he pulled back.

“You two should just kiss already,” Lucifer said cheerfully, aloud. Sam shook his head, dislodging Lucifer from the driver’s seat once more.

“Was that Lucifer?” Castiel asked.

“Yeah,” Sam said.

“He spoke before.”

“I know.”

“He seemed worried about you.”

Sam nodded shortly. After a moment, Castiel went on.

“As far as I’m concerned, Metatron is the key to fixing everything that’s wrong. I’m going to find him.” He started to walk away, but stopped and turned back. “You know, Sam, we could use all the help we could get to find Gadreel and Metatron.”

“We got this,” Sam said.

Castiel turned away again. Sam stood in front of the failed potion ingredients, pensive.

“Was that directed towards me, do you think?” Lucifer asked.

“He was talking about Dean,” Sam replied.

“Are you sure he just meant Dean? Because – ”

“Don’t worry about it,” Sam snapped. “And listen, you need to stop driving all the time like that. You have to ask permission.”

“As you pointed out, Sammy, I’m not actually an angel.”

“I don’t mean you physically require permission to. I’m telling you to ask.”

“You haven’t cared about that for a long time.”

“Well, that was before another angel took over my body, and you helped him!”

Lucifer crossed his arms and glared at Sam. “You said we were cool.”

“I understand why you did what you did. And I forgive you. I do. But I’m still pissed. It’s going to take some time before I can trust you again.”

“Well why didn’t you say that when I first asked you about it, passive-aggressive princess?” Lucifer demanded. He vanished, and Sam heard the slamming of a door. Sam frowned, and stalked off towards the kitchen.

***

Sharp Teeth/Captives/#thinman

Lucifer made himself scarce over the next couple weeks. Sam barely saw him when he went to check on Garth and ran into Dean. Lucifer showed up to make fun of Sam for running after a spirit (which turned out to be Kevin) with a sword, but Sam just snapped at him to leave him alone, still too angry to find Lucifer’s mockery anything but annoying. Lucifer scowled at his reaction.

“ARE WE JUST ROOMMATES AND NOT BROTHERS ANYMORE?!” he screeched. Sam glared at him – that conversation with Dean was still fresh – and Lucifer snarled and disappeared.

After the encounter with the Ghostfacers, Sam and Dean gave Harry a ride home.

“Harry? You okay?” Dean asked Harry, who was sitting in the backseat.

“Yeah,” Harry said. “I mean, no. You roll with a guy so many years, you start to think he's always gonna be next to you. Like, when you're old and you're drinking on the porch, he'll be in that other rocking chair. And then something happens, and you realize that other chair has gone empty.”

Sam and Dean sat silently. Sam could almost feel Dean thinking about the two of them, just like he was.

“You know what I mean?” Harry finished.

Neither of them responded. Sam couldn’t think of what to say, but he glanced into the rearview mirror in case he could catch Harry’s eye and give him a sympathetic look. Instead, he saw Lucifer sitting in the backseat, looking out the car window with a surprisingly unguarded, sad look on his face. It only lasted a few seconds before he realized Sam saw him; when he did, he stuck his forked tongue out and disappeared. Sam rolled his eyes. Lucifer couldn’t be that upset.

***

Interlude

Sam slammed a book shut and shoved it away. Rarely would he treat a book that way, especially one of the treasured tomes in the Men of Letters’ library, but trying to find Abaddon was beyond frustrating. He felt like he’d been in the library for years. Dean was on a beer run; Sam had declined to go with him, but now he thought maybe he should have, if only to get out of the bunker for an hour.

Sam decided it was past time for a break, and moved to one of the armchairs. He put his head back and rubbed his eyes. He almost reached out instinctively for Lucifer; before he’d found out about Gadreel, that had been his habit in a lot of spare moments, if Lucifer wasn’t already around. The instinct was still there, but he’d been checking it.

Only…all of a sudden, he didn’t entirely feel like checking it. Sam realized he hadn’t seen or heard from Lucifer for at least a couple days, and he felt a little worried, all of a sudden. Concerned, he decided. Worried was too strong a word.

“Lucifer?” he said, in his mind. There was no response, so Sam shut his eyes and willed himself to the cabin.

