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Gendry Waters to roomies: we’re out of milk
Theon Greyjoy: oh damn
Jon Snow: we wouldn’t be if SOMEONE wasn’t addicted to cereal
Robb Stark: wow stop exposing me
Sansa Stark: whose turn is it to buy?
Jon Snow: gendry’s
Gendry Waters: fuck no i went to buy more toilet paper last week. it’s your turn jon
Jon Snow: …
Jon Snow: it might be mine
Theon Greyjoy: no shit sherlock
Robb Stark to Theon Greyjoy: theon i swear to the gods
Robb Stark: mrs mordane just did that thing
Theon Greyjoy: not this again
Theon Grejoy: mrs mordane is a mean old lady who is NOT flirting with you
Robb Stark: she is!
Robb Stark: today, when i went to help her with her groceries, she called me handsome and winked
Robb Stark: SHE FUCKING WINKED
Theon Greyjoy: im not drunk enough for this
Sansa Stark changed this group’s name from roomies to days until rent: 7
Theon Greyjoy to Sansa Stark: waht did you do?
Theon Greyjoy: what*
Sansa Stark: please tell me what you think i did
Theon Greyjoy: you moved all of the bathrooms stuff around
Theon Greyjoy: i cant find anything
Theon Greyjoy: and theres this awful feminine smell lingering around
Sansa Stark: i organized the bathroom!
Sansa Stark: and that smell is english lavender which I FIND PLEASING
Theon Greyjoy: this is a declaration of war
Robb Stark to Gendry Waters: the toaster is broken
Gendry Waters: why are you telling me this?
Robb Stark: you fix stuff for a living
Gendry Waters: gods
Gendry Waters: im a mechanic
Gendry Waters: I FIX CARS
Theon Greyjoy to Jon Snow: why the fuck
Theon Greyjoy: i hate you
Theon Greyjoy: traitor
Jon Snow: context pls
Theon Greyjoy: ever since your girlfriend move in with us
Theon Greyjoy: she has been spreading her grasp around the apartment and taking over everything
Jon Snow: sansa has been living with us for four months
Jon Snow: why are you only talking about this with me now?
Theon Greyjoy: this is a war, snow
Theon Greyjoy: pick a side
Jon Snow: lemme see
Jon Snow: woman who doesn’t judge my weird kink and is into it vs man who closed his door when i puked in the corridor
Theon Greyjoy: I DIDN’T WANT YOU TO PUKE IN MY BEDROOM
Jon Snow: it’s not a hard decision, theon
Theon Greyjoy: i will remember this
Sansa Stark to Robb Stark: robb
Sansa Stark: robbie
Sansa Stark: robert
Robb Stark: that’s not my name
Robb Stark: what do you want?
Sansa Stark: why do you think i want something?
Sansa Stark: cant i just want some quality time with my brother?
Robb Stark: why cant i believe that?
Robb Stark: maybe our shared history is the reason
Robb Stark: just tell me what you want and ill think about it
Sansa Stark: i need you on my side on this war with theon
Sansa Stark: i already have jon so that leaves him with only gendry
Robb Stark: can’t
Sansa Stark: why not?????
Robb Stark: theon already asked me to be on his team
Sansa Stark: aND YOU SAID YES?
Robb Stark: well yeah
Sansa Stark: why?
Robb Stark: cause hes my best friend and i love him?
Sansa Stark: i’m your sister!
Robb Stark: and?
Sansa Stark: your own flesh and blood!
Robb Stark: well my own flesh and blood failed to ask me first!
Sansa Stark: bitch
Robb Stark to Theon Greyjoy: is there an hr to this building so i can complain about mrs mordane?
Theon Greyjoy: omg go to sleep
Theon Greyjoy to Gendry Waters: gendry
Gendry Waters: no
Theon Greyjoy: you dont even know what i was going to say!
Gendry Waters: you’re going to ask me to be on your team in this feud with sansa
Theon Greyjoy: well shit
Gendry Waters: my answer is no
Theon Greyjoy: are you on sansa’s side?
Gendry Waters: nah i told her no too
Theon Greyjoy: waht?
Theon Greyjoy: why?
Gendry Waters: im neutral in this war
Gendry Waters: gendry waters is switzerland
Sansa Stark left this group.
Theon Greyjoy left this group.
Gendry Waters to days until rent: 3: oh shit
Jon Snow left this group.
Robb Stark left this group.
Sansa Stark to Gendry Waters: gendry
Sansa Stark: if you enter my team in secret and act as my spy
Gendry Waters: i won’t
Sansa Stark: let me finish
Gendry Waters: there’s nothing you can say that will make me be on your team
Sansa Stark: jon and i will put in a good word for you with arya
Gendry Waters: …
Gendry Waters: keep talking
Sansa Stark to Theon Greyjoy: WHERE THE FUCK IS MY MAKE UP?
Theon Greyjoy: i dont know what you are talking about
Sansa Stark: 2K WORTH OF MAKE UP GONE IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE
Sansa Stark: AND YOU DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT IT?
Theon Greyjoy: wow 2k worth of make up?
Theon Greyjoy: have you ever thought about seeing a therapist for your problem?
Sansa Stark: you dont wanna go there, theon balon greyjoy
Theon Greyjoy: that’s not my middle name
Sansa Stark: you have until tomorrow to give me back my make up
Sansa Stark: or you will regret the day that you were born
Theon Greyjoy: joke’s on you
Theon Greyjoy: i already regret it
Jon Snow to Sansa Stark: hey baby
Jon Snow: wanna watch a movie today?
