Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

As much as he enjoyed it, Taako would have to frequently remind himself that there were good things about his job. Really, he liked a lot of stuff when it came to his job. He got mostly free range with the baking, as long as he kept their staples stocked. The customers liked it when he'd make more off the wall shit too, since it felt more exclusive or something he guessed. His co-workers ranged from tolerable to people he actually liked, and the good thing about having to open at fuck o’clock at a cafe was that there was plenty of coffee.

Really, it was a pretty great job for him. He was pretty thankful for it, and wouldn't want anything else. That didn’t mean he didn’t have things to nitpick and complain about though, hell no.

First of all, the fucking customers. Like, Taako was fully capable of turning his pretentious dick switch on at a moment’s notice, but these fuckers had it going 24/7 it seemed. Sure, they were a small coffee shop that sold fancy brews and finely crafted pastries, but good god.

Taako swore, every single one of his customers was writing a book about ‘you know, the meaning of it all’ and needed to tell him all about it. Could you get anymore stereotypical coming to a place like this when you were a person like that?

Gag him with a rusty cactus.

Except he couldn’t actually say that to any of the customers. At least none of the ones that weren’t being outright creeps, he had total call to kick someone out if they were actually being a nuisance. Unfortunately that didn't mean every person who annoyed the crap out of him. He kinda needed to keep this job, and the good parts did outweigh the bad. Not all of the customers were bad either. There were a handful Taako could think of that were actually pleasant, if given the time.

So besides the customers and sometimes being stuck with shitty hours, there was really only one other thing that bothered him. Oh fucking god did it bother him though.

He hated the goddamn radio station they had stuck on their speakers all the time every day.

It was all classical and ‘intellectual’ music to stimulate the mind and promote culture and all the bullshit. Of course the pretentious fucks that frequented the place loved it. Taako swore, he saw less people wearing headphones in this cafe than he did in any other coffee shop or Starbucks in existence.

So in that way, the choice of radio station was a success. Still, if Taako had to listen to the obviously fake as fuck British accent go on about one more instrumental piece he couldn’t distinguish from every other song on the channel, Taako was going to lose his mind. At least hire an actual English dude if you need the accent for the job that bad. Of course, it was a local channel, so kinda good luck finding that.

Still, there wasn’t much he could do about it. Lucretia owned the shop and she refused to let any of them change the channel. On some level, Taako could understand the unwillingness to give him control of the music. That didn't mean he had to like it though. Ren didn’t care enough about it to stage a mutiny with him. So mostly he tried to tune it out, along with the latest customer trying to tell him about how ‘existence is just empty , you know? I really feel like I managed to capture that here, maybe you could read it on your break?’

Or at least, he’d been trying to ignore it all until now. He only managed to hear the radio because it was pretty quiet in here during the morning. Still, he hadn’t been paying active attention at first, so he only caught the tail end of the spot between songs.

“-so call our number if you have a request, we’d love to get some of your submissions on the air here at RQ-RPS.”

Taako stopped where he was kneading dough for some croissants, listening to see if he’d say the number again. Frustratingly, it went to another bland song he couldn’t place. Like, Taako knew there was good instrumental and classical music, but that wasn't what they played. This all was as bland as elevator music, which half as much use.

Well, at least he had an idea of how to get a little bit of fun out of this though. He just had to suffer through actually paying attention until Accent McGee said their number again.

It was maybe two hours later when the radio host made a call for listener requests again. Taako stopped in the middle of taking an order to scribble the number down on an empty cup. The customer looked kinda irritated and confused, but Taako didn’t offer any sort of explanation. They could wait an extra three seconds for their coffee, if that.

When his break came along Taako sat out on the patio of the coffee shop. Luckily they had speakers running out here so he could still hear the radio station loud and clear. Usually it bothered him, not being able to escape it even when he went outside. Right now though, he was thankful.

Holding up the empty cup he’s written the number down on, Taako pulled out his cell phone and punched it in. He was left on hold for a bit as the song that was currently playing came to an end, and then he heard the click of his call being connected.

“Hello, this is Kravitz of RQ-RPS, you’re on the air,” the fake accent said both into his phone and over the speakers above his head.

“Hey, hi, uh, long time listener first time caller,” he started, pitching his voice way fucking down. Part of him hadn’t actually expected to get through, but he guessed there weren’t a lot of people calling into some pretentious local radio station.

“We’re excited to be hearing from you. Do you have a request for us today?” the radio host, Kravitz said. Taako hadn’t actually paid enough attention to get his name until now.

“Yeah, so like, I was wondering if you could play uh, the girl from Ipanema? You know that one? I don’t know who it’s by but its always playing in elevators. Would just- I’d fucking love to hear that one from ya if you could,” Taako said. It was a bit of a struggle to keep himself from laughing during all of this.

“I… don’t think I know that one?” Kravitz said, and Taako felt the smile on his face get even wider.

“Oh shit dog, you know, it’s like- tall, and tan, and young and lovely, the girl from Ipanema goes walking, and when she passes-” he started singing, still using the deep fake voice. He could hear it over the speakers, and it sounded fucking awful.

“Um, thank you for calling today sir but I’m afraid that’s all the time we have,” the radio host cut him off. Then there was a click and he was disconnected.

Taako immediately fell into a fit of giggles.

This was the best idea he’d ever had.

—

Kravitz scrambled to put on another song after hanging up on that prank caller, giving himself a moment to recover from being flustered. It wasn’t like it was the first prank call he’d ever had to deal with, but he was never very good with them. The problem was, his first instinct was to get irritated and tell them to cut it and fuck off.

That really wasn’t a thing he could do live on the radio though. At least not if he wanted to keep this job.

So instead he fell back on being vaguely flustered and cutting them off as quick as possible. At the very least, he guessed he was lucky that prank callers didn’t happen particularly often. Sure, callers in general didn’t happen that often either, but that didn’t bother him too much. It meant that he could stick to his scrips and play the sets he had prepared without having to look around for much else. Made the whole thing easier, if a little boring at times.

Of course he appreciated when people did call, and the even rarer occasions when they would request something good. Sure, it was few and far between, but he liked having those gems.

There weren’t anymore caller incidents for the rest of his shift, which was unsurprising. It was very rare to get more than one goofing caller a week, let alone more than one in a day.