He knocked, but there was still no response, so he pushed the door open and walked in.

Lucifer was sprawled out on the couch, reading a copy of MAD magazine and chewing gum. He had headphones on.

“Busy,” he said flatly.

“You don’t look busy,” Sam replied. Lucifer rolled his eyes and blew a bubble with his gum, then popped it loudly.

Sam walked slowly around the cabin, taking in the changes Lucifer had made. The door to the spare room – Gadreel’s room, he’d realized some time ago – was shut tight.

Sam grimaced as he looked at it. It was a painful reminder…and then suddenly, he felt a rush of fear, although he knew it was illogical. Gadreel was gone – Sam would never have said yes to him again – but, then, he hadn’t known he’d said yes in the first place, had he? What if he’d been worse off than he’d known after Cas had extracted the grace – what if Cas hadn’t been able to heal him like he thought had happened –

“There’s nothing in there!” Lucifer shouted, but Sam threw the door open anyway, breath coming in fast, panicky gulps.

There was no one, of course. Sam frowned as he took in the room, which was in a shambles; every window broken, the furniture destroyed. Lucifer came up behind him, looking over his shoulder.

“Do you like my redecorating efforts?”

“What – you did this?” Sam asked.

“Who else?”

Sam shook his head. “I don’t know, I figured…Gadreel on his way out, or something?”

“Oh, no, he wouldn’t have had time. Plus, that stick up his ass would make it hard to throw a proper hissy fit.” Lucifer shoved past Sam and closed the bedroom door, then threw himself down on the couch again. He picked up the magazine, but didn’t put the headphones back on.

Sam frowned at him. “But I thought…You’ve been fixing this place up.”

Lucifer shrugged, leafing through the magazine. “I was in a bad mood.”

Sam’s frown deepened, and then understanding dawned. He sat down slowly on one of the armchairs. “You were angry at him. When he possessed me – I mean, when he took over driving for real, and…” Sam swallowed. “Started doing what he did.”

Lucifer shrugged. “Well, yeah,” he said blandly. “You think you know a guy.”

“You were friends with him,” Sam said quietly.

Lucifer looked up, finally, and groaned. “Oh, no. You have your therapist face on.”

“Tell me I’m wrong,” Sam insisted.

“Ugh. Look, it wasn’t a bromance for the ages, but yeah. We were something like friends.”

Sam took a breath, thinking. “I’m sorry,” he said.

Lucifer threw the magazine to the floor. “I tricked you and lied to you and let you get possessed when you never would have wanted it, and you’re apologizing to me?”

“Sometimes I forget, what it must be like for you alone in here all the time,” Sam said. “I know I had a right to be pissed, but I probably should have figured out something other than to just freeze you out all the time.” He gave a slight smile. “Put on an episode of Charmed for you, or something.”

Lucifer pursed his lips. “So, does this mean we’re besties again?”

Sam huffed a little laugh. “We’re…on the mend. I think. I’ll try.”

“I’ve been glad to observe that you seem to be getting over your shit with Dean, too.”

Sam blinked, surprised. “Since when do you care about my relationship with Dean?”

“Since I used to get to talk to him out loud.”

“Oh.” Sam looked pensive. “Right.”

“And, since I’m pretty sure he’s on the verge of a single tear of manpain every time he looks at you.” Lucifer shuddered. “It’s all I can do not to hurl at the sight.” He looked at Sam, who was staring at him, open-mouthed. “What? Do I have something in my teeth?”

“Dean’s your friend too, isn’t he?”

Lucifer groaned again.

“I’m sorry,” Sam said. “Things being strained between us has really messed up your life.”

Lucifer groaned more loudly. “Hey, look at that, it’s ten of. I think our time is up, doctor.”

Sam smiled. “Yeah,” he said. “Okay.”

***

Interlude

Sam was dreaming. He saw his hand reach out and land on Kevin’s head. He felt Gadreel’s emotions: regret, and determination. He saw Kevin’s head filling with light.

“No!” he tried to scream. He tried to tear his hand away, but he was locked in his mind, unable to do anything. Sam screamed and screamed, but no sound came out of his mouth.

“Wake UP!” someone was shouting.

