Chapter Text
It has been 1 week since she came back from evil's clutches. It has been 1 week full of hell, self spite, and old memories. Every night when I finally go to bed, I relive through our memories that are filled with both of laughter and tears. When I wake up, I wake up with tears of regret and built up guilt for not saving her or preventing her abduction or preventing her from self destruction. So many negative thoughts continuously burn my insides. I feel powerless again and I'm back in the shoes of my 5 year old self filled with despair and isolation without his mother. Blaming himself for what had happened to his mother and his heart just feels broken. I thought I had changed for the better and got stronger with the bonds of people I care about, but deep inside I'm still that little kid crying when things go wrong. It's so frustrating of how I'm acting when she needs me the most, yet I'm here wallowing in my room hating life like an emo teenager. I know she would immediately be at my side if I was the one who got hurt. She'll be there with so much guilt and self hate but is strong enough to break out from it and help me. I keep telling myself this over and over again, but just seeing her like that just makes me run and hide away. *knock* *knock*
Whose trying to snap me out of my self-loathing? “Todoroki - kun, it’s me Midoriya. Look, let's talk. You have to come out, please. Everyone is worried about you and you've been ignoring our hero's agency messages. I mean, you’ve been ignoring everyone's calls and messages. Please open up... I know your upset and so is everyone else but it isn't your fault. So please...” Midoriya pleads. “Midoriya... I...” I don't know what to say is what I'm thinking but I can't say that now. “If you need help we can help you Todoroki-kun!” a familiar loud voice echoes in the hallway. “Yo shit head!! Stop being a loser and come out of your apartment or I will blast your door and drag your ass out!!” another familiar voice bellows throughout the hallways. My neighbors probably hate me now. “Lida-kun! Kacchan! You guys promised you won't say anything!” Midoriya exclaims. “I apologize Midoriya-kun, but I am worried for Todoroki-kun and his mental health, he is our friend” Lida replies. “He’s just being a wuss again and is being a dick to everyone else. I'm this close to whooping his ass” Bakugou snarls. “We didn't come here to be violent Kacchan and Lida I too am worried but we need to take baby steps” Midoriya sighs. If I wasn't in despair, I'll probably chuckle at this display of actions from my friends and open the door for them, but I just want to be alone. “Thanks guys, really, I mean it. But, I just need time for myself” I respond with a hint of sadness. “But Todoroki-kun, you haven't been out at all. At this point you'll just be hiding in your apartment. This isn't healthy at all” Midoriya explains. Before I reply, another voice filled with rage interrupts me. “Look Mr. Emo Freak, you aren't the only one suffering over her. How the hell do you think we feel, or how I feel!! We all here are trying our best to keep on going and at least visit her because right now when she needs it the most! Everyday I see her, the first thing I do is blame myself for what has happened to her. She didn't deserve this shitty coma, but I have to try to be strong for at least her. Come out and see her, cause that's what she would want. At least do it for her...” the voice croaked and broke down to tears. “Jirou-kun....” Midoriya says. “Me staying here, would probably be better for her. It's my fault... All of this... If I can stay away when she recovers, maybe she'll do better without me..” I said like a loser. “Don’t be spouting out what’s best for her ya jerk. How can you be so moronic!? I'm sick of your whiny shit that I'm sounding like Bakugou. Go out and see her at least once, she needs your support. I know you care for her and think she hates ya now, but that isn't true. She still cares for you, very much. So come out and see her or I'll get Bakugou to blow up this door” Jirou persuades. “I’ll blow it up to smithereens!!!” Bakugou added. I don't want Bakugou to blow up my door, I like this door, and I don't want to disturb my neighbors anymore. But I am a wreck and a total disgrace. Would she still want to see a broken man with hope bleeding out of him? I can hear Midoriya and Lida trying to calm both Bakugou and Jirou but their patience is running thin. I can just hear myself sighing while shaking my head. “Can I at least shave first?” I whispered. A few seconds later, Jirou responds, “Can you?”. “She means, yes you can Todoroki-kun” Lida swiftly intervenes. I drag myself to the bathroom and clean my face up. I look like a middle aged man who’s having an identity crisis. My eye bags are swollen, my eyes matching perfectly to Mr. Aizawa’s exhausted eyes, my scratchy beard growing wildly, and my face looking pale as ever. I basically look like shit, I hope Yaomomo won't mind. She may not see me but there's that inkling hope that she'll wake up any moment now. That's what I want to believe but my subconscious thinks otherwise. After I clean up and put on proper attire or a plain black sweatshirt, a long navy blue woolen coat, with slim blue jeans, black converse, and a basic black and white cap, I finally opened my apartment door. Everyone is staring at me with opened eyes and I'm mildly uncomfortable with this. “Are we going to leave or should I just go back inside?” I try to joke. “Todoroki!” Lida and Midoriya cry as they jump towards me. I guess they really did miss me. “Took you long enough half and half” Bakugou snides with his arms folded against his chest. Jirou didn't say anything but she looks less angry, I think. After a while, she wipes her tears and says, “Let’s go and see Yaomomo. She's been waiting for you”. I just nod with dejection. As I lock my door and walk toward the elevator, my brain is scrambling in what to say to her. I really don't know what to say other than I'm sorry for being useless hero. I looked back to a few weeks ago, how could I have prevented this and your suffering?