It was late when he finally left the radio station, but that wasn’t anything new. He was often called a workaholic, but it wasn’t like his job was particularly taxing, at least if you asked him, and he did enjoy it. He had a morning show, a decent sized break in the middle of the day, and then he took over again in the evening until 7pm. It was a predictable, steady schedule, and he had every weekend off. In his opinion, it was pretty much perfect.

On his way home he made sure to stop at the cafe on the way like he always did. It was a nice place, and always mostly empty by this time of night. The elf behind the counter had his order pretty much memorized by this point, already grabbing a cup to start his drink as he walked up to the counter.

“The usual my man?” he asked, and Kravitz nodded.

“Yes please, thank you,” he said, making sure to speak in his normal voice. It was a little (a lot, an inconceivable amount) embarrassing, but when he’d first interviewed for the radio host job he’d panicked. Somehow he’d ended up putting on an accent, and then things kept going and now he was kind of forced to keep it up at work.

Taako (he didn’t wear his name tag often, but Kravitz had been around enough to get a chance to read it) started making his drink. It never took very long, Kravitz never bothered getting anything too fancy. It was just going to sit in his fridge until morning when he reheated it for work anyway.

“How was your day?” Kravitz asked. He wasn’t very good at smalltalk, but he came here often enough that he felt that it was rude if he didn’t at least make an attempt, especially when the store was as empty as it was.

“Ya know, actually pretty good, surprise surprise,” Taako said, finishing up his drink and handing it over.

“That’s nice. Well, have a good evening,” Kravitz said before paying for his drink and heading out. Taako shot a ‘later dude’ after him as he left, and Kravitz kind of got the impression that he didn’t know his name. He didn’t ask for it to write on his cup like most places tended to, but that might be because it was always so slow by the time he came that he didn’t need to.

The next morning Kravitz was up early and started his normal routine. Most of it he could do half asleep at this point, he’d done it so many times. He did do most of it half asleep honestly, only starting to wake up once he reheated the coffee he’d picked up the night before and could start filling his body with caffeine.

Once he got into the station he starting setting up the play list until it was time for him to get on the air. It took hardly any effort at all now to slip into what he’d started calling his ‘work voice’ in his head.

The day started off without any sort of incident, and Kravitz had honestly forgotten about the call from the day before. Or at least, he did until another one came in at around the same time.

“Hello, this is RQ-RPS and you’re on the air with us,” he said, keeping his voice cheerful.

“Hey, long time listener first time caller,” a man’s voice said. It was the same thing the other person had started with, but the voice sounded different. It was more gravely, although still low. That put him at ease somewhat, even if he couldn't help but still feel a bit suspicious.

“Thank you for calling in! Do you have a request for us today?” he asked, and he heard the man on the other end of the line hum as if in thought.

“Yeah, a buddy of mine was wondering if you could play something by Kenny Chesney?” he asked, and Kravitz forced himself to take a long, slow exhale before speaking.

“The country star?” he asked, trying to keep himself from sounding too strained. Well, there went any hope he had about this actually being a serious call.

“Uhuh, just any of his songs’ll work,” this guy said. Kravitz knew he should ignore him and not give this dude anymore air time than he already had.

“Sir, this isn’t a country station,” he still found himself saying.

“Well, not with that attitude it’s not.”

“I’m afraid that’s all the time we have,” Kravitz said, quickly ending the call before whoever it was could get another quip in.

God, he hoped this wasn’t going to become a running thing.

——

So, it turned out calling in and requesting music didn’t actually change what he had to listen to every day. Somehow though, it still managed to make Taako’s day a little bit better. Maybe it was seeing the irritated faces of all the pretentious fucks when he came back in from his break, having their precious Intellectual Stimulating Music interrupted by some guy requesting country.

Who was he kidding, it was definitely that.

Still, as fun as it was Taako didn’t want to get his number blocked right away. He’d called back the next day to see if they had, and surprisingly he’d been put on the air again. After that though he waited a couple of days, going about his regular grind at the cafe.

Maybe he was paying a bit more attention to the radio now though, to hear what the host was like when he wasn’t dealing with Taako. From the sound of it, he’d probably fit right in with the rest of the more annoying customers at the cafe. The ones who sat in here for hours working on their manuscript and either didn’t bother trying to talk to him at all, or found him a good target to talk at.

Not all the customers were like that, but Taako greatly appreciated the ones who weren’t. They were pretty few and far between, and sure he didn't even know most of their names, but he could pick out the ones he liked in a crowd in a heartbeat. Radio host dude was giving him pretty big pretentious dickwad vibes though.

So Taako waited a couple of days before calling back, letting the station lull itself into a false sense of security. Soon enough though he was bored as fuck on his lunch break again, and he figured it’d been long enough to call again.

He listened as the host welcomed him in what he guessed was a pretty standard line at this point, seeing as it was the third time he’d used it on him as he called.

“Hey there, long time listener first time caller, big fan of the show,” Taako said. He wasn’t sure what voice he was putting on this time, but it was certainly something.  It was different enough from his own and the ones he already used, and that was all that mattered.

“What’s your name listener?” Kravitz asked, and that threw Taako off guard for a second. He hadn’t asked his name the other two times. It was possible he was getting suspicious.

“Tuff Greg,” he blurted out. There was silence on both ends for a moment, and for a second Taako thought he was going to hang up before he got to request a song.

“Did you just say your name is Tough Greg?” the host asked, disbelief clear in his voice. Taako found himself nodding as he spoke.

“Yep, that’s me! I’m Tuff Greg and I sure do love being straight,” he said. This might be the call that got his number blocked.

“Well, that only makes one of us then,” Kravitz muttered and Taako had to slap a hand over his mouth to keep himself from laughing at that. Holy shit, okay, this guy still seemed like a pretentious ass, but he could appreciate that. Taako could hear him sputtering as he probably realized he’d said that over the air.

“Do you have a request sir?” he asked, his voice a bit more higher pitched and flustered than he’d ever heard it before. Taako cleared his throat to get back on track.

“Of course. Can you play the star spangled banner by America, I guess? It’s what I always listen to before doing some yard work for the wife,” he said, because apparently he was going full force with this straight dude persona.