Sam sat bolt upright in bed, tears streaming down his face. In his mind’s eye, he could see Lucifer, sitting on the edge of the bed and staring at him with raised eyebrows.

“That was very dramatic,” Lucifer informed him. “I could hear you all the way in the cabin.”

“Dean’s going to bust in here,” Sam said, eyeing the door.

“I think the screaming was all in your head, so I had to bear the brunt of it. Thanks ever so,” Lucifer drawled. Sam drew his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, trying to breathe normally.

“Do I even want to know what that was all about?” Lucifer asked.

Sam swallowed. “Kevin,” he said, not looking at Lucifer. “I’m getting some of Gadreel’s memories. I remember when he killed Kevin.”

“Oh. Awkward.” Lucifer shifted a little. “Look, Sam…You didn’t let me get it out before, so this seems like a good time to say I am actually sorry.”

“I know you are,” Sam said quietly. He met Lucifer’s eyes, and gave him a nod and a small, sad smile. “Thank you for saying that. I know it doesn’t come easily for you.”

“No kidding. I expect a medal,” Lucifer said.

Sam’s smile was a little less sad, now. “I’ll get it custom engraved.”

“As well you should!” Lucifer said loftily. “So, what now? You want me to drive? Get you a glass of warm milk, or go ask big brother to be your teddy bear for the night?”

Sam laughed quietly. “Thanks, but I think I’ll be okay.” He lay down and shut his eyes. Sam thought he sensed Lucifer still sitting on his bed and watching over him until he fell asleep, but he wasn’t certain. He decided, the next morning, that it would be better not to ask.

***

Meta Fiction

As Sam walked to his room to pack for Ogden, Lucifer walked beside him, frowning.

“Why were you so surprised to hear that Gadreel is working for Metatron?” he asked.

“Because I didn’t know,” Sam replied, puzzled.

“Oh. Whoops.” Lucifer cringed.

Sam, who had reached his room, froze. “Wait. Did you know that?”

“Did you…not?” Lucifer attempted to look innocent. It was not his strong suit.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sam demanded.

Lucifer threw up his hands. “I don’t know! I was probably going to when you first kicked him out, but then you were all bitchy and pissed at me.”

“You still should have told me!”

“I FORGOT YOU DIDN’T KNOW.” Lucifer huffed. “Am I getting the silent treatment again?”

Sam shut his eyes and took a breath. “No,” he said finally. “I don’t want to go back to that. Just…try to remember that I need to know these things, okay?”

“I’ll make a note.” A pad and pencil appeared in Lucifer’s hand, and he began scribbling on it with an intensely earnest expression. Sam rolled his eyes, smiling slightly.

***

 “Hey, douchebag,” Dean said, dropping his Zippo and lighting up the holy oil around Gadreel.

“REMEMBER ME?” Sam said furiously.

Lucifer laughed hysterically. “He was inside you for months, Sam,” he said aloud. “I think he remembers you.”

“Dude, Lucifer,” Dean said, clattering down the fire escape. “Not really the time.”

Ignoring Dean, Lucifer used Sam’s body to step them closer to Gadreel. He glared at him. “Got you now, asshole.”

Gadreel stared back at him defiantly. “Do you think that I am afraid of you?” he said. “You are the sad, lonely hallucination of a sad, lonely man.”

“Fuck you,” Lucifer snapped.

“Sam, can you reign him in?” Dean said, pulling out the angel handcuffs.

“He has a right to say his piece,” Sam said. “Gadreel betrayed him, too.”

“Did you ever think, pretend Lucifer, that you let me live with you for so long before you tried to tell Sam about me because you were simply that desperate for a friend?” Gadreel said.

Dean glanced at Sam’s face, which was tight with anger – Lucifer’s anger, not Sam’s; Dean knew Sam’s angry face, and that wasn’t it.

“Shut the fuck up, assclown,” Dean said to Gadreel, reaching across the holy fire to snap the cuffs on Gadreel’s wrists. “He’s not pretend, and he has friends.”

He looked at Sam, who looked like Sam again.

“Where’d he go?” Dean asked.

“He’s still here,” Sam said. “He just stopped driving. You surprised him.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Not even a ‘thank you.’ Well, what do I expect from Satan?” He poured some water on the holy oil and grabbed Gadreel’s arm. “Let’s go, fuckface.”