Jon Snow: incredibles 2 seems nice
Sansa Stark: i don’t wanna go outside anymore
Jon Snow: why not?
Sansa Stark: when i went to work today, everyone asked me if i was sick or tired
Sansa Stark: theon is mean
Jon Snow: i know baby
Jon Snow: we’re going to make him regret it
Sansa Stark: we will
Robb Stark to Theon Greyjoy: where the hell are you? your stuff is all gone
Theon Greyjoy: asha agreed to house me for a few days
Theon Greyjoy: im scared of sansa’s next move
Robb Stark: but i miss you :(
Theon Greyjoy: you will survive without me while i plan my next attack
Robb Stark: i hate you
Robb Stark: why cant we just stop this?
Robb Stark: its ridiculous
Theon Greyjoy: its called honor, robert
Robb Stark: that’s not my name
Theon Greyjoy: sansa needs to know that our apartment is a BOYS apartment
Theon Greyjoy: she can’t just change it to fit her needs
Robb Stark: i like living with her
Robb Stark: our fridge has actual food for once
Robb Stark: everything is clean and smells so nice
Robb Stark: we havent spent any days without water or light because she reminds everyone to pay the bills
Theon Greyjoy: it doesnt matter
Theon Greyjoy: snow shouldnt have invited her to live with us
Robb Stark: she was getting evicted!
Theon Greyjoy: SHE HAS A TRUST FUND
Robb Stark: WHICH SHE CAN’T TOUCH BEFORE SHE IS 25
Margaery Tyrell to Sansa Stark: ive got the paint
Sansa Stark: nice
Sansa Stark: how much do i owe you?
Margaery Tyrell: nothing
Margaery Tyrell: ruining theon greyjoy’s favorite thing is priceless
Theon Greyjoy to Sansa Stark: what did you to my car?
Sansa Stark: i don’t know what you’re talking about
Sansa Stark: i thought pink would be very appropriate
Sansa Stark: and hello kitty ears
Sansa Stark: don’t you agree?
Theon Greyjoy: waht the fuck
Theon Greyjoy: why?
Sansa Stark: this is war
Theon Greyjoy: you dont scare me sansa stark
Theon Greyjoy: i’ve worked in retail for three years
Theon Greyjoy: i fear nothing
Theon Greyjoy to Jon Snow: i need safe passage to the apartment
Jon Snow: why do you think i can give that you?
Theon Greyjoy: ill pay you
Jon Snow: you’re as broke as i am
Theon Greyjoy: cmon snow
Theon Greyjoy: your little girlfriend already ruined my car
Theon Greyjoy: just let me come home and have one day of peace
Jon Snow: ugh
Jon Snow: fine
Jon Snow: sansa is working the night shift today
Theon Greyjoy: thanks
Theon Greyjoy: i owe you one
Jon Snow: no worries
Theon Greyjoy: quick question
Theon Greyjoy: gendry is a spy against me for sansa, right?
Jon Snow: oh yeah definitely
Robb Stark to Theon Greyjoy: hey
Theon Greyjoy: hey
Robb Stark: what are you doing?
Theon Greyjoy: nothing much
Theon Greyjoy: in a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your sister’s hate for mustard yellow?
Robb Stark: ten. why?
Theon Greyjoy: just curious
Robb Stark: what are you doing?
Theon Greyjoy: you will find out
Jon Snow to Sansa Stark: dont come home
Sansa Stark: why?
Sansa Stark: what happened?
Jon Snow: i trusted theon
Sansa Stark: jon we talked about this
Sansa Stark: dont trust the enemy!
Sansa Stark: now go out there and do a counter attack
Sansa Stark: sex tonight depends on what you did
Jon Snow: now i got a motivation
Jon Snow to Robb Stark: im sorry
Jon Snow: like really sorry
Jon Snow: please forgive me
Robb Stark: i thought your mother taught you how to knock
Jon Snow: how was i supposed to know that you two would be having sex?!
Robb Stark: theon is not exactly the most quiet person
Jon Snow: i thought he was masturbating
Robb Stark: did you delete the picture?
Jon Snow: hell yeah
Robb Stark: good
Jon Snow: so…
Jon Snow: how long has this been going on?
Robb Stark: little over two months
Jon Snow: why didn’t you tell me?
Robb Stark: it’s pretty new
Robb Stark: plus theon is trying to find ways to tell his family
Jon Snow: difficult huh?
Robb Stark: yeah
Robb Stark: i hope this is a way to end this stupid fight
Jon Snow: i kind of had fun with it
Jon Snow: except tonight
Jon Snow: tonight was a nightmare
Sansa Stark to Theon Greyjoy: roses are red. violets aren’t blue. robb is a top and the bottom is you.
Theon Greyjoy: how much thinking did you put into this?
Sansa Stark: more than i am proud of
Gendry Waters added Sansa Stark to this group.
Gendry Waters added Robb Stark to this group.
Gendry Waters added Jon Snow to this group.
Gendry Waters added Theon Greyjoy to this group.
Arya Stark to Gendry Waters: hey i heard you’re the fifth wheel in the apartment
Gendry Waters: yeah :/
Arya Stark: wanna fix that?