“No. Have a good day,”  Kravitz said, and with that Taako heard him hang up on him. Disappointing, but entirely unsurprising.

What was surprising was when he called back two days later, and his call still managed to go through.

“Hello, this is Kravitz for RQ-RPS and you’re on the air,” he said, as cheerful as he was at the beginning of every call.

“Hey, long time listener first time caller.” Maybe it gave him away starting with that every time, but if the dude hadn’t put together that it was all him and blocked his number yet, then that was his own fault.

“Right you are,” Kravitz said, and Taako swore there was a tinge of sarcasm in his voice. “Do you have a request today?”

“Yeah, can you play call me maybe?” he asked, not quite able to keep himself from snickering entirely. “They never play it on the radio anymore and it’s a good song,” he added. There was a long stretch of silence and Taako was wondering if he’d get to see where the end of this dude’s patience lay.

“Well, it’s certainly against our regular style but alright. I don’t see the harm in playing it once,” Kravitz said, and that wasn’t the response Taako had been expected.

“Wait, really?” he asked, barely remembering to keep up the fake voice this time. He didn’t want the people at the coffee shop to realize it was him calling in after all.

“Of course, thank you so much for the request,” Kravitz said, and there was definitely some sarcasm in his voice there. Still, after that Taako heard the familiar click signaling that he’d been disconnected. Then there was a moment of silence before Call Me Maybe started playing over the speakers.

Holy fucking shit.

If Kravitz thought this meant he won, he’d be sorely mistaken.

This was fucking war now.

Chapter Text

It wasn’t that Kravitz was letting this mystery caller win by playing that song on the air. He wasn’t sure when this became about winning either, probably as soon as he didn’t immediately block the number the second time he’d called. That wasn’t important though, the point was, he wasn’t letting this prankster win by playing his request.

It was a test to see what he’d do for the most part. If he stopped calling in because he’d gotten what he wanted, well that was a win for Kravitz in the end. He wouldn’t have to deal with him anymore. If he kept calling in then he could be certain that this guy was just in it to fuck with him.

Plus, it was the least offensive song he’d requested so far. If he was going to go along and play one of them he’d at least go with something catchy.

Also, it was probably petty, but the stunned confusion in his voice when he’d agreed to play his request had been pretty priceless. It was nice not being the one who sounded like an idiot for once.

The next day around three o’clock he waited to see if there would be an incoming call. Sure, this prank caller didn’t try it every day, but it was often enough. When he didn’t call in that day or the next, Kravitz was starting to think that maybe he’d gotten rid of him after all. He sure hoped so.

He wasn’t able to confirm it until Monday rolled around again though, and sometime between three and four o’clock the listener call started to ring.

“Hello, you’re with us on the air at RQ-RPS,” he said. A part of him was hoping that maybe he’d given up and this listener call happened to come in at an unlucky time.

“Hey there, long time listener first time caller,” he said, this time in a surprisingly convincing southern drawl. Kravitz had to keep himself from sighing out loud in disappointment.

“Good to hear from you caller, what can we do for you today?” he asked, because he had to keep up a friendly face in all of this. The worst thing would be to let it out to this guy that he was bothering him as much as he was. If he didn’t react hopefully soon enough he’d get bored and stop already.

“Yeah, I had a question,” he said, and that was a little different.

“Alright?” he asked, and he shouldn’t play along with this. He was too fucking curious to see where the hell he was going though not to ask.

“What is music?” the caller asked, and Kravitz sighed heavily. So much for not showing emotions on the air for this dude.

“I’m sorry?” he asked, because this was so fucking stupid.

“Like, what is music? You play music here and you’re supposed to be smart so like, what’s music? I just got this radio and all the channels keep talking about music but it all sounds different,” he said, and Kravitz rolled his eyes. At least no one could see the faces he was making back here in his booth.

“Sir, if you don’t have a request please don’t call this number,” he said. He really shouldn’t be treating this guy with as much dignity as he was. He should block the number.

“Just play any music! Any at all, I’m so confused,” he said, and with that Kravitz pressed the button to hang up on him. Well, that was a huge waste of time. He guessed he was trying to change up the prank since his last request didn’t go as planned. Still, he tried to put that out of his head as he started up the next set.

He was honestly putting way too much time and effort into this. He guessed his job was kind of boring and repetitive but this wasn’t the kind of break from that he wanted.

Still, the rest of the day went without incident, and Kravitz wished this wasn’t becoming a part of his routine. Despite that, once he hung up on the caller he was able to relax a bit more afterwards. He knew he’d only call in once a day, and it was always around the same time. So once that was passed he was able to get back on with his normal day to day.

So he went through the rest of his set before signing off at seven. He stopped at the cafe on the way home, grabbing his usual coffee for the morning and chatting with the nice elf behind the counter for a bit. It was never longer than the time it took him to make the coffee, but Kravitz kind of enjoyed it anyway. He didn’t have a lot of people he talked to on the regular like that, so even if it was just simple pleasantries it was nice.

Taako was also unfairly nice to look at too. Which might of been a small factor in why he kept coming here instead of finally investing in a coffee maker, since it’d be a lot cheaper in the long run.

The next day Kravitz wan't surprised when the phone started ringing at the same time as always. He answered it with his same usual spiel, welcoming the caller onto the air.

“Hello, long time listener first time caller,” he said, and Kravitz rolled his eyes and mouthed along with the words as he spoke. He guessed he had to admit, whoever this was had a real talent for character voices. They were all pretty ridiculous, but even after so many calls it still seemed like he was coming up with unique ones.

“Are you sure it’s a first time caller? I could’ve sworn we’ve spoken before,” he said. He doubted calling them out on their bullshit would actually accomplish anything, but it still felt good to do.

“Scientist have yet to agree if time is linear, anyway,” the caller said very quickly and under his breath. Kravitz hated the fact that it actually got a snort of laughter out of him.

“Well, uncertain number of times you’ve called aside, do you have a request or is there any point to this at all?” he asked, realizing afterwards that he really shouldn’t be getting so casual with this nuisance. That was all he was in the end after all, someone who  decided to take time out of their day to try and torment him for no real reason.