“Thanks,” Lucifer said, though only Sam could hear it.

***

“Look, you find Heaven, you drop a dime,” Dean said to Castiel. “Meantime, I’ve got a Knight to kill.”

He stomped to the car.

“Be safe out there,” Sam said.

“You too,” Castiel replied.

Sam started to turn towards the car.

“Hey Sam,” Castiel said. Sam turned back to him. “You keep an eye on him.”

Sam nodded.

“He won’t be the only one,” Lucifer said, aloud.

Castiel looked surprised for a moment, then nodded slowly. “Good. I’m glad to have you on our side…” He hesitated. “Brother.”

Sam got in the car. Lucifer appeared in the back.

“That was nice, right?” Sam said, so only Lucifer could hear. “He trusts you.”

“Sure.” Lucifer was frowning.

“What’s wrong?”

Lucifer pursed his lips. “Well, not to get us in another couple’s spat, but…speaking of people not telling people things. Pot and kettle, much?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Dean has the Mark of Cain now?”

“Oh.” Sam blinked. “I forgot you weren’t hanging around much when I found out. And I don’t always know what you do or don’t see.”

Lucifer’s frown deepened.

“Do you know something about the Mark?” Sam asked.

Lucifer didn’t answer right away. “I think I used to,” he said. “You know my memories of the other Lucifer’s life can be kinda spotty.” He looked out the window. “I know I don’t like that Dean has it.”

“None of us likes that,” Sam pointed out.

“Yeah, sure.”

Sam waited another moment, then shrugged. “Well, if you remember something, let us know, I guess.”

“Yeah.” Lucifer sounded distracted. “Later.” He vanished, and Sam looked at Dean, feeling a little more worried.

***

King of the Damned

“Sam,” Castiel said, as Sam was about to leave his office. “Do you have a moment?”

“Yeah.” Sam turned back to him. “What?”

“I wanted to ask you about Gadreel. The time he possessed you.”

“It’s not really something I like to –”

“Sam. Please.”

“We don’t talk about that dickbag,” Lucifer said aloud.

“No,” Sam said, resigned. “It’s okay. Um…Gadreel didn’t possess me completely. More like we shared housing. I was still me.”

“We were all roommates,” Lucifer put in, cheerfully. “It was like Three’s Company, except Sam was kind of more like Mr. Roper because he was being tricked – ”

“Did you ever sense a presence?” Castiel interrupted.

“Rude,” Lucifer huffed.

“I don’t really know what I felt,” Sam said. “I mean, maybe that I wasn’t completely alone.”

“Excuse me!” Lucifer said, indignantly.

“Besides you, obviously,” Sam said. “I felt like there was something there besides us.”

“Did you ever feel threatened?” Castiel asked.

“No,” Sam replied. “More that he…wasn’t at rest. Like he had unfinished business. Now that we know more about him, I'd say he felt misunderstood.”

“But not a danger,” Castiel said. “Not hostile.”

“No.”

“What about you, Lucifer?” Castiel asked.

Lucifer looked surprised. “What about me?”

“What did you experience, with Gadreel? Did you ever speak to him?”

“They were friends,” Sam said. “Lucifer made a room for him and everything.”

“Shut up, Sam,” Lucifer said.

“Were you?” Castiel asked. “Friends?”

Lucifer gave a long-suffering sigh. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Did you get the sense that he was malicious?”

“Well, he tried to kill me when he first arrived, but that was perfectly understandable, given our history. I didn’t hold it against him. After that…” Lucifer shrugged. “No. He was just kind of pathetic. Really hung up on the whole – ” He flapped a hand dismissively. “Garden fiasco. And the, you know, countless centuries of imprisonment and torture.”

“We were wrong about him, obviously,” Sam said. “He killed Kevin.”

“Do you think you were wrong, too, Lucifer?” Castiel asked.

“Of course he does,” Sam replied. His posture shifted slightly as Lucifer took over driving again. He looked pensive. After a moment, he shrugged.

“I guess,” he said. “But I kinda understand being that desperate to never go back to prison.”

