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apartment 278

Summary:

A war is declared on apartment 278.

Work Text:

Gendry Waters to roomies: we’re out of milk

Theon Greyjoy: oh damn

Jon Snow: we wouldn’t be if SOMEONE wasn’t addicted to cereal

Robb Stark: wow stop exposing me

Sansa Stark: whose turn is it to buy?

Jon Snow: gendry’s

Gendry Waters: fuck no i went to buy more toilet paper last week. it’s your turn jon

Jon Snow: …

Jon Snow: it might be mine

Theon Greyjoy: no shit sherlock


Robb Stark to Theon Greyjoy: theon i swear to the gods

Robb Stark: mrs mordane just did that thing

Theon Greyjoy: not this again

Theon Grejoy: mrs mordane is a mean old lady who is NOT flirting with you

Robb Stark: she is!

Robb Stark: today, when i went to help her with her groceries, she called me handsome and winked

Robb Stark: SHE FUCKING WINKED

Theon Greyjoy: im not drunk enough for this


Sansa Stark changed this group’s name from roomies to days until rent: 7


Theon Greyjoy to Sansa Stark: waht did you do?

Theon Greyjoy: what*

Sansa Stark: please tell me what you think i did

Theon Greyjoy: you moved all of the bathrooms stuff around

Theon Greyjoy: i cant find anything

Theon Greyjoy: and theres this awful feminine smell lingering around

Sansa Stark: i organized the bathroom!

Sansa Stark: and that smell is english lavender which I FIND PLEASING

Theon Greyjoy: this is a declaration of war


Robb Stark to Gendry Waters: the toaster is broken

Gendry Waters: why are you telling me this?

Robb Stark: you fix stuff for a living

Gendry Waters: gods

Gendry Waters: im a mechanic

Gendry Waters: I FIX CARS


Theon Greyjoy to Jon Snow: why the fuck

Theon Greyjoy: i hate you

Theon Greyjoy: traitor

Jon Snow: context pls

Theon Greyjoy: ever since your girlfriend move in with us

Theon Greyjoy: she has been spreading her grasp around the apartment and taking over everything

Jon Snow: sansa has been living with us for four months

Jon Snow: why are you only talking about this with me now?

Theon Greyjoy: this is a war, snow

Theon Greyjoy: pick a side

Jon Snow: lemme see

Jon Snow: woman who doesn’t judge my weird kink and is into it vs man who closed his door when i puked in the corridor

Theon Greyjoy: I DIDN’T WANT YOU TO PUKE IN MY BEDROOM

Jon Snow: it’s not a hard decision, theon

Theon Greyjoy: i will remember this


Sansa Stark to Robb Stark: robb

Sansa Stark: robbie

Sansa Stark: robert

Robb Stark: that’s not my name

Robb Stark: what do you want?

Sansa Stark: why do you think i want something?

Sansa Stark: cant i just want some quality time with my brother?

Robb Stark: why cant i believe that?

Robb Stark: maybe our shared history is the reason

Robb Stark: just tell me what you want and ill think about it

Sansa Stark: i need you on my side on this war with theon

Sansa Stark: i already have jon so that leaves him with only gendry

Robb Stark: can’t

Sansa Stark: why not?????

Robb Stark: theon already asked me to be on his team

Sansa Stark: aND YOU SAID YES?

Robb Stark: well yeah

Sansa Stark: why?

Robb Stark: cause hes my best friend and i love him?

Sansa Stark: i’m your sister!

Robb Stark: and?

Sansa Stark: your own flesh and blood!

Robb Stark: well my own flesh and blood failed to ask me first!

Sansa Stark: bitch


Robb Stark to Theon Greyjoy: is there an hr to this building so i can complain about mrs mordane?

Theon Greyjoy: omg go to sleep


Theon Greyjoy to Gendry Waters: gendry

Gendry Waters: no

Theon Greyjoy: you dont even know what i was going to say!

Gendry Waters: you’re going to ask me to be on your team in this feud with sansa

Theon Greyjoy: well shit

Gendry Waters: my answer is no

Theon Greyjoy: are you on sansa’s side?

Gendry Waters: nah i told her no too

Theon Greyjoy: waht?

Theon Greyjoy: why?

Gendry Waters: im neutral in this war

Gendry Waters: gendry waters is switzerland


Sansa Stark left this group.

Theon Greyjoy left this group.

Gendry Waters to days until rent: 3: oh shit

Jon Snow left this group.

Robb Stark left this group.


Sansa Stark to Gendry Waters: gendry

Sansa Stark: if you enter my team in secret and act as my spy

Gendry Waters: i won’t

Sansa Stark: let me finish

Gendry Waters: there’s nothing you can say that will make me be on your team

Sansa Stark: jon and i will put in a good word for you with arya

Gendry Waters: …

Gendry Waters: keep talking


Sansa Stark to Theon Greyjoy: WHERE THE FUCK IS MY MAKE UP?

Theon Greyjoy: i dont know what you are talking about

Sansa Stark: 2K WORTH OF MAKE UP GONE IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE

Sansa Stark: AND YOU DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT IT?

Theon Greyjoy: wow 2k worth of make up?

Theon Greyjoy: have you ever thought about seeing a therapist for your problem?