“Of course! Uh, one black parade please,” he said, and Kravitz found himself frowning slightly at that.

“You want welcome to the black parade?” he asked, and he could practically feel the caller nodding on the end of the line.

“Yeah, that one. It’s my sister and her boy’s favorite, those goth fuc-,” he said.

“Please don’t say that on the air,” Kravitz tried to cut in quickly. “And alight, fine, thank you for your request,” he added, cutting the caller off before he could start cursing even more. He started playing the request none the less though. He didn’t need to since he already knew that wouldn’t stop the calls, and it certainly didn’t fit with the station.

He actually really liked the song though, so he guessed it wouldn’t hurt.

And if his boss hadn’t bothered to tell him to block the number yet, he figured he could deal with the caller however he felt.

—

This was the second time he’d played a song Taako had requested, and somehow it didn’t feel anymore like a win than it had the first time. Which was to say, not at all like one. He did get to call Lup and Barold goth fucks on the radio though. Sure neither of them actually listened to this channel, but it was the principle of the thing.

Somehow the radio host hadn’t blocked his number yet, and Taako was starting to get the feeling that they were getting to a bit of an understanding. At least, as far as this little competition of theirs went.

If Taako stopped calling, that meant he won, and if Kravitz blocked his number, than he did. So as it was, they were at a stalemate and Taako’s lunch breaks were continuing to remain interesting. It made the rest of his day a little bit better too, if only because it gave him something to space out and plan whenever someone decided they needed to share their philosophical vision with him.

When he headed back into the cafe after his break, Ren was giving him a look. Thankfully they couldn’t talk right away, since Taako had to help with a small rush that had built up while he’d been gone. Soon enough though there was a lull in the orders, and she started talking to him as he restocked the display case of cookies.

“So, who’ve you been talking to so much lately?” she asked, and Taako raised an eyebrow at that. For once, he actually wasn’t sure what she was talking about.

“Uh, the usual people I guess? You, Lup and Barold. Hung out with Mags and Merle last night,” he said, and Ren rolled her eyes at that. Which was fair, under normal circumstances this would just be him trying to be obtuse.

“No, I mean on break. Don’t think I haven’t seen you out there on your phone pretty much every day lately,” she said, and Taako let out a bark of laughter at that. Fuck, part of him was real tempted to tell her, but a slightly larger part of him wanted to keep this a secret. If she hadn’t realized he was the one making all the dumb calls into the station yet he didn’t want to give it away.

“Oh, that. That ain’t nothing important,” he said.

“You smile an awful lot when talking to nothing important then,” she said, and Taako snickered somewhat.

“Listen, it’s a bit of a secret. An undercover operation if you will. Things will be revealed in due time,” he said. Ren didn’t look convinced, but didn’t press him on it either.

“Whatever you say Taako,” she said, unwrapping a new stack of plastic cups. Yeah, when it came to things to complain about with his job, co-workers definitely weren’t one of them. Ren was one of his favorite people, he was pretty fucking lucky to get to work with her.

He guessed one other good thing about this job is that the real pretentious customers tended to clear out after the last evening rush. After 6:30 it tended to just be a couple stragglers and a few regulars. Taako really didn’t mind most of the regulars. They tended to have their shit in order, and ranged from indifferent to him as a person to actually kinda decent.

There was one guy. He was definitely on the decent end of the customer spectrum. He never changed his order so Taako could make it with his fucking eyes closed at this point (and he had, a couple times). He always asked how Taako’s day had been and never tried to get him to read a single manuscript.

He was also like, real fucking hot and had been coming in here for about as long as Taako had worked here.

Taako also didn’t know his name, because by the time he cared enough to want to know it’d been way too long casually talking to the guy for it not to be awkward as fuck. One of these days he'd forget his wallet and Taako could snoop at his ID or something.

Still, he’d never actually needed his name to be able to talk to the guy, so he guessed it wasn’t that important. They never talked about anything huge or personal either, so it didn’t matter.

Although, when he came in tonight he looked kind of frustrated and Taako couldn’t help but be curious. He didn’t even give him his usual ‘how’s your day been?’ just a simple ‘good evening.’

“How you doing my guy? Something eating you?” Taako found himself asking as he started the coffee. It seemed to knock him out of whatever he’d been thinking of, quickly looking over at him.

“Oh, no, I mean… just a little annoyed I guess. Someone’s been bothering me at my work, it’s beyond irritating,” he said, and Taako frowned some at that.

“Like, a co-worker?” he asked, and to his surprise he shook his head.

“No, it’s more like a customer I guess? He just won’t leave me alone is all,” he said, and Taako hummed in sympathy, finishing up the coffee.

“Man, I feel you on annoying as fuck customers. Hopefully this dick fucks off soon enough,” he said. Taako didn’t know what kind of work this guy did, but he figured it was nice and some sort of night shift, since he was always wearing suits and grabbing coffee at 7:30 at night.

“Thanks, I hope so too,” he said, taking the coffee once Taako had finished it. Then he seemed to pause for a moment, suddenly looking uncertain. “Wait, and am- I mean, um, I’m not bothering you am I?” he asked, and it took Taako a second to realize why he was all nervous now.

“Oh shit, no dude you’re good. You’ve never tried to get me to read a manuscript or yell at me for finding out that there’s caffeine in the coffee,” he said. The dude looked both relieved and slightly horrified at that, and Taako couldn’t blame him.

“Has that actually happened to you?” he asked.

“Multiple times my man,” Taako said, and his handsome customer winced in clear sympathy.

“Wow, I guess I should count myself lucky on just having to deal with the one guy,” he said. Taako shrugged some at that, since shitty customers were still shitty customers even if there were less of them. “Well um, goodnight Taako,” he added, turning to leave.

“Night my dude,” he said after him.

The next day on his break Taako called into the radio station.

“Hello this is Kravitz of RQ-RPS and you’re on the air,” the host said, and Taako said them right along with him. There was a beat of silence after that before Kravitz sighed. “Really?” he asked, and the one unfortunate thing about this being audio only was that the dude couldn’t see the shit eating grin on Taako’s face.

“Hey, long time listener first time caller,”he said happily, giving himself a butchered probably New York maybe Boston accent.