***

Stairway to Heaven/Do You Believe In Miracles?

“The Blade’s the only thing that can kill Metatron, and I am the only one who can use it,” Dean said. “So from here on out, I'm calling the shots. Capisce?” Sam glared at him. “Look, until I jam that blade through that douchebag's heart, we are not a team. This is a dictatorship. Now, you don't have to like it, but that's how it's going to be.”

He turned away, and Sam stomped off angrily to put his duffel bag in his room.

“I don’t like this,” he said to Lucifer, throwing the bag on the bed.

“Really? He’s so charming this way,” Lucifer replied drily.

“Something’s wrong with him. The Mark is doing something to him.” Sam looked at Lucifer. “Did you remember anything about it? Anything that could help us?”

Lucifer shook his head slowly. “No,” he said. “And I’ve been trying. It’s infuriating, you know? Like it’s on the tip of my brain.” He pursed his lips, brow furrowed. “I feel like there’s…something…about Cain. He wasn’t always a demon, you know.”

“Yeah, of course,” Sam said. “He was human, and then he became a demon and the other Lucifer gave him the Mark.”

“Yeah…”

Sam waited for a moment, but Lucifer just shook his head again.

“Thanks for trying, anyway,” Sam said. He headed back towards the library – and saw Gadreel at the bottom of the stairs. Panic flooded him.

“GUYS!” he shouted. Dean and Cas jumped up from the table. Sam kept his back to the wall, fighting down his fear.

Gadreel held up his hands. “I’m not here to fight,” he said.

“You’re on your home turf, we outnumber him, he can’t do anything to you,” Lucifer said to Sam. Sam’s hands clenched into fists. “Breathe, you idiot!” Sam forced himself to take a slow breath.

Gadreel looked at Castiel. “I thought about what you said. You’re right. Metatron, he’s…Something needs to be done.”

“And we should trust you, why?” Sam demanded.

“Because I can give him to you,” Gadreel said.

“Worst present ever,” Lucifer said, aloud. “Make sure you include a gift receipt.”

“I know where Metatron is,” Gadreel insisted. “I know everything. I know the bombers. They were his agents, not yours. You don't trust me, fine, I understand. I've...made mistakes.”

“That’s putting it mildly,” Lucifer said.

“But haven't you?” Gadreel asked.

“Not that I recall.”

“Haven't we all?” Gadreel looked around. “At least give me a chance!”

“Do it,” Lucifer said, so only Sam could hear. “I think he’s legit.”

“Yeah,” Sam replied. “Me, too.”

Dean and Sam exchanged a look, Sam telegraphing his approval. Dean stepped forward and extended his hand to Gadreel, but as soon as Gadreel took it, Dean pulled the First Blade out of his jacket and slashed Gadreel across the chest with it.

“Jesus FUCKING Christ!” Lucifer said aloud, as Sam and Castiel sprung forward to restrain Dean. Gadreel collapsed on the floor, bleeding profusely, as Sam and Castiel managed to wrestle the Blade away from Dean and wrangle him into the dungeon.

“Sam. Sammy!” Dean called, as they shut the doors behind him. “Lucifer! You know I’m right! You need me!”

Lucifer grimaced, but he didn’t try to answer Dean.

“Sam,” Castiel said, as Sam put the Blade away.

“Yeah?”

“Dean...wasn't wrong. My followers have abandoned us.”

“Yeah, and Gadreel says he can help us. From where I sit, that's more than an even trade.”

They looked over to where they’d left Gadreel, but there was only a pool of blood.

“UGH,” Lucifer said aloud. “Castiel, why is our family THE WORST?”

“I don’t know,” Castiel replied.

“Come on,” Sam said, heading up the stairs. “We have to find him.”

***

They tracked Gadreel to a field, where he lay bleeding. He tried to crawl away when he saw them, eyes wide with fear.

“Please,” he begged. “I’ll leave you alone, I swear.”

Lucifer didn’t react visibly, but Sam could feel his pain at Gadreel’s words, strong enough to overcome their usual boundaries.

“You still care about him,” Sam said.

“No one needs you to narrate, Sam,” Lucifer replied, eyes still fixed on Gadreel.

“We’re not here to hurt you,” Castiel told Gadreel. He reached out.