Sansa Stark: you dont wanna go there, theon balon greyjoy

Theon Greyjoy: that’s not my middle name

Sansa Stark: you have until tomorrow to give me back my make up

Sansa Stark: or you will regret the day that you were born

Theon Greyjoy: joke’s on you

Theon Greyjoy: i already regret it


Jon Snow to Sansa Stark: hey baby

Jon Snow: wanna watch a movie today?

Jon Snow: incredibles 2 seems nice

Sansa Stark: i don’t wanna go outside anymore

Jon Snow: why not?

Sansa Stark: when i went to work today, everyone asked me if i was sick or tired

Sansa Stark: theon is mean

Jon Snow: i know baby

Jon Snow: we’re going to make him regret it

Sansa Stark: we will


Robb Stark to Theon Greyjoy: where the hell are you? your stuff is all gone

Theon Greyjoy: asha agreed to house me for a few days

Theon Greyjoy: im scared of sansa’s next move

Robb Stark: but i miss you :(

Theon Greyjoy: you will survive without me while i plan my next attack

Robb Stark: i hate you

Robb Stark: why cant we just stop this?

Robb Stark: its ridiculous

Theon Greyjoy: its called honor, robert

Robb Stark: that’s not my name

Theon Greyjoy: sansa needs to know that our apartment is a BOYS apartment

Theon Greyjoy: she can’t just change it to fit her needs

Robb Stark: i like living with her

Robb Stark: our fridge has actual food for once

Robb Stark: everything is clean and smells so nice

Robb Stark: we havent spent any days without water or light because she reminds everyone to pay the bills

Theon Greyjoy: it doesnt matter

Theon Greyjoy: snow shouldnt have invited her to live with us

Robb Stark: she was getting evicted!

Theon Greyjoy: SHE HAS A TRUST FUND

Robb Stark: WHICH SHE CAN’T TOUCH BEFORE SHE IS 25


Margaery Tyrell to Sansa Stark: ive got the paint

Sansa Stark: nice

Sansa Stark: how much do i owe you?

Margaery Tyrell: nothing

Margaery Tyrell: ruining theon greyjoy’s favorite thing is priceless


Theon Greyjoy to Sansa Stark: what did you to my car?

Sansa Stark: i don’t know what you’re talking about

Sansa Stark: i thought pink would be very appropriate

Sansa Stark: and hello kitty ears

Sansa Stark: don’t you agree?

Theon Greyjoy: waht the fuck

Theon Greyjoy: why?

Sansa Stark: this is war

Theon Greyjoy: you dont scare me sansa stark

Theon Greyjoy: i’ve worked in retail for three years

Theon Greyjoy: i fear nothing


Theon Greyjoy to Jon Snow: i need safe passage to the apartment

Jon Snow: why do you think i can give that you?

Theon Greyjoy: ill pay you

Jon Snow: you’re as broke as i am

Theon Greyjoy: cmon snow

Theon Greyjoy: your little girlfriend already ruined my car

Theon Greyjoy: just let me come home and have one day of peace

Jon Snow: ugh

Jon Snow: fine

Jon Snow: sansa is working the night shift today

Theon Greyjoy: thanks

Theon Greyjoy: i owe you one

Jon Snow: no worries

Theon Greyjoy: quick question

Theon Greyjoy: gendry is a spy against me for sansa, right?

Jon Snow: oh yeah definitely


Robb Stark to Theon Greyjoy: hey

Theon Greyjoy: hey

Robb Stark: what are you doing?

Theon Greyjoy: nothing much

Theon Greyjoy: in a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your sister’s hate for mustard yellow?

Robb Stark: ten. why?

Theon Greyjoy: just curious

Robb Stark: what are you doing?

Theon Greyjoy: you will find out


Jon Snow to Sansa Stark: dont come home

Sansa Stark: why?

Sansa Stark: what happened?

Jon Snow: i trusted theon

Sansa Stark: jon we talked about this

Sansa Stark: dont trust the enemy!

Sansa Stark: now go out there and do a counter attack

Sansa Stark: sex tonight depends on what you did

Jon Snow: now i got a motivation


Jon Snow to Robb Stark: im sorry

Jon Snow: like really sorry

Jon Snow: please forgive me

Robb Stark: i thought your mother taught you how to knock

Jon Snow: how was i supposed to know that you two would be having sex?!

Robb Stark: theon is not exactly the most quiet person

Jon Snow: i thought he was masturbating

Robb Stark: did you delete the picture?

Jon Snow: hell yeah

Robb Stark: good

Jon Snow: so…

Jon Snow: how long has this been going on?

Robb Stark: little over two months

Jon Snow: why didn’t you tell me?

Robb Stark: it’s pretty new

Robb Stark: plus theon is trying to find ways to tell his family

Jon Snow: difficult huh?

Robb Stark: yeah

Robb Stark: i hope this is a way to end this stupid fight

Jon Snow: i kind of had fun with it

Jon Snow: except tonight

Jon Snow: tonight was a nightmare


Sansa Stark to Theon Greyjoy: roses are red. violets aren’t blue. robb is a top and the bottom is you.

Theon Greyjoy: how much thinking did you put into this?

Sansa Stark: more than i am proud of


Gendry Waters added Sansa Stark to this group.

Gendry Waters added Robb Stark to this group. 

Gendry Waters added Jon Snow to this group. 

Gendry Waters added Theon Greyjoy to this group. 


Arya Stark to Gendry Waters: hey i heard you’re the fifth wheel in the apartment

Gendry Waters: yeah :/

Arya Stark: wanna fix that?