“Mhmm,” the host hummed, and Taako knew he wasn’t buying it in the slightest anymore but hey, that line had become a part of his brand now. There was no way he could stop using it at this point.

“Like I said, long time listener, just love the stuff you got going on here,” he said.

“I’m sure you do. Would you like to request a song that we actually have in our standard stock then?” he asked.

“Eeeh, I was thinking somethin’ a little more, let’s say unconventional,” Taako said.

“Of course you were,” Kravitz muttered, and Taako smiled even wider.

“I would like to request… that you request a song,” he said, and from the beat of silence he figured Kravitz was surprised by that.

“You do realize… that I pick all on music on here, don’t you?” he asked, speaking very slowly.

“Yeah, but I want a song you’ve never played on here before. With words,” he said. This was probably giving Kravitz too much range to play something the douche bags in the cafe would actually like, but he was kind of curious to see what he’d do.

“Alright,” he said after a moment, and there was a tone in his voice like he had an idea and Taako wasn’t sure if he’d like that. “This next song is dedicated to our very special, possibly unstuck in time first time caller,” Kravitz said, and then there was a click sounding that Taako had been cut off.

And then Never Gonna Give You Up started playing over the speakers.

“You motherfucker!” Taako shouted, half at his phone and half at the radio, even though he knew Kravitz couldn’t hear him through either of them. “Did you just rick roll me? That meme is older than balls how fucking dare you!”

God, Taako fucking hated this guy. He was so pissed off.

And for some damn reason he couldn’t stop laughing.

——

Kravitz knew that the mature, sensible thing to do would’ve been to block the number and continue to do his job professionally without the near daily interruptions.

Kravitz wasn’t doing that, because Kravitz was pretty sure he was winning.

When he called in the next day, he swore he sounded extremely offended. It wasn’t the voice he was putting on either, Kravitz was pretty sure he was still upset about getting a meme even he knew was old thrown in his face. That little victory might’ve left Kravitz smug enough to not mind when the almost daily calls turned into a daily thing. There wasn’t any way for anyone to pretend it wasn’t all the same person, so Kravitz wasn’t too sure why he was still insisting on using fake voices every time, but he was.

He might’ve been in a bit over his head though when he realized that somehow this had managed to go on for over a month. Almost two months now.

Even though this ass still managed to piss him off and fluster him and insult his taste in music time and time again, somehow Kravitz might’ve started looking forward to the interruption.

Kravitz guessed he didn’t have a lot of people he talked to on a regular basis. Somehow this very frustrating and hilarious and maybe charming if he wasn’t insisting on being an ass all the time person had managed to worm his way into one of those few positions.

“It’s time for our least popular segment, long time listener first time caller,” Kravitz said as he answered the call today.

“Hey there long time li- aw, you’re no fun,” he complained, and that really shouldn’t be so endearing. “Also I’m sorry, least favorite segment? I’m the only thing making this channel worth listening to. Y’all should really pay me or something,” and there went anything endearing at all. All gone.

“Feel free to stop calling if you aren’t feeling properly compensated,” he said. He wasn’t surprised by the unconvincing hemming and hawing on the other end of the line in the slightest.

“Hey man, this is my first time calling, you could at least try and make it worth my while,” he said.

“Well, if you give me a song request maybe I can do something about that,” he said, wondering where he was going to go with this today. He’d asked for requests from every genre of music under the sun, except for the one that would actually be appropriate for this channel.

“Yeah okay, I’d think I’d like to hear your number,” the caller said, and Kravitz frowned somewhat as he wracked his brain for that one.

“I’m afraid I don’t know that one,” he said, and it’d happened a few times where he’d request songs he didn’t know. Hell, it had happened the first time he requested a song. Usually it resulted in him trying to sing a bit of it before Kravitz eventually had to cut him off.

“You don’t know your own phone number my man? I mean I can keep calling the station, and I will, but still you should probably get on that,” he said, and Kravitz almost choked on air at that. He- that wasn’t what he’d expected.

“That’s not- I’m not saying my personal phone number on the air!” he said, more flustered than he’d been when talking to this guy for a long time. He didn’t even know his real name for crying out loud and he was asking for his number?

“Aw, I mean, fair enough my dude, I guess I’ll just take um, total eclipse of the heart?” he asked.

“Okay, fine,” he said, cutting him off the air a bit faster than he usually did nowadays. He quickly pulled up the requested song, working on autopilot for the most part. At least it was a pretty long song and would give him some time to collect himself again.

Well, if he wanted to fluster him again he’d certainly managed to do it.

Honestly, what was messing him up the most was that if he hadn’t been on the air, Kravitz wasn’t even sure if he would have said no.

Chapter Text

Taako put his phone down after Kravitz disconnected him from the air and was immediately aware that he had no idea what he was doing. He guessed he thought it would be funny? Yeah, Krav had gotten pretty casual with the calls lately, it didn’t seem like they bothered him as much anymore. Sure he still acted annoyed, but he also played along with the calls and goofed back. Taako hadn’t managed to get him real flustered in a while, so pretending to flirt was a good way to get to him, right?

It certainly seemed to work too. So all in all, a rousing success. Chalk another win up to ol’ Taako.

He guessed he’d kinda been hoping he could actually get his number, but it did make sense that the dude wouldn’t give it out over the air. Not that Taako was disappointed by that, but he was kinda hoping he could eventually meet this guy in person. They’d talked an awful lot at this point, and Taako could admit he was curious about what he was actually like.

Sure, he was probably still a pretentious douchebag, but from the amount of times he’d actually managed to get Taako to laugh he definitely wasn’t as bad as most of the pretentious douches he interacted with on a daily basis. The fact that he still let Taako call in and mess with his show every day kinda proved that.

So asking for his number was mostly to mess with him, and maybe a little bit to see if he could actually get it.

Also he guessed it was a little disappointing to get rejected like that, even if he wasn’t being serious about it. If that was a rejection, since he hadn't actually said he didn't want to give him his number or anything. Taako didn't actually expect the guy to want anything to do with him though, after all he had been tormenting him for the past couple of months.