“No. Your grace,” Gadreel said. “Healing me will only weaken you.”

“Shut up and let him do it, stupid,” Lucifer said aloud, although Castiel was already healing Gadreel. “We need you.”

Gadreel glanced at him, face impossible to read, and then looked back at Castiel. “Did you hear him?”

“Metatron,” Castiel said. Sam and Lucifer exchanged confused looks. “Yes. Where is he going? What does he want?”

“I’m afraid…humanity,” Gadreel said. Castiel looked at Sam.

“Well that’s portentous,” Lucifer observed, aloud.

Gadreel looked at Lucifer again, face sorrowful. “Lucifer – brother. Sam. I…I’m sorry, for what I did, before. I lost my way. I know to say so is woefully insufficient, but…I am sorry, anyway.”

They gave a short nod, and Castiel rose and helped Gadreel to his feet.

***

“I believe Metatron has found a way to tap into the Angel tablet,” Gadreel was saying, back at the bunker. “Harnessing its power, to give him powers equivalent to – “

“God, right?” Sam said. “I mean, that's what this is all about, isn't it? Metatron wants to be God.”

Gadreel nodded. Lucifer took over driving to laugh hysterically.

“That’s still the funniest thing I’ve ever heard,” he said.

“It’s not funny,” Sam said. “That basically makes him unstoppable.” Lucifer snorted derisively.

“Not if we can break the connection between Metatron and the tablet,” Castiel said. “That would make him just an ordinary angel. Where's the tablet?”

“Metatron's office,” Gadreel said.

“In heaven?” Sam asked.

“I can get us to the door.”

“And then what?” Sam demanded. “I mean, why would they let you in? If Metatron's number two shows up with heaven's most wanted, the jig is up.”

“Sam, we have to try,” Castiel said.

“Great,” Lucifer said sardonically. “It was nice knowing you, brothers.”

“You know we’re right,” Gadreel said.

Lucifer grimaced. “Yeah, we’re pretty much out of other options.”

Sam huffed in annoyance and sat back in his chair. “Then I guess I’m outvoted.” He rubbed his temples. “Okay. Fine. We’ll work on finding Metatron.”

“Because wherever he is, that’s where Dean is going to be,” Lucifer muttered, so only Sam could hear.

“What else do you expect me to do?” Sam asked angrily.

“NOTHING,” Lucifer shot back. “Obviously, I want to find him, too.”

***

Hours later, after they had found Dean and gone to the homeless encampment where Metatron was hanging out, Sam woke up slowly, from what felt like very far away, to Lucifer’s shouts.

“Sam. SAM! Damn it, moose, I know you have decades of head trauma, but you need to WAKE UP.”

Sam seemed to come to himself suddenly and sat bolt upright, gasping. He was on the ground next to the Impala.

“What happened?” he asked.

“Your darling brother sucker-punched you. My Dad, you lose consciousness easily…Anyway, then he went off after Metatron.”

“Why didn’t you wake me up?” Sam looked around, trying to orient himself.

Lucifer looked furious. “What do you think I’ve been trying to do for the last ten minutes?”

“You don’t get knocked out when I do!” Sam yelled at him. “Why didn’t you take over driving and go after him?”

“Just because I don’t take naps in the middle of the road like you do doesn’t mean I can operate your gross body when it’s out of commission! That time I talked to your brother when you were passed out, there was an angel powering your idiot ass, and remember how mad you were about THAT?!” Lucifer shouted back, as Sam jumped to his feet.

Fucksorryright, Sam mumbled, more emotion than words, as he took off running in the direction of the encampment, Lucifer keeping pace with him.

***

Sam lay Dean’s body gently down on his bed. He stood staring at him, still unable to take it in. He’d seen his brother die hundreds of times, and it never once got even a little bit easier.

“Sam,” Lucifer said, quietly.

Tears welled up in Sam’s eyes. He turned and stalked out of the room and to the library, where he poured himself a generous tumbler of whiskey, downing it quickly.

“Sam, you’re drinking that like it’s water,” Lucifer said.

“I don’t care,” Sam replied. It was the first thing he’d said since Dean died in his arms, and Lucifer exhaled with mild relief.