So it was totally expected and had been mostly a joke, so he wasn’t upset or pouting over it. It was a little annoying at most. He couldn’t even call back until Monday either, because Krav’s show wasn’t on the weekends. Sure, the station still played then, but there was another person who worked it then and they weren’t anywhere near as fun to mess with. Taako was kinda worried that if he took his torment to anyone else on the channel he’d definitely get blocked.

He honestly couldn’t figure out how he hadn’t been by now, other than the fact that Kravitz must be having fun with it in some way. Which only made Taako want to get to know this guy even more. What kind of dick faked an accent for their radio job but let someone request ABBA songs and on occasions actually play said ABBA songs.

It was just a curious fascination with the guy though. It wasn’t a crush because that would require liking him, and at most Taako liked to fuck with him. That was way different from liking a person.

Maybe there was a bit of begrudging respect there for the couple of times he’d managed to get the better of him, but that was it.

When he headed back inside Total Eclipse Of The Heart was starting to end, and Taako figured it’d go back to the regular bad music like always.

“That was our request from First Time Caller, who definitely isn’t the same person who calls in every day and could at least bother to tell me his name before asking for my number,” Kravitz said, and Taako rolled his eyes at that. He didn’t usually go on about him after he hung up, so Taako guessed this one really did manage to fluster him something good. At least he could take some pride in that.

“We’re going to get right back to our regular program in a moment regular listeners, but first I’m going to go out on a limb and guess our mystery caller is still listening. So um, take this as a preemptive request then,” he said, and Taako frowned at that, not sure what this guy was doing now.

Then he heard that fucking Jenny 867-5309 song start playing on the radio and he felt his face go red.

“That asshole!” he snapped, rushing behind the counter where he could hide some. He tried not to meet Ren’s eyes, but he could tell she was staring at him as he moved.

“What’s gotten into you?” she asked, raising an eyebrow in question.

“Nothing, you got an order you need help with? Gimme,” he said. Ren rolled her eyes but handed him a cup and an order for him to make. It was a good thing he was so fucking fantastic at his job and could make pretty much all the coffees with his eyes closed, because he really wasn’t paying attention at the moment.

What was that dick even thinking with that? Was he mocking him with a more appropriate song request than the one Taako had thought of? Was he flirting? Was that supposed to be actual serious flirting or mocking flirting? Taako didn’t fucking know because it was impossible to read this guy!

Sure, he guessed it didn’t matter if he was actually trying to flirt or not, since it was highly unlikely that Taako would actually ever get to meet him. And he wasn’t interested. Okay like, yeah he was interested, but not in that way. Mostly. He’d have to see how much of a pretentious snob he was in his day to day first. Which wasn’t going to happen, so he wasn’t interested.

He tried not to get caught up thinking about that all day, because that would mean that Kravitz won this round. Flirting or not, they still had a completely arbitrary and meaningless competition here, and he did not want to let him win.

But if he was trying to flirt, what the fuck was Taako supposed to do with that? It wasn’t like he could give his number on the air. He was sure there were quite a few annoyed patrons of the radio station who would love to get a chance to tell him to fuck off.

Or-

Wait a minute…

Damn it, he wished he didn’t have to wait until Monday.

So fuck it, he wasn’t going to.

“Hey Ren, can you cover me for like, ten minutes?” he asked, and he knew he was gonna have to explain after this now. It was one thing not to tell her what was going on during his lunch breaks, but he was pretty sure she was either going to figure it out or demand to know what was up after this. Thankfully it wasn’t too busy right now, and Ren sighed heavily before nodding and waving him away.

“Yeah yeah, go sort out whatever’s got you all in a twist,” she said, and Taako flashed her a grin before rushing off to the backroom before she could change her mind. He could still hear the radio back here, but it was a little muffled. It didn’t matter much though, since he could hear Kravitz over the phone perfectly fine.

“Hello this is Kravitz of RQ-RPS and you’re on the air,” he said, and it didn’t sound like he suspected it was him. Which made sense, this was the first time Taako had ever called twice in one day.

“Hey there, long time caller first time listener- wait, fuck,” he blurted out. There was a beat of silence before Kravitz started laughing. “Hey! Fuck you,” Taako snapped, and it sounded like Kravitz was trying very hard to get himself to stop laughing.

“Please stop cursing on the air I could get in serious trouble for that, and then I will have to block your number,” he said. Well, that confirmed that this guy wasn’t a complete idiot and was very aware he could block Taako’s number at any time. He just chose not to.

“Right, shit okay let’s avoid that,” Taako said, and he needed to get through this fast before he changed his mind. “Anyway, first time caller here, same one as before. Second time caller."

“Mhmm, second of course,” Kravitz said, and Taako could practically feel him rolling his eyes.

“Yep, anyway, since you decided to continue our little conversation I figured it was only appropriate to respond,” he said.

“Um, I didn’t actually mean to- I really can’t play another one of your silly requests. I’ve already wasted enough air time,” he said, and Taako had a feeling he was gonna try to cut this short.

“Alright no request this time hang on a second Kemosabe,” he said.

“Sir live on the radio is really not the time to try and have a conversation with someone,” Kravitz told him, which was fair.

“Yep, totally get that. So call me when your shift ends my dude,” he said, and Taako really wished he could see what his face looked like right now. The small beat of silence that happened after that could mean anything.

“Uh, what?” he asked, and he sounded all flustered again. Which Taako guessed was like, a little cute.

“You have my number dude, fuc- er, I mean, feel free to use it,” Taako said. Kravitz did have a pretty good point on why he should try and cut back with the cursing as much as possible. Definitely wasn’t Taako’s usual style, but he could make do. He was usually pretty okay with him when he was talking on the air, but this time felt a lot less like he was putting on some character. He was barely even changing his voice.

“Oh,” Kravitz said simply. There was a longer stretch of silence than usual, and Taako had no idea if Kravitz was actually interested in calling him back at all. He wasn’t sure why he cared if Kravitz called him back. This was all just supposed to be some dumb thing to keep him entertained and annoy a radio channel he hated.

“Uh! I’m sorry listener that’s all the time we have for today!” Kravitz said suddenly, his voice a little frantic like he realized how long he’d been sitting on the air in silence. “It was nice having you on the air and I’ll uh, talk to you later,” he added, and then there was a decisive click as he was hung up on. Music started playing over the radio again after a second, and Taako had no fucking idea what to think.

He’d said he’d talk to him later though, so for now he guessed he’d have to wait and see.

——

Kravitz had no fucking idea what was going on anymore.

He knew he shouldn’t have tried to keep poking at the mystery caller, but it was all like a game. As soon as he’d managed to recover from the flustered state he’d been left in he thought he could at least try and get back at him by playing that song.

He hadn’t expected it to actually make him call back. Let alone get him in a tizzy enough that he managed to screw up his opening line and damn it, it was endearing. It was really cute. This guy was frustrating beyond belief and yet he kept finding ways to make Kravitz like him. Which honestly was even more frustrating.

Despite everything though, he hadn’t expected him to straight up tell Kravitz to call him. Which he could do. Because he had the number. He called in every damn day, it would be the easiest thing in the world to go through the call log and jot it down.

Kravitz was more tempted to than he probably should be.

He guessed it could be a trick. Just another way to prank him, since that was pretty much all he ever did anyway. Kravitz felt like that wouldn’t be the kind of prank he’d be into though. It wasn’t like he’d have an audience in a call between the two of them after all.

Maybe that wouldn’t matter and all of this really was specifically to mess with him. That didn’t feel right though. None of his calls had ever seemed that malicious.

Putting on the next song to give himself ample time, Kravitz quickly went through the call logs and copied down the number. That didn’t mean he was going to call for sure. It was just- he had the option, if he wanted to.

The rest of the day went without anymore calls, and Kravitz couldn’t say he was surprised by that. He didn’t expect the mystery caller to call twice in one day, let alone three times. Kravitz figured he could kind of get away with having him call in every day by turning it into a dumb little segment. Whatever happened that last time though definitely didn’t fit in with that little set, and he didn’t want to risk things going even more off the rails.

By the time his shift ended Kravitz still wasn’t sure what he was going to do. He’d said he’d talk to him later, and he really was curious about who this guy actually was. Maybe it was too late in the day to call though? Then again, he’d said to call after work, and Kravitz could guess he knew about what time his show ended at least.

Walking into the cafe on his way home, Kravitz was nervously flipping his phone in his pocket. Thankfully Taako didn’t seem to need a lot of direction to start making his drink.

“Hey, could I ask your advice on something? I promise it’s not a manuscript,” Kravitz said after a moment, adding that last part on quickly. He liked Taako and didn’t want to annoy him, but god he was in over his head here.

“Yeah sure why not, what’s hanging?” Taako asked, and Kravitz was already starting to feel pretty dumb about all of this. Still, Taako looked like the kind of person who probably got people’s numbers all the time, he might have some idea about what to actually do.

“Um, if someone gives you their number do you think you should call back?” he asked.

“I mean, that really depends my guy. Are you interested in them at all?” he asked, and that was a fair question. From what he could see of his face as he moved around making his drink, Taako looked kind of amused by him, which was also fair.

“I suppose so? I want to know more about them at least,” he said, taking his drink when Taako handed it over.

“Well then, it seems like that’s the answer to your question. I’d say go for it man,” Taako said, and Kravitz nodded. He did have a point, he wouldn’t be able to know anything else about him until he actually talked to this guy. Off the air, where hopefully he’d at least give him his name and speak in his actual voice.

“Thanks, I’ll probably do that then,” he said, paying for his drink.

“Good luck my dude,” Taako said, and Kravitz nodded before heading outside. Instead of going home he sat down at one of the little tables out on the patio. Music was playing on the speakers out here, and that was another thing Kravitz liked about this place. The music they played here was nice. He never stayed long enough to appreciate it if he was being honest.

Hesitating just a bit longer, Kravitz took a sip of his drink before pulling out his phone. Maybe he’d run in and grab another before he left, or he’d head back sometime this weekend to get one before work on Monday.

Taking a deep breath, he punched in the number and hit call. There was an antagonizing long moment where it just rang. Then there was a click of someone picking up and Kravitz wasn’t sure if he was relieved or not.

“Oh shit, I guess you decided to call after all,” they said, and Kravitz could hear the similarities to a lot of the voices that they pulled on the air. He also sounded familiar in another way though.

“I mean, you did tell me to,” Kravitz said, and he laughed at that.

“Holy shit, I knew that goddamn awful accent was fake,” he said, and usually Kravitz would be pretty embarrassed about being called out like that. Right now though, he was staring into the coffee shop, and he couldn’t hear what was going on in there through the glass.

He could see Taako though, smiling and clearly laughing as he spoke to someone on the phone.

“Oh my fucking god,” he said.

“Aw come on my man, you didn’t actually think that was convincing, did you? You did about as good of a job as me pretending to be straight,” he said. Kravitz wasn’t great at reading lips but it certainly seemed to match up.

“Taako,” he said bluntly. He watched the smile on the elf’s face inside the cafe drop off almost instantly.

“Okay, not gonna lie dude that’s a little creepy,” he said, and Kravitz rolled his eyes. He was trying real hard to fight back the smile forcing itself onto his face. This was so stupid, he should probably be pissed about this.

“I don’t see how it’s creepy, I’m not that dumb you know. I can figure it out when you’re literally right in front of me,” he said, and he could see Taako glancing around the coffee shop now. He guessed it was pretty impossible to see him outside with how dark it was and the glare from inside, which would explain the way his eyes glanced right over him without a second glance.

“Okay, really creepy,” Taako muttered.

“Wait- do you really not know who I am?” he asked, because he figured Taako must’ve known. He wasn’t sure why, but he was right there so it just- it made sense. But if he didn’t know then what the fuck was all this for?

“No I don’t know who you are, why do you think I told you to give me a call?” he said, and now Kravitz was the one laughing.

“You know, I’m kind of tempted not to tell you. Just to see if you can figure it out,” he said, and he could see Taako pouting inside of the cafe.

“Come on, don’t be a fucking dick Kravitz. Fill me in here,” he whined.

“I’m pretty sure you were the asshole first you know,” he said, still watching as Taako would occasionally glance around the coffee shop. It was weird trying to fit together the annoying mystery person who’d been calling in for the past two month and the cute coffee shop employee who he’d talk to sometimes and had his order memorized. As he watched him complaining over the phone though he could start to see it.