“Yeah, I guess you’re entitled,” he said. Sam poured himself another glass, sipping it a little more slowly.

“Sam,” Lucifer said, after a moment. “I’m…”

“Don’t say it,” Sam interrupted him. “Don’t say you’re sorry.”

“Hey, I’m expressing actual sympathy here,” Lucifer said. “This is a big moment for me.”

“This isn’t over,” Sam said fiercely. “I’m not going to be like – ” He swallowed, fighting back tears. “Like I was when he was in Purgatory. I’m not giving up on him. Never again.”

“Oh, boy, here we go,” Lucifer muttered. “Okay. What’s the plan?”

Instead of answering, Sam sucked down the rest of the alcohol and rose, walking to the dungeon, where the ingredients of Dean’s summoning spell were still on the floor.

“Damn it, Crowley,” Sam said aloud. “You got him into this mess. You will get him out, or so help me, God…” He struck a match.

“Oh, no,” Lucifer said. “You are NOT selling your soul for him. Didn’t you two learn about the perils of that shit a decade ago?!”

Sam ignored him as he performed the spell, then sat back on his heels and waited.

Nothing happened.

“Damn it!” he shouted, and did the ritual again, and then again.

After half an hour of nothing, he stood up and headed back to the library.

“You’ve come to your senses,” Lucifer said. “This is good.”

“I’ll try again later,” Sam said. Lucifer made a face.

Sam sat down in an armchair with another glass of whiskey. Just as he was settling in, his cell phone buzzed. He looked at it and then answered immediately.

“Cas,” he said.

“I have good news,” Castiel said. “We have captured Metatron. But – ”

“Cas,” Sam interrupted, voice thick with tears. “Dean is dead.”

Castiel was silent for a beat. “No…” he said, finally. “Metatron said so, but, I thought – I hoped – that he was lying…”

Sam let out a strangled sob and Lucifer took over driving, letting Sam collapse on the couch in the cabin.

“Hey, little brother,” Lucifer said, his voice careful and controlled.

“Lucifer,” Castiel said. “Please tell Sam I’m…I’m sorry.”

“He can hear you,” Lucifer said.

“Good.” Castiel sighed. “I have more bad news, I’m afraid.”

“Lay it on me,” Lucifer said, with false enthusiasm.

“Gadreel is dead. He sacrificed himself. It was…very noble.”

Lucifer closed his eyes, letting Sam’s head fall back against the chair. “Oh,” he said dully. “Great. I guess that’s how he would have wanted to go out.”

“Yes. I suppose so.”

“Well, I’ll let you go,” Lucifer said. “I’m sure Sam will have more to say to you later, but he’s kind of out of commission at the moment.”

“Yes,” Castiel said. “I expect so. I will talk to you both later, then.”

He hung up, and Lucifer joined Sam in the cabin. Sam was lying on the couch, staring at the ceiling. Lucifer plopped down in an armchair.

“I’m sorry about Gadreel,” Sam said. He looked at Lucifer. “I know he was your friend.”

“Yeah, well,” Lucifer said morosely. “I’m losing friends left and right today.” His voice quavered on the last word, and he cleared his throat.

For a couple minutes, neither of them said anything. And then, out of the dead silence of the bunker, there was a soft sound, coming from the barracks.

Sam and Lucifer looked at each other and Sam opened his body’s eyes, jumping out of the chair and bolting down the hall.

When he got to Dean’s room, it was empty, and Dean’s body was gone.

“What – ” Sam gasped, feeling cold with shock. Lucifer pointed at Dean’s pillow.

“What the fuck is that?”

There was a piece of paper resting on the pillow. Sam snatched it up with trembling fingers.

Sammy let me go, it said, in Dean’s handwriting. Sam stared at it, open-mouthed.

Lucifer peered over his shoulder. “Huh,” he said. “I mean…we’re not going to do that, are we?”

Sam shook his head wildly. “No,” he said. “Of course not. I’m going to find him. Whatever it takes.”

“No,” Lucifer said. Sam’s head snapped in his direction, but his angry words died on his tongue at Lucifer’s determined expression. “We are going to find him. And, lucky for you, I know even more than you do about ‘whatever it takes.’”