It should be off putting, but for some reason Kravitz still had a fond smile on his face despite his best efforts.

“Yeah, but it’s funny when I do it,” Taako said, and Kravitz rolled his eyes at that. Still, he guessed it wasn’t technically wrong. If he didn’t find it at least a little amusing he would’ve blocked his number a long time ago. He wouldn’t have called now, and he definitely wouldn’t still be talking to him after finding out without a shadow of a doubt who he was.

Yeah, damn it. He should hate this guy but instead he had some stupid crush. This was awful.

He guessed there was nothing else to do but go in there and meet him.

——

Taako hadn’t been sure if Kravitz was going to call him back or not. He wasn’t counting on it, since he figured the guy did probably hate him after all. Or at least he didn’t care enough to go out of his way to talk to him more than he already did.

So he might’ve been a little surprised when he actually did end up calling. He wasn’t thinking of any implications though, at least not until he was calling him by name and saying he could see him.

“So what? Are you gonna do some sort of dramatic reveal or not, because I don’t got all night you know,” he complained.

“Do you want a dramatic reveal?” he asked, and it was obvious from his voice that he was just fucking with Taako at this point. Which to be fair he probably deserved, but it was still annoying.

“I’d love some kinda reveal, that’s for sure,” he said. Then he heard the door to the cafe open and when he looked the guy from earlier was standing there, holding a phone to his ear. Which made sense, he’d asked Taako’s advice on calling someone earlier and- wait oh what the fuck.

“Aw man, you’re the cute coffee dude!? No fair!” he blurted out. Kravitz, because there was no way it wasn’t him, immediately looked flustered.

“I- um, I guess?” he said, walking fully into the store and hanging up his phone. Taako quickly put his away as well, trying to mentally process this. It wasn’t like- he didn’t really know this dude, but he still saw him around every fucking day.

“What, do you come in here all the time just to listen to your own station?” Taako asked, and he looked confused for a moment.

“Wait, you’re playing my station?” he asked, and it was kind of hard to believe he didn’t know that, but it looked like he was telling the truth.

“Uh yeah? What, you can’t tell?” he asked.

“I mean, I liked the music but I don’t really listen to it when I’m not at work, I didn’t notice,” Kravitz said. Taako couldn’t do anything for a moment but stare at him before just fucking laughing.

“Alright, aw god damn it. You’re not anywhere near as much of a douche as I was hoping you’d be,” he muttered.

“You wanted me to be a douche? Why? And actually on that topic if you could explain why you’ve been calling into my station all the time despite seemingly hating the music? I’ve been dying to know,” Kravitz said. Which was fair, those were fair questions.

“Cause I was bored mostly,” Taako said with a shrug. “They won’t let us change the channel and the music is all pretentious and all my customers are snobby assholes. Except, fucking ironically you, so I thought I’d call in and annoy them while they tried to listen,” he explained. He kinda expected Kravitz to be pissed, but he just looked amused for the most part.

“And once again, you wanted me to be a douche because?” he asked.

“Because if the shoe fits my dude! Like, you play all this awful music and you have a fake radio accent like come on, you’re a little pretentious,” Taako said. At least Kravitz had the audacity to look embarrassed about that.

“Um, the accent was actually because well, I got nervous at my interview and it just somehow happened? And then I couldn’t really, you know, go back on it, especially when they went and hired me,” he said. Of all the explanations for that dumb accent, that wasn’t the one Taako expected.

“Holy shit you’re a disaster,” Taako said, and there was an offended look on Kravitz’s face at that. “Wait, no like, it’s a good thing. I’m also a disaster,” he amended quickly.

“Clearly,” Kravitz said.

“Hey!”

“You’re the one who said it was a good thing,” he said, and all Taako could do was pout at that. Fuck, this dude was still kinda an asshole.

“So, you wanna go out sometime? Grab some dinner? I’m free this weekend,” Taako said, because honestly fuck it. He’d already come this far, might as well go all the way. Sure, Kravitz was kinda a douche but so was Taako.

“Was this whole thing you trying to bother me or ask me out on a date? I’m honestly real confused on that right now,” Kravitz asked.

“I mean, a little bit of both, I guess,” he said, and hey, it got him to laugh some.

“Yeah, alright, I’m free over the weekend as well,” Kravitz said.

“Sweet. I’ll text you later my dude,” he said, and Kravitz nodded. He looked kinda unsure about what to do now and to be fair so was Taako. This whole thing was so fucking weird, he had no goddamn clue how they ended up with this.

“Um, so are you going to stop calling into the station now?” he asked, and Taako grinned widely at that.

“You can always block my number if you want me to stop you know,” he said. Kravitz sighed heavily at that, but he didn’t actually look annoyed.

“I’m aware,” he said, not making any motion that he actually would block his number. “Well, I’ll see you this weekend then?” he asked, and Taako nodded.

“Hell yeah, see you then Krav,” he said, and with an awkward smile Kravitz left the coffee shop again.

It was quiet in the cafe after he left, and Taako guessed he could start cleaning up and shit for closing. Instead he stood there, leaning against the counter for a moment, drumming his fingers in boredom.

After a few minutes he pulled his phone back out. Dialing a number, it rang only a few times before there was a click.

“Um, hello?”

“Hey there long time listener first time caller,” he said, a smile flashing across his face when he heard Kravitz burst into laughter.

“Are you going to start every phone call with that?” he asked, and Taako shrugged.

“Hey, it’s tradition at this point,” he said, and Kravitz laughed again. He fucking knew he thought his whole stick was funny.

“You’re ridiculous. Did you need something?” he asked.

“You’re asking if I have a request?” Taako teased.

“I’m not going to sing for you,” Kravitz said, and it was obvious he was trying to sound unamused. He was failing in that regard, but points for the attempt.

“No fun,” Taako complained, but he wasn’t actually annoyed. “But then nah, uh, talk to you later I guess,” he said.

“Talk to you later Taako,” Kravitz said. With that Taako hung up, and there was such a dumb fucking smile on his face.

The radio was still playing overhead, and he still fucking hated the music. It still sounded like indistinguishable elevator music with an extra edge of pretentiousness.

Somehow though, it didn’t bother him as much.

Something about it was almost kind of